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Deep Casual Intimacy: Scott’s Update


36 bisexual cis dude, he/him pronouns, polyamorous, Gentleman Dom, works in emergency medicine overseas, Pacific Northwest-based




00:00:00:05 - 00:00:20:14

Luna

Our guest today is a 36 year old sis. Bye dude who is in a polyamorous straight passing relationship and lives in the Pacific Northwest and works in emergency medicine overseas. A gentleman Domme who attracts submissive partners with charming phrases like Will beat you for coffee. Originally a guest from 161 in March 2022. Welcome back Scott.


00:00:20:16 - 00:00:22:08

Scott

Hello. Thank you.


00:00:22:10 - 00:00:30:15

Luna

Thanks for being here with us today. What has been going on since we talked last? Have you continued your sheebah journey? Or tell us whatever you want to tell us?


00:00:30:17 - 00:00:42:15

Scott

Yeah. The ship already ended up being put on hold for for a little bit just because, what I realized is that, to actually do it correctly requires a significant amount of time and effort.


00:00:42:20 - 00:00:58:23

Luna

And even at the bottom, like I recently got tied by one of my friends partners, they are super duper into rope and shrubbery and all of it. And I love it. And I also am. Yeah, it's an investment and it's so cool and beautiful, but damn, it's an investment.


00:00:59:01 - 00:01:20:18

Scott

It is very much an investment, especially of the time. And so I'm hoping that, there will be a change in my lifestyle dynamics in about six months. And so I'm hoping to actually get a chance to really kind of involve myself then. But yeah, the scenario was, was I was like, oh, crap.


00:01:20:20 - 00:01:22:23

Luna

Okay. Well, what have you been getting into?


00:01:23:00 - 00:01:25:11

Scott

That's the time that for both me and the bottom.


00:01:25:13 - 00:01:37:02

Luna

I feel that I didn't mean to start you off with a question that was like setting us up for a not talk about. How about you tell us what you have been getting into, what you've been loving, what what has been the landscape these last two years since we've spoken?


00:01:37:04 - 00:02:06:08

Scott

Well, so, that, girlfriend that I never expected to have is still very much a part of my life, which has been really, really cool. So it has been very much a poly dynamic, and even starting maybe eight months ago, I ended up spending due to travel restraints and stuff like that. It used to be very long distance, but then I end up getting the opportunity to spend like two days a week with her.


00:02:06:10 - 00:02:21:00

Scott

And yeah, and so that's been very interesting for me because it's two days a week with my partner who also has two kids and like, husband is there. And so turned into this very kitchen table poly that I was just not expecting in any way, shape or form.


00:02:21:02 - 00:02:27:02

Luna

And how has it been for you? It sounds like I mean, it's still going, so that must be a plus. Like I love it.


00:02:27:04 - 00:02:49:01

Scott

Okay. Yeah, it's it's a plus. You know, up until then, kind of all of my play and dynamics and stuff had always been very separate, very separate from like my domestic life. And so it's been kind of interesting to see a secondary partner become very domestic. So that line gets very blurred for me now.


00:02:49:03 - 00:02:50:19

Luna

Say more. What does that mean?


00:02:50:21 - 00:03:01:10

Scott

Well, there's times where it's like, oh yeah, you know, I'm going to be coming over to your house and stuff like that. And it's just like that. Yeah, we're both like hot, hot sex time. And then it's like, no, there's lacrosse practice.


00:03:01:12 - 00:03:02:17

Luna

Right?


00:03:02:19 - 00:03:05:01

Scott

For the kids. Kind of a thing.


00:03:05:05 - 00:03:25:06

Luna

Here's a noodle. Is it possible to avoid that in relationships that are, like, longer term? I mean, I've been wondering, like, of course it's possible if the containers a certain amount of time. Right. However, I noticed that when I want to stay in someone's life longer than for me, I've been thinking like, it seems like a year is about the magic number, right?


00:03:25:11 - 00:03:37:08

Luna

If you want to keep someone past a year, it's like you're kind of like, then integrating more or you're really just in clear boundaries. I know that this is a first experience for you, but do you have noodles on that?


00:03:37:10 - 00:03:55:02

Scott

Yeah. Constant noodles. It's like, figure it out. I think it's just a different mentality. It's one where I think the question comes up of like, oh man, I actually really like you as a human, completely separate from all of the, the sex and and and kink parties and stuff.


00:03:55:02 - 00:04:04:01

Luna

Separate or in addition, how could it possibly be separate because it's the same person? Or do you feel when that's different, when you're kinky?


00:04:04:03 - 00:04:25:10

Scott

I think what happened, though, is that the way we had it set up was that we were both each other's like, played items, you know, where where we would go and hang out with each other to be away from kind of the normal domestic life aspect of things. And then, when you start actually integrating that together, it just it just changes.


00:04:25:10 - 00:04:47:00

Scott

And it's and so the question for me was, oh, do I want to have this level of integration. And the answer was very, very quickly like, yeah, actually I really don't mind it. But it was just interesting for me because my other partner, who I have been with for so long, we've always had that. Okay, you know, I won't always 17 years now.


00:04:47:01 - 00:04:48:02

Scott

Wow.


00:04:48:04 - 00:04:52:05

Luna

Dude, so you were babies when you got together?


00:04:52:06 - 00:05:23:02

Scott

Yeah. And so that's just so it's been a it's been a, Well, I have my domestic partner, and now, it's like, oh, now I have two domestic partners, and that's just been a mental shift for me. Even though I have tons of poly friends, you. That's been their entire experience. But for me, it's been a very it's been a very fun time, especially the last like six months or so or it's become very integrated and there's no signs of stopping that.


00:05:23:04 - 00:05:28:05

Scott

And so so that's just a very kind of a fun thing which we still play like a lot.


00:05:28:07 - 00:05:31:23

Luna

That was my question okay. Tell us details. Yeah. What's it like?


00:05:32:01 - 00:05:37:09

Scott

I mean, we just went to Kink Fest in Portland, which if you ever get a chance to go to King Fest in Portland, it's.


00:05:37:09 - 00:05:39:23

Luna

I was like, I didn't realize you were there.


00:05:40:01 - 00:06:06:03

Scott

Oh, yeah, I was there. Yeah. And so my partner and I helped out on one of the workshops, which was super fun, and she's been getting a lot more interest in being a demo bottom for a variety of different, like, workshops and things, not just taking classes, but at some other festivals and workshops. And that's actually super cool to to watch because I get to be there during like some of the rehearsals and stuff, and I'm sitting there with a notebook and be like, oh yeah, that's a great idea.


00:06:06:03 - 00:06:33:13

Scott

I should totally do that. And so, yeah, it was just super, super fun. There's 1 or 2 new little comments that kind of come in and out that hasn't ever really stopped. It's been a fun, crazy time. I've deployed a couple of more times since the last time we talked. And so what was interesting is, is we the first time I came back with this newer girlfriend partner.


