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27 bisexual plus-sized femme, switch, non-monogamish, partnered 9 months, disability support worker, Australian, into: Dominance, submission, new experiences, restraints, cock and ball torture, crafts, burlesque

🔗 BEBE LINKS | @bebe.bubbles

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00:00:00:06 - 00:00:22:01

Luna

And this is part two of Bebe’s Sex Stories. And if you haven't listened yet, you can just dive right in with us or go back and check out the first episode. Our guest today is a 27 year old bisexual non-monogamous, so we're going to talk about it. Plus size femme, who is partnered in a nine month relationship and recently had her first experience with a vagina owner.

00:00:22:01 - 00:00:48:18

Luna

Well, first physical experience with a vagina owner. And if you listen to the first episode, you'll have a little bit of the other experiences. So after dabbling in submission off and on during her early 20s, it included multiple bouts of whole phases which we are going to fill in the gaps about today. She is a recently realized switch, which we're getting more details about today, who's into new experiences, restraints both ways, and has lately been experimenting with cock and ball torture, which we still need details of.

00:00:48:18 - 00:01:06:20

Luna

But seriously, if you haven't listened to part one, there's a very hot story about some hot things that happened in a van and many other good details. And as a reminder, human wise, she loves all things crafty and performance, is a dabbler in burlesque and currently is a disability support worker and has different types of intimacy work coaching sex ed empowerment.

00:01:06:20 - 00:01:11:08

Luna

On the horizon with us today from Australia. Welcome back baby.

00:01:11:10 - 00:01:13:12

Bebe

Hello! I'm excited to be back.

00:01:13:14 - 00:01:33:13

Luna

I am so excited to have you back. Let's continue with your sexy sexy time line we have. We got some sprinklings of Hope phase one and phase two. We have a six year relationship that needs filling in the gaps. I want to hear about the switch penis and the cock and ball torture in the Bdsm and the monogamous ness when we get to it.

00:01:33:15 - 00:01:38:13

Luna

Where shall we start? Shall we start chronologically with phase one? Filling in our details?

00:01:38:15 - 00:02:03:02

Bebe

Yeah. So I think the van story came from whole phase one. So we might as well keep going from there. And then we'll head into hopefully the six year relationship with hopefully, hopefully, because that kind of happened in between. And then we get into Ho phase 2.0. Great. And then that leads into my current situations, which are so yeah.

00:02:03:07 - 00:02:19:15

Bebe

So phase one, was it was a time of, just like it was, I think, coming from a place that wasn't super healthy. And I think that that should be, I guess, noted, in case I didn't say that last time.

00:02:20:08 - 00:02:33:01

Luna

Wrinkle that I do want to ask you at the time, were you framing it as I'm in a Ho phase, or was it more like I'm being slutty? Like, do you remember how you thought of it at the time versus how you think about it now, frame wise?

00:02:33:03 - 00:02:52:03

Bebe

Yeah. So I think at the time I, I still was like kind of coming at it from that point of view. I think at the time I go to the slut phase, which was just part of the DNA, but I was really excited to like, tell my friends about it and all of that, and that was all really exciting.

00:02:52:04 - 00:03:14:01

Bebe

However, looking back on it, I realized that it was a lot of like destructive tendencies and things like that. Which I've later been able to essentially go into phase two when I, I was able to kind of reframe and understand where I was coming from because it was quite a turbulent time in my life. Like I wasn't dealing very well, like with my mental health.

00:03:14:03 - 00:03:41:03

Bebe

And I was seeking like validation from these relationships. I can actually I can go into a hopefully shorter story, but, about being catfished once and not having the not maturity, but I just I didn't get myself out of that situation the way I probably should have. And that was quite unfortunate. And it was not a very nice experience.

00:03:42:05 - 00:03:53:12

Bebe

But I ended up even though I realized what had happened and I realized I was being catfished, I still went through with hooking up with this person that had met me. There, which was not the same person.

00:03:53:13 - 00:03:58:04

Luna

Oh, interesting. Okay, okay. And that's where the food kind of comes at. My little antenna always go up.

00:03:58:04 - 00:03:58:21

Bebe

When I.

00:03:58:23 - 00:04:03:04

Luna

Should. But I also hear that it's like a lesson for future me or not.

00:04:03:05 - 00:04:24:16

Bebe

Exactly. And that was very much what it was in the end. Where because I did that and I felt really I felt really shameful afterwards and just like, quite like, for lack of a better word. And I like the word dirty in other contexts, but I felt really dirty because I didn't, respect my own boundaries. I think that was really the big issue.

00:04:25:04 - 00:04:48:01

Bebe

Because I was like, oh, but this person's expecting something from me. And it was like kind of the negative aspect of like people pleasing, where it's like, oh, but this person, you know, even though they had done something which was, I guess, you know, objectively wrong. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Deeply questionable. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. It wasn't a good thing for them to do, but I felt obliged.

00:04:48:03 - 00:05:19:22

Bebe

You know, I felt like I had to do something for this person despite that. And so that was a really hard kind of like learning curve, which I think kind of carries through in a lot of ways. Just to speed forward a little bit, like I did through whole phase one, I, you know, I experimented with some partners with like, spanking and, a little bit just a little bit of like, restraint stuff, which was really fun.

00:05:20:08 - 00:05:30:13

Bebe

But that was kind of the first little inklings of any kind of DSM stuff. Okay. But I didn't get super into, like, sub dom kind of relationships at that point.

00:05:30:15 - 00:05:52:06

Luna

Okay, wait, I actually want to slow you down because I love your details. I'm not in a rush. Like like I really want to make sure that you don't feel the need to rush because just. Wow, I fucking love the way you give details. And in terms of the early explorations, especially when it comes to spanking, which I'm a huge fan of, I am, as we record this freshly spanked as of earlier today too.

00:05:52:06 - 00:06:11:06

Luna

So I'm like, ooh, let's talk about it. I've spoken to so many people who in first experiences with spankings, there was not necessarily prior discussion about it. Right. It's something that is shown on screen a lot. So it's something that people do a lot. And you know, it does create lots of delicious, arousal for the nerve endings.

00:06:11:06 - 00:06:31:23

Luna

You know, a bottom leads to all of the pleasure parts in many, you know, in people of any body type. Right? It, it it activates the nerves and brings blood flow to the genital area. And it's really hot. Can you tell us a little bit what your experiences were like getting to those and then kind of like what you learned from it or kind of, how it either was or wasn't framed.

00:06:32:00 - 00:06:53:14

Bebe

Yes. So, definitely the first couple of times it wasn't framed. So it was just kind of a part of the sex. So like, we would be like, you know, during sex, the person would just spank me. And I was like, oh, that was really fun. And so, like, because it and it wasn't super hard or anything like that, it was just a part of the pleasure.

00:06:53:16 - 00:07:12:10

Bebe

And like being a process person, I find I have quite a lot of padding. So it does. I don't feel like it doesn't hurt too much, even if a person like spank me pretty firmly. At least for the hand, which is nice. So that means I can kind of take that a little bit more, which is really fun.

00:07:13:12 - 00:07:22:05

Bebe

And also things like, like I, I'm actually quite a big fan of marks on my body, contributing to it.

00:07:22:06 - 00:07:27:03

Luna

Depending on who it's coming from. Also depending on actually your mission.

00:07:27:05 - 00:08:01:10

Bebe

Yes. And that one's quite big for me as far as like permissions for marks on my body. Like, there were definitely times I think, like a couple when, like, things like a hickey, was given. And I didn't illicitly say that that was okay. But like, that became something very quickly for me that I brought up with people and like, you know, because I don't even though I enjoy them, obviously there's certain settings where I'm not trying to have, like, hickeys on my neck and things like that, because I go out in public and I have to interact with people in the world.

00:08:02:10 - 00:08:17:10

Bebe

Unfortunately, people still see them and they're like, oh my God, you have a hickey. I'm like, that's because I have sex. I'm sorry, is that a problem? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Hanson. Yeah. Like, I'm sorry, but I'm not at all because I really enjoyed it.

00:08:17:12 - 00:08:30:18

Luna

Wait, do you actually say that to people, or is that just your emotional vibe? And, like, because I'm like, sometimes I've been like, I'm a sensual lady, but, like, you know, just just to kind of like, reflect back to them, like, why are you trying to shame me? But like, what's your actual response?

00:08:30:22 - 00:08:51:14

Bebe

I have actually responded like that to someone before. Okay. Because it was a person who, you know, like when it was kind of in a funny way, like, okay, okay, I got along pretty well, so it was fine. Though, one time I was wearing a turtleneck at work, and the weather was definitely getting too hot for that.

00:08:52:00 - 00:09:08:08

Bebe

Because I just, I had just gotten a bit to, in the moment with the person who I had consented with and it was okay, but I was like, I probably shouldn't have allowed that to happen because I have to go to work with this turtleneck. Totally, because I work with teenagers and no, no, they always know.

00:09:08:08 - 00:09:35:06

Bebe

Yeah. But despite that, they worked it out anyway. They worked it out. They already because they're teenagers and they know this. They just they immediately know. Yeah. So it was very, it's very funny. But they, they just like to, you know, make little digs anyway, that's what they do. But yeah, if it's an adult person and they're a person I am comfortable with, I'm going to be like, well, that's because I have sex and I enjoy this as part of my sex.

00:09:35:08 - 00:09:47:03

Bebe

Like, this was a thing I enjoy. So. And I'm quite open about that. If it was like, I don't know if it was someone I didn't know very well, I'd probably be like, well, what do you think happened? You know, like.

00:09:47:07 - 00:09:47:17

Luna

Yeah, yeah.

00:09:47:18 - 00:09:49:06

Bebe

Like I like to win the blank.

00:09:49:08 - 00:09:55:14

Luna

I like the idea of a very deadpan, I burned myself on a curling iron.

