Cuckqueening With Intimacy: Immy’s Update
- Luna Robbie
- Oct 1, 2024
- 38 min read
24 bisexual cis woman, non-monogamous, cuckqueen, artist, content creator, into: throuples, bratty roleplay, vanilla sex
🔗 IMMY LINKS | @KillYourInnerLoser / immy@killyourinnerloser.com
00:00:00:04 - 00:00:20:15
Luna
And our guest today is a 24 year old woman who has been in an open relationship for six years with her partner, and they have been dating a woman together for the last almost two years. She is an artist and content creator who is now into bratty role play cook cleaning, which I'm so excited to hear about. And occasionally some good old vanilla sex.
00:00:20:16 - 00:00:40:11
Luna
Originally from episode 127 kink and three some wisdom. Welcome back Emmy. Hi, how are you? I am awesome and I'm so excited to have you here because it's been just about three years, almost since we've talked. So tell us what's been going on. You have some juicy updates, it sounds like.
00:00:40:13 - 00:01:08:12
Immy
Yeah. Oh, all sorts of things. And it's funny actually, because, prior to booking this in, it said like, find the episode that you're actually in, and I was scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. I was like, oh my God, it's very far down. I know that, yes, it's been a while. And when we last spoke, I was with and my partner, and I've got four minutes of him to talk about anything or is very open about ourselves and our relationship online anyway, that it's.
00:01:08:14 - 00:01:14:22
Immy
Yes, we just passed six years in our relationship today. Oh not today. Sorry. It's like a few weeks ago. Okay.
00:01:15:00 - 00:01:17:11
Luna
The anniversary.
00:01:17:13 - 00:01:48:03
Immy
And we've been dating somebody for almost two years now, which is a longer sustainability together. And I think over the years it's just been a massive evolution in our relationship and the dynamic and a comfort level with. And you mentioned the co-creating and I think that's only been possible because of the security in my relationship. Now, what we've kind of built and how that of, of the family now for some things have become more kinky in some ways.
00:01:48:05 - 00:02:00:20
Immy
I've also been able to embrace more vanilla, more intimacy, kind of exploring things along lines of tantra. And so it's been growing in, in multiple directions, I guess.
00:02:00:22 - 00:02:16:16
Luna
Amazing, amazing. I'm so excited to hear details. Where do you want to start? Like, I would love to hear. I mean, people are always like, you're so kinky, what about vanilla stuff? I'm like, I love vanilla stuff too of it's sensual. Like, do you want to start with kind of the intimate bits?
00:02:16:18 - 00:02:40:15
Immy
Yeah, definitely. Which is so funny because when I, I first started having sex, even like when I lost my virginity, I was watching a lot of porn and reading a lot of Veronica and all of that was very, very, very kinky. And so my first introduction to vanilla sex, in contrast to what I guess I found myself naturally gravitating towards, I was like, oh, this is a bit boring.
00:02:40:17 - 00:02:54:06
Immy
Like I just was not into it. And this was with partners that like the relationship was very casual at the time. And so I was exploring the gentle stuff, but with people that maybe I wasn't super emotionally connected to.
00:02:54:07 - 00:02:54:19
Luna
Yeah.
00:02:54:21 - 00:03:18:08
Immy
And I think that has been the massive difference. I think now being in a relationship, it it's not, it's not that long, but six years, you kind of go through these evolutions and sometimes things get in the way and you need to come back to one another and, and especially I find that even more so when you are involving other people into the mix, like having one another.
00:03:18:09 - 00:03:45:15
Immy
Like I wouldn't necessarily call this aspect primary partners. Yeah. Making each other feel important. I think that intimacy has been like a huge thing. And what that's looked like, quite honestly, just having time staring into one another's eyes. And a lot of stuff, comes up as a result that I'm about sexual or emotional or just connecting with another person, just coming back to that.
00:03:45:15 - 00:04:14:15
Immy
So I think we get caught up in the work and the day to day and you maybe don't realize that you don't actually necessarily take time to like, stop and sit and breathe and really just connect with another person on that level. And I think adding that into that and any sort of intimate time has had a surprisingly profound effect on on the relationship and connecting with one another.
00:04:14:17 - 00:04:32:06
Luna
Yeah. Is that something that just naturally evolved for the two of you, or was there a moment where you guys were like, hey, babes, like, let's, I want to talk to you more? It sounds like there is talking is part of the connecting and part of the intimacy. I'm like, or am I projecting that, like, yes, staring into the air, like the emotions, right?
00:04:32:06 - 00:04:33:18
Luna
Like like talking.
00:04:33:18 - 00:05:03:21
Immy
Talking hundred percent. Yeah, yeah. Lots and lots and lots of time. That's, I think part of who we are as people. But yeah, yes, it was this point like it was something that we would do occasionally earlier in the relationship, like really getting to know someone. And I think that can be really special, connecting with somebody for the first time, when you like looking to somebody dies and you feel like you're seeing the person for, for the first time and falling in love and or all of that good stuff.
00:05:03:23 - 00:05:30:00
Immy
But especially over the last six months, has been a sense of like, the business and finances and everything have taken the front seat for a while. And funnily enough, we're more actively dating again. And I, we're actually having a conversation on the fact that I feel some unanswered that which was interesting because for years and years and years, I've just had no issues, with dating or seeing other people.
00:05:30:00 - 00:05:50:18
Immy
And it's been something that I've looked forward to. And it's been a long time like since the first couple of years where I was like feeling any sort of insecurity or jealousy. I was like, oh, where it's coming from? And we talked about it as you might have guessed, and it was coming from a sense of like, I, I don't feel like we're connecting with each other first.
00:05:50:20 - 00:06:16:10
Immy
And so something inside me feels uncomfortable with the fact that we're wanting to give all of this sexual energy to other people when we haven't really connected with each other. What feels like in a deep way in quite a while. Yeah. So it was about having intentional time. And we have like once a week we'll do a I guess it's like we call it our couples day.
