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50 demisexual Jewish woman, she/her pronouns, ENM, married in a relationship of 30 years, Los Angeles based, into: Dominance, BDSM, group play, lifestyle Domination

🔗 MISS BUTTER LINKS | supersweetbutter.com

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00:00:00:11 - 00:00:25:06

Luna

Our guests today is a 50 year old Jewish, ethically non-monogamous, demi sexual woman who is happily married and has been with her husband for 30 years. They consider themselves to be in a female led relationship, although both are sexually dominant and have kitchen table poly dynamics that include life partners considered family and she is currently open to adding an affair partner assigned female at birth.

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Luna

For anyone who does not know, she is into so many things. Almost everything on the D dominant side of the slash, using Bdsm as a healing modality and a group play a lifestyle dom. For over 25 years, she has taken her vast experience, artistry and coaching skills into her work as a problem for the last five years, specializing in thoughtful, nurturing experiences, and is particularly passionate about parenting as a gangster.

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Luna

As she and her husband are out to their kids about their non-conventional life. A native Californian who lives in Los Angeles. Welcome, Miss Butter.

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Miss Butter

Hello.

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Luna

I am so excited to have you here because we have met a few times in person and this has been, shall we say, a long time in coming. So could you pretty please start out by telling us if you had to rate yourself today on a sexual shame meter, with ten being so full of shame and zero being like, I don't know what you're talking about.

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Luna

Shame. Tell us where you fall and tell us what your shaming poster has looked like throughout the years. If it had any squiggles, loops, ups or downs.

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Miss Butter

Well, today I'm like a negative ten. Yeah, I have no shame. I'm so proud of. I am really proud of how how I live my life. I'm really proud of the things I do and have done. It hasn't always been that way. And it was a little bit of a journey getting here. So it's I started off as a sexual creature, very young, like 13 and, had a whole lot of sex, super young.

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Miss Butter

And.

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Miss Butter

Didn't, you know, I sort of stayed on that path for about a year. Then I met who would be my high school boyfriend and realized with him who I was with for years, that, oh, sex with feelings is a whole different thing. And I really liked that a lot. And what was I doing before and why was I doing that?

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Miss Butter

And I, I never quite understood so different than my peers and genuinely loved what I was doing, but also was so confused. I was confused as to why and why no one else was doing this, and why the girls hated me so.

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Miss Butter

Much was things come to my side. This is so fun over here.

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Miss Butter

So after after I broke up with that boyfriend when I was 18, I entirely stopped having. I put a lot of the the emphasis on sex, as, actual penetrative intercourse. So I did everything else, but I sort of saved that. I was like, I'm not going to do that again until I understand why I'm doing it.

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Miss Butter

And I would sort of say that I like reverting myself. And I had a long stretch of time, years and years where I didn't have sex. In fact, I waited, many years until I was married on my wedding night.

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Miss Butter

And then wait for that height. Who I know. Oh, that. Isn't that right? Yeah.

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Luna

Well, where did you get the idea to revolutionize yourself? Like, was it just a sense of what you needed, or was it, like, put into your brain from somewhere?

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Miss Butter

You know, I think it sort of stemmed from, like, I don't really understand how to do this in a healthy way, so I'm just not going to do it at all until I understand. And I understand that. And I think having so much confusion about why was I so promiscuous, so young, some of the sex I didn't even enjoy, I kind of liked that I was doing it like that felt.

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Miss Butter

Yeah, mature and wild and.

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Miss Butter

Artsy and like, I don't know, it felt all these, like, sort of titillating things. But I didn't totally understand how to actually enjoy sex. I liked the control of of it because so few girls were doing that, that I just like the world was my oyster. I could open any door I wanted. I at least I felt like that.

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Miss Butter

Yeah.

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Miss Butter

And then as an adult,

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Miss Butter

I.

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Miss Butter

I became, I was diagnosed with A.D.D. and in that diagnosis process, the doctor asked me two questions. Said, does your car have a lot of little dents on it? And were you really promiscuous? Really young.

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Miss Butter

Why?

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Miss Butter

And I what? Yes, that's what he asked me. And that was my.

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Miss Butter

Reaction was.

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Miss Butter

Like, yes and yes. And it turns out that being a neurodivergent person with impulse control issues, maybe, and having a massive amount of hormones and in my case, giant boobs arise. Yeah, is a really good, perfect storm.

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Miss Butter

Of you're gonna.

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Miss Butter

Potentially just let loose sexually and I, I did, so that was one level of making sense of that part of my life. So whereas I got to a point where I really didn't have much as an adult, I still kind of held on to all these weird adolescent feelings of like, kind of not understanding myself. Yeah. And certainly when I would run into people from I still live in the area where I went to school.

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Miss Butter

So if I'd run into people from middle school, I mean, as a grown adult, I hid behind the plant once, you know, like.

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Luna

I haven't done that. But I could imagine a scenario in which I might just to avoid the unknown or the I don't know if I'm not in the right mood. Damn.

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Miss Butter

Wow.

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Luna

Were you successful in that hiding or did they see you? Yeah.

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Miss Butter

Okay. Okay. Oh, that would have been even worse. I kind of wish I had been caught.

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Miss Butter

Wow. But.

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Miss Butter

So that was really, like, the experience with that psychiatrist was eye opening, and that helped me make a little bit of peace with that time in my life. But it really wasn't until my daughter became a teenager.

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Miss Butter

And seeing.

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Miss Butter

How her life was unfolding and having.

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Miss Butter

So.

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Miss Butter

Complete and total acceptance of whatever she wanted to be, and whoever she thought she was, and having no shame on that. It really wasn't until being on the outside of that, looking into the teenager, finding themselves that I really just.

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Miss Butter

I was like, I was a kid and.

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Miss Butter

I was exploring and I was figuring myself out and, so through not judging her, I kind of stopped judging myself.

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Miss Butter

It was for what?

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Luna

A beautiful gift of parenting. Also, what a beautiful way to take your own lesson and support a human coming into this world.

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Miss Butter

It felt magical. And, that was kind of this last missing piece that I didn't quite realize was missing. And that was the last. It wasn't shame in the present, but that shame in the past still weighed on me in some kind of way. It's very freeing.

00:07:55:22 - 00:08:21:01

Luna

Damn. Also, it is so interesting the further down my little rabbit hole of horror explorations that I go, the more I'm like. A lot of sex workers seem to be neurodivergent, you know? And I'm just like, okay, there's like a dopamine aspect there, a desire aspect. And I think also just like a non-normative for me, you know, I kind of lean a little bit more toward the autism side.

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Luna

Although lately I've had a lot of people be like and ADHD. Right. And I'm like, okay, maybe I need to seek a formal diagnosis, I don't know, but I love that you were able to kind of have all those experiences for yourself. And it sounds like there's a lot of personal wisdom inside of you. Do you feel like the younger years of shame was that coming from like family, society, judgment of people at school?

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Luna

Like, where do you feel like that? Just being non-normative. Like where do you feel like that? Kind of like origin was.

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Miss Butter

You know, it's such a weird, a lot of weird sort of coexisting, conflicting feelings because I was also really empowered in a way that other kids weren't. So I but but especially as a teenager, to be misaligned with your peers. There's just, I think, a natural level of shame that comes with that. And yeah, so it was really more peer related than societal because society, I actually outside of school felt like very at home in the world and very, I felt like my sexuality and I certainly felt like my breasts just opened whatever doors I wanted when they started coming when I was eight, nine, something like that, and then saw

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Miss Butter

large breasts before leaving elementary school.

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Miss Butter

Probably like like.

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Miss Butter

Fifth or sixth grade, something like that. It was miraculous.

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Miss Butter

I just thought, what are these?

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Miss Butter

But there's something there too, and just kind of who you are and what you do with that information. Because my, my sister, same home, same, same upbringing. When her breasts came, she it was a lot of shame. Big shirts, kind of hunched over. So that was our experiences were very different. Yeah. I think I think some of it is just kind of what you decide to do with the information.

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Miss Butter

You know? Absolutely. Absolutely.