00:09:55:16 - 00:09:58:10

Bebe

Yeah. And I'm sitting in.

00:09:58:12 - 00:10:06:21

Luna

Like, what? What? Yeah. What you want to say? So during this whole phase, 1.0, there were Spanx. What else were you kind of like playing with?

00:10:06:23 - 00:10:21:13

Bebe

Yeah. So things like, hickeys and things like that. Just like rougher play as well, actually, something I really enjoy talking about as well as breath play, which I know has issues, obviously, as far as like safety. Well, we must be.

00:10:21:15 - 00:10:22:10

Luna

Safe when we do.

00:10:22:10 - 00:10:37:09

Bebe

It. We must be safe. And there were probably, especially at one point, there were probably less safe moments because I didn't know what I was doing. I just know I enjoyed the feeling, okay? And I didn't know how to communicate that to a partner.

00:10:37:09 - 00:11:05:13

Luna

Yeah, I'd like to define safety when it comes to breath play, per my current understanding. And remember, I'm not an official sex educator. I've just been to a workshop for three. So what? One has to be really careful of when breath play is crushing a trachea and cutting off like, full blood supply to arteries. So the safest way that I've been taught is if you put a hand on your cleavage clavicle area and go up, you create this nice pressure underneath the what is this called, the jawbone.

00:11:05:13 - 00:11:26:10

Luna

Like down here. And so you're creating this nice thing. You're not crushing a trachea. You're not cutting off all the air supply. But it's a very powerful feeling. Do not do breath play alone. Do not get on the internet and have an internet Domme tell you to choke yourself with a belt, or any sort of scarf or anything like that.

00:11:26:12 - 00:11:44:22

Luna

Do not ever, ever. If if you're in the submissive role, do not be in a situation where you're dominant, walks away. If you are in a breath play situation, if they have you in something or in a situation where you can fall, that can kill you like breath play can kill you just to be, just to be like health and safety about everything.

00:11:44:23 - 00:11:57:12

Luna

Yeah. You know and so and I really enjoy it. Right. But it's we see choking so often in porn. And again those are Olympians. Those are trained people. And also there are a lot of porn sets that are not safe.

00:11:57:14 - 00:12:21:02

Bebe

Yeah. So, coming towards the end of phase 1.1, I had a very crazy night. That almost, like, shocked me out of that phase. And like, I'm happy to talk about it now, but at the time, it was like, it really brought to a head the fact that I was doing this in a space that was unhealthy for me, where it was like, because I was craving validation.

00:12:21:02 - 00:12:46:02

Bebe

I was, you know, seeking stimulation, I which is okay, but I was doing it in a way where like the danger of not knowing these people was adding to it. So I had been away for a weekend doing like conferences, and I was feeling really overwhelmed because sometimes this, spaces can be really overwhelming, just like that, like loudness and excitement.

00:12:46:04 - 00:13:06:14

Bebe

And that was feeling like that was too much. So I was like, yep. Okay, so I had hopped on an app, probably Tinder at the time. I found someone to hook up with. Now, I was coming to the end of my period that weekend, and that had stopped that day, and I was like, cool, amazing, fantastic. I'm going to go hook up with this person.

00:13:06:16 - 00:13:26:23

Bebe

And I went to their hotel room and we got into it and it was really, really not great. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that was disappointing. And I feel really bad about it now, but I made up a whole story that meant that I had to go and live. Like I kind of let them finish off.

00:13:26:23 - 00:13:43:02

Bebe

So they came and I was like, okay, oh no, I have to leave for a reason. I'm so sorry. I'm going to go know. I think I just got myself out of there and just like, left. I felt bad though, because they were like, oh, you're going to come back. And I was like, baby boy.

00:13:43:04 - 00:13:43:18

Luna

I mean.

00:13:43:22 - 00:13:45:19

Bebe

I probably just should have said no, but.

00:13:45:21 - 00:14:03:14

Luna

Yes. And looking back, we don't need to shoot our scenes. We learned from that experience. And now I'm at a place where I could give a different answer. But at the time, sometimes I sometimes I have in the past me before she knew better, was like, oh, I have a boyfriend, you know? Which, yeah, has its own problematic thing is that.

00:14:03:14 - 00:14:09:09

Luna

But then also sometimes people listen to that. So it's like, yeah, past you was learning. Okay. So you got out of there.

00:14:09:11 - 00:14:31:04

Bebe

Yeah. So I got out of that. But I went down back into my car from the hotel. On my phone, I had a message from some other person online. Not someone I'd ever met or talk to before, but then I. Yeah, I messaged them back and they're like, oh yeah, having some drinks with some friends. And you know, we're just, you know, playing beer pong or whatever it was.

00:14:32:06 - 00:14:54:02

Bebe

And I was like, can I go? And I didn't realize that some friends meant just him and two makes all, like, two guy friends. And so I was already, like, just I was reeling from the weekend I had had I was reeling from not having satisfying sex like. So I was just like, you know, weird headspace because of it.

00:14:54:04 - 00:15:16:05

Bebe

And so I then drove the like nearly an hour. I was already an hour away from my house. I then drove another hour elsewhere. So it's on this triangle here. And then I met these guys and I started drinking with them, and I. I can drink a bit of alcohol before I'm really, really drunk, but I drink a lot of alcohol.

00:15:17:13 - 00:15:22:06

Bebe

Because I was in a situation that I probably should have been.

00:15:22:08 - 00:15:25:15

Luna

But we don't need to shit ourselves. But it sounds like you learned from it.

00:15:25:17 - 00:15:46:18

Bebe

Yes, I have learned a lot from it. And like these days, I. If I'm meeting up with a person for the first time, I might have one drink, but I'm not going to get drunk. Yeah. And that's. This is actually a big part of why. So I do I don't I don't regret how this night went necessarily, but I do feel like it taught me a lot.

00:15:46:20 - 00:16:09:14

Bebe

Okay. And it really shifted my frame of mind, I guess is. Yeah. How that went. So I was drinking with these guys and there was a pool there. And I am a sucker for water I love so, so much. So I jumped in fully clothed, which was we had choice because then I had no dry clothes.

00:16:09:16 - 00:16:10:00

Luna

Been there.

00:16:10:05 - 00:16:25:09

Bebe

So I was in the pool and they all jumped in as well. And we were all hanging out, and I ended up only hooking up with one of the guys. So, you know, that's cool. Okay. Yeah. So and we ended up like making out in the pool and it was all really fun. But I ended up going this water like is has saturated the dress I was wearing.

00:16:25:11 - 00:16:27:02

Bebe

So it's too heavy. So I just took it off.

00:16:27:06 - 00:16:28:00

Luna

Yep.

00:16:28:02 - 00:16:31:04

Bebe

So and I was naked in a pool with three guys. So that was funny as well.

00:16:31:04 - 00:16:34:12

Luna

So I'm like something is done doing it.

00:16:34:12 - 00:16:51:06

Bebe

And it was really fun. At the time I was having the best time. I was like, this is so enjoyable. This is so funny and silly, and it's fun because like, you know, I'm looking at this person, I'll go home in the morning. It's all good. So then we went to his bedroom and we ended up like hooking up a little bit, and it was quite dark in there.

00:16:51:08 - 00:17:15:14

Bebe

And it was one of those situations where it's like, oh, you're really wet, That's really cool. Turns out my period, it started back up again, which did happen been particularly when it's all getting stimulated. Now, this was the first time that had happened with a partner. And I was mortified. Yeah. And I was incredibly drunk and my clothes were wet, and he handled it pretty well, actually.

00:17:15:14 - 00:17:34:09

Bebe

He's like, no worries, I'll just change the sheets. Like it's not a big issue. But I was spiraling totally. Like he was really lovely about the whole thing. Yeah. I was like, no, I have to get out of here. I need to leave. It's like, well, you're really drunk. You can't drive. And like, he tried his best to stop me, but I was like, you know, I'm a big girl.

00:17:34:09 - 00:17:51:02

Bebe

I can push through things pretty easily. So I was like, gone. I grabbed my dress. It was wet. I put it back on. I think I had a towel in my boot, so I just put that on the chair and. But on the way out of that space, one of the friends was like, hey, I think you're really attractive.

00:17:51:02 - 00:18:10:19

Bebe

And it would be cool if we could catch up sometime. But I'm like, I'm kind of going through it. I don't know if you can tell. So I don't know. I'd be on social media and we'll, no, we'll chat later. I just need to go. And then I proceeded to drive home quite intoxicated. Which is a terrible decision as far as decisions go.

00:18:10:21 - 00:18:30:17

Bebe

It's very dangerous and should not have. Yeah. If if that is the case, find another way. Because it was it was terrible. I like I was terrified the whole time that I was going to get caught doing something bad was going to happen. And I drove so slowly. Yeah. Because I was just like, but I just needed to get home.

00:18:30:17 - 00:18:39:14

Bebe

Nothing. I was like, no thing could happen to me right now. That feels worse than not getting home, you know? Like, I just need to go home so bad.

00:18:39:14 - 00:18:41:06

Luna

Very place to be.

00:18:41:08 - 00:19:03:11

Bebe

It was terrifying. And like I said, that's part of why now, these days, you know, if I'm going out with someone, I might have a drink or two, but I'm not getting drunk, you know, because I just I don't want to put myself in that space again. So I managed to get home, luckily. Scathed relatively, and my house didn't have very good, like, phone reception.

00:19:03:12 - 00:19:25:07

Bebe

And at the time we didn't have, like, Wi-Fi calling. So I was like, holding my phone up in my window because I lived in, like, I live with my parents at the time, or my mom and stepdad. And I needed my mom really badly at that point. And so I finally managed to hold my phone up in a spot that got reception.

