How I Turn Nervous Partners Into Sex Gods: How to Brothel

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Luna shares her 3-step lover invitation framework for turning nervous, shy, or hesitant partners into confident, creative lovers. With real scripts, personal stories, and juicy practicals from her work as a legal courtesan, this episode covers everything from desire check-ins and genital inspections to safe-touch communication and transforming don’ts into delicious do’s. A deeply detailed how-to for co-creating extraordinary sex that feels amazing for everyone involved.

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00:00:00:02 - 00:00:25:02

Luna

Welcome to How to Brothel, a go woo yourself mini series. This episode is on how I turned nervous partners into sex gods, i.e. how I invite partners to become excellent lovers. The most important thing that I have learned through my experience as a legal courtesan, and years and years of studying sex related communication. How to invite my partners at all experience levels to instantly become better lovers.

00:00:25:04 - 00:00:52:19

Luna

After interviewing hundreds and hundreds of people, many of you out there. Hopefully many more of you about their sex lives, I have discovered a crucial common theme. Maybe you've noticed it. People tend to have their hottest, most memorable experiences when they feel safe. Even the thrill seekers who get a thrill from strangers, unusual locations, the possibility of getting caught or other risky behaviors are able to enjoy those things because they are safe enough within that individual's risk tolerance.

00:00:52:21 - 00:01:10:05

Luna

So how do we create that safety while keeping things sexy? This is for too long. Don't read if you are looking at the blog, but if you're listening, this is kind of what's coming up. I have a three step lover invitation framework. My brain does work in frameworks like this. Like after I learned the information that I'm,

00:01:10:06 - 00:01:33:09

Luna

It's just it's interior scaffolding. I'm not ADHD. I'm just talking in long, structured paragraphs. It's all a long, long list. So first, get on the same page checking about emotions, desires, boundaries, and expectations. Second, transition to touching. We got to normalize health and safety check ins and take it beyond the conversations about STIs. I am very inspired by the practices at the ranches.

00:01:33:11 - 00:01:58:02

Luna

So, stay tuned if you want to learn how. I think that we should all be inspecting each other's genitals in a hot way before we fuck, even if it's in a casual, nonprofessional environment and then part three give clear, specific invitations moment to moment. So I will offer you my mini roadmap that you can customize, including sharing how you want to be touched, what is off limits, and how to communicate during play.

00:01:58:04 - 00:02:18:08

Luna

And this is something that again, you can't just apply. As I've learned, you can't just obviously apply a framework to every single person. Everyone is very different. So there's very much a mix and match vibe here as we go. I will also be talking about how to transform don'ts into clear, loving dos, because active language really, really, really makes a difference.

00:02:18:08 - 00:02:35:06

Luna

Telling someone what they can do instead of telling someone what they can't do, is the theme I would like you to walk away with today. So if you stop listening now, that's just just practice that. I also talk about how to change sexual dynamics with long term partners. And, you know, because this is all well and good if you're starting fresh with someone.

00:02:35:06 - 00:02:53:14

Luna

But what about this long entrenched like, well, you've been hooking up for a decade and or, you know, we've been married for multiple decades. What do we do now? So I have some advice for that. And I would love additional field research. You know, the handfuls of data points I have from relational clients is pretty good, but open to suggestions since I don't have a long term partner.

00:02:53:16 - 00:03:16:09

Luna

I'll also talk about why safety is the ultimate aphrodisiac. We've talked about that on pod a lot, but it actually makes things harder to feel safe. And I have my own sample scripts and questions that you can start using today ASAP, whenever you want. So if you've ever wanted a really specific how to guide for co-creating extraordinary sex, that feels good for everyone involved, this is it.

00:03:16:11 - 00:03:41:10

Luna

Details will vary slightly from person to person, partner to partner. However, I have developed an adaptable framework that establishes comfortable communication, allowing for greater relaxation, connection and creativity, which overwhelmingly, in my personal experience, leads to way more fun. Now it is written from my own perspective, based on my years of experience with lovers, and therefore addresses a lot of heteronormative behavior.

00:03:41:11 - 00:04:03:18

Luna

I am queer, and I have a lot more experiences heteronormativity than I do in queer spaces, although that ratio is changing and it is written from a feminine perspective. And my hope is that by sharing my version with you, you can create your own specific version to use with your partner. So that's why Sex Stories is so excellent, because we hear other people's stories we get to, we can't help it.

00:04:03:18 - 00:04:22:07

Luna

Humans are comparison creatures. It's okay to compare. We just can let go of judgment. And that's how we bounce off of each other and learn from each other, which is my favorite. So hopefully you can create your own specific version to use with your partners. I personally have had so much really delicious success with these methods, and I hope that you do too.

00:04:22:09 - 00:04:44:01

Luna

And when you do, I hope that you will let me know so I can woohoo you! Plus, I always love hearing your stories, so please, write them to me. And if this extremely comprehensive guide still leaves you with specific questions, please ask them. I love answering your questions. So this is my invitation for new partners. Step one get on the same page.

00:04:44:03 - 00:05:09:09

Luna

I always like to start with a human check in. When it becomes clear that things want to head in the direction of the sexy, the formal structure of negotiations, either at the ranch or for a kink scene. Do lend themselves really well to this, and I have now also practiced slowly pulling back from a personal vanilla makeout session that I'm in the midst of, even if it's going very well and saying something like, how are you feeling?

00:05:09:11 - 00:05:30:00

Luna

However much or little they share, I do make sure that I am listening fully, not just to their exact words. I had to learn this the long way. So I'm listening. Not just to the exact literal meaning of the words they say, but I'm listening to the tones, the body language, the energy that I feel from them. Then I mirror that back to them, infusing my own experience.

00:05:30:02 - 00:06:00:03

Luna

And am I done something like this? It seems like you're having as much fun as I am. Of course, the way that I say these things will vary a lot depending on the energy of the session, because sometimes I'm like a bouncy ball, sometimes I'm a seduction tiger, sometimes, you know, it's whatever we co-create. And then I like to do a desire check in if I'm at the ranch or if I'm negotiating with a submissive, it is understood that I will hear requests and I only entertain overlaps that I find reasonable and desirable.