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Luna

Okay. Oh, there's so much richness and juiciness to dive into. But first, I would love to hear in your current times in this, non-monogamous life that you lead, what sort of health and safety practices and conversations do you need to be able to really enjoy yourself with a lover?

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Miss Butter

So, I mean, I think that those things need to be just talked about really candidly. Yeah. I still, you know, I still have probably an unusual amount of weight on the actual act of male, female penetrative sex. So that that's not something that I really accept with new partners, very easily, very, very selective about that. And by the time I'm ready or interested in that, I mean, we know each other very well.

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Miss Butter

And when you have sort of like this, it's sort of a spiderweb. When you have a partner who then has partners and their partner has partners or whatever. So having those agreements is obviously so key. And so, you know, every time there's a new person in the mix, you've got to factor in what their ideas and their standards of safety are.

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Miss Butter

And everybody kind of has to agree to just adjust to that. I'd rather be over safe than under safe.

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Miss Butter

Totally.

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Miss Butter

So, I don't know, regular testing condoms, very selective about what you're fluid bonded with. And those agreements around being fluid bonded have to be so clear. And you have to have such good trust with that person.

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Luna

I have been, you know, I talk to people a lot. We mentioned fluid bonding. But I as you pointed out, it means something different to every person you know. So I've been with people where it's like fluid bonding is just genital to genital contact. But they don't necessarily think that like mouth, you know, mouths have fluid. And so I'm like, well, what about kissing?

00:12:27:07 - 00:12:41:11

Luna

Or in a threesome I had recently, I was like, so what are your comfort levels like? Just so you know, I kissed this new partner and I didn't know them that well. And it's the first time that I've kissed someone. I didn't know that well in quite a while, but the circumstances made sense, you know? And so what's your comfort level?

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Luna

And they were like, let's stay away from, like, food exchange today. I was like, great. And then I was like, so you take left boob, I take right boob. Because we have to also think about like where our fluid goes if we're body kiss, you know, for slobbery body kissing, etc. or like, let's make sure we wash our hands in between.

00:12:56:14 - 00:13:29:14

Luna

So all of that is to say, with your husband, I imagine that you are fluid, bonded like everything. Everything goes okay, cool. And then maybe as you bring in, if you have a newer partner, it sounds like you both have consistent partners who you have kind of trust and safety with. But I imagine that there might be an instance where if maybe they bring in someone new to their life that could affect the agreements that you have in place, like maybe a renegotiation could be necessary, or maybe you use barriers with new people who come in or, you know, kind of it sounds like an evolving conversation.

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Miss Butter

I mean, it is because, you know, this is not a this is not a static situation. You know, it's not, a monogamous marriage where there are no additional people. Then, you know, you make one agreement and sort of stays the same. So right now we are completely fluid bonded for us. We do consider fluid bonding being genital to genital, kissing.

00:13:53:15 - 00:13:58:11

Miss Butter

Yes, that's a fluid. But that's not something that we're terribly concerned about.

00:13:58:12 - 00:14:01:07

Luna

What about mouth to genital.

00:14:02:19 - 00:14:09:07

Miss Butter

I mean, statistically, we're comfortable with that. So we we that's that is,

00:14:09:09 - 00:14:11:02

Luna

Within the risk tolerance.

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Miss Butter

That's within our risk tolerance. We're not we're not really people.

00:14:17:01 - 00:14:17:16

Miss Butter

Who.

00:14:17:21 - 00:14:46:06

Miss Butter

Who play with strangers. So, typically there have been either tests or discussions of tests enough that we're comfortable with saying we we know what we're getting into with this, with this partner. And so we're fluid bonded with each other and our each long term study partners, we're fluid bonded with them. And then anyone outside of that is, you know, use protection.

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Miss Butter

Okay. Yeah.

00:14:47:23 - 00:15:08:04

Luna

And then because you're a chunky expert and professional health and safety when it comes to toys, how do you handle you know, do you use condoms on toys. Do you or at play parties, like how do you handle toy cleaning? Do you pay attention to like, leather versus I don't know, there's a whole bunch of.

00:15:08:06 - 00:15:09:11

Miss Butter

Specifics when it comes to.

00:15:09:11 - 00:15:12:19

Luna

Different types of materials, like how do you handle all of that?

00:15:12:21 - 00:15:14:18

Miss Butter

Oh, I have so many cleaning products.

00:15:15:00 - 00:15:18:20

Miss Butter

Yes, so many cleaning products.

00:15:19:07 - 00:15:26:17

Miss Butter

Yes. And they do have I have specific cleaning products for leather and for insert labels and yes.

00:15:26:18 - 00:15:27:06

Miss Butter

Use.

00:15:27:06 - 00:15:53:19

Miss Butter

Condoms on, you know, certainly if they're going to be shared among other people, you treat them just the same as if it was all the genital contact. So yeah, condoms that are changed regularly. And I also am very involved, at a time in Nature Academy, the Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy, which is a wonderful place. And the owner of that, Mr. Damiana, she.

00:15:53:21 - 00:15:55:06

Miss Butter

I don't know if she invented.

00:15:55:06 - 00:15:55:18

Miss Butter

It.

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Miss Butter

Or if it's something that was passed down to her, but she makes my favorite cleaning solution, which is half vodka, half water, and then these essential oils.

00:16:06:16 - 00:16:09:22

Miss Butter

It smells beautiful. It kills.

00:16:10:00 - 00:16:29:21

Miss Butter

All germs. It's, It's fantastic. So I have that always, And with it being in a spray, it can get into little nooks and crannies and things. I have a thumb cleaner for, leather things. I, I believe in cleaning anything that has touched anyone's skin.

00:16:29:21 - 00:16:32:00

Miss Butter

Yes. Yes. Total.

00:16:32:00 - 00:16:53:07

Luna

So and because you are a practiced dominant I get to ask you in terms of negotiation with a new partner who you might be playing with. Do you have procedures or protocols in place for that. Like what do you kind of like need before you feel comfy bringing someone new into your play space?

00:16:53:09 - 00:16:54:03

Miss Butter

Well.

00:16:54:05 - 00:17:24:17

Miss Butter

Honestly, for me the most important thing is to make sure that those conversations being being dominant, it's really important that I create a peer to peer space. So in those conversations, partners don't think that they need to tell me what I want to hear, that they can really speak candidly. And I think it's it's one of the most important things I can do in a negotiation is to foster that confidence in, people I'm talking to.

00:17:24:19 - 00:17:35:20

Miss Butter

And I think I really, I genuinely think it's the dominant that is, it's you can't have you can't have good play unless you unless you set the stage that way.

00:17:35:22 - 00:17:37:12

Miss Butter

Yeah. Yeah. Dude.

00:17:37:13 - 00:17:42:18

Luna

So I so true I should say mistress not dude, but,

00:17:42:20 - 00:17:43:00

Miss Butter

Oh.

00:17:43:00 - 00:17:50:04

Luna

What title do you. So do you always go by Miss Butter or what do you prefer title wise, to allow people to call you different things?

00:17:51:00 - 00:17:55:01

Miss Butter

I do, I used to have names that people could earn.

00:17:56:06 - 00:17:57:21

Miss Butter

Oh.

00:17:57:23 - 00:18:05:01

Miss Butter

I have some that only private. Only my only my private people can can use.

00:18:07:12 - 00:18:08:20

Miss Butter

I'm not going to say what they are.

00:18:08:20 - 00:18:09:12

Luna

No, no, no, no.

00:18:09:15 - 00:18:13:10

Miss Butter

Keep myself cool.

00:18:13:12 - 00:18:17:07

Miss Butter

I do, I miss I like miss a lot.

00:18:17:11 - 00:18:18:11

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:18:18:13 - 00:18:19:23

Miss Butter

Mistresses. Okay.

00:18:20:00 - 00:18:21:08

Miss Butter

Okay.

00:18:21:10 - 00:18:44:18

Miss Butter

I'm a very organic player, so. Yes. You know, it's something. If something feels right with a a particular person. You know, maybe it introduces me to a new feeling, and then I'm going to nurture that. So I'm. I'm pretty open. I, and I have no qualms about saying things I don't like, so.