00:06:16:10 - 00:06:34:05
Immy
We call it out check in day where we got a bunch of questions, where we check in with each other, we spend the day together. It's every Monday, like, it's like a sacred day. Like we never put anything on Mondays. And one of. Yeah, it's something that we've been doing for years and years now and something that we've a new question that we've recently added.
00:06:34:07 - 00:06:50:11
Immy
Do we have at least three moments of in an intimate time throughout the week where we just looked into each other's eyes and just kind of it's not homework, but it's just a nice reminder that's incorporated into a day to day or a week.
00:06:50:13 - 00:07:22:04
Luna
That's beautiful. It's so interesting. I feel like right now, in all the conversations that I'm having with people, a theme is actually I want to connect, I want to connect, I want to connect. And I think oftentimes when people are reflecting to me and like audience, you know, people I don't have a personal relationship with, I think the cancellation between like kink and vanilla is I'm just not into casual sex because I like the deep conversation and I want to know who I'm talking to, even if it's a connection that, like you said, maybe it's a fleeting kind of date or something.
00:07:22:04 - 00:07:41:19
Luna
That's not not necessarily with my partner. I haven't had a partner of six years and never actually ever. I've never made it to six years yet. So. Wow. But I think it's, it's that deeper connection and and having it go in an ongoing way is so beautiful in your connection. Mondays. I call them connection Monday. Sorry.
00:07:41:19 - 00:07:44:09
Luna
What do you call them?
00:07:44:11 - 00:07:45:13
Immy
Weekly check in.
00:07:45:15 - 00:07:55:11
Luna
Okay. And your weekly check ins on Mondays. Does it start with conversation? Do you plan a day? Do you sort of like, let let it go wherever it goes? And does it also include sex?
00:07:55:13 - 00:08:18:15
Immy
It's very free flowing. So sometimes it will include sex. Sometimes we'll plan like fun activities or adding. So like a little mini road trip, like go somewhere, go for a drive somewhere. And sometimes we just walk around all day and we tend to get tons of steps in on that day. It's usually a lot of walking because we live somewhere where it can get really hot in the summer, and it's hard to go out during the day.
00:08:18:17 - 00:08:28:00
Immy
Sometimes we'll just like, do a puzzle or go to the movies, or the part of that is throughout the day will also kind of tick off the the questions on, on, off the list that we have.
00:08:28:03 - 00:08:45:21
Luna
That's beautiful. Okay, I would love to hear about cock cleaning and just and also like how cute what it's been like. We'll do call you the the woman that you're dating or girlfriend or is it just like an ongoing play friend. Like what is the kind of configuration or how do you organize it in your brain or heart or wherever you put it?
00:08:45:23 - 00:09:14:16
Immy
It's funny. I've, I've asked myself that question like, is there a label like girlfriend or cat girl that we're seeing a woman that we're seeing feels quite, until sometimes. But that's that's kind of how it's how it's been labeled. And like, she's just met, like most of my friends and everything like that. And I'm like, oh, this is just like, insert her name and they're like, oh, like, it doesn't necessarily feel like it's essential to introduce her as somebody in relation to match, like this person that I know.
00:09:14:16 - 00:09:33:20
Immy
And I've got a lot, a lot of love for her. And then often people be like, oh, how do you know each other? And then I'll be like, oh, Andy and I were dating, and have been for a little while now. And it's it's just that, I guess without without a label. Yeah. So she is the only, I guess.
00:09:33:20 - 00:10:04:03
Immy
Yeah. The only partner that we've actually kind of explored the idea of cleaning and I think that's only really been possible for me because I feel so comfortable around her. And she's such a, like a loving, sweet person. And there's a lot of like, safety and security in that. And so when I see her with Andy and they're having sex together and they're in a lot of pleasure, and sometimes they do like to get it out about me to some extent, because they're lost in the moment.
00:10:04:03 - 00:10:29:02
Immy
I, I can just love that and actually have the freedom to be turned on by that. And enjoy that, because I feel a lot of trust and, and safety around those, those two people. And I guess the exception just in the relationship, in the situation that I mean, there's because it's funny actually, I feel like I've come such a long way because in the first couple of years, because this is my first long term relationship.
00:10:29:02 - 00:10:56:16
Immy
So this could only and so this relationship being an open one, there was a lot to navigate, a lot of feelings and jealousy and insecurity and I think a lot of the things people might expect would come up going into open relationship. And there was no way in which I could possibly picture that, you know, five, six years down the track, that that's something that I could actually enjoy and be peaceful around.
00:10:56:17 - 00:11:35:10
Immy
Really, it was it was never something like in the early days that I was into, it was just way too many. Kind of like got feelings around it, almost like the sense of, like my partner's cheating on me in front of me. Like it was those sort of feelings coming up. But I think the shift is because there's been that trust I'm actually able to find so much pleasure and I think embrace the other fun or kinky aspects of it, too, like the I don't know if you call it degradation, but I think maybe there's elements of like degradation, humiliation, and then the power dynamics there of like it's very taboo and like, my
00:11:35:10 - 00:11:50:19
Immy
man is like fucking another woman. And like, those are the kind of fantasies that play out while I am watching. And it's like it is a humiliation around it that kind of get in that very submissive and also very turned on sort of guys.
00:11:50:21 - 00:12:10:03
Luna
I totally get it. So I to share about myself a little bit, like I've only had one experience and I was like being a cook slut, I guess technically too, because I also was like, but it's like, is it? They called me a cook slut. I was playing with a couple that was very kinky and called me a cock slut, but it was that was different because I'm like, well, you're not.
00:12:10:03 - 00:12:30:12
Luna
Mine seemed opposite to me. But when I was with my former dominant partner, like my first Dom there, one of the times that we had another lady friend come play with us like we had the fantasy. And I was so early on in my own kink journey that I didn't even know. I didn't even know the term cook in relationship to like, I didn't know the cook, sluts or cut queens.