00:06:00:05 - 00:06:21:12

Luna

Otherwise, if I'm in a more casual and or vanilla connection, I tend to combine my desire with the question. Something like in your perfect world, what would you do with me today? Or it seems like you want more of me? How much more? Or how shall we encourage things to unfold from here? Or I really want to blank whatever I want to do to them.

00:06:21:12 - 00:06:39:08

Luna

You know, I really want to have sex with you next. I really want to put my mouth on your cock. I really want you to go down on me. I really want to sniff your armpit. Whatever it is. What would you like to do next? You know, and that might be a list of things. Sometimes I'm like, I really want to eat a snack, and then I want you to go down on me, and then I want to go down on you and then spank me some more.

00:06:39:08 - 00:07:01:14

Luna

And then, you know, whatever it is, I say all of it or as much as they can handle. And then I ask, what would you like to do next? Once we have co-created our desire diagram and agreed on mutual wants and boundaries, I love to have an expectation check in. This basically asks a situation specific form of the question how will you show up for me at the ranch?

00:07:01:14 - 00:07:21:08

Luna

This is typically when I ask people if they have a budget in mind, or if they would prefer for me to share the ranges that I typically work in. Since the built in assumption is that they will be financially supporting my creative mission to make the world a sexier, more loving place. One ripple of love at a time through educational content which we are creating here now together, that helps people communicate and connect in a personal setting.

00:07:21:08 - 00:07:41:03

Luna

This is when I would recommend making sure that you're on the same page about what sex means to each of you, and what taking the next step in that particular instance would mean for your connection, and this conversation might vary widely depending on the specifics. This can be vulnerable, especially when hopeful feelings and big crush energy are involved.

00:07:41:03 - 00:08:08:13

Luna

And I like to lead with what I am hoping for or open to what I'm available for, or if I have any privacy needs or preferences. If I know that I am only interested in a one off, I let them know that that is likely the case. And usually this is due to logistics. If I know that, I might be open to seeing them again casually, but I don't think we're a partnership fit, I let them know that I'm not really looking to entwine my life with anyone else's, but that I would love to continue exploring our connection in physical, mental, and emotional ways.

00:08:08:13 - 00:08:27:16

Luna

And I like to imagine that if I found myself in the position of being the person who might want to explore not just repeat sex, but possibly more, I might let them know that I have a crush on them, and that I'm really only interested in taking our physical connection further. If that's something that they think they might also want to explore.

00:08:27:18 - 00:08:49:03

Luna

Most of the time, I don't have to worry about relationship invitations because I'm at the ranch. It is against the rules. But since those rules are not posted anywhere, people don't know, most people do not realize that. So it's easy enough to let them know that I cannot, in fact, their marriage proposals or whatever, like getting up at work is really cute and I have to say, oh my gosh, I'm so flattered and I'm not allowed to.

00:08:49:03 - 00:09:20:04

Luna

I would get fired so fast in non-work circumstances if someone seems really, really into me, and especially if they have socially normative backgrounds. This is even if I'm into them. This is usually when I remind them that I am a queer polyamorous sex worker with at least some dots on the autism spectrum, and that I really, really, really require and enjoy a level of open, explicit communication which is not for everyone.

00:09:20:06 - 00:09:44:11

Luna

And so I'm like, I really check in about that. And, so far it hasn't mattered. But, And not everyone has expectations, or at least not everyone has awareness of their expectations. Or, you know, sometimes the expectations might just be, I don't know, I just expect right now. So this really is a make it your own section depending on what you think you need or want.

00:09:44:13 - 00:10:06:13

Luna

I typically keep the expectation check in to the relationship bits, and I save the physical parts for the next steps when the touching is just about to happen. But first, part two the transition to touching at the ranch. Once we have a clear understanding of feelings and desires and agreement on how we will show up for one another, it is time for the genital inspection.

00:10:06:15 - 00:10:36:01

Luna

And I really, really, really, really, really would be so happy if we collectively normalized this in all spheres of physical intimacy. The tease of inspecting a partner's genitals is so hot. Touching genitals. How many times can I say genitals, genitals, genitals? Touching parts without expectation of arousal is arousing. It's fun to play a doctor as a grown up.

00:10:36:03 - 00:11:06:19

Luna

It's extra fun when I'm with someone who is a real medical doctor, and I get to be the inspector, and I love being inspected even more. But that is not part of work unless it's part of the rule play that we negotiated and how we will show up for each other and what our desires and expectations are. Okay, so beyond anticipation, denial, and medical things, an astounding number of my lovers have reported they have never really gotten to gaze upon a pussy, even those who are in long term partnerships.

00:11:06:21 - 00:11:26:16

Luna

Likewise, I am often told that the excitement and thoroughness of my gaze on their parts is new to them. An earlier version of me absolutely felt this shyness. I was not confident enough to look as long as I wanted. Sometimes I still get a little self-conscious if I see the person being like, but sometimes I see that and I'm like, I like it.

00:11:26:16 - 00:11:59:07

Luna

Let me look, you know, depends on the context. And I used to be really worried that I would make my partner uncomfortable because I didn't have the tools to invite them to join me in the land of comfort and pleasure and the sex that we were having absolutely reflected that discomfort. So I propose that we collectively, please join me, popularized pussy and cock gazing, certainly as part of lovemaking, but also in the preamble, especially since unless you are like me and regularly use a hand mirror or camera to survey your lower bits, it can be hard to see down there without a second set of eyeballs.

00:11:59:09 - 00:12:23:01

Luna

And while all too prevalent norms of embarrassment and shame can make even exchanging necessary information about recent testing status and other partners really difficult for many of you who I hear from, my hope is that by popularizing the hotness of safety and looking deeply upon each other, we can create a new, safer connection culture where taking care of each other is the norm.