00:19:26:06 - 00:19:46:09

Bebe

And, I managed to call her, and it was like 5 a.m. at the time, and she couldn't hear me properly, but she could work out that I needed her. And at this point I'd gotten changed. And like you know, I'd put a pad on and I was able to like, you know, I felt comfortable again, but I just couldn't call my system down.

00:19:46:09 - 00:20:08:00

Bebe

Yeah. Yeah. And so she came out and just like, you know, held me in my bed and, you know, reminded me that I'm like, you know, that it's okay to have had that experience. I think that's that was huge. Yeah. Just to have someone accept me at where I was, you know, like, she wasn't like. I can't believe you drove home drunk.

00:20:08:00 - 00:20:29:15

Bebe

I can't believe you did this other thing. She was just making space for me there. What a guy. And allowing me to be how I was. And that was. Yeah, it was the beginning of this shift for me. It wasn't immediate. I did end up hooking up with the friend. They added me on social media. Okay, that actually did it girl thing.

00:20:29:17 - 00:21:00:20

Bebe

Yeah. But it actually ended up not being something I enjoyed. Because it was. And this is where I think I almost got, like, set off from any sort of like, you know, rougher Bdsm like stuff because he was too rough and not listening. Yeah. Like it was, yeah. It was just a bit far out of what I felt comfortable with.

00:21:00:20 - 00:21:24:03

Bebe

And I asked once, and it just didn't turn like he didn't hear it or he didn't process it. And so then that was it. Because he wasn't, you know, he wasn't an experienced Domme or anything like that. So he didn't understand. I don't think he didn't understand what I was asking. And so he just kind of switched to doing something else, which was also not working for me.

00:21:24:17 - 00:21:46:06

Bebe

But I kind of just let that happen because I didn't have the language to communicate what I wanted or what I needed in that moment. So once it kind of finished, I felt really gross and uncomfortable and like I didn't interact with that person again because I was just like like, I can't do that to myself anymore.

00:21:46:20 - 00:22:10:00

Bebe

And I can't let things happen to me like that because that's not helping me, you know? That's that's hurting me. And I don't like that. So I ended up deleting all of my, like, dating apps or anything like that for a little bit. And I kind of went like cold turkey, I guess, from any hookups. For a little while.

00:22:10:06 - 00:22:37:18

Bebe

Not a long time, probably six months. But it was just enough to kind of like, okay, where am I at? What am I looking for? Do I want a relationship? Like, these are all the sorts of things I was then changing my mind on. Yeah. And like, starting to shift and know, hooking up with one person, but it was specifically because it felt like a bit of a bucket list kind of joke.

00:22:37:20 - 00:23:00:03

Bebe

So more. There was this person I knew in high school, we'd been kind of not necessarily friends, but classmates through a lot of it. And like, we knew each other and we always got along fine. And I had the biggest crush on him at one point in my schooling was like, I was like, this is a person that I'm just like, so into.

00:23:00:05 - 00:23:03:14

Bebe

Yeah. And.

00:23:03:16 - 00:23:26:08

Bebe

We matched on Tinder and I was like, no way. This is that's crazy. No way. And so we ended up chatting. He came over and we hooked up and I was like, like, it was fun. It was good. It was nothing special. No, I know, but yeah, it was good and enjoyable. And it felt like such a like achievement for teenage baby.

00:23:26:08 - 00:23:51:09

Bebe

Totally get it. Know. And so because of that I was like, oh my God, like I did the thing isn't that cool and exciting? And I actually I told him I was like, oh, you realize I had like the biggest crush on you on point in high school. And he's like, what? No. I'm like, yeah. And he's like, you know, if you brought that up, I thought you were really cute.

00:23:51:09 - 00:24:13:21

Bebe

We could of like and I, but I was actually not in a good place with my own self-image. So I immediately started to like, you know, I couldn't believe that someone would find me attractive, particularly as a teenager. And I was like, no, absolutely not. Like, you're lying to me. Like, yeah, don't say that because you absolutely didn't.

00:24:13:23 - 00:24:20:01

Bebe

And so I was putting words in his mouth that weren't there. In fact, I was putting the opposite, you know, which is something I.

00:24:20:03 - 00:24:41:22

Luna

Do that I have done that also. I'm like seeing myself like I literally was a secret hookup buddy of that guy in high school, like in. And I was always like, but he would never really like me. And looking back, I'm like, yeah, we hooked up for like six years, like into college. And he was always hitting me up, and I think I just was too autistic to realize that maybe there was something I don't know.

00:24:41:22 - 00:24:49:12

Luna

So it's like really and I couldn't. And it's only now that I'm like looking back and starting to rewrite that story as a 35 year old, you know, like, I'm like.

00:24:49:12 - 00:25:05:17

Bebe

I'm that's so it's so interesting how like we can do that now, you know, like, you know, reflecting on those moments where I'm now so aware that what I was doing was coming from a place of my own lack of self-esteem.

00:25:05:18 - 00:25:06:20

Luna

Yeah. And for.

00:25:06:20 - 00:25:07:08

Bebe

Me, I.

00:25:07:08 - 00:25:13:17

Luna

Hear because, like, to say yes then means that me back then was wrong or like the whole body.

00:25:13:20 - 00:25:25:00

Bebe

Stuff and having to accept the fact that maybe the problem wasn't that no one was attracted to me. Yeah, like, what if the problem is that I didn't know how to communicate to these people.

00:25:25:02 - 00:25:27:14

Luna

And or I'm still working on my own self-love here.

00:25:27:20 - 00:25:49:07

Bebe

Yeah. Yeah, that's that's a lot. That was, like, hard to take. Yeah. And so and I was like also because, you know, I was a bit of a weird kid. So you know, I was convinced that like, okay, sure, maybe you might have find me attractive, but you definitely didn't find me attractive. And the person you want it to hang out with, like, I can't think that being the two of them.

00:25:49:09 - 00:26:14:14

Bebe

That's madness, you know? So it was just, like a lot of self-doubt there and lack of self-esteem that was creating that kind of a response. And I realize that now. But, you know, it took. So that was the last hook up I had before meeting the partner. I had long term. So that was, yeah, the end of her phase.

00:26:14:21 - 00:26:35:13

Bebe

1.0, I suppose, which is kind of a nice way to end it, to cap that off, you know, just be like, how round and nice. And even though. Yeah, we met. Oh. Like, we matched on Tinder and reconnected there. You know, someone I knew previously, which was unusual, because I only had them once before, so it was kind of.

00:26:35:13 - 00:26:38:12

Bebe

Yeah. And I said a way to round that out.

00:26:39:07 - 00:26:47:03

Luna

Was that like a conscious choice? Because you were in this time of reflection, or was it because you got into the relationship after that, like, like the end of that one point?

00:26:47:03 - 00:27:15:21

Bebe

Oh yeah. It was because I got into the relationship. But it was also partly like I when I went back onto the dating apps kind of in this, you know, after the six months of taking time off, I went in not with like, you know, I can't hook up with anyone. It can't be a one night stand or whatever, but I was like, I want to explore the possibility of relationships.

00:27:16:10 - 00:27:34:15

Bebe

I want to interact with people who want to also get to know me. And I think the reason I also just, like, hooked up with someone that was a crush was also because it was a bit of that, like, bucket list kind of mentality where I'm like, oh, then I get that off. Yeah.

00:27:34:17 - 00:27:39:11

Luna

I would be curious to not explore it, right? Like I'm like, it's only. Yeah.

00:27:39:13 - 00:27:55:20

Bebe

Yeah. So even though I, I went into it with this frame of mind, as soon as that happened, it kind of went out the window because I was like, but I kind of just want to know what it's like, but that's okay. That's my curiosity just going all the time. Like, I want to know things. I don't want to learn things.

00:27:55:22 - 00:28:22:02

Bebe

So, yeah, have those experiences. So yeah, that was really fun. But yeah. Then I met the partner and six and a half years, he is autistic and it was the first time someone didn't just kind of initially hit on me. He, he kind of jokingly apparently sent me the message like, oh, do you want to, like, come over and hang out expecting like, a no.

00:28:22:04 - 00:28:22:18

Luna

Yeah.

00:28:22:20 - 00:28:24:14

Bebe

And I was like, yeah.

00:28:24:16 - 00:28:26:09

Luna

Interesting. Okay.

00:28:26:11 - 00:28:43:20

Bebe

Yeah. Because like when people ask me that, I would go hang out totally. And I usually knew what they wanted from me, but be like, you know, a month or two since the last person. So I was like, if that works for me, yeah. So let's hang out for a bit. But I got to have health. And the dog answered the door and it was this cute little white fluffy thing.

00:28:45:04 - 00:29:04:07

Bebe

And it was like, I got there and I knocked and he was like, video gaming. He was playing games at the time. And so he's like, oh yeah, come in. It didn't come into it, didn't come to the door. And it was just like so funny to me. Like looking back at it like, okay, sure, I'll just let myself into your house.

00:29:04:07 - 00:29:06:16

Bebe

I could be anyone you didn't know.

00:29:06:18 - 00:29:12:11

Luna

That's a specific first introduction, and it led to a six year relationship.

00:29:12:12 - 00:29:34:12

Bebe

Yeah. So I just went to like, sat with him while he played video games. And like, I grew up with family members who are autistic. Myself and like, all of this and I wasn't put off by that because I get that sometimes it's just like a lot to have a person, like looking at you and interacting face to face.

00:29:34:12 - 00:29:52:00

Bebe

And just like I was like, yeah, that's fine. We can just chat. And like, we sat there and talked about music and video games and all that sort of stuff, and we just kind of end up hanging out. Eventually he kind of like put the game down and like, we were talking and just like, you know, getting to know each other more.