00:12:30:12 - 00:12:44:17
Luna
I only knew like regular cuckold, like with dude, you know, with penis owners. And so I was like, yeah, yeah, you could put me in my cage and I won't be allowed out of it, and I'll just touch myself, but I won't be allowed to come and I'll just watch you fucker like. And I was like, so excited.
00:12:44:22 - 00:13:01:12
Luna
And then I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, and and it turned me on so much unfortunately like the container of that night. And that relationship was ruined when like the end of the night, like didn't uphold the agreement. And I was like, now she goes home and we reconnected. He was like, oh, I said I'd drive her home.
00:13:01:12 - 00:13:25:11
Luna
And I'm like, like, I get her a lift. You're supposed to. That's not what we agreed. Fuck you. You know, like so that kind of like, you know, anything, but, but I just remember being so aroused, and I have not yet found a partner to create that sort of container that would allow for it. Can you speak to the parts that, like, you know, you talked a little bit about something like this fantasy happening in your head, but like, specifically like where, like, are you on the bed?
00:13:25:11 - 00:13:38:11
Luna
Do you have like a cook chair? Are you is a different configurations? Have you ever been in a closet listening like what? Or like like what have you enjoyed and or what else do you fantasize about in relationship to Queen?
00:13:38:13 - 00:13:47:21
Immy
I think it's funny you mentioned in like the in, in the closet listening. It's it's all the things that I, I definitely like to try. That sounds like a, it's a fun one.
00:13:48:00 - 00:14:03:13
Luna
And I would watch the video of like, you like listening. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if you're like, because somebody somebody asked me that about that, like, content wise. And I was like, I just need to find the partner. But like, yeah, like, I like having a little peep. Like a little crack. You can look through.
00:14:03:15 - 00:14:20:21
Immy
To the way in which I explore it so far is that I'm just on the bed with them. They're okay. And I, I still very much enjoy playing with myself. I think that kind of like what makes it fun for me. So usually I'll have a vibrator or some sort of toy or I'm just touching myself kind of getting turned on by it.
00:14:20:21 - 00:14:30:20
Immy
I think that's part of the fantasy for me. In a way. There is almost like that, that dynamic shift of like, they're performing for me now and like, I'm getting off to them. Oh.
00:14:30:22 - 00:14:34:01
Luna
Like private show. That's odd.
00:14:34:03 - 00:14:51:07
Immy
Yeah, it's it's funny, like the the fantasies or the this kind of story that I'm playing at my head is such a big part of, like what? What gets me going and that can shift between dominant and submissive in my own head sometimes, like in the sensation, like for ten minutes, I'll be kind of in a submissive mindset.
00:14:51:07 - 00:15:17:14
Immy
And then I kind of put myself in a dominant mindset and half of the time, and, and I'm the girl that we're dating, like, not necessarily knowing what's going on inside my head, only that I'm quite turned on and and visibly shy about. Yeah, yeah. But generally speaking it's I'm on the bed, they're playing together. And there was one time in the living room where we were set up, there were kind of couches facing opposite each other, so I was on one couch and they were having sex on the other or playing on the other.
00:15:17:14 - 00:15:30:14
Immy
And so that's kind of been the setup thus far, but would very much like to experiment with other arrangements and like having a chair like we have this, we.
00:15:30:16 - 00:15:34:23
Luna
I want, I want the cat queen to sit in a throne.
00:15:35:01 - 00:15:56:21
Immy
Definitely a good name for it. And we've also spoken about, Andy being the one to watch me and another girl play together as well, so that we're always kind of adding we have a sexual bucket list, that we actually created when we met one another years and years and years ago. And every now and then we kind of just keep adding little bits and pieces to them, like, oh, should we try something different?
00:15:56:21 - 00:16:13:07
Immy
Or is it something we'd like to explore? Or I'm kind of go through the list and it's it's actually funny. It's like, reading a diary from when you were younger that like, you can kind of see how things evolve and things that you might have written like 4 or 5 years ago. You're like, it feels like it's sometimes coming from a different person.
00:16:13:07 - 00:16:16:22
Immy
It's fun to kind of look back on and reflect upon it.
00:16:16:22 - 00:16:41:06
Luna
Yeah. Oh, wow. That's so cool. Okay, anything else to say clockwise or just or just grow your dating wise? Like, how has it been to have such consistency and like because you're also, as you two are forming this close long term relationship like this is now kind of I mean, even if it's not the same depth, a long term relationship with this other person, you know, try a dynamic.
00:16:41:08 - 00:17:01:09
Immy
I think something and, and actually say one of the lies that we have learned so much from her, and it's interesting that she might express the same thing to us sometimes about honesty and communication and what looking like being in a healthy relationship might look like having, I guess, like a third party as part of your relationship for quite a while now.
00:17:01:11 - 00:17:23:15
Immy
Inevitably, there's been a lot of opening up and a lot of trust because I think initially, when Andy and I have been seeing other women, it's it's been a case in which it's more of a sexual thing and it's not exclusively to the bedroom, like like grab a coffee, go for a walk, hang out a little bit that it doesn't feel like it gets to a deep, deep level.
00:17:23:17 - 00:17:41:04
Immy
Just because I guess it's not been the time for that to be the case. But now, like, there's been days where I've just, like, not been in the mood or not being in a good place or just, like, been having a bad day and opening up about that sort of stuff. It's been, I guess, a little bit.
00:17:41:06 - 00:18:05:01
Immy
It's been scary and it's a quite a, I think, especially for me as a bit of vulnerability. I think because I've had many conversations about it with Andy and I, together, that I put pressure on myself to present the image of a united front. As a couple, I, I've never wanted to, you know, be the couple that kind of trying to hold it together.
00:18:05:01 - 00:18:19:05
Immy
And the introducing the third person to the relationship is actually like it's a death sentence. Like I, you know, you hear stories about that of like one person wanting to open up the relationship to try and save it, but actually that just kind of one excuse to cheat, so to speak.
00:18:19:07 - 00:18:28:14
Luna
And as the third coming in, it's terrible. And I quit, like as soon as I walk in, I'm like, no, I'm just.