00:12:23:03 - 00:12:49:00

Luna

So in terms of health check ins at the ranch, when I am at the ranch, it is a one way check. I am tested weekly when I'm working, and as I said, I also visually inspect my own parts often. Got to just make sure I know what's going on down there. It's a little bit fun, and I invite my soon to be lover to drop their pants or lift their skirts while I don a pair of nitrile gloves and I grab a water based wipe with 70% isopropyl alcohol soaked into it.

00:12:49:05 - 00:13:08:12

Luna

And I explain that I'm going to be swabbing all around just looking for cuts or always or anything else we need to know to play safely. And then I get into the nooks and crannies of the crowns and the foreskins and the labial folds, and I check for anything unusual and if the person has a penis, I aim a squeeze and aim to get a drop of prick them to ensure that it's nice and clear.

00:13:08:13 - 00:13:29:21

Luna

And then we go along our way in play while proof of testing is not required for ranch clients, I always recommend regular testing for all sexually active humans before engaging with a new partner, especially if it's been a while, especially especially if there are any new or interesting bumps or rashes or itching or discharge, or smells or discomfort.

00:13:29:23 - 00:13:55:08

Luna

There also are things that are not STIs, but can be a blocker to safe play and the most common ones that I've experienced. But I've had to say, oh, I'm so sorry, I can't. I can't with you, I can't with you. I'm so sorry. I cannot. The most common ones I've experienced are yeast infections, often under a foreskin or fresh cuts from shaving, especially in areas that are required for sexual contact, where bandaids are hard to apply.

00:13:55:08 - 00:14:14:08

Luna

So again, if you've read the preparation how to prepare for brothel, maybe you're not going to go to a brothel. Maybe you don't need to read that or listen to that episode. But if you're going to shave, do a practice session the first time you do it. And I personally have sensitive skin, and so I prefer an electric razor because it's much kinder to your skin.

00:14:14:08 - 00:14:33:18

Luna

And if you don't know what you're doing while shaving, it can cause some always that can be a barrier to safer play. Now, if fingering me is on the table, I also make sure to inspect hands and fingers for open cuts, especially the cuticles. And if there are none, I personally am comfortable with freshly washed hands touching me.

00:14:33:20 - 00:14:51:21

Luna

If there's an opening on their skin, if they have a wound anywhere, if it's cuticles, if it's just a scratch, whatever. Then we skip fingering or we use gloves on whatever hand is affected. And part of my mission to make the world a sexier, more loving thanks for taking care of each other as the norm is to support others in inspecting themselves so that we know what to look out for.

00:14:51:23 - 00:15:16:14

Luna

And you know, we can easily inspect each other as well as needed. I really just man, I might just take a moment to imagine how casual sex would change if it was so normal and comfortable, and was just part of the process for every single person to be like, yes, here's my recent testing status. Yes, here's my partner landscape.

00:15:16:14 - 00:15:33:15

Luna

Yes, please get up close and look. Is there anything I need to know about? I think it was good last time I checked. Hot. So here's my proposed universal health check. And it's been established you're on the same page and you both want to do it. So answer the following questions together to determine what is needed to play safely.

00:15:33:15 - 00:15:51:21

Luna

This is not a comprehensive list. If I forgot something, please let me know. I just made this up out of my own brain, but I like to start with what accessories will help us have the most safe feeling experience. This can include condoms, dental dams, and or Laurel's gloves. Lube that is barrier safe. So we want to avoid oils.

00:15:51:21 - 00:16:09:11

Luna

Coconut oil is not barrier safe. Harbor oil is not barrier safe. They degrade the barriers. They degrade condoms. So that means you can get pregnant. You can get STIs. Make sure that you have the right kind of lube for the right kind of barriers, and also the right kind of toys. And do you want to have toys? And is there birth control?

00:16:09:11 - 00:16:29:04

Luna

Are you on birth control? Are you on prep? Do you need to be like, what do you need to know? Just make sure that you go over all those things. Number two, what are our current respective testing statuses even if barriers are agreed upon. So even if we're using condoms, dental dams, and Laurel's, this is a very helpful check in for mutual safety.

00:16:29:06 - 00:16:45:22

Luna

I like to start out by volunteering. When my most recent test was, and I asked my partner when their most recent test was, has either partner been with another partner since that testing, and if so, what barriers, if any, did they use? How much information do they have about the testing status and partner landscape of their other partners?

00:16:46:03 - 00:17:02:14

Luna

And then the other question that I like to ask about testing is, do we want to get fresh tests before we play together? No, waiting is hard. You can do things with hands assuming they have no cuts or you're using gloves on them, you know, and just wait a little bit longer. Edging is hot and, you know, someone really wants to fuck you.

00:17:02:14 - 00:17:21:23

Luna

They will probably wait because safety is sexy. And if not, I understand some things are time sensitive. I do totally get that. And so just make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to risk tolerances. And just make sure that you're doing things that your hearts and parks really will agree with. Next, I'd like to talk about how do we feel about fluid exchange?

00:17:22:03 - 00:17:46:00

Luna

Not the mouth fluid exchange. So not everyone wants to kiss. Some of us in our jobs are not allowed to do mouth to mouth kisses, genitals to mouth. Oftentimes when I interview people, it's rare that someone reports in their personal life using a condom for a blowjob. Or, I mean, I interviewed Melanie, the creator of Laurel's, and she told me why she created them because it's not as normalized.

00:17:46:08 - 00:18:00:15

Luna

They're great. You know, I love Laurel's for so many reasons, but talk about it, you know, set the expectation ahead of time so that during the moment you don't have to be like, oh, oh. I don't have the thing. I need the thing. You know, it's so nice to talk about it. And then what else do we need to consider?

00:18:00:15 - 00:18:26:08

Luna

The following is an incomplete list, again, of things that might be relevant during intimate play. But do you have any allergies? Are there any injuries? Are there any medical conditions that might require care if an episode occurs? Are there relevant traumas and or PTSD triggers? Are there sensory issues? You know, like I can't have a wiggly, slimy tongue in my ear directly until I'm a certain point of turned on, like the context really is everything.