00:18:44:18 - 00:18:46:01

Miss Butter

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

00:18:46:18 - 00:18:49:16

Miss Butter

You know, it's there's no confusion in my space.

00:18:49:18 - 00:19:15:18

Luna

I love that so much. I always tell a new lover, I love to know what you love. And I love to know if you need or want something different or simply feel inspired to have a shift in energy, you know, and going back to what you were saying a second ago, my origin story is, as a submissive, I often operate in top space nowadays, simply because I have accidentally learned too much in the past six years when I because I had similar to you.

00:19:15:18 - 00:19:34:19

Luna

I had a moment when I was 27, but I was like, why is sex really good? Sometimes and really not sometimes. Like, what the fuck is the difference what's happening here? You know? And so that was kind of like what kicked off my own, fixation on sex, like where it became my special interest and now I just can't stop.

00:19:34:19 - 00:19:36:12

Miss Butter

I want to learn everything, you know.

00:19:36:12 - 00:20:01:21

Luna

In in too deep of a way sometimes, but through through learning to facilitate. I realized that, you know, my submissive parts just want to sit back and relax. But also, I do seem to appear like an authority figure to most people. And I, you know, I'm sure that you have a lot of experience with this, but my insides are like used to be like, I don't know, I don't know, how could we ever talk enough for me to be able to lead you through an experience?

00:20:01:21 - 00:20:26:09

Luna

And it wasn't until I learned how to invite that back and forth conversation with someone who I'm maybe like, holding space for. I don't really identify as a dominant dominant, but like, I do exist in top space most of the time. And so that's something I really had to cultivate. Do you feel like it was something that has come more naturally to you, like you mentioned in your early origin story, that you liked the power and felt like you were in control?

00:20:26:09 - 00:20:31:20

Luna

Is that something that's always kind of been part of your Miss Butter feelings?

00:20:31:22 - 00:20:54:03

Miss Butter

Oh, absolutely. I, I just the other day, I was telling someone the story of my first kiss, and I think that was looking back on my life. That was probably the first. I didn't realize it then, but I think that was my first, like, really dreamy moment. And I was a child, I was young, I was 11 or.

00:20:54:03 - 00:20:54:21

Miss Butter

Something.

00:20:54:23 - 00:21:24:00

Miss Butter

And this, oh, this. My poor little terrified boyfriend. And I had decided, I decided one day, this is the day I'm going to be French kissed. I I've, I this I want this to happen right now and we were in our friend's pool house and he had this big like, rattan chair. It's my first throne. I guess. I guess.

00:21:24:02 - 00:21:28:15

Miss Butter

And there's just this little this thing that I was, I.

00:21:29:01 - 00:21:38:03

Miss Butter

So I said to him, do you know how to French kiss? I mean, I'm sure he didn't.

00:21:38:04 - 00:21:39:06

Miss Butter

Yeah, but he.

00:21:39:06 - 00:21:40:23

Miss Butter

Was not about to say that.

00:21:41:01 - 00:21:47:14

Miss Butter

I was like, yes, of course. And so I, I, like sit back my arms on the thing.

00:21:47:15 - 00:21:53:10

Miss Butter

On the sides, cross my legs and say, all right, come here. Prove it.

00:21:53:12 - 00:21:53:22

Miss Butter

To you.

00:21:54:00 - 00:22:01:09

Miss Butter

That was my first kiss. So, I think this has just been in me. I think this is just how I am.

00:22:01:11 - 00:22:03:08

Miss Butter

I love that.

00:22:03:10 - 00:22:29:19

Luna

Okay, I want to hear your whole story, but let's start with, like, what do you love about sex? And by sex, I mean all sorts of play, right? Like. And I think it's so like, why is that younger you was like, all right. I tried everything and now I'm going to focus on all the parts, not just the penetration parts, but like, what do you love about playing with another person in sexy ways?

00:22:29:21 - 00:23:05:13

Miss Butter

I mean, I think of myself, I do, I know that, I know what I love, I, I, I'm not kink specific. What I like is I like to be I should be the architect of fantasies. I like to be someone's fantasy like that. To me, that's what makes me feel otherworldly. You know, if I can, if I can align with someone in that way and I can get inside them in,

00:23:05:15 - 00:23:12:21

Miss Butter

In some way that's only been in their dreams. It just. It feels like real life magic. Yes.

00:23:12:23 - 00:23:16:08

Miss Butter

Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's what I love.

00:23:16:10 - 00:23:39:03

Miss Butter

So it's not really act specific. It's really this exchange and it's really. It's me that is so much more powerful than, you know, commanding someone around a room. And it may include that as well, but it's really just about being able to get inside them in that, in that connective kind of way.

00:23:39:05 - 00:23:41:06

Miss Butter

It's that's the most.

00:23:41:08 - 00:23:44:08

Miss Butter

Fulfilling thing to me. I love it, I love it so much.

00:23:44:09 - 00:24:07:15

Luna

I completely connect with that. Or at least I project that. I do like. Those words sound very close to how I feel. Okay. Tell us like, how did you learn everything? It sounds like I mean, it sounds like you did a lot of exploring, but maybe take us through your personal timeline with whatever feels relevant that you haven't shared yet.

00:24:07:15 - 00:24:27:18

Luna

And just like, tell us about the skills you've learned, the sensations like, you know, it sounds like the kink really is power exchange, but maybe that led to other turn ons and turn off that you've discovered throughout the course of the years. And I would also just love to hear what it's like to be with a partner of decades, because that's an experience I have not yet had.

00:24:28:13 - 00:24:51:01

Miss Butter

Yeah. And I can't really talk about my journey without talking about him because it's been shared. It's been a really shared journey. So had I talked about my younger years and even, like, I've just always been an adventurer, I've always wanted more and to try things and,

00:24:51:03 - 00:24:55:20

Miss Butter

You know, I was I was always looking for threesomes and.

00:24:55:22 - 00:25:01:12

Miss Butter

You know, like, yes, I do. I it for.

00:25:01:12 - 00:25:07:09

Miss Butter

So many years, that was just the pinnacle of like that. That's the height of sexual adventure in my head.

00:25:07:12 - 00:25:07:23

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:25:08:11 - 00:25:16:01

Luna

Do you have a specific or preferred configuration of threesome or that just as long as all parties are connected or whatever it is for you.

00:25:16:03 - 00:25:26:11

Miss Butter

That's that's evolved over the years? You know, when I was younger, it was always, you know, I had a male partner and I want to bring in another female.

00:25:26:13 - 00:25:27:17

Miss Butter

Okay.

00:25:27:19 - 00:25:44:13

Miss Butter

That's that's what it was for a long, long time. And even with my husband, who is also dominant. So we would co top and that's what. Oh, it's I like to say sometimes you need a mommy and daddy.

00:25:44:13 - 00:25:52:07

Miss Butter

Yes or two parent family.

00:25:52:09 - 00:25:54:07

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:25:55:14 - 00:26:28:10

Miss Butter

Yeah. So we for many many years only played together. Didn't do anything separate and it was exclusively with female partners. On occasion, there might be a boy that we'd like be a little flirty with. Or maybe I kid, I kiss or something mild, but never really anything real in-depth. And then we had a trip to Vegas.

00:26:28:12 - 00:26:31:01

Miss Butter

I like it, okay, but it sounds like whatever.

00:26:31:01 - 00:26:32:20

Luna

Happened there didn't necessarily stay.

00:26:32:20 - 00:26:37:01

Miss Butter

There. I was going to say, not all these damn Vegas.

00:26:37:17 - 00:26:59:18

Miss Butter

Yeah, we brought it was it was just one of those, like, magical self-exploration kind of things. My husband had always asked me for years and years and years. What what do you want to do? What are your fantasies? And I had no answers, because to me, I was living the fantasy. So literally doing everything we wanted to do.

00:26:59:20 - 00:27:03:00

Miss Butter

I'm so happy, I love everything.

00:27:03:02 - 00:27:08:03

Miss Butter

And then we went to Vegas and we went to a strip club.