00:29:52:05 - 00:30:13:00

Bebe

And I'd been there for a few hours at this point. So we were just playing like little logic puzzle games on a, on his phone. We kind of ended up doing that in his bed. I think it must have been cold or something. And then, like, we started making out a little bit and like he told me, like the next day, he's like, I really thought that was all that was going to be.

00:30:13:01 - 00:30:23:03

Bebe

But then I ended up seeing the night and once again, I don't know how I do it. It must be something to do with my cycle. But I just finished my period, so I was like, not again. I'm not having sex with this person right now.

00:30:23:05 - 00:30:24:13

Luna

Yeah.

00:30:24:15 - 00:30:47:07

Bebe

But I did end up like giving them head and you know, we did other things. And he's like, I was not expecting that at all. Because like, yeah, it was just like, oh, like I was okay with it. Otherwise I would have like told you. But I was just like not expecting it. And I was like, which is crazy because I'm not used to people not expecting that from me.

00:30:47:09 - 00:30:58:05

Luna

Interesting is it? Yeah. Is it a feeling of expectation? So are you the escalator. But is it out of a feeling of like, well, this is the next probable step or was it like, yes.

00:30:58:07 - 00:31:31:04

Bebe

Okay. Very much so. Especially at that point, like I had an image of how things worked in my mind based on very limited kind of exposure, I guess, because I didn't have any hookups or anything like that except for, you know, I guess making out with my girlfriends at parties when we were drunk, you know, like, I didn't have any of the formative experiences at that point, so I didn't have any of that.

00:31:31:04 - 00:31:55:16

Bebe

Like it was. I either didn't hook up with the person or I had sex with the person like they were the two kind of modes. So the fact that I didn't have sex with them on the first night was a huge step for me, as I look at me like, well, look, I'm going so slowly. And it became really fast that we spent a lot of time together.

00:31:55:18 - 00:32:20:09

Bebe

I've also noticed that in a pattern, just as a bit of a like comparison to my current relationship is that I if I am falling for a person, it happens. So quickly. Like, if that's going to happen, it happens in an instant. You know, all of a sudden this person was in my life for five days a week, and that time was spent like he had his own house.

00:32:20:09 - 00:32:34:05

Bebe

I was living with my parents. So I ended up at his house a lot. And, like, he came to mine a couple times, and all of a sudden I just, like, wasn't around at my house. And, you know, that became like, a whole other thing.

00:32:34:22 - 00:32:44:03

Luna

So. So you got into this six year relationship like that, and then what, like in that time and you guys were monogamous?

00:32:44:05 - 00:32:44:22

Bebe

Yes.

00:32:45:00 - 00:32:55:17

Luna

Okay. Yeah. So tell us, tell us kind of like the highlights and what you learned of it because it's, that's the one that also you it became less sexy as time went on. Right. Yes.

00:32:55:19 - 00:33:09:09

Bebe

Yeah. So to start with, like, you know, even if we're not getting along, he should be commended on, you know, just having a quite a big penis. So I really enjoyed that. But.

00:33:09:09 - 00:33:13:04

Luna

Don't you find that some big penis owners are a little bit lazy about their lovers.

00:33:13:04 - 00:33:16:06

Bebe

Skills? I have found that in other people.

00:33:16:06 - 00:33:17:02

Luna

Okay, not.

00:33:17:02 - 00:33:25:09

Bebe

Actually wasn't too bad. Like he. Okay, he put in the effort, and that was great. Actually, he was the 122. Okay, okay.

00:33:25:09 - 00:33:31:03

Luna

I commend his effort. I commend his effort. I always commit an effort more than a thing we can't control personally.

00:33:31:06 - 00:33:36:12

Bebe

Exactly. No, that's very fair. So great as well as conveniently, that he had a big brain.

00:33:36:12 - 00:33:39:23

Luna

Okay, so he's the one that like to. I need to.

00:33:39:23 - 00:33:57:23

Bebe

Make you like to him. Yeah. Okay. So that was really cool. And that was when I realized that I could, I like I'd had other partners that I'd come multiple times with, but I was like, I can do this every time, and I can, like, not get enough of it. And so that person was really great for that, especially at the beginning.

00:33:57:23 - 00:34:31:21

Bebe

Like, you know, the first two years of our relationship, it was in a highly sexual. And I loved that and it was great. It was also I moved in that it started to Peter out. But I think part of that was also a shift in other aspects of my life. That was when I really developed quite an intense crush on a person who I was in a musical with, and this was a female bodied person, and that was really confusing to my brain, because I didn't realize at the time that I was bisexual.

00:34:31:23 - 00:34:48:15

Bebe

So I was just like, oh, I want to spend all of my time with this person. Like, I get to see them 3 to 4 times a week, and I love hanging out with them. And I just it's just so pretty and so amazing and so funny. And I just really like her a lot. And I just want to spend all of my time there.

00:34:48:15 - 00:35:12:10

Bebe

And I didn't realize at the time that that might have equated to. But I was interested in her, like romantically. But we had like one night where she came over and like, you know, it, we all had had like a couple of drinks, not heaps, but we, you know, started, like making out with each other, all three of us.

00:35:12:13 - 00:35:35:16

Bebe

And I just couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that I enjoyed making out with her so much more at that moment then with my partner, you know, like, I had plenty of things negative to say outside of, like if I was chatting to my friends about, I'm like, oh, like, this isn't working. That's not working. I'm not feeling really good.

00:35:35:16 - 00:36:00:02

Bebe

And then, like, maybe you should think about that. Yeah, but I wasn't ready to hear it, so I didn't. But there were still a lot of great moments through that. Like, you know, went and saw some new schools together and we had some lovely dinners out and like, you know, we grew as people and we, you know, we went from living in a town to we ended up moving to the city post-Covid, because I wanted to go back to uni.

00:36:00:02 - 00:36:25:14

Bebe

And he was really supportive in a lot of those ways. And all of a sudden I had access to the arts community and the queer community in a way that I never had before. That's life changing. Exciting. Yeah, it really yeah. It's so life changing. And like, I got to see people doing things that I only dreamed of doing and I could finally access doing burlesque.

00:36:25:14 - 00:36:47:02

Bebe

And like, I found that really exciting. Unfortunately, they didn't, love the thought of them necessarily, like they weren't going to stop me from doing burlesque, if that's what I wanted to do. But they're like, yeah, like, I don't really enjoy going to the shows, just because I feel a bit weird about it. And so I didn't feel very supported in that way.

00:36:47:19 - 00:37:01:02

Bebe

That was quite hard because, I think I mentioned in the first part that I love applause, and I love that sort of feeling of, you know, adoration and, you know, feeling that come at me.

00:37:01:04 - 00:37:15:18

Luna

If I'm an I'm, I'm an artist and I imagine I'm projecting that you feel the same way. But like, if someone that I'm with that I love doesn't care about the work that I love, I feel so sad.

00:37:15:20 - 00:37:33:23

Bebe

Yeah. So I did that. I felt really sad a lot of the time because he just didn't get that. That was how I was expressing myself at the time. And like, I'd had that previously, I had issues with that, like when I was in a band and the musicals I did. He didn't love coming to the shows because, you know, the sound mixers were off.

00:37:33:23 - 00:37:47:05

Bebe

And so it and part of that was to do with his sensitivities around sound, due to autism, which I totally understand a lot of that. But, you know, you can wear headphones, you earplugs.

00:37:47:05 - 00:37:47:22

Luna

Yeah.

00:37:48:00 - 00:38:09:23

Bebe

Yeah. There are so many ways around it, which I know now in my current relationship, I have another partner who has sensory problems in a similar way, not the same, but similar. And they have earplugs almost all the time on hand. So now we're kind of coming to like the last year. And a half of our relationship. Yeah, last year of our relationship.

00:38:09:23 - 00:38:42:09

Bebe

So I went off the contraceptive pill because I just, I had come to a conclusion because I'd just been doing my own research as an adult after being on it for nearly ten years, where I was like, I don't think this is helping me in a way that I think is worth it. Like, so I actually I was listening to one of the podcasts recently, one of the newer episodes, where someone was talking about they have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome, which I have as well.

00:38:43:12 - 00:39:11:15

Bebe

And that was why I went on the pill. And I like it was because my testosterone levels were higher than average. So it was to balance them out by adding estrogen. Yep. And I didn't realize that that could have been taking a toll on my mood because it essentially it really amped up the depression. And obviously my weight was affected by that.

00:39:11:17 - 00:39:51:18

Bebe

And like, it just it wasn't worth it for, you know, less body hair and yeah, it also lowered my libido. I didn't realize, but like that was a huge thing. And yeah, it just wasn't worth it anymore for me. Like I was like, this worth anything at that point. So I went off of that and all of a sudden kind of from that point, I think my life started to shift, in ways that like it was so internal that I don't think anything was stopping it, you know, and like, it was coming from.

00:39:51:18 - 00:40:09:14

Bebe

So like, you know, it was chemically changing, you know, like I it was not much you can do about that except go back on it, you know. And I didn't want that. I didn't want to be back on it. So I was like, cool, I've made this decision and I'm going to see what happens. And my partner was supportive of that and that was good.

00:40:10:07 - 00:40:33:09

Bebe

But, so yeah, I had gone off the pill and all of a sudden my mood started to lift and I was like, wow. Like, that's crazy and amazing and I love that. And so I started feeling that as I was going out in the world, one and I was accessing more of the art and, you know, I was getting to meet other queer women, and I was just wanting to interact with them.

00:40:33:15 - 00:40:57:11

Bebe

And a lot of people who, yeah, came out kind of in their 20s, dying like, and I started to like, recognize what I loved in women far more than I had ever done before. And I was like, oh my goodness, I, I clearly remember the moment I accepted my bisexuality because it was hilarious and during the list.