00:18:28:16 - 00:19:06:16
Immy
Yeah. And it's exactly that. I've never wanted to, I guess, give that experience to another person. And so there's been a balance between like being in a good place in the relationship and then bring other people to add to that, that good energy. But also sometimes you're not going to have especially over to you. You're not going to have good days sometimes, and you might be in the middle of like discussing things just and you and I, and there's actually been a few instances where, the girl was saying, like, she stayed over and we like and, you know, I have decided to talk through some stuff that we're going through while she's there, and
00:19:06:16 - 00:19:23:06
Immy
she kind of fits in on that. And obviously, like, we're not just talking to each other and she's just there witnessing that. It's we're kind of involved in the conversation a little bit, even though it's it's mostly regarding awesome, you know, afterwards, even though that's been quite scary. And sometimes I just have always had an idea like, let's, let's just do this later.
00:19:23:08 - 00:19:53:18
Immy
Yeah. We've broken the fourth wall and kind of said, like, actually, this is something that we're talking through at the moment. Like, would you like to be here while while we talk through this, I kind of listen to this like, are you can we have this conversation while you're here? And she's always just, like, such a lovely, open minded, sweet, accepting person which has made it so easy to open up and to continue being vulnerable and and have that connection.
00:19:53:20 - 00:20:10:09
Luna
That's beautiful. And the dynamic between the three of you. Like, at what point did you feel you had enough trust all around to start exploring what sounds like is a tender new dynamic for you with the cat? Queenie? It was probably.
00:20:10:11 - 00:20:31:00
Immy
Maybe about 6 to 9 months in. I think around that point, it was actually it felt like a pivotal day where we planned to meet one another, and on the drive they were going to pick her up and I was just not in a good mood, and I was having a bit of a cry on the way there.
00:20:31:02 - 00:20:47:02
Immy
And I had kind of parks and was like, read message and like how we're going to be like ten minutes late. And I was having a bit of a cry and it's like, I don't know if I can do this today. Like I feel this pressure to present a certain image of myself. I'm not feeling sexual, feeling sad, and I don't feel that connected to Andy.
00:20:47:02 - 00:21:02:09
Immy
And I don't know if I can bring another person in right now. And contact she, she's about an hour away, by car. And so she traveled on the train about an hour and a half to come see us. We're going to pick up at the station and we're like, oh, we'll just be ten minutes. As I was, like, figuring this out.
00:21:02:09 - 00:21:26:05
Immy
And that ten minutes dragged on to 20, 30, 40. And she was waiting for that 50 minutes. And he was kind of texting her while I was having this moment and wrenching what to do, because, again, I think I put a lot of pressure on myself and that makes it harder to hide it, to actually then just kind of let go and either be okay with your feelings or like make a decision.
00:21:26:07 - 00:21:46:07
Immy
And eventually we decided that Andy was just going to hang out with her for the day, and I was just going to go and have a day to myself, but about five minutes. And I was like, you know what? Actually, I'm going to go and see her, see them, and we can spend the day together, like not being sexual and just hanging out.
00:21:46:09 - 00:22:07:08
Immy
And when I saw her, she actually had a birthday present. And that kind of was like the best thing that like, for me, I started crying and I gave her a hug and she was just so sweet and accepting and saying, it's like, that was the first time that I was really vulnerable. And I think I'd let another girl that we're dating say that.
00:22:07:08 - 00:22:29:13
Immy
And then from there, I felt like there was more safety and more of an ability to open up and trust. And from there, like she will sometimes see Andy on her own, like, especially on trips. Interstate quite a lot. And so I'll just see one another together, which is another thing that I've never really done or haven't done in years and years and years.
00:22:29:18 - 00:22:42:05
Immy
Started that relationship, and I'll spend time with her on my own. And I think it's just been a series of moments where this gradually being more just more vulnerability and I guess a bit of a connection there with.
00:22:42:07 - 00:22:52:20
Luna
With everyone that's so beautiful. Wow. So you guys are also, like you said, dating again like other new people to.
00:22:52:22 - 00:23:15:15
Immy
Yeah. Over the like it's been, I guess steadily ramped up maybe since the start of the year. But because we basically went about a year and I came into this year like I been thinking for a while now, but recently we've explored the idea of dating again and kind of got in contact with people and tried a few bits and pieces with them, with other people.
00:23:15:15 - 00:23:44:12
Immy
And that's been that's been interesting, too, I guess, because after seeing only one person, one other person for so long, it feels like a weird sort of not monogamy, but kind of feels that way. And then to like, going to see other people, it felt like we had to kind of re have that conversation with the other thing and be like, hey, we're actually thinking about seeing other people again.
00:23:44:12 - 00:24:03:05
Immy
Like, you've always known that, like we said very, very early on, that like that's kind of generally the intention and that's something that we like to do. And having those conversations all over again, and like just was absolutely fine and just very on board and understanding. I was just like, hope you guys have fun. And we've always said the same.
00:24:03:05 - 00:24:24:16
Immy
Like, if you want to go off and see other people and do your thing, like, sounds great. Just like, let us know that you're not wearing protection and we'll stop kind of all making sure that we're using protection of one another again, like just as almost everyone safe about it. Have fun. Basically, that's I guess, figuring all that out, dating new people, managing time as well.
00:24:24:18 - 00:24:26:06
Luna
Just because there's only so.
00:24:26:08 - 00:24:55:09
Immy
There's only so many people that you can kind of yeah. Introduce into your life. Well, like also having a work friend like hobby. Totally. Because it does actually start becoming, a scheduling and trying to trying to fit things in while also feeling like and I think that's a big thing for me, I think because mine and then I've had discussions about it recently, but I think my capacity to see multiple people is probably small.
00:24:55:09 - 00:25:21:13
Immy
And yet I think I have just have a small, social battery. I see my friends maybe a bit more infrequently than some just because I like my solo time. I'll just like one more time with another person. Yeah, as soon as that number gets bigger and bigger and bigger, I find it more draining rather than restorative. So part of that conversation has actually been managing like how many people like, what is that threshold for?