00:27:08:05 - 00:27:09:22

Miss Butter

And we're.

00:27:09:22 - 00:27:22:06

Miss Butter

Sitting in this booth and or with our one of our best friends who is male, and he asked me if I'd ever kissed anyone with a tongue ring before. And I was like.

00:27:22:08 - 00:27:29:16

Miss Butter

No, it's like you want to, so.

00:27:29:16 - 00:27:52:08

Miss Butter

I'm sitting there making out with our best friend, and my husband starts putting his hands up my skirt, and there's like a wall of strippers watching us. And it was it did the whole thing to me. So we left there and I said, hey, you know how you're always asking me about fantasies and what I might want? So, yeah, what do you want?

00:27:52:08 - 00:27:53:20

Miss Butter

And I was like, boys, boys, boys.

00:27:53:22 - 00:28:04:08

Miss Butter

I want lots of boys. And he's just, he's he's so great. He was like, all right, what does that look like? What do we do? What do you want?

00:28:04:10 - 00:28:26:19

Miss Butter

And that it it in some ways like opened up his sexuality, opened up our marriage a little bit more because as I would find people that I was interested in, it didn't always make sense to play as a couple. So we found some comfort in that as we found kind of the right people to explore with in that way.

00:28:26:21 - 00:28:28:14

Miss Butter

00:28:28:16 - 00:28:30:13

Miss Butter

Is is really pivotal is.

00:28:30:13 - 00:28:32:06

Miss Butter

Really, oh my God, really.

00:28:32:08 - 00:28:54:19

Luna

I have a million tiny follow up questions. For example, like does dummy sexual for you imply by or pan or omni sexuality and like also tell us about your poly journey like a little more like when did it start coming? And also how does a dominant get with another dominate? Because if I'm at another like, you know, switches submissive leaning person, I'd be like.

00:28:56:16 - 00:29:00:13

Miss Butter

So like how, how how.

00:29:01:04 - 00:29:02:16

Miss Butter

Okay, so those are a lot of questions.

00:29:03:08 - 00:29:07:08

Luna

I'll remember if it's too much, I tend to overload 3 to 6 questions at a time.

00:29:07:15 - 00:29:07:21

Miss Butter

That's.

00:29:07:21 - 00:29:11:09

Miss Butter

Okay. But the dominant, dominant thing, you.

00:29:11:09 - 00:29:14:21

Miss Butter

Know, I don't know.

00:29:14:23 - 00:29:15:10

Miss Butter

You know.

00:29:15:10 - 00:29:16:02

Miss Butter

I.

00:29:16:04 - 00:29:37:14

Miss Butter

We talked earlier, you mentioned earlier that we're kind of female led in our day to day life, and it's it's interesting because sexually, we're kind of we're just equals. I like to say sometimes it's like you put two lions in a cage. You know, the energy is great. It's really, you know, we sort of like, level up, level.

00:29:37:14 - 00:29:43:07

Miss Butter

Up a fight. Good. In our life. So.

00:29:43:23 - 00:30:14:14

Miss Butter

It took a long time to really realize we'd never heard the term female lead. And sometimes it felt like maybe something was a little bit wrong with us. Like, he just wants to do what I say. Defer to me for most things. And. Sometimes there were a couple incidents where I felt like, well, that puts a lot of weight on me, and that didn't feel good.

00:30:14:16 - 00:30:19:03

Miss Butter

And actually at that moment when I was having that, it was just a particular incident.

00:30:19:09 - 00:30:19:23

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:30:21:12 - 00:30:42:14

Miss Butter

That is right. When I learned the term female led relationship and I thought, oh, you know what? Okay. I actually I really like the response. I like the feeling of being in charge of all this stuff. It's okay that in this one area I'm in charge and it doesn't feel as good because that's just part of the job.

00:30:42:16 - 00:31:03:02

Miss Butter

And it sort of helped me make peace with that moment that I, I felt a little, uncomfortable with, so it was having the right terms and knowing that something is a thing. That was my first experience of having that be really helpful to me.

00:31:03:02 - 00:31:04:04

Miss Butter

Going, oh.

00:31:04:06 - 00:31:11:16

Miss Butter

That's that's something that exists in the world. It's not something where out of step or wrong with right.

00:31:11:17 - 00:31:12:21

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:31:12:23 - 00:31:15:08

Luna

That seems very helpful.

00:31:15:10 - 00:31:24:12

Miss Butter

It was it it was. And especially the timing of it hitting that moment where,

00:31:24:14 - 00:31:34:07

Miss Butter

You know, I was really questioning, like, is this right? Is this an inequity? This is like, oh, no, it's just part of my role.

00:31:34:09 - 00:31:35:00

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:31:35:08 - 00:31:42:20

Miss Butter

That I actually really enjoy. And who has any kind of role that doesn't come with some part that's a little harder.

00:31:42:22 - 00:31:43:09

Miss Butter

Right? Right.

00:31:43:09 - 00:32:08:06

Luna

You know, yeah. Nothing is perfect or easy. And if it were like, we humans would not appreciate it because we need some struggle in order to, like, function or, you know, feel satisfaction. So when you met, were you both already identifying as kinky in the lifestyle and dominant, or was that something that you have? I mean, you've definitely evolved it together, but like where were you at in your respective journeys when you met?

00:32:08:06 - 00:32:15:10

Luna

Like you sounds like you were always in charge, but like, sounds like maybe the consciousness around what it all is, is, you know, growing, ever growing.

00:32:15:10 - 00:32:15:22

Miss Butter

Well.

00:32:16:00 - 00:32:26:03

Miss Butter

We used to have a very different opinion of kink and Bdsm. We actually kind of looked down our nose at structured Bdsm for many years.

00:32:26:05 - 00:32:27:15

Miss Butter

Okay. For decades.

00:32:27:15 - 00:32:28:20

Miss Butter

We kind of.

00:32:28:22 - 00:32:29:15

Miss Butter

Saw it.

00:32:31:14 - 00:32:43:09

Miss Butter

You know, I don't know, it just all seemed like a lot of bravado and people trying to sound more lofty and powerful than they really were.

00:32:43:09 - 00:32:49:01

Miss Butter

Sometimes it is that that does exist. It can be. Yeah. And.

00:32:49:01 - 00:33:10:06

Miss Butter

It, you know, we looking back what I would call what we were doing was really organic Bdsm. It was just stuff that was kind of in our nature. We would have partners and be really dominant with them. United girl, we we had a girlfriend. And you know, I would pick her clothes for her. I would okay her text messages.

00:33:10:06 - 00:33:39:04

Miss Butter

I would, you know, is very, very structured dominant stuff. But didn't really start studying it as a craft and a practice until our best friend actually the same ones. And the biggest story, was having some struggles in his life and decided to kind of lean into Bdsm a little bit, to sort of help with that.

00:33:39:08 - 00:33:39:17

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:33:39:17 - 00:34:06:18

Miss Butter

And he started studying it as a craft, and we have such respect for him. And it opened up all these conversations. And then we started studying it as a craft. And so, like the three of us would really just. Bounce ideas off each other and read books and share information and debate things and come up with good practices and fun dirty ideas.

00:34:06:18 - 00:34:07:21

Miss Butter

And.

00:34:07:23 - 00:34:29:05

Miss Butter

Weird nicknames and things to ourselves. And just like it was just so. It was so exciting and fun and it was so weird to be looking at this thing that we had done for so many years and have it kind of be a new again and sort of look at it under a magnifying glass of like, how can we grow this?

00:34:29:05 - 00:34:59:13

Miss Butter

How can we be better at it? Yeah. So it was, it was a neat, a really neat journey. And then, you know, as a female dominant, having my sort of comrades in arms being male, that was interesting. And I always wanted to have female, companions or female, like, what? What would be the word?

00:34:59:15 - 00:35:01:10

Luna

Colleagues? Contemporaries?

00:35:01:12 - 00:35:14:18

Miss Butter

Yes. Colleagues. Colleagues and contemporaries. Yeah, I really I really hungered for that. I had the sense that femme dominants can be a little bit different. But my background is like, I came up with male dance.

