Entangled with Fuckboys: Rebecca’s Update
- Luna Robbie
- Sep 3, 2024
- 40 min read
39 pansexual cis female, erotic writer, business owner, into: threesomes, toys, taboo
🔗 REBECCA LINKS | @reannelinsen_sexcapades
00:00:00:02 - 00:00:24:13
Luna
And our guest today is a 39 year old single, pansexual writer and business owner who is into threesomes, toys, taboo encounters. And since our first conversation, has finished her erotic novel Sexcapades and recently became lovers with someone she has been heavily attracted to but resisting for a whole decade. Originally a guest on episode 110, a wildly curious bisexual from March 2021.
00:00:24:15 - 00:00:27:05
Luna
Welcome back Rebecca.
00:00:27:07 - 00:00:29:11
Rebecca
Hello. So happy to be here.
00:00:29:15 - 00:00:46:02
Luna
I am so happy to talk to you again. Can you please start off by telling our sweet listeners, what's your shame Ometer like right now? Has it squiggle any since we talked last? Like, where are you landing today of ten is the most full of shame. And zero is like, I don't have any. I believe you were at the bottom before.
00:00:46:04 - 00:01:08:19
Rebecca
Yes, I would say in general I do not have shame. However, my stories I will be sharing today, one in particular I am at the top of. Well, I'm in at eight. I am a meter. Okay, only because as much as I enjoy the taboo, I'm not quite ready to be out in the world with my taboo ness.
00:01:09:00 - 00:01:09:18
Rebecca
I totally get it.
00:01:09:23 - 00:01:27:17
Luna
I totally get it. Yeah, it's so interesting because I'm like, no, no, I'm good with myself in this container. And also, I know what the rest of the world and cultural stigma is like. And so I am seeking safety for myself because safety is sexy. Okay. Well, do you want to start off by telling us about Sex Capades?
00:01:27:17 - 00:01:30:20
Luna
How was it to write, like, tell us what it was, acting it out.
00:01:30:20 - 00:01:45:18
Rebecca
Now it is, it is. And I it is my life in paper format. It is my heart. It is my soul. It is my sexuality. It is my exploration. It is my everything. Well, should I say it's Ryan Linton's everything?
00:01:45:18 - 00:01:47:12
Luna
Yeah, yeah, read Linton's everything.
00:01:47:16 - 00:02:13:01
Rebecca
Yes. That is that is my, my pen name, my pseudonym. Being that I also write non erotic books using my given legal name, I did not want someone to be looking for, you know, a children's book and stumble across sex capades and also, get consideration the first. Yes. This is the first of a series of books.
00:02:13:01 - 00:02:44:22
Rebecca
So I knew likely and I was right, that I would eventually be delving into that taboo territory that I would in no way want to be identified, as the person who made it up. So. But yeah, Sex Capades is truly the last 20 years of Rachel's life. Rachel is our main character, Rachel Bois, and she is me fictionalized.
00:02:45:00 - 00:03:16:22
Rebecca
I started writing this in college, and it had a completely different opening. It was much more made up. I worked on it for years. Eventually it became, you know, I call it fictionalized nonfiction. It was just kind of a when I first started this book, I was imagining where I would be kind of at the age I'm at now, and instead I replaced it with where I actually am at the age I am now, and which was so much different than I could have ever imagined.
00:03:16:22 - 00:03:46:20
Rebecca
And better than fiction, in my opinion. So you can't you can't make this stuff up. So, when, when going through, you know, my first decision was to, change it from first person. Originally it was first person. I decided to change it to third. And kind of speak from a omniscient narration type of view. One of my favorite things that came to me, you know, after I, I finished it, finalized it, it was edited.
00:03:46:20 - 00:04:15:21
Rebecca
And then I thought, it needs something. I need something in between chapters. And so I went and dug out my journals from that time period and matched journal entries and word vomit, if you will, from when those things were actually happening to Rachel and intertwine my literal thoughts I was having in the moment. And that really tied in the written prose poetry aspect.
00:04:16:02 - 00:04:44:18
Rebecca
That is who I am. That's how I've always dealt with things. And so just writing the story was one thing. But to bring in real life experiences, being able to capture what was actually happening in those moments and that emotion in those moments put my soul into it in the way that I was not going to be satisfied with it until I felt like my soul was truly in there.
00:04:44:20 - 00:05:24:18
Rebecca
And so it's racy. It's spicy. It is very explicit. I do not sugarcoat, you know, it is not. She gently caressed his love memory or. No, she she she grabbed his dick like, come on, let's, you know, I, I write like I would talk in a lot of ways. And for those listeners that may have heard that my first episode, which was largely discussing Bookstore Boy, he is the antagonist, paramour, costar, whatever you want to call it, he is, he is Mark Saint James, and the book is Sex Cupid.
00:05:24:20 - 00:05:56:06
Rebecca
Mark Saint James okay. And, the next book will be, Nick O'Brien, who was my lesbian partner for five years and the third book is, Devin O'Neill, who was who was my late husband. So, I have those outlined. So although there are many characters in each, in each book, in each iteration, there's always a focal kind of like the person that turned the page, so to speak.
00:05:56:09 - 00:05:57:18
Rebecca
00:05:57:20 - 00:06:02:09
Luna
In the chapter of your life in that period becomes the narrative, the book. I mean, that's.
00:06:02:11 - 00:06:02:21
Rebecca
Yes.
00:06:02:23 - 00:06:04:10
Luna
That's so strongly. Wow.
00:06:04:10 - 00:06:31:07
Rebecca
And so in dealing with the trauma that is Bookstore Boy is truly how I was able to close the book, literally and figuratively. I had to rewrite the ending because life changed. Things changed, and I needed the book to be true to my experience. So that was kind of how I process the grief of that situation as it continued to unravel.
00:06:31:09 - 00:06:33:04
Rebecca
And he has read it.
00:06:33:06 - 00:06:39:19
Luna
Oh, what was that like for you? And how did you ask him, or did he know the whole time? Like what? Whoa. That's cool.
00:06:39:20 - 00:07:03:09
Rebecca
That's the thing. Every every story is of mine is just so complicated and detailed. Long story short, I'm not. I can't remember where in the saga of Mark Saint James bookstore boy we left off. But it did not end well. It ended very painfully. And for those that may not be familiar with the story, you know it.
00:07:03:14 - 00:07:34:11
Rebecca
I he was my married love of my life that came back begging for mercy. But still married. And chaos ensued. And, so I had moved away and he was driving 3.5 hours to come see me. It got way too immersed and complicated. So, he ended it, which at the time was absolutely devastating to me. But I am so grateful and thankful that he did.
