Foursome With Friends: Steph’s Update
- Luna Robbie
- Nov 21, 2022
- 16 min read
24 pansexual female, married, switch.
00:00:00:01 - 00:00:12:08
Luna
Welcome Steph from episode 78. I originally introduced in March 2020 and we heard your stories in May 2020. What's up? What's been going on since I kid life?
00:00:12:10 - 00:00:22:17
Steph
My life has been pretty great actually. I've done a lot of exploring and experimenting and things, but I'm excited to talk about the.
00:00:22:19 - 00:00:28:04
Luna
Do you want to do any human seconds first? Like, anything we need to know about you or let's just take us where you want to go.
00:00:28:06 - 00:00:51:02
Steph
Okay. Yeah, I am now 24, almost 25, and I've been married for two years with my husband for three. I had a baby since we last talked. He's now a year old. How is I now? That was nasty and exhausting.
00:00:51:04 - 00:00:53:10
Luna
It's okay with having sex life or just in general.
00:00:53:12 - 00:01:16:20
Steph
Both. They definitely was very taxing on my sex life. My husband and I, we were both exhausted. Of course, after having the baby, but during my whole pregnancy I was so exhausted I never got the libido jump that you're supposed to get in your second trimester. Never got that. But you know, yeah, I know, right? Like that's probably the hardest part.
00:01:16:22 - 00:01:38:18
Steph
It was definitely interesting trying to like, finds the want to have sex again. That definitely took some time that I wasn't expecting, but we worked through it pretty easily. It was just a lot of communicating, a lot of finding new ways that turned me on, because I guess a lot of things changed during my pregnancy that I wasn't expecting.
00:01:38:23 - 00:02:05:01
Steph
I feel like my love language altogether changed. I went from being a very physical to love language type of person, where I always wanted somebody touching me. Now, I'm not a big fan of people touching me. I'm more of a fan of the emotional support and the physical support and like, getting help with doing the stuff around the house, taking care of the kids, stuff like that.
00:02:05:03 - 00:02:11:00
Luna
Yeah. Can I ask if that's true for like, people in general or your partner or all of it? Kind of.
00:02:11:00 - 00:02:13:12
Steph
All of it, actually. I had.
00:02:13:14 - 00:02:14:00
Luna
Quite.
00:02:14:02 - 00:02:27:00
Steph
A couple of friends out because I realized that it was just me giving everything for the relationship, and I'm giving nothing. So I was like, no, I don't need to be friends. So yeah, I think I'm there everywhere with like.
00:02:27:02 - 00:02:31:08
Luna
How and when do you have a sex life with a baby?
00:02:31:23 - 00:02:49:20
Steph
Well, I have two boys now. I have a almost five year old and a one year old, so that definitely gets tricky. A lot of times it's either during nap time when we get a few minutes, or it after bedtime when they're asleep.
00:02:49:22 - 00:03:03:13
Luna
Yeah, yeah. All right. What have you been like enjoying in your sex life lately? So we heard a little bit about acts of service. Is that kind of more in that realm or just give us some details of what that is feeling good to you. If anything.
00:03:03:15 - 00:03:28:13
Steph
We've been trying to stuff more into the Bdsm realm with our sex life, and we've been exploring with me being more of the dominant person. I was very dominant before I had my second child, but then after that, I did not want to put in any work for you. I didn't want to be in charge of anything afterwards.
00:03:28:13 - 00:03:37:06
Steph
So now, like, I think all my hormones are coming down, so I'm getting back into my original self. Therefore I was a pregnant person.
00:03:37:08 - 00:03:39:11
Luna
Wow. Okay.
00:03:39:12 - 00:04:03:13
Steph
What we're kind of doing to explore more dominant stuff. I've started with following some of the war photographers and I've been, you know, trying to take sexy pictures of myself. I've been, actually, my husband and I both have been doing that. We've been trying to take, like, one sexy picture a day. We don't get to do that.
00:04:03:13 - 00:04:16:05
Steph
But we've been doing really good with it where we've been just sending each other sexy pictures or videos of us trying different things, and it's been so great because I'm finally getting pictures of my husband.
00:04:16:05 - 00:04:22:06
Luna
Just to, oh, that's so great because you want issues that are good here. How did you kind of decide to do that?
00:04:22:19 - 00:04:47:21
Steph
Actually, I thought it was a confidence thing that one of the photographers I followed was one of the things that they kind of put on their TikTok. I was like, I, here's a challenge you can do to get your confidence up in your body and like your sense of self and taking pictures like I did one night at a whole photoshoot where I did like, I think I ended up sending him like 15 pictures and they're all in different poses.