00:25:21:13 - 00:25:37:02
Immy
How many people are willing to see it? Like it's how deep each connection is going, obviously, without forcing things and trying to put things in a box, like letting things play out in their in their natural way. With that, while also managing, I guess, around boundaries.
00:25:37:04 - 00:25:58:20
Luna
Yeah, it's a complex social dynamic, something I've been thinking about a lot, you know, because it's people are nice, novelty is great. And then it's like, how many puzzle pieces do I add? And then the depth you can't always know from the beginning, you know, and like, I totally I totally get that. What is exciting to you about new connections or like, what is the part that does light you up?
00:25:58:22 - 00:26:16:20
Immy
I guess, as I maybe I'm gonna make a sweeping statement here. But like as humans, I think we lack novelty or a lot of us like old and new things and and things that are exciting. You do something new for the first time. You're like, wow, this is fun. And even as somebody who's not, I wouldn't call myself a super social person.
00:26:16:22 - 00:26:50:02
Immy
I very much appreciate and get a real kick out of this. New connections with people. And that doesn't have to be super often, but it can be really exciting and nice to just like, learn about someone, especially when you're then adding in that extra layer of like sexuality and intimacy, like understanding or seeing how somebody else's body works and seeing what turns them on and finding somebody else's specific, like pleasure points and things that they like.
00:26:50:02 - 00:27:11:06
Immy
So everybody is so, so, so different. And. That, that, that in itself is really fun. And sometimes it's also humbling and like in such a good way because you like, you get to know a couple of people quite well and you feel like you're able to give them pleasure and know what to do. And then there's somebody that might be completely different.
00:27:11:06 - 00:27:23:01
Immy
And there's almost that that learning lesson again and again. I'm like, yeah, every person is like their own, I think, almost like you see people like they're puzzle to unlock. That in itself is a fun sort of experience.
00:27:23:03 - 00:27:40:04
Luna
Yeah, I think I think you hit the nail on the head there. For me, it's like I love new people because all the assumptions go out the window. I mean, I don't always receive this from partners. And so then I have to sort of like practice my deafness at retraining and sort of thing like, no, no, no, not like that.
00:27:40:04 - 00:27:55:12
Luna
You know, like I'm really practicing my social skills. But, you know, I think what I enjoy is just like, what does this feel like to you? What does that feel like to you? What if I go like this? What are your balls like? You know, like, I like like what about your, like, you know. And that that is very gratifying.
00:27:55:12 - 00:28:18:00
Luna
Which is not to say I don't enjoy growing the connection. It's just, you know, I think, well, I don't know. I mean, you're a person who's now had an ongoing connection with with one person. It sounds like getting quite deep for quite a while. I've learned that I'm a very specific flavor that can well, I don't wanna make a story out of it, but I've had it reflected to me often that I can be quite overwhelming for people, you know?
00:28:18:00 - 00:28:34:02
Luna
And so it's it's a different kind of for me, it's a completely different experience. Right. To have that long term relationship where you have the safety and the security and you can stare into the eyeballs. Whereas like some people, if you if I look at I've had experiences in the past where I've stared at someone in the eyeballs and they were like, stop it.
00:28:34:02 - 00:28:53:09
Luna
And I'm like, oh, sorry. Okay, think too much, much too fast. Okay. Were you a brat the last time we talked? I don't I know you guys were talking about, like, teaching other people that you were with about kind of kinky dynamics and threesomes, but have you always been a brat or, like, what's your brat daddy self like these days?
00:28:53:11 - 00:29:24:18
Immy
No, not at all. Andy will lovingly make jokes sometimes, but like, at the start, I was such. Not such like a hyper submissive girl. And like that, that very much played out in like, the less fun non-sexual kind of settings where like, there are people pleasing tendencies and like saying no and just pointing to artistic validation and approval from external sources and stuff like that played out in the early days.
00:29:24:18 - 00:29:47:21
Immy
And I think Andy and I could both recognize that wasn't necessarily coming from like a fun, sexual kind of kinky dynamic. And so I think as I've become a little more confident and better at setting boundaries and being more sure of what I want, I think it's a lot easier for that to come out sexually as well, to kind of be playful and push the limits in a fun way.
00:29:47:21 - 00:30:23:11
Immy
Without that, that fear of not not being approved of or not not being the perfect good girl. Because that's kind of been my, you know, am I outside of the bedroom? You know, since I was very, very little with very much like, a rule follower wanting to be a high achieving people pleaser. And as much as I still in the bedroom love being this super sweet, affectionate girl, there's also been the fun side of being naughty and getting punished and being cheeky.
00:30:23:11 - 00:30:43:20
Immy
And I feel like just this, there's been the confidence to do so. And I think also simultaneously exploring my dominant side over the years and being able to take the lead has kind of helped the. I guess that more assertive energy that's been allowed to come out when I'm still in that submissive mindset.
00:30:43:22 - 00:30:51:17
Luna
Yeah. Yeah. What are some of the ways that you enjoy being cheeky?
00:30:51:19 - 00:31:29:16
Immy
I think a lot of the time I don't think I can ever be like intentionally cruel or unkind. I think I, I only want good vibes. Okay. But I think the cheekiness just comes from like my go to is trying to turn Andy on or anybody else on as much as possible, but kind of not letting them have it, like not having all satisfaction, like whether that body is neck or ears or like making out with him and then not letting him fuck me and like playing around with that or like riding him but going really, really, really slowly or taking big pauses.
00:31:29:18 - 00:31:47:09
Immy
We've definitely played around with like, edging for him. So like when he, like, expresses that he's going to come like, like pulling away and stopping and like to kind of try and pull me closer and try and fuck me so I can get that release that he was just about to have. That, not not letting him have it and kind of pulling away.