00:35:15:00 - 00:35:15:20

Miss Butter

Yeah, yeah.

00:35:16:22 - 00:35:41:16

Luna

Well, my experience, too is the lifestyle femme. And we are saying femme FEMA, which is different from fin, short for financial terms. I've they're rare. Is that you're. I mean, maybe you are in worlds with more of them. I have not come across very many like lifestyle. Some Doms personally, partly because I'm in lots of sex work worlds, but like, I'm like, where are they?

00:35:41:16 - 00:35:45:13

Luna

I want to hear from more of them, you know? So, yeah.

00:35:45:22 - 00:35:46:07

Miss Butter

There.

00:35:46:07 - 00:36:18:06

Miss Butter

It is a rare breed. It really is. And, I actually think so. How rare it is, I think is, kind of the cause of a lot of who I would consider the most abused population in the sex world is male submissives in the lifestyle arena, because when they find a female dominant, lifestyle female domme, they will very often.

00:36:18:07 - 00:36:19:08

Miss Butter

Just.

00:36:19:10 - 00:36:54:02

Miss Butter

Accept anything that is done to them just so that they can keep having that. It's scratched. And I, I've met quite a few really extremely abused, submissive men. I started actually doing submissive coaching, to help with that, to teach submissive men how to set boundaries for themselves. What is appropriate? Not appropriate, all kinds of things to keep themselves safe and empowered and just even know what they're rights are, what the the correct way to be treated is.

00:36:54:05 - 00:36:56:05

Miss Butter

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

00:36:56:06 - 00:36:57:04

Miss Butter

Yeah. That's so.

00:36:57:05 - 00:37:15:22

Luna

Interesting. Because also, just like through OnlyFans and Sex Panther, like on my end, I have met some of the naughtiest, most rudest supposedly submissives, you know, out there where I'm like, so maybe that's I wonder if there's a connection there. Probably. Okay, that's noodle gathering.

00:37:16:00 - 00:37:16:15

Miss Butter

Because I.

00:37:16:15 - 00:37:21:11

Miss Butter

Don't know. You know, sometimes there's there, there are. I just.

00:37:21:11 - 00:37:22:20

Miss Butter

00:37:22:22 - 00:37:40:20

Miss Butter

Was using this the other day with somebody that that they're our clients to who show up. And I don't think that they're truly submissive. They have submissive desires, but those people show up in a way like they think they can just order stuff off.

00:37:40:22 - 00:37:41:05

Miss Butter

You know.

00:37:41:07 - 00:37:44:01

Luna

Like total tying from the bottom. Yeah. Yeah.

00:37:44:03 - 00:37:44:07

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:37:44:07 - 00:38:09:02

Luna

And and without without my agreement. And then they just launch into all and I'm like whoa whoa whoa whoa. You're not you're like $4 tip doesn't no, hold on like hold on like, thank you. But let's slow down. But that that's such an interesting point. I'm so glad that you have that insight, because you have such a unique perspective for the decades of experience, both through lifestyle and now professional.

00:38:09:04 - 00:38:16:02

Luna

So you started out with coaching submissive in professional work, like sex related work?

00:38:16:04 - 00:38:18:10

Miss Butter

Yeah. I,

00:38:18:12 - 00:38:41:17

Miss Butter

I started a little, a little group called Sub Space and it's really it's really been satisfying. I initially started it with the thinking that it would be a group, kind of like a support it and discussion group. It never really gelled in that way. It actually turned into more one on one coaching.

00:38:41:18 - 00:38:56:19

Luna

Yep. Same with me and live streams. I'm like, okay, a lot of people are not quite ready for the types of group discussions that I would like love for us to have, you know, in certain places it can, but it's not. It's a I would think not everyone's there.

00:38:56:21 - 00:38:57:11

Miss Butter

Yeah. And it's a.

00:38:57:11 - 00:39:03:02

Miss Butter

Such a vulnerable thing. Yeah. Be doing that in front of multiple people.

00:39:03:04 - 00:39:05:08

Luna

And everyone mean it's very different.

00:39:05:10 - 00:39:28:07

Miss Butter

Yeah. And my initial thinking was that it would help submissives to be exposed to other submissive. So it helped sort of normalize it a little bit. Make them feel like, you know, they're not alone to feel and see their people. But it never quite. It's same experience as, you know, it never quite gel.

00:39:28:09 - 00:39:29:04

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:39:29:06 - 00:39:31:17

Miss Butter

I think there was another question in there.

00:39:31:19 - 00:39:38:18

Luna

It was more related to like specifics of poly stuff and like that kind of evolution.

00:39:38:20 - 00:40:21:03

Miss Butter

I mean, that was so our poly journey was interesting. We, so we started off exclusively dating and playing together as a couple. So we had shared girlfriend for a couple of years. Sure. Play partners and, our the, our longest term girlfriend really brought out a lot. We learned a lot in that experience. She was kind of a misfit for me, but a really good fit for him and not particularly great for our marriage.

00:40:21:05 - 00:40:31:15

Miss Butter

So our general party line is we don't bring anything into our lives if it doesn't fuel us and make us healthier and stronger.

00:40:31:17 - 00:40:34:17

Luna

Oh, I love that as a general guideline.

00:40:34:19 - 00:41:00:15

Miss Butter

Yeah. You know, there's just like this thinking in poly that, you know, one person can't be everything to you, and that's unfair to ask of them. So you can find those things elsewhere and, that, that it's actually more, more fair, more reasonable. And while that is true, it is also true that guess what? In life you don't get everything you want, right?

00:41:00:15 - 00:41:22:02

Miss Butter

So to have you kind of have to have, well, at least you don't have to have. But at least we have our priority is on our units. So we consider a overall happy, healthy life as nurturing those units not necessarily getting everything you want along the way.

00:41:22:08 - 00:41:23:09

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:41:23:11 - 00:41:48:18

Miss Butter

So, you know, our marriage is one unit and neither of us would ever bring anything else in that would ever hurt that unit. And as we've created other units, well, now the the eye on what will hurt units expands because I'm now not going to bring anything in that's going to hurt my unit with my husband or my unit with my, my submissive partner.

00:41:48:20 - 00:41:59:17

Miss Butter

Same for him. And, if we ever would have another partner, it would be the same. You just protect your unit. And that doesn't mean you need to pass on some things, because some things are not good.

00:41:59:21 - 00:42:01:22

Miss Butter

For.

00:42:02:00 - 00:42:04:08

Miss Butter

Your person, other people or that unit.

00:42:04:14 - 00:42:35:06

Luna

Yeah, I love that. And as a single person who more often dabbles in play with established units, my like baseline rule is like, are you guys solid? Because if I'm going to be here, I want to make sure that I am supporting the larger, energetic, whole you know, like, I may leave, I probably will leave. You guys are going to stay together and I, I can only get turned on if I think I'm, you know, a net positive for the whole thing and kind of like, sprinkle each other with energy, you know?

00:42:35:06 - 00:43:00:09

Luna

That said, I'm not a discarded bowl extension of anyone else's partner, right? Like I'm still a full person. And so it goes all the ways. But I'm like, yeah, let's let's fine. I love that you have that clear priority. That sounds like you're able to kind of articulate that as well. Did you do you have other community like do you have community in poly spaces, or was it something you kind of pioneered together in your own lives?

00:43:00:20 - 00:43:22:06

Miss Butter

We really pioneered this together. We do have a lot of poly friends and have been to poly events and, more and more that that circle of non-conventional humans, you know, just expands over the years. And you do learn from other people's experiences, hopefully.

00:43:22:08 - 00:43:26:22

Miss Butter

Yeah. Yeah. I have really the best.

00:43:27:00 - 00:43:55:14

Miss Butter

One of the best, best learning things that I actually can count on from another source is my husband's current, additional partner. They've been together for three years. She's. I'm so bananas crazy about her. She's so wonderful. So wonderful for him. Really wonderful for us. She's. She's great. My experience with her was so my husband always.