00:04:47:21 - 00:04:49:09
Luna
And it.
00:04:49:09 - 00:05:02:17
Steph
Was honestly the best for not only me, but I know he enjoyed it as well. Like his reaction was perfect, which made me feel even better. Like his reaction was before shipping me and that made me feel amazing.
00:05:02:19 - 00:05:03:20
Luna
00:05:03:22 - 00:05:21:04
Steph
That was so great. And then just seeing myself, I was like, yeah, I look amazing. I look super hot there, I feel great, I feel like I can do this. So it's definitely been helping. I definitely recommend taking sexy pictures and videos of yourself to anybody now.
00:05:21:06 - 00:05:22:15
Luna
And I get help.
00:05:22:17 - 00:05:43:01
Steph
Yeah, it helps a lot. It's great and it's so much fun. So far it's just been in my bedroom. I've thought about bringing it out onto my balcony because now we're in an apartment now and I have a nice, lovely view of trees in the back and it's pretty much just trees. It's pretty private in my.
00:05:43:01 - 00:05:44:06
Luna
Section of the.
00:05:44:06 - 00:06:01:00
Steph
Apartment, so I was like, maybe I should try taking pictures out here. I thought of taking pictures on like the beach that I think I probably have somebody help me. I probably have my best friend come and help me with the stairs. That's definitely going to be more easy with somebody else.
00:06:01:00 - 00:06:06:16
Luna
Extra help when there's water, so I definitely recommend it for sure is yes.
00:06:06:16 - 00:06:09:17
Steph
But I've thought about like.
00:06:09:19 - 00:06:10:02
Luna
Some.
00:06:10:02 - 00:06:32:02
Steph
Nature trails around here that are pretty like secluded because like, I definitely want to be respectful. I know some people do not want to see half naked people while they're walking and, you know, enjoying their day or whatever. So I'm like trying to find areas where it would be appropriate for me to do pictures and stuff. So it's it's a lot of research right now.
00:06:32:04 - 00:06:45:06
Luna
Okay. What else do we need to hear about. Are there any like toys or anything or do you just like, like stuff that you've been thinking about in relationship to sex or your sex life? Like what? What are you sexually noodling on?
00:06:45:07 - 00:07:09:13
Steph
So I have one experience that I had last October ahead of me. So I got the time frame right. It was last October, and this is actually one of the things that helped me want to have sex again after having my son. So have we met some of my girlfriends that, there were four of us. They took me out for Halloween.
00:07:09:15 - 00:07:34:01
Steph
We have a little downtown strand where there's a bunch of bars and stuff that always throws. Like if they get together for Halloween here. And so we went down. We went bar hopping. We had a great time. We ended up at our LGBTQ friendly bar. It's like, that's the whole theme of the bar. It's great. Oh, that's where we ended the night.
00:07:34:01 - 00:07:57:20
Steph
And you know, like I was dancing with girls. I was having a great time. I had all these women around me just went touching me and telling me I was beautiful. And I was like, this is great, I love this. And then the four of us ended up coming back to my apartment lol. My husband was here and the four of us not including my husband about.
00:07:57:20 - 00:08:00:03
Steph
That's four girls. I ended up having a foursome.
00:08:00:05 - 00:08:05:04
Luna
Oh wow. So yeah.
00:08:05:06 - 00:08:25:14
Steph
It was honestly really fun. I it before when I was thinking about group practice or three times or anything with more than just you and your partner. Yeah, I was like, I don't understand the mechanics of it. Like, I don't understand who those where, what he was doing. Why, if somebody's going to get bored, that was always my worry with it.
00:08:25:16 - 00:08:30:14
Steph
But it was just really fun. You know, we kind of just like.
00:08:30:16 - 00:08:31:00
Luna
Kept.
00:08:31:00 - 00:08:54:17
Steph
Swapping, you know, who we were interacting with through the whole thing. And then we had like, it was really fun because we didn't like, plan any of it. We didn't talk really. My seniors thing about it, like the only thing that we really talked about beforehand was two of us. So we didn't do much like shaving, you know, for our vagina or anything like that.
00:08:54:17 - 00:09:11:21
Steph
And the other two girls were completely bare. So we were like, is this an issue? And it was like, no, dude, you're fine. You're like, they made me feel so much better because I was really worried about taking my bra off because, you know, I was breastfeeding. I was worried about milk getting everywhere. And they're like, just take it off.