00:31:47:09 - 00:32:03:15
Immy
And it kind of, I guess what I love with that and maybe where, like the essence of wanting to be really comes from is that it makes him more passionate and more rough and more needy, and it's turning him on, and he needs to almost dominate me harder. And that's that's what's fun about it.
00:32:03:17 - 00:32:24:10
Luna
Totally. I am just so I've been so good for forever. And part of I'm learning that I'm more autistic than I realized. And so I always was like, I just want to not explode people. I just want to not, you know, so I have such a different relationship to the people pleasing because my whole life I was like, well, I'm going to accidentally explode someone at some point on axis.
00:32:24:11 - 00:32:41:13
Luna
So I don't know, you know? And so for me, kink and submission was like, just give me some rules so I can relax. And now that I'm increasingly comfortable with myself and of course, it's an ongoing practice, but being like, well, it's going to happen. And it's about the repair. And also if those people suck, they can explode themselves right out of my life, you know?
00:32:41:13 - 00:32:56:02
Luna
So that has opened up the space for me to like, enjoy this. But it it came about through a partner who was like, yeah, you're a naughty brat. And I was like, I'm good. What do you mean? And he's like, very naughty, naughty brat. And I was like, oh, and then I so I've been like, what can I do?
00:32:56:06 - 00:33:10:22
Luna
What? How do I be not him? What do I do? And so we've developed a game where like I get spanked and I'm not allowed to touch his cock well, while I'm getting spanked. And so now I'm like, oh, but I want to touch it until I can grab the it or like, do it or try to put my metal on.
00:33:10:22 - 00:33:25:16
Luna
He's like, no, no, no, you're just going to get that, you know, or like, no, no, no. If you break the rules then you can't have you can't have my cock while I'm spanking you or whatever, you know. And so just finding that tension. But it's, it's so funny because I'm right there with you of like all of my training is to be good.
00:33:25:18 - 00:33:49:01
Luna
And I do find it very gratifying. And I'm just like, oh, but if I try to play this other different game, it's a different kind of bad good. And then it really is satisfying to experience and kind of partake in the tension. And then I'm like, yeah, well, can you even handle me? You know? But I think because for so much of my life, most people are overwhelmed, even just with eye contact in my presence.
00:33:49:03 - 00:34:07:20
Luna
You know, it's been like it hasn't been a fun game until I can find someone powerful enough to, like, really handle me. What else have you discovered about your body and or mind in the last couple of years? Like, like, do you feel the same or orgasms the same? Like anything else? You're like noticing.
00:34:07:22 - 00:34:30:06
Immy
I think something that I've, I've definitely found is that with when it comes to the intimacy, intimacy stuff, every time, like, I guess and you know, I'm wanting to go deeper on that or even with with other women as well. For years and years like my, my relationship with my body has been like a huge point of focus and improving that.
00:34:30:08 - 00:34:52:15
Immy
I had lots of, I guess, insecurities, previous sort or thing like that. And so in showing your body to other people, it's always at least for me, it's always been this point of extreme vulnerability, and it's taken a lot of work to feel comfortable showing off. And like lots of things have have helped with that.
00:34:52:15 - 00:35:22:19
Immy
Just focusing on the self-love. I do a bit of pole dancing now and that that's about really good and like things like even like yoga, that kind of help you get in touch with yourself in your body and and feeling a lot of love for your body and what it can give you. I think with the intimacy, even more recently, it's been like, well, if someone's actually going to look at my body and take the time to touch it and pleasure it, and like, there's no hiding there and that can be a very vulnerable thing.
00:35:22:22 - 00:35:50:12
Immy
And it's funny, like even being with Andy for such a long time in the last six months, like revisiting that really deep intimacy has been like what I kind of feel some self-consciousness there, even though I know you know exactly what I look like. Yeah. And I, I guess breaking past that has been or working through that, it's meant that I can have more and more like my body.
00:35:50:12 - 00:36:19:17
Immy
And as I said, it's been a journey for me and I'm absolutely in no way at all perfect when it comes to that. There's still a lot of thoughts and stories that go around when it comes to people saying what I look like, and I think actually something that's about quite special in a way, is that Andy has himself put on some weight over the last year and focusing on money in the business, and he's kind of been working through some of that stuff as well, like some of the same stuff and self-consciousness.
00:36:19:17 - 00:36:48:09
Immy
And it's been it's own thing navigating, seeing new people, because it can be a bit easier on the people that you already feel comfortable around, people that you know exactly and, and maybe more open to your body changing a little bit because they've connected with the person that you are versus, at a shorter time or more casual connections where a lot of it is based on sexual attraction and obviously, say, looks can play a huge part in that as well as your energy.
00:36:48:09 - 00:37:18:19
Immy
And then so there's the there is nervousness when we're going on a date with a new girl. Or the thing I did was naked for the first time. There is. There can be self-consciousness there. And I think it's been I'm working on welcoming the challenges that come up with that and in each moment, giving myself love. And part of that love has been if they're not attracted to my body or they don't like my body, then that's okay.
00:37:18:21 - 00:37:39:11
Immy
Like, I can still have love and appreciation for my body, even if a particular person is not super attracted to it. And it's always like 99% of the time, other people have none of the same judgments and thoughts that you have about your own body. Like it's like it's all in your head like this. Yeah, I'm absolutely an addict.
00:37:39:11 - 00:37:49:11
Immy
Does to like, worry about the the thing that only has a 1% chance of happening like it's, you know we're are and once critics I think that's such a such a common thing.
00:37:49:13 - 00:38:09:00
Luna
To totally totally it's so funny. I had a similar or whatever in the same vein and experience recently where I was, you know, chatting with someone and we had I thought we had a good initial connection. I was like, so do you want to like, take this to the next level? He's like, well, you're really great, but you're just not you're just not my physical type.
00:38:09:02 - 00:38:21:01
Luna
You know, and his complaint was that I didn't have enough meat on my bones, and I. And he was like, I like bigger boobs, I like fuller hips. And I was like, well, you don't need to tell me the specifics. Thank you. But, like, you know, it's kind of that it was it was like, all right, right.
