Cock Rings & Cars: BJ’s Update
- Luna Robbie
- Jan 30
- 29 min read
Updated: Jun 26
60s non-monogamous cis male divorcé, retired protestant pastor, American Midwest, into: nudism, new sex toys, swinging lifestyle
🔗 BJ LINKS | vvrc / sexuality resources
00;00;00;08 - 00;00;31;10
Luna
Our guest today is a former guest. A self-styled sexy sexagenarian male who is a one and done divorcee of more than two decades, a retired Protestant pastor from the American Midwest. He is returning to give us some updates today that include his experience enjoying a nude car show. His continuing sex toy explorations, his recent exploration with a newly discovered clothing cum Persian king, and his initial foyer back into the swinging lifestyle.
00;00;31;13 - 00;00;50;14
Luna
You can go listen to his original episode number 281 Sexagenarian sexologist. Welcome back, B.J.. So before we get into your details, if today you could rate yourself on a sexual female meter with ten being the most full of shame and zero being like, I don't have any at all. Like, have you fluctuated at all since we talked last?
00;00;50;14 - 00;00;52;21
Luna
Where are you falling right now?
00;00;52;24 - 00;01;22;12
BJ
Oh, I think I'm, definitely below one. You know, there's always that shame, that sort of lurking in the background of myself that wants to poke out and, shame me again. But, I think when it tries to rear its ugly head, I, like, metaphorically wave my finger. And I said, no, no, no. And so that's how it is.
00;01;22;14 - 00;01;43;12
Luna
I love that. Okay, so as we are recording this, it has been about nine months since our original on Pod conversation, and you have a little bit of updates for us. A little bit of exploration, but I thought we might start with hearing about your experience at this nude car show. So I would love to hear what is this event?
00;01;43;14 - 00;02;03;08
Luna
Is it sexual? I know some nudist people are very like anti-sexual, and I know from some of the messages that I have received from our dear listeners that some people don't know the difference between something being naked and sexual. So is it like, do you get to go naked, lease it on cars? Like, what is it? What's your experience like?
00;02;03;09 - 00;02;06;05
Luna
Tell us a little bit about it and what you loved about it.
00;02;06;08 - 00;02;43;17
BJ
Well, you know, it's basically like any other car enthusiast car show, except the expectation is that we're all nudists. It's a fun thing because they got an activity, they have a dance or so weekend and they sell food like it's just all people socialize it, and it's basically a campground where everyone is supposed to be nude, where you put your tent or bring your fifth wheel, or I think there is a sexual undertow.
00;02;43;19 - 00;03;04;20
BJ
And I remember one time I was sort of hanging out with the pool and one of the buddies I know there, you know, he was sitting there with his date and he made a comment that, well, you know, I did bring plenty of lube, but the implication was when they were going to get off to a private place, they were going to use their lube.
00;03;04;20 - 00;03;16;03
BJ
And I'm talking lube that does not go into automobiles. But how you say lube that a human's an intimate activity like to utilize.
00;03;16;04 - 00;03;40;17
Luna
Got it. Okay, so literal tent pitching because there's no clothes to pitch metaphorical tents in. And this lube was not for the pool, but was for a private zone. Do they set any explicit tones when for for the attendees, like are there rules or like what are the guidelines? What are the invitations? And do you get to hang out on or in any cars naked?
00;03;40;18 - 00;03;44;26
Luna
Because that's where my head goes. I'm like, I would like to lie on people's cars naked.
00;03;44;29 - 00;04;08;02
BJ
Well, the idea is in the nudist scene, you always have a towel with you so that if you want to sit down on a given surface or something, you put that there as a buffer zone between your, how you say your bum and whatever, you know, for hygienic purposes that sure, you always sit on your towel.
00;04;08;05 - 00;04;23;07
Luna
But do you get to sit in the cars or the cars just to look at like, I am like, why I love I think everything should be naked personally, but like, I'm so curious about nudity with cars in particular and if there's any specific interaction there.
00;04;23;10 - 00;05;01;18
BJ
You know, I've talked and I've talked and chatted with the different owners and, you know, we're all in the buff and their cars are nicely buffed up, you know, for the car show. Haha. But, I'm trying to think as I don't know if anyone's actually sat in the car. I think it's that consent thing that, you know, if you say, oh, I haven't seen such and such in the longest time, can I sit in it and while I'm sure you know, you ask the owner nicely and they would and what, what the idea is that you place the towel on the seat before you put your bare bottom on the seat.
00;05;01;21 - 00;05;20;04
Luna
Okay. But it's like more to show off cars because I've, I've never been to a proper car show. I've only been to kind of an informal weekend event with my brother and my little nephew, which is called Coffee and Cars. And that's just like in a parking lot. And people just walk around and look at stuff, but they don't really, like sit in each other's cars or drive the cars or anything like that.
00;05;20;04 - 00;05;20;22
Luna
And yeah.
