Fluid Fan: Alex’s Update
- Luna Robbie
- Jan 1, 2024
- 44 min read
29 single gay cis male.
00:00:00:05 - 00:00:20:04
Luna
An update from a lovely past guest who is here to talk about his emotional journey with sex and search for love. A 32 year old gay man who is single and a social worker. He is into rimming, kissing and foreplay. And we first talked in episode 129 from July 2021. Loving. Bisexual. Welcome back Alex.
00:00:20:08 - 00:00:21:11
Alex
Hey, how are you?
00:00:21:13 - 00:00:41:17
Luna
I am so happy to have you here and so excited to talk. After two years where we have both, I think grown a lot. Can you start off by telling us today, if you had to rate yourself on a sexual shaming meter with ten being full of shame and one being not so shaming at all, where do you fall today, right now, and what has the roller coaster been like in the couple of years since we talked?
00:00:41:19 - 00:00:58:03
Alex
A to today. Okay. I'm in a really good place right now. It's been a roller coaster, I think. Like, I just listened that episode, which is actually really fun. And I was like, it's good to hear that. Kind of want to know what I said? Yeah. And it was really interesting to listen to. And a lot has changed.
00:00:58:07 - 00:01:12:13
Alex
But I think what I said then was right now that it's just like a roller coaster, the same kind of goes up and down and depends where you're at in your life and what's going on around you. And like, right now I'm in a really good play. Fuck yeah. So much. Same there.
00:01:12:15 - 00:01:32:01
Luna
I love that. Tell us about this emotional journey with sex. Bring shame into it if you want, but also maybe the parts where shame just washed away. Like what has been happening for you with these emotions. And also, maybe I want to ask about the label now. Full gay bisexual. Okay.
00:01:32:03 - 00:01:50:19
Alex
Yeah. I mean, again, I still agree with what I said, being that, yeah, labels just kind of make it a little messy for me. And again, I don't find conversations where people are asking me this and like my baby, like like, are you gay or bisexual? Even my friends, it was just kind of this thing that happened. And not many people ask me.
00:01:50:21 - 00:02:09:03
Alex
But yeah, so when I say I'm like, yeah, I'm gay, like, this is what it is now. I kind of only see myself with men. It was interesting to hear of that, because I was kind of in that place, and I'm still figuring it out. I don't know what I want. I wasn't completely out of the closet to everyone I knew, and now I am, which is amazing.
00:02:09:05 - 00:02:25:08
Alex
And it just gives you kind of a new freedom. I would even say, you know, oh, weight lifted off of like, yeah, I'm good with who I am. And everybody around me is good at who I am. And kind of getting rid of that same slowly, kind of just like you, like, oh, I don't have to have that.
00:02:25:08 - 00:02:35:09
Alex
I can figure out how to live my life without the shame, which is nice. It never goes away, but it's there and it doesn't control what I do. Yeah, yeah, we can say it that way.
00:02:35:11 - 00:02:55:12
Luna
I would love to hear a little bit about. Kind of like you said, you're more fully out to people in your life. And also you're living a life where it's not like you're getting asked specifically to label yourself. So, like, is there anything interesting to know about how some of those conversations unfolded, or was it just more like comfort of discovery and sharing with people who are important to you?
00:02:55:14 - 00:03:14:15
Alex
Like, I'm trying to think back as like it just happened really naturally of just me being in an environment which was a little more accepting there. But now I have a period which is a lot more gay friendly. It's a lot more out there, and I was able to figure out what I wanted without having to shame around those different cities I lived in.
00:03:14:16 - 00:03:33:15
Alex
You felt it more in here. You don't feel this much. I also changed jobs as a social worker still, but working now, an environment where we have nine men working with us and eight of them are gay. So just being in that setting was really freeing. Yeah. Having like a community, a gay community, you can say, which I was never really part of.
00:03:33:16 - 00:03:34:20
Luna
Dude. Relatable.
00:03:35:00 - 00:03:59:14
Alex
Yeah. Just kind of gave me that freedom to just be like, oh, okay. I can live this life and be happy and like, have friends that are gay and not feel the pressure trying to hide things or trying to not be who I am. And also being okay with like there's still parts of me that are less feminine or more masculine, not having that extra voice in my head of like, well, hide that part or don't show that part, or just being who you are.
00:03:59:14 - 00:04:28:00
Alex
And being able to have those conversations openly has been really cool. And I think also like just being in a setting with a lot of gay men, the conversations are more relatable. Yeah, I think with my straight friends sometimes, like they don't fully understand what I'm talking about, whether it's like a sex culture within the gay community. Some of my friends, if you're talking about it, what makes them sort of like, yeah, like I met a guy, talk to him on Griner and met him in like within a half hour, 40 minutes of like, oh, okay.
00:04:28:00 - 00:04:51:22
Alex
Bye. And I think what. And then within this community, it's like, yeah, I know like, yeah okay. That's how that works. So that was really interesting of like having that freedom of like, oh, this person knows exactly what I'm talking about. I don't need to explain myself. And so it kind of gave me that confidence to be like, oh, okay, I can be who I am, and I can have more confidence in myself and not be hiding any part of it.
00:04:52:00 - 00:05:15:06
Alex
That was really cool. Yeah, just something like that was also really cool was that I decided to come out to my dad finally, which I think last time you had asked me about it, I was like, oh, that's in Prague, a work in progress. Yeah, yeah. And that was just a really cool moment of like, he was very accepting and it was just a great conversation, and it kind of gave me that extra freedom of like, there isn't anything stopping.
00:05:15:07 - 00:05:34:05
Alex
I think for a while it was like, oh, wait, if I get into a relationship at some point, I have to tell my father and then it's like it's hanging over your head if I go. But that's really scary. And now I feel like it's completely gone and I can just be who I am and do what I want and not worry about what's going to happen after it.
00:05:34:06 - 00:05:53:18
Luna
Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Okay, so I know this is your past guest update, and this is not about me, but everything you're saying is like sparking for me so hard. And I'm like, did the universe just like, drop you back into my life to, like, be a clear signal? Because, you know, I am not fully open about all of the depths of sex work explorations I've been doing.
00:05:53:18 - 00:06:12:18
Luna
I talk about exploring the hierarchy, and I talk about that with my family openly. And while I think a lot of what I'm doing is very obvious to anyone who is looking to pay attention, to try to figure it out, I still haven't like it literally is the same thing where it's like, I just haven't been like, hey dad, here's specifically everything I'm doing.
00:06:12:18 - 00:06:29:13
Luna
And part of that is because I've gotten a lot of advice from friends and family members that are like, well, it's your sex life, though. So like, you know, dads don't want to know you're done, probably doesn't want to know. And I would love to hear from your perspective. I know it's a different set of circumstances, a different scenario.
00:06:29:13 - 00:06:38:19
Luna
But what was that conversation like? Did you like intentionally initiate it, or were you more opportunistic and like, yeah, just tell us some details if you will.