00:38:21:01 - 00:38:38:16
Luna
It it can go any direction, all of these things. And I'm like, that's there's someone for everyone, and not everyone is for me, and I am not for everyone. And that is okay. And so I, I told you here that what else has been bubbling up for you? Like anything else that you want to share, sexy, wise or art and or creation wise.
00:38:38:18 - 00:39:02:16
Immy
I guess creation wise, like it's, because for for context, Andy has his own YouTube channel blog. He his main job is that he offers coaching. A lot of that's around men working on sex and dating, but I think kind of laid off when you start going deeper around things like sex and telling us or you start to learn that it's about a lot more than just sex and dating.
00:39:02:16 - 00:39:07:05
Immy
It's about, yeah, yourself and all these beliefs and lots and lots of stuff. It always comes.
00:39:07:05 - 00:39:07:21
Luna
Up.
00:39:07:23 - 00:39:41:17
Immy
But I've, been making more content with him about it and, and talking about it more on the YouTube channel and things like that. And that's. It's been interesting because I've always been a part of that in some respect. But I think in every stage of the relationship, just talking more about where you are and what you're doing, it can kind of hold up a mirror to that, and it can be, and then be given your reaction.
00:39:41:17 - 00:40:06:06
Immy
I guess you might, be able to relate to that. But when you start talking about yourself and what it is that you're doing, I think sometimes you're trying to at least come across as the best version of yourself, and then you might be talking like, for us, at least a specific example, like recording a podcast or a YouTube video talking about our relationship and things we do to kind of strengthen that and build intimacy.
00:40:06:08 - 00:40:30:07
Immy
And then a week later we'll have a disagreement about something. And then the other question is, you like, am I full of shit? Like, are we just frauds? And we should not be giving anybody advice and we just suck and we know nothing about relationships. And I guess through all of that as going on and understanding of like the relationship does not have to be going perfectly to be able to give words of wisdom to other people.
00:40:30:07 - 00:40:51:07
Immy
And I think, I'm actually not I'm not involved in the coaching process, but Andy will often tell me about his clients or their feedback and then saying that, like, oh, actually sharing about our struggles or challenges or the fact that our relationship has been by no means perfect over the last six years, that that hearing that is just really, really helpful.
00:40:51:12 - 00:40:58:10
Immy
And there's a lot to be gained from all of the things that that are on the highlight reel.
00:40:58:12 - 00:41:31:01
Luna
Yeah. Well, and I know that me personally, if I am attempting to learn from or take advice from someone who hasn't been through a struggle, I'm like, well, you you can't help me because you don't understand what I'm struggling with, you know? And so and, and, or I don't trust that person because I'm like, you're hiding something. Everyone has struggles, you know, and you and I also can really relate to the discomfort of, like, oh, I just learned something about myself in real time because I'm doing this public exploration of learning and growing, you know, and so I totally can relate to to that.
00:41:31:01 - 00:41:46:02
Luna
And, and figuring out in real time what to share, what I'm still processing privately and all of that. Like it's a it's an interesting human dance, and all we can do is our best to practice have.
00:41:46:04 - 00:41:59:11
Immy
Yeah. I'm curious. And have you found that over time, like it's become easier to share or. I think the last person that we found that there, we actually made more distinctions about what we do and don't want to share. And that's been helpful.
00:41:59:13 - 00:42:30:00
Luna
I would say that I right now, five and a half years in, having a whole bunch of oh, shit realization around value, around money, around how my divergence has caused me to see things through a certain lens. And I'm finally starting to understand some of the ways that strangers have gotten in touch with me. I'm finally starting to understand parasocial relationships.
00:42:30:00 - 00:42:48:15
Luna
I, you know, and and also, it's through this podcast and through interviewing many different people from all walks of life, you know, some professionals, but mostly just regular people that I started to be like, oh, my brain works different, I guess. And then when I started hearing from people that were like, they're like, are you on the autism spectrum?
00:42:48:16 - 00:43:12:16
Luna
Are you on the autism spectrum? I think, I think you're in the same place that I am on the autism spectrum, and I do not at this point have a formal diagnosis. And I'm trying to decide if that's like, helpful or not. And it's something I haven't talked about because I've been like, and then I finally a couple years ago started asking my friends like, hey, how often do people ask you if you're on the autism spectrum?
00:43:12:18 - 00:43:35:15
Luna
And, and like, all of them have like, you know, and then part of me is like, all right, it might be time to do some standup about it, because like, like people like, without a doubt have been, you know, and so and also like to be real vulnerable. I didn't realize how different my brain worked. And it brings up a lot of fear that I can't take care of myself, that I can't have a relationship, that I can, you know, all of these things.
00:43:35:15 - 00:43:54:00
Luna
I'm like, oh shit, you know, especially because I was like, oh, you know, I like I was like, I found a kinky relationship. Wait, I get connection. We get to talk about it. But even vanilla people could talk about it too. I should help them. I should help them. We could just make the world a sexy, more loving place if we just talk about kinky stuff.
00:43:54:04 - 00:44:21:07
Luna
But regular, it could be regular or kinky. And then I also have a strong fascination with hearing people's personal histories over and over and over. And I'm like, doing the autistic thing. I mean, everyone does this to some degree, but I'm like, yeah, and me too. Here, let me tell you my story. And so inserting myself into other people's stories, not not realizing then that the result is receiving all of this sexual attention from internet strangers and being like, oh wow, these, these people I don't know yet are talking to me.
00:44:21:07 - 00:44:38:11
Luna
So sexy. But they maybe they don't know that I don't have time to date them. And then my friend was like, no, they're treating you like a free sex worker. And I was like, I could be. And she was like, you're posting nudes on OnlyFans, you're a sex worker. And I was like, oh my God, money left on the people.