00;05;20;26 - 00;05;37;28
BJ
And, you know, actually the car shows I've gone to like at the local mall, a lot of people put a lot of attention and work into their automobiles. So, the idea is probably look and look only and hold off on the touching.
00;05;38;01 - 00;05;45;04
Luna
Do you feel turn on there or is it, like, more like general life turn on and not necessarily sexual for you?
00;05;45;06 - 00;06;15;05
BJ
Well, okay. I think it all goes back to sex sooner or later. But the thing is, when I throw off my clothes, it's like I'm literally and I'm throwing off all my worries and I just feel totally relaxed. At a level that it's hard to duplicate otherwise. You know, generally everyone's very friendly, you know, we're all in the nude.
00;06;15;05 - 00;06;23;29
BJ
And I think it's like we, in a sense, are experiencing our authentic, genuine selves amongst us. If you can understand that.
00;06;23;29 - 00;06;25;24
Luna
Totally.
00;06;25;27 - 00;06;48;21
BJ
Because we are, I think, literally and metaphorically, we're stripped bare. Yeah, we're baring ourselves to others. I love that, there's all sorts of activities around the car, so like, there's, they bring in a band and there is a, like, a dance, and I think there's like somebody who's, like, done an Elvis tribute kind of thing.
00;06;48;24 - 00;06;53;24
Luna
Is the band also naked or like, is it a naked Elvis or do those ones work clothes?
00;06;53;26 - 00;07;09;10
BJ
Well, you know, it depends. Okay. I guess my experience is mostly they have been, clothed. But now you know. The interesting twist, though, is naked carry. Okay. You can imagine that.
00;07;09;15 - 00;07;10;29
Luna
Oh, I can.
00;07;11;02 - 00;07;51;29
BJ
You know, there's a little bit of flexibility there, having to be an above, when you're bringing and I say outside vendors or people who are running during these different things, like either the band or the DJ for karaoke. And actually, though, let's say if it gets a little nippy, people are allowed to maybe like throw on a bathrobe to stay warm or see, the funny thing is, actually some lady came up to me sort of half sternly and half jokingly said, no, you better not be wearing any underwear under those sweats.
00;07;52;02 - 00;07;54;19
Luna
I love that you make me so.
00;07;54;19 - 00;08;13;16
BJ
So the idea is, you want to be clothed as little as possible. Practical. But sometimes, you know, if a cold front comes in, you may have to put on a layer of something or other unless you want to turn it, you know, shiver yourself. But.
00;08;13;18 - 00;08;26;15
Luna
Well, I was going to say it sounds like you mentioned the kind of mental and or emotional aspect of being bare, but it sounds like there is also quite a sensorial experience for you.
00;08;26;18 - 00;08;38;27
BJ
Oh yes. Because there's it's amongst the trees that, you know, the, the aroma. It's almost like my sense of smell is heightened when I'm there without my clothes on.
00;08;38;29 - 00;08;56;20
Luna
For better or worse, I don't have a great sense of smell and it seems to work in my favor oftentimes. But I love I mean, I love being naked in the sunlight, naked out in nature, of course. I imagine, like, are there mosquitoes there? It sounds like maybe it's too cold for mosquitoes, but it's like you got to watch out for mosquito bites and sunburns, right?
00;08;56;22 - 00;09;19;04
BJ
You know, my experience there, I've never had many, many problems with mosquitoes. But of course, yes, you got to be wise with your sunscreen. And particularly if, a person who is accustomed to how is a sun bathing in a bathing suit, certain areas may be exposed that otherwise not. Yeah.
00;09;19;07 - 00;09;37;15
Luna
So it sounds like there's ample opportunity for connection. Does it ever lead to sexual things, or is the vibe pretty like. No, it's not sexual. And or people are always asking me about nudist things whenever I have them on part or when they come up in conversation. Do people get erections? Like, are you worried about anything like that?
00;09;37;15 - 00;09;43;23
Luna
Like how how does the sexual element tie into the nudity, if at all? Tell us.
00;09;43;25 - 00;10;34;15
BJ
Well, the idea is if it happens, you just you have your towel handy. But there's two categories. Broad categories of nudist resorts or clubs out there. One is more the explicit sort of swinger thing. It's sort of like nudist swinger club where sexual activity can happen out in the open. But, you know, as long as you're in your tent or your camper or wherever for sexual activity, you know, that's endorsed, yet, you know, looking back, I think I've had some women sort of flirt with me or, you know, chat me up, like, as a prospect, but at least to date, not how you say, quote, I say retreated to a
00;10;34;15 - 00;10;55;17
BJ
tent or a camp or whatever, but, I'm, you know, open to that. Okay. Well, okay. Would we all be sitting here unless other people had all gone off and engaged in sexual activity and engaged in what you call that original form of creation?