00:06:33:15 - 00:06:41:00

Scott

We did not handle it particularly well because we just haven't practiced it very much. We don't practice. We've been gone for a while.


00:06:41:06 - 00:06:52:17

Luna

When you say handle it, what do you mean? Just the distance or like the distance plus reintegration or the fact that you're doing, like, really intense work, like, like unpack that for us a little bit to your comfort level.


00:06:52:19 - 00:07:12:09

Scott

Yeah. The reintegration was was difficult. We're not quite sure where it went off the rails, but it went off the rails within like hours of me arriving home, which was pretty interesting because we had maintained that long distance relationship during that time as well as possible. But I had never she had never seen somebody come back from a conflict zone before.


00:07:12:10 - 00:07:33:15

Scott

She had never. I don't think she necessarily truly, really understood what it is that I do up until that point. And so she wasn't equipped to to even know what to do to help. But we got through it, and then I deployed again and came back and it was like, yes, breath of fresh air. And it worked out really, really well.


00:07:33:18 - 00:08:00:05

Scott

And so that was just a it was that was just another really nice aspect of, of this relationship that I've been building with this person, which is it does feel like we can have all this really kinky, you know, hot sex and still explore all of that. And then there's like this domestic point, you know, that we've reached and there's this whole idea of like, oh, yeah, I understand that.


00:08:00:05 - 00:08:12:06

Scott

Like your brain is going to be frazzled for a month or two, you know, after you return. And being able to navigate that has just been really, really nice.


00:08:12:07 - 00:08:41:13

Luna

It sounds like there's almost, correct me if I'm wrong and I'm just projecting here maybe a role reversal that happens because when you come back, it sounds like maybe you require more support and I know that oftentimes dominants are more comfortable giving support than receiving it, unless it's like clearly kind of articulated in these ways. Can you speak to that a little bit or maybe say what you've learned about yourself and your needs in terms of fostering a kinky connection when you're in this reintegration mode?


00:08:41:15 - 00:09:12:05

Scott

Yeah, totally. I think that's a that's very appropriate. We're really big on communication. Like and just myself in my practice as a Dom and communication is is more important to me than anything else. And so I think what we, we ended up coming up with a, with a language in, in a way to basically negotiate scenes. We took the, we took some of the, the idea of negotiation that we would do for, for a sex scene and kind of turned it on.


00:09:12:05 - 00:09:33:16

Scott

Its head a little bit and negotiated like, what do I want for a scene that doesn't actually necessarily involve sex, but is involving more like comfort? And, and so that was actually a really that was, that was really fun to utilize all the concepts that, you know, we've been practicing for years of, of negotiating scenes, but applying it to something else.


00:09:33:18 - 00:10:12:16

Scott

And I think that if you can like, try it and try for something strange, you know, try it for something, for something new. It's like, oh, yeah, you know, you if you and your partner want to have a, you know, a night in, where there is no sex, try using the kink negotiation techniques that you have and what ends up coming out and what came out for me was like, there were a bunch of little things that I had never thought to ask for before, and other things that I had never that I was like, oh yeah, this this was normally what I would like, but it's not what I want in


00:10:12:16 - 00:10:16:13

Scott

that moment. And, you know.


00:10:16:13 - 00:10:21:06

Luna

And that's just, I think examples if you feel comfortable or just because I. Yeah.


00:10:21:07 - 00:10:47:16

Scott

Yeah, totally. So I, I am a, I am a top. I'm a dumb. I do not feel submissive. I, you know, being on the receiving end of, of a lot of things, it's just a very uncomfortable place for me. And since I've just always been in that giving kind of side, but, negotiating out, usually I'm the one giving massages.


00:10:47:18 - 00:11:13:14

Scott

This is a great example. Usually I give massages. Negotiating. Receiving a massage was really nice for me because I can get uncomfortable while receiving massage because like, oh man, at some point in time I need to like, reciprocate in some way. You know, I want to make sure this is, you know, people, and I want to make sure you're having a really good time and my partner was very, very clear.


00:11:13:14 - 00:11:36:22

Scott

And just like I actually really enjoyed giving you massages. And so, like, let's just set a timer and it's like for that timer, for whether it be 25 minutes or something like that, you are just purely receiving. And it gave me an end point. It gave me a like, okay, this is a scene. And and I understand scenes.


00:11:37:00 - 00:12:06:18

Scott

You know, there are a lot of people I feel like, like we understand scenes. We just don't understand, like certain aspects of self-care. But what I did was I basically turned self-care into a scene, and that's just the way that it helped me. And my brain understand that it is okay that this person is giving, and I don't have to reciprocate in the exact same way, or be the one in charge of providing the experience.


00:12:06:20 - 00:12:33:11

Scott

And that was really nice. That was really nice. And so we can negotiate a like, okay, Scott's going to have like a relaxing scene basically. And it still puts a lot of the, the agency in myself. It still gives a lot of agency to the other person. And I know that it does, to say, I don't want to do that or I do want to do that.


00:12:33:13 - 00:12:53:08

Scott

And the end result is, I have a massage where I don't feel, like, worried about what the other person is thinking you're doing because we've already negotiated that scene. And so we so we were doing those types of things, and we were doing, we did that for, like, massages. We were doing that for just like, cuddling.


00:12:53:08 - 00:13:12:14

Scott

We were doing it for different kinds of sex. You know, where it's like, man, I've just been in a very high stress environment. I actually don't want to have rough sex. Yeah, but but you, you know, but a lot of times we do. That's a just a normal, classic aspect of the sex that I have with this person.


00:13:12:16 - 00:13:27:03

Scott

Okay. And being able to almost like, scene out like romantic sex when you're not necessarily feeling like intrinsically romantic, but it's like, I need to connect with this person.


00:13:27:05 - 00:13:29:21

Luna

Oh, man, I'm trying to understand. I'm still trying.


00:13:29:21 - 00:13:31:01

Scott

No, it's really hard.


00:13:31:05 - 00:14:11:17

Luna

No, I'm still trying to understand romance. And also, am I understanding correctly that this is like a new aspect of receiving service for you? Like, like allowing yourself to be nurtured by a submissive, because I think my submissive experience is so different from now that I've been interviewing so many people. You know, my formative experience had me giving a lot of service, also receiving service, but it felt so integrated back when we were on the same wavelength, and then we grew irreconcilable apart because we cannot communicate with, like you, you know, if you read that one when it's like, oh, we're the same people using the same words and we just don't line up anymore.


00:14:11:17 - 00:14:20:08

Luna

But like, so this is new for you to receive or is it only nurturance? Like, help me kind of understand the parts that feel new, feel.