00:18:26:08 - 00:18:47:03

Luna

It's not a hard and fast rule, you know? So that's one that I'll say more broadly before I get to the specifics of the sexy physical stuff that's down below. And lastly, are there ticklish spots those are the ones that I kind of cover. And then also, I like to just mention this. In my perfect world, partners will always wash hands thoroughly with soap and water before touching genitals.

00:18:47:05 - 00:19:08:06

Luna

Maybe we take a shower together, maybe we get comfy under a great light source and take turns inspecting one another's genitals and hands with as much role play at feels fun and at the ranch because booking our party in the office to make it official is a required step. After the health check. We have a natural space that creates the excitement and this is when I usually I'm like, okay, do you have allergies?

00:19:08:06 - 00:19:26:07

Luna

Are there any injuries I should know about? Are there any spots you want me to focus on? Do you need a little massage? You know, so I just use that time as a transition moment to kind of like, you know, build the excitement for what we're about to experience together. And once the booking process is complete, I orient my partner to the shower while I set up the room.

00:19:26:07 - 00:19:52:07

Luna

And once we are both ready, it's time for the final step that inspires the most connected creative touches. And this works really well for me. So I'm so excited to hear your feedback on how it works for you. Part three specific invitations. If the above steps have been followed ish to the need of your certain circumstance, helpful dialog has already been established.

00:19:52:09 - 00:20:12:15

Luna

And if you found yourself in a scenario where everything has happened so fast and surprisingly, that suddenly here you are, naked or on the brink of being so intimate, touch is imminent. It is never too late to include anything from the above that feels relevant again. You can pull out of that make out and be like, hey, it seems like we're getting really hot and heavy.

00:20:12:15 - 00:20:31:04

Luna

Whatever, whatever word that actually might come out of your mouth. That means something similar in these final moments before diving into pleasure that lets us lose track of who is who and be delightful. Existing as an animal beast for a short time. This is the invitation that I share at the last moment. Sometimes it's sprinkled throughout because this is.

00:20:31:04 - 00:20:55:12

Luna

I have found the ways that are most likely to inspire and invite a beautiful dynamic of collaboration. So I love creating safety by establishing how to communicate. I do tailor each interaction to the person that I'm with. I don't necessarily say everything, and I don't necessarily say everything in order. I may be undressing my partner as I share this and or inviting them to undress me.

00:20:55:14 - 00:21:16:18

Luna

I may be hugging them naked. I may be already touching them cradled in their arms. We might be looking at ourselves in the mirror. I might be playing a game where if it seems like they're getting distracted, I stop touching them and I make sure that they are focusing and retaining what I share. Sometimes we're simply standing near the bed, simmering on the cusp of our almost.

00:21:16:20 - 00:21:38:09

Luna

If my counterpart is very nervous, I may have a hand on their heart as I invite them to breathe with me. If I have a submissive, they will receive a version that is more instructional and on whatever scale of nurturing to strict disciplinarian. We have agreed that I should play. If they're enjoying a dominant role, then I will share all of this information in question form as if I'm asking permission.

00:21:38:11 - 00:21:59:03

Luna

And if we are not dynamic specific, and I have before me a fellow eager, horny play friend, I usually and like ruffling their hairs and body parts and just feeling into our energy together. Sometimes I do say all of this, the whole entire thing before we even begin. Sometimes I add relevant parts related to fingering or condoms as we get close to that part when it becomes relevant.

00:21:59:05 - 00:22:22:23

Luna

Sometimes I do a combo, especially if someone is nervous and they might not be processing all of the audio info. And if I think that's happening, I may repeat myself if it seems necessary. Regardless of the how, this is the outline of what I share with clients at the ranch that has been extremely helpful and allowed us to connect in really hot ways, even when I am dealing with the shyest, most nervous of humans.

00:22:23:00 - 00:22:42:11

Luna

So my specific invitations. And if you want to go check this out on my website, Luna Rob B-complex I have headers that go over each section, but I'm just going to kind of read it to you as it flows. For me. I love to know what you love. I love to know if you want more of something or if you need something different.

00:22:42:13 - 00:23:02:18

Luna

I love to know what you experience in your body or mind or heart, either in real time or afterward. You might always ask for something I may signal, and I expect my answers to be respected. You may likewise respond to yes or no to any of my requests, and I will respect your answers. And I always encourage you to ask.

00:23:02:20 - 00:23:23:00

Luna

This is a piece that's ranch specific. Just a reminder in order to follow all of the laws, we need to keep our fluids away from each other and to ourselves. And usually a gesture to my mouth or my eyeballs or my general. You know, I point to where fluids are. Kisses are very hot and you can kiss me all of these places, and I might point to the rest of my body, my neck, my jawline, my cheeks, my forehead, my ears.

00:23:23:02 - 00:23:41:13

Luna

And we're keeping our mountains away from each other today. And I will say in circumstances, because kissing is never such a big deal for me, I don't necessarily do it and most of my casual connections. And so if you don't have a reason but feel like you need a reason, oftentimes I just say my immune system sensitive or kissing is a really big deal for me.

00:23:41:13 - 00:23:59:19

Luna

So I'm going to save that for body kisses and we'll see how we go. You know, I love to be touched. You can touch me and then I'll say however I'm feeling that day usually I'm usually I like to be touched pretty strong, but some days I need a gentle touch. Some days I want a medium touch. And if you want to calibrate pressure, I will teach you how to use a 1 to 10 system.

00:23:59:19 - 00:24:16:10

Luna

So if that happens, then in a moment I'll kind of have them squeeze me or kind of like like grabbing usually just on my arm and I'll say, oh, that's a two out of ten where ten is the most intense. It's kind of like the chandelier, but different. And so that helps them kind of understand what level of pressure is invited.