00;10;55;25 - 00;11;13;01
Luna
That is what I say. That's that's why I think it's funny when people are like, they must be separate, you know, and and I totally also want to honor that. There are different spaces designed for different things. So I think it's cool to sort of just, you know, mention the layers of the sensuality, the turn on and keeping it appropriate for the venue.
00;11;13;04 - 00;11;42;17
BJ
Oh, yeah. Well, let me see. Is that see, there's the, was the the American Association of Nude Recreation. It's a and and if you go to like their website, the idea is that supposed to be the family friendly version of nudism, where. Sure. You know, sexual activity, of course, you know, is permitted. But, you know, you say behind closed doors, so to speak.
00;11;42;19 - 00;11;44;12
Luna
Yeah. Cool.
00;11;44;15 - 00;11;57;00
BJ
Well, yeah. When you say family, I mean, people can bring their children who are still minors. And so, see, that's the reason that they have those guidelines.
00;11;57;07 - 00;12;15;29
Luna
Yeah, totally. I just love making the distinction because I know from talking to so many people that not everybody knows that there are different spaces with different kind of norms, shall we say. And I love that it sounds like you were able to just explore, explore this cool experience, and it sounds like you took a break and came back to it.
00;12;15;29 - 00;12;37;14
Luna
And so that's a little a little piece of self-love. I think that might be a great time for you to talk a little bit more of the other types of self-love that you have been exploring. So you mentioned continuing your sex toy celebrations with yourself. What have you been learning about yourself as you love yourself? And a perhaps more explicitly sexual way?
00;12;37;14 - 00;12;43;13
Luna
Or is it sexual? You know it is it. I imagine that sex toys are sexual, but tell us your experience.
00;12;43;15 - 00;12;48;25
BJ
Yes. Or you know, I if we had sex toys, I guess.
00;12;48;27 - 00;12;51;13
Luna
Pleasure implements.
00;12;51;15 - 00;12;53;23
BJ
Or accessories.
00;12;53;26 - 00;13;03;27
Luna
Some people say tools. They hate that they're called toys. I don't know why I think toys. I'm like, it's play. I don't know, you know? So it's whatever word makes you happy.
00;13;04;00 - 00;13;28;27
BJ
Yeah. And, you know, maybe I'm getting you were getting lost in it. But I think toys is sort of what everyone knows. But I think I heard of a toy store somewhere where they call it the tool shed. Or something like that. But, you know, actually, it's some of your sponsors and guests that have inspired me because I went and ordered the firm Tech Rings.
00;13;29;00 - 00;13;42;02
Luna
Okay. And I just want to say right here, the BJ has not been planted by any of these companies to shout them out. He is just supporting the podcast in the deepest way, which I super appreciate. I just want to say that for everyone's clarity.
00;13;42;04 - 00;13;44;25
BJ
This is a non paid endorsement.
00;13;44;28 - 00;13;46;29
Luna
Okay, so it's an endorsement.
00;13;47;02 - 00;14;04;04
BJ
What is an endorsement? And a grateful endorsement because, you know, you're out here spreading ripples of love and and of course you take on sponsors that you have a rapport, that you believe in and that you think are good.
00;14;04;06 - 00;14;21;28
Luna
Okay. Well, I just want to be clear. Firm tech was not a sponsor. Butter wellness is not a sponsor. They're affiliate link. So I got no money for those for firm text interview. I just thought it was very interesting. And I had a friend who was like, this is cool. Check it out. And so you were the first person who has contacted me that says, I bought one.
00;14;21;28 - 00;14;30;15
Luna
So tell us, what is it like? Are you using it like, does it make her like tell us the details of what it's actually like?
00;14;30;17 - 00;14;50;24
BJ
It's been a bit of a journey. Well, I was trying out the performance ring. I'm somebody who has tried different, what you call cock rings or penis rings. Okay, but I say the performance ring. Well, that's the best cock ring that I've ever, found.
00;14;50;28 - 00;14;56;06
Luna
Why? What makes it so good? What do you think about the clasp? I feel like that seems so cool.
00;14;56;09 - 00;15;25;13
BJ
Other cock rings have a way of, like, they're really constricting. And, this is just how you say it's the Goldilocks of dark rings. You could say it's just right, because it seems to grip in the correct regions. Because, you know, here's some body who's really said, how can I, you know, reinvent or refine cock rings. And so, you know, that's the the performance ring.
00;15;25;13 - 00;15;54;16
BJ
And, you know, there is also the tech ring which actually has some electronics and that the idea is that a person can wear it, during the night because, folks who have penis, I mean, as I say, a healthy penis has nocturnal erections. This cock rings design that you can wear it basically while you're sleeping. Yeah.
00;15;54;19 - 00;16;24;20
BJ
And attracts your nocturnal erections and gives you a score. And then also you can wear it during sexual activity, either solo or partnered and, you know, record, the quality of your erection, I think, is when you get a score of how firm your erection it is. Okay. So it is basically gathering data, once you have enough recordings.