00:14:20:10 - 00:14:34:12

Scott

Yeah. It wasn't the receiving part because I'm I'm very comfortable with that. Generally speaking, I tend to be, the one who was giving or like creating the scene, walking the sub through the scene.


00:14:34:14 - 00:14:35:09

Luna

Where.


00:14:35:11 - 00:14:46:07

Scott

You know, finding out what they what are they looking for, you know, what do they want to try to get out of this and and helping to facilitate that. And so it was it was.


00:14:46:09 - 00:14:49:03

Luna

Like allowing yourself to be nurtured.


00:14:49:05 - 00:15:12:03

Scott

Yeah. Exactly. Okay. Yeah. And it was and it's always just kind of been difficult. Like I'm a medical provider, I tend to be the one who's in charge of nurturing other people. I tend to be. And I and it can be hard to kind of get out of my own head that that's just the way of the world.


00:15:12:05 - 00:15:31:00

Scott

And getting to be nurtured and getting to, yeah, it was it, it was just different. And I and I and I suspect that there are lots of people who are going to be listening to this and be like, oh, yeah, that's what our relationship has always been like, but it just hadn't been for me.


00:15:31:01 - 00:15:43:11

Luna

There's also nuances, right? Like, and maybe they'll listen to it a year from now or not, you know, like like I hear different stuff differently all the time. So it's like no, depends on what our projection machine brains are doing.


00:15:43:13 - 00:16:11:01

Scott

Yeah. Yeah. But it's just a it was just a very it was an it was a new way of using kind of the framework that we had already to manage, like really good quality play with, you know, can we apply this to, you know, something else where it's like, I want to feel that nurturing kind of a thing or whatnot, but it's hard to give myself permission to like, accept it.


00:16:11:03 - 00:16:14:18

Scott

And it was just a nice framework to help myself accept it, I guess.


00:16:14:20 - 00:16:48:02

Luna

Okay, I have a two part question. Yeah. First, I would like to hear, like, details of what else you discovered you enjoyed receiving beyond massages. Like what? What other sort of like, yummy things did you kind of encounter there? And secondly, has that continued to like filter into all of your play, or does it remain something that only happens, like, do you only earn it when you come back from a difficult job and need nurturance, like, or has it kind of like spread into a new era of giving and receiving in a new dynamic?


00:16:48:04 - 00:17:21:08

Scott

It's definitely spread because what it it showed me was that like, you know, yeah, I'm usually the curator of the experience, but that doesn't mean that I can't ask for my own experience. And, and just being a little more comfortable with this idea of like, not you're Adam, but you're asking for a specific experience that is much more, I don't know, touchy feely for myself versus, you know, I think it's a, at least in my head, it's always been a again, it's been a it's been a giving.


00:17:21:10 - 00:17:43:03

Scott

I want you to have, you know, this awesome experience and I get conversion from that. But asking learning to ask for something that you want, I think something that a lot of people have trouble doing. And, so it was just, it's just been very nice to be able to, to at least get the framework for that.


00:17:43:03 - 00:18:11:00

Scott

And then seeing how that works in other relationships as well. The like the receiving side. Yeah. Massages. But like how myself really enjoying receiving like anal play more. And that was nice. That was just again there. I just feel like, you know, I feel like so, you know, there's like, oh, yeah, I've seen that door. I've just never opened that door before.


00:18:11:00 - 00:18:18:21

Scott

And now, you know, you finally you're like, oh, yeah, go ahead, go open the door. And so I did and it's been like, oh look. Wonderful things. Balloons, flowers.


00:18:18:23 - 00:18:24:08

Luna

Wait, what kinds of things are like licking, touching, pegging or all of it.


00:18:24:10 - 00:18:59:07

Scott

Yeah. Like digital penetration licking especially just adding it in as a more regular kind of component to sex has been has been I've been much more, you know, able to to just really sit back and enjoy it. And, you know, I, you know, I listen to your podcasts, believe it or not, because I really like and, and I think that, you know, you have you said it in a couple of different ones that a lot of like receiving anal ends up being a lot more mental and being able to mentally relax.


00:18:59:09 - 00:19:07:23

Scott

And this is allowed me to be able to do that. And so that's just it's really nice.


00:19:08:01 - 00:19:34:22

Luna

It's so cool. Also, just a caveat in case we have any new listeners or anal newbies here. Yes. It's mental. I also need lube. We also need warm up time. Lots of massage. Like if you're doing licking. Licking like time is is part of it for for me at least. And for everything that I read when it comes to, you know, making sure that we're doing things safely and avoiding micro terrors and hemorrhoids.


00:19:35:00 - 00:19:41:03

Scott

It takes a lot of time. And and I think that was the other thing is that I never wanted to invest time in myself.


00:19:41:05 - 00:19:43:15

Luna

Oh, damn. What a discovery of love.


00:19:43:17 - 00:20:02:19

Scott

Oh, yeah. On the level of, like, receiving. And so the idea of like, oh, we have limited time together, you know, we only have a four hour, you know, window for the state or something like that, and like, holy crap, you're going to spend it. You know, a quarter of that time just warming me up. That seems like here.


00:20:02:19 - 00:20:15:03

Scott

Yes. And just way too much. And and being able to be like, actually that's that's that's perfect. That works for both of us. That's been that's been really cool.


00:20:15:05 - 00:20:45:19

Luna

Amazing. Going back to what you said about receiving, I do hear from a lot of people, and I have my kind of own version of unpacking what exactly it is I need to receive, how I want to ask for, from whom do I wish to ask for it, etc.. Do you have anything to say on the note of like identifying your own needs and or kind of like feeling into the specifics of the how when it comes to doing that, asking.


00:20:45:21 - 00:21:05:11

Scott

I think I had the idea of what my needs are or were, and so I was. And so I would ask for those needs to be met. And they would it just wouldn't actually always feel fulfilling. And, and so over time it just realized, oh, maybe those are my needs. Maybe that's what I think my needs are.


00:21:05:12 - 00:21:35:01

Scott

Maybe it's what I think my needs should be, or that's what my needs were ten years ago. But the difference between being 26 and 36 and especially in what I do, is just it's it's a it is a chasm of self-knowledge and self-exploration. And so, allowing the idea that my needs can change was also really helpful. That was, that was really beneficial.


00:21:35:03 - 00:21:58:14

Scott

And I got a lot of that actually from, if you listeners haven't heard my my previous episode, we, I think we touched a little bit on the, post-traumatic stress and how that's affected me. And, I entered into a really in-depth three month program after one of the deployments, and it was super helpful. It was super wonderful.


00:21:58:14 - 00:22:40:19

Scott

I can't speak enough good things about it, but what it helped me do is it helped me realize that, when I initially went into this world, I did a lot of pre-work setting up what I, what my needs and stuff were. And what this did was it showed that your needs have changed and and you need to just accept that those needs have changed and that there is now a, that there is now a new set of needs and, and so getting, being able to let go of the previous requirements to, to feel good to feel safe, to feel secure, to feel like I can express myself, and to feel received.