00:09:11:21 - 00:09:33:15
Steph
It's fine. Like we'll watch the sheep. It's fine. And so it was really nice to just be completely validated about my body with people. I wasn't expecting to end up in that situation that night because Hannah probably planned for. We were just planning to have a fun night, and that's how it and that's what it led up to.
00:09:33:17 - 00:10:00:08
Steph
But it was just really nice because like, we each individually like it was just we had time where one of us was the focus of all of us, you know? So it was really fun. And I learned a lot about, you know, where I like to be touched now, what feelings I like. And I learned, but I really enjoyed having more than one person in my bed.
00:10:00:08 - 00:10:02:01
Steph
It was a lot of fun.
00:10:05:10 - 00:10:12:15
Luna
Wow, what a good friend of mine. Yeah. Me too. Yeah, yeah.
00:10:12:15 - 00:10:14:19
Steph
It was really fun.
00:10:14:21 - 00:10:20:11
Luna
Where I couldn't, like, in the other room. Just like, listening. Like he was.
00:10:20:11 - 00:10:26:12
Steph
Downstairs. And from what he says, I thought we were being quiet, but apparently we were not.
00:10:26:13 - 00:10:40:20
Luna
He just. I can't imagine being quiet with that. That level of, like, fun. Yeah. Can I ask, what do you remember about when you got focused on you were learning about your body or that there that you care for? Sure?
00:10:40:22 - 00:11:05:21
Steph
Yeah. I really liked the feeling of having multiple hands on me all at once. Like, I got so much stimulation and it never got to the point where I was overstimulation to where I got painful. Because sometimes I'll have that issue with using toys where it'll just be like, okay, this is too much. I get away from me totally.
00:11:06:00 - 00:11:18:18
Steph
But, it never got to that point. And I was really surprised because we were having sex for a couple of hours, like, there were four of us and we're all female and we can all go for however long we feel like.
00:11:18:20 - 00:11:21:01
Luna
So it was.
00:11:21:03 - 00:11:40:19
Steph
It was a couple of hours and I never got to the point of overstimulation. I found out that I really liked my boobs being played with at that time. Before I didn't like my boobs. Things much at all because. But when I first was breastfeeding, it was a horrible experience. It was painful the whole time. I didn't have much success with it.
00:11:40:19 - 00:12:02:12
Steph
I ended up getting a clogged mastitis. It was horrible. So after that I was like, I don't really want my boobs messed with. Like, oh, that's time. So now like that experience, I was like, oh my God, this feels great. I am missing out and I really like my legs. I've learned about my legs are a very functional point for me.
00:12:02:13 - 00:12:10:10
Steph
So that was really nice to feel so many hands on my legs at one time. And it was really nice because I was like.
00:12:10:12 - 00:12:10:20
Luna
Each.
00:12:10:20 - 00:12:28:13
Steph
Person, each of the girls I was with, they really paid attention to body cues, which I really love. People who do that because that's one of the most important things, like do sometimes you're not able to voice what's going on during sex. So the body to really.
00:12:28:13 - 00:12:51:09
Luna
Help a man is how oh, so what happens after like, these are your friends, right? Where you all just like you go. You're supposed to talk about, like, a secret. Like it sounds like there's just such a beautiful, loving vibe between you. Oh, is it just like this beautiful light that in your memories, you guys reference it?
00:12:51:20 - 00:13:14:17
Steph
Every now and then, my best friend, I will talk about it and we'll, like, make jokes about us hooking up again. So far, we haven't really had an opportunity to sleep together again, but it's definitely something that we've talked about. It's something that we're like, oh my God, I can't believe we actually did that. Okay.
00:13:14:19 - 00:13:15:07
Luna
Yeah.
00:13:15:16 - 00:13:37:23
Steph
The other two girls that I wasn't really close with that, so I don't really see them much now. You know, we'll interact on social media, but that's about it because, like, we're just not really in the same circle. Like, I knew them because we all worked together at one point and we just went out that night to hang out.
00:13:38:00 - 00:13:54:18
Steph
So, I don't really talk to or interact with much, but like a few times that I have talked to them afterwards. It's not an awkward, it's not bad. Like, I can't look you in the eye now, like, so it's just been like, yeah, it happens. It doesn't need to be a big deal.