00;16;24;20 - 00;16;42;22
BJ
The neat thing about this is that I understand that I can, schedule a complimentary 15 minute consult with Doctor Ali just based on the data that you that's been gathered through this tech ring.
00;16;42;25 - 00;17;02;10
Luna
I want to hone in on your details, though. So it sounds like you have no emotional reaction to getting a score related to your erection. Because I can imagine if someone was, like, rating my orgasms or rating my blood flow, I can imagine I might have some sort of like, judgment feeling about that, right? You know? But it sounds like it.
00;17;02;10 - 00;17;06;16
Luna
That's not it for your, your, your interest in the data. Did I get that right?
00;17;06;19 - 00;17;33;12
BJ
Right. You know, actually it's more positive, okay. Because a healthy penis should have like I think 3 to 4 nocturnal erections. And so far the initial data it looks like good because okay, when I'm sleeping I'm not. If I may incidentally wake up in the middle of the night and maybe I noticed an erection, but when you're asleep, you don't know.
00;17;33;14 - 00;17;44;20
BJ
But this is a sense knowledge is power or reassurance, I should say. In this sense, so is all positive, because it sounds like so far appears like I'm reasonably healthy.
00;17;44;21 - 00;18;05;16
Luna
I would like to circle back to the performance ring and gets any details, because you said it was the best cock ring that you have experienced. So what makes it that way? Like I would like some specific experience details, whether that is a sensation, whether it's like something you learned about yourself, like what makes it good for you.
00;18;05;18 - 00;18;30;19
BJ
Is during solo play. I have yet to how you say do partner or play, which actually I'm anticipating, as you say, in divine timing, okay. Or when the time's right. Yeah, yeah. But I'm impressed, though, that this particular cock ring, I think that's like one of the firmest erections that I've experienced.
00;18;30;22 - 00;18;48;23
Luna
Have you come while wearing it? And did you get sensitive and how was it to take off? Because I've only used a cock ring a couple times with a partner, and I know that the tricky bit was like, after the orgasm. There was a lot of sensitivity with this penis. However, this person with penis plumbing. So what was there?
00;18;48;23 - 00;18;53;20
Luna
Have you experienced that yet? And what's that feel like for you? If so.
00;18;53;22 - 00;19;05;20
BJ
Oh, I don't think I had any adverse sensitivity or anything. I think the thing that stands out in my mind was the rock hardness that I was experiencing.
00;19;05;20 - 00;19;06;23
Luna
Cool.
00;19;06;25 - 00;19;28;25
BJ
So and it enhanced the experience for me, really seeing so far and so I think, the firm tech folks, you know, Doctor Elliot, Justin, he has he's doing a service to humanity in some great ways.
00;19;28;27 - 00;19;41;14
Luna
I love that. Oh my gosh. Okay. You also mentioned that you were experimenting with other types of toys. Is there anything else in your pleasure palette as of late that is worth noting?
00;19;41;17 - 00;20;14;28
BJ
Well, you know, you put the affiliate links, you know, like in the description of your episodes and Butter wellness, I believe is what it is. Yeah, I was curious, so I went and ordered their perineum vibrator and their lube. And so I've just started, you know, trying them out. It's sort of a teardrop shaped vibrator. You know, I'm a newbie with, prostate perineal vibrators.
00;20;15;01 - 00;20;40;14
BJ
So it was more like, And so it's like I'm on the edge of some exploration here, and I feel curious, like I want to try this some more because that's where it is. I'm just in a sense, I think I'm sort of reclaiming my sexuality because, I think in the last few years I had a hernia repair.
00;20;40;16 - 00;21;20;07
BJ
The last thing I had, you know, I when basically fell down at work, fractured my hip and then ended up with a hip for hip replacement. Oh, wow. So, you know, bouncing back from that. And so I think my nerves are still working and everything. It's just like I'm just rediscovering things. Okay. And so I'm, you know, looking forward to this vibrator because, I like the feel of the actual vibrator and it looks like a fun vibrator that I want to find a willing partner someday in the future, you know, that we can use it on each other and make it as part of our mutual play.
00;21;20;07 - 00;21;46;25
Luna
Totally. Well, I'm curious to hear the specifics of you receiving vibration on your perineum area, because is that your first time? Because I also I have one, but I don't have a prostate. I you know, I have pussy parts, but I used it and I'd like to I mean, it's great for hitting everything. And I think what a lot of people don't realize is that our entire pelvic region is just rich with blood vessels and like, you know, nerve endings.
00;21;46;28 - 00;22;05;06
Luna
So blood flow all around is good. But how was that vibration for you? Because I found it quite buzzy, which is good for me. You know, there's more rumbly types of vibrators or buzzy types. So I'm curious if you a have experienced vibration in that area before at all. And B, what did you think of the actual sensation beyond?