00:22:40:21 - 00:23:08:16

Scott

That was hard. That was that was hard to make those needs, those changes, you know, occur. Because so often we keep these needs as like core aspects of ourselves. I need eight hours of sleep each night. When I'm feeling this way, my need is to feel physical touch and then to realize that now that's changed is like, oh, now when I know when I feel this way, I actually don't need physical touch anymore.


00:23:08:18 - 00:23:33:10

Scott

I need, you know, verbal encouragement. But, you know, and being able to just modify that was really wonderful. And it just made me laugh because like, I teach a fair amount and I always teach my students, this is like, hey, you know, your practice and everything is going to change over time. And I, of course, did not apply that to myself in any way.


00:23:33:12 - 00:24:02:03

Scott

Finally, finally getting to was was really helpful and I like and I just think, you know, Everything about kink, everything about sex, everything about just human interaction. There's all the nitty gritty aspects of it. There's all there's the super interesting, really small details, but some of the bigger ones of just like, you know what? Turns out I don't actually need to be touched to feel reassured.


00:24:02:03 - 00:24:17:18

Scott

It turns out if you say x, y, z, that does it. Now, that kind of high level kind of meta thought, it's just been really interesting to see how it has changed for me in the last, well, two years since we talked. Yeah.


00:24:17:18 - 00:24:45:05

Luna

So yeah. Yeah. And what I can't help but reflect on, as I hear you speak about those things, is a couple of parallels. You know, I hear so often from people who are in long term relationships and they're like, we're doing the same thing that always worked and it's not working, you know? And it's like, if we were to apply it to a business world because I've been putting on my business pants lately, trying to be a business woman to, you know, have a sustainable, ongoing life and not just be like an artist.


00:24:45:06 - 00:25:14:01

Luna

Swirl in business if you do the same thing just because it works a few times, if it does not continue to work, you change your strategy. And yet, for some reason I too struggle with reminding myself that like, oh, I'm a constant evolution, we are all constant evolutions. Relationships oftentimes do suffer. I read a book that was talking about how, you know, we as human beings are changing constantly, internally.


00:25:14:03 - 00:25:32:07

Luna

Not only do our own personal stories not always line up with our actual experience, like there might be a gap in the kind of realization communicating that to partners and or many people use her mystics to kind of connect. And when I say her mystics, if you're not familiar with that word, I mean, just like the shortcut assumptions of like, oh, I know that person.


00:25:32:07 - 00:25:56:13

Luna

I know what they're like. So, you know, I hear from a lot of people that are like, well, I've grown apart from my long term partner because they don't necessarily have conversations every day. They aren't necessarily having the deep kind of drop in connection, things that we have at the beginning of a relationship. So I would it sounds like you have been integrating a new practice of checking in with your current self, and I would guess that you're also not a done deal, right?


00:25:56:13 - 00:26:29:02

Luna

Like, because just because words of affirmation or maybe working in a stronger way like physical touch may come back or it might be some combination, but it sounds like you're gaining the skill of checking in with yourself in terms of what do I need now? Today? And it also sounds like you're bringing that to your multiple relationships. Do you feel like you can speak at all to like what it is like maintaining multiple long term, ongoing relationships with other partners, as you're also like navigating discovering yourself in an ongoing way.


00:26:29:04 - 00:27:05:08

Scott

Yeah. It I like the, the, the evolutionary kind of Calgary is really this is a really good one. I think, because you do keep a lot of things and then you just kind of add on a few new ones. And, you know, I think anybody, is, you know, who's I can't I can't wait to be, you know, like in my 70s and 80s and listen back to this and be like, of course, that's the you constantly grow up in the moment.


00:27:05:08 - 00:27:22:05

Luna

Even really right now, even right now. You just pointed out to me that you as a teacher say that to people, and yet it's a different skill to recognize how it feels inside of ourselves, to notice a change, and then to figure out how. Two words of five. Because sometimes I don't know what I need. I just know I need some.


00:27:22:07 - 00:27:38:13

Luna

I just know that, like tonight I took the bath. I didn't really feel soothed, but I did. I did this habit, you know, I did this thing that normally makes me feel good. And so sometimes that's all the data that I have in a moment, you know, or I'm like, I'm lonely. I do need a person. Okay, that was a block.


00:27:38:15 - 00:27:50:12

Luna

Okay. I'm not sure what I actually need here, but I know I need something new and different. So not to interrupt, but like, of course, 70 year old us is going to be so Heizer. But like, we're here right now in our 30s I know.


00:27:50:17 - 00:28:03:11

Scott

Well, that's the thing is like is there was a lot of like, I've done the thing. The thing I've done it. Why am I not feeling like I have I have achieved, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So enlightenment or whatever it is.


00:28:03:16 - 00:28:21:08

Luna

Oh my God, evolution makes it so I couldn't check my box. Fuck. You know, it's like because that's the, that's the plus and minus of growth. Right? Like hopefully we're evolving as people. Hopefully there is a personal evolution and also we got to keep up with ourselves. It's tricky.


00:28:21:10 - 00:28:49:06

Scott

Yeah. And it's it's yeah. So it's been interesting with the so so this brings me to a really a fairly large update, which is things we're have, have not been working out in the same way with my long term partner. And, and that's been a, that's been a really interesting kind of evolutionary experience to, to realize that.


00:28:49:06 - 00:29:14:07

Scott

Yeah. The things that we're working ten years ago or just are not working now. And, again, you know, I don't think that I, we necessarily did the best of jobs of realizing that things change and so that partner and I are actually going to be separating for like eight months later this year. Okay. And yeah, and that's kind of crazy.


00:29:14:09 - 00:29:38:01

Scott

Because it's I've never been an adult without them being a very, very active part of my entire experience. But both of us, you know, in the process of, like, you know, the same amount of, like, oh, maybe our needs are, are changing, you know, kind of a thing. Maybe. I'm not sure what this new, you know, the past doesn't work anymore.


00:29:38:03 - 00:30:00:13

Scott

Yeah. I need to find something else. And we've both been very, very encouraging of that of each other to sort of, in terms of kind of figuring it out. And so what we've what we decided was that, we're going to go in and be separate from each other, which is not something that we've ever been able to do.


00:30:00:13 - 00:30:19:10

Scott

And so with anybody who's in a very long term relationship, you are just very entwined with that person and everyone. Some look and feel like, oh, I wonder if this is actually me or this is a mixture of me and them, or did I get this from them? And that's why it's not working. And so, she's going to be traveling around.


