listen now

40s Trans Black Femme, power bottom, single-but-dating, Los Angeles-based, into: kissing, dirty talk, equality in bed, open sex talk, gangbangs.

🔗 SYDNEY LINKS | @missbarbieqla

share your thoughts / share a story

apply to be a guest

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:25:20

Luna

And our guest today is a 40 something trans black femme power bottom who has been single the dating for eight ish years. She's into vanilla two more in-depth sexual encounters including kissing, dirty talk, understanding equality in the bed and loves a partner with open sex communication and also, like me, dreams of gang bangs. An LA based creator originally from San Gabriel Valley.

00:00:25:22 - 00:00:32:20

She has aspirations in politics with open dialog of the underserved populations. Please welcome Sydney.

00:00:32:22 - 00:00:41:10

Sydney

Thank you so much for having me. Very, very excited to be here and all that excitement.

00:00:41:12 - 00:01:06:03

I am so excited to have you here. We met. Can I say that we, like, already met in person a little bit and just got to talking? Yeah, okay. Because I feel like the sex stories unfolded so naturally between us. I was very, very excited when we got to, you know, take the conversation to the recording. And I wanted to just give our listeners a little preview, because right before we hit record, you were giving me some, like, dating wisdom that had to do with, face timing.

00:01:06:04 - 00:01:08:22

Can you just give a little recap for us?

00:01:09:00 - 00:01:33:02

Yes. It was. It was one of those things I've learned over the years of, like, dating and stuff of like it goes in phases, right? Like, you meet online or you meet wherever phase, and then you start texting and phone call phase, and then I call it the face time test, right where you finally text face time the person, and then he's fuckin jacking off in you face.

00:01:33:02 - 00:01:51:17

Time him and this happened with like, doctors in Greece, guys in London, a guy in New York, some guy I just met in L.A. that happens in so many different levels that will face time and they'll go, oh my God, you're so beautiful. Oh my God, your lips are so hot. Oh my God, I wanna fuck you. Oh my God.

00:01:51:17 - 00:01:54:23

And I'm like, I just said hello.

00:01:55:01 - 00:01:58:17

So this is like right at the very beginning. It's not like midway through he texted.

00:01:58:17 - 00:02:03:01

Me for me like like this. Like first phase. Yeah. Like like like our first.

00:02:03:01 - 00:02:22:19

Time phase three. And then. And then when they are jacking up, I'm like, oh, you're jacking up. Like you couldn't, like, hold a conversation. So usually that's like a. I'm like, yeah. Because if you can't even if you're already going 0 to 10, where are you going to go from there.

00:02:22:23 - 00:02:28:23

Also pay for that. Like if you don't if you're not making a human. I'm just saying that's that's not very human like.

00:02:29:00 - 00:02:30:03

I think.

00:02:30:05 - 00:02:48:21

That's the thing I realize is that, that they, they see a trans woman, a black trans woman. She's pretty, she's voluptuous. Just nice lips. They're like, oh, I can talk sexy to her. Oh, I can talk dirty to her. Oh, I can jack up like I've literally had guys tell me I'm jacking up to your pictures right now.

00:02:48:23 - 00:03:11:11

And I'm like, should I take my picture? There's one picture I have with me, like, licking my lips, and you can see my feet in the background. Girl, that picture. And I was just liking my lip gloss that night. I just took a picture because I like my lip gloss. At night. I had my pedicure. Whatever that picture got so much play.

00:03:11:13 - 00:03:26:17

Oh, I had to take it down. I had to take it down. It was too much like like guys, guys, guys were like, I love your feet and let me see your lips. I love your lips. Let me see your lips, your lips and your feet. I was like, good okay. Yeah, yeah. That's right.

00:03:26:18 - 00:03:35:00

And I just to be clear, that's not like on a platform like OnlyFans or Sex Panther. No. Just like in your gyms, on Instagram.

00:03:35:04 - 00:03:40:15

In and not know that I have this picture on. Okay I am on some app.

00:03:40:17 - 00:03:41:11

Yeah.

00:03:41:13 - 00:04:07:05

There's one called. Yeah there's one called Trans app just for trans girls and their admirers. There's one called Meet Me, which is pretty much open to everybody, but they're pretty trans friendly, pretty trans friendly, and of course, among Grindr. Okay, so but I use I got banned from Tinder. What? Tinder if you're out there. Tinder if you're out there, you suck.

00:04:07:07 - 00:04:24:07

Yeah. They banned me from to some guy I told some guy I was trans like he didn't read my profile and he was like, what do you mean? No? I was like, I was like, I'm trans. Because what is trans mean? I mean, what is trans mean? And so I explained it to him. He goes, oh my God, you're a man.

00:04:24:09 - 00:04:36:18

Click. And then all of a sudden I got banned like tinder's like you've been, you've been accused of fraud, blah blah, blah blah blah, fraud. You've been accused of fraud. Therefore we are banning you.

00:04:36:20 - 00:04:38:20

Damn.

00:04:38:22 - 00:04:57:17

Yeah. I was like, oh. And so I was like, well, fine. And then I emailed them and said, this might be coming from somebody who's transphobic. Can you look into this? I've been on here for, you know, a number of years, never had any problem. And then they were like, no, we're sticking by our decision.

00:04:57:19 - 00:05:01:18

You okay? Damn. I'm so sorry.

00:05:01:20 - 00:05:06:14

And if you get banned from Tinder, you get banned from Bumble because they're all the same company.

00:05:06:16 - 00:05:13:04

Dude. Okay, well, it's sort of sounds like your thirst traps maybe break the internet, so.

00:05:13:06 - 00:05:24:06

Well, you're. Let's let's get into your details. Like I'm just thankful too much. Yeah.

00:05:24:07 - 00:05:46:01

Start out by telling us, like, I like to do a little umbrella overview. Yeah. Rate yourself on a sexual shame meter from the way you feel inside. Shame, you guys. If ten is the most full of shame and zero is like, I don't have any fucking shame, where does your shame meter fall today and win, if ever over the years, has it squiggle up or down?

00:05:46:03 - 00:05:48:17

That's an amazing question actually.

00:05:48:19 - 00:05:50:09

Thanks.

00:05:50:11 - 00:06:07:00

It it really is, because I think about. How I've evolved as a trans person. Point Mickey Boy to non-binary to trans. And if you're asking me as a gay boy, my seem a meter would have been like ten.

00:06:07:06 - 00:06:07:16

00:06:07:16 - 00:06:27:20

A nine. And because I was just ashamed of, like, being gay, being black, being like, in sex, you know, everyone else is having sex. All these, you know, all these things. I didn't have sex, and I was pretty, like, you know, but for my past trauma and all this stuff, then, as I like, I came out as non-binary trans in 2016.

00:06:27:22 - 00:06:55:12

Now I just dropped the day. Them last year in 2023. No bullshit. So now my shame meter is maybe like two. Okay, you know, if that, you know, if that. And it might, it might come from like being older or my body or those kinds of things. But shame for sex. For sex of shame. No, no, no.

00:06:55:17 - 00:07:16:11

So it's a shame so much. And because of the kinds of sex that I've had and the kinds of sex that I want to have, it's very different of, like I notice people come to me with their own shame. Yeah. I want to, like, all of a sudden your fucking therapist, like, going, it's okay that you want to fingering your ass.

00:07:16:11 - 00:07:21:16

It's okay. You know, it's okay if you want to pee on somebody, it's okay.

00:07:21:18 - 00:07:23:07

You know? It's like I find.

00:07:23:07 - 00:07:45:23

Myself a colleague giving guys permission to, like, explore their sexuality, right? To explore it. And all of a sudden I become, like, not not Sydney, the sex pot, but Sydney, the fucking sex therapist, where I'm like, I just want you to fuck me, but I want to talk to you about my childhood. Now, you know? So, so, so right.

00:07:46:03 - 00:07:54:17

So if I there is like a great I'll see to. It's still not like all the way gone. I think I've also had to work in progress. Does it make.

00:07:54:17 - 00:08:09:12

Sense. Oh yeah, I, I really relate to so much of what you said in my own way, of course. And like. Yeah, especially dating in my personal life, I'm like, no, I'm not the therapist. You go to therapy separately.

00:08:09:14 - 00:08:10:09

With therapy.

00:08:10:09 - 00:08:30:18

But but I also I'm learning so much about just masculinity in this country and how the containers around it have sort of like turned the fill in the blank woman figure into the therapist, and then add on top of that, like our expertise with sex because of whatever reason, it's it's.

00:08:30:20 - 00:08:32:14

You know.

00:08:32:16 - 00:08:47:05

Okay, so so before we get into like the details of what you love about sex, I first want to start with health and safety practices. What do you need to feel safe during sex?

00:08:47:07 - 00:09:07:21

Oh gosh. What do I need to feel safe? What do I need to do? I need to know that the person I'm with isn't afraid to talk about testing. Like. Like that's always a red flag when I ask a guy, you know, have you been tested? And I you asked me that because. Because you're going to stick your dick in me.

00:09:07:23 - 00:09:23:06

That's why, you know. Or, you know, if they get all weird about, like, I don't know if I've been tested or I look on their, on their, on their profile and they haven't been tested since like 2021 girl.

00:09:23:08 - 00:09:24:00

Right.

00:09:24:02 - 00:09:44:18

Just like so I'm like young I'm tests the 2021. That's insane. Right? That stuff like that. I'm very very I used to be very shy about like, well, I'm just glad that he's supposed to have sex with me, so I'm not going to ask him about condoms. I'm not going to ask him about it. Lube. I'm not gonna ask him about STDs.

00:09:44:21 - 00:10:16:12

I'm not going to ask him about anything. I'm just glad someone wants to have sex with me now. Yeah. Now I'm like, I got my own lube. I got my own condom. Right? And we even want to use condoms because I'm a bareback kind of girl, you know, like, like bread and all that stuff. So there's even more trust that needs to go in, because, you know, if we're going to go that far and get that dirty and nasty, you need to be like clean, clean and and we say positive and negative in our community.

00:10:16:12 - 00:10:19:08

We don't ever say we never say clean and dirty. Yeah.

00:10:19:10 - 00:10:22:03

Or clear. I've heard clear instead of clean. Yeah.

00:10:22:04 - 00:10:28:06

Me too. Yeah. That's right. Yeah exactly. I got, I got I test clear all the time and I was like clear. It doesn't mean your thumb is clear.

00:10:28:08 - 00:10:32:03

00:10:32:05 - 00:10:38:12

Clear comes that like a new, new fad. Is that what that is? Just water? No.