00;22;05;07 - 00;22;06;19
Luna
00;22;06;21 - 00;22;29;11
BJ
Yeah. You know, they have like I think a half a dozen different patterns like you, there's this button that you hit and it cycles through the different things and but they have one which is sort of like a build up undulation, you could say. Which that seems to be the one that is my favorite so far, and that I want to explore that some more.
00;22;29;14 - 00;22;53;17
BJ
To me, though, I like it when it sort of mixes up or escalates or pauses the vibration. It almost seems to mimic. Like, let's say someone else is caressing me because I don't think another human. So, you know, if they touch me with their hand, does it go, you know, but custom vibration? I guess you could if you're really talented, but.
00;22;53;18 - 00;23;10;19
Luna
Well, I like to mix constant vibration with movement of hand. So if I'm going to, like, masturbate with a constant vibration toy or like I have this little travel toy from a roll hall that I love to wrap around my fingers, or like the, the Vesper necklace. Again, I wish these people were sponsors. They're not. If you know one, please write to them.
00;23;10;21 - 00;23;31;28
Luna
But, I will use the constant setting and then my hand will be in charge of the motion, you know, and like you said, it's like the experience of having a toy, or whatever tool a pleasure tool implements. You know, I do like being a little bit outside of the control of my masturbation will all. Also, you know, being in charge of the thing.
00;23;31;28 - 00;23;58;18
BJ
So it's like I liken it to like a new musical instrument that I've acquired and where I'm just starting to learn my first few notes, you know, with practice and study, the potential of the instrument unfolds. And so that's where it is. But as I say, practice makes better. Is that the same thing?
00;23;58;21 - 00;24;07;06
Luna
My mom always says practice makes better. And perfect. Practice makes perfect. And there was also a lesson in there about like, there is no such thing as perfect I don't know.
00;24;07;09 - 00;24;19;17
BJ
Yeah. You know, perfection of a compass heading like we're pointing towards perfection. Yet are we actually ever going to really get to there? You know.
00;24;19;22 - 00;24;47;27
Luna
I mean, I think I think this gets into a deeper conversation, which I do think is related to sex lives because I think perfectionism, like the idea of perfect is an elusive, sexually corrosive concept that I think destroys pleasure and inspires in my in my personal witnessing, a lot of personal pain. Like there's this idea that there is a perfect and it's a moving target.
00;24;47;27 - 00;25;19;11
Luna
And I think most people who I know who strive to reach it are, are, you know, fed a lot of lies. And it's oftentimes like ideas that are kind of like ephemeral. Yeah. And social norms and judgments. And I know a lot of people who have really struggled with that. And so I, I've never been a perfectionist because no matter how hard I try, one of my blessings and curses is that my unique little brain, even if she's trying to people please really hard, sooner or later my brain will reach a different conclusion from someone else's inference or whatever, and I explode people.
00;25;19;13 - 00;25;36;04
Luna
So I grew up learning that I could never be perfect, no matter how hard I try. And I think that is one of the reasons that for better or worse, I am marching to the beat of my own little drum. So, you know, I think, it sounds like you're on your way to, dare I say, being part of a symphony of pleasure.
00;25;36;05 - 00;25;40;13
Luna
In this instance, if you're learning to play this instrument.
00;25;40;15 - 00;26;02;09
BJ
Yes. You know, and actually, let's just lay aside that whole idea of perfection or perfectionism, because really, it is it has a lot it what's the end result? But let's pursuit of excellence or how can we do a little bit better this day in the journey.
00;26;02;12 - 00;26;27;25
Luna
Yeah, I think and you know, again, I think it comes back to definitions. Right. Like for me the idea of perfect is being present in this moment with where we are as we are now. What is excellent? What is better for me that's defined with connection and who's around me, and am I really connected to them? I think the idea about like this concept of perfect that I don't like is I've noticed that it causes a lot of people to lie to themselves and each other.
00;26;27;28 - 00;26;47;26
Luna
And in my observation, that is a destroyer of connection. And so for me, everything comes back to. But are we connected? But are we experiencing, you know, the beauty of your personhood? I want to know it. And if you're too busy judging yourself for being imperfect, then you hide from me, and then I can't find you. And then I'm like, hello, where are you?
00;26;47;26 - 00;26;51;28
Luna
And then I become a woodpecker and then I explode the person instead of letting them come to me.
00;26;52;01 - 00;27;01;23
BJ
Here's maybe an analogy or something. Have you ever been on that road trip where you want to get to the destination now?
00;27;01;23 - 00;27;20;28
Luna
My mom, my mom, we literally had a car when I was a child named The Journey because my mom said, life is a journey, not a destination. Like, because otherwise the destination is death, you know? And so I am. I have that in my brain very strongly. She also said, make your work, your play, and you'll never have to work a day in your life.
00;27;20;28 - 00;27;23;20
Luna
And I think I took her very literally.