00:30:19:12 - 00:30:45:23

Scott

She's, she's in a position where she's going to completely leave the workforce for like 4 or 5 months and just go travel. And it's super cool. And, I'm moving to a new, I'm actually moving to a new country, for a few years. Oh. Well, yeah. And so it's a, it's a little bit like, oh, this is a this is a great opportunity.


00:30:45:23 - 00:31:09:01

Scott

In the following, when Scott moves, you know, I'll take off work and go and explore and, and get to be solo for the first time ever. For her and for me, it's like, oh, man, I'm going to be solo with without this person. And, and I'll still be able to see my other partner, but not nearly as much.


00:31:09:01 - 00:31:40:14

Scott

It'll probably be, you know, for a few weeks, every few months. We're used to that already to a certain degree. But, you know, both of us are trying to find out what those new needs are. And the plan is, is to meet back up, you know, after after about 7 or 8 months and, and be like, hey, do we still work in the our new selves, like the new needs and stuff that we're both doing?


00:31:40:14 - 00:31:52:00

Scott

And it's a and for us, it's a little bit of and it's a fairly radical experiment. The idea of coming back after a set time. I think the problems that were just really asked for each other,


00:31:52:02 - 00:31:53:10

Luna

Damn it.


00:31:53:12 - 00:32:18:00

Scott

I know, but that also. But that also definitely I think it definitely clouds your judgment for some amount of self-discovery where it's like, you know, I've never been in my 30s and gotten to go on dates that are not usually like kind of set up with a plan of like, oh, yeah, because most of my dating has been like, you can hear you submissive especially.


00:32:18:00 - 00:32:38:09

Scott

Are you new to this? Like, let's go, you know, explore and and so I've decided like, oh, you know, I'm just gonna go on dates that are just like, hey, I want to go out to dinner where there's no pre negotiation, there's no anything like that. I just like casual dating. I've never gotten to do casual dating in my adult life.


00:32:38:11 - 00:32:39:16

Scott

And so I'm going to.


00:32:39:18 - 00:32:47:06

Luna

Whoa. Okay. I don't know if I necessarily knew that was part of it. Okay. Yeah. That's. How are you feeling about that?


00:32:47:08 - 00:32:49:10

Scott

Oh, scared out of my mind.


00:32:49:12 - 00:33:16:14

Luna

Oh, it's so funny because I hear so often from people that are like, oh, wow, you're you're living this wild and free life. You're solo. You can do whatever you want. You're an artist. What a free spirit you are. And I'm like, I'm just living a different pattern. Like like in the same way that, you know, people who are in long term partnerships, like what you said, you know, you're like, is this me?


00:33:16:14 - 00:33:30:22

Luna

Is that them? How do I make a decision without in mesh like you can't? You're in a partnership like you are partnered. And I'm like, well, I actually can't make a decision with another person because I am so solo. You know, I'm coming up on 13 years of living in the same house. I'm like, I kind of want to move.


00:33:30:22 - 00:33:57:14

Luna

But like, I always thought I would have someone else to make that decision with. But also like, I'm kind of allergic to being attached to someone publicly because for so many reasons, like, we don't even get into here, but like, you know, and I also really like going deep and getting intimate with different and new people. And I'm also learning like kind of the.


00:33:57:16 - 00:34:20:22

Luna

Limits of what is available in, in those situations. Because it's like at some point you have to keep going or you stop or you create a really tight container and you just do this one thing over and over again until you both get bored or break the container and go one of those other directions, you know, and it's so it's so funny because it's like we can never do anything but what we're doing right now, right?


00:34:20:22 - 00:34:42:00

Luna

Like every single choice is a mutually exclusive decision to some degree, and we can always make a new one. Ooh. Theme of the episode. But, but it's, you know, it's exhilarating. Like, what a thrilling moment for you to be in this new era. Do you have any wishes for it, like, or just thoughts on that? Like what?


00:34:42:05 - 00:34:45:00

Luna

I don't, no, I just talk to a lot of, you know.


00:34:45:02 - 00:34:54:00

Scott

I, I, I really enjoy your perspective how it's I mean, it's scary first and foremost. It's scary. You're.


00:34:54:00 - 00:35:03:06

Luna

Very good at doing extremely scary things, like things that many other people would like literally shit their pants about.


00:35:03:07 - 00:35:29:13

Scott

Yes. And I and I occasionally have to remind myself of that, that that's like, don't you? You do crazy things. I like frameworks, I, you know, I, I like frameworks, so I'm trying to, like, find a framework that might fit kind of what I want to do because I really want to I want to date, but I also don't I'm not looking to get into another long term relationship.


00:35:29:15 - 00:35:49:04

Scott

And so I want to be very, very upfront and clear with people because again, I love communication about that. But I, I just like the idea of like having a couple people who, from their experience of going on a date with me, it's just like, you know what? He's really funny. We end up going out to a nice there.


00:35:49:04 - 00:36:13:15

Scott

We go to a show. There's no pressure, there's no expectation, and it's just fun. There's good conversation and I just want that. I'd love, I'd love for for that to be, you know, because that's fun for me. And again, that gets back to me enjoying curating experiences for people. But it'll be challenging. I don't, because of my job and my work.


00:36:13:15 - 00:36:28:12

Scott

I don't have social media. And so dating apps are very, very challenging to navigate with some of the restrictions that I have technologically. Yeah. So, so anytime I meet somebody, it has to be in real life.


00:36:28:16 - 00:36:35:12

Luna

Basically, I love that. Well, I think that's the best way. Personally, it's I'll say that's the best way for me personally.


00:36:35:13 - 00:37:07:13

Scott

Yeah, I and I, I enjoy that. So it'll be really cool to be in a, in a place with a not totally different culture, but definitely, you know, not American, not Pacific Northwest culture. Yeah. And kind of learn to navigate that. That would be super fun and exciting. But again, it's just it's also, you know, I've always I've always gone home at the end of the day to this one person or, you know, always know that, like, oh, in a few days I'll be going back to them kind of a thing.


00:37:07:13 - 00:37:31:19

Scott

And so it's a very interesting new dynamic to be like, oh, I'm not. This is interesting. I wonder what. And I'm and I'm very curious about what's going to happen with that. I'm very curious about how I'm going to feel and react. It's I've mentioned this before. It, a lot of people in my position have a hard time sleeping alone, even if there's no sex involved.


00:37:31:19 - 00:37:48:10

Scott

Like, we tend to sleep in little groups because, frequently in danger. So it feels better when there's another human even in the room. Yeah. And so interesting to spend a fair amount of time by myself. Yeah.


00:37:48:12 - 00:37:50:20

Luna

I'm an expert on that.


00:37:50:22 - 00:38:16:05

Scott

And I am so not. And and and so that's going to be really exciting and really interesting too. It's going to be really interesting to navigate. And and I'm, you know, I, I hope that we get back to, to seeing each other and it's like, oh yeah, you know what? Our life can continue to work in this intermingled way, this this relationship way.