00:40:57:11 - 00:41:19:07

Bebe

And so great. But I was sitting watching a dress for one of the performance, because it was unplanned. Sometimes I do like lessons with a school for balance. And so in one of the classes and we could watch the other classes practice and it was like the finale, and I was sitting right on an aisle and at the end, the, performance.

00:41:19:07 - 00:41:43:16

Bebe

Oh, like, went up into the aisle and I had torches and pasties with, like, shiny crystals on them. And I lost on the lights on them. And then they shimmied. And so the lights were going all over my face, and I was like. I was entranced by that moment. I was like, Like I was just. Yeah, so taken aback by it.

00:41:43:16 - 00:42:19:18

Bebe

And I was like, wait a minute. This whole time I've been attracted to women this whole time. And like, that blew my mind. Yeah. I was like, yeah, I was so in shock. But I was also like, I don't think I can deny that part of myself anymore. And yeah, so I think at this point I've been off the pill for a little bit, and had that moment and also started listening to your podcast in that kind of space.

00:42:19:20 - 00:42:39:16

Bebe

And I was hearing all these diverse experiences that people are having and have had and like, you know, learning about themselves. And I'm like, I'm starting to recognize a lot of other people in myself. And I was like, oh, this is really crazy. Like, I feel really connected to these kind of experiences because that's how I feel. Yeah.

00:42:39:21 - 00:43:09:00

Bebe

And I finally reached a point where I told my ex that I was bisexual, and I'd been I'd started telling my friends before that as well, and my family and everyone except him, because, oh, wow, I didn't know how he'd react. Part of that is coming from his past experiences. So he'd been in a relationship, where he ended up being cheated on with.

00:43:09:02 - 00:43:34:12

Bebe

So he was dating a woman, and she ended up cheating on him with a woman? Because she realized her bisexuality and wanted to explore that or something like that, I don't know, which I don't, personally, like, morally, I have always not understood. And this is not to say that, you know, I don't understand why people do it, because that could just be me not understanding.

00:43:34:12 - 00:43:36:20

Bebe

But I never understood how a person can cheat.

00:43:36:22 - 00:43:57:04

Luna

Oh my God, me neither. And then I did it. And then I hated myself. And it was it was one of those things where I was like, oh, I'm. I jumped out of time. I jumped out of my brain. I don't know, I don't know. And it and it and so because I had that judgment like I it's so funny because one of the number one reflections I get from people is that I'm non-judgmental.

00:43:57:04 - 00:44:07:05

Luna

And my lover recently was like, you're so non-judgmental of everyone, but like yourself. And I was like, oh, mate.

00:44:07:07 - 00:44:19:01

Bebe

Me too. And I was like, I'm not. And I would always be like, look, you know, to each their own. And like, you know, everyone's got a different journey. And if someone cheated, I'm not going to hold that against them. But but I couldn't do it in my mind.

00:44:19:01 - 00:44:21:20

Luna

I was like, dude, it would just tell. I would just break up with them first.

00:44:21:22 - 00:44:23:17

Bebe

Exactly. And I always thought that would.

00:44:23:17 - 00:44:43:21

Luna

Be like how it across the country. And he wasn't there. And I had two glasses of wine and was with a very hot couple that was housesitting for someone famous. And I got carried away in the moment and it was hot, I don't know. And then and then, like the next morning I woke up and I was like, oh yeah.

00:44:43:23 - 00:45:04:06

Bebe

Yeah. And that like. And so I had mentally come to that point where I was like, you know, wanting to explore other things because I'm like, at first I was like, oh, yeah, like I've accepted I'm bisexual, but I don't need to explore that because you don't have to flirt with women to like, you know, exclusively one person like, and all of that was still true.

00:45:04:06 - 00:45:23:20

Bebe

But I was like, what? I desperately want to explore that part of my sexuality because I my libido was coming back up because my I'd gone off the pill and my mood was better and like, so all of these things were starting to build back up. And I was like, I just, I want to be able to explore that.

00:45:23:20 - 00:45:44:22

Bebe

So then I brought up the concept of non-monogamy to my partner at the time, and I tried to help them understand where I was coming from, and I was trying to get, I guess, answers from them to know where they were at. You know, regarding the whole situation, because I was like, hey, this is a thing that exists.

00:45:45:00 - 00:46:11:07

Bebe

Like because that's kind of the first part where it's like, you know, this might be something you've never even heard of. So let's just get to that. And I've been thinking about it and wondering what that would look like for us and like just starting to, like, ease them into this way of thinking and stuff like that. And I feel like we went to a couple sex parties and that didn't go super well just because he was really uncomfortable.

00:46:11:13 - 00:46:22:21

Bebe

And even though I was like, oh, so many things to look at and potentially enjoy and like, oh, but he just wasn't interested in it. So like, that's okay. That's it's not for everybody and that's okay.

00:46:23:00 - 00:46:43:06

Luna

I try so hard every time. And it hasn't been for me yet, but I think now I think it's it over sensory stimulation thing and I think it's enough. I need to go with a person who either wants to fuck or can point me at fucking and, just insert another story about myself. I'm on the calendar, maybe going to be the toy of a dominatrix or a performance at an upcoming sexuality.

00:46:43:07 - 00:46:47:06

Luna

And I'm like, oh, that's the in for me. Like, that's yeah, that's great.

00:46:47:08 - 00:46:50:21

Bebe

Yes. That's true. Yes, please.

00:46:50:21 - 00:47:04:12

Luna

I but I relate to that and like, it's okay you go and don't I mean it's like and props for trying and also like yeah I think for me it's a very specific environment that I fantasize about. That would be yummy for me party wise.

00:47:04:14 - 00:47:33:05

Bebe

Yes. And like I enjoyed it visually, but I couldn't enjoy it physically because my partner was just not interested. Not really. But wasn't communicating that with me. Right? I could feel the unease coming off them, like I was like, I could feel. But I need you to explicitly tell me, because sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable. But I want something to happen, which is why I want, like, I just I need you to.

00:47:33:05 - 00:47:45:08

Bebe

And I kept asking for that, like it was it wasn't like, oh, I wish I had told me and I'll just wait until he does. I was like, I need you to tell me if you're not okay with this.

00:47:45:12 - 00:48:06:05

Luna

Yeah, but it's hard because sometimes people aren't able to admit that to themselves or they don't want to point. I've been in a very similar situation that that was like about a month before the final, that of three weeks before the final break with my first dominant partner. We finally, after four and a half years of fantasizing, went to a sex party together.

00:48:06:07 - 00:48:25:04

Luna

And it was a fucking disaster because it was exactly that. He was clearly uncomfortable, and that made me uncomfortable. But then he was pretending, and I was pretending because I was trying to just. I was like, maybe if we just pretend. You know what? I wasn't asking you. So you were getting just no reaction. Was it a stonewall or was it like a no, it's okay.

00:48:25:04 - 00:48:45:20

Bebe

It was. It was kind of. It was. Yeah, that's a little wishy washy where it's like, like it's I, it's fine, I guess. And I'm like, that's not okay. It was not a yes. And so I was simultaneously trying to like, you know, like I was messaging people online and just starting to like you know, explore that.

00:48:45:22 - 00:49:06:04

Bebe

But I was also like, I don't feel comfortable actually, because I don't think that you're actually okay with this. To say it's fine is not necessarily good. And I would no, I wrote a musical about mental health called I'm Fine. And the whole point is that they're not, so like, I'm like, I'm not the person. You say fine to it because I'm well aware that that doesn't always mean.

00:49:06:04 - 00:49:27:10

Luna

But it's so interesting to me because if we go back and watch, like old fashioned movies, like early talkies, like the classical era of cinema, and they're like, how are you? I'm fine. Fine. And it has a completely different context from how that word is involved. Quite a bit. Yeah. And now it has. I mean, to me, when I hear that word, I'm like, oh God, there's landmines.

00:49:27:10 - 00:49:28:19

Luna

There's a human landmine here somewhere.

00:49:28:19 - 00:49:31:19

Bebe

I don't know what it is, and I don't think it's going to happen.

00:49:31:21 - 00:49:36:18

Luna

At a sex party. And you get a human landmine of, fine, what do you do? What did you.

00:49:36:18 - 00:49:49:13

Bebe

Do? Well, I still like, you know, you want to enjoy the night, and obviously you don't want to, you know, make a big scene out of it. And I was like, well, why don't we just go to a private room? Because I had private rooms. And why don't we just shut the door and just have some other time?

00:49:49:15 - 00:49:58:01

Bebe

Yeah. Like outside of that space, because I was like, look, I can feel that you're feeling that way. But I simultaneously wanted to honor the fact that I was super turned on.

00:49:58:06 - 00:49:59:07

Luna

Yeah.

00:49:59:09 - 00:50:22:00

Bebe

Beautiful. So I was like, why don't, you know, like, I was like, why don't we go into a private space and we'll shut the door? Because that means that it's your space and we'll just have that experience, like we'll just experiment there. And so we did, and that was enjoyable. But you know, after that night we end up going home and like I was like, I know how I felt, which was okay.

00:50:22:00 - 00:50:40:21

Bebe

But I know I have a feeling that you weren't feeling so good about that. And he was still really uncommunicative. And he's like yeah I just, I really think it's my thing. But like you know whatever. And I was like that doesn't help me. It doesn't help me understand what you need. And it's okay if you don't know what you made yet.

00:50:41:03 - 00:50:46:18

Bebe

But if you could take some time and maybe think about that. Yeah. You'd really be doing us both a favor. Yeah.

00:50:46:20 - 00:50:50:14

Luna

I hear desire to connect and a shut down in the connection.

00:50:50:16 - 00:51:20:16

Bebe

Yeah. And that was happening more and more. And I think I happen more and more particularly like, as so he ended up being able to go back to work, which was really good. But I guess part of that meant he no longer relied on me financially. Because I think there was a bit of that reliance. And so all of a sudden I wasn't needed, which was really, really hard because I wasn't used to not feeling needed.