00:24:16:12 - 00:24:43:23

Luna

We will do our best not to leave marks on each other unless explicitly negotiated otherwise. And I will let you know if we start to go in a direction that feels like too much for me. However, please do not take this as an invitation to find my outer limits unless we have explicitly negotiated otherwise. Please be aware that intense sucking and pressure can cause hickies and unless explicitly negotiated otherwise, we are sticking to gentle, sensual touches today as we're getting to know each other.

00:24:44:00 - 00:25:09:08

Luna

I do prefer that hands moving in these areas and I'm gesturing to my face, my head, my neck, my ears, my hair, shoulders, throat. I prefer that any hands moving in those areas be in slow motion. I am a tough little sister, so I do have a flight response and surprisingly is not recommended. Choking or any form of breath play is not on the menu today unless explicitly negotiated otherwise.

00:25:09:08 - 00:25:31:02

Luna

And a chaperon of my choosing is present. So if you want to touch my neck, ask me and I will show you what, if anything, I'm comfortable with in that moment. And if I'm going down on you, always let me lead the motion. If I feel the urge to have your hand on my neck or head in this moment, I will let you know using one of my hands, since my mouth will be full.

00:25:31:06 - 00:25:53:07

Luna

So you can just follow my prompt and I will do that. You know, sometimes, like if someone assumes that they can like use my head and neck as a toy, like first of all, that can cause serious injury. And second of all, it is such a huge nonconsensual turn off that I'll just immediately take it off and then I will sit up and we switch to something else because they lost the privilege of blowjob, you know?

00:25:53:07 - 00:26:15:15

Luna

So I make sure to say that explicitly, and I just want to say out loud, anyone with any body parts, if another person is going down on you, make sure that there's a conversation in place before you assume that you can touch or especially move their head, especially neck. Got to be careful about necks. They're very important. Spanking is something that I am open to as long as it's not a surprise.

00:26:15:15 - 00:26:36:04

Luna

Staying away from surprise spankings is always the most loving choice. So if you're interested in spanking me or being spanked by me, let me know and I will give you my fun and easy spanking tutorial. Let's also avoid surprises in the realm of hair pulling unless explicitly negotiated otherwise. However, I do enjoy gentle hands on my head and fingers in my hair, especially at the base of my scalp.

00:26:36:06 - 00:27:02:11

Luna

Just move slowly and if I want you to squeeze or pull a little, I will invite that from you with my own hand. Otherwise, just coming your fingers through my hair is really nice. My pussy is on the table today. If it is, usually it does, but sometimes it's not. Depending on the negotiation or the agreement and depending on what their hands look like, I'll say your hands look safely cut free or I'll say and will be using gloves if you want to touch it.

00:27:02:13 - 00:27:23:00

Luna

She's very sensitive, very sensitive, and is very different almost every day. However, the thing that is consistent is please never ever directly poke my clit, especially with a single finger that is usually very, very painful for me. There are rare exceptions, but if you forget, don't worry, I will redirect you and I personally love to start with outside touches only.

00:27:23:06 - 00:27:49:10

Luna

I love getting teased with slowness. I love flat hands giving me wide pressure. I love playing with my inner thighs and the edges of my pussy lips. I love for initial explorations to be slow and gentle and deeply curious, and once I get turned on, I might want a ton of pressure. Every single day is different, and I will tell you, if she wants fingers inside, I will tell you if she needs a specific thing.

00:27:49:12 - 00:28:06:07

Luna

And then just remember that if you touch yourself with your hands and then you want to touch me with the same hand, we will just hop up and take a little hand-washing break and we can do that as much as we need to. Similarly, as I said earlier, I love to know what you love and I will be exploring your sensitive spots.

00:28:06:12 - 00:28:28:09

Luna

But if you have any special spots or magic nipples, please let me know about them. The number of people who have magic nipples. And when I say magic nipples, I mean nipples that increase the likelihood of orgasm or directly influence erotic turn on. And this is people with penises, as well as people with pussies. Like there are so many magic nipples out there that I discover by accident.

00:28:28:09 - 00:28:46:06

Luna

I'm like, told me so I can play with them. And I'm also, like wildly surprised when sometimes it's like the left nipple is sensitive but not the right one. And then I got to make sure that I remember whose nipples are which ones. So I always encourage, let me know if you have any magic buttons if you feel yourself getting close to orgasm.

00:28:46:10 - 00:29:05:04

Luna

I always love to know. Typically if it's with a pussy owner. We are communicating pretty well throughout because in my experience, every pussy is so different. I like to do a lot of verbal check and as we go for penis owners, especially if I'm using my hands on you, I need to make sure that we're aiming away from any relevant holes of mine.

00:29:05:06 - 00:29:20:22

Luna

So if you want to come on my belly or my chest, ask me when you're getting close and we'll see what feels good in that moment. Some days I don't want come on me. Some days I really do. Some days I'm like belly yes, titties. No. You know, it just depends. It depends on what I need. It depends on how I'm feeling.

00:29:20:22 - 00:29:35:23

Luna

It depends on that particular moment and the energy of that person, you know? And I love it too. When someone's like, where can I come? And then I say, exactly in the moment what I want. So check in with me when you're ready. Let me know when you're getting close. And especially if you're in my hands and I'm straddling you, I'm just.

00:29:35:23 - 00:29:50:05

Luna

Please help make sure that it doesn't go in my eyeballs or near my pussy. You know, and that's a good example of something that I will sometimes wait to say until in the moment when I'm playing with someone so they can remember, it just depends. I might do it ahead of time, but I might change in the moment.

00:29:50:07 - 00:30:10:05

Luna

I often will wait to be in the moment to say this part. You know, if we're having penis and vagina sex with condoms when it's time to put the condom on, I'll get it. I like to put it on with my mouth. And I say, before I put it on, I say, your job is to help me make sure this condom or if we're using a dental dam or whatever it is, this barrier stays in place.