00:38:16:10 - 00:38:17:08

Scott

But I also.


00:38:17:08 - 00:38:20:07

Luna

It can begin a new in a new way.


00:38:20:09 - 00:38:37:01

Scott

Yeah. And our, you know, our kind of our you know, the question was like, do we want to really just like completely separate, like, do we want to just completely break up and just cut tie in kind of thing, or, or can we try to figure out a way to actually just blow the relationship up and rebuild it in a new way?


00:38:37:01 - 00:39:03:00

Scott

This is kind of the way that we've. Yeah, figured we can blow it up, but I think I'm, you know, we're both very realistic that it might not work out that way. It might be. You know what? We're actually way better right now. Separate. And we were before. And so that's been and that's just been an interesting it's just been an interesting dynamic to talk through because we've talked a lot about it.


00:39:03:02 - 00:39:25:09

Scott

And you know, for for now, the next few months, we still live with each other. We live in our home. And it's, it's just been, but it's also been fun to help plan. She's helping me find, you know, apartments and stuff. So she's like, oh, you'll love this. You know, this is this is the spot. And, you know, it's like some of my new needs that I figured out.


00:39:25:09 - 00:39:29:01

Scott

Like, I need to cook of things.


00:39:29:03 - 00:39:30:16

Luna

I love cooking.


00:39:30:18 - 00:39:41:14

Scott

I love that I never really ever threw it into the needs. It was always a like, oh, this is a really nice to have. But now that it's like, we're putting that in the needs category, it's like.


00:39:41:16 - 00:40:01:16

Luna

Oh wait, how did you discover that? Because for me, it's like meditation shopping. It's also when I'm definitely not in screens, I get to listen to podcasts. You know, I'm nourishing myself usually, but I love cooking for other people. But, you know, I'm also not a chef. My sister is the chef. But like, I love to cook for her and I'm good at textures, but like, how did you discover that that other need.


00:40:01:18 - 00:40:24:11

Scott

Again, I think just that mind shift, that mindset shift of like I never saw it as a need before. I wonder what happens if I conceptualize it as a need now and just, just that level of just that level of shift and realizing, oh, you know what? I can actually just go cook. It's it's okay if I just it's like, oh God, I'm feeling kind of down and stuff like that.


00:40:24:11 - 00:40:48:17

Scott

I'm just going to go cook for like 4 or 5 people. And if anybody's out there who's just like, I don't know what to do when I don't have 4 or 5 people to cook for and you just desperately want to, I will always say at your local fire station would kill for that. And. Yeah. So so I have the opportunity where I do work as a, as a volunteer medic.


00:40:48:19 - 00:41:08:22

Scott

And, if I'm just really feeling down, honestly, I call up the duty officer at the station, go and cook for them, and they'll never turn you down. That's amazing. But it gets to be what I want. Which is I can just listen to music. I can listen, you know, I can be in my own world and I can be cooking, and then I can hand off that meal, and.


00:41:09:04 - 00:41:28:06

Scott

And I don't even have to join them in it. But it's that that hand mechanics kind of, you know, tactile feel of things. Yeah. It went from a this is a really nice to have to I know this is a need and so now when I'm looking for apartments in a new country, it's like not finding a, I need a good kitchen.


00:41:28:08 - 00:41:39:22

Scott

That's, you know, I'd rather have a good kitchen than a good bedroom. Yeah. So, yeah, because most of what I can do in the bedroom, I can do in the kitchen, depending on the person I am.


00:41:39:22 - 00:42:02:00

Luna

Very, very true. Especially for the right kind of creative, you know? And just circling back to what you said, I think, is it Esther Pearl who says, you know, a successful relationship is not measured by length of time of it being the same thing? For me, it's about, are we in relationship using the word slightly differently, or are we in connection with each other in a way that is adding value to both of our lives?


00:42:02:00 - 00:42:20:08

Luna

You know, whether we are casually dating? I think for me, the thing that's been tricky about dating and sex in my personal life lately has been finding partners who have anything to bring to the table, you know, and I've been in situations where especially dating a penis owner, no offense. It's been like, why are.


00:42:20:08 - 00:42:21:16

Scott

You looking at my cock?


00:42:21:18 - 00:42:43:02

Luna

You know, and it's like, we'll take this cheap, like, like like, no offense, but I'm incredibly skilled, incredibly knowledgeable. Also, like, I don't want to have to kind of poke someone for protection or testing or all of that stuff. So if someone can't lead that part of the conversation, can't meet me there. And that's literally all to me, it feels more like taking taking my time, taking my energy.


00:42:43:04 - 00:43:02:14

Luna

And I get so many like expectations, offers. I'm using air quotes here from people are like, right, I would take you out, but it's like they're not taking me. They're not even taking me to a basic like dinner date or like, go take me to a show or even try to talk to me. They just want to, like, come over and fuck.


00:43:02:14 - 00:43:38:05

Luna

And I'm like, well, if you want to treat me like a whore, you gotta pay me like a whore. So, okay, go fuck yourself. Like, literally go fuck yourself. Because why do we live in this casual dating culture where people don't want to add value to each other's lives? Like, that's what I'm trying to unpack right now. I'm not saying that's what you're stepping into it as a dude who's showing up with stuff to offer, I'm really curious what your experience will be like, and I'm curious if you are going to have, you know, your version of that experience, because I think that has been the trickiest part about, showing up on the internet


00:43:38:05 - 00:43:48:09

Luna

to date. I've sort of stepped away from that right now, as I try to figure out what kind of my next steps are there? Are you so you are using dating apps or do you, like go to kink events in person? Kind of like what's your.


00:43:48:11 - 00:43:51:13

Scott

What's your target kink events? You go to kink events in person.


00:43:51:15 - 00:43:56:20

Luna

Are you open to dating non kinky people or do you want to just go on like regular? You are okay I.


00:43:56:20 - 00:44:17:03

Scott

So am interested. So I so want to I yes absolutely because kink is an aspect of my life but it's not the, the sole. Yeah. The sole aspect of it. And you know, I've gotten the chance to, over the last ten years really nurture the king side. But I enjoy talking with people. I enjoy talking with patients.


00:44:17:05 - 00:44:18:20

Scott

Their their time towards kink.


00:44:18:20 - 00:44:33:03

Luna

People are talkers. And I feel like no offense to vanilla people, but I really like the communication skills. Maybe it's just that kink has more like neurodivergent people who talk about so I can understand. Sorry, but you out.


00:44:33:05 - 00:44:59:01

Scott

What are you so I that's I think that's that's totally fair. I think though that, I'm going to be moving into a much more intellectualized world. The next few years I'm is going to be in a very, very academic setting. Okay. And, and I'm really excited to, to work my brain in, in that way.