00:13:54:20 - 00:14:15:08
Luna
But so that experience happened just almost a year ago. The shifts in these are like desires. Or did it shift any of your own fantasies, like we heard footsteps on like, groups that like, oh, maybe this is so hard, but like, you know, sort of described a lot of people like, talk to me like, I want to have sex, but what is it just happened.
00:14:15:08 - 00:14:27:08
Luna
And so you've given up a very awesome, clear example of that. Do you feel like it? You know, just like it could translate into on purpose group sex that you create or does it affect you at all that just like a fun thing that happened?
00:14:27:21 - 00:14:56:21
Steph
It's definitely something that I'd like to try to recreate and have again, that my husband and I have talked about potentially getting and having a third person in our relationship. I've talked about it a lot, and we're both really interested in doing that. The only hang up was with us is I'm a very awkward person around strangers, and I'm definitely not the personality and the person that talks to strangers first.
00:14:56:23 - 00:14:58:01
Luna
Yeah, so.
00:14:58:06 - 00:15:09:16
Steph
The hands that we have right now is where do we meet somebody who fits what we like and like? How do we figure this out? How do we find this person.
00:15:09:18 - 00:15:13:05
Luna
To so to that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:15:13:07 - 00:15:38:17
Steph
And I we've tried dating apps twice now that are supposed to be for couples looking for somebody else. And like as soon as I always started using the app, we realized very quickly they were either hungry for money and I was the only way you're going to use the app, or it was just not as advertised. So we haven't really found an online platform that we like for that.
00:15:38:18 - 00:15:39:19
Luna
Yeah, and.
00:15:39:23 - 00:15:49:15
Steph
I don't really do much when it comes to going out to new places or something. I'm working on saving for.
00:15:49:17 - 00:16:02:07
Luna
Someone who can will really help. And I still use the awkwardness. And I also know that, like, you know, I mean, look at me when I'm on the stand and look what happens. You know, it's possible for us. Yeah.
00:16:02:09 - 00:16:07:10
Steph
We did have my husband. I did have a.
00:16:07:12 - 00:16:09:11
Luna
Short.
00:16:09:12 - 00:16:15:20
Steph
Threesome interaction. And with one of my other friends, January this year, it was just.
00:16:15:20 - 00:16:17:12
Luna
For because to.
00:16:17:12 - 00:16:38:21
Steph
Stop a month that we slept together. We only had sex like complex times. And then we had, like, I guess, sleepovers a couple of other times. So that was really fun. That helped me learn, but I actually enjoy watching my husband being with somebody else, and I saw a lot of fun and it was very hot.
00:16:38:23 - 00:16:45:04
Luna
Amazing. Okay. I'm watching a partner with somebody else.
00:16:45:06 - 00:16:46:21
Steph
Yes. Yeah. I was.
00:16:47:21 - 00:16:48:09
Luna
Okay.
00:16:48:10 - 00:17:06:21
Steph
Yeah. And then kind of it was weird because I was like a part of my mind was like, wow, this is really happening right now. And the other part of me was like, oh, this is really cool. Like, this is really hot. I don't know what to do with this information.
00:17:06:23 - 00:17:07:09
Luna
Yeah.
00:17:07:12 - 00:17:40:23
Steph
But my husband and I, we've talked about it so much, was one of the things I, I love most about our, our relationship is we have the most open, explicit communication. It's the best. And it's yeah, it really is like a people don't think it is, but it's very hot. It works wonders for your sex life. And, we've talked about maybe going to a couple of sex clubs that we've looked up and we found, of course, they're all like an hour to three hours away from us, unfortunately.
00:17:40:23 - 00:18:02:03
Steph
So that's why we haven't gone for you guys to have more of, like, a mini vacation. We have to plan. But we've also just been trying to find ones by looks appealing because like a couple of the ones, but we've found they just look very dark, very Johnson like. And I'm like, that's not the vibe I'm going for.
00:18:02:05 - 00:18:19:17
Steph
I don't want to feel like I'm in somebody's basement. That's not where I'm going. Yeah, I want stuff. So, you know, stuff to sit on. So, as far as, like textures, I'm very much a texture person, so. Yeah, I.
00:18:19:19 - 00:18:30:01
Luna
Like this just a little. I'd like it to be well-lit. Like with natural. Yeah, I to present use, but I don't have to, like, totally fuck up my sleep schedule in my life so I can.
00:18:30:03 - 00:18:44:10
Steph
Yeah, that would be great. Yes, that would be amazing. Yeah. A lot of those dungeons and like, the sex clubs that I've seen that I've looked up online in my area, they're very dark.