00:07:34:13 - 00:07:53:00
Rebecca
And then in writing the book or finishing the book, I was able to process that. That was absolutely the right decision. Probably the only good thing, one of the very few good things he's done for my life. But the stars aligned. We ended up, I moved back to my hometown, and as hometowns tend to do, we cross paths.
00:07:53:00 - 00:08:22:12
Rebecca
And, I had we had a three years later kind of coming of hearts and, and establishing that, you know, it it's got we can't go back. We have to be respectful to each other's lives. And we've just we're not the same people. I know. I'm not the same person. I was but yes, he told me that he did read the book and that he loved it.
00:08:22:14 - 00:08:45:20
Rebecca
And that there was really nothing in it that surprised him. So I guess it's still fresh in his mind, or he just. I don't I don't really know. We didn't really harp on any of those topics, but he did give me full permission to, to to write it. He encouraged me, if anything, before it, you know, came to an end.
00:08:45:20 - 00:09:04:01
Rebecca
I let him know, like, I'm going to do this. You know, I've been telling him for 15 years when I'm going to write a book about you someday. But I actually did, which he loved. So, yeah, he he was fully supportive, and I did not expect him to necessarily buy a copy and read it, but that was satisfying.
00:09:04:01 - 00:09:24:13
Rebecca
You know, the dedication is to him, to the real Mark Saint James, you know, who you are is the first eight. So I got my final little, in there. So it is what it is. So yeah, that's we coexist in the same town and it is what it is. Life goes on. Okay.
00:09:24:15 - 00:09:50:21
Luna
I would love to hear a little bit about what the writing process was like for you, especially when you're in this phase of revisiting this thing that was so hot and has changed so much and sounds like there's a lot of human texture of all varieties in there. So, shall we say, like, were there still parts where you were like writing and getting turned on, or was it more like from a removed place, like what was the actual experience of putting words on paper and editing, like, for you?
00:09:50:23 - 00:10:14:02
Rebecca
Yeah, it's it's definitely in stages. Even to this day, I, you know, I've always written down my notable sexual experiences, and journaled them since I started having them. And I remember I had a journal as a child, not a child. As a teenager. I should say not child. I, I had symbols for, like, what we did and like to do.
00:10:14:04 - 00:10:42:20
Rebecca
I had a symbol for, like, blowjobs, the symbol for, like, to be kiss or tongue and like, I had, like, all these. And I kept that journal. Well, in my 20s, so in initially writing the scenes, the past scenes was more objective, you know, the ones that were not as emotionally involved because there are some just true sex capades in there, right?
00:10:42:22 - 00:11:12:09
Rebecca
The sex Capades that were emotionally charged, were were hard to revisit. I think in the moment of writing them, it was not a sexual experience. However, once I got it out, and literally wrote it down, but I also purged it from my body. I was able to read it objectively, and then I'm like, wow, this is this is good.
00:11:12:11 - 00:11:45:03
Rebecca
So I do, you know, once I finalized it and, and I'm able to view it objectively and appreciate it for what it is, even though, like you said, there is definitely human texture in, in all facets of the book. It's not just smut. I mean, it's in there, but it is, you know, even with the smut east of smut, we're still dealing with people and human emotions and the effects of choices, sexual or not.
00:11:45:03 - 00:12:11:19
Rebecca
So, yeah, it was it was definitely a process. And I'm happy that at the end of it, I can hold the book and just be proud and not be so emotionally attached that I'm, you know, in the beginning, it felt like I was literally having my journal, my diary published for the world to read. And I'm like, hey, my journal is out there for the world to read.
00:12:11:19 - 00:12:30:09
Rebecca
So like they I then the anonymity of not having my actual name, even though someone really wanted to dig, they could figure it out. But the the average person is not gonna really care. They just get to appreciate the salaciousness, but also the humanity that I made sure to weave throughout the stories as well.
00:12:30:11 - 00:12:51:00
Luna
I love that, I mean, you know, my favorite thing is adding emotional context, sexual situations, and it really has taken me five and a half years of doing this podcast to and hearing so many people be like, yeah, I found you looking for naughty stories. And finally I'm like, oh, like, they wanted erotic stories. I never conceived of sex stories.
00:12:51:00 - 00:13:19:19
Luna
I was like, particularly erotic. And now I've had enough people be like, yeah, I dropped off to so much or this, you know, I'm like, oh, well, first of all, if you've orgasm to me because of this podcast, please pay me for that energy. Like, hey, put that in balance, please. And you don't need to tell me that unless you're paying me, you know, and and it's just taken me so long to realize that what for me, has really been like an emotional processing and figuring out, like, does turn people on in this way that I didn't imagine.
00:13:19:21 - 00:13:35:18
Luna
And I love that you're bringing that to erotic content, because I think the erotic is such a part of our human lives. And I think I'm in this really special bubble where people share cool stuff with me on this, on this real, real level. Do you feel like it was easier for you.
00:13:35:18 - 00:13:37:01
Rebecca
To.
00:13:37:03 - 00:13:42:07
Luna
Shape the story as a writer? Switching into third person?
00:13:42:09 - 00:14:09:09
Rebecca
Yes. Okay. Right. I think that had a lot to do with me being able to objectify, the content and, and not, you know, because obviously the stories were written in first person initially because I'm writing my experience, in becoming almost kind of separating. I mean, Rachel was always the literary version of me, but I made her Rachel, and I made me the writer.
00:14:09:09 - 00:14:42:07
Rebecca
And even though I was pulling from real life experiences to make her life experience, I was creating it as opposed to feeling like it was happening to me. So that definitely helped the process and made it easier to get those things out. Even the hard things. I mean, there's there's heartbreak in this. There's soul crushing emotional pain. But there's also, you know, mind blowing orgasms and sexual experimentation and, eroticism in its purest form.
00:14:42:07 - 00:14:56:09
Rebecca
So, yeah, I think creating Rachel and being her voice without it being mine was definitely an important, pivotal point in writing it. Yeah, I.
00:14:56:09 - 00:15:16:05
Luna
Would love to hear what your own sex life has been like in the background as this all has been unfolding. And maybe also, could you update us on like last time that we were getting consistent updates, you were seeing this couple like what? What ended up happening? What where have we evolved? What has your sex life been like since we've caught up.
00:15:16:07 - 00:15:22:21
Rebecca
For the last year, I have gone into a self-induced celibacy. I just passed the year mark.
00:15:23:00 - 00:15:26:06
Luna
Congrats. Just our relationship this year.
00:15:26:12 - 00:15:37:13
Rebecca
I mean, it, it's been a choice. So, and it kind of culminated in scratching an itch, so to speak, which we will definitely get into. Oh,
00:15:37:15 - 00:15:41:06
Luna
Wait, celibacy still you can masturbate or.