00:10:38:14 - 00:10:39:16

So,

00:10:39:18 - 00:10:58:01

So, so when it comes to sex and stuff, I have no problem. Like putting off sex until, like, you both, we both get tested, and we both show each other the test results. I go to Kaiser, you can bring up the results. Not no problem. And they're like, well, I want to fuck you now. And I'm like, that's nice.

00:10:58:01 - 00:11:24:16

But you know, if we're going to have sex the way I want to have sex. Yes, you know, bring it right. You want to have sex the way I want to have sex. I want to know that I'm not going to walk away with gonorrhea is please, you know, HPV, you know, all kinds of stuff. Right? And, and and if someone gets all weird about it, again, another test of, like, you can go block and go spread your sex with someone else.

00:11:24:18 - 00:11:26:14

Yeah. It's one of those things.

00:11:26:18 - 00:11:31:23

It's worth it. And you're laughing and I, I'm laughing because it took.

00:11:31:23 - 00:11:33:07

My brain a second to.

00:11:33:07 - 00:11:41:10

Brush this prejudice list somewhere else. And then I just. And now I'm just seeing it on a T-shirt.

00:11:41:12 - 00:11:43:00

It's registered.

00:11:43:02 - 00:11:46:11

I would wear that T-shirt, but like. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

00:11:46:13 - 00:12:12:13

It's one of those things that that, guys think they don't have to. Well, I'm. No, I talked to women to some people don't think that they have to discuss these things or get they're like, that's really dirty, right? To discuss sexual health. Yeah. But I'm like, I'm like, wait, you just had like, three guys coming. You and you don't want to talk about, like, STDs and stuff.

00:12:12:15 - 00:12:16:08

Oh, my God, that's so gross. I was like, wait, hold on, hold on.

00:12:16:08 - 00:12:18:20

Yeah, we.

00:12:18:22 - 00:12:23:11

Did, but you don't want to talk about getting tested for HIV.

00:12:23:13 - 00:12:24:02

00:12:24:04 - 00:12:39:13

Yeah, it's it's a double double standard. Right. And and and of course guys asking me when's the last time you get that question all the time. Was the last time you had sex? And one time I said I had sex last night.

00:12:39:15 - 00:12:40:21

Oh you did.

00:12:40:23 - 00:12:44:16

And I was like, we're on a fucking hookup app.

00:12:44:18 - 00:12:47:03

Yeah. What are you. What, are you getting.

00:12:47:03 - 00:12:52:03

Upset with me? He literally got upset and called me a whore.

00:12:52:05 - 00:12:53:17

What?

00:12:53:19 - 00:13:04:05

Yeah, he called me a whore. And I was like, wait, you're trying to fuck tonight? Yeah. And you're calling me a whore.

00:13:04:07 - 00:13:13:15

Also, if you're going to call me a whore and treat me like a whore, then definitely please pay me like a whore. Hi. And there's a girl. There is like otherwise. Please go fuck yourself. Yeah.

00:13:13:17 - 00:13:31:20

Oh, it was, it was what? I'm like. I'm. I'm actually really, really bad at working people. I should be like, no, you know, they took the chance. Told me I'm not going to be like anyone. You know? I'm going to just be nice to everyone. Now I'm a black whore. I'm like black, black, black, black, black background.

00:13:31:22 - 00:13:33:23

Black, black.

00:13:34:01 - 00:13:37:12

I think that's a great. Those are good boundaries. I mean, good old black.

00:13:37:12 - 00:13:44:07

Yeah. I will be like your ass. Like taking you around the block. Yes.

00:13:44:09 - 00:13:44:23

Okay.

00:13:45:01 - 00:14:02:18

So I love the phrase if we're going to have sex the way I want to have sex, you know, then we need to have that conversation. It sounds like you've had a lot of experiences to get to where you are. It sounds like you really know what you like, what you need, what you want. So tell us, like, how did you learn about sex?

00:14:02:18 - 00:14:14:03

Like, take us through whatever feel like important formative experiences? Like, did you get sex ed? Like, how did you become this, like awesome, sexy bitch with boundaries?

00:14:14:05 - 00:14:37:09

That's on the t shirt. Awesome. Sexy bitch with boundaries. That's the shirt. That's the shirt. They had to go. Go back. I do come from a sexual assault. Childhood of this hold as a child, three, eight years old. Sorry. Trigger warning everyone. I was assaulted from eight years old. Seven years old until ten. When we finally got out.

00:14:37:11 - 00:15:05:21

And it was a domestic, violent thing with my mom, and. And he used to hit me. My mom used to have sexual assault me. So we got out of that, right? And I discovered masturbation when I was around 13 or 14. And I realized that was like a way to self gratify without anyone around me. And I could, like, do that.

00:15:05:21 - 00:15:36:05

And not have to have anyone interaction. Right. Because of this trauma and stuff I had. Right. Yeah. Then, then when I got older that came up queer, a little queer, gay boy. Oh, I did go to the bookstores when I was young. Now the economic team has to go to the bookstores in, like, a different plural, And I really I got really, really, really good.

00:15:36:07 - 00:15:42:18

I get really, really good head. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, master head expert.

00:15:42:20 - 00:15:48:04

I was going to say, this seems like a good time to stop and give some details about why, what you learned, etc..

00:15:48:07 - 00:16:08:23

Oh, this is funny. This one guy, story time, this one guy, I was around 19, 20 years old, and, this one guy, I was at the bookstore, and you see, there's a bunch of bottom drawer hanging out at the bookstore, and this one guy comes in and they're like, oh, he has this big dick. And I was like, okay.

00:16:09:01 - 00:16:32:04

And I'm not a size huge size queen. A nice size is nice, right? But, they're like, oh, here's the big thing. So here's an older guy. And you go into the booth, see if they were interested, and if they weren't, you would leave. Right. It's one of those no means no. So I came into the booth and he actually looked out, out the booth, and he pointed to me and said, hey, you come over here.

00:16:32:06 - 00:16:40:18

And I was like, oh, shit. Okay. So so the girls are like, oh, okay, girl, he wants you. Yeah, because we just.

00:16:40:19 - 00:16:41:05

All hang.

00:16:41:05 - 00:17:05:15

Outside the booth. So funny. We I'll be like, but we were, but I walk into the book, I walk into the booth, I think I know, like, the floor was disgusting, but I didn't care. So I'm like, napkins on the floor or something. And he. He had his dick out and his dick was like, I could have nine inches girthy beautiful.

00:17:05:15 - 00:17:30:15

I think he was like a minion or something middle Eastern. And he's looked at me, he goes, you like? And I was like, whoa! And he goes, does it teach you? We stayed in that booth for a fucking good hour. And he like, taught me how to, like, go all the way down my throat, lick his balls, go up.

00:17:30:15 - 00:17:32:18

And then he says, I'll make love to you.

00:17:32:20 - 00:17:34:15

Welcome.

00:17:34:17 - 00:17:37:12

And I'll make love to you cause you don't.

00:17:37:14 - 00:17:38:04

00:17:38:06 - 00:17:48:04

You make love to it. Yeah. And I was like, So I learned to, like, make love to the cock.

00:17:48:09 - 00:17:49:16

00:17:49:18 - 00:18:11:13

Like of, like what that looks like. And I would just get into the zone and then I would, like, test myself throw and then it. And it has a reasonable audience. And I was like, I'm busy.

00:18:11:15 - 00:18:17:22

Don't talk. Stop talking. Me. It was like.

00:18:18:00 - 00:18:31:14

Oh, I'm. And I'm like, and don't put your hand on the back of my head. I was like, don't you know, I know what I'm doing? Yeah. Don't put your hand on the back of my hand like you sound fucking pornos. Yeah, I know how to deep throat, right? I think the biggest talker with Deep Throat, it was like 13in.

00:18:31:18 - 00:18:32:23

Holy shit.

00:18:33:01 - 00:18:34:04

All the way down.

00:18:34:06 - 00:18:36:20

Wow. Oh, he fell in love. I bet.

00:18:36:20 - 00:18:39:13

He did. And I was like, how many times has he ever experienced that?

00:18:39:19 - 00:18:40:12

Did he?

00:18:40:14 - 00:18:48:18

You do you notice a difference when there's a curve? I love the puzzle of a curved cock for me personally, a curved.

00:18:48:20 - 00:18:59:22

Yeah, a curved cock or one that goes right like that loop. I call it the roller coaster. Yeah. It's like a it's like curves right over.

00:19:00:00 - 00:19:01:02

Oh, right.

00:19:01:04 - 00:19:07:22

So let's go the other way. And I got to be upside down to make it work better or to come at it from a different angle. And like I got no.

00:19:08:00 - 00:19:13:20

No but but but but but but my thing again with the sexual health is like clean.

00:19:13:22 - 00:19:14:17

The clean.

00:19:14:22 - 00:19:18:23

Guys guys for me to you clean your dude.

00:19:19:01 - 00:19:19:14

00:19:19:16 - 00:19:29:05

Clean your asses, clean your dick clean your balls. Wash that. If you know you're going to hook up with somebody, you know, wash the smegma out. It's fucking.

00:19:29:06 - 00:19:51:11

Yeah. If you want me to make love to your cock, you make love to your cock with soap and water. You know, like just making sure that I gravel where you start the worship at home, you know, and that and I know many people who have interacted with have come from backgrounds or families where they aren't proper hygiene because they aren't even taught to even talk about their parts at all.

00:19:51:12 - 00:20:08:19

And, you know, I I've also met some foreskins in their days that have never been pulled back because they just didn't know they were supposed to or could. So, PSA, PSA, let's just pull all our folds back and just wash, wash little nooks and crannies and.

00:20:08:21 - 00:20:23:18

Nooks and crannies. Absolutely. But you but yeah, I learned how to and then I expected like really at a really young age. And I got really good at that. And so I thought, well that's just what I'll do and not have in the sex.

00:20:23:20 - 00:20:24:02

00:20:24:02 - 00:20:47:12

So, so I did that from like 1819 until like 25. And then I met this older guy who actually took me to his house and was like, do you want to have sex? And I was like, that's your blowjob. And he goes, goes because I want to. I want to make love to you. Then I want to make love to you.

00:20:47:12 - 00:21:19:01

I was like, make love. I was like that. That's definitely here. And Daniels still books make wow. Like I was like, okay. So he sat me, all right, I he sat he sat me on the edge of his couch in his living room. I was naked, sat me on the edge of the couch in the living room. He came up behind me, read my ass and like he out for like a good 20 minutes.

00:21:19:03 - 00:21:21:05

And I was like.

00:21:21:07 - 00:21:22:11

Oh.

00:21:22:13 - 00:21:23:17

God.