00:30:10:06 - 00:30:31:19

Luna

If you come inside the condom, please make sure to tell me right away. If it's an internal condom, then I give a different instruction, which is please make sure it's in place before you come and ejaculate deep inside. So for internal condoms, the reason that they have a lower success rate is because people will ejaculate near the edge, or they don't see that the edge is tucked in, and then semen is inside the vaginal canal.

00:30:31:19 - 00:30:50:19

Luna

And that's how you get pregnant. So if you're ever using an internal condom, so that's often called a female condom. But that's not inclusive language. And so it's just a condom that goes inside. You just need to make sure if you are a penis owner fucking that and you were going to shoot semen, it's got to be all the way in there and you got to make sure you can see the whole edges, you know?

00:30:50:21 - 00:31:10:03

Luna

And I love those, especially for threesomes, because it's easy to go back and forth and play safely. And then you have usually another buddy to kind of make sure that it's staying on there. So that's important. And to me, it seems obvious that if a person comes in a condom, they need to tell their partner because it's not safe to keep fucking in a condom.

00:31:10:03 - 00:31:26:12

Luna

So I did recently have a partner who came and didn't tell me, and I thought he was just getting mildly soft because of the condom, and I was like, ooh, I'm so wet. And it was only after asking a couple of questions about his arousal that he was like, yeah, I want to come again. And I was like, you came?

00:31:26:12 - 00:31:45:00

Luna

So we had been actively fucking with a condom, which is really unsafe. It's unsafe for STIs. It's unsafe for pregnancy unless you're on birth control, like it's not safe for sex. The condom ceases to be safe if you are soft fucking in a condom. So please make sure to always tell your partner if you have come inside a condom.

00:31:45:04 - 00:32:13:13

Luna

We can't always tell you no. I think it's so interesting when I hear people be like, mom, it's so easy when I'm a guy. You can tell when I come. I can't tell when she comes. It's like I fully disagree, and it really depends on how communicative the partner is, regardless of body parts. So and the other thing that it's really important to pay attention to with condoms is communicate with your partner once you've come and please wait, pull out until I am ready so that we can make sure that it stays in place on your cock as you pull out, you know?

00:32:13:13 - 00:32:34:00

Luna

So it's best if I grab it or if you grab it. And we're both just collaborating as a winning team and for safety for all involved. So the major takeaways are please follow your heart, please follow your part. Please play with me and let me know if you need a break or if you want me on top, or if you need me to put a hand somewhere or give you a water bottle or anything else.

00:32:34:01 - 00:32:49:12

Luna

And depending on how I've shared all of that information, you know, if we're not in the middle of fucking yet, if I've shared most of those pieces before I start, I look at them in the eyeballs and I ask Reddy or some way of checking in, are you ready? Do you want to play? What do you want to do first?

00:32:49:12 - 00:33:15:16

Luna

Maybe I tell them what to do first. Whatever. Whatever method. Is this a perfect system? No. There are, of course, still individuals who are traumatized by family or community or society in ways that might inspire them to seek control by exercising power over someone. The energy of this is very obviously distinct from a partner who might legitimately be caught up in the heat of the moment and forget that we aren't supposed to kiss.

00:33:15:18 - 00:33:43:01

Luna

The innocent ones are easy to dodge. The boundary pushers are like honing missiles, and they are repeat offenders even when boundaries are reaffirmed. Please remember that pressuring a partner to do anything, especially in the heat of the moment, is not sexy. This especially includes, but is not limited to, condom and barrier use. So if you agreed on condoms, dental dams, and or laurel, even if only by silent default because someone pulled one out.

00:33:43:03 - 00:34:08:20

Luna

This is a boundary that must be respected. If neither of you followed any of the above recommendations and just dove right into it, at least on the side of asking at every point of escalation. And while this is not a perfect system, I have noticed that outlining even the most basic version of this invitation helps transform nervous, shy, or hesitant partners into divine creative beings.

00:34:08:22 - 00:34:42:06

Luna

I have seen metaphorical flowers bloom. I've watched partners radiate a joy, happiness, ease and satisfaction out of shared experience and mutual celebration, pleasure, and fullness of self-expression. I had a partner tell me that he didn't know that being confident could be so playful. He'd been stuck in a paradigm of masculine stoicism that wasn't obviously toxic, but it was absolutely affecting his ability to connect with his partners because he was squishing down his own fun parts to be sexy, to be the idea of sexy that he was taught.

00:34:42:07 - 00:35:06:12

Luna

So in my personal opinion, talking about it ahead of time is in credibly sexy, and I encourage all of you to do it. So that's how I do it with fresh partners, with brand new, brand new partners. But what about my hookup buddies from like pre podcast me like pre knew anything about sex. Me in my early 20s I was always fumbling around and just trying really hard.

00:35:07:09 - 00:35:19:06

Luna

What do we do if there's an established pattern with a long term partner that would make it weird to suddenly whip out a brand new framework? Like I have it a little easier because I could be like, well, okay, so it's been a few years since I've seen you. I'm a professional now. I've done all this research.

00:35:19:06 - 00:35:51:09

Luna

Here's what we you know, here's what I'd like to do differently. Like it's a little different. I have some, some prostitute privilege there, so I recommend breaking it down into a drip feed of tiny little invitations based on what you're noticing about yourself today. In that particular moment, in cases where any verbal communication at all between you and your partner is totally outside of the established norm, I would maybe even outside the bedroom, try starting with a tiny bit for connection.

00:35:51:09 - 00:36:08:09

Luna

That could sound something like I heard about a game where I tell you what I'm feeling in my body as it's happening, and the idea of it sounded really hot to me. Can I try it with you? Or if you think your partner's into it? I heard about a game where we tell each other what we're feeling in our bodies as it's happening.

00:36:08:09 - 00:36:26:19

Luna

Do you want to try it with me or I want to practice communicating more the next time we get naked together? I might even add, when you help remind me. I do this a lot with it, especially with Kimberly. But like, I do this a lot with friends. I'm like, Will you help remind me that I want to do more explicit, real time communication by asking me checking questions as we go.