00:15:41:06 - 00:15:44:20
Rebecca
Yes. Yes. Okay, okay. Partnered. Partnered. Set up.
00:15:44:20 - 00:15:46:23
Luna
Got to break from the pool. Okay.
00:15:47:00 - 00:16:12:07
Rebecca
Yes. I needed to. I need to detox. You know, these are a break for my mental well-being. Yes. The couple, ended up breaking up, and her and I. I was still living three hours away at the time, so we kind of tried a long distance, but it just got too hard. And. And Bookstore Boy definitely played a part in that.
00:16:12:07 - 00:16:31:20
Rebecca
He was very much present in that situation so far, to the point where her and I got a hotel to meet in the middle. Not necessarily even for like a sexual meeting. We just went to hang out and he showed up there. So then. Yeah.
00:16:32:00 - 00:16:32:11
Luna
Okay.
00:16:32:11 - 00:17:01:23
Rebecca
Yeah. So, she left and he entered, said hotel room, and it was definitely difficult for me to tell her that there was a lot of animosity because she was aware of that situation. You know, that was kind of concurrently happening. And then she was in a similar situation with the the male in their partner thing. And so we were both we were both entangled with fuck Boys for like a minute.
00:17:02:00 - 00:17:23:20
Rebecca
We and and we knew it and we both acknowledged that. But then I was just wanted to shake her like, why are you letting a fuck boy control your life? And then she felt the same way about me. But we both couldn't see. We both couldn't stop. And so I would say our toxic attachments were of the downfall.
00:17:23:20 - 00:17:47:09
Rebecca
We were still friends. I actually went to, see a play with her and, afterwards we went out, to like, some nightlife and, and ran into the guy that she was seeing and the potential certainly could have been. I mean, I could have turned that into a, yeah, a threesome situation, but I.
00:17:47:11 - 00:17:50:22
Luna
I actually you can doesn't mean you need to.
00:17:51:00 - 00:18:24:15
Rebecca
Exactly. And I think that was probably one of the first times I've ever made that positive choice for myself. Okay. And had that thought, oh, I can, but that doesn't mean I need to. If that's not going to serve me in the long term. And so I got a new burn window. So, and that was really a turning point, for me, in that whole situation, because, it kind of it wasn't serving me in a way that was positive.
00:18:24:20 - 00:18:38:14
Rebecca
But we keep in touch loosely and and we're friends and we'll go to the theater every now and then. We've just removed the sexual aspect from it, and that's just what works.
00:18:38:16 - 00:18:49:01
Luna
Okay, so, do you feel ready to fill in the gaps between celibacy, how we got there, and, you know, talking a little bit about taboo.
00:18:49:03 - 00:19:17:16
Rebecca
Yes. So to really expose myself and my life in order to do that, but it is just too good of a, it's too good of a story, you know, to share. So we have to rewind to 2010, when I was fresh out of a relationship with my ex-girlfriend. So that was the ending of college. That was my first same sex serious relationship.
00:19:17:16 - 00:19:37:01
Rebecca
We lived together, we had a house and that ended. So I am fresh off four years of monogamous, same sex partnered relationships. So I'm on the prowl for, you know, some eggplants. You know what I mean?
00:19:37:03 - 00:19:40:17
Luna
I do, but for a second my brain was like, oh, I thought you were going to say.
00:19:40:19 - 00:19:59:16
Rebecca
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I and you know, news travels fast. I was in my mid 20s at that point. So it's funny how once news of a breakup spreads, the, the social networks, the, the, the men come out of the woodwork, Oh. You're available.
00:19:59:16 - 00:20:01:18
Luna
Oh, do you need some comfort? Okay.
00:20:01:20 - 00:20:39:11
Rebecca
I'm here. Yeah, I heard you need some comfort. Indeed. So. Yeah. And and and I took full advantage of of those woodworking and, one was, who would become my husband down the road, and another one was actually, oddly enough, well, it was a booty call I'd had from 15 to 25, probably. He ended up, going to prison for a couple of years.
00:20:39:13 - 00:21:03:06
Rebecca
Yes. And and we wrote letters back and forth the whole time he was in prison, and, and he cleaned up after that. But, you know, a boyfriend is a prison boyfriend when you get down to it. So, but yes, he he came out of the woodwork and another guy came out of the woodwork that I loosely, casually dated, you know, in college years.
00:21:03:08 - 00:21:27:06
Rebecca
And so I kind of started seeing both of them. We're going to, we're going to go with, Devin because that is his name in the upcoming book. So Devin, I ended up marrying Devin, but I obviously did not think I was going to happen at the time. And, he, him and I had a, a growing emotional connection that we were both denying by still sleeping with other people.
00:21:27:06 - 00:21:48:13
Rebecca
We we both just gotten out of really serious relationships and had a very strong sexual connection and also an emotional one, but we weren't ready to face that part. So we were both seeing other people and being honest about that. And we had a very honest communication from the beginning. However.
00:21:48:15 - 00:22:17:12
Rebecca
I so I was seeing Prison Boy on the side, for lack of a better way. I was living on my own in a beach town, living my best life, and, falling in love with with Devin without wanting to acknowledge it. And so he shows up on my on my doorstep one day crying. And, he's had a fall off his motorcycle, and he has road rash on his leg.
00:22:17:13 - 00:22:42:04
Rebecca
And he'd been at a bar that morning. And, meanwhile, I have prison boy in my house, so, like. Like you're, And but when I see him on my porch. Oh, God. It just. You have no idea how juicy this about to get. It's a whole lemonade jar. And so I'm like, oh, my God, like a it's like 1030 in the morning.
00:22:42:06 - 00:23:00:22
Rebecca
I can smell the alcohol on you. Be. You're driving your motorcycle under the influence. See, you clearly have had some kind of accident because you have the road embedded in your leg. What is going on? So I get prison boy out. I manage to kind of, and bring him in, put him in the shower. He's sobbing.
00:23:00:22 - 00:23:20:15
Rebecca
I'm like, what is wrong? He's not even thinking about his injuries. So I'm literally picking, like, pieces of gravel out of his butt cheek. Oh, God. He's not even noticing the pain because he's so upset. Clean them up, he tells me, because I knew he had just gone to his home state, a couple states away to visit family.
00:23:20:17 - 00:23:48:17
Rebecca
And know he was there, got drunk and slept with his brother's wife. So he's having trouble coming to terms with that decision now. His brother and his brother's wife were separated at the time, but still very much legally married. It was not something he would have done sober. Oh, so he did have a drinking problem and was just beside himself about this situation.
00:23:48:19 - 00:24:12:00
Rebecca
And so that's a really key pivotal point in our relationship and also a key pivotal point to the story. So after that encounter, in picking the road out of his skin and then he wanted to introduce me to his family and, literally introduced me as this is the girl who picked rocks out of my butt cheek. That's how I produced at the family barbecue.