00:18:44:12 - 00:18:44:19
Luna
Yeah.
00:18:44:19 - 00:19:10:18
Steph
And I'm like, okay, I have terrible night vision. I'm going to be bumping into everything. It just doesn't work for me. Or like, I want to light my husband. I love having sex with the lights on because, like, we just love to see each other. We also really enjoy having sex in front of a mirror too. And we've even talked about trying to figure out a way to renter friendly put a mirror on the ceiling, but we haven't.
00:19:10:20 - 00:19:13:07
Steph
We haven't narrowed that one down yet.
00:19:13:09 - 00:19:15:00
Luna
I love that idea though.
00:19:15:02 - 00:19:24:16
Steph
My solution in the meantime is I want to get bigger mirrors. For right now I just have like one of those bathroom door mirrors that you hang on your bathroom door.
00:19:24:18 - 00:19:25:10
Luna
That's very.
00:19:25:10 - 00:19:55:05
Steph
Small, and I want to get nice big mirrors. We've been toying more with getting me comfortable with less stuff. I started wearing. It's like a three bead anal bead. Nice boy. They're nice and small, but not too small to wear. You know, it just, like, automatically falls out. So I've been trying to wear those, like in the evening time after I've showered or, you know, after I've done, you know, my day of kit for in bed.
00:19:55:05 - 00:20:10:06
Steph
I started wearing those just in the evening time when we're not having sexy stuff happen so that I'm more comfortable and I have I've learned that it definitely does help. So just like they're used to the feeling.
00:20:10:08 - 00:20:13:18
Luna
Yes, exactly. How do you think this is?
00:20:13:19 - 00:20:27:06
Steph
We've actually had anal sex, but I think 2 or 3 times now. And so far the easiest way for me to actually have anal is if I've been drinking at least a little bit.
00:20:27:10 - 00:20:28:21
Luna
00:20:28:23 - 00:20:49:09
Steph
So that did that just helps my mind not overthink that a lot since. Yeah, because I've noticed I went even if I want to have anal when I haven't had a drink curtail. I'm just so nervous and tense up about it I can't get myself to relax. So that's another thing that I have been trying to work on.
00:20:49:09 - 00:20:55:06
Steph
But these are helping. Yeah, just getting my mind in the right state beforehand.
00:20:55:08 - 00:21:21:03
Luna
Oh my God, I can totally relate to that. And I absolutely remember some times where like, the car was going and I was like so horny for it. I started to get anxious here where I think it hurts or I think it feels weird, or maybe it burnt like a and it's no lube. And then I'm like, wait a second, the monster that I would like come up with for my purposes, always something along the lines of like, okay, but you're going to like it in like four seconds.
00:21:21:03 - 00:21:37:03
Luna
Let's just relax into that part. And then I would read through it and sometimes it would help me get there much faster. And it's like that. That's part of my own trust building process. I think it's also been almost a fucking year since I've had anal sex, so I thought I was going to have it this weekend, but that's okay.
00:21:37:06 - 00:21:43:11
Luna
Oh, I'm so sorry. I just know that it means more edging and that's fine.
00:21:43:13 - 00:22:12:03
Steph
Yeah, edging is always fun, but I think it's great thing to tell yourself, though. I'm definitely going to have to remember that next time. And that's definitely my issue. If I overthink things and then the overthinking takes over any other type of thinking and it just runs away from me. So and my husband is great for helping me like, ground myself again, because anytime we're trying anal and he's like, are you okay?
00:22:12:05 - 00:22:27:04
Steph
All right. My am I okay down more or do we need more lube? Like he's asking questions the whole time and I'm like, this is great. Although sometimes the questions take me out of the moment for a minute, but then I'm I'm able to get back into.
00:22:27:04 - 00:22:29:21
Luna
It because sometimes I'm like.
00:22:29:23 - 00:22:35:14
Steph
I need more lube. Let me think about it for a minute.
00:22:35:16 - 00:22:40:16
Luna
I mean, when in doubt, if it's okay. Yes, yes, they have.
00:22:40:16 - 00:22:44:11
Steph
Us. Usually when we go, if I see asks, I'm like, you might as well. You're already.
00:22:44:11 - 00:22:49:13
Luna
Asked stuff. Thank you so much for sharing these updates.
00:22:49:15 - 00:22:51:02
Steph
Yes of course.
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