00:51:20:18 - 00:51:35:23

Bebe

And then I guess this is kind of. Yeah, leading into towards the end of our relationship. So I was going to uni and I was in the process of putting on a friend show with some friend to let me be a part of it, which was really exciting because I'd done it two times already. This is like the third.

00:51:36:12 - 00:51:59:13

Bebe

In my opinion, best iteration of the show. And I was listening for all six parts, so I was spending so long learning the music. Yes. Wow. Yeah. So I was flat out with that, plus starting uni up again and I was like, not super present in my relationship anymore because I just spent so much time elsewhere. Yeah.

00:51:59:15 - 00:52:04:08

Bebe

And I think I was also doing burlesque at the time. More like us. Yeah, yeah. And so much going on.

00:52:04:08 - 00:52:12:11

Luna

And it also sounds like when you were making efforts in your relationship, you weren't being met with successful feeling. So I would pour myself into other things as well.

00:52:12:14 - 00:52:33:09

Bebe

Exactly. And I think that's part of why it ended up happening. And so he now had money, and he had friends in the city that he used to go out with. I so I started to shut down as well at that point where I was like, you know, as soon as he started to reach back out, I was already kind of checked out and exhausted because I'd thrown myself so fully into a million other things.

00:52:34:22 - 00:53:02:17

Bebe

But yeah, so that ended up happening kind of for the last two months, I guess, of our relationship. And then he was about to go away for three weeks to a different state to see his family. So, about 4 or 5 a.m., I heard him get home and I'd fallen asleep at that point and I was like, oh that's just weird because you know, we have to get up and be leaving around 830.

00:53:02:19 - 00:53:21:21

Bebe

And he was like, no, don't worry about it. This other person's gonna give me a lift. And I was like, what? Because I'd never heard of this person. And it was a girl. She, like, my friend, this person, I was like him, like, I'm sorry. I know your friends. This is not one of them.

00:53:22:11 - 00:53:52:02

Bebe

So I don't know if they'd been chatting online previously or if they met that night, but she was asleep on my couch. Oh, because they'd come home together. Oh, because she was going to give him a lift to the airport or something. And so all of a sudden, my day was fully thrown off because some girl I'd never met was taking my partner of six and a half years to the airport for me, because it was all too hard, and he didn't want to come to this doctor's appointment with me.

00:53:52:04 - 00:54:13:12

Bebe

And like, that was really hard. It sounds like deal with it really was. And so even and I felt really. Stupid and concerned at the time because I was like, I'm the one who brought up non-monogamy. So at the end of the day, the only person I have to blame is myself.

00:54:13:16 - 00:54:17:14

Luna

Hold up. Did you have an agreement of non-monogamy at this point? Okay.

00:54:17:14 - 00:54:27:21

Bebe

So that's know that was at one, you know, it was still very much in this weird zone, but I was like, maybe he thought it was okay because I brought it up right.

00:54:28:06 - 00:54:29:17

Luna

However that.

00:54:29:19 - 00:54:33:17

Bebe

But then I had a feeling of the self-blame. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

00:54:33:17 - 00:54:56:12

Luna

That's, that's perhaps. But, you know, when we are people who take on a lot of responsibility in general or we've been trained to do that by our upbringing, sometimes we are taking on too much responsibility for other people, and that has been getting pointed out to me a lot lately. You know, in fact, a lot of the writing and art pieces that I'm not sharing.

00:54:56:13 - 00:55:17:18

Luna

Have a flavor of that, too, because I'm like, if I share this part of myself, then I'm going to influence other people poorly or something like, what if it's not right for them? And I had a friend just this morning be like, that is not your job. And if you're talking about ripples of love and like trusting the divine unfolding, you know, let your work do its work, stop hiding your.

00:55:17:18 - 00:55:34:18

Bebe

Face, you know? So I was just putting that same forward. It's like I don't I it's hard when you put such vulnerable parts of yourself down. But I also think it's so important to share because, yeah, some people might not necessarily take the right thing to say, but I know someone will. Yeah. Like we will find that.

00:55:34:23 - 00:55:51:15

Luna

And it just hits whoever it hits. However it it's candidly and as the, you know, we're all creative beings. We're bouncing off of each other energetically in these different ways, you know. Yeah. So how did how did all of that lead to whole phase 2.0? I really want to hear about cock and ball torture, you know. So yeah.

00:55:51:17 - 00:56:00:23

Bebe

So like we are getting center incident that is actually that stuff that's coming in my current relationship. So we still have to go through most of our phase 2.2. But it does come in I promise you. Yeah.

00:56:01:01 - 00:56:18:02

Luna

Well so give us give us the highlights of how phase 2.0. Like give us the important things that you learned and give us. You know what. So it's because because it couldn't be that much longer, right. Like we're now you're now at age. Oh yeah I want to say nine months. Yeah. So a couple years.

00:56:18:02 - 00:56:20:04

Bebe

This is when I, this was last year.

00:56:20:06 - 00:56:21:02

Luna

Okay. Okay.

00:56:21:19 - 00:56:42:02

Bebe

February last year that oh went down. So I took about, it was about a month later that I went on a date with someone, and, it was like a blind date, but my friend set me up on, and that was crazy to me. I'd never done that before, but, like, oh, my God, like, I don't know who this person is who actually was really, really fun.

00:56:42:02 - 00:56:55:02

Bebe

And we hung out, like, met my. And then we ended up catching up, I think like a week later. And that was also very fun because we didn't hook up the first time, which was also crazy. I went on a date and we kiss goodbye and that was it. And I was like, what?

00:56:55:04 - 00:56:56:14

Luna

Okay, a new year, I.

00:56:56:16 - 00:57:13:20

Bebe

Know how to do that. Yeah, it was a whole new world. And like then we caught up again and it was really good day. And then he ended up coming to my house and we just spent the whole afternoon just rolling around in my bed, and it was kind of like the sun was coming in through the window.

00:57:13:22 - 00:57:42:02

Bebe

And it was a Sunday and it was warm and it was just like, so romantic and like sensual and just like, really soft and like, I wanted to explore so much of my body. And I felt so good in that, like, I just, like, soaked all of that in. Yeah. Because it felt incredible. Just and like, you know, it reminded me that people I was like, oh yeah, people are attracted to me.

00:57:42:02 - 00:57:54:13

Bebe

And like, that's really cool. And like, people want to have sex with me. And that's amazing to feel again. And like, it really kicked off whole phase 2.0. So that lasted probably I think it was four months.

00:57:54:19 - 00:57:55:03

Luna

Okay.

00:57:55:06 - 00:58:19:23

Bebe

In total. Because I met my partner beginning of July, and in that space I had sex with 26 people in four months. Which I think is particularly impressive because partway through, like, honestly. And I had to take time off from having sex, so I really I did it all. One day I had sex with three people in a day.

00:58:20:00 - 00:58:31:05

Bebe

Wow. Like in a 24 hour period. And some of it was better than others, but I was like, whoa, I really did all that. Actually, it might have been four, but but it.

00:58:31:05 - 00:58:38:07

Luna

Was an hour in between because that used to be awesome. Yeah, yeah. I was always like showering in between my partner. So it's a fresh slate.

00:58:38:11 - 00:58:59:08

Bebe

Yeah, exactly. So I showered in between and it was all online like within. So I hooked up with one person. I was helping them with their sexual debut, and I was like, yeah. So that was really nice. And I was like, just his. He was here from interstate and he was like, just looking for this. And I was like, yeah, I know, but no worries.

00:58:59:10 - 00:59:16:02

Bebe

And so we hooked up and he did pretty well. I was quite impressed for the first time. It was because he really wanted to go down on a woman. Okay. Like that. He felt really like excited about that. I was like, absolutely. Feel free. Let's see what you got. Like let her explore and stuff like that. So that was really fun.

00:59:16:02 - 00:59:38:12

Bebe

And then I went home and I wasn't feeling quite satisfied. So I went online again and I ended up hooking up with someone there. That it was actually, at the time, the oldest person I'd hooked up with, and he was like 40 ish. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that was really fun as well. And he was quite dominant, which was also exciting.

00:59:38:12 - 00:59:58:11

Bebe

And like, this was probably the most like kind of sub dom at the time, kind of a space that I'd been in where like it was quite clear that, you know, I would come in and I was wearing lingerie under my jacket and like, you know, I would take that off and sit on the floor like that was all done in message.

00:59:58:11 - 01:00:15:03

Bebe

And we kind of established that in like what I was comfortable with as far as, like, you know, like at the time I wasn't comfortable with like any anal play or anything like that. So like we had some pre kind of set up rules and nakedness and safe words and stuff like that and like that was kind of the first kind of taste of really getting into that space.

01:00:15:03 - 01:00:35:15

Bebe

Okay. And I was like, that was really fun. But he ended up visiting me and he was like, hey, I had a great time with you. But I'm still trying to work through my feelings post-divorce. And I think, I don't want to meet up again. And I'm like, that's totally fine. And so then I hooked up with someone in the car that night, and it was the worst sex I had for my whole face.

01:00:35:20 - 01:00:41:10

Bebe

I was sorry to that guy. He made me cry, made me come one time, and I was like.

01:00:41:10 - 01:00:43:11

Luna

Oh, good for you. Wait, what made it so bad?

01:00:43:14 - 01:00:44:07

Bebe

I am.

01:00:44:09 - 01:00:49:23

Luna

I was going to say it was already tough. Like, the logistics can be fun in the right circumstances and the right car.

01:00:50:02 - 01:00:57:02

Bebe

Well, especially because within 24 hours of that experience, I then had the best car sex at the time. So it's not that hard.

01:00:57:04 - 01:00:59:16

Luna

I love the contrast. Oh, I.