00:24:12:02 - 00:24:12:23
Rebecca
00:24:13:01 - 00:24:15:08
Luna
Really? Like literally like actually.
00:24:15:10 - 00:24:36:03
Rebecca
Oh, yeah. No, literally. Actually, and little did I know. See, my first time I met him, he was dating a girl that he ended up being a long term relationship with. And we had a threesome. This was back when I was like, 19. So his family and I didn't know his whole family knew about that because, of course, what guys and kind of brag about his first threesome.
00:24:36:05 - 00:24:37:01
Rebecca
So but you don't.
00:24:37:03 - 00:24:40:05
Luna
Necessarily expect they're going to brag about it to their like, family.
00:24:40:07 - 00:25:01:06
Rebecca
Yeah. So so they all knew that all his siblings and like they they knew it was you. Yeah. Oh yeah. And I didn't know they knew about that okay. So now not not only am I the, you know, pick the gravel out of your but girl I'm the threesome girl. So I'm, I'm but it's a very, avant garde type family.
00:25:01:06 - 00:25:24:13
Rebecca
It's not really your traditional type family. So we get serious, and I have to. I remember the call. It was New Year's Eve. I got a call from Prison boy, and he's like, you've been really Mia? What's going on? I get the feeling you're getting really involved with someone. And I'm like, I remember this moment. Like, I remember I was standing and I was like, I have to make a choice right now.
00:25:24:15 - 00:25:45:16
Rebecca
And I knew what my choice was going to be, and I had to tell him, and he was really nice about it. And, you know, I hope the best for you. You know, we were I don't since I was 15 and we did have, you know, prison correspondence. That's pretty personal. So but he respectfully, you know, disappeared from the scene after that.
00:25:45:18 - 00:26:06:23
Rebecca
So that was New Year, which is really when I told him and I decided, like, okay, I'm going to I'm clearly in a relationship with Devin and I'm clearly in love with him. And now fast forward to the following year, Thanksgiving time. And he's like, okay, I want to take you to my other side of my family because his parents had divorced.
00:26:06:23 - 00:26:30:13
Rebecca
So he's got two full sets of families, and his mother and her family and some siblings live in a different state. He's like, we need to fly to this other state. I want you to meet everybody. And that included his brother. Now divorce. And I'm like, is that going to be awkward? Like, have you seen have you been around like your brother since?
00:26:30:13 - 00:26:49:19
Rebecca
He's like, no. And so we have this all ready to go. Subsequently, my birth date falls usually just the day of Thanksgiving or the day before the day after. So we're flying for the week of Thanksgiving out of state, and it's the night before we're going to fly out and his phone rings in the middle of the night.
00:26:49:22 - 00:27:25:17
Rebecca
And it's his brother. His brother has found out that he's not his. He's extremely unhappy because he found that he in the divorce proceedings or the separation proceedings. I remember exactly what point they were at, but they were they were in the process of separating. He found, ironically, a sex story that she had written down about her experience with Devin, his brother and his brother found it and the middle of the night and called him.
00:27:25:17 - 00:27:49:20
Rebecca
And this is the night before we're flying to the state where he lives to have Thanksgiving. And it was it was bad. It was bad because we already know he's really struggling with this. And so we we fly out there the next day and he's like, my brother is going to take my life like he's going to end me.
00:27:49:22 - 00:28:12:05
Rebecca
And I'm like, oh, can't wait to meet the family. It's going to be for this game. It's like meeting your mom and your sister and your brother and everybody. Oh my God. And and and it's my birthday. So, we're we fly there, we get there, brothers at work, we visit. All fine. Good. I'm the new girlfriend.
00:28:12:05 - 00:28:38:03
Rebecca
Shiny and new. Yeah. And, then the closer it gets to the time, because his brother is staying with his mom because he's going through a divorce, and, we're staying there also. And the closer it gets to the time his brother gets home from work, the more heavily Devin starts to consume alcohol because he's terrified that his brother is going to end his life.
00:28:38:05 - 00:29:01:05
Rebecca
So they've we've all made a cake, like we're going to celebrate my birthday, but it doesn't go well because Devin drinks himself to oblivion, passes out in a barn somewhere because we're on this, like, big property out in the mountains. At the end of the night, I'm sitting there alone, eating my birthday cake, crying, thinking, My God, this is such a mess and this is terrible.
00:29:01:07 - 00:29:30:14
Rebecca
In walks the brother. Picture me sitting there eating my own birthday cake by myself. We never sing Happy birthday. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm in another state by myself and it's a taller, almost identical copy, albeit sober version of Devin that I've never met or seen. All I know is my boyfriend and his wife. That's all I've got to go.
00:29:30:16 - 00:29:55:11
Rebecca
Like, yeah, and we make eye contact and I. There's no word for it. It's like some sort of cataclysmic explosion. Of, like, connectivity. I don't know, I, I, I wish there were. I don't think there's a word in the dictionary for it. Was it.
00:29:55:11 - 00:30:01:10
Luna
Like brain body energy field? All of it. Like. Yeah. What was the. Yeah. Okay. It was, it was standing up on end.
00:30:01:10 - 00:30:28:10
Rebecca
Yes. Yeah. It was emotional. It was physical. It was mental. All of that. Well and he just comes in and he sits down and he's like, you must be Rebecca. And I'm like. And I'm crying. I'm like, yeah. He's like, are you really sitting here alone eating your birthday cake? And I'm like, yeah. He's like, can I have a piece?
00:30:28:12 - 00:30:51:10
Rebecca
And we sit there and eat my birthday cake and start discussing what has gone down in the family. But we're talking like we've known each other our whole frickin lives. Like there was no, he did not feel like a stranger. He did not feel like we. And we end up talking until 5:00 in the morning, all night about everything.
00:30:51:12 - 00:31:12:08
Rebecca
Not we we we we go from what's happened, you know, with his marriage. And then we go to previous relationships and we go to, I mean, like, everything we we talked off five in the morning and then we finally, you know, I go to my couch or wherever I was sleeping, which was on the other side of the wall of his room at like 5 a.m..
00:31:12:10 - 00:31:25:23
Rebecca
And I don't think I've ever been so sexually charged in my life, even though there were moments where we were both crying. There are moments when we're both laughing. When I lay my body down, I'm vibrating.
00:31:26:00 - 00:31:31:19
Luna
Which, if anyone has it listened to Rebecca's first episode. This is a very sexually charged creature, just beautiful.
00:31:31:21 - 00:31:46:15
Rebecca
And so I just want to point that out. Yes. Oh. Fair point. So I can hear him on the other side of the wall getting his bed. And I'm like, okay. And I can hear what he's doing.