00:44:38:15 - 00:45:20:13
Luna
I will be a sex worker. And now, like four years in, I'm like, I didn't understand. I'm still surprised weekly about how fucking weird the world is about sex. And I'm sort of like, oh, and just like, just like you were just saying it's like, oh, it's everything. It's people's personal histories. It's their backgrounds. It's. And so I'm now in this place where I'm unpacking like, oh, I don't, especially after interviewing hundreds of people and then having tons of like hundreds more offline conversations and like, I don't know how to get on the same page about where the assumptions are at.
00:45:20:13 - 00:45:40:05
Luna
And I'm just now learning to speak and like redirect people in the positive instead of being like, well, no, it's not like that for me, you know? And alongside that are all of the like business difficulties I've had for the last four years. I've had so many, you know, emails being like, oh my God, with the numbers on this podcast, you can make so much money.
00:45:40:06 - 00:45:58:20
Luna
And so I've like been chasing that. And also looking back on some of the communications, I'm like, she should have followed up. She should have been less abrasive. You know, all of these shoulds. And I don't believe in shooting ourselves. Right. I really, truly believe that we are all on our paths. Things are unfolding. If we're paying attention, we're learning the lessons.
00:45:58:22 - 00:46:18:12
Luna
So all of that is to say, it's been business learnings. It's been personal learnings. It's been a lot of learnings. And I'm still in the thick of it. And, and it's also given me a lot of permission to just get to that place of like. My true north is am I enjoy am I doing things that I hope bring people joy?
00:46:18:18 - 00:46:37:19
Luna
And so that's kind of what I've been paring it down to. And what I've realized from all of the like, business struggles is like, I'm not spending enough time for myself getting laid in my personal life. So I think I don't know exactly what it looks like, but I think it's going to be just like more slutty erotic photography, probably some less podcasting after June of this year.
00:46:37:19 - 00:46:53:00
Luna
We're recording this in almost June of 2024. And, I don't know what the future holds, but I know that it holds pleasure, whatever that looks like. So that was a very long answer. But, that's kind of my own little journey with it right now.
00:46:53:02 - 00:47:20:05
Immy
Yeah. No, that's that's so amazing. I it's it's funny, I think you often hear that, like, if you're focusing on something at the moment, like you just start attracting that from all sorts of places, like other people sharing similar stories or just like that, that general thing kind of coming towards you. And you can like, I work with the spiritual coach and everything that we're focusing on at the moment is just like trusting your intuition, like letting that inner know a part of you just just guides you.
00:47:20:07 - 00:47:33:12
Immy
Yeah. Because what's that thing like the that book about the regrets of the dying, that's like one of the, the ones that came up, the thing that people regretted most as they're on the deathbed. I didn't live a life. What? True to myself.
00:47:33:18 - 00:47:34:07
Luna
Yeah.
00:47:34:09 - 00:47:38:19
Immy
And. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess that's what it's all about.
00:47:38:21 - 00:47:57:06
Luna
It is, you know, and I think and what I've realized in following my desires and my own personal truths, because I really have been leading a desire led life. I'm like, well, maybe I can focus a little more on one thing at a time and, like, explore it fully or just, you know, let go of my chaos pattern.
00:47:57:08 - 00:48:15:01
Luna
But, and allow myself to just, like, deeply enjoy the moment and to seek out people who, like, do want the eye contact and do want that connection. You know, instead of just being like, what's over here? What do you like? What about you? What about you? What about you? You know, so that's that's where I'm like, I do love all of that stuff.
00:48:15:01 - 00:48:35:03
Luna
I definitely am realizing that I am a pretty, on the more extreme end of Novelty Seeker, because I'm hyper curious and I'm finding more gentle ways and I'm getting better mentors in my own life that are helping me filter through like, well, hey, here's how you can tell if this person you know is really giving you attention.
00:48:35:03 - 00:48:46:12
Luna
And also, it's up to me to set the boundary and filter because I have really good like strong boundaries when I set them. I just have to figure out where to put the lines. And so that's that's kind of where I'm at right now.
00:48:46:14 - 00:49:02:03
Immy
Yeah. And it's a constant learning process isn't it. Yeah. Because you just keep learning. Yeah. More and more and more about yourself. And at some point you're like, surely I get it all that or you get to this point, you have a big breakthrough and you're like, I know everything I'm need now. I'm in a way that you're absolutely humble.
00:49:02:04 - 00:49:27:15
Luna
Totally. Or like learning. Like just the next level of spiral. I'm like, oh, this lesson all over again. But the next version. Okay, yeah, I okay, so to wrap up, where are your hopes now for the future? Like is there anything else you're wanting to explore or just more broadly like kind of what are you seeing as Emmy's current horizon?
00:49:27:17 - 00:49:59:15
Immy
As I said earlier, I would love to explore more of the the co-creating stuff and I guess also open myself up to any new experiences. And then I might have with new women. It's probably a very vague, maybe some unsatisfying answer, but there's we have this, thing printed in Andy's apartment that says, I have no expectations, only curiosity and love that a lot of a lot of like, what I'd like to move towards is just trusting my intuition.
00:49:59:15 - 00:50:23:01
Immy
And that if, you know, my my gut is basically leading me down a path. It's like I'm feeling good about this. Like, this is generally feels like the rough direction where I want to be going. I'm getting good vibes this way. Then I just I'm wanting to let things naturally unfold my higher good, or trusting that the universe has has good plans for me as long as I'm able to trust it.
00:50:23:03 - 00:50:37:10
Luna
Yeah. Oh my gosh, I all of what you just said resonates so hard. And I am right there with you. If people are interested in working with you and or and where's the best place to find you on the internet?
00:50:37:12 - 00:50:55:02
Immy
So the best place is probably the YouTube channel, which is just kill your in a loser. So it's Andy's YouTube channel that I'm on there a ton. And if you wanted to reach out directly, you could email me or Andy, which would be me at go. You're at a loser.com perfect.
00:50:55:02 - 00:51:04:20
Luna
And lovers links are in the description below. So you can go right to them and just click and go there. Let me thank you so much for coming back and sharing your updates on sex stories.
00:51:04:22 - 00:51:06:23
Immy
Thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure.
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