00:44:59:03 - 00:45:18:12

Scott

I, I think I, I think what I am hoping to realize and to find the, my hypothesis is, that, people are a lot more kinky than they think. They just don't apply the word kink to. Yes to the to that, you.


00:45:18:12 - 00:45:25:15

Luna

Know, those vanilla people that like some slapping, especially in the face. They love some directly. They're totally vanilla.


00:45:25:17 - 00:45:32:01

Scott

Yeah. I totally want to just have normal sex. Can you please choke me until I, like, nearly pass out? Like. Yeah. Oh.


00:45:32:03 - 00:45:52:10

Luna

It's almost like vanilla means I want to do all the naughty things so unconsciously that it's unsafe. So when people are like, you hate vanilla people, I'm like, no, I don't. Most of the sex that I have is vanilla and sensual and lovely. I simply have a requirement for safety that I find totally reasonable, that I'm trying to spread throughout the world.


00:45:52:12 - 00:45:55:11

Luna

I don't know, you know, in my own little ripple of love way.


00:45:55:13 - 00:46:23:07

Scott

Totally. And and I and I just like the idea of. People who go to kink parties are clearly not the only people who engage in kink. And I like the idea of meeting people who that would. That's just not their scene. That's just not the place that they would normally enjoy being. But that doesn't mean that they don't have this, you know, wonderfully kinky, you know, experience of me and I.


00:46:23:09 - 00:46:42:14

Scott

Yeah, they want to I want to I want to fine, I want to I want to find that out. I want to find the interesting things. And it's just and it's interesting because when I'm, you know, I was building this idea of like, oh, how, you know, I had this opportunity to kind of have a blank slate in a new place and, you know, what do I want to take with me from, you know, all of my experiences?


00:46:42:14 - 00:47:09:15

Scott

What from my experiences do I want to just leave behind a little bit? And this idea of going out on a on, you know, quote unquote casual date. That doesn't have the implication of, like, we should definitely have sex afterwards. I want to have the I want to more have that like intellectual sex with them. I want to get into their brain.


00:47:09:15 - 00:47:27:14

Scott

I want to get into their mind. I want to know, I want to, you know, get the opportunity to meet these people. And I've gone and I and I know that I can explore them sexually. That's that's, you know, I have a lot of practice with that, but I think it'd be great. It's going to be really interesting and fun to explore.


00:47:27:16 - 00:47:43:12

Scott

Explore them in that different people in that way, you know, I'm going to try to I want to try to do it without the the necessarily overt expectation of, of sex and see where that leads. On the sexual side. I don't know if that makes any sense. What are you.


00:47:43:12 - 00:47:57:02

Luna

Going to tell them ahead of time? No, I mean, this is one of the noodles that I've been having lately because I'm like, well, I really like sex, so I want to I want to be like someone who prioritizes sex and who wants to actually know more of me, because I do bring a lot to the table, you know?


00:47:57:02 - 00:48:15:15

Luna

And I've been attracting partners, and I truly didn't know until recently that there still is a stigma for a lot of people, like if you fuck on the first date, it puts you in a certain category, or it kind of like sets the relationship trajectory on a certain path. And I'm like, oh, you, you know, and for a while I'm like, well, if someone's like that, they're not my person.


00:48:15:15 - 00:48:23:03

Luna

But I've still been like giving my attention to those people. So I'm like,


00:48:23:05 - 00:48:24:08

Scott



00:48:24:10 - 00:48:27:00

Luna

Wait a second.


00:48:27:02 - 00:48:32:01

Scott

I am trying to go into this as wide open eyes as possible.


00:48:32:03 - 00:48:40:00

Luna

But are you communicating about it explicitly with partners in terms of like, I'm not looking to fuck on the first date, I'm really looking for the human connection.


00:48:40:01 - 00:48:41:23

Scott

Yeah, I think I'll have to.


00:48:42:01 - 00:49:16:17

Luna

Because also, you know, it's a it's an interesting category because many of the people who I have spoken with or interacted with, if they're on that vibe, they then are looking for a relationship escalator type of situation. And so I'm like, wait, sorry, I'm pretty happy in my own life. If we hit it off great and we like are going to like wow each other to the next level of our existences, maybe we could talk about life integration, but like, I actually just want deep connection on a number of levels without like having a baby in the future.


00:49:16:17 - 00:49:34:03

Luna

Unless someone wants to take me up on my marriage project idea. Six weeks to start, up to six months to start. And then if we want to like, you know, like where we're working on a specific project where like finances are, they're giving them to me and they're supporting my artist lifestyle, and they're very obsessed with that. Like, that's the type of marriage that I would consider otherwise.


00:49:34:03 - 00:49:49:10

Luna

It totally seems batshit crazy. And I know like one handful of people who are very happy, but I'm like, I'm not looking to, like, enmeshed my life and turn myself into a domestic servant. Unless that's the negotiated dynamic and everything is in balance. You know what I'm saying?


00:49:49:12 - 00:50:07:03

Scott

Yeah. And I think that. Yes, totally. And I think for what I want is, is for there to be this I want it to be a casual aspect of this. But I don't, I don't, I say I don't particularly enjoy casual sex. I very much do and have in the past.


00:50:07:05 - 00:50:25:07

Luna

But what is your definition of casual here? Because I know a lot of people are like, yeah, yeah, we're just casual. And I'm like, you just told me your whole life, this little dreams and fears, so casual means that you don't want to invest in you. Casual means you want to pop out as soon as you decide. Like, what does it mean to you?


00:50:25:09 - 00:50:39:01

Scott

Casual sex is to be like, oh, I met somebody really, really cool, like confessed. And we hit it off and we know that we're never going to, you know, we live in different parts of the country. We'll probably never really interact again. But in this moment and stuff like, yeah, let's, let's, you know.


00:50:39:06 - 00:51:04:19

Luna

But is it casual? Because oftentimes, I mean, I don't know, maybe your kink experience is different, but I feel like most of the kink experiences I've had have led to like at least deep intimacy, even if it's not ongoing. So it's like, you know, maybe it's a comment and maybe we are not hopping on an escalator. But like for me, when there's deep intimacy and like, we're getting to know our personal bit, is that casual?


00:51:04:21 - 00:51:07:06

Luna

I guess so, no, I guess we yeah.


00:51:07:06 - 00:51:13:16

Scott

I don't think that. I don't think that is necessarily casual. I think I think as with most things, we need some definitions.


00:51:13:18 - 00:51:20:00

Luna

I always do well. And this is why I'm like in a struggle zone, even though I'm, you know, all the wonderful things I am.


00:51:20:02 - 00:51:53:09

Scott

Yeah. No totally. I for me, casual has always been a like I don't necessarily I know casual I think for me implies that I know one aspect of you, but not necessarily a lot of other parts. And there's no, requirement for the relationship to be good, especially short term, that I know all of those parts. Like there are a lot of people who have after who have been with me, who have absolutely no idea what it is that I do in the day to day.