00:06:38:21 - 00:06:56:10
Alex
Oh yeah. This was intentional. Like, I think that I kind of did get to this point. I was just like, I can't have it hanging over my head like, yeah, I don't want that thought, okay? If I get a relationship, there's going to be that moment where now I have to say something, but I'm in a relationship that's going to be way more complicated.
00:06:56:16 - 00:07:16:16
Alex
And I think my dad did just buy me up for dinner. And I was like, okay, this is the dinner. This is the time. Like, I'm going to build it up in my head and like it's going to happen. And we went and I remember being really nervous. My dad's a very accepting person. He's not very verbal, but I've never gotten any sort of non accepting energy from him.
00:07:16:16 - 00:07:29:14
Alex
Like he's always he's just who he is and he just like, you know, everybody do what they want and he does what's good for him. But he is religious. So it was like this thing of like oh I don't know how that's going to go. And I remember like I was like, okay, I have to go to the bathroom.
00:07:29:14 - 00:07:36:17
Alex
And I went to the bathroom and I was like, okay, just do it. Just sit down, say, like, dad, I'm gay. And about whatever happened to happen?
00:07:36:19 - 00:07:40:08
Luna
Where were you in the dinner at this point? Like, was it beginning dinner, middle? Oh, no.
00:07:40:09 - 00:07:44:20
Alex
This is I was like, there's no way I'm sitting for a full dinner. Okay, that was my.
00:07:44:20 - 00:07:45:04
Luna
Fault, too.
00:07:45:05 - 00:08:03:14
Alex
I'm like, yeah, this hanging over I was way too. I was like, I can't eat like this. So like, literally just sat down right away, came back from the bathroom, announced that I have something to tell you. And it's like, what? And I was like, I'm gay. Like, okay. He has some weird questions. I was like, I'm going to give him the space to do it.
00:08:03:14 - 00:08:17:21
Alex
I mean, I think one of the first things he said was like, oh, he's remarried now. Like, my parents are divorced, they should be married. And he's like, his wife had been a singer, so she had been around a lot of gay men and I yeah, she, she goes around a lot gay men. So she kind of understands.
00:08:17:21 - 00:08:34:22
Alex
And she asked me if you were gay. And I was like, well, what did you say? It's like, oh, I don't know, man. I didn't think like you didn't think to ask me or, you know, maybe explore that. Yeah. He asked me if it was because of something that had happened.
00:08:35:00 - 00:08:35:18
Luna
00:08:35:20 - 00:08:50:05
Alex
Because of my relationship with my mom or something. I don't even remember what he said exactly. And I was like, no, this is kind of how I was born. It wasn't something that happened because of something else. And I think a lot of people right away are just like, oh, he doesn't know when you have to explain it to him.
00:08:50:06 - 00:09:12:15
Alex
And I'm like, I think it's a process for everybody. Like, whatever you're telling your family, if it's something they didn't necessarily want for you or think that that was your future, I think they need their time as well to go through their process and the expectation that someone even is accepting it. There is going to be like, oh great, I love that for you when they themselves may not understand it or know what's happening.
00:09:12:20 - 00:09:15:10
Alex
Yeah, I think you really need to give people that space.
00:09:15:12 - 00:09:39:02
Luna
But it's such a good point. And the other thing that it brings to mind for me, as I have grown in my own sexy ways with my family, witnessing some of it is it finally, just in the last couple years, occurred to me that obviously so many of us did not get the level of sex education or instruction, especially the emotional components, which I'm curious to hear more about.
00:09:39:04 - 00:09:57:12
Luna
And it's like our parents didn't either. And so for so long, I was like, what? My mom and dad, I don't know. And lately, you know, the past year or two, they have made more and more jokes. They've been increasingly open with me. Not if the rest of my family is around, or maybe if it's just other adults their age that are friends.
00:09:57:12 - 00:10:20:22
Luna
But it finally occurred to me, I'm like, oh, they are now looking to me to lead this portion of our relationship because it is my expertise and I'm only getting more and more expert. You know, I just told them I'm going back to get my master's in sexual health. They love education. They're like, oh my gosh, a master's program, you know, and and my dad last year finally asked you know, sweetie, why sex.
00:10:20:22 - 00:10:38:08
Luna
Like why the focus on sex. And so that opened up a conversation about rejection and social skills and how I learned from talking to hundreds of people that my brain works real different, and my processing is different in the ways that I connect are different. And so it's like so beautiful that you were able to create that space for your dad.
00:10:38:08 - 00:10:43:10
Luna
I wonder also if maybe some of it had to do with the tools that you've learned through your profession?
00:10:43:12 - 00:11:07:05
Alex
Yeah, I think a lot of it was it's funny because it's just like saying, you know, like the psychiatrist is the one that needs the most help. And it's like the social workers need the most therapy. I think it was really a lot of therapy that you learn those tools and kind of just exploring yourself and it was just funny because like you said, when you said, when you're talking about your parents, it just clicked in to me that I was like a kid in your 30s.
00:11:07:06 - 00:11:09:14
Alex
You realize that your parents are people.
00:11:09:16 - 00:11:10:09
Luna
Yeah.
00:11:10:11 - 00:11:31:17
Alex
I think like, you'll be like, oh, like, this is a person who's gone through everything I've gone through as well. Not exactly the same, but they've grown up. They've had, you know, hardship, they've had good times, they've at bad time, confusion moments. They also might not understand how to have this conversation. And you're like, oh, okay. It's not like this needs to be the parent of a young kid.
00:11:31:17 - 00:11:48:11
Alex
We need to like, walk them through everything. It's like, no, I'm an adult. I can now have those conversations, and if I want to talk about it, I can just talk about it and open up that conversation. Yeah. And I think with my dad, it was just this feeling of like, if I say something like I said, it's not very communicative.
00:11:48:11 - 00:12:10:15
Alex
I would say like the best case scenario, if he says nothing and we never talk about this again. Oh, like, okay, okay. And actually, like I felt like me sharing he was able to also kind of talk about like, yeah, in the last couple years, I've also been going on a journey of just trying to figure out, like, you know, my life and what's been happening and kind to make myself a better person.
00:12:10:15 - 00:12:37:05
Alex
And, and it was just really nice. And you just ended up saying to me like, you know, whatever makes you happy, like, that's what makes me happy. And that's something that I didn't think I was going to hear from him. So it was actually it's a really nice moment and it kind of just like I remember I went back in the bathroom afterwards and I just texted a friend of, like, I think this is the first time I feel like I can actually break, like, yeah, without all that weight.
00:12:37:07 - 00:12:39:04
Alex
Let's be like, yeah, it was really nice.
00:12:39:06 - 00:12:57:08
Luna
I know that not every person in the world has that level of acceptance and what sounds like unconditional love from a parent. And I, for me, just hearing those stories and hearing that it does exist, you know, makes me hopeful that maybe even if it's not from a biological family member, we can co-create that world for each other, you know, if it's in a different community space.