01:00:59:16 - 01:01:00:18

Bebe

Know it was crazy.

01:01:00:18 - 01:01:04:20

Luna

I mean, what made it, what made it really good?

01:01:04:22 - 01:01:23:23

Bebe

So first what made it really bad was I was like, hey, I'm happy to give you head if you want to get into that. And he's like, yeah, absolutely. Then I was like, you know, kind of like, okay, so you had, you know, and it's like, like, I don't really want to do that, okay. I was like, okay, like that's fine.

01:01:23:23 - 01:01:33:16

Bebe

I was like, do you want to maybe just like finger me or something? And he was like, like if I have to over. Okay. So this is not going to go well.

01:01:33:18 - 01:01:36:03

Luna

Did he really say if I have. Yeah.

01:01:36:05 - 01:01:49:06

Bebe

Yeah. He's like, like do I do I have to. And I was like, I would like and it's like oh okay. And then so you kind of like half assed it. Then we had sex and I was like, well, you know, normal experience is a good experiences. And that's okay.

01:01:49:08 - 01:02:07:23

Luna

So that's you. And I mean, honestly, we never want to pressure people into doing things they don't want to do. However, especially in a hookup situation, one might think that there could be some communication and or what the fuck is that expectation that he's only going to be a receiver? Like that's kind of not, you know. Yeah.

01:02:08:01 - 01:02:16:00

Bebe

Then just like if you're going to at least like if I wasn't going to reciprocate that sort of thing, I would make that known before the person.

01:02:16:01 - 01:02:22:00

Luna

That's what I'm saying, especially in a casual situation like that sounds like a taker who kind of like, knew he was going to take.

01:02:22:01 - 01:02:28:10

Bebe

Yeah, just fine. Like I was not offended by that necessarily. And as a whole, I mean, it's like, oh.

01:02:28:19 - 01:02:52:09

Luna

Because I've read enough books about humans and how they work, like reciprocity is built in. So when there is a situation where in one way or another, that person is willing to receive in an imbalanced way, I'm like, there's a sign here that something is needs to get worked through, right? You know, and I say that with with all kinds of love in my heart, but also like, yeah, it's really clear in those situations.

01:02:52:09 - 01:02:56:10

Luna

It's like, oh, that person's not able to meet me, you know. So that's that.

01:02:56:11 - 01:03:14:17

Bebe

That's like that was unfortunate. But it's okay. Yeah. Like I, I didn't like take it as a negative. I just I messaged him once, I was back at my house and I was like, hey, like it was nice chatting to you tonight, but I'm not interested in pursuing a physical relationship any longer. Like, hope you have a good life kind of vibe.

01:03:14:18 - 01:03:21:09

Luna

Like I have been nailing, like the communication in this whole phase two point at which you can have the ability to last time, like you mentioned it.

01:03:21:11 - 01:03:38:23

Bebe

Yeah. And it became vitally important to me, I think, because of how my last relationship ended. I was like, I don't want anything to be unclear. So I would rather share that with the person and have them be upset by that than not. Not and just not. They may just disappear off the face of the earth.

01:03:39:00 - 01:03:41:03

Luna

What made it good? Car sex? The next one.

01:03:41:04 - 01:03:56:03

Bebe

Okay, so the next one I it was again, I was just doing a lot of random hookups. So I met this guy. It was once again meeting a guy in my car, but my car was really teeny tiny. So I got in his car and it was a nice car. I don't remember what type. It's just nice.

01:03:57:00 - 01:04:14:08

Bebe

And then we kind of, like, drove around and we found a spot that we could, like, hook up, but we ended up chatting quite a bit before then. So he was a nurse and very good with his hands. Oh, that is what made it the best, cause, like, I love that. And it was a crazy whirlwind.

01:04:14:08 - 01:04:37:02

Bebe

Not actually, because, like, we were hooking up and it was going very, very well, and I was like, having a good time. And then these cars popped up with their light shining at the car, because obviously they knew what was happening. Jerks. Yeah. And so they were just in the front seat and I put on my seatbelt in the backseat because I am not clamoring for a car.

01:04:37:04 - 01:04:58:09

Bebe

You what? People are going to see everything, take up space? Yeah. He's my driver. He. Yeah. He jumped in the sunset and started to drive away. But then these guys started following us and we were like, is this going to be bad? Like a zero negative situation? And so like, we were like zooming in and out of streets trying to like, get away from these people.

01:04:58:09 - 01:05:05:12

Bebe

I mean, I'm not driving further away just to like, avoid them. Yeah, yeah. And eventually they stopped following and we found somewhere. But my heart was like.

01:05:05:14 - 01:05:29:01

Luna

Yeah. Safety tip for anyone who ever finds themselves in that situation. I've been told this. I've never done it. So also feel free to let me know if this is not a good safety tip, and also probably depends on who in the world you are and what you look like. I have heard that in a situation where someone is being a creepy car drive to a police station or a fire station, like going somewhere where there is authority around, and then they usually fuck off if they're if they're just trying to.

01:05:29:01 - 01:05:40:09

Bebe

Be one might have accidentally done it. Yeah. It's like because eventually they just kind of disappeared. Let me find somewhere else to go to me. And then we finished talking up there and I was so like exhilarated at that point. I was like, whoa.

01:05:40:12 - 01:05:43:22

Luna

I was going to say I just had like an experience that seriously?

01:05:44:00 - 01:05:48:08

Bebe

Oh, I'm so like adrenaline was going in. My heart was all over this. Like.

01:05:48:10 - 01:05:50:12

Luna

Not a lot.

01:05:50:13 - 01:06:11:00

Bebe

And yeah, they were all going, so we hooked up again. It was very, very fun. And I came many, many times. And it was fantastic. We just finished and we were like, kind of recovering from such things. And then when the like, I could kind of say coupling up. So I had started to like, pull my shit.

01:06:11:13 - 01:06:15:08

Bebe

I was a police officer.

01:06:15:10 - 01:06:18:06

Luna

Hopefully just checking to see if you're okay.

01:06:18:07 - 01:06:37:02

Bebe

Yeah. Well, he asked like, important questions like, you know, like, how old am I? And stuff like that. Yeah. You know, making sure that I am consenting to this. Yep, yep. And you know, we were mostly clothed, even though the window sustained. And he definitely knew what was going on. He was just checking in to make sure, like, people were sober, safe and all of that stuff.

01:06:37:02 - 01:06:48:15

Bebe

Okay, okay. And he's like, yeah, guys. But like, you know, you're near a park. So I think he should go, okay. And he was really chill about the whole situation. It was actually like a very it was a very nice interaction. Can thank you.

01:06:48:15 - 01:06:49:09

Luna

Officer.

01:06:49:10 - 01:07:18:15

Bebe

Thank you officer. Like it was. Yeah. And then we went, he dropped me off at my car and I was just like buzzing. I was like, sure. Oh, or not, like, my pupils were so big. But he was really great with his hands. I think that was what really did it. And like, just like the pressure and, like, kind of longer fingers so like and quite strong as well because he like, did boxing and just like stamina in his arms that just kept going.

01:07:18:15 - 01:07:25:05

Bebe

And I was like, oh my gosh. Like, I'm so sorry. I'll pay for the car cleaning because I am sweating all over the place and.

01:07:25:15 - 01:07:26:12

Luna

Let the boy pay.

01:07:26:13 - 01:07:27:14

Bebe

Did our cleaning. Yeah.

01:07:27:17 - 01:07:40:05

Luna

I didn't say he had the pleasure about it afterwards. And I was going to say, I bet every partner that's with you feels so amazing because you are such an orgasmic being. You know what I mean? Like, that's such a fun feeling for people.

01:07:40:07 - 01:08:14:01

Bebe

That's actually something I'd love to, like, use as a transition into my current relationship. So not my. I had a few other experiences with them, but my current partner, and I have chatted to them about this and they're quite okay with me sharing any details, so that's lovely. But my current partner was huge for my exploration in BSM, despite the fact that I'd only slept with one person before me, which is, you know, perfectly fine.

01:08:14:01 - 01:08:14:22

Bebe

It's not about.

01:08:14:22 - 01:08:17:00

Luna

Numbers. It's a little tiny.

01:08:17:05 - 01:08:55:18

Bebe

But they had done so much of their own research and was so eager to explore and expand on their experience that like, immediately I was into that. Like I was like, yes, please let me be a part of this. And like, I so yeah, we had kind of we'd gotten together and he told me that after a little bit of time, he's like, yeah, I was actually not sure how it would go because like, I slept with one person and I think they came, but like, I wasn't sure.

01:08:55:19 - 01:09:02:19

Bebe

And like, you know, it's nice and it's really like building up my confidence, like, because you do come a lot.

01:09:02:21 - 01:09:09:09

Luna

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, it is me. Like you're here with me. And also it's not a two part equation exactly.

01:09:09:09 - 01:09:28:12

Bebe

But and I had to explain to him I'm like, yes, okay. I do come a lot. But you're I've also like having sex with you has been some of the best sex I've ever had. Like, like, I can't explain that enough. Like, I can't be like, you know, because it's so crazy how much like a person.

01:09:28:13 - 01:09:51:15

Bebe

It's also the first time I've been with someone who, like. So I've got to explore some more dominance in the bedroom here, which has been really, really cool. But it's because I'm. I won't get into it if I was, but it's because they're quite submissive and but they will also DM me because I know that's what I love and what I want, you know?

01:09:52:12 - 01:10:18:10

Bebe

But because it's coming from this place of, I just want to please you however I can. It has changed the game on, my sex life because it's like you know, it's so giving in a way that I've always been quite giving, I think. But it's now being reciprocated and doubled, I think, because of it. So with this partner, I have gotten to explore restraints.