00:43:55:16 - 00:44:03:18

Miss Butter

It's always done something for him. He too, was very exciting for him to think that I have adventures outside of us. That's always been something that's like.

00:44:03:23 - 00:44:05:20

Miss Butter

I love that.

00:44:05:22 - 00:44:08:11

Miss Butter

Oh, he's very, you know, the term stag vixen?

00:44:08:13 - 00:44:23:14

Luna

Dude, I am open to having a stag. Or is it still a vixen? If I'm if it's two ladies and I have a dominant lady, whatever. I'm open to, like, dominant partners who get off on sharing me and like, reclaiming. Yes, I have so many reclamation fantasies.

00:44:23:16 - 00:44:27:04

Miss Butter

Oh, yeah. That's really. Yeah.

00:44:27:06 - 00:44:28:12

Miss Butter

So he's very stag.

00:44:28:12 - 00:44:30:11

Miss Butter

So he he really, he.

00:44:30:13 - 00:44:37:23

Miss Butter

Really loves the. I'm not nearly slutty enough for him.

00:44:38:01 - 00:44:38:18

Miss Butter

Okay.

00:44:38:19 - 00:44:41:00

Luna

Oh, I love knowing that the out there.

00:44:41:00 - 00:44:46:05

Miss Butter

Okay. Yeah. Cool. Yes. Love to his devices. I would.

00:44:46:06 - 00:44:49:07

Miss Butter

Want everything and then get everything I want.

00:44:49:09 - 00:44:52:07

Miss Butter

So. Yeah he is.

00:44:52:07 - 00:45:01:14

Miss Butter

So he's always been like that I've been a little more reticent. I have like it doesn't do as much for me for him to be exploring without me.

00:45:03:18 - 00:45:04:04

Miss Butter

We've been.

00:45:04:10 - 00:45:34:22

Miss Butter

Wired very differently in that way. Yeah. And so when we started exploring a little bit separately, along came his, his current girlfriend. And we initially went out on a date with her together and it just they had been talking online. It was during Covid. So they'd been talking texting so much and really developed this great rapport. And then when the three of us met, it just it didn't gel.

00:45:35:00 - 00:45:59:21

Miss Butter

She and I didn't gel in the same way. We liked each other a lot, but it wasn't the same kind of connection they had. Yeah. And she asked about going to get coffee with just him, and he immediately kind of had this little panic like, oh, oh, shoot. I don't think I explained that this is, like both of us are, none of us.

00:46:00:10 - 00:46:35:01

Miss Butter

So he he asked me about it. He asked if she wanted to go out, just the two of us. Is that how do we feel about that? Does that feel right? Does that film? We've never done anything like that. And, the her response to these discussions was so beautiful and really is what helped kind of open us up in a new way was she just said, I need you guys to be however you're comfortable and I don't want I don't want anything that you're not comfortable with.

00:46:35:18 - 00:46:46:02

Miss Butter

Do you think that that's something one day in the future you might feel comfortable with? And I thought about it and I thought, well, not right now.

00:46:46:04 - 00:46:48:07

Miss Butter

00:46:48:09 - 00:47:12:05

Miss Butter

But yes, I could imagine a world where maybe. And she said, great, let's just continue how we are and we'll see what happens. And just took a 100% pressure off of it. And I just felt so, Kind of heard and not pushed. And eventually there was like a scheduling conflict or something. And I just said, you know what?

00:47:12:05 - 00:47:13:08

Miss Butter

Just you go.

00:47:13:10 - 00:47:15:02

Miss Butter

I love that that's.

00:47:15:04 - 00:47:19:18

Luna

Such a beautiful example of trust building. That's gorgeous.

00:47:19:19 - 00:47:21:05

Miss Butter

Wow. And.

00:47:21:05 - 00:47:26:04

Luna

How was that? How was that for you? Once it once it happened?

00:47:26:06 - 00:47:28:13

Miss Butter

It was fine. Yeah, it was great.

00:47:28:15 - 00:48:05:23

Miss Butter

You know, because you then when you're really solid with your partner and you kind of realize, oh, you know, we are who we are regardless of what else is going on in their lives. And that's kind of I can't remember where I heard that, but it was sort of a like a poly secure kind of poly reassurance sort of thing was like, if you are genuinely getting everything you need from your partner, there attention, time, connection, chemistry, sex, love, discussions, whatever, whatever it is for you that you need from them.

00:48:06:01 - 00:48:11:06

Miss Butter

If you're genuinely getting all of those things, what does it matter what else they're doing?

00:48:11:08 - 00:48:14:04

Miss Butter

Totally right. Totally.

00:48:14:20 - 00:48:25:07

Miss Butter

And so I really felt that. I really felt that, like, it just didn't change anything between us. And here we are many years later. Oh.

00:48:25:09 - 00:48:48:15

Luna

Okay. I'm. I am admittedly obsessed with sex work for the last four years or so. I would love to hear. I want to hear more about specifics of things you've discovered that you enjoy, but like sensations, things you've given. But maybe we transition into like, how did you decide to go just from, you know, organic lifestyle to sounds like more formal.

00:48:48:15 - 00:48:51:00

Luna

Would you use the food formal or structured?

00:48:51:00 - 00:48:54:00

Miss Butter

Perhaps either of those.

00:48:54:00 - 00:49:10:20

Luna

Okay. And then and then into like, actually, I'm going to offer these gifts to other people who otherwise may not have access to me. Like what was that kind of transition like, what's it been like for you? How does your sexuality play into, you know, working with people? Like, what is it like?

00:49:12:11 - 00:49:27:05

Miss Butter

It again, this is like one I think this is the thing about being open to, you know, however your sex life unfolds is things get to be all new again.

00:49:27:10 - 00:49:29:08

Miss Butter

You know, you like.

00:49:29:10 - 00:49:50:05

Miss Butter

Accept these new adventures and journey parts of your journey into your life. So for me, once we started kind of studying this as a craft, I hit a bit of a wall. There were some things I wanted to learn that I thought were really important to not be self-taught. I really thought, I need to learn this from a master.

00:49:50:05 - 00:49:54:13

Miss Butter

You know, if I wanted to learn a lot of things that were safety related.

00:49:54:15 - 00:49:57:13

Miss Butter

Needles. Yeah. Medical. Yeah.

00:49:57:15 - 00:49:58:05

Miss Butter

That kind of thing.

00:49:58:07 - 00:50:02:16

Luna

But what what else actually, like impact? Could you be a little specific?

00:50:03:09 - 00:50:28:19

Miss Butter

Really specifically suspension and medical play. Those were the two things that I really wanted to learn. And I really thought that safety wise, they were I didn't feel comfortable exploring them on my own and having a partner be a guinea pig in that way. Yeah. Anything where you could do actual, real physical damage, I just didn't feel comfortable.

00:50:28:21 - 00:50:29:02

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:50:29:03 - 00:50:51:23

Miss Butter

More than learning new things. It was sort of affirming, and it really helped. Like, it really gave me moments to sit and evaluate what I was doing and why it worked, and why what parts maybe could be tweaked or improved. So it's more of like, you know, a lot of people come to the academy and they're sort of, you know, they're very green.

00:50:51:23 - 00:51:21:16

Miss Butter

They're learning this stuff from scratch. For me, it was a little bit more of just a self evaluation and really a means to get to the advanced work, which you couldn't do without going through this beginning piece. So at the end of going through that, you know, any time people would ask anything about being pro at the time I had been developing kink products, I was doing some coaching, just kind of pro, you know?

00:51:21:20 - 00:51:22:02

Miss Butter

Yeah.

00:51:22:03 - 00:51:23:08

Miss Butter

And I wasn't.

00:51:23:08 - 00:51:53:17

Miss Butter

Doing sessions, but I was, you know, doing some stuff that was, you know, a little professional, so I thought, you know, I'll try it because I was finding in my coaching that I would very often say, well, as a lifestyle, x, Y, and Z. And I think as a pro it would be this way. And I thought, you know, at a bare minimum, I should at least be able to answer those questions and understand what it is to be a pro.