00:36:26:21 - 00:36:50:17

Luna

Usually, if I ask someone to help me remember something, I don't need their help. Remembering it, like the asking of the question creates the relational check in, and then I do a better job remembering. So I have noticed that when I share things with open, honest vulnerability, with clear desire, with requests for support, I am usually met with tenderness and a willingness to at least try.

00:36:50:19 - 00:37:09:15

Luna

Even in cases where my partner might be at their own growth edge. So if you can get your partner to be your coconspirator in curiosity, even better. Whether you want to add or avoid something, just make it about real time discoveries that are grounded in what is feeling amazing in your body right now. So it could even be as simple as like more of that.

00:37:09:15 - 00:37:28:08

Luna

That I love that. Oh, what are you doing there? Keep doing it. Like when whenever that comes out of my mouth, my partners look so excited. I think what's happening right now, or sometimes I'll be like, remember what you're doing. Want to ask about it later? And then I usually forget. But, it might also sound like, ooh, that feels really sensitive today.

00:37:28:08 - 00:37:44:17

Luna

Can you try and add something else that might feel good to you? You know, if you don't know, it's okay to explore, like, really, really get honestly curious and explore because you might not know until, you know, I don't know until I know my body changes all the time. Maybe it's oh wait, can you try that again? Wait, not like this.

00:37:44:19 - 00:38:00:10

Luna

Oh, that. Can I have more of that? You know, keep asking for a change, even if you don't know specifically what it is like something different. Something different, something different. That right there. What are you doing? Can I try it like this? Try it like that. Just keep trying little adjustments together. Make it a fun game. Externalize it.

00:38:00:10 - 00:38:19:10

Luna

It is all about the sensation in your body, not their skill. As a lover, you get to discover your body together over and over and over, again and again. So many of the people who I speak to report that their bodies do change day to day. Yes, there are some similar themes, but like every day is a different day.

00:38:19:10 - 00:38:49:07

Luna

We ate different, we slept different. We moved differently. We're a different age today than we were five seconds ago, you know? So pop culture seems to have instilled a fear in many of us that we might be bad at sex. I certainly had this fear for a long time. However, I no longer think this is possible. Yes, someone might be inexperienced or unskilled in a specific realm, but even the most self-absorbed narcissist wants to feel like a winning hero, and so even they need metrics by which to win.

00:38:49:09 - 00:39:13:23

Luna

When I work with coaching clients who say that they want better sex with their current sex, life is bad. Usually what they are describing when they tell me what they really mean is some combination of poor communication, fractured connection, and unhelpful amounts of honesty, often accompanied by underlying issues of insecurity and resentment that must first be tended to before invitations can be sent and received to co-create a safe, joyful fucking zone.

00:39:14:00 - 00:39:39:23

Luna

A little note on transforming don't introduce very, very, very monumental in my world. The seeds of this sexy preamble that I've shared with you were inspired by two things. The first was early clients asking me, what am I allowed to do with you? And which is a fair question. I'm not making fun of it. I just was so surprised by it because I didn't know how to answer right away.

00:39:39:23 - 00:40:02:04

Luna

You know, it was a I was like, oh, what we agreed on. But they were really asking for more detailed instruction. And early on I didn't know how to give it. The second was a list of rules that are now retired veteran who briefly mentored me, emphatically encouraged me to study and adopt for my own clients because she had so many terrible boundaries, pushing client experiences.

00:40:02:06 - 00:40:26:16

Luna

I no longer remember the specific book or podcast that was in my brain at that particular moment in time, but I do remember it might have been multiples because it things come into my brain and themes. I remember it was one of many sources over the years that has pointed out to my consciousness the importance of precise language, specifically the concept that you do is much easier to aim for and complete than I don't.

00:40:26:18 - 00:40:52:14

Luna

I think the classic example is don't think of a white elephant and it's like, well, you got to think of what not to think of before you can think of something different to substitute. Right. But I'm like, purple elephant, think purple elephant. It's much easier to do that. So I don't remember the source in that particular time. But I do remember that that was the moment where I turned a corner and transformed into one of those annoying to most everyone else people that is constantly reframing.

00:40:52:16 - 00:41:18:05

Luna

Don't let me forget into I will help you remember whatever they ask for. So I remember looking at her list and seeing that it was entirely written in. Do not now. I was not even the intended audience for her list, but I noticed how defensive I suddenly felt. I felt a fear of something bad happening and fear that I would do something wrong.

00:41:18:07 - 00:41:39:04

Luna

Even though I was not her client. I was a professional in my own right and a very well educated sexual being. And because that podcast or that book or whatever combination of learnings was in my head at that moment, I forever then vowed to practice Dos as much as possible going forward. Kimberly knows this deeply. Like in conversation, Kimberly is the person I am the safest to be.

00:41:39:05 - 00:41:52:04

Luna

Like, okay, I'm going to say it messy. It's going to be a don't help me transform it to a do, because sometimes it is really hard. I've been practicing for years. I'm really good at it. But even like Kimberly, someone who I can just edit on the fly, she'll be like, I don't want to blah blah blah. I'll be like, you do want to blah blah blah.

00:41:52:04 - 00:42:10:01

Luna

And she'll be like, yes, you know? And so the people who are closest to me tend to appreciate the reframes. It does annoy most people who haven't drunk that Kool-Aid, but I invite all of you to, like, transform into doers, because it is so much easier to hit a target when you're aiming for a bull's eye than to be like, don't hit the rest of the world.

00:42:10:06 - 00:42:34:15

Luna

I don't know, you know? So I do my best to focus people on sentences that will create helpful visuals for the things that I do want to happen. Of course, there are always rooms for don'ts, like there's certain things must explicitly be said in order for clarity. I acknowledge this, but even if the picture I'm painting is simply about how we will communicate because I don't know exactly what I want, but I want to navigate it together one step at a time.