00:31:46:17 - 00:31:50:06
Luna
I was going to say, you have to touch yourself so he can hear you right over to you.
00:31:50:06 - 00:32:16:07
Rebecca
Can you hear him? Okay, okay. He did so. So yeah. So through the wall. Wow. This this occurs and then I don't see him again for the rest of the trip. He's gone in the morning, like, once I wake up, you know, boyfriend comes around wherever he slept in a ditch, I don't know, we have the rest of the trip, never see him again.
00:32:16:07 - 00:32:41:09
Rebecca
And I'm leaving, and I'm like, where is he? So I slip a note under his door because, like, what was that? Like what? What was that experience? However, his mom, before I left, was like, be careful, be careful. And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, you know what I mean? I don't know how. I don't know what, I don't know when or maybe I don't know through the walls to oh, God.
00:32:41:11 - 00:33:12:14
Rebecca
Oh, I think she just, I don't know, I'll never know. But so that's a really important little story in and of itself. So this said, brother comes to California every Christmas. So I have to act like, hey, it's my boyfriend's brother. Like, how's it going, dude? Like, but we always end up pairing off to like, have conversations, not inappropriate ones.
00:33:12:16 - 00:33:34:12
Rebecca
Never like the The veil was there. I mean, like, yeah, but that's not something you acknowledge act on. Nothing like, all business. And then, you know, we end up getting married. His brother did not come to the wedding, would not participate in it, would not speak to my boyfriend, would not have anything to do with him. But when he came to town for Christmas, he would talk to me.
00:33:34:14 - 00:34:00:11
Rebecca
And then. Spoiler alert, in case you didn't listen, the last podcast my my husband passed away from a motorcycle accident. You know, a year and a half into our marriage. So, that throws the whole thing. Wackadoo when he passed, his brother obviously immediately flew into the state and was there for me and at the funeral was holding me up, and, you know, really got me through it.
00:34:00:11 - 00:34:25:04
Rebecca
It never obviously, I had other things on my mind and but I knew that, like, he was really the only place I, I found any sense of comfort, but it didn't feel like sexual at all. It just felt that connectivity that, I don't know what what it is. So fast forward a year or two. I'm not sure he was in California for a reason.
00:34:25:04 - 00:34:50:19
Rebecca
I can't really remember what the reason was. And it's a blended family, so they're step siblings and half siblings and whatever. We're all in a room. Take it. Oh, it was the father. The patriarch of the family had had emergency surgery, too. That's why the family was gathered. And we are, all in a room taking bong loads in, which is not something I typically do.
00:34:50:21 - 00:35:21:03
Rebecca
And that's the thing he typically does. But he's got younger siblings that are live in the house, and they were just like, whatever. And we're joking because the youngest sibling in the family is now like 24 and he's, you know, out there having sex capades and he's dating and he's on all these websites and we're like, wow, what it must be like to, you know, be be out there and be able to just be single, young and, you know, screw people like, like that.
00:35:21:05 - 00:35:42:00
Rebecca
There's a very small time in your young life where you can just do that without like, you know, I know I did that. I'm really 20s. So now this point in time is right around the time that I was involved with the couple and really identifying, you know, I was heavily involved in listening to your podcast religiously and reading the books.
00:35:42:00 - 00:36:04:12
Rebecca
And, and and it was amidst my awakening. Yeah, my, my Covid and post-Covid quarantine evolution. And we're sitting there and, and I'm like, you know, you need to be careful out there and, and careful at websites and where you're finding these people. And then brother in law as well call him from here on out goes, yeah, well, at least he's not on set.
00:36:04:12 - 00:36:24:12
Rebecca
Life. And I had just gotten really into life like that was like heavy into that life. And I just a need. Like I look at him and he looks at me and we look each other's eyes and we realize, wait, if you said that the you know what it is, and if I had that reaction, then I know what it is.
00:36:24:12 - 00:36:43:03
Rebecca
So we just kind of look at each other and then we realize we can't can we can't maintain eye contact because there's other people in the room, you know, luckily everybody's stoned, so no one's really paying attention. But we always have had to, you know, toe the line with this whatever between us. So now I'm thinking, oh my God, he's out of that life.
00:36:43:03 - 00:37:11:03
Rebecca
Like, like he, he's kink, like he's he's a kink. Like, of course he is like, of course he is. And so I'm like amidst my kink, you know, coming of age. And so I'm like, what am I do like, how do I like, can I say something? Can I be like, hey, so fat lady, like, what am I going to how am I going to, you know, my my husband's been gone it for six, seven years at this point.
00:37:11:03 - 00:37:27:19
Rebecca
And and we've never, you know, I would never even think of crossing that line. But when he said that and we had that moment, it was like, wait a minute. So I resist for like a day and I can't handle it anymore. So I find him out on the porch. He's out there probably smoking a cigaret, I don't know.
00:37:27:21 - 00:38:02:13
Rebecca
And I'm like, so, I just have a question about that life. And he just. And he looks at me and he's like, yeah. So you know what that is? And I'm like, yeah, I, I do know what that is. So you know what that is? He's like, yeah, I know what that is. He's like, you know, all I can say is I've always loved hot dogs and I always like, catch up on them.
00:38:02:15 - 00:38:24:21
Rebecca
And then a couple of years ago, I realized I really like mustard on my hot dogs, too. And I'm like. And then walks away. I'm like, wait, did he just tell me he's gay? Does it hot dogs like a metaphor? Is he just saying he's like, discovered kink? What? Like what? So me. And I'm just standing there completely dumbfounded, like,
00:38:24:23 - 00:38:39:09
Rebecca
What? Like what? And he leaves the next day, like, he's gone, and I'm like, this is eating my brain, but alive. And I'm like, okay, I gotta text him like, I can't. I can't not know what that meant.
00:38:39:11 - 00:38:46:07
Luna
He's tripping little clues for you. Do you feel like he's your type? Who is like doing that consciously, or is he just like.
00:38:46:09 - 00:38:48:14
Rebecca
This man does not sneeze by mistake?
00:38:48:15 - 00:38:50:04
Luna
Oh I see, okay, okay. Ooh.
00:38:50:05 - 00:38:51:03
Rebecca
Which I come to learn.
00:38:51:06 - 00:38:52:01
Luna
Okay, okay.
00:38:52:01 - 00:39:13:02
Rebecca
So I'm like, I need to text him, but I'm, So I text him, I'm like, okay, this is killing me. Like, you can't just say something like that and then not follow up. Like, I don't know what that means. He's like, yeah, I was thinking about that. Do I kind of make myself sound gay or something?
00:39:13:02 - 00:39:30:16
Rebecca
And I'm like, well, I mean, it could have been maybe he's like, no, no, I'm not. And I'm like, okay. I mean, if you are, that's fine. That's fine. I mean, like, he's a no no. I just he's like, I didn't know how to say it without saying it. And I'm like, yeah, we kind of always say it without saying it.