00:51:53:17 - 00:51:56:07

Miss Butter

So I thought, worst case scenario, I'll do this for a year.

00:51:56:08 - 00:51:57:06

Miss Butter

And I'll have.

00:51:57:06 - 00:51:59:02

Miss Butter

An understanding that world.

00:51:59:04 - 00:52:03:12

Miss Butter

Totally. And after my first client.

00:52:03:12 - 00:52:10:01

Miss Butter

My first experience, I was like, I can't believe I'm being paid for this. I've been doing this just for fun for.

00:52:10:01 - 00:52:12:21

Miss Butter

2 or 25 years.

00:52:12:23 - 00:52:20:01

Luna

I really like so hard. And now every time I meet someone else and I'm like, you, you should. You want to charge for this?

00:52:20:06 - 00:52:22:23

Miss Butter

Okay, well.

00:52:23:00 - 00:52:28:01

Miss Butter

It was like just being paid to be myself. It was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing.

00:52:28:06 - 00:52:57:21

Miss Butter

It was so fun. So I've been I'm spectacularly selective about who I will see as a client. Yeah. I decided the one the boundaries that I put on myself when I started as a pro was that I wouldn't do any work that, didn't focus on me in some way. So either with a person I like or it's someone I would have played with regardless.

00:52:57:23 - 00:53:00:03

Miss Butter

00:53:00:05 - 00:53:25:16

Miss Butter

I want it to be. I want it to be fulfilling. I want it to be genuine. I am very genuine in my, Yeah. If I accept a client, this is real for me. This is absolutely this is. I'm not putting on a show persona. I am there, with my heart. And I really, really engage the whole human.

00:53:25:16 - 00:53:49:18

Miss Butter

It's it's, it's very real for me. And I didn't want to ruin. I didn't want to ruin what this is for me. So I'm very committed to keeping it that way. And, I didn't want it to turn into a task, a job, chore as something I have to do. I just didn't want to kill that.

00:53:49:19 - 00:53:50:19

Miss Butter

That joy.

00:53:50:21 - 00:53:54:23

Miss Butter

I totally get it. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool.

00:53:55:00 - 00:54:08:04

Luna

Have you learned new things about being a dominant sense, working professionally as one? Or do you feel like it's just continuing to kind of like, unfold? You?

00:54:08:20 - 00:54:09:22

Miss Butter

I don't know.

00:54:09:22 - 00:54:39:06

Miss Butter

I know, I think it's it definitely maybe just continuing to unfold me. I really they don't land with me like professional engagements. They really just feel like relationships. And I, I mostly have regulars because I'm so selective about who I will do sessions with. You know, I generally have a really good sense of like, we're going to we're meant to be connected.

00:54:41:12 - 00:55:11:01

Miss Butter

So yeah, I, I they, they, they really feel like life style relationships. I let them build slowly. Anyone who's going to be coming to me understands that, that they're not going to be like we were talking about earlier. They're not coming to me and just checking stuff off the menu. In fact, I have one client who, he'd been through, like, every single one of the the dorms in this city.

00:55:11:03 - 00:55:30:12

Miss Butter

And, you know, they would just give him his kink immediately because it was his kink, and that's what he wanted. And, I don't know, I just had a sense with this guy, like, we, we need to build a relationship. So actually, for that one thing that he wanted, I made him wait till our one year anniversary for good.

00:55:30:12 - 00:55:31:18

Miss Butter

00:55:31:20 - 00:55:47:05

Luna

Oh, my gosh. Also, just phenomenal on so many levels. As is when I put on my submissive hat. I'm like the idea of just like ordering what I want from someone who's topping me does not. I'm like, well then it's not.

00:55:47:07 - 00:55:48:05

Miss Butter

It's not satisfying.

00:55:48:07 - 00:56:26:16

Luna

It's not the thing. Yeah. You know, but I really love establishing what the permissions are, what the curiosity are and then session to session, you know, updating that like like I definitely have been in situations where I'm like, you know, in theory, yes, I want to explore Golden Shower and today, actually not today, you know, like and so kind of just checking in about what the, what the wide net of yes is and then kind of like getting specific but also for me there's some stuff like had I not been exploring my submissive parts, I don't think I ever would have licked an asshole, like I would've been too nervous, but like to have someone

00:56:26:16 - 00:56:53:23

Luna

who was just like, you know, we established that like, yes, maybe that would be okay. And then one day it was like sprung on me and I was like, do I need to say no? I want to try it, you know? And it's like, that's it's so much more for me, empowering and gratifying and relationship building. And that that to me is what creates, not just a strong dynamic, but mutual power and growth through the exchange of a dynamic.

00:56:54:01 - 00:57:09:16

Luna

And that is the part that I think is so beautiful. But do you I mean, it sounds like you really just have, like, dumb power in spades. Do you ever get tired of holding the container or is it ever effortful or or is it really? It seems like it feeds you.

00:57:09:18 - 00:57:10:00

Miss Butter

Oh, it.

00:57:10:00 - 00:57:32:04

Miss Butter

Absolutely feeds me. I it's my it's my happy place. It is what is filling to me like I it does not. I it doesn't feel like a chore. It just feels like space to be who I am. I love it, I, I get most uncomfortable when I'm not in control.

00:57:32:09 - 00:57:36:04

Miss Butter

Okay.

00:57:36:06 - 00:57:43:00

Miss Butter

That's a little part of my journey that I'm not trying to make peace with. Because you can't in life, you can't always have control.

00:57:43:01 - 00:58:05:12

Luna

No matter how in control we think we are. The world. The universe has other plans. Like there are always unexpected things. And you know, sitting in the discomfort is what I'm learning, you know? And it's also why I'm like, in charge of so many things in my regular life. And then I just want to, like, lay down sometimes and be a dumb little slut, you know, and that's, that's when it gets really fun.

00:58:06:05 - 00:58:12:13

Miss Butter

So I love that I'm a little fluffy. Hee hee hee hee hee hee. So what, like.

00:58:12:15 - 00:58:40:12

Luna

Sensations or tools or, like, scenes, have you administered that stand out? I mean, just I, I'm a sensation, like a high sensation seeking slut. Like, I really, really love to, like, explore all things. What have you discovered that you are like into administering? Of course, this is with the given that you said earlier of like it really is dependent on the person and what they like, but like what are some things that you've discovered you really love playing with?

00:58:40:12 - 00:58:43:23

Luna

What are some toys you like using on your human toys?

00:58:44:01 - 00:59:12:06

Miss Butter

Oh, okay. So. Oh, that's just I've got this. I'm an artist and I'm creative, so, very, so, like, I, I love to create spaces. That's one thing I had, I had one client who I would tell them bedtime stories to, and one of them was about her being the princess of slut topia.

00:59:12:07 - 00:59:12:22

Miss Butter

And I did this.

00:59:12:22 - 00:59:43:04

Miss Butter

Whole, like, weird alien planet thing, and the client in their head really turned this into this massive fantasy. So they came to me and I'm like, I really want to go to slut topia. Like, how do we if can we do a fantasy thing? Can you talk about that more? And I was like, I got you. And so I actually transformed the whole play space into, into, another planet.

00:59:43:04 - 01:00:03:07

Miss Butter

I did vines and Sound effects and we did, I call her Daisy. So I had this field of sparkle Daisy, these little light up things I made her, she had to do. She was going to be a warrior to defend the planet. And so she had to get her warrior armor, which was all latex.

01:00:03:13 - 01:00:05:00

Miss Butter

Yeah.

01:00:05:02 - 01:00:21:01

Miss Butter

And then she had. She had a warrior ritual she had to go through in the field of sparkle daisies. And, I had, I had recorded, like, a video message from the invading party that was going to come.

01:00:21:01 - 01:00:24:06

Miss Butter

And it was a whole elaborate.

01:00:24:07 - 01:00:25:23

Miss Butter

So I love that, like creating.

01:00:26:04 - 01:00:27:16

Miss Butter

So great.

01:00:28:03 - 01:00:46:03

Miss Butter

It was so fun. If I have someone to have someone who needs pain. That's a special kind of satisfaction to offer to someone that when they really need it and you can see.