00:42:34:17 - 00:42:59:18

Luna

So I do always encourage action oriented, present tense invitations. I invite you to try it and please tell me the hot delicious connection it results in. And on that final note, I've said it. I'm going to say it again. Talking about it ahead of time especially is hot. One of the most common fears that I hear from people is that stopping to do these safety oriented things ruins the flow, kills the vibe I have found over and over again.

00:42:59:18 - 00:43:24:09

Luna

The opposite is true. Also many, many, many, many guests on the podcast after we record will later admit to me that they felt turned on. Many of you out there who are listening right to me. I had no idea. Literally, it was 2024, the second half of last year when I was like, this is erotic to you.

00:43:24:11 - 00:43:49:07

Luna

You're jerking off to this. Like anyone I remember who who made it clear for me, talking about it is hot, even if it's the most respectful, even if it's explicit, like it's very hot. When partners agree to protect me, it's very hot to feel safe, that I'm looking out to protect them. When I have a partner. Pause in the midst of pounding me for a few minutes to check in to make sure that the ribbed edge of the condom is still at the base of their cock.

00:43:49:09 - 00:44:13:10

Luna

I am that much more turned on feeling safe that I can relax and enjoy the moment because we're both looking out, you know? And when my partner and I jump up to wash our hands to avoid mixing fluids, it's a fun little breather. It's a chance to hydrate. It's a hot, hot mini adventure in the room where the house or the hotel or the apartment weren't where we are, and we get to connect and reconnect before safely returning to the physical and the next chapter.

00:44:13:12 - 00:44:38:12

Luna

And when my partner checks in about my comfort because they care. That is the hardest thing in the world, and that allows me to drop deeper into a sense of trust and safety, which allows both of us together to have next level heightened experiences. Now, this is a little bit of a topic shift, but there are some things that conversation cannot solve, so preparation sometimes trumps conversation.

00:44:38:14 - 00:45:02:02

Luna

There are some things that cannot be uplifted immediately, even with the most thorough dialog. So I will finish by encouraging everyone everywhere to please take these few things into account ahead of time. Again, not a comprehensive list, just an inspiration point. Whether or not you were expecting to get intimate with anyone, please prioritize hygiene in your life, both whole body and oral.

00:45:02:04 - 00:45:20:14

Luna

So grab yourself especially nooks and crannies like armpits, groin, butt areas, anything where skin is folding over on itself. And I highly, highly recommend exfoliator gloves a few times a week. Maybe get a couple pairs. You can wash them every couple of uses. You know, I get my little scrubs from when I go to a spa day, but it feels really good.

00:45:20:17 - 00:45:39:13

Luna

And then your skin is nice and soft and it's delightful. It's still life. And if you have a partner that you shower with, scrubbing each other is really, really fun and sweet, and it's just a nice way to have non-sexual, intimate physical touch. I also recommend brushing and flossing your teeth at least once a day, even if you are not planning on kissing anyone.

00:45:39:15 - 00:46:05:08

Luna

Brush your teeth after eating anything with a pungent odor. Definitely, you know. And if you want to be top, top, top, top, top tier, brush within 15 minutes of every meal because that is when the most plaque will get eaten away on your teeth. Yes, please. Also, please, please, please wash your asshole really thoroughly. If you use your scrubby gloves to wash your asshole, I recommend washing them right away.

00:46:05:16 - 00:46:27:02

Luna

Especially if you are a vagina owner, because you don't want to get that up in that canal. Keep them separate, keep the bacteria separate. And even if you're not showering, like even if you don't have access to a bidet wipes, just really, especially before you get intimate with someone, just really, really check your asshole. Like, again, this is where it's like it can get tricky because we don't look at all of our parts and if we're moving quickly, I get it.

00:46:27:02 - 00:46:48:02

Luna

But, I can tell you from experience, lots of us out there need reminders to wash assholes thoroughly. Also, please consider a diet of nutritious whole foods. It definitely affects how you taste and smell. In instances where I might swallow cum, I definitely want to be swallowing the cum of someone who eats nutritious whole foods and stays away from sugar and alcohol.

00:46:48:04 - 00:47:09:05

Luna

And when we get enough fiber in our diets, it makes the previous point of washing one's asshole that much easier. Lastly, please keep sense. Minimal is fine if you want to have your perfume or Cologne. Some people are very, very, very sensitive to sense. I am not one of those people. However, it it definitely doesn't need to be overpowering.

00:47:09:05 - 00:47:31:13

Luna

And if you were trying to use a scent to draw attention away from the fact that you didn't shower, please rethink that strategy. And just like, hop into the shower. And if you're visiting at the ranch, you have to shower. That's part of it. That's part of the fun. But, those are those are the things. But like, you really got to do on your own time ahead of time in any instance to, to stay lovely and, you know, desirable to a partner who you might want to woo.

00:47:31:13 - 00:47:56:06

Luna

So implementing any and or all of these steps that I have mentioned in this episode, whatever is relevant to you for me, mentioning them and creating this kind of like flow where I remember to share these things has absolutely next level up leveled my partner at sex. Even the most basic quickies. It's so fun and cute when someone feels safe because they know how.

00:47:56:06 - 00:48:13:10

Luna

I invite them to touch me and then they they get a little confident and they're, you know, and then they're more foreplay, friend, instead of waiting for me to do everything because I've made it really, really clear what's on the table. And it also makes it really easy to tell when someone's trying to be naughty. And I kick them right out because that's unacceptable.

00:48:13:12 - 00:48:38:04

Luna

So from connection to physical pleasure, these steps have resulted in mutual joy that I really want for every single person who's interested in engaging in intimacy with another partner on any level to have, like, I want you all to experience this like next level joy. So let me know how it works out for you if you implement any of this firsthand, and if you need private tutoring, you know where to find me.

00:48:38:06 - 00:48:56:12

Luna

And again, to read the written version of this episode, you can find all my how to brothel guides on my website at Luna Rob eCommerce FAQ. And remember that I love hearing from you. So please reach out with any questions, reflections, and resulting experiences and follow your hearts and follow your parts. And remember to share sex stories.