00:21:23:19 - 00:21:24:15

With your first time.

00:21:24:15 - 00:21:26:14

That first.

00:21:26:16 - 00:21:27:08

00:21:27:10 - 00:21:33:17

I was like that. But that I couldn't breathe. I was like, oh my.

00:21:33:19 - 00:21:35:13

Oh my God. Yeah.

00:21:35:15 - 00:21:40:13

He ate that as like, it was fucking apples and sugar and.

00:21:40:15 - 00:21:41:00

00:21:41:05 - 00:21:49:12

He even just went to town and he was like, do you like that? I was like, I couldn't even talk. Right. I couldn't.

00:21:49:12 - 00:21:52:15

Even, I left.

00:21:52:17 - 00:22:11:16

And then and then and then and then he took me by the hand and led me to the bedroom, literally took me by the hand and like come here, took me by the hand. LED me to the bedroom, cracked my thighs, pressed my face, pressed, rebrands, pressed like he made to me, made love to me as a woman when I was a gay boy.

00:22:11:18 - 00:22:38:22

And that's when I knew there was something different about me. Yeah, because I wanted to be touched a certain way. I wanted to be pressed a certain way. I wanted to be liked a certain way. I wanted to do all those things. I'll always tell guys, you know, I want to have sex. Like, you know, I want to the, the, the fine line of making love and fucking like that fine line that's like, right there.

00:22:39:00 - 00:23:05:08

And like, we can go porn star way, or we can go making love way in that little, that little fine line. I could ride that line all night. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, right. And it was, it was the most beautiful thing. And I'll never forget him. White guy. Because in his 40s I was in my 20s. And he just I think he fucked me like three times.

00:23:05:10 - 00:23:07:00

Wow.

00:23:07:02 - 00:23:21:04

Yeah. Okay. So once you had partnered anal sex, you were like, here for it? Or were you like, yeah. When did you get your like, I know that I need to have sex like that. Like that seems like a high first standard.

00:23:21:06 - 00:23:45:15

And I always call it I call it releasing the Beast because once it's released, be because once you have it, it's like, okay, I want to do it again and again. But, you know, it has to be the right moment, the right way. How do you how do you want it? You know? And I was like, I was like, okay, I guess I'll do it in the back of this guy's truck.

00:23:45:17 - 00:24:09:01

Okay. I guess I'll do it. I guess I'll do it in the park outside with two other guys. Okay. I guess I'll do it at the beach. Okay. Like like like like the cruising and all the stuff was like, gay. Gay male culture was always confusing to me. Okay? I was like, oh, they can't we just go back to my place.

00:24:09:01 - 00:24:12:05

To your place? Now we're going to fuck right here. I was like.

00:24:12:07 - 00:24:14:20

Right, okay,

00:24:14:22 - 00:24:34:19

What do you have to do it right here outside in an alley? And then I realized with my boyfriend working in alleys, he was fucking outside, you know, putting on rooftops, you know? Right. He was one of those guys who was like. Like, he's from New York. Older men. He was like. It was like. It's like, I'm going to teach you.

00:24:34:21 - 00:24:45:07

And I met him when I was 28. And and again, he nothing I gave him had he had he had sex on Alcatraz. We had.

00:24:45:09 - 00:24:46:19

We. Yeah.

00:24:46:21 - 00:25:10:15

We had sex. We had sex everywhere. And he was like dirty spit in my mouth, fingers in my mouth, fucking. And then he, like, told me, I love you. You know, in the middle of it, like, all the things, right? And all. Well, so, so he taught me how to be, like, open with it, like like he went to Plato's retreat back in the day.

00:25:10:17 - 00:25:12:20

Okay. I don't know what that is.

00:25:12:22 - 00:25:21:09

We Plato's retreat was like this, this, that, straight bisexual folks back in the 70s.

00:25:21:09 - 00:25:22:15

Okay, okay.

00:25:22:16 - 00:25:41:21

And he would go and he would go there alone and, like, fuck around with couples. And I was like, you what? And he goes, yeah, I would go there to play those retreat. And the guy wanted me to fuck his wife. I called her if he wanted me to fuck him, and then we did. But then I was like, I was like, oh my God.

00:25:41:21 - 00:25:45:03

You're like, you're like a gigolo. He goes.

00:25:45:03 - 00:25:46:13

Well, yeah.

00:25:46:15 - 00:25:55:05

And he goes, yeah, I had a lot of sex. I got. How many partners have you been with those? Oh, a good over 2000. I was like.

00:25:55:07 - 00:25:55:20

00:25:55:22 - 00:25:58:01

I said probably 5000.

00:25:58:03 - 00:26:00:03

00:26:00:05 - 00:26:27:23

Yeah. So. So he really, like, taught me to, like, be open into, like, enjoying sex, you know what I mean? Because I didn't enjoy it. Like, I enjoyed it to him of a moment, but he's helped me to, like, enjoy it in the morning. We had sex in the shower. You know, I get home and I'm upset. He's all girls come here and then we'll like, fuck, right quick and like, that'll be like a release, right?

00:26:27:23 - 00:26:31:23

I didn't know, like like sex. Sex to be a tool like that.

00:26:32:04 - 00:26:32:14

00:26:32:16 - 00:26:50:14

That's to be all of, like, releasing pressure to to to to, you know, mend, mend the way you feel in things. I thought it was just outside in the dark, grimy, you know, and then you come home and then you make scrambled eggs.

00:26:50:16 - 00:26:52:17

Right, right, right, right.

00:26:52:19 - 00:27:13:05

Well, right. It was what I thought sex was one of those things. And then as I moved more into my trance, like, oh, my boy, I only had three boyfriends. All three of my boyfriends were all like, they all treat me like a woman. You're like, I see you as a woman. You're feminine, you're soft. You know, I know you're female, but I still see you as a woman.

00:27:13:06 - 00:27:17:15

I honestly haven't dated as a trans woman yet.

00:27:17:17 - 00:27:20:01

Oh, okay.

00:27:20:03 - 00:27:33:17

Yeah, I haven't dated. I haven't really like, I've had some sex here and there, but no boyfriend, no nothing. And and honestly, I haven't had sex since last August.

00:27:33:19 - 00:27:37:02

How is that for you? It's an exciting new era. What? What's it.

00:27:37:02 - 00:27:40:21

Like?

00:27:40:23 - 00:27:41:16

Oh, you're kind.

00:27:41:16 - 00:27:51:07

Of making me want to get a boo. I'm like, oh, yeah. Sex around the house all the time. Whenever, wherever. Yeah, we're going to be together. And then I'm like, oh, what are you doing to me, Sydney? Okay. Yeah.

00:27:51:07 - 00:27:54:13

What does like.

00:27:54:15 - 00:28:12:09

It's weird because it's strange because. Because on the app I like, want to hook up and and it and I realize hookups. I don't like the hookups feel so I want to have a connection. I realize I'm a demi sexual. Yeah. I have to have a connection with you before I have you. Yeah, right. Some kind of connection.

00:28:12:11 - 00:28:31:23

So I it's I'm on the absence tab, and then I'll delete the apps and I'll delete them for like three months. Just take a break and then I'll re, redownload them again and try to date and try to, you know, meet somebody to have sex with a friends with benefits. Right. Yeah. But guys can't be fucking friends.

00:28:32:01 - 00:28:53:10

They just want the benefit. So I'm like, can we be friends and be friends? They're like, no, I just want to fuck you. And I'm like, okay, so I'll delete the apps again. And then I was like, well, you know, when it happens, it'll happen. And then I look at the calendar and it's like, oh, I haven't even been back since August of 2023.

00:28:53:14 - 00:28:54:08

No.

00:28:54:10 - 00:28:54:20

Man.

00:28:54:21 - 00:28:58:21

August 24th. Oh, it's oh my God.

00:28:58:23 - 00:29:02:02

I haven't been in a year.

00:29:02:04 - 00:29:12:14

Okay, so what do you need to get you over the, like, hump of resistance? Like what needs to be in place for this fucking that we're calling in now?

00:29:12:16 - 00:29:36:03

We see that like my friend said, how did she put it? My friend said we were having lunch the other day. She said, you have so much sunshine and you have so much light. Why don't you go share some of that sunshine with some of these guys? And it's not taking away from to share some of your sunshine.

00:29:36:05 - 00:29:59:16

And I was like. Okay. You mean just have sex with them because just have fun play. Don't take it seriously. You know, if they they love your because because a lot of guys love my smile and love how I, how I talk to them. And she's like she's like, don't, don't, don't think too much about it. You're thinking too much about it.

00:29:59:17 - 00:30:31:14

You're thinking too hard. Like, just go have fun. Just go have fun sex. And if they come back to you to have more, great. If they don't, that's okay too. And I'm like, maybe that's how I need to approach this and stay a little bit more light on it. Right. And so, so I'm, I'm starting to like and then like I'm talking to the four guys now and they're all in the morning and I'll say hi and stuff.

00:30:31:19 - 00:30:49:15

But I still want to be like, I need to know you. And then ask my friend at the do, do allow them to just come to your house, like the first meeting. And she's like, she's like, yeah, I have security at the, at the, at the front door. I have, you know, I have, you know, weapons stashed around the house.

00:30:49:15 - 00:30:58:00

If, if they want to come to my place, they can come to a place. And I was like, I've never had a guy just come to my place on the first meeting.

00:30:58:02 - 00:31:22:01

Yeah, I have a couple times. But I mean, everyone's safety needs are different. And I think, like checking in with those feelings is really important. The times that I've done it, I have made them show me their I.D. and I took a picture and I sent it to a friend, and I always do a safety buddy thing, and I let them know that the person who's coming with me know, especially if it's, like, totally random person from the internet.

00:31:22:01 - 00:31:40:01

We don't have any, you know, not the mutual friends or mutual connections are necessarily safer. I just have screened them differently because of the social circumstances, for better or worse. Yeah. You know, and so for me, I still have security. I still have all of that. But I'm always going to let a safety buddy know if I'm having someone over or going to see someone.

00:31:40:01 - 00:31:46:13

And I'm like, you should hear from me in an hour or whatever time frame. And if you don't, then I give them next steps, basically.

00:31:46:15 - 00:31:47:12

Yeah. Yeah.

00:31:47:17 - 00:32:09:11

I've never, you know, knock on wood, I've never had a problem. But like, I think there's something also about like I had a guy who, on a second date brought me presents like a small pumpkin, a succulent and an orchid like bulky. You know what I was like? I don't on all of this, but. Okay, you know, he, like, gave it to me when he pulled up to pick me up on our date.