00;27;23;22 - 00;27;51;07
BJ
Well, I'm so glad that you have had that healthy nurturing and outlook, because I think I have observed this sometimes in myself and perhaps others have done this too. But it's like I'm thinking, oh, I want to get to such and such destination. And I'm grumbling on my way because I'm not to the destination yet. And I'm feeling unhappy during the journey to that destination.
00;27;51;09 - 00;28;14;20
BJ
So that's a really unhealthy attitude. So as you say, life is a journey. And smell some of the roses if you will, or take in the scenery or what's, you know, your present point of the journey and take that in and enjoy it and, you know, have a little bit of openness about it. And I think we'll all find more happiness that way.
00;28;14;23 - 00;28;33;26
Luna
Yeah. You know, and happiness is an evolution, right. And the way that our actual brains are structured, you know, we are highly 90% I don't know, I can't remember in the nucleus accumbens, only like 10% of it is set aside for the liking. Once we receive a thing, most of it is set aside for seeking the dopamine. You know, sort of the motivation to go to the next thing, go to the next thing.
00;28;33;28 - 00;28;53;12
Luna
And we live in a time of productivity. And did I do a good enough? Do I deserve gold stars? And it's like, yes, you all deserve gold stars, but like, are you enjoying the experience? So that's how I kind of measure it. Speaking of enjoying things like on behalf of other people, I want to hear about this clothing from Persian king.
00;28;53;12 - 00;29;14;01
Luna
I have never heard this phrase before. I'm aware of compassion, which for anyone listening who isn't, it's where, you know, oftentimes I hear it in a kind of a polyamorous setting of like, I love that my partner is receiving pleasure, even if it's with another partner. Or maybe it's especially at the hands of another partner. So I feel a lot of compassion for people's kind of.
00;29;14;01 - 00;29;25;07
Luna
I think that sometimes as the opposite of envy, you know, it is oftentimes put at the opposite end of the scale of jealousy. So tell me about your explorations with clothing, compassion.
00;29;25;09 - 00;30;14;15
BJ
Yes. And I guess maybe, I don't know. Does this something I invented? I don't know, or at least it came to my mind one day because I've heard this whole thing of conversion where you're finding a sense of joy or satisfaction, action and joy of others. But, you know, there they're so different, like, I mean, and wow, can I mention Amazon, I guess, or there's different brands of different wish lists out there, and I've run across some of those wish lists and where I've taken it upon myself to how you say grant wishes through those wish lists and whereby, hey, basically, you know, I found on one of your wish lists is a certain dress.
00;30;14;17 - 00;30;34;19
BJ
Yes. Oh yes. That's you. And I thought, oh yes. And I thought, oh, this is my mission. I almost a calling that sense like, yes, I'm going to make this happen and get it shipped to you. And so then later here, I got this, you sent me a picture of you wearing it with a smile.
00;30;34;25 - 00;30;35;15
Luna
Yes.
00;30;35;15 - 00;30;49;03
BJ
And I thought, oh, and just the idea that seeing you smile and then that other people were enjoying seeing you in it, that's just tickled me, literally are just like, yeah, yeah.
00;30;49;05 - 00;31;11;23
Luna
I love that so much. And I kind of want to share my side of it too, because for me, receiving that, I love, first of all, hearing the details behind your experience. And for me, I get so stressed out by clothes in general because there's a lot of choices behind them. Usually I wear a white t shirt or tank top and black leggings.
00;31;11;23 - 00;31;33;15
Luna
Today I have red leggings on, you know, like I or I have a dress, but I mostly receive clothes from other people, whether they're hand-me-downs or gifts. And I'm trying to be a little bit more stylish. And for me, when I receive something from someone, it makes me actually excited to get dressed. And then it creates this nurturing muse energy.
00;31;33;15 - 00;31;55;28
Luna
So when I go to do a photoshoot, you know, when I'm wearing that dress and I haven't even done the actual photo shoot, you know, I click, I did a little picture for you because I was so excited when I first got it, but I haven't even done the full proper photoshoot like on a location, doing a vibe, you know, with my hair and makeup all done like and that that and then of course, I always take it off because I love doing just like strips or exploring how the clothing comes off.
00;31;55;28 - 00;32;16;20
Luna
If I have to put it on, it has to come off. And that's my favorite part about clothes is, you know, taking them off. But now I have a new experience of enjoyment with clothing, which is having the nurturing energy that comes with it that is connected to the person. So now every time I put on that naughty dress because it has a knot in it, I mean, you know, I think I am reminded of you.
00;32;16;20 - 00;32;22;23
Luna
And so it's like that, that makes me really excited. So I, I love hearing about that.
00;32;22;25 - 00;32;25;18
BJ
So I'm promoting naughty thoughts in your head.
00;32;25;23 - 00;32;49;25
Luna
Yes you are, yes you are, and yes you do. You know, and I, I also just want to take this moment to highlight you a little bit because, you know, we've been chatting off and on through various mediums for the last 9 or 10 months and, it makes me so happy that you participate in my invitations, because oftentimes, you know, people want something from me that I don't.