00:51:53:11 - 00:51:58:11

Luna

Okay. So casual is a very small, tight relationship container.


00:51:58:13 - 00:52:22:23

Scott

Correct. And I think it is still a relationship and I still think it should definitely be. Yeah. And I think it should maintain all the aspects of what is important. Who is a quote unquote good relationship, which is positive benefit for both parties without the expense of another one. And then I want this to be. I don't know.


00:52:23:00 - 00:52:40:00

Luna

I mean, we never really do. Right? Yeah. But I know I do. I love just drawing the attention that I'm not like asking you to account for yourself. And I'm going to, like, check up with you, like I did about Jabari. And we talk about, like, you know, I'm just curious because this is what I'm navigating to in a completely different circumstance, but in many ways very similar, right?


00:52:40:01 - 00:52:58:11

Scott

Yeah. I like the idea in my head right now. And again, I'm very, very open to my head being wrong or changing. I like the idea of having a couple people because I don't want to feel reliant upon one person.


00:52:58:13 - 00:52:59:09

Luna



00:52:59:11 - 00:53:05:09

Scott

But a couple people who I could say, yeah, the poly side of me, I got


00:53:05:11 - 00:53:10:18

Luna

I've never been able to pick one favorite anything. It's an impossible question.


00:53:10:20 - 00:53:29:08

Scott

I think I hey there's, you know, I really want to go to this play. How am I really enjoying the art. And I get to explore a fantastically artistic part of the world that I'm going to be heading to. I want to go and explore that with somebody, and it's like, I should have. I want somebody who's like my theater person.


00:53:29:11 - 00:53:30:22

Scott

Yeah, and.


00:53:31:00 - 00:53:44:14

Luna

In person you can touch, you can eat a dinner with them. You could cook a dinner for them, maybe somebody does like a dinner for you. Maybe you'll cook a dinner together someday, and maybe you will or won't suck in the kitchen sensually, in vanilla ish or in a diner.


00:53:44:16 - 00:54:03:14

Scott

That's what I am. And and if they're not around, it's like, okay, well, that's not a, that's not a problem. I, you know, I want to go to this other thing and, and oh, you know, this one person would really not want to do that, but there's somebody else who could do that. It's like, hey, come with me to, you know, this, this dinner workshop kind of a thing.


00:54:03:14 - 00:54:13:04

Scott

And we're going to go and do this and, there's no expectation that you come home with me, you know, if we hit it off, if you'd like to. Great. Have been wonderful.


00:54:13:05 - 00:54:15:14

Luna

I'm feeling up to it.


00:54:15:16 - 00:54:46:23

Scott

Yeah. And then know that, like, you know, if nothing sexual happens, it's like, great. That's wonderful. There's another show in a two weeks. You and I should definitely go to that. If you had a really good time with me and I had a really good time with you then, then let's let's go for it. And I say all that with the absolute already having that and figure it out, like all of the kinky spaces of where I'm going to be going and being like, yeah, I'm definitely going there because I'm definitely going to need that need met.


00:54:47:00 - 00:55:09:18

Scott

Yeah. But, you know, for a while that's kind of been the only need that I've been really pursuing. And so I'm just trying I'm going to try to pursue the needs that I have come to realize I, I've changed in the last year and just see what happens, you know, is it can be a colossal failure. And I can't wait to tell you.


00:55:09:18 - 00:55:29:09

Luna

Oh, no. Well, I want to talk about this word failure. Right. Because as I'm interviewing you right now, I'm in the midst of, like, several of my own perceived failures. But it's like, what's our definition of success? You know? So I hope that you can allow the exploration itself to be a success, regardless of how satisfying the outcome is.


00:55:29:09 - 00:55:47:14

Luna

And we can continue to noodle and be our own scientists about, you know, what will make our experiences better because our needs do deserve to be met. And and I really am applauding anyone who's going out of their comfort zone in an effort to make life something that is satisfying and full of connection in ways that are nourishing.


00:55:47:14 - 00:56:07:05

Luna

And it sounds like you're really doing that, and I'm fucking applauding you here, and I hope you come back and tell us about it, no matter what. To the degree that you're comfy in divine timing, I always dress to divine timing. So to wrap up, I would love to hear how are you spreading ripples of love in the world right now?


00:56:07:07 - 00:56:09:19

Luna

And or how do you want to spread them?


00:56:09:21 - 00:56:14:21

Scott

You know, my day to day I work in medicine and I hope that that spreads.


00:56:14:21 - 00:56:20:01

Luna

Rebels that are big stones. Splash! That's definitely going to spread the ripples.


00:56:20:03 - 00:57:08:16

Scott

Yeah, yeah I, I you know I hope that there I'm, I'm hoping that I will meet someone or a couple of people who are just like, utterly fed up with the current with, with their, you know, dating situation. What, you know, just, they've been in the same pool for a while and, and I hope that if I can, in my pursuit of my of the experience that I'm looking for, that there might be an influence on a couple of people who can then look back and say, yeah, it's not all bad.


00:57:08:18 - 00:57:32:22

Scott

There was this really cool dude who I who I dated for like a month, and it was just good. He treated me well. I got I just, I enjoyed it, I had to explore some new things and and when it ended, I just was not sad. I wasn't wishing it had gone on longer. It was just the perfect amount of what I needed at the time.


00:57:33:00 - 00:57:54:06

Scott

And. I think because of the medicine side of my life, there are times where you just, you just need a medical provider for whatever it is, whether it's a put a Band-Aid on or just to be able to say, I'm frustrated with my body while I manage this sickness.


00:57:54:07 - 00:57:55:06

Luna



00:57:55:08 - 00:58:18:10

Scott

And it's just those small moments in you, and you leave, you know, the patient leaves and they think, you know, they're not like that. That was a life changing conversation I just had with my provider. But they go, you know what that was? That was good. Yeah, that was good. I enjoyed that that that made me feel better, you know, mentally, physically.


00:58:18:12 - 00:58:30:05

Scott

And so I just hope that when, you know, when I play with people, you know, when I try this new almost not playing dynamic, that.


00:58:30:05 - 00:58:32:12

Luna

It's just a different type of playing.


00:58:32:13 - 00:58:54:21

Scott

It is. Yeah, exactly. It's a different type of play that they'll just come out of it and go, yeah, that was nice. That was a good experience. That was a that was a I feel good about that. That was nice. And I think if I could achieve that, I have just literally jumped the moon with, with what I could do.


00:58:54:23 - 00:59:01:15

Luna

Jennifer Scott, thank you for coming back and giving us your updates on X stories.


00:59:01:17 - 00:59:03:23

Scott

You are so welcome. Thank you so much for having me back.

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