01:00:46:05 - 01:00:47:04

Miss Butter

The.

01:00:47:06 - 01:01:25:08

Miss Butter

Release that you're giving them, that's such a beautiful thing for me and I've, I so I if I ever am with someone like that coming up with unique ways to deliver that pain, things that they don't expect. But, actually, a year ago today, I had a birthday session with one such client and she, gave him we had him strapped to this, it's a very cool padded wall thing that you're strapped to, and you can spin the person on this spin.

01:01:25:09 - 01:01:26:23

Miss Butter

It's it's a bananas.

01:01:27:00 - 01:01:28:01

Miss Butter

Oh, my gosh.

01:01:28:01 - 01:01:42:16

Miss Butter

Strapped to this wall. And then brought over a birthday cake with birthday candles and, brought it in front of him so he could make a wish, but then took it away and then put the candles out on him. Oh.

01:01:42:18 - 01:01:45:17

Miss Butter

That was that was.

01:01:45:19 - 01:02:06:18

Miss Butter

Was really fun. Oh, so I like things that aren't conventional. I like to, like, invent a new thing. Convertibles are fun, you know. You know the term. No, it means taking, an everyday average item, a spatula.

01:02:07:07 - 01:02:12:10

Miss Butter

PaRappa? Because the reasons.

01:02:12:10 - 01:02:13:07

Miss Butter

Are my favorite.

01:02:13:07 - 01:02:15:06

Luna

I love them.

01:02:15:07 - 01:02:44:12

Miss Butter

Well, you know, my favorite use of a hairbrush is, So I like to do something I call middle care. Which is especially for doing something painful. And hairbrushes are perfect for this sort of spanking. Someone with a hairbrush to sort of stop mid spank and then brush their hair, and give them that kind of like, oh, I'm actually being cared for and.

01:02:44:12 - 01:02:45:11

Miss Butter

Oh.

01:02:45:13 - 01:02:47:19

Miss Butter

Okay. And this is giving me a moment to breathe.

01:02:47:19 - 01:02:48:16

Miss Butter

Yeah.

01:02:48:18 - 01:03:08:09

Miss Butter

And it, you know, gives them a little bit more juice sometimes to go further, deeper, trust a little bit more feel seen if your timing not really with what they need. So I like to keep an eye out for middle care if that's needed. And hairbrushes are my favorite for that. Oh.

01:03:08:11 - 01:03:09:02

Miss Butter

Yummy.

01:03:09:02 - 01:03:10:12

Luna

Oh my gosh. I've never had any.

01:03:10:14 - 01:03:11:11

Miss Butter

Delicious, right?

01:03:11:11 - 01:03:28:07

Luna

I mean, I've had a lot of experience receiving hairbrushes but not getting my hair brushed. Wow. That's beautiful. It sounds like you identify as a nurturer first and foremost. Does that feel accurate?

01:03:28:09 - 01:03:55:18

Miss Butter

Yeah, absolutely. If I don't feel like this is good for you as a human, I'm not interested in doing it. Yeah, it's a in. And my favorite is I kind of, I've been dissecting and studying how, you know, I mean, we all kind of know and have experienced that as a byproduct of Bdsm, healing can happen. Trauma healing in particular.

01:03:55:19 - 01:04:19:09

Miss Butter

I really look at that under a magnifying glass, and I try to do that with intent and purpose. So I've sort of dissected. What creates that healing so that I can do it, intentionally. And that to me is, is, yeah, I'm a nurturer. I it's it's what I, it's what I love.

01:04:19:11 - 01:04:42:07

Luna

It's so beautiful. It's so powerful. I know that just speaking from personal experience, the first time that I had a person who I felt really could hold me in this space of affirming me, it was the first time in my adult life that I'd haven't had another human be like, yep, you're a super slut, and I love that about you, you know?

01:04:42:07 - 01:05:10:12

Luna

And and that it was that relationship and connection that caused me to be very passionate about helping other people talk about sex. And now, you know, now I'm in the space where I'm able to hold that space for other people in various forms, right? Whether I am behind the camera capturing professionals, we're going to post stuff on their OnlyFans or couples who are, you know, creating their own unique thing or joining a couple or whatever it is, you know, wherever I am.

01:05:10:14 - 01:05:29:20

Luna

Like, that's what creates the gratification for me, just having it's such a huge, beautiful gift to be nurtured in that space. What does aftercare look like for you? And I would love to hear you talk about receiving and you can still be in control. We don't have to talk about you being out of control, but like, you know, like what?

01:05:29:20 - 01:05:40:15

Luna

What do you love to receive and what makes you feel really good or for care or your own middle care? You know, like what? What do you need as a dominant to feel imbalance.

01:05:45:02 - 01:05:46:16

Miss Butter

Well.

01:05:46:18 - 01:05:52:00

Miss Butter

After care is really special. I used to actually say that aftercare was kind of my, my one of my biggest kinks.

01:05:52:00 - 01:05:52:11

Miss Butter

Yeah.

01:05:52:11 - 01:05:58:13

Miss Butter

It's that that's really that.

01:05:58:15 - 01:06:26:12

Miss Butter

You know, that's what's going to stay. That's that's like the fallout of the place. So if you've done the play right, whatever that feeling is in the end there where you're catching somebody that's what takes the, you know, whatever you've created in play and make it lasting and make it healing and, I feel very physical. I really I think physical connection and touch is so important.

01:06:26:12 - 01:06:38:17

Miss Butter

I. I like to imagine that, that I don't know if this really happens at all, but I like to imagine, like, our heartbeats synchronize. You know, if you.

01:06:38:21 - 01:06:52:15

Luna

Think they do, I, I think there are many now neuroscientists coming up that even like people listening to the same stories start to breathe in rhythm, like they're like our molecules will sync up. So it's like, that probably is happening.

01:06:52:17 - 01:06:57:07

Miss Butter

Feels like it. And that's always kind of my goal is like I try to synchronize our breathing.

01:06:57:07 - 01:06:58:05

Miss Butter

Yes.

01:06:58:17 - 01:07:06:16

Miss Butter

You know, it really looks different for each person because some people, that kind of intimacy is going to be invasive and not right for them.

01:07:06:17 - 01:07:07:07

Miss Butter

01:07:07:21 - 01:07:19:22

Miss Butter

So it's really it's it's really being aware of your human and what they need to like be brought back to earth. Really.

01:07:20:00 - 01:07:20:07

Miss Butter

Yeah.

01:07:21:10 - 01:07:27:09

Miss Butter

You know, I can't send them out semi drunk.

01:07:27:11 - 01:07:29:17

Miss Butter

Nope. There.

01:07:29:18 - 01:07:51:20

Luna

There was a time you know, so I had like, my early, like, intense kink experiences. I took a break for a while, then, like, reconnected with a partner and had like we definitely talked about it, but it was not as formal of a dynamic as I was used to. And I got the shit out of me. And it wasn't until I was like, in the car driving that I was like, I should be driving right now.

01:07:51:21 - 01:07:57:07

Luna

I got to pull up. I'm basically endorphin high, so I like sat and had coffee for a while to like come down because I.

01:07:57:07 - 01:08:01:15

Miss Butter

Was like, oh, I didn't realize what I just did. Yeah, no, you.

01:08:01:15 - 01:08:03:00

Miss Butter

Have to like you.

01:08:03:00 - 01:08:04:13

Miss Butter

It's yeah.

01:08:04:15 - 01:08:11:04

Miss Butter

Yeah, come back to Earth. Whatever that, whatever that means for that scene, that person, whatever you cannot leave.

01:08:11:06 - 01:08:15:12

Miss Butter

Can't just drop them off a cliff. This is not good.

01:08:15:14 - 01:08:23:09

Luna

But you see it. Textures of toys or favorite anything? Or is it really just person specific? Like what? What do you discover there about yourself?

01:08:23:11 - 01:08:25:06

Miss Butter

Oh, person specific for sure.

01:08:25:11 - 01:08:25:19

Miss Butter

Okay.

01:08:26:01 - 01:08:35:11