00:39:30:16 - 00:39:54:17
Rebecca
He's like, yeah, yeah, we kind of do. And I'm not sure how. I'm not sure when, but from that point on, the line was crossed. There was no boundary anymore. The conversation and texts turned intense. All the things that were not said over the last ten years where we're set and, so that's not the best decision.
00:39:54:17 - 00:40:17:10
Rebecca
But I was in my I was having a moment at that time in my life about, like, not being ashamed and embracing who I am. And like, this is definitely crossing a line. But, you know, is is it, you know, like it, right? Is it like society would say? Yes.
00:40:17:12 - 00:40:24:14
Luna
In the olden days, it was very normal for if someone in a family went away than the rest of the family would kind of, you know.
00:40:24:16 - 00:40:25:03
Rebecca
Absorb.
00:40:25:03 - 00:40:25:16
Luna
The way.
00:40:25:18 - 00:40:53:19
Rebecca
Right? So I'm dealing with this whole like, should I be ashamed? Should I not be ashamed? I'm, I'm like so incredibly stimulated in every way a person can be stimulated about this whole situation. And, what do I do? And then I get a comment on one of my pictures on Fit Life. From brother in law. Oh, she found you.
00:40:53:21 - 00:40:56:22
Luna
Wait, you. He found. He found. Okay. Because you hadn't. He found.
00:40:56:22 - 00:40:57:13
Rebecca
Your headlight.
00:40:57:13 - 00:40:59:23
Luna
You guys had only. So you hadn't, like, exchanged.
00:40:59:23 - 00:41:20:07
Rebecca
Oh we had yeah. No no no no no no okay okay. So and in the photo I'm on all fours like with a robe. Kind of like it's not my face, but like, you get some side cheek. It's a creative photo, but I'm bent over on all fours. There's really no other way to explain that. And my caption is test drive.
00:41:20:07 - 00:41:32:04
Rebecca
Question mark. That's my little comment or my caption. And he comments dibs! Tossed me the keys. Oh wow. When?
00:41:32:05 - 00:41:35:14
Luna
What did this? What did that do inside of you?
00:41:35:16 - 00:41:58:07
Rebecca
A lot, a lot. It did a lot. So I go to his profile and it's at this point we just like, exchanged some photos and like, said dirty things, like, it wasn't like an involved thing. And it had only been like a few days of this. And I'm still trying to like, justify all this in my mind. And,
00:41:58:09 - 00:42:20:13
Rebecca
I'm just I go to his profile and it's like, he's a daddy, Don. And he is like a real, like a real good one. And and I don't consider myself a little, but, but I sure wanted to be one after I read that page.
00:42:20:15 - 00:42:23:22
Luna
I was going to say I can always do with a nurturing daddy type.
00:42:24:00 - 00:42:59:03
Rebecca
It's like if you read everything that, like, you didn't know, turned you on, but you read it and you're like, oh, there's my sexuality on the screen right now. There's everything that I didn't know was missing in my sex life. Like, I'm just like, what? Like what? And so. I'm just like, okay, then. So then he disappears, won't return messages.
00:42:59:05 - 00:43:19:22
Rebecca
Gone. Ghost me, ghost me. So then Christmas rolls around. It's getting closer and closer. I'm like, God, he's going to be coming to town for Christmas. And I was going to be like. And here he resurfaces. He's like, sorry. You know, I was I was dating someone and I, I felt awkward about like what we were doing.
00:43:19:22 - 00:43:40:04
Rebecca
And so I don't want to be weird when I come there and like, like I like sorry. And I'm like, oh, it's fine. I mean, you handled it like a man would, so, you know, you are a man, so I appreciate you. Give me a heads up for you show up on Christmas. So I decide, like, okay, I'm going to act like none of that ever happened.
00:43:40:09 - 00:44:08:13
Rebecca
I'm going to be mature. I mean, it was fun time, but I'm going to dangle a carrot. So, absent his comment, dibs tossed me the keys. I find a sexy little key keychain, and it is a key. But like, the top is a button because like in some of his pictures, like he's wearing like a suit, like, very, you know, daddy don't like, you know, like when dad comes home from work with his briefcase and his dress shirt, you know?
00:44:08:13 - 00:44:29:00
Rebecca
And so it's it's a sexy key. I put it in a in a red box with, like, tissue, and I give it to him separately. He goes the other room and opens it and then comes back, and, we hid in some of our exchanges. We somehow joked about the whole gray sweatpants thing about, you know, you able to see what a man's got with gray sweatpants?
00:44:29:00 - 00:44:29:21
Rebecca
We on the velvet.
00:44:29:21 - 00:44:30:17
Luna
When they were so happy.
00:44:30:18 - 00:44:59:18
Rebecca
So. So of course, he was wearing those Christmas morning as we're opening presents on purpose. And so he goes and opens it and comes back and sits down next to me on the couch and stretches like he had just opened it and left it in his room and come back and stretches and he liked the present. But he does it in a way where no one else can see, obviously, you know, but like, it's so the whole family's in the room, but like, and then not.
00:44:59:23 - 00:45:27:06
Rebecca
I've just play. Right. But such a good one. Oh such a good one. And so, I'm just like, he. And then nothing, nothing, nothing comes from that puts it. And I'm like, what the what the heck man. And so whatever. So I go on with my life like, okay, so I'll just be a fun little teasing thing every Christmas.
00:45:27:08 - 00:45:57:13
Rebecca
I so I go on with my life. Two years go by. In that two years my father passes away. Life happens, things get ugly, things get bad. I moved back home to my hometown. That's when all that comes down. So now we're in like 22, 20, 22 ish. And, it comes time to like, sort through some of my dad's things and some of his man things I need a man expert on.
00:45:57:15 - 00:46:14:17
Rebecca
And so he's in town for because his father, my father in law, is ill again. And so he's happens to be in California, and she's like, oh, why don't you have brother in law come over here? Because he's an expert on, like, these collectible type things, and he can help us figure out what to do with him.
00:46:14:17 - 00:46:34:10
Rebecca
And I'm like, okay, cool, no problem, because I've put it out of my mind at this point. You know, it's it's been two years. Nothing came of it. I'm like, okay, that was fun. But he whatever. Cool brother in law. Cool, right? So he comes helps out. Fine. No big deal. Just like normal. We've got the rapport.
00:46:34:12 - 00:47:00:17
Rebecca
We're just pretending it never happened. I'm like, okay, cool. We can just move on until we're in the front yard. And I'm saying goodbye to him. And I go to hug him, and he reaches down and cups my butt cheek, and he's like, in my ear, damn it, I forgot my keys and then leans back and I'm like.