00;32;49;25 - 00;33;11;28
Luna
I'm like, wow, I don't want to play that game. And I'm like, here's the games I will play. And so it's like, it's just very fun. Not I mean, obviously receiving presents is nice, but receiving your presence in so many ways and the conversations and the noodles that you share with me and you know, the fact that you're here doing a podcast update with your personal explorations and and diving in to support my work, like my work is the most important thing to me.
00;33;11;28 - 00;33;33;08
Luna
And that's the part that gets missed by a lot of people. And I know my work spans a lot of things, but, it just makes me feel special to have you metaphorically wrapped around me, hugging me while I wear a very comfortable dress that I could wear anywhere. It's like the perfect amount of it looks elegant. I could wear it to a nice dinner or lunch or brunch, but it's also like casual enough that I was wearing it.
00;33;33;08 - 00;33;46;18
Luna
Or if I were wearing it over a swimsuit and it might be going with me to a tropical location soon. So it's just great. So thank thanks, but I'm happy to be on the other side of that. That competition kick me.
00;33;46;20 - 00;33;56;27
BJ
Well yes, sir. And then, you know, I'll do a little balance shift here and say, yes, your pleasure is my pleasure.
00;33;57;02 - 00;34;17;29
Luna
Yes. Love it. Yeah. Okay. So speaking of conversions, speaking of the opposite of jealousy, speaking of exploring, and you also mentioned earlier on a little bit about swinging, you're getting back into the swinger lifestyle or at least exploring what that might look like. Tell us a little bit about that.
00;34;18;02 - 00;34;26;00
BJ
Well, it's very initial because I went and I think you have an affiliate link for SDC.
00;34;26;03 - 00;34;40;11
Luna
Yes, I have a profile on there, but I have not played yet because I haven't been home very much in the last six months. But my intention is to get more into different community, you know, different alternative romantic communities.
00;34;40;11 - 00;35;06;14
BJ
So I I've been on and you could say a swinging lifestyle hiatus. Oh, this goes back a couple of decades, you know, a few years after my divorce and I just, I had a thing and said, hey, come on now. And, you know, going through a divorce, I thought, hey, maybe it was a time to explore some options and maybe live a little or whatever.
00;35;06;14 - 00;35;10;13
Luna
It's always time to live a little or a lot. My opinion.
00;35;10;16 - 00;35;44;21
BJ
Back then, the websites were just starting to happen. They had magazines where you could people put actual ads in actual physical magazines, and you could, right? It was when Yahoo groups were still up thing. Yes. And, major metropolitan area. I found a swinger group that welcomed single males. Single males aren't always welcome because of a few clueless acting males.
00;35;44;23 - 00;36;22;20
BJ
Let's just say they're, Yeah. I think if you just use some common sense of etiquette. But I did go to some swinging functions and, you know, hang out with swingers and and enjoy my time there. The thing is, with the SDC, there's this I think, validation function, and I think I need to get some, before I feel like I can get any traction is I need to find somebody to validate me and they that I like SD, aa as the website.
00;36;22;22 - 00;36;25;25
BJ
I'm getting excited and I can't pronounce. So that's okay.
00;36;25;28 - 00;36;26;24
Luna
So down to ref.
00;36;26;25 - 00;37;03;19
BJ
It's okay. But yeah, I'll take a breath. But they have live streams and I've taken in a few of those on some interesting topics from people in the lifestyle. And so I think even just getting that website with that alone is worth it. And they also alert you to different swinging events. And so one of the things I, the people I've gotten to know in the lifestyle, they seem to have a for real, genuine, have a for real genuine demeanor about that which I really enjoy and which I resonate with.
00;37;03;22 - 00;37;35;24
BJ
Yeah. Yeah. So that's, you know, it's very initial because I think I just joined within the last month or so. Cool. And I think I've and you know, on dating sites, you get some well, okay, catfish. Well, I live in a region of the country where you have Friday night fish fries. Now, if I'm going to have catfish, I like it to be reserved for the Friday night fish fry instead of finding them on a dating site, if you know what I mean.
00;37;35;27 - 00;37;37;12
BJ
Yeah.
00;37;37;15 - 00;38;00;10
Luna
I totally know what you mean about, you know, people feeling authentic, right? I have discovered that oftentimes when I meet someone who is in a quote unquote alternative lifestyle usually means that they have gone inside of themselves to get to know themselves deeply enough to choose something different than the quote unquote norm that is shoved down our throats.
00;38;00;10 - 00;38;20;20
Luna
Right? Or the norm that says, don't shove things like corks down your throats, like be be normal. Like. And most people are not normal. Almost no one is normal. And so I'm finding that I can experience greater connection and joy with people who are willing to be honest with themselves about their actual selves. And so I know that the swinger community is a part of that.