00:12:57:08 - 00:13:01:15
Luna
But I'm just so glad to hear that you had that from your dad. That's awesome.
00:13:01:17 - 00:13:20:21
Alex
Yeah, I'm really grateful. But, like, I have a family that really does have that accepting. And it's a process. I think, like the last two years, my mom's been going through the process. She also knew before, and she's a little more communicative and accepting. So she's also like, there there were things she said, like at the beginning when I came out, like, oh, well, I just don't see you.
00:13:21:01 - 00:13:35:15
Alex
The man. Like, I don't think you realize how hurtful that is, but okay. And like the last time I met up with her again, we don't talk about relationships. She was like, are you dating someone? I was like, oh, this was a nice new conversation.
00:13:35:21 - 00:13:36:12
Luna
Yeah.
00:13:36:16 - 00:13:40:07
Alex
It's nice to be able to have the open conversation.
00:13:40:09 - 00:13:58:03
Luna
Yeah. And it's so beautiful the ways in which you are inviting that from your parents, you know, just to share one more like personal reflection in kind of a mirror moment, like my parents were recently staying the night at my place so I could take them to the airport super early the next morning. And I was just coming back from an erotic photography session with a couple.
00:13:58:03 - 00:14:12:15
Luna
And I've been increasingly open about the fact that my photography is not just headshots and that that I'm actually helping people create a lot of content. And so I came back and I was telling I was like, it's such a good session. They connected so much like they're this sweet couple. And I was like telling them about it in the hotel.
00:14:12:20 - 00:14:37:02
Luna
And my dad was like, so it was just a photography session. And I was like, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, and part of me was like, would I even tell my parents? Because sometimes I do connect with clients. You know, I meet most of the people in my personal life through work, but I'm like, it would be so next level for me to like, like come home and be like, yeah, and we just fucked.
00:14:37:02 - 00:15:02:02
Luna
And I'm now seeing you act like, you know, you know, it's like. And I was like, oh, I mean, like, I do have a crush on them a little bit, you know, and I think, you know, maybe they'll come back to Los Angeles sometime. But this was just the focus was on them and their relationship, you know, and and just like, thinking about how it would feel to say those things or even, like, learning more, even through jokes about, you know, my mom has been much more open with me than she was on my very first episode of Sex Stories.
00:15:02:02 - 00:15:06:02
Luna
And that's so beautiful. And also, it's it's totally new territory.
00:15:06:04 - 00:15:09:04
Alex
But sure, I had two questions though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:15:09:06 - 00:15:10:01
Luna
Of course.
00:15:10:01 - 00:15:23:18
Alex
One, you're very artistic. And my question is, is that shown in your home because you're saying they slept by if they're not things in your house that would maybe be like, oh, that's what she does. Light fixtures.
00:15:23:19 - 00:15:41:15
Luna
Around. So I don't have let's see, I do have a couple of like erotic ish photos of me that are like semi hidden. They also have seen all of my like, you know, when I used to post naked stuff on Instagram, like they were like, well, you never did like wearing clothes, you know. So they've they're familiar with that.
00:15:41:15 - 00:16:02:08
Luna
They're not really weird about that. And also we grew up, we don't see each other naked, but we're in swimsuits a lot but grew up in kind of the like German European culture of like we go to spas. We're not weird about it. My house is full of lots of sex books, but like I do, make an effort to like, put all my dildos and sex toys in one far right wardrobe.
00:16:02:08 - 00:16:20:13
Luna
Like if my dad opened up that wardrobe, he would see all of the things. I have no idea if I've ever, like, left something lying around. I know I have definitely left, like dildos out. Like stuck to the bathroom wall when my sister was over. That's kind of a different level. And she's like, she's like, sister, why do you need two of them there?
00:16:20:15 - 00:16:23:14
Luna
I was like, I was doing a DP in the bathtub.
00:16:23:16 - 00:16:25:14
Alex
I don't have any question.
00:16:25:16 - 00:16:41:21
Luna
You know, but. And they know. Right. Like and so they just and right now most recently my mom came over last week because they live a three hour drive. So I see them periodically, but not all the time. I don't like coming into my space all the time, but like I have like stacks of one condoms from a new sponsor.
00:16:41:21 - 00:17:04:04
Luna
And so I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah. Like she can see all those things and she's like, oh, glow in the dark. And I was like, do you want some? And she's like, no, no, I you know, I'm so, you know, so they know. But they also don't. Oh man I'm just realizing that I do my flaggers. Yeah. So I guess I do have a lot of stuff around that I don't like.
00:17:04:04 - 00:17:21:20
Luna
I'm like staring at, like my desk where I have all of the, like, contraptions for recording and I'm like, yeah, my my big, like, impact play bopper is there. My flogger is like my paddles, you know. So I do have like, implements and toys around. And I do literally have like a tantra couch, but they don't know what that is.
00:17:21:20 - 00:17:22:19
Luna
I don't think.
00:17:22:23 - 00:17:25:20
Alex
No, not that couch. Don't sit on my couch.
00:17:25:22 - 00:17:42:06
Luna
Well, no, actually, sadly, I have never been fucked on my time like I did find it. I was going to a spa with a friend a couple of years ago and we she was like, stop the car, stop the car, you need that. And it was literally just like on the street in Silverlake, like a, you know, kind of fancy neighborhood in L.A.
00:17:42:08 - 00:17:51:21
Luna
And I was like, I shouldn't take a street tantra chair. But she was like, we can clean. So we disinfected it. We checked for bedbugs, and it's, you know, it's been fine, but it is waiting to get used.
00:17:51:23 - 00:17:58:12
Alex
Well, it's a great way to start a conversation. And if you're just like dildo in the middle of the table, like, oh, you want to know what this is?
00:17:58:15 - 00:18:06:05
Luna
That's true. I guess I could like if leave out some clothes. My inflatable butt plug. What is this, sweetie?
00:18:06:05 - 00:18:07:20
Alex
What are these for?
00:18:07:22 - 00:18:43:19
Luna
Well, yeah. So, I mean, they get it, but it's also because I do so many arts that are not strictly erotic, but also erotic. You know, mostly people are just overwhelmed by the amount of creative things that I do. And so it's like they get to focus on what to ask about. And then I'm also so full of like facts and figures and like curiosity about society, that is typically what I'm discussing with my parents is like, you know, kind of the nerdy or aspects of connection and human communication, especially as I've become increasingly open about the parts of humanity that I don't understand because I just hate it from the world for a long
00:18:43:19 - 00:19:16:07
Luna
time. And I've gotten by, you know, pretending like I know what's going on. But mostly I don't. And then the more I talk to other people and like, oh, they don't either. They just pretend and they sit quietly next to each other and pop along, and I'm, you know, I'm no longer willing to do that. So I would love to hear from you in this part of your journey that is more emotional and more kind of like curious about love, maybe as it relates to sex or maybe separately, like tell us what that is looking like or feeling like, or what you're noodling on right now in that aspect.
00:19:16:09 - 00:19:40:21
Alex
Yeah, I think that's yes, it's been a lot. I think the cards in point, those certain points, I think from when I was listening to the last conversation, I think I have gotten to a place where I'm a lot more aware of what I'm feeling at a certain time, whether it's a healthy feeling or not, meaning whether it's something that I feel like it's I'm in a good space or a bad space, or I am on the same meter.
00:19:40:23 - 00:20:05:09
Alex
And then also when it comes to sex or anything nice like it, it kind of blends together of like, okay, I can be more aware of what's happening in the moment. And it's led to to better sex, I think, and also times where I'm like, okay, I know what's going to happen here a little more and I'm a little more aware of what the ramifications are, or if I want to hook up with this guy right now, I don't want to hook up, then I'm more date.
00:20:05:11 - 00:20:08:19
Alex
They have it worked out, obviously. Just go.
00:20:08:21 - 00:20:14:07
Luna
Well, they're working. They're just working to filter that. That's not the one right?
00:20:14:09 - 00:20:34:03
Alex
Yeah. That's not not the one. But I think also today, like I think I've gotten to a place where I'm realizing that sex is complicated for me and it's just to the point where I'm like, I think I have to really just kind of like, take it out for a second, just let it kind of focus only on the emotional to try to make that connection with someone else.
00:20:34:06 - 00:20:48:08
Alex
It makes things a little foggy. Like I went out with a guy and I was like, we're not having sex in the first three day. It's just not happening. I'm going to really, like, try this out because it's not usually how it goes. And we went out on three dates and they were good, and we went back to his place.
00:20:48:10 - 00:21:03:15
Alex
And the first time the sex was a lot better. I think it was also we had a connection, but also just that we knew each other a little better. We had a little more of a comfort with each other. I knew it wasn't okay meant tomorrow we're not going to talk again. Or at least I hoped it wasn't.
00:21:03:15 - 00:21:21:11
Alex
And it wasn't talk the next day and we met again and we went on another date. And I think I've just come to a realization of, I kind of just need to leave that space for the emotional connection at the forefront. Okay. So right now I think it's been like a month and a half, two months. I haven't been on Grindr at meeting up with anybody.
00:21:21:11 - 00:21:40:20
Alex
I have just been with myself. And I realized that also, for me, it's just makes me feel so much better. Like when I met up with guys, a lot of the time could lead to shame. And even though one time had a huge effect on me of like, if it didn't go well, or if I don't know how to explain it, if it led to some sort of shame, it kind of had a huge emotional toll.
00:21:40:22 - 00:22:01:04
Alex
So not meeting up with anybody right now kind of give it, you know, a lot of space to myself and find the things I like about myself and work out a lot more and enjoy my body a lot more. Yeah. I'm not looking at myself in the eyes of someone else. I think when you're meeting up with people and having sex, sometimes you're you're looking at like, well, how did they see me?
00:22:01:04 - 00:22:21:00
Alex
Do they think I'm attractive? Do we not talk again because I'm not attractive? Whereas when I'm not meeting up with people and not having sex, I'm like, oh, this is just about me. I find myself very attractive. That's great. And still leaving that opening up, like, yes, I do want to find that person that finds me very attractive and I find them attractive in any situation.
00:22:21:00 - 00:22:27:22
Alex
And we can kind of, you know, go on a journey together and figure it out. Yeah, that's kind of where I am today.
00:22:28:00 - 00:22:34:19
Luna
I have some follow up questions, but first, can I make a visual observation about you for our listeners, since they won't be seeing you?
00:22:34:21 - 00:22:35:13
Alex
Yes.
00:22:35:15 - 00:22:56:18
Luna
Okay. Listeners, Alex, it is attractive by classic standards. There is like a jawline, which when I was in film school back in the day, I had a teacher that was like symmetry and jaw lines are what make a star, you know? And you have kind of this classic look, I see, I see a cute little beard and just just a nice smile, nice vibe.
00:22:56:18 - 00:23:18:03
Luna
So I would definitely would put you in the attractive category. Although I don't know if my opinion matters at all, because I don't know if I even understand visual physical attractiveness sometimes, so whatever that's worth. But I love you. I love to hear that you are feeling attractive, and I think for me to how I'm feeling in my body is really related to that.
00:23:18:05 - 00:23:44:02
Luna
I would love to hear okay, if like a series of questions. So I'm going to ask them and then we can figure out how to organize them. I ask you if needed. So I've been thinking a lot about well, gay man wise grinder in general casual sex culture. And then like trying to date with the intention of connected ongoing partnership and like the criteria for bringing sex into that.
00:23:44:02 - 00:24:11:11
Luna
And I as you were talking, I realized that I have had some stories of like, if only I were a gay man, because I've sort of been blaming my firmness on like, I'm scared of girls because there's the lesbian U-Haul stereotype and I don't know if I want something so fast. And I'm, you know, with guys, I do have experience after experience, especially if I reveal any of what I do like at any level, even if it's just photography, especially in Los Angeles.
00:24:11:11 - 00:24:29:15
Luna
They're like, oh, would you take some pictures of me? And I'm like, God damn it, another narcissist that just wants to get killed. You know, and and if I lead with sex, then it's like, oh, well, she likes it, you know? And then on the other side, when I've lately met a couple of people who I'm like, I really like them.
00:24:29:17 - 00:24:59:04
Luna
They're going so slow and giving me so much space that I'm like, do they even like me? Why don't they want to fuck me when I'm making it very clear I want to connect in this way. And so I would love to hear from you. Maybe like reflections on Grindr experience, whatever you're comfortable sharing. If you've already shared enough, that's totally fine and kind of like maybe criteria for emotional connection and like the unanswerable question of like, could we just have casual sex and then let that turn into something?
00:24:59:04 - 00:25:06:21
Luna
I know it happens for some people, but I wonder why it doesn't more often. I would love to hear your noodles on any of that. Whatever sparks.
00:25:06:23 - 00:25:20:00
Alex
Oh my God, it's so complicated. There's so much that I know. I feel like dating culture. I don't know if it's just nowadays and maybe 30, 40 years ago, or our parents generation, it was just a lot more shame around things.
00:25:20:00 - 00:25:22:05
Luna
So like and less availability.
00:25:22:07 - 00:25:45:01
Alex
Yeah. And things were in a box of just how things went. And I think also we were a lot more connected community wise. Yes. Just because there was an internet. So you found our communities, you were going out all the time and people. That's how you looked for love. And nowadays it kind of becomes more individualistic, where everybody's kind of looking on their own and not necessarily friends and not necessarily meeting someone.
00:25:45:03 - 00:26:03:18
Alex
It could just be, I'm just going to be on the apps, and that's how I'm going to find love. And there's so much complexity in that. I think when it comes to the hookup culture in general, it's very difficult. I find that also my girlfriends, when I talk to them about it, I'm kind of hearing almost the same things from them.
00:26:03:20 - 00:26:23:08
Alex
I think they sometimes have more boundaries up meaning okay, well, I'll sleep with this guy, but like, we're going to go on a date and we're going to meet each other. And like, I kind of already know from my first conversation with him that I don't want a relationship with him, but like, I need to, you know, kind of give that space so that, you know, I'm not a whore.
00:26:23:13 - 00:26:40:12
Alex
I mean, that's their thought process. I don't think I'm like, if you want to have sex, then go ask them if like, you know, you both want to, who cares? And I think that's more where men are. A lot of them. I won't speak for all men. Yeah, but like, yeah, we want to have sex, we'll just have sex, and that's fine.
00:26:40:14 - 00:27:07:15
Alex
I think it's complicated because I also think within the gay community, not everybody wants to say that the hookup culture, when it comes to just like one night, stands a meeting within ten minutes. There are things in that that are toxic. I think they can be good experiences. And like you said, I know people who that has led to a long term relationship and a lot of great stuff, but I think it's because they've been slowly built a relationship, found some sort of first connection.
00:27:07:17 - 00:27:23:16
Alex
And I think we kind of like, I like this in therapy. I think we kind of have this fantasy of like, yeah, yeah, I can totally just go into Grindr, find someone great, what kind of hookup? It's going to be amazing. We're then going to have a relationship, we're going to have children, and we're going to be together forever.
00:27:23:18 - 00:27:43:08
Alex
And so you don't mind doing that over and over again, thinking that's going to be what happens. Whereas the reality of it is most of the time it doesn't. And I think there are people who get a lot of work and then are able to separate that, like still go have hookups, enjoy them, and then also know that they're looking for something more.
00:27:43:08 - 00:27:47:19
Alex
And this is not necessarily where they're going to find it but they're open to it.
00:27:47:21 - 00:27:51:01
Luna
Low expectation. High possibility.
00:27:51:03 - 00:28:07:00
Alex
Yeah. And I think just the emotional capability of separating that I think that's what I've learned about myself right now I don't have that capability. It's kind of like mixes in. And then I have this fantasy world that I'm like this is what's going to happen. And then usually it doesn't work out or it comes with a lot of shame.
00:28:07:00 - 00:28:23:14
Alex
And then I'm like, is this what I should be doing? And I just think in general, like, we all have this fantasy of what a partner is and like what they're going to give me and what I'm going to give them, and then what's going to happen that the slightest inconvenience nowadays is enough to be like, well, I don't need this.
00:28:23:14 - 00:28:43:01
Alex
There are plenty of other people and the apps can show me 300 people. So why would I stay here? And it's like, he literally just told you he doesn't feel well. It's okay. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He doesn't feel well. That could be the truth. And I find that with a lot of my friends, they have a lot of expectations.
00:28:43:01 - 00:28:48:06
Alex
And then when they're not met in the slightest, it's like, well, this isn't working for me. Yeah.
00:28:48:08 - 00:29:10:11
Luna
I've been on the receiving end of that, too, where it's like I only discovered after creating some blunder, I didn't know I was doing that. There was an expectation. And I think sometimes people are also finding that out in real time. I'm curious also, where are you meeting people if not on Grindr? And do you feel comfy sharing your fantasy of like how nourishing partnership might fit into or show up in your life?
00:29:10:13 - 00:29:29:16
Alex
Yeah, I mean, I'm not a grinder. I'm on Tinder. That's not working out real well. Yeah, I'm not really meeting people. I mean, a friend just is like, oh, hey, there's this. My friend has a friend who's cute and like, is looking for a relationship. And I was like, great. I'm open to everything. Like, send me a pic, sent me a pic, and then I'm like, oh, are there more pictures?
00:29:29:16 - 00:29:46:22
Alex
Because you can really see what he look like. And she's like, oh, I'm waiting for him to send it. And I haven't heard from her. So I'm like, okay, okay, another one. Like, yeah. So I'm kind of just trying to figure out what community that can be a part of, kind of meet more people. I have a lot of friends, but not necessarily that have friends that are single.
00:29:46:22 - 00:30:13:18
Alex
So like, I think I'm kind of figuring it out when it comes to partnerships. I think it's just dangerous to think, you know what, what you need or what they're going to need. If it's two people who come with their own world and something I might have gotten from a past relationship I might not get from this relationship, I was just telling a friend who is saying how the guy, her boyfriend, now he they don't meet up as much as she would like.
00:30:13:19 - 00:30:20:13
Alex
And I was like, but maybe in his world, meeting up isn't necessarily what defines closeness to him.
00:30:20:18 - 00:30:21:00
Luna
Yeah.
00:30:21:02 - 00:30:39:13
Alex
Frequent meeting. Yeah, I would every day it's for this and maybe for him. The fact that he introduced you to his family, the fact that he, you know, makes an effort to call you, the fact that he even wants to meet up with you is enough for him to feel close to you. So you're two different people coming into this relationship.
00:30:39:13 - 00:30:48:05
Alex
I just have to figure out how the parts fit or don't fit. So I think for me that. But I'm looking for someone who's willing to even try to figure out where the parts fit.
00:30:48:07 - 00:31:06:10
Luna
Yeah, someone who's willing to have that conversation and with whom I have enough overlap where the words translate. Because I think the more that I talk to people, the more I'm like, oh, we're saying words. And I think I know what you mean, and you think, you know what I mean? And we're on completely different pages using these imperfect words.
00:31:06:10 - 00:31:13:12
Luna
I think that's been kind of like something that's been really resonant for me lately. It's like words alone and similar words alone are not always enough.
00:31:13:14 - 00:31:35:14
Alex
Yeah, but I think that that's that part of that person that wants to try is enough, I think. And I try to like when I have these conversations with my friends, I'm like, but that's enough to keep listening to you and trying to understand. You didn't understand, but maybe have that conversation again. Yeah. Try to figure out a different way to say it where you're still saying what you want to say, but then you might understand it better.
00:31:35:14 - 00:31:50:06
Alex
And the fact that that person is still there and still trying, I think that goes a long way. And I just think a lot of people are like, well, they didn't understand me. So we're done. Yeah, well, you're probably not going to get anywhere. Yeah. But okay. Yeah.
00:31:50:08 - 00:32:16:06
Luna
That's such a good point. You know, and this idea of the expectations that we bring into a relationship and maybe the expectations at varying levels of consciousness. Right. Like I don't always know what I'm unconsciously expecting until something reveals it to me. And I've been keenly aware of it as I have been open in my mind and my heart to having a partnership that would be consistent, delicious.
00:32:16:06 - 00:32:45:16
Luna
Someone I can explore with. Someone who is turned on by the fact that I want to explore with many people, that I want to cross off all these bucket list items and they're invited. But I also don't expect one person to to be all of that. It's been so funny because I have been introduced like I've been basically, people are like, why do I want to matchmake you and I have a couple cases where that's gone, like, amazingly, like my current crush is like actually one of my other lovers was like, you need to meet this person.
00:32:45:16 - 00:33:02:15
Luna
And I was like, okay. And that that in itself was like layers of turn on because, like, you know, me and this current lover are not in a romantic track, but like, we're not going to put our lives together, but like, his friend is like a very, you know, that's awesome. And I've also had the disaster version of that, right?
00:33:02:15 - 00:33:20:06
Luna
Where people are like, you have to meet so-and-so. And I was like, all right. And so that for me will get an instant yes to a date. If it's like a friend I trust who's a high powered like recommend. And there have been multiple times where that's been like fucking terrible. And so then I compare that to like the expectations from an app.
00:33:20:06 - 00:33:44:15
Luna
You know, the part that's hard for me is like you match. And so I'm like, oh, we match now. I guess we like each other. But it's like the whole thing, no matter where it comes from, is always an exploration. And so do you keep that in mind as you're meeting people or like what signals are you looking forward to go from that first date to a second date, and do you feel like you are leading the pacing, or do you feel like it really is a dance?
00:33:44:17 - 00:33:59:02
Alex
I feel like it's a horrible dance that nobody wants to do just because I'm very like, if I want something, I'm just going to say it like, I don't really care. I don't really care if you think that I am going too fast, going too slow, whatever it is like, if I want it, I want it.
00:33:59:05 - 00:34:00:00
Luna
Yeah, me too.
00:34:00:06 - 00:34:16:15
Alex
And so I feel like most of the time I'm the one that's kind of like putting a foot forward and being like, okay, hey, let's go out again. And I'll do that to a point where I'm just like, if I'm not feeling it back from you, even if I'm asking you 4 or 5 times to go out. But I am feeling the chemistry from you and I feel like you want to be there.
00:34:16:17 - 00:34:30:03
Alex
You're giving me that feeling back up, like wanting to hang out with me. I'll just keep asking, like, I don't mind doing that and I don't think it's a no. But now they need to ask. No, no, no, you need to wait. Don't talk to them for four hours. Then wait. Then just text them hey and see what they say.
00:34:30:04 - 00:34:41:06
Alex
Like I'm like, no, I want to just ask them out. I'll just ask them out again. And like, my friends think I'm crazy and they might be right. That hasn't worked yet, but, well. And just like it depends.
00:34:41:06 - 00:35:01:11
Luna
On the person. Yeah, yeah. And that's what I keep telling myself on. Like when it's the right person, things will align. And then I have this other voice. Some days that's like, but maybe your pacing is so far off, you're the one destroying connection, you know, and or destroying the opportunity to connect. And, you know, I, I don't think there's any one right answer, but that's why I like to noodle about this together.
00:35:01:11 - 00:35:21:07
Luna
Because not everyone I talked to is even thinking about this stuff. Not that we have to. You know, I hear a lot of feedback that I'm overthinking, but I'm like, well, I connect through information. I need structures. And I think in my perfect world, I could just like, fuck someone and then also have them treat me nice and grow a relationship.
00:35:21:07 - 00:35:24:13
Luna
You know, maybe that's a fantasy. That's a wild fantasy. We'll see.
00:35:24:15 - 00:35:57:22
Alex
I think everybody's thinking a lot. I think not everybody voices it. And like, I have a lot of friends who will talk about anxieties around the relationship. Like, I want to tell this person that I'm not ready for them to meet my family. And sometimes I'll be like, okay, well, why don't you tell them like, yeah, like if I tell him, he might get hurt, they might not like what I'm saying, and then this might end and I'm like, wait a second, you don't want to be with someone that if you tell them something or how you're feeling, it stops the relationship.
00:35:57:22 - 00:36:12:05
Alex
So yes, you should just say what you need to say. It's hard. You're being very vulnerable, like you're showing your vulnerability of saying like, this is how I feel. But in the end of the day, you want that person that when you say how you feel, they may not agree with you, but they're going to listen and they're going to be like, okay, I hear what you're saying.
00:36:12:05 - 00:36:29:05
Alex
I don't necessarily agree or I do agree, and then have a conversation about it. And I think that's a lot of what I'm looking for, just someone who's open to having those conversations. I can feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and what's going on in my head. Yeah. And then being able to just be like, okay, let's talk about it.
00:36:29:08 - 00:36:45:20
Alex
And the same thing for me to be able to be like, okay, I'm interested enough in you and I care about you. I think you can say anything and we can just have that conversation. I think that's like what a relationship is. It also doesn't put any expectations on it. There's no expectation. It's just listening and communicating.
00:36:45:20 - 00:36:49:10
Alex
And I don't think a lot to ask for, but.
00:36:49:12 - 00:37:26:12
Luna
Well, it isn't it isn't. Right. Like on some levels it is the most basic part of a relationship to just be like, hey, I'd like to be able to be myself. And if you are going to be one of the closest people in my inner circle, I would hope that you will like myself. You know, like me as I am and for me, it's really only in the last couple months that I have realized there have been opportunities in my life that I have been taking that are kind of painful to create boundaries of like, hey, actually, if you're in my inner circle, it's okay if I like scare you sometimes, and I always need
00:37:26:12 - 00:37:53:17
Luna
to be treated with kindness and respect. For so long I have been so used to accidentally triggering people without warning that I've been like, oh yeah, it's me. I'm bad. I'm oh, okay. You don't have been like squiggling myself up to try to maintain relationships were finally recently with one dear friend. I was like, you know, it feels really, really bad that one of my best friends I trigger so regularly and I don't know when they're going to disappear, and I don't know when they're going to come back.
00:37:53:17 - 00:38:12:00
Luna
And I, as my own best friend, want something different for myself. And it doesn't mean our relationship has to end. But I think this is painful for you too. And I think it's hard for both of us. And I wonder if we might just move to an outer circle. And it's like it took me so fucking long to sort of like, realize that that is okay.
00:38:12:00 - 00:38:37:00
Luna
And it is, for me, painful in those in those moments where I'm looking for that deeper connection, you know, romantically or friendship wise. For me, there is a lot of overlap. And that's why I also really like clear containers, like work where I love. And this is what dating is missing for me, right? I love having like an activity to do together, where we get to see how we collaborate and communicate and there's absolutely no pressure.
00:38:37:06 - 00:39:02:05
Luna
I understand that in the world we live in right now, that is considered rapey and in many ways, shape or form, you know, to like hit on people at work or whatever. As an artist, I get a lot more leeway, but there's just something that that kind of sparked when you said that. Do you have any like foundational pieces that you like really would need to feel nourished from a partner, like whether it's emotional or physical or just even like how you want to live your life together.
00:39:02:05 - 00:39:06:21
Luna
I know that it's like an imperfect question, but I'm just curious, what's baking in your head?
00:39:06:21 - 00:39:14:04
Alex
Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of it is just acceptance. My mom said it best, like, I always love you. I don't always have to like you.
00:39:14:06 - 00:39:15:18
Luna
Your mom said that to you?
00:39:15:20 - 00:39:32:11
Alex
Yeah. I have to say that I think it's one of the biggest things that kind of always kept me together. Because that knowledge of, like, I'm allowed to not like you right now. You are my child. But I don't like what you're doing. I don't like what you're saying. I don't like what's happening. But no matter what, I'm going to love like that.
00:39:32:11 - 00:39:48:00
Alex
That's like that unconditional love of like. No, I don't have to say like, I love you no matter what. And I'm always going to love you and like you, and you're going to be the best thing that's ever happened to this world. It's more realistic to me of like, no, I'm always going to love and care for you, but I don't have to like what I'm doing.
00:39:48:00 - 00:40:05:11
Alex
I don't have to agree with it, and that's okay. And we can still have the relationship because of the conversation. And it kind of takes pressure off of you, of not always having to be like, I think that's part of what made me who I am today. I'm like, if you love me, you're going to accept no matter what, we're going to have problems.
00:40:05:11 - 00:40:19:02
Alex
I'm going to say things that you don't like. I'm going to do things you don't like, but just like you're my friend and I love you, we'll talk about it and we'll get through it or we won't get through it. But I know that that person, if they really do like who I am, we're going to get through.
00:40:19:04 - 00:40:37:22
Alex
And I think that's kind of what I'm looking for in a relationship of being in that place where you feel enough security of like, oh, this person loves me. They're going to be there. And anything that comes along we can kind of get through, at least most things. I think there's extremes there. It's just things people can't get through and people break up and things don't work out.
00:40:37:22 - 00:40:51:03
Alex
And I don't think I'm delusional in that aspect. But finding that relationship where it's like we both want to weather the storm and we want to find that by itself, like loving each other enough that we don't always have to like each other. And that's okay.
00:40:51:05 - 00:41:11:11
Luna
That is such a beautiful point to make. And I've been thinking a lot of relationships in terms of growth, partnership, you know, and sometimes I have a growth partner that may only be a few weeks in my life or a few months in my life. And if they are the type of growth partner that's going to be years in my life, it's just a different type.
00:41:11:11 - 00:41:33:15
Luna
And texture of communication, that level of understanding to kind of like you said, weather those storms and grow together, where sometimes we just have the friction of growing and they're like, okay, we're done with that sexual growth. Is there anything else to say specifically about your updates in the past couple years, whether it's specific hot stories, things that you've loved or do you want to tell us about your hopes for the future?
00:41:33:17 - 00:41:52:22
Alex
Yeah, I mean, I have one story that was it was just a really good experience. And I think, like all the work I've done, it led up to like just having a very good sex experience. A guy I met on Twitter, like we were talking and then he was close by. It's like, why don't to come over? So over and we sat and just had a really good connection, a really good conversation.
00:41:53:00 - 00:42:13:07
Alex
And then the sex was amazing. I mean, we met up twice. The first time I was active and he was passive and it was a lot of fun. And I was listening to the podcast for about four, and I was like, yeah, we talked about bad sex. And I was just like, yeah, I don't think anal is for me until I'm in a relationship or whatever.
00:42:13:07 - 00:42:28:09
Alex
And now I'm a lot more open to it and I'm like, no, no, I like it. It just has to be the right person. Yeah. So the first time we met up, I was active completely, and then the second time I was like, okay, I kind of want to, like, I came ready and I was like, I want to try this.
00:42:28:09 - 00:42:44:10
Alex
Like, I think this will be fun. And it was just some sort of connection there. And I sweat a lot during sex. And he like, had this thing where he was just like, I love fluid like any fluid. Oh, and I was like, I don't have a problem with fluids. Just don't spit in my mouth and we'll be good.
00:42:44:13 - 00:43:01:12
Alex
I can spit in yours. But I'm just like, yeah, like, I don't think that's fitting. I don't know, it just never worked for me. It was also hot and fact that it was like when you're sweating and something maybe someone wouldn't like, like, oh, you're sweating so much. And this person was like, no, I love it. I keep sweating and I'm like, okay.
00:43:01:14 - 00:43:21:17
Alex
And then first of all, it's dick was huge. It's, you know, it's like, I don't know if this is going to work because I don't do this so much. Yeah. And so it's real narrow. Yeah. And it was just amazing because you know, you're getting into it. And then he was like, okay, let's we'll try it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
00:43:21:19 - 00:43:43:17
Alex
And he was really calm about it. And we started and he penetrated it and went in. And then he could see that I was nervous and he was like, stop, stop for a second. You just like put his hand on my chest. I was like, just breathe with me. And it was one of the most amazing experiences I've had in aspects of just like it's connection.
00:43:43:17 - 00:43:53:10
Alex
And like he saw me, he saw that I was like, anxious and Harvey anxiety kind of going away, and it just slipped right in and amazing sex.
00:43:53:12 - 00:44:06:02
Luna
Damn, that is so beautiful. Did you have anal warm up or was it was the cock the warm up? Like, were you just working in with that and do our poppers a thing over there? I'm learning more about poppers and I'm like.
00:44:06:02 - 00:44:13:04
Alex
Oh, here's our thing, I do not party, I don't know. For me, it was just like, in general, I don't like anything that in. Yeah, it's.
00:44:13:06 - 00:44:14:01
Luna
Same. Yeah.
00:44:14:01 - 00:44:16:06
Alex
I just feel like I'm good with me. Yeah.
00:44:16:06 - 00:44:20:12
Luna
Same thing. I'm like, give me the endorphins. That's my high.
00:44:20:13 - 00:44:41:04
Alex
The funny thing is that we talked about it last time of like, the lack of sexual education. I think even once I kind of understood and started learning about, do you like what you have to do and how to make yourself real clean? I hooked up with a different guy, and it was like the third time we hooked up and we started talking for a while and we had sex like three times.
00:44:41:04 - 00:45:00:05
Alex
And in between times we started talking about like juicing and cleaning and all of the stuff. And then he pulls out this like ring and I'm like, what is that? It's like, no, you put it in before to prep yourself and also in order to clean it expands the rectum and then opens up the canal so that you don't have to put anything inside.
00:45:00:05 - 00:45:09:17
Alex
You can just clean it from the outside. Okay. What? What do I not know that this exists? Like I'm not. What? Seriously.
00:45:09:19 - 00:45:20:14
Luna
Dude, that's how I feel every single day. I'm like, could someone just give me all the sex toys? And then I'll categorize them and go through them and make tutorial documentary. Okay. But like, wow, now I'm like, I want one. Okay.
00:45:20:18 - 00:45:39:11
Alex
Well, I was also like, I want one. Wait a second, totally changed my whole world because like, if I'm just going to clean the scene so much quicker, so much easier, like and also in me and expand. So it makes you a little more ready and a little more like, you know, into it, like, I have to try that one time to get that sex toy.
00:45:39:12 - 00:45:51:16
Alex
So yeah. But then specifically, like, I didn't do any prep, I did a cleaning, but he was very slow and like very like at my pace then. And so it was really nice and beautiful.
00:45:51:18 - 00:46:00:10
Luna
Okay. I know we kind of touched on this throughout the episode, but sexually speaking, what are your hopes going forward?
00:46:00:12 - 00:46:22:11
Alex
Yeah, I mean, I do want to get a vibrator dildo at some point that never tried it. And I'm like, okay, next birthday when my friends ask me what I want to be like and get me that. And I do really think, like I just want to try a journey with a partner who's an emotional and romantic partner and sexual partner that just kind of like someone who's consistent.
00:46:22:13 - 00:46:40:19
Alex
We're getting to know each other sexually and emotionally and and all of it. Just because I've never had that experience, I feel like it would be an interesting experience. Yeah, I think I'm also trying to work on it, kind of just like anyone you need isn't going to have everything. Like, what am I willing to give up on, like dick size?
00:46:40:19 - 00:46:58:07
Alex
Am I willing and negotiate their mind, their personality, and my little more willing to negotiate? They're like, I don't know. And I feel like just when I get to meet people, get to know them, you can appeal to both girls and that guy that I went out with a couple times and like, we went out for a while.
00:46:58:07 - 00:47:04:11
Alex
He didn't have the biggest dick and I was good with it. And I was like, okay, like, I'm okay. Nothing happened.
00:47:04:13 - 00:47:21:00
Luna
Yeah, yeah, pleasure comes in all sizes and I really relate to that. I find myself morphing depending on who I'm meeting and what they're sparking inside me. Everyone is my muse. It's just like, are they going to get close to me enough to inspire me in a big way? Or is it going to be just like a little flash, you know?
00:47:21:02 - 00:47:42:02
Luna
Okay, one more question. This is not your job, but I am looking for noodle friends. We might have to rename sex stories because just the amount of like the difficulty that we're running into with sharing sex stories like literally just the word having the word sex in it. I know there are other podcasts that are successful, but we are, I don't know, we've been getting squished, especially in the Spotify algorithm lately.
00:47:42:02 - 00:47:58:05
Luna
So what do you think is the essence of this podcast that we might capture? This is just noodle. You don't have to come up with a name, but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. I'm thinking connection. I'm thinking about humans. I'm thinking about love. I'm thinking about making love. I'm thinking about play from the little you know what sparks for you?
00:47:58:06 - 00:48:16:08
Alex
I mean, I think the word that comes to mind is like a certain ability. It's also the fact that you give people a platform that they can decide if they want to be anonymous, not anonymous, if they want to be on camera or not on camera. I don't know. I think the fact that sex is in the title kind of gives you that freedom of like, oh, we can talk about anything here.
00:48:16:08 - 00:48:16:23
Alex
Yeah.
00:48:17:01 - 00:48:18:00
Luna
Oh.
00:48:18:02 - 00:48:22:10
Alex
Terribly like to say, talk about anything. It's an open space.
00:48:22:12 - 00:48:30:22
Luna
Oh the open. The word open reminds me of the butt plug toy. Like the ooh, ooh. And I do like circles.
00:48:31:00 - 00:49:06:07
Alex
How open is that going to be? Okay. How wide can you get a. Yeah. And I think also that it's like that wide range of topics. I just find it so interesting that a lot of people, when you get, conversations about sex. And I find this with a lot of my friends, it never stops at sex. No, I don't think I've ever been in a conversation where someone's talked about sex, even with a sexual partner, where it might be just a one night stand and you start talking about that, it always somehow leads to another subject, whether it's relationships, whether it's family, whether it's communication.
00:49:06:09 - 00:49:21:18
Alex
Yeah. It just never stops at sex. And I just find it so interesting that we all think about it so much and want to have sex so much. Yet when we talk about it, we're like, oh yeah, but it's connected to this and that and that and this and that, and you just find all these connections.
00:49:21:20 - 00:49:36:03
Luna
Well, that's such a good point. And that's why I personally feel I know the sex ed I had felt far, far short because I took it in a summer school class from a Christian long distance study program. But, you know, it's like I have.
00:49:36:05 - 00:49:38:00
Alex
A lot to unpack there, a lot.
00:49:38:00 - 00:49:57:16
Luna
To unpack that also because of my like, pattern of like wanting to have all the classes. So then I try to get lots of stuff out of the way in summer school. But I continue to realize that when I am talking to people about sex, mostly what we're really trying to talk about is context in which the physical act feels the most gratifying, satisfying, and uplifting of our whole lives.
00:49:57:18 - 00:50:18:08
Luna
And so that's why now I'm like, fuck. I also want to ask people, you know, and all of these questions are on why e-commerce share? Because I have the sex stories questions. I have the professional sex stories questions. And now I have relationship, dating, marriage, divorce, love, secrecy, friendship and creativity question lists. And I'm like, I want to ask everybody everything.
00:50:18:08 - 00:50:39:09
Luna
And then I'm also just like, maybe stop asking questions. You know, like I had a friend recently be like, it's impossible to be too curious and just like rings in my head because I'm like, well, two is a judgment here, but what is the goal here? You know, is my goal actual connection? And also I love connecting through hearing what other people are noodling on at a given moment.
00:50:39:09 - 00:50:59:16
Luna
So, I think that's an astute and accurate observation of it's like sex is never just sex. And how do we educate ourselves and each other and make a world we're taking care of each other is the norm, because I think that's, for me, what's missing in most of the dating culture right now, it's sort of this, like you said early, you know, this individualistic like, well, I got to look out for myself.
00:50:59:16 - 00:51:08:17
Luna
Well, maybe you're not good enough, so I have to go, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, okay, but how do we do, like mutually caring growth partnerships?
00:51:08:18 - 00:51:34:16
Alex
I think it's just interesting because I feel like also within like the social work world a lot for years really been focusing on the individual. And I think now especially within social work, it's really looking at the community and ways to build communities. Something that has in the last 20 years kind of started to disappear, where less and less people are part of communities, whether they're natural communities or once they leave the home, it's like, okay, now I have to find communities.
00:51:34:18 - 00:52:03:19
Alex
And they also find that a lot of people, if you go through some sort of traumatic event or whatever it is, communities usually get through it a lot better than individuals. Just because you already have a space to share and people you lean on. And I think also within dating, kind of like you said, I've gone to this individualistic place and I've seen, you know, the whole and how this is going to work and how this is going to affect the rest of my circle.
00:52:03:21 - 00:52:10:12
Alex
Yeah. And the way I treat people, how it's going to affect them and their circles and just end up seeing the bigger picture. Yeah.
00:52:10:14 - 00:52:22:20
Luna
It's so interesting too, because it's you literally can't have a social anything with one single person like like social stuff is, is the dynamic. It's the connections, the relationship or lack thereof.
00:52:22:22 - 00:52:23:14
Alex
Yeah.
00:52:23:16 - 00:52:37:04
Luna
Damn, Alex, thank you so much for coming back and sharing your updated sex stories. I hope you do it again in the future, and I can't wait to hear what it's like when you do find some some more delicious, satisfying partnerships however they look.
00:52:37:06 - 00:52:38:19
Alex
Thank you, I really enjoy.
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