00:47:00:19 - 00:47:17:19
Rebecca
He means the keys for the test drive, obviously. Yeah. And I'm like. And then he just stands back, gets in his car and drives off, and I'm like. What? Just like.
00:47:17:21 - 00:47:25:00
Luna
Okay, so I'm dying. Wait, did you get to fuck him ever or what happened? That was two years ago. So like, did you what happened?
00:47:25:02 - 00:47:48:07
Rebecca
So he's such a fucking tease. Yeah. Yeah. So. So then he drives away. So it would have been 23 by the time he was in town and came over and helped go through some collectibles and did that in the front yard. So he pulls away and I'm like, you're not doing this this time. Oh. So like I call him and I'm like, what was that?
00:47:48:09 - 00:47:54:21
Rebecca
Enough, enough, enough. I'm calling you on your bluffs. What's up? Like, are we doing this or what?
00:47:54:22 - 00:47:59:23
Luna
Like, yeah, I'm like, come on, naughty daddy to you, sir. Like, what do you, what do you want here?
00:48:00:01 - 00:48:23:23
Rebecca
And he's like, well, that didn't sound like a please. And I'm like, what? He's like, well, you know, the voice changes. You know, the voice change. He's like, well, seems like you want something, but good girls need to ask, right? And I'm like. Okay, okay. I like it.
00:48:24:01 - 00:48:30:01
Luna
Cause I'm like, good daddies need to negotiate. I don't know, you want to play with me. Like, also make me feel desired, but like, that's.
00:48:30:01 - 00:49:14:09
Rebecca
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we spend the whole night texting and planning because he's like, tell me what you want. And I'm like, well, I want you to rail me. Let's. I think that's what I want. Like, I don't, I don't really know. And and we're thinking like but also logically, how would we do something like this, like for so many reasons, like logistically, like, oh, hey, come on over to my mom's house or come over to your dad's house like, we can't know.
00:49:14:11 - 00:49:33:21
Rebecca
But how are we both going to sneak away and, like, get a hotel room? Like, how are we going to do this? So it's the following day. I'm over it at my father in law's house, and I'm sitting there and we're. The whole family's in the room, and him and I are texting like hotels back and forth, like, would this work?
00:49:33:21 - 00:49:57:09
Rebecca
Would this work like, we're. We're planning this whole thing on our phones in the same room with our entire family sitting there, which is so bad. But but so good. Because it's like, are we really going to do this? Because even just thinking about doing it is is so delicious that, like but a lot of times these are things that you just so we decide okay.
00:49:57:09 - 00:50:25:17
Rebecca
So he's he's driving multiple states away when he goes back home. So he's just going to leave a little bit early and hit some traffic and you know, I'll just happen to be at a hotel on the side of the highway. And and that's just what's going to happen. So so that's what we planned. And I take my child to school and I have my duffel with all the things.
00:50:25:19 - 00:50:53:05
Rebecca
And I go to this hotel room and I'm like, this whole time I'm like staring at myself, my rearview mirror, like, are you really doing this right now? Like what? But like, I am, like, super charged. And so I decide, okay, I'm going to do this, I'm going to go all out. So I go up there, I put a full getup on, like I've got sexy lingerie and I've got my power robe, and I'm like, I'm just going to, you know, because I'm thinking like, okay, he comes in the room and like, how do we do this?
00:50:53:05 - 00:51:09:20
Rebecca
So I'm like, I'm just going to take charge. I'm just going to take charge of the situation. Because remember, there's a major dominant in me, not typically with men, but I'm like, I in order to overcome this, in order to truly like, yeah, cross this line, I have to just associate and be a bad bitch like you're going to have to do.
00:51:09:22 - 00:51:45:19
Rebecca
And so I, I true to form, I hear a knock right at the appointed time and I answer the door and with my robe open with my lingerie and my goodies are on display and it's a throwdown. It's an immediate. And it was, amazing. Were you like, it was probably some of the most intense impact play, but like I knew what I was in for, you know, because we we do we talked about it for two days like and I and we'd to end right like I'd seen his fat life.
00:51:45:19 - 00:52:25:18
Rebecca
Like I knew his tastes. And I knew I hadn't experienced all of them, but I was more than willing to. And and it was it was amazing and rough, but also soft, like the aftercare was very, very intense and amazing and supportive and but he's extremely well-endowed, like, so that was an adjustment. And there was moments like like there was like five rounds and it was like 2 or 3 hours.
00:52:25:18 - 00:52:50:00
Rebecca
And after the first time, like he he's cuddling me and consoling me because I just got my ass beat, you know? And so, and I'm like, I just realized we, we never even kissed. And he's like, yeah, I didn't know about that because I thought it might be like kissing my sister. It's conceivable, but. Oh, buddy, he was joking.
00:52:50:00 - 00:53:19:05
Rebecca
But like, at the same time, like, I don't know, technically, I'm his sister in law, I guess, even though his brother's passed, like, technically. I mean, we have the same last name, so, like. Like. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, so then. And another round, it's getting intense. And and he I'm on top. Like, he, like, grabs me, pulls me to kiss me, like, just in a moment of passion and then realizes what he's about to do.
00:53:19:05 - 00:53:45:01
Rebecca
And so he bites me instead. And it was so good. Like, so good. Like, so at the end of it all, like I had, I had, I had souvenirs on my skin, of the most delectable variety and, and, amazing. I think the scratches were my favorite. That was new. Newer to me. Like, on my inner thighs.
00:53:45:01 - 00:54:02:15
Rebecca
That was. That was new. You know, bruises on your. But pretty par for the course. But but scratches in your inner thighs, like scabbed ones are not everybody's yum. But. And not necessarily even mine. But in that moment, in that circumstance.
00:54:02:21 - 00:54:10:07
Luna
I was going to say it's very specific, depending on the who, the what, the when, the context, the what did we talk about. Like what I definitely don't for for that with that.
00:54:10:09 - 00:54:31:20
Rebecca
Yeah yeah yeah. No I wouldn't ask for that. But it had been discussed at length as a good daddy done would. I knew everything that could possibly happen to me ahead of time. And when he first got all the way in, it was painful. He was gentle, of course, but it was. It was painful because from behind and he's, you know, well, doubt.
00:54:31:20 - 00:54:51:19
Rebecca
And, I was making sounds, I'm sure that were sounded like I was a little bit of pain and he leans over it next to my ear and he goes, are you okay, Princess? Now, typically someone calling me Princess. It make you want to gag, but in that moment it was the best thing I ever heard in my life.