00;38;20;20 - 00;38;40;25
Luna
I find that in polyamorous spaces and kinky spaces and, you know, humans are kinky in general. It's a matter of like, are they conscious kinks or not? What do you hope to experience or, you know, explore swinger wise or alternative relationship style wise in this neutral color.
00;38;40;27 - 00;39;14;23
BJ
Or, or I'm open for it. You know, actually, I think the best thing is to go in with an open mind. I think a lot of people go in there thinking they're just going to walk into an instant orgy. Well, granted, there are parties that are that way, but the point is that you meet people, strike up friendships, and sometimes you may not be your friends actually will be the friends who hook you up for getting laid.
00;39;14;26 - 00;39;26;21
Luna
He is, I think, open minded friendship and actual community building is a fantastic goal. That is my goal for myself in pretty much all realms of life right now.
00;39;26;23 - 00;39;47;01
BJ
Right? Right. And so, you know, I think you got to come in with a certain fully open ended, you know, the idea of being that going into the swinging lifestyle or there, it takes a certain open mindedness there. And I think that open mindedness needs to be just leave it open ended expectations.
00;39;47;03 - 00;39;58;19
Luna
Okay? When I hear open ended, I can't help but think of like, anal stretching. That's just what I think of when I hear open ended. I know there's no way you mean, but but maybe it is.
00;39;58;22 - 00;40;25;16
BJ
You know that. I say there's room for lots of things and you. Okay. You know, I got a little saying I'd rather be inspiring instead of requiring, of myself and of others. Because when I start putting a lot of requirements or expectations, where does that lead? But if I do things that are aimed to inspire people.
00;40;25;16 - 00;40;26;16
Luna
Yeah.
00;40;26;19 - 00;41;02;25
BJ
I think it's like sending a ripple of love out and seeing what happens from that. Instead of thinking I do A, B, C and D, and then I'm going to end up with, x, y, z, or thinking that these are results. It's like, let's see what happens if I do such and such. So all right, that was the thing is that when, you know, I, ordered that dress, you put on your wish list and had it sent to you, it was like, it was sort of like an experiment, like, let's see now what happens.
00;41;02;27 - 00;41;04;19
BJ
And now we found out what happened.
00;41;04;21 - 00;41;06;24
Luna
We found out? Yes.
00;41;06;27 - 00;41;44;25
BJ
And so that's what really where it is. And so, among other things, I'm actually a recovering alcoholic, among other things, and with, you know, many 24 hours. But, in those meetings, I just they say happiness is an inside job. In other words, we're responsible for our own happiness. Yeah. And finding that happiness within us. Because if we're going to look for others to make us happy, or if we're trying to make other people happy, we're where is that going to lead or to what effect our results.
00;41;44;28 - 00;41;46;00
Luna
Oh.
00;41;46;03 - 00;41;48;24
BJ
So that's, you know, where it comes out to.
00;41;48;26 - 00;42;15;17
Luna
I love that. So you preempted my wrap up question about Ripples of Love, which is my new favorite wrap up question for the pod. But I think on that note, I would love to hear you've shared a great deal today about how you are exploring self-love. What else? And it doesn't have to be sexual. Are you wanting to explore, or what other ways do you plan to give yourself some more love in the next days, weeks, months?
00;42;15;19 - 00;43;00;22
BJ
You an outside because you know, well, right now though, all the winter weather right now we're talking overnight, getting zero degrees. I think we got it up to the 20s Fahrenheit today, but to get outside and get some sunlight on. Yeah, myself and fresh air. And that's a great thing I can do for myself and, you know, trying to eat the kind of food that fuels me, you know, being good to myself in that way and also doing more art projects and things like that, actually, I've done leather work, so I've been thinking of myself.
00;43;00;24 - 00;43;37;06
BJ
How could I serve the community with my leather work tools and skills? I've been contemplating? And then I actually and actually, you know, there's another aspect of me is, I'm a literal nitwit. That's k and it nitwit. And I've been venturing into some other areas there to actually, I've done that before where, I knitted stuff and actually I design and come up with my own knitting patterns after I've tried different knitting patterns.
00;43;37;06 - 00;43;50;05
BJ
So and actually, I find that, sort of meditative and relaxing thing. But yes, I am embarking I'm making knitting some sexy stuff right now. But I'll say no more.
00;43;50;07 - 00;44;07;17
Luna
I am so excited for the sexy stuff you are knitting. I have seen your piano scarf. It's pretty impressive. And I am just, so grateful for you coming to share these updates and I look forward to a future update sometime in the next year. If I'm. If I'm lucky.
00;44;07;18 - 00;44;16;18
BJ
Well, hey, it's been such a pleasure to converse with you today and update you. And so until next time.
00;44;16;20 - 00;44;21;15
Luna
Until next time, PJ, thank you again for coming on and sharing your loving wisdom.
Comments