01:10:18:10 - 01:10:46:23

Bebe

More like they had, like, the bed, like strapping down, like, you know, with, with started to like a little bit of, like rope play and we've got like, you know, spread of bars and I the first night I met them. Okay. So I didn't realize how kinky they were. This is also the butler that I was mentioning that, like, last time, so I, we've been chatting for a little while at the house, and I was just hanging out because once again, I just went to their house.

01:10:46:23 - 01:11:10:21

Bebe

Is this interaction other than messaging? And I was sitting on their bed and I noticed a double ended dildo, just that hadn't been hidden away in the cupboard, unlike the rest of the sex toys. And I was like, I'm sorry when mid-conversation, but I just registered that there's a double ended dildo. Right? And I have to ask the question, like what?

01:11:10:23 - 01:11:17:02

Bebe

And they're like, yeah. Didn't realize it was. They didn't intend for that to happen later.

01:11:17:02 - 01:11:18:01

Luna

Well.

01:11:18:03 - 01:11:38:02

Bebe

But I guess we're having the conversation now. And so then they pulled out, like, their box of sex toys and like, it was awesome. Like, I was like, this is more than I have. I'm so excited by this. Like, so immediately we started looking at that and once again, I had just finished my period because I think, maybe catch up with people first period.

01:11:38:03 - 01:11:59:16

Bebe

Because of my whole motorcycles. So because of that, I was like, look, I don't want to have penetrative sex. And they're like, that's totally fine with me. So then they just played with my other senses, like, you know, and like the nipple play was the, and anything I'd ever experienced.

01:11:59:16 - 01:12:02:12

Luna

Tell us about your nipples.

01:12:02:14 - 01:12:20:01

Bebe

So, like, we had been making out a lot, and it was really cute because we both kind of had this moment of, like, I'm not very good at initiating. Me neither. And then as soon as it started, it was so hot, like, it was. So I'm passionate. I was like, oh, my God, I don't know how to do with all this.

01:12:20:01 - 01:12:39:22

Bebe

But like, you know, it started really slow and it was all just, like making out and like kissing across my chest and, you know, like they started to play around with their hands and like, just really taking their time there. And like I was reciprocating as well. And like that was exciting. So I hadn't really played with many men's nipples and he just has the cutest nipples.

01:12:39:22 - 01:12:40:22

Bebe

I love them so much.

01:12:40:23 - 01:12:44:13

Luna

I love nipples on all bodies, and I love.

01:12:44:13 - 01:12:45:06

Bebe

Me to.

01:12:45:07 - 01:12:57:22

Luna

Attention to boy nipples and how different they are and I love how no matter what type of body a person has, nipple variety is so interesting.

01:12:57:22 - 01:13:17:03

Bebe

It's magical. Like the attention being paid was just so delicious and I've never had someone just focus on that because actually they like. So we ended up hooking up quite a few times over the next couple of days because essentially I went to their house and I've never gone home like I have. I. Yeah, yeah, not without them.

01:13:17:06 - 01:13:26:17

Bebe

Like they come with me. If we go to my house like we're at their house right now because it's just one, it's become so quickly like,

01:13:26:19 - 01:13:29:21

Luna

And you're about nine months in now, right? Yeah.

01:13:29:21 - 01:13:52:19

Bebe

I think of the date today. Well, very quickly approaching ten months now. Just keep fighting. But yeah. So like and it was just like, oh. And it was I had a nipple gasm. And I was like, I didn't even know that was an option. And like, oh my God, I want. And like, yeah, it was just they were so sensitive.

01:13:52:19 - 01:14:29:05

Bebe

The next day and like the next couple of days because we kept doing stuff like that and like that it I had redefined my during my first trip, when I had redefined what I Class-A sense, to no longer mean penetrative sex because I was having interactions with people of different gender expressions. Yeah. So even though you know, I hadn't had sex with a vagina and I was starting to redefine it along, and including a, like, beautiful pink haired Dom who was just, like, gorgeous and very exciting for me.

01:14:29:07 - 01:14:38:12

Bebe

Like, it was that was in like, process. It was the first time I reamed someone because they instructed me to do so, and we were like in the bath at the time, and it was really hot.

01:14:38:14 - 01:14:50:23

Luna

Such a hot introduction. I too, I too was ordered to room for the first time and I'm like, yes, what a shame because otherwise I probably would've been too nervous in my head what? I was just like, okay, and in the bass. Genius, genius. What a.

01:14:50:23 - 01:15:06:12

Bebe

Beautiful. I was like, that's such a good idea. And like, that was really exciting. I didn't end up, seeing them again, but, like, that was a fun night, you know? Like, and having someone who was like. It felt like they were quite an experienced arm and it seemed like they were on their, like, online profile. And it was just.

01:15:06:14 - 01:15:37:04

Bebe

Yeah, it was really fun. It was such a good time. Like, so now, like in my current relationship, I've got to explore more certain relationship because I've taken on both roles and we're both, I think, more aware of what it looks like and can sound like. Now. I say every relation, it's going to be a bit different, but it's given us both a chance to explore and I still I'm still learning a lot around like because I know that they quite like the idea of like more degradation and stuff like that.

01:15:37:09 - 01:15:44:16

Bebe

But I'm still struggling at this point. With I'm reading that barrier between. Yeah, there you go. So you're saying.

01:15:44:18 - 01:15:50:01

Luna

I'm reading unison first right now for inspiration or just, you know, from back in the day.

01:15:50:01 - 01:15:50:23

Bebe

I need it, right? That one.

01:15:51:00 - 01:15:53:06

Luna

I mean, yeah. Like it's interesting. Yeah.

01:15:53:08 - 01:16:08:00

Bebe

Yeah. Because I know that that's what they would love for me to do, but I'm struggling to cross that space where I simultaneously like I want to give them what they want, but I also love them so much. And it hurts me to say those things to them.

01:16:08:02 - 01:16:11:01

Luna

But have you seen how happy it'll make them when you say it.

01:16:11:04 - 01:16:13:04

Bebe

Like, I'm getting there, I am getting them.

01:16:13:08 - 01:16:17:03

Luna

I think giving you like a list of words that turn them on. So you have a framework?

01:16:17:15 - 01:16:39:10

Bebe

We haven't done exactly a list, but we've discussed some terms and stuff like that. They would prefer, so, like, you know, using the word like slut or like pet, you know, toy and like them being really into that, you know, like, yeah, it's really, really fun. I'm enjoying that. But we've also like, they've got a cage.

01:16:39:15 - 01:16:56:07

Bebe

And that was the first time I'd seen someone caged, and we were actually having a discussion around it the other day, because at first I was like, I don't know if that's for me, but I'm not mad about it. You know, like, I'm like, I'm not turned off by it, but I don't know if it's for me.

01:16:56:09 - 01:16:57:10

Bebe

But when I realize.

01:16:57:12 - 01:17:01:15

Luna

You mean, like being inside of it, or you mean like watching them being like. What do you mean.

01:17:01:17 - 01:17:17:16

Bebe

Like. Yeah. I didn't feel necessarily initially attracted to it, as a concept, but then I saw the fun we could have with it. And now the sight of them wearing it is so hot to me. Oh, because the cage. Yeah. Sorry, I cut cage.

01:17:17:16 - 01:17:29:05

Luna

So I was imagining. I was imagining like a crate. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Which because I used to have one of those. I finally got rid of stage my former master gave me because I was like, get out. You know, someday I'll get a new one.

01:17:29:08 - 01:17:34:11

Bebe

And sometimes you have to do that. Yeah I know, yeah. So, like a chastity cage.

01:17:35:01 - 01:17:35:14

Luna

Yeah.

01:17:35:17 - 01:17:36:21

Bebe

Oh, look.

01:17:37:00 - 01:17:42:18

Luna

I see it. Oh, is it hard or soft? Like, is it one of the squishy ones, or is it like a plastic?

01:17:42:20 - 01:17:44:08

Bebe

Okay, yeah. It's plastic.

01:17:45:01 - 01:17:48:19

Luna

But watching them bulge in it sounds hard.

01:17:48:21 - 01:18:14:20

Bebe

It is. And like, because they grow a lot and we have to tie it to their body so that it won't go anywhere. And you, and that kind of led into couple more torture where like, obviously it gets so much more sensitive when it's all balled up in that space, like getting to, like, flick it or tap it and just seeing that reaction.

01:18:15:21 - 01:18:26:19

Bebe

Oh. It's so hot. Like, I am so into it now. And it's so funny that my first thought was like, I just don't know if it's something I'm into.

01:18:26:21 - 01:18:28:02

Luna

Yeah, yeah.

01:18:28:04 - 01:18:33:03

Bebe

And then all of a sudden now I'm just like, oh my god, yes, let's do that. Because that's I totally fun.

01:18:33:05 - 01:18:42:18

Luna

For me, it's really related to the response of desire of the person to see that they're into it. Oh my gosh okay. Yeah. Oh okay. So yeah okay. So wow wow.

01:18:42:20 - 01:19:08:14

Bebe

Yeah. So that's been really really exciting to get to explore and like have a partner who's so excited for it as well. Oh so that's yeah that's definitely I'm loving exploring that. And like even though I haven't quite gotten to the verbal side of kind of those like torturing degradation stuff, I'm still a bit of appraisal like, you know, good little slut kind of vibe.

01:19:10:04 - 01:19:32:05

Bebe

I feel like physically I'm getting better at the kind of, you know, like impact play and. Yeah, and, like, doing a little more torture, which is physical and like, having those, like, being okay with their discomfort because I know they're like, the inevitable release is so good. So we had like a couple of days session because I actually, I found out I had done better.

01:19:32:05 - 01:19:41:23

Bebe

If it's not just like for the night, I done better and on a slightly longer form, like a two, three days at least. Like it just helps me feel more in the space.

01:