00:32:09:11 - 00:32:26:05

And he's like, aren't we going to go take it upstairs now? And I was like, I'll go take it upstairs and you can wait here. Like I didn't like. It's a privilege. And I and I said I was like, I was like, oh, I think you want to be invited upstairs is that. I was like, well, we're getting to know each other.

00:32:26:05 - 00:32:44:03

Like that is a big deal for me. You know, just like letting them know that I'm not a piece of trash to be thrown away. And in fact, like my presence, your presence is a great gift. And if they're not treating it that way, that's okay. But they need to get the fuck out of my space. Because if they don't see me as a gift, then how could I get appreciated?

00:32:44:03 - 00:32:56:02

And I like I'm so sorry. Intimate relationships have to have mutual value and appreciation and your succulent doesn't earn you entrance into my home.

00:32:56:04 - 00:32:59:05

No, it doesn't want to bring me coffee.

00:32:59:08 - 00:33:07:17

Like they cannot bring you coffee. I was like, yeah, you can bring me coffee. I'll meet you outside. I'll meet you outside my apartment. Totally. Oh, I thought I bring it up to your apartment. I was like, no.

00:33:07:19 - 00:33:08:07

Yeah, no.

00:33:08:08 - 00:33:09:18

I'll meet you outside. Just like.

00:33:09:18 - 00:33:11:08

I said.

00:33:11:10 - 00:33:36:15

My home is my sanctuary. My home is where I lay my head and paid for my home myself. Right? Yeah. It's like. It's like all the things. So when I invite someone in, I'm inviting you into my home, be, you know, all the things, right? And I tell guys, if you don't understand safety for women, understand safety for trans women.

00:33:36:15 - 00:33:37:05

00:33:37:09 - 00:33:41:00

If you don't understand that, then you have no business fucking talking to me.

00:33:41:03 - 00:33:42:17

Yeah, yeah.

00:33:42:19 - 00:33:53:22

I would rather go find somebody who's just going to let you fuck them in the fucking alley. I go, I go because my pussy I pussies fire, right? Yeah.

00:33:54:00 - 00:34:11:12

So. Okay, so you're in this time of new filtration. You're playing it fast and loose ish. Per your comfort with the cuties. Would you go to their houses or are you going to make them get you like a nice hotel room for neutral ground? Like what? What feels yummy and easy and joyful to you in this new era of Sydney?

00:34:11:14 - 00:34:31:07

I live in L.A., live in Koreatown, but there's guy I'm talking to, an Orange County. And he was like, he was like, oh, you know, I'll drive out to you. And I was like, well, we can meet halfway. And he goes, well, we could get a room and we could hang out there. That way we have neutral space.

00:34:31:09 - 00:34:49:10

And I was like, was like, do you want me to pay? I'll pay for their meals. No, no, no, you don't have to pay for anything. Good boy. And I was like, oh, okay. And that's happened a couple of times. The guy I met in London, he had it. He had a hotel room and he had a really nice hotel room by LAX.

00:34:49:12 - 00:34:59:06

Another guy had a hotel room in downtown L.A., like meeting at a hotel room automatically. One you can walk all over the place, be.

00:34:59:08 - 00:35:00:10

Right. There's then, you know.

00:35:00:10 - 00:35:12:23

Hotel rooms, the central hotel rooms that you're like, oh, fuck. I was like, your dick by the door. I'm a I'm a fucking the shower. I'm a lay around naked on the floor. There's something to think of.

00:35:13:00 - 00:35:16:00

All right. So these are hotel rooms.

00:35:16:00 - 00:35:19:20

That you're like, all bets are off. We're in a hotel room, and.

00:35:19:20 - 00:35:39:07

I'm the person that's like, wait, wait, wait, let me just put my jacket down. Wait. Let me, let me cover. Just because I think about when, no matter how nice the hotel I'm in, I'm always thinking about how deeply do they clean this? Who has come before? Who will come after? So I'm the girl that like, afterward will like, wipe shit down or I'll put down a towel or something because I'm just like, I.

00:35:39:07 - 00:35:43:18

Don't know, I'm sensitive, but like I 100, I also feel it.

00:35:43:19 - 00:36:01:16

No. And when I go to not just hotel rooms, but when I'm walking around the lobby or like pretty much anywhere, I'm like, that'd be a good spot to be a good spot to. That'd be a good spot. But at a hotel room, it's like permission. And I always dream of people like inviting me to a hotel and being like, and bring your camera if you want, and take some sexy picture.

00:36:01:16 - 00:36:04:05

You know, I'm like, let me send them to you later. That's so hot.

00:36:04:06 - 00:36:06:03

Yes yes yes yes.

00:36:06:04 - 00:36:07:12

00:36:07:14 - 00:36:10:14

But yeah, I want to fuck all over hotel rooms.

00:36:10:16 - 00:36:11:08

So.

00:36:11:10 - 00:36:17:09

It, it it's interesting because I've been in some really grimy hotels. Okay. In this room with hotels.

00:36:17:11 - 00:36:19:09

It's the same effect. It's the.

00:36:19:09 - 00:36:45:18

Same effect. It's the same effect. But but, but but I think it's that whole mutual willingness to be like, okay, let's let's meet in the middle. Yeah. Let's let, let me, let me get the hotel for you. You know, let me treat you like a queen that you are. There's something about that that makes me go, okay, if you're willing to do that, it's very sexy to me.

00:36:45:18 - 00:36:49:00

Yeah, it's very sexy. I mean, when people make the effort.

00:36:49:01 - 00:36:57:16

Yes. Yeah. Because if someone is not generous in their everyday life, they're not typically, in my experience, a very generous lover.

00:36:57:18 - 00:37:07:20

No. And generous lovers. I and I ask guys, are you selfish? Are you selfish lover? And then like, what do you mean? I'm like.

00:37:07:22 - 00:37:10:00

Yeah, right.

00:37:10:05 - 00:37:30:21

I'm like, I need you to be able to give and I need you to be able to receive. Because for me, the pleasure is both. And I need you to be, like, there and attentive and present with me. And that's why casual sex without connection beforehand has really lost its appeal for me. Because I don't like what is the emotional container of like, let me squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath and ooh.

00:37:30:22 - 00:37:45:03

And then it's like. And then I'm like, you know, you know, I'm I'm really spoiled. And I'm used to people like wanting to connect, making it perfectly clear that I am who they want to be with in no uncertain terms. And a hotel room is like a step towards that.

00:37:45:04 - 00:38:05:05

You know, they're two stories, two streets, one. I was talking to this guy. I won't say his name. I will say his name starts with the J. So we were talking for like two months, and then he hit me up on his way to work. In the tunnel all day. He's like, I think you're really pretty.

00:38:05:05 - 00:38:22:07

I'd love to see you. You know, I said, I'm trans. He goes, oh, I don't mind that you're trans. I love that I just think you're beautiful. I love to like, compete with you. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, you know what? I'm gonna let my guard down. I'm like, this guy come over. So I let him come up to my apartment.

00:38:22:09 - 00:38:42:07

We come in, we start kissing a little bit. It's a stick out. It was a nice gig. Gave him head and stuff as soon as he came. Soon. Soon as he came, he jumped up and walked out, and I was like. It left my door open. I literally yelled.

00:38:42:07 - 00:38:42:21

Down that.

00:38:42:23 - 00:39:11:19

I no way, I know I look. I looked down the hallway and I said, well, bye. And I was like, what the fuck just happened? Now the plot thickens the next day. Ring, ring, ring. My phone calls. I was like, oh, it's fucking J again. I pick up the phone, guess who's on the other line? His wife. Can you stop having sex with my husband?

00:39:12:00 - 00:39:14:13

What is this fuck.

00:39:14:15 - 00:39:32:04

And I and you know what I told her I said, I said the sex wasn't even that good. Anyway, and I didn't even know he was married. Yeah, so you need to take care of that. Don't get mad at me. I didn't know you existed. Then he has the nerve to hit me up, like, a couple weeks later.

00:39:32:09 - 00:39:36:06

Hey, can I come by again?

00:39:36:08 - 00:39:38:16

You to be.

00:39:38:16 - 00:39:49:03

Tied. You to be tied. I was like, what the fuck? What? Yeah, stuff like that. When we were like, yeah.

00:39:49:05 - 00:39:59:06

Even in all of my experience interviewing professional lady friends who are Full-Service sex workers, never have I ever heard a story like that. I've just.

00:39:59:08 - 00:39:59:16

Boom.

00:39:59:16 - 00:40:03:00

Done out. That's wild.

00:40:03:02 - 00:40:14:22

It's. Yeah. I was just like, what though? And then I was like, is that what he thinks is okay? Is that when he thinks that he should just get up and just.

00:40:15:00 - 00:40:23:19

Okay, so we're ordering something new in this new era. Thank you universe. We tried that flavor. That's an interesting flavor.

00:40:23:21 - 00:40:24:11

Sydney.

00:40:24:13 - 00:40:27:06

Would like something different this round. Something more like.

00:40:27:07 - 00:40:27:15

It would be.

00:40:27:16 - 00:40:32:05

Different. Yeah. So? So. And it's hard not to bring in those past.

00:40:32:05 - 00:40:32:13

00:40:32:15 - 00:40:55:16

Stories and stuff whenever you meet a new guy. Right. Because they're like, don't, don't tell me like the past guy, I'm a new one. And I'm like, fuck yeah. You fall into this pattern in this typical and you become you become predictable, right? So so I'm like, I'm waiting to have like, really, really good sex. There are a couple of dudes who want me to be like their mistress.

00:40:55:18 - 00:40:59:19

Okay, how is that? Is that work for you or is that fun for you?

00:40:59:21 - 00:41:22:23

It's the first time. Like. Like I've done it. Like as a phone sex operator, as a mistress, and then as a constant separator as a mistress. And that was a lot of fun. Matching, meeting them in person. I met a couple of clients in person, and that was a lot of fun. But now, as a trans woman, do I want to dive into this?

00:41:23:00 - 00:41:34:15

I'm kind of realizing I kind of want a boy slave, however you want to put it, it's myself who looks good.

00:41:34:18 - 00:41:36:23

Yeah, when I tell it to. Oh, yeah.

00:41:36:23 - 00:41:42:16

And then, like, goes back and be in his. He's in his corner. I know this place.

00:41:42:18 - 00:41:44:23

I mean, that sounds pretty hot.

00:41:45:01 - 00:41:47:11

I'm.

00:41:47:13 - 00:41:58:18

Like, come over here. Get your dick hard. Fuck me. Maybe I'll fuck me I want, but I want you dick hard shit about me. And when you're done, you you're cleaning. I'll say thank you.

00:41:58:19 - 00:41:59:14

00:41:59:16 - 00:42:01:11

And then you go back over. And those two down.

00:42:01:12 - 00:42:05:09

Oh, Sydney's new boy. New era.

00:42:05:10 - 00:42:09:08

Like a real toy. Yeah. What is that?

00:42:09:10 - 00:42:12:16

What is that called? Is that like a boy toy or.

00:42:12:16 - 00:42:16:07

It's whatever you want to call it because it's yours.

00:42:16:09 - 00:42:37:19

It's it's it's one of those things that I've been kind of exploring, like, what does that look like? Because there's some beautiful men on the field. Oh, my God, they're beautiful. But some of them are caveman idiot who are like, you got nice lips. And I'm like, these lips are going to say no, you know? But then there's a couple who I've been talking to who are like.

00:42:37:21 - 00:43:04:23

Like they're a couple who I'm like, I really, when you hear about me, like, they're a couple, I was like, God damn. Yeah. Just. Wow. Right. So, yeah, it's it's been over a year. It's time then. Oh, that was the other thing. I was thinking of hiring someone. Like, I've been a sex worker. I've done survival sex work.

00:43:05:00 - 00:43:12:04

But I've never hired a guy to just, like, here's some money and, like, your mouth is like.

00:43:12:06 - 00:43:32:11

That's. I mean, honestly, I have a money kink, and it goes both ways, and I have never done that yet. But, like that. Yeah. My mouth is open because I'm like, oh, girl, I want to hear everything if you go that route. But like, what would they what is the fantasy of it for you? Like, is it like deep receiving is it picking muscles.

00:43:32:11 - 00:43:34:03

Is it. Yeah. Like what do you want?

00:43:34:05 - 00:43:42:21

I do like big muscles. It's like oh thanks abs. But he has to. But you can have a nice body and still not be sexy.

00:43:42:23 - 00:43:44:14

Agree. Hardcore.

00:43:44:16 - 00:44:04:14

Right. So. So there's something about being sexy. Not like how he'll make you feel, how he'll like touch you and kiss you and like fuck the shit out of you. And then you give him your money and be like okay thank you, thank you. I'm go. I'm gonna go make some eggs again. I love my yeah, yeah.

00:44:04:16 - 00:44:06:06

Egg protein.

00:44:06:07 - 00:44:07:03

Protein. Right.

00:44:07:03 - 00:44:11:22

The other best source of protein.

00:44:12:00 - 00:44:49:18

Right. I was I was thinking like like, do I want to go get it for a don't want it. Try that I don't know. It's when it takes all the hemming and hawing and I think I can come over and it take all that out of out of the equation. Yeah. Right. But but but like you said before, there's something about when a guy chooses you and you connect and move to the next level and you have sex with each other and it's exact and you have this one and it's really that connection, and you can't buy that.

00:44:49:20 - 00:45:14:02

I don't know, dude. I think one of the hardest things about sex work, this is a fresh noodle. So this is open for discussion. And I agree with you. So like that premise is totally true because there's nothing like two people in my personal experience, when I feel like I'm investing in another person to the same degree that they are interested in me, and we're both choosing to spend our time and energy that way.

00:45:14:04 - 00:45:40:07

I love that so much, and I'm finding that version increasingly complicated. Whereas in the realm of sex work, I think that there is this neat little container that's created where people feel free to be themselves in a way that sometimes they won't be with me in my personal life, if that makes sense to me. So and I've realized through this podcast, because I it took me years to figure out that, like, people are a different version of themselves when they're anonymous.

00:45:40:07 - 00:46:04:21

Like, I knew they might share differently, but I didn't realize the extent to which it was happening. So I think, like, there's really cool stuff about intimacy in both containers, but they look different from most people. It's kind of my current noodle on that, you know? But but also my other thought is like, as a dummy sexual, do you just got to like, read a lot of tweets of the person that you might hire, like, how do you make sure that you could vibe with the muscles?

00:46:04:23 - 00:46:13:12

You know, because I need both. That's what held me back to because I'm like, I need to just interview people and then I'll, you know, I'll have. And then I'm like, no, don't have secret plans, okay. You know.

00:46:13:12 - 00:46:34:00

So no. Oh yeah. Well I've, I've, I've guy friends who are sex workers. I was like gonna ask them like, can you make a recommendation? You know, I wouldn't want to have sex with my guy friends because they're my friends. But but if they knew somebody who also does the work, you know, and who you think might be.

00:46:34:02 - 00:46:38:02

But I don't want them to, like, be my might be my expert matchmaker.

00:46:38:04 - 00:46:48:10

Right, right, right. I do know some. I know some people who are very particular about that. They're like, you know, so it just, but if you're friends with them, it's maybe a little different.

00:46:48:12 - 00:47:00:14

Yeah. And he knows. He knows I haven't had sex and to. So I'll be like, can you recommend, you know, somebody and then I'll just put it in my budget.

00:47:00:16 - 00:47:03:07

Yeah. Oh, every month.

00:47:03:09 - 00:47:14:01

The idea of saving up for someone or someone saving up for me, like when someone orders a custom from me on OnlyFans or is like sex sponsoring me with a call and like, I know they're saving up for me. I'm like.

00:47:14:06 - 00:47:19:20

Oh, oh my.

00:47:19:22 - 00:47:29:16

Because I would want to do that, right? Yeah, but but but it's that whole, other aspect of, meeting someone and having that happen.

00:47:29:15 - 00:47:57:07

So sex for me and changed. I still masturbate. I still enjoy that. I do love my videos. You know, and, It's funny. I still want to point. Yeah. It's interesting. I watch it. I watch straight porn. Gay porn, straight porn. Like like. But but but it needs to be primal. Yeah, I think about something about it.

00:47:57:07 - 00:48:15:19

It can't be staged. It can't look fake. It can't look all the things that people are trending now. But I'm like, it has to be this. This is primal thing. And I think that's one thing. Banks are so attractive. Yeah. Because it's like the primal thing and you're like the center.

00:48:15:21 - 00:48:33:16

Yeah. Yeah. I want to get overwhelmed by my senses during sex. And so, like, watching someone else who I think is having that experience in a way that looks safe, that looks like a container, they agreed to all of that, like, but they're when they're just in it together, I'm like, oh, that's the animal experience I want for fucking.

00:48:33:17 - 00:48:55:13

It's hot. It's so that kind of thing. I'm like, it almost feels like the like my hands are going up. So this feels like like the holy grail of, like, getting three dudes and they're all tested and they're all. They're all into me, and they all want to follow my holes. And they did that. And I'm like going, that sounds amazing.

00:48:55:13 - 00:48:58:01

Yeah, but will that ever happen?

00:48:58:03 - 00:49:25:06

Yeah, yeah. And what amount of effort would it take to make it happen? But I believe that where there's a will, there's a way. And I think that you we can just put it out there and say, in this new era of Sydney, totally open to three three would be a good first gangbang size. I think three really quality candidates who were tested safe, kind and, you know, fit the demi sexual gangbang bill.

00:49:25:08 - 00:49:32:12

Yeah, for a poly gangbang, I guess, something like that.

00:49:32:14 - 00:49:37:15

An amorous gangbang, I don't know, but let's let's start out.

00:49:37:15 - 00:50:01:10

And there was. Yeah. Gentlemen's gangbang. So it's very interesting on where my sex life is going. I think sex is very, very important. I important part of me because I actually think, oh, I don't need to have sex. You know, I have work and have my friends and I have this, but there are nights where I'm like, I want to be held.

00:50:01:10 - 00:50:16:14

I want to be caressed. I want to be fucked. I just, you know, I want to suck some dick. I want to eat a guy's ass. I want to do all those things. And then I'll of on the apps and I'll go, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. I'm just going to juggle.

00:50:16:16 - 00:50:37:16

Yeah. Oh yeah, I've been there. What else do you love about sex that we haven't talked about? Yeah, we got that. You're amazing at blowjobs. I imagine you still enjoy them based on the way you're grinning right now. Yeah, we've talked about some fantasies. We've talked about porn. You watch what? Other stuff? Like lights you up or turns you on?

00:50:37:18 - 00:50:46:19

On a date at the Alamo. And, man was gorgeous. And he had a bald head and beard thing going on, right? Luckily, they're.

00:50:46:19 - 00:50:53:03

Usually good worshipers. I feel like bald head, especially with beard. Sometimes that beard. But it's like, usually a very good worshiper.

00:50:53:05 - 00:51:24:14

Yeah, yeah, we we went to the movies and he, I haven't had this in a long time. He put his hand on my thigh on the inside of my thigh and like. And he was like I night and he squeezed it because you know what I love your thighs. And I was like and then he like pulled me a little bit closer to him and I was like look that fucking aisle.

00:51:24:16 - 00:51:44:19

I'm also just like come right there. Like like that little shit. Like, oh, when the when I'm walking in and a guy put his hand on the bat on my small of my back like he's guiding when when he does that. But there's more of that. So I love it. So love it. It's so hot. Right I love that.

00:51:44:19 - 00:51:50:23

Or when a guy, like takes your face when he's going to kiss you and he cradles your face.

00:51:51:05 - 00:51:54:21

00:51:54:23 - 00:51:56:13

00:51:56:15 - 00:51:59:22

Those are very, like hot, intimate gestures.

00:52:00:00 - 00:52:10:20

Yeah. And it's so simple and it has to feel genuine. But when they do them, I just go like, okay, that you're.

00:52:10:22 - 00:52:11:07

Such a.

00:52:11:07 - 00:52:39:21

Woman. Oh. Like when when a guy does those things, I just get so, like turned on and hot and and, all the things like, like when a guy, like, takes your breath and like, he, like, pulls them together, and then, like, kisses them. Not, not bite them, not squeezes them like, caresses them and, like, just gets them.

00:52:39:23 - 00:53:09:11

Girl. I fucking go crazy. I had this one guy. He's still a little, but he's still trying to fight. Still, He everything. One time when I heal him, you're going to be like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And, he he kissed me one night. He kissed me all over like he started from. He started me from the back of my neck to my ear, to my neck, around my face.

00:53:09:13 - 00:53:30:16

All the way down my body, down my legs, around my cock, around my knees. He kissed the back of my knee. Oh. And I was like, you can see the back of my knees. He goes, yeah, do you like that? I was like, oh my God. And he like kissed my calves and kissed my ankles. Kissed my feet.

00:53:30:18 - 00:53:40:17

He kissed the inside of my calves. The inside of my thighs. Lick my ass, kissed my back like he kissed like literally.

00:53:40:19 - 00:53:59:06

Tongue. Yeah. Like literally kissed all over my body. And I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? I'm going to have to suck your dick now.

00:53:59:08 - 00:54:01:12

That's so hot.

00:54:01:14 - 00:54:22:17

It was so hot. The little Latino guy and I just put my hand on the back of his head and just rubbed his head while he kissed me on love. And whenever we hookup, our ability to smell over again because we suck my dick like you did last right?

00:54:22:19 - 00:54:42:07

And I'm like, yeah, but he's like those experiences, like, once you have them. Same thing with the guy who ate my ass on the first night. The first time I ever had it. Those, like, sexual experiences. You almost feel like it's almost like a a drug where you're trying to chase it.

00:54:42:09 - 00:54:42:20

00:54:42:22 - 00:54:52:15

Over and over. Because. Because it was like I wanted to feel that special. I want to feel that good. I wanted to feel it. And you can't take. You can't take them.

00:54:52:17 - 00:54:53:17

00:54:53:19 - 00:55:09:03

No, you can't take it. You can't pretend you can't give you. You know, I had some guy kiss my arm one time and I was just like, what are you what are you doing? Are you kissing my angels? He was like, okay, you suck my dick. You know, I can.

00:55:09:03 - 00:55:14:23

I can feel when someone is checking a box or when they're just, you know, like, or the massage that I got where it's like.

00:55:15:03 - 00:55:17:13

Oh, like, hey.

00:55:17:15 - 00:55:21:08

And then they put their hand. Yeah.

00:55:21:10 - 00:55:27:08

If I had one more guy. Tell me, can I give you a massage? I'm gonna fucking throw up.

00:55:27:08 - 00:55:42:17

I was like, I love receiving massages, but I'm like, do you actually mean it? And what's the hidden ask here? You know, and I had this with a guy friends recently, you know, because then he tried to have a health and safety conversation. I was like, as far as I know, I've just agreed to receive a full body massage.

00:55:42:17 - 00:55:55:01

It seems like maybe you're expecting something else here. And he's like, oh, well, I was hoping, you know, and it was someone I was open to it with, but I was just like, that's kind of a turnoff, you know? And then his energy was weird.

00:55:55:03 - 00:56:15:11

Yeah. We try to pretend, you know, can I give you a massage? Because I pulled a muscle in my in my back calf in my back by right at Hollywood Bowl. And so I've been, like, massaging it and putting he pad on it. So I told a couple of guys, now it's almost ten. But then I pulled a muscle in the back of my thigh.

00:56:15:13 - 00:56:35:15

You know, I've been putting, you know, I've been taking painkillers and stuff and they'll be like, oh, can I give you a massage? And I was like, what kind of massage? Well, you sounds like you're in a lot of pain. And I said, does this massage include the back? And they'll go, well, if it goes there, it goes there.

00:56:35:16 - 00:56:38:07

And I was like, my leg is. In fact.

00:56:38:09 - 00:56:40:23

I was going to say, did you hear the part where I'm in pain? Okay.

00:56:41:01 - 00:56:44:23

Yeah. You hear the part where I'm in pain? Like they ignore all of that. Yeah. Red.

00:56:45:01 - 00:56:46:08

Like. Yeah.

00:56:46:10 - 00:56:57:02

Red like this one guy did that, did all that. And I was like. I was like, you're not listening to me. If you're here to. If you're here to really make me feel better. Think you wanted me to be so better?

00:56:57:03 - 00:57:20:20

Totally. And I've had very few partners who, like, offer massage as an exchange. Like as shitty compensation because they're not willing to fully show up necessarily. And so I've had where it's like the first massage is great. The second massage is not quite as good. You know, when they're using it as a laser in laser laser. And then the sex gets like, so when I when I see that devolution start to happen, I'm like, we're at the end here.

00:57:20:22 - 00:57:32:10

You know, like and so also then if it just starts out as like a barely little squishing thing, I'm just like, okay, okay. Now I never even thought about that.

00:57:32:12 - 00:57:54:21

Yeah. Now. Weird now, weird segue. So, I'm sober now, right? I'm ten years sober, but, I used to do a lot of drugs, had amassed a lot of coke, a lot of e, a lot in them, a lot of stuff. So I was partying with this guy. Come on. And, this is my guy. He always sweet.

00:57:54:22 - 00:58:17:17

We have sex once in a while, but he like to fall guys over and he was like, let me watch him have sex, or I'd have sex with the guy in another room. But we we were like, he was like my party buddy. Okay. Right. So. So he caught this one guy over, and, at first his. But it was hook up with him and they kind of got along.

00:58:17:22 - 00:58:38:09

But the guy kept looking at me going, you're really pretty. And like, I think I like you. And I was like, but he came over to talk to him, right? Like you went through all that thing and came over. Here he goes, girls, I'm into the shower. So he gets in the shower and then he picks out and he looks at me and goes, would you like to join me?

00:58:38:11 - 00:59:11:16

This guy. He looked like Shemar Moore. You know Shemar Moore. Is this like like fucking Moore? This guy was going to take us any like kicks out and his hair's all wet. And he goes because you going to join me and my friend link to me? He goes, go ahead. And I was all, oh my God. I got in that shower and I had never been ravaged.

00:59:11:17 - 00:59:30:08

You know, when someone ravaged you I never had that right. He fucking. As soon as I stepped in his lip all over my, all over me, I was just in there going. I went like this, like, lay my hands up. And he was just, like, all over.

00:59:30:08 - 00:59:35:01

Like a roller coaster. Oh.

00:59:35:03 - 00:59:39:10

God on.

00:59:39:12 - 01:00:02:05

This. And he, like, ravaged me. And it was, like, the hottest thing ever. I was like, oh, my God, they need to turn me around in, like, eight my ass out. And then he was like, he's like, I'ma slip it in now, okay? And I was like, okay, oh my God, that was really huge. But he knew how to like, go for it.

01:00:02:07 - 01:00:05:21

And he was just written that shower for like two hours.

01:00:05:23 - 01:00:07:10

Oh my God.

01:00:07:12 - 01:00:29:14

It was like the best shower sex ever fucking had. Touch my back, you know, cut my breast, smack my ass, put my leg up. You know, when the guy put your leg away, he's fucking you. God. Oh, God, it's so fucking hot. We fucking did that. And I was just going, And I look back and I.

01:00:29:15 - 01:00:36:04

And when we were all done, I was like, do you think we're clean? I see.

01:00:36:06 - 01:00:37:09

Clean.

01:00:37:10 - 01:00:54:06

So fucking hot. Wow. The other story, I was with this one guy, and, we were fucking around and you need to get in the shower. He goes to get in the shower together, and I was like, oh, God, he really was in the shower. Okay, so let me get this right. You let me get in the shower together.

01:00:54:06 - 01:00:59:04

I think it's because they're nervous. They're stinky, but they want to fuck. That's my that's my guess. That's my noodle.

01:00:59:04 - 01:01:00:04

Is that what it is?

01:01:00:04 - 01:01:01:18

I don't know.

01:01:01:20 - 01:01:29:17

So. So we get this shower and when, like, making out and stuff and he goes and he goes, okay, can I pee on you? And I was like, what? And he is like, it's like we're in the shower and you have a really nice ass in. Can I pee on your ass? And I was like, oh, like.

01:01:29:19 - 01:01:38:01

That first time, like, did you know the golden showers? Okay. Yeah. Because, like, I didn't know, I didn't know. Yeah, I knew nothing. And I was like, oh, nothing.

01:01:38:01 - 01:01:55:02

Oh wow. And I was like, I was like as I was like, asking questions like, is it gonna hurt? You want to pee on my face? Like, do my mouth like, do you want to. Are you going? It's going to be a long pee or a short pee. Like, is it good? Yeah.

01:01:55:04 - 01:01:59:09

What have you eaten today? Have you had very good.

01:01:59:11 - 01:02:23:21

What does this mean? Like. Like what? In goes ego goes. No, I just want you to bend over in the shower, and I just want to pee on your ass. Crack. And I was like, thank you. And I didn't want to yuck his yum. Yeah, because he was just. So he was he looked at me with these big brown eyes, and he just was so intent and was like, can I?

01:02:23:22 - 01:02:49:11

And I was like, I looked at him and I said, you don't you don't get to do this all the time, do you? He goes, no, never. And I was like. I said, I don't let people do this. I don't let people do this. He goes, does, you know, let me I said, just one more first. So he gives me more.

01:02:49:13 - 01:03:13:00

And I was like, kiss me. Here he goes. Okay, there's a kissing here. And you kissed me a bunch. And we made out a little bit and said, okay, I'm open. I turn, turned around. I embraced the wall. I turned around, eager, single, lower, and I was like, that went lower. And like, my hands were like, you know how you like raised.

01:03:13:00 - 01:03:34:20

Go on, embrace the tub in the shower is going. And all of a sudden I felt this warm stream, like all over my back, all over my, my ass, all around my legs, like this warm stream all over. And I look down and I see the pee going analysis in there going, what?

01:03:34:22 - 01:03:49:22

On here. And he goes. He goes. Because that was amazing. And I was like, oh, like now and then he took a, he took the last cloth, lathered it up and he washed me.

01:03:50:00 - 01:03:51:12

Good boy.

01:03:51:14 - 01:03:52:16

He washed.

01:03:52:18 - 01:03:54:07

That's good.

01:03:54:09 - 01:04:12:15

And I was like, did you get after care? Cause I didn't expect that. I thought he was just going to be like, okay, I'm done. But he like one. It was like I was, okay, how's that for you? And I was like, that was the strangest feeling. Goes to the strand. I don't get to do that all the time.

01:04:12:15 - 01:04:21:15

And it's the thing I really wanted to do, and it was such a turn on first. I am so turned on right now and we had really good tech that night.

01:04:21:17 - 01:04:41:10

I had, I love when people are vulnerable enough to ask for what they actually want and then to grant it to each other, and then to let that deepen the connection to lead to hotter sex instead of like, oh, I crossed it off, now I'm going to run out the door, you know, like, that's so weird. Yeah.

01:04:41:12 - 01:04:42:17

01:04:42:19 - 01:05:09:22

Yeah, yeah, it's it's some of those, some of those experiences where where I realized that I have a choice to create this space. That space for both. Not just for him, but for me as well. Right. But but once it is a safe space, I've had a lot of guys come out to me of, like, I want to be, you know, can I wear your clothes?

01:05:10:00 - 01:05:34:16

Can I, can I, can I cross-dress, can I, you know, can I put on, can I put on makeup. Can I wear a wig. Can I do this. And for me it's not really a turn on. Yeah. To be with the processor to do all that stuff. But I respected that. They felt comfortable enough to ask me and to talk to me about it.

01:05:34:18 - 01:05:50:04

And I told them, well, I'm not really attracted to cross-dressers and it's not really my thing and that kind of thing, or they want me to top them and I'm like, I'm not really a top. And they're like, well, can you just try? And I'm like, I tried it or right. It's like, yeah, you're like.

01:05:50:06 - 01:05:52:13

Look, I'm saying I don't want to.

01:05:52:15 - 01:06:12:14

I'm saying I don't want to because you just do it for me. And I was like, first of all, you know, my boyfriend. So I don't fucking know you like that. And I'm not into that. Right? So it's always an interesting thing of like, once they do feel comfortable and I start showing my boundaries of like, I'm not interested in this.

01:06:12:14 - 01:06:39:11

I'm interested in that. You know, I have one guy, okay, trigger warning and invite this one guy over from Grindr. And, this is over in, yeah, my other apartment by this guy over. I think he was from Columbia, and I'm kind of a hot guy. You know, we were talking back and forth. You guys just kind of stopped by, and I was like, sure.

01:06:39:16 - 01:06:48:01

So he comes by and we start making out any sort of a me.

01:06:48:03 - 01:06:50:21

Out of nowhere or nowhere.

01:06:50:23 - 01:07:04:12

And I was like, I was like, what the fuck is that? He goes, oh, I thought you liked. I thought you liked, you know, Bdsm and stuff. So I thought, I do that, and I was like. And then I fucking punched him.

01:07:04:14 - 01:07:06:22

Yeah, I sold.

01:07:07:00 - 01:07:21:22

Yeah. I punched him in his chest. And I said, how do you fucking like that? He goes, who goes, why'd you hit me? I said, get the fuck out of my house. Good for you. Get the fuck out of my house right now. He goes, you're mad.

01:07:22:00 - 01:07:40:03

I said, hey, guess I'm mad. He goes, well, I thought you'd like me to slap you. And I go, where? Where? Where did you think? Where do you think that I would want to be slapped? Did we talk about that? Do we talk about that? We want to do that or not? And he goes. He goes. Well, I'm,

01:07:40:05 - 01:07:54:21

Well, I didn't I thought, this is what this is where you need to ask fucking for consent. Now get the fuck out before I beat your motherfucking ass. Yeah, I would, I would, would I would yeah.

01:07:54:21 - 01:07:55:09

Fuck that.

01:07:55:09 - 01:08:07:01

Yeah, I went and grabbed my pepper spray and got my pepper spray from my, from my where my keys were and said, get the fuck out, I'm going to scream and I'm going to walk your ass to what I do it. I get out.

01:08:07:03 - 01:08:08:15

01:08:08:17 - 01:08:28:10

Because I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought you should be fucking sorry. Oh, girl, it brought up so much, like, past shit and trauma. And now I've been being sexually assaulted, and. And, you know, all the things, Ryan, because I was like, what? What made you fucking think it was okay?

01:08:28:13 - 01:08:29:10

01:08:29:12 - 01:08:50:04

But. Right. And the the assuming and violence and all the other stuff. And that's when I got really like, I don't feel safe in my house. I can't, I can't invite guys over anymore. I need to have kids. I need to ask all the questions. And that's where guys got very like upset. Like, why are you asking all these questions?

01:08:50:04 - 01:08:50:19

01:08:50:22 - 01:08:53:17

I said, because it's like a fucking asshole to me in my house.

01:08:53:20 - 01:08:55:11

01:08:55:13 - 01:09:19:22

Now, on the flip side of that. I was working the door at this after hours club. I was working at the door at hours. It was New Year's Eve. Everyone had come to their parties and they came to this party. This is the party that, like, opens at two and closed at seven, right? So we're all partying and stuff.

01:09:20:00 - 01:09:38:12

I mean, this guy, we just clicked something about me and him. We just clicked, right? We just really, really clicked. He goes, when are you going to break? We go on a break. We going on a break. I go, well, let me go on a break. Right now. We go into this area in the back of the is it that the after party was at this house?

01:09:38:14 - 01:10:01:14

So we go behind the house, behind where we wanted is at. We start making out, right? We start making out any fucking details. Excuse. Can I, can I, can I hit you and I was like, what? He goes, can I put my hands right now. He goes, can I put my hands around your neck? And I was like, here's where my neck goes, please.

01:10:01:19 - 01:10:27:08

I put my hands around your neck. I go, can I put my hands around your neck? And he goes, because what I know you want to put your hands around my neck. I'm going to put my hands on your neck. He goes, oh, wow. I never thought about that. And he goes. And so I took his hands. I took one of his hand and I put it up to my neck, and I put my hand on his.

01:10:27:10 - 01:10:47:20

And we started making out and then started squeezing his neck. And he starts squeezing my neck and he goes, And it was take it so hard and squeeze my neck. And I'm like, And then we take our hand off, he goes, whoa! And then I slapped him.

01:10:47:22 - 01:10:55:11

And he goes up, and then he slapped me. And then we made out to get him.

01:10:55:13 - 01:10:57:17

01:10:57:19 - 01:11:21:03

And then we made out to get even more. We were to get even more. We were, like, ripping each other and, like, grabbing each other's hair, and we're just going at it. And then he put his hand on my neck again. I put my hand on his neck again, and then I, like, punched his chest. And when I pulled back and I came in, he goes, oh fuck the fuck that hot.

01:11:21:05 - 01:11:44:10

Shit. And then we made it again. And then you made it again. He goes, he goes, he goes home and fucking took him right now in the fucking building, which I knew I was like, I'm working. I got to go back. He goes, no, no, please don't leave. Please don't leave. Please don't leave. And I was like, that was fucking amazing.

01:11:44:12 - 01:11:53:05

It was so not final. It was pretty. But get your ass.

01:11:53:07 - 01:11:54:22

01:11:55:00 - 01:12:09:01

And I'm like, ooh. And also, what a good example of listening to physical cues using a mixture of verbal and physical check in, and also maybe teaching him that he is a switcher, or at least maybe even a submissive, like.

01:12:09:03 - 01:12:35:00

Yeah, it was such a not no, I have that years ago. And then the guy hit me was like in the last year, okay. Right. So it was such a different it was that opposite of like passion primal testing stuff out in the moment, all the things as opposed to some dude. I mean, grinder comes over, we kissed.

01:12:35:02 - 01:12:50:14

Yes. It reminds me of what you were saying earlier about. You can tell when they mean it. You can tell when they're connected. You can tell when a partner is there, or if they're just going through the motions, or if they're just a selfish lover like there. It's the connection in the person that is there or not there.

01:12:50:16 - 01:13:09:17

And I used to think age made a difference. I think like, oh, you know, because the guy, the guy who took each other's stuff, he was like, you know, I think he was in his 30s or something. And the guy slapped me was like, oh, he I'm of it. And I was like, I was like, when does age make a difference?

01:13:09:19 - 01:13:37:22

But I've met guys, you know, in their 50s who are like, don't listen, uncle. Think they're God's gift to women, all the things. And then I met like 20 somethings who are like tender and caring and listening and all the things I was like, I was like, you know what? I think it's all in like, choices and upbringing and and think about listening to the other person.

01:13:38:02 - 01:13:53:22

Is that even about gender? Sometimes because I've seen gay guys do this, I've seen women do this with other women. I think trans people do it with other trans people. They're listening to the partner and being turned on that they're turned on.

01:13:54:00 - 01:13:55:18

01:13:55:20 - 01:14:05:02

That's a to me, that's a huge thing. Are you turned on that the other person is turned on, or are you just turned down for your own self.

01:14:05:04 - 01:14:21:08

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's such a great point. And it's like age can make a difference. If you're live longer, you have more time to learn. But if you don't use that time to learn, then you're then it doesn't matter. You know, like.

01:14:21:13 - 01:14:34:16

There's Arrested Development, they call it, right? Arrested development, like you could be a 50 something year old is still think, well, if I take my dick out and just put my hands back, you know, it's okay. And it's like, who you.

01:14:34:18 - 01:14:52:16

And I've also met some partners who, like, knew a few things, but there was so much more to know. But because they knew these few things really well, there wasn't, you know, I'm like, don't start up just because, you know, you know, and and myself do. Right? Like, every day I learn new stuff about sex and I'm in it deeply.

01:14:52:16 - 01:14:57:22

And so it's like when people are like, nah, I'm good, I'm good. I'm like, all right, yeah, you're good over there.

01:14:58:00 - 01:15:23:22

Never stop, never stop learning, never stop being curious. I think that's a huge thing, too, of like, because I'm trans, I'm done. And it's like, it's like, no learning. Still learning about my body, still learning what feels good. You know, still learning that we go through phases of, like, wanting to be like a porn star and wanting to be made love to in.

01:15:23:22 - 01:15:48:20

Right. Yeah. We go through these phases of like how we want to do that and we all don't just operate unlike fucking, who are ready to have sex all the time. Like, I have stuff to do, all these kinds of things. But I realize I need to balance that out of being sexually active like that. It's a it's healthy.

01:15:48:21 - 01:15:50:00

01:15:50:02 - 01:16:11:17

It's healthy to have that. It's healthy to want that. It's healthy to talk about sex. It's healthy to solve in your sexuality. It's healthy to, you know, want certain things to talk about your needs. It's healthy because once you talk about your needs sexually, I can talk about my needs at work. I can talk about my needs with friends.

01:16:11:22 - 01:16:33:02

I can talk about my needs, you know, with my therapist. Like like talking about your stuff sexually opens up so much other freedom, right? Yeah. Opens up so much other freedom that you never thought you had. But but people concentrate laser focus on like, well, you got you like to talk about sex. So that's all you talk about all the time.

01:16:33:04 - 01:16:55:05

Like no one talk about fruit and anime and Marvel and Star Wars and, you know, phones and other stuff too. But we also talk about depth, simplicity and common ass and in, in coming and in all the things too, what is so you know, and it's not like we talk about sex around children, like we would never do that.

01:16:55:05 - 01:16:57:05

Now, you know, there's decorum. Well, there's.

01:16:57:05 - 01:17:14:06

No there's certain circumstances. And you got to wait for them to ask the questions and you got to know what their parents are okay with. But it's I mean, it's so true. I need to know if I'm with a partner that we can talk about sex, because if I'm, you know, talking about all the safe for work stuff, and then we get to my favorite subject and it's a no go, then I'm like, oh, what a bummer.

01:17:14:06 - 01:17:32:09

You know, like, I want to have someone who can go to with me. And what you said about curiosity really resonates with me, and I would love to hear what else you're curious to experience or explore. I mean, to bring it back to sex, because here we do talk about sex. Like what now? What are you wanting to experience next?

01:17:32:09 - 01:17:45:20

Obviously a new era of like, attentive, mutually delicious, primal play partnership in some way or another. But like, what else do you want to learn about?

01:17:45:21 - 01:17:47:08

Your phase.

01:17:47:10 - 01:17:51:16

I get so excited about what people are excited about.

01:17:51:18 - 01:18:32:22

And I'm curious to do more things at like sanctuary and, Bdsm spaces, especially for trans and non-binary people. Insisted on, exploring. More, more sex internationally. Like, I haven't like like I haven't had sex in London. Having that sex in Italy even. Fuck the Spaniard. Yeah, right. I haven't had sex yet. Like, right. I haven't gone to Mexico City and found some hot guy and fucked him there, right.

01:18:32:22 - 01:18:54:02

Those kinds of things. Like, I'm really excited to, like, explore and like, you know, go to reason, you know, get some guys and yeah, you know, but yeah. Right. Like that that that sounds fucking hot. You know, all that they get in Australian like I want to go to and like I want to fuck a guy in every.

01:18:54:03 - 01:18:57:03

Worldwide fucking bingo.

01:18:57:05 - 01:18:58:16

01:18:58:18 - 01:19:21:07

Like like to experience that kind of stuff when I, when I was in, when I was in, Stockholm, I had a guy from Colombia hit on me and I had performed up there and it guy in Colombia hit on me. And, we had off he stuck my toes for so many yards, and I was just like, oh my God.

01:19:21:07 - 01:19:51:20

Like, yeah, you guys go like that. And I was like, yeah, do it again. So yeah, oh my god. But it was one of those like a connection unlike this other level. Something interesting point that we just weren't going to like Bdsm in scenes. And even if I do want to do the mistress route, what does that look like for me if I want to try that out, you know, those kinds of things, I'll be like, okay, I'm gonna go see that.

01:19:51:21 - 01:20:21:10

I'm also down. I guess I'll be down for polyamory. You know, if it's in the right moment with the right people and we all, like, got a long, kitchen table. Polyamory. Yeah. Like everyone, everyone's upfront about what's going on, like, no, there's no secret. None of that stuff. But I'd be willing to, like, try that out and see what that looks like.

01:20:21:12 - 01:20:39:07

You know, you know, in, in, you know, I be polyamorous with, like, you know, two guys I, I love the level. You know, I'm really smart, amazing truffle all the like. Oh my God.

01:20:39:09 - 01:20:42:08

Wait. So have you had threesomes already?

01:20:42:10 - 01:20:43:03

Oh, yeah.

01:20:43:05 - 01:20:45:16

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

01:20:45:18 - 01:20:46:08

I had a meeting.

01:20:46:12 - 01:20:49:01

Okay. Just not getting bangs yet.

01:20:49:03 - 01:20:51:05

Just not getting bangs. But I've had a threesome.

01:20:51:07 - 01:20:57:10

What of your first perfect gangbang? With the three people we were talking about earlier? Turned into a quad pool, acquire a quad.

01:20:57:12 - 01:21:13:10

Acquired a common. Oh, that. We cool, that beautiful. And I remember people like in in polyamory and stuff in their like primary partner and all this stuff and I'm like, I'm just trying to get some coffee. You got two.

01:21:13:12 - 01:21:35:00

I mean, it could be you. When we set the intention and stay focused on I believe it's possible. And because you have such a new, clear idea of your wants and needs, and it sounds like you're, boundary setting motherfucker, like it sounds like you can do that part, you know? And so now it's a matter of like, filtration and keeping ourselves healthy as we filter and think.

01:21:35:00 - 01:22:03:21

The curiosity thing that we talked about earlier, about staying curious to like, what does it look like? And curious, like it's not always going to be perfect. Yeah. You know, I mean, in this book and read this book by Brené Brown about imperfection. Yeah. Really, really, really good. Yeah. The gift of imperfection and really, really, really diving into, like, letting go of what we think sex should look like.

01:22:03:21 - 01:22:30:22

It's not perfect. You know, relationships are not perfect. You know, I don't do things perfectly. You know, I'm not a perfect person. Like letting go of a lot of that stuff because I've, like, held on to, you know? Well, society tells us love looks like this. Sex looks like that. It's like this. The perfect things. And when it doesn't look like that, we're like, well, I'm going to keep doing it until it looks like that.

01:22:31:00 - 01:22:32:04

01:22:32:06 - 01:22:55:11

Yeah. Right. And then we get disappointed and angry and just disenchanted is the word I always use. We get disenchanted with sex. We get disenchanted with love. We get disenchanted with relationships. Right? We get disenchanted of, like everyone said, it's supposed to feel like this and look like this, but it doesn't. So what's wrong with me or what's wrong with them?

01:22:55:13 - 01:22:59:03

You know all those things and then realizing there's nothing wrong.

01:22:59:04 - 01:23:22:04

Yeah. So I'm very excited for this new era of Sydney pleasure, full blast or whatever we want to call it. I think because I it sounds like all the pieces are ready. They're being put in place. They're here is very, very clear. What are you really grateful that you know about sex and or what else do you feel like you need to know?

01:23:22:06 - 01:23:24:01

Can you ask any good questions?

01:23:24:03 - 01:23:27:14

I spent a lot of years thinking about it.

01:23:27:16 - 01:23:38:14

What do I think I need to know about thing? You know what it know what it is really understanding what makes the other person tick.

01:23:38:16 - 01:23:39:09

01:23:39:11 - 01:24:06:15

Really understanding what makes the other person excited. You know, it could be surface stuff like lingerie and heels and, you know, glossy lips. Yeah. Some guys get really turned on by that, that stuff, you know? Right. But then there's these moments when you're with them or anyone and there's like I say, when a guy touches me, I mean, just like I wouldn't cradles my face.

01:24:06:17 - 01:24:28:18

I love that I had to figure out that stuff for myself. But when I hit those buttons and someone else. And go, oh, you like it when I do this? And they're like, yeah, I didn't realize that like that. And I was like, oh, all right. Yeah, you like that. When I was, you like it when I touched your thigh.

01:24:28:19 - 01:24:35:04

You like it when I. A lot of guys I love, I love massaging the back of a guy's neck and head.

01:24:35:10 - 01:24:37:01

Yeah. Oh. Me too.

01:24:37:02 - 01:24:59:01

Like, when I'm with them, I'll massage it and I'll be. And one guy looked at me and went. I've never had anyone do that before. That is amazing. Yeah. And I was like, oh, all that, that, that means, that means, as I said, when I do that, I mean, I really, really like you. Yeah. When I'm listening the back of your neck and your hair and, touching your shoulders and stuff, that means I really like you.

01:24:59:03 - 01:25:23:11

And, you know, it goes, oh, wow. And I was like, yeah, I do so mean me finding the things that make them feel sexy, me finding things that makes them feel desired. I think that's an ongoing thing. Find the things that, yes, they might have a hard on. They might wake up with a hard on. But yeah.

01:25:23:11 - 01:25:26:19

What what what this is like, I like.

01:25:26:21 - 01:25:29:13

This, I'm like, give it to me.

01:25:29:15 - 01:25:34:09

I did, I do like I do like dig, dig too, I do, I do like.

01:25:34:10 - 01:25:37:12

Solicited ones when I ask for it, when I'm ready for it.

01:25:37:14 - 01:25:55:18

Yeah. When I'm ready for it. This guy sent this beautiful dick pic. Yeah, he had a really beautiful dick. I was like, oh my God. But but he was like, he was like, can you do one in the ass? Do you want this? And I was like, are we going gonna talk or are you just giving me gestures?

01:25:55:18 - 01:26:23:21

Are you just giving me, you know, the gestures and sex talk? And I'm like, I'm like, okay, I'm good. It. That's when I start going, sure you want to fuck me? Sure, sure. Yeah. Oh my, oh my, oh my earrings. I become like, sure. Yeah, sure. It's like, because it's not sex anymore, right? But but when but when but but I want to discover what makes you.

01:26:23:23 - 01:26:53:05

What makes you vulnerable? What makes you truly vulnerable? And do you feel safe enough to feel vulnerable with me? Yeah. And I think I think that's when that that's when you really connect with someone, you know, and, and I crave that more than I crave that nice dick pic more than I crave anything else. Yes, the primal fun man was always fun.

01:26:53:07 - 01:27:03:19

But that that that that part of like you being vulnerable with me. Me being unknowable with you. And what is that like? Oh.

01:27:03:21 - 01:27:22:06

You are such a phenomenal and thoughtful storyteller, and I can't wait for you to come back and show Sydney's update of this new hot era of pleasure being met and boundaries being respected. Where is the best place for people to find you on the internet? And these links will be in the description below.

01:27:22:08 - 01:27:49:11

And people can find me at, Miss Barbecue la on Instagram. You can find me, yeah. Miss Murphy a la on Instagram if you want to slide into with him. You're totally welcome to. And, Yeah, this this has been so amazing and fun, and I don't like I said, like I said, before we started, I didn't get to talk about sex like this often.

01:27:49:14 - 01:27:50:07

You can do.

01:27:50:07 - 01:27:51:12

It whenever you want.

01:27:51:13 - 01:28:19:03

My favorite I know, I know, I didn't get to talk about this, this stuff, this sex, sex, openly and honest. Often. And I think I need to do it more. I have a couple of friends who who are very sex positive, actually. Actually, all my friends are sex positive. But but but I think they see me as, like, this sweet, you know, you know, Sydney's you know, Sydney's always working and always doing things.

01:28:19:03 - 01:28:29:10

And, you know, but I don't think a lot of people see me as a sexual being. And and I'm trying to break out of that, that one part of people said.

01:28:29:12 - 01:28:37:07

Well, it sounds like you've broken out. It sounds like the rest of the world is just catching up. It's, you know, it's very sexy.

01:28:37:09 - 01:28:50:13

To look like coming out all over again. Yeah, like like you have to. You have to come out as, like, I have an open sexual being. And so. But I'm always scared that that's gonna, like, backfire on me or people only put me in a box.

01:28:50:17 - 01:28:53:03

Well, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes they do it.

01:28:53:04 - 01:29:04:16

Sometimes it does. Right that we can't worry about. We can't worry about being a sexual being and not, you know, having people judge us for stuff like that. Be there.

01:29:04:18 - 01:29:13:14

And I am always here for the stories and the celebrations whenever you want them, cause that's I'm I'm grateful to have you sharing your sex stories.

01:29:13:16 - 01:29:17:19

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This is amazing.