00:54:51:21 - 00:55:19:23
Rebecca
And, I'm like, yeah. And he's like, okay, good, because I'm going to wreck you now. And proceeded to to do that. So it was ridiculously great. And so that was that we did everything we needed to do. And then he showered and left and, I that was May of last year. So Christmas came around and he acted like he didn't know me at Christmas.
00:55:19:23 - 00:55:37:08
Rebecca
That was a little bit disappointing. I not that I mean, like, I didn't plan to, like, want to do that again. Like, to me, it was like, I mean, I wouldn't like, say no to it, but it was really, truly just like this one thing. And I was just going to act like normal. But he, I guess, doesn't have that ability.
00:55:37:08 - 00:56:05:17
Rebecca
I'm not really sure. But that's fine. I have no regrets. And it's something that pops into my head quite frequently. I mean, it was one of the most erotic experiences I've ever had. And, you know, like I said, not something I'd want all the time. But in that situation, and, you know, a lot of people probably would say that's really wrong.
00:56:05:18 - 00:56:09:12
Rebecca
And maybe some people, you know, I don't know, I don't think it was.
00:56:09:12 - 00:56:23:22
Luna
Oh, look, a lot of people seem to have a human kink for judging each other rather than playing actually with physical sex. So it's like, yeah, we're not in that space of judgment. And it sounds like you got an incredible.
00:56:24:00 - 00:56:24:14
Rebecca
Experience.
00:56:24:14 - 00:56:25:22
Luna
Versus yeah.
00:56:25:23 - 00:56:27:00
Rebecca
Yeah.
00:56:27:02 - 00:56:28:20
Luna
After so much build up.
00:56:28:22 - 00:56:51:07
Rebecca
And oh, and another awesome aspect is, you know, I have a real serious, phobia of getting pregnant. Like, I don't because I can't physically like that could harm me. And so I didn't realize how much that was affecting my experiences in the back of my mind worrying about that. But he has had a vasectomy. Hot.
00:56:51:07 - 00:56:56:16
Luna
Oh my God, I just had a new lover who has a vasectomy. And I'm like, you do?
00:56:56:18 - 00:57:15:14
Rebecca
I did it with your cum. And exactly. So I knew that. I knew that I would be able to explore a lot with that, that you clearly understand, that I typically wouldn't and I wouldn't have that fear. And I didn't realize how much that fear was inhibiting me until I didn't have it. And then I could just.
00:57:15:16 - 00:57:37:19
Rebecca
And, you know, I'm a huge fan of of a cream pie. And, that's not something I indulge in typically. But we fully discussed everything obviously, beforehand. So nothing had to be discussed in the moment other than all about all the bad, naughty, dirty things. So yes. So that is and then after that I'm like, all right, I'm good.
00:57:37:21 - 00:58:08:02
Rebecca
Like I need to. Yeah. Reset. And I took it down and studied and got, a teaching credential. I needed a few more tests and a few more things. Started teaching. One of my favorite things is one of the older women, like my mom's age at the school, got into my book and read it, and she's, like, in her 60s, and she was like, girl, when I read your book, I couldn't leave my husband alone for a week.
00:58:08:04 - 00:58:09:06
Rebecca
Oh.
00:58:09:08 - 00:58:10:20
Luna
What a fucking compliment.
00:58:10:21 - 00:58:13:20
Rebecca
That's like you. Oh, yeah.
00:58:13:21 - 00:58:15:21
Luna
That's all we could all.
00:58:15:23 - 00:58:45:09
Rebecca
Yeah. So, and as a small town would have it, I ended up being. I ended up being the teacher, one of the teachers of Bookstore Boys child. So that was an interesting. Wow. Yeah. So another reason why we had to establish, you know, clean slate professionalism, why, you know, so that so. Yeah. So, that's what I'm doing now.
00:58:45:09 - 00:59:13:12
Rebecca
I'm focusing on my career. I'm outlining book two. And I'm and I'm, I've taken some breaks. You know, I dabble in some online conversations. I've had some delicious online encounters. And, and, you know, loosely, I use the term relationships loosely, but, you know, more than once talking to someone that have. I've learned things about people.
00:59:13:12 - 00:59:48:08
Rebecca
And, you know, I'm like you. I'm always like, experimenting. But researching, like, I'm always wanting to talk to new people and learn new things. And I just really felt like it was important for the last year to just kind of focus on myself and, and my book and my career and, yeah. So I'm doing some, some teaching on the side and, writing and living and, that's where I met.
00:59:48:10 - 00:59:57:19
Luna
I am so grateful for all these juicy, delicious, detailed updates. Could you just tell us what your sexual hopes for your future are now?
00:59:57:21 - 01:00:22:03
Rebecca
Yeah, I think I always have the same sexual hope, which is to find a perfect friends with benefits I would love because I don't I don't have the emotional capacity for a relationship in my life. I don't know if I ever will be, to be honest. It's not something I'm seeking. I don't if I'm ever in a relationship again, I need it to to be able to give it my all.
01:00:22:03 - 01:00:47:18
Rebecca
And I'm not in that place right now, so, I but but again, you know, I don't want to go forever without any intimacy in my life. So I would love to find because a person can just go have sex. But to have quality, satisfying, fulfilling sex. That's almost why I decided just not to do it for a year, because I'd rather have none than lackluster.
01:00:47:22 - 01:01:08:14
Rebecca
So, to find a, core shaking partner and somehow maintain that sexually without having to be in a relationship emotionally, which I'm not sure if it's possible, it's probably toxic. But that's always my dream is to find this perfect little either cool fuck buddy.
01:01:08:16 - 01:01:19:00
Luna
And you're putting it out there, and and it is possible. It's possible for you to get your needs met. It's possible for you to find someone who, like, emotionally fulfills you within and sexually in the container that is good for you.
01:01:19:02 - 01:01:24:18
Rebecca
Yes, yes. So that's where I'm at with that. And I'm hopeful it can happen.
01:01:24:21 - 01:01:36:14
Luna
I share that hope and I celebrate it happening and unfolding and perfect timing. Okay, so lovers, the link is in the description below. But Rebecca, would you please tell us where people can find Sex Capades?
01:01:36:16 - 01:02:10:22
Rebecca
Yes. Ryan Linson is on Instagram under Ryan Lynch. Ten R e and n e l I n s e n underscore sex Capades. And I update there. And there's also a link to purchase a copy of Sex Capades. If you would like to delve into the world of Rachel Dubois and Mark Saint James. It is it is quite a, quite a sex capades.
01:02:11:00 - 01:02:12:20
Luna
And there is more to come. So.
01:02:12:21 - 01:02:15:15
Rebecca
Yes, indeed.
01:02:15:17 - 01:02:19:05
Luna
Rebecca, thank you for coming back and sharing your updates on sex stories.
01:02:19:11 - 01:02:21:05
Rebecca
You are so welcome. It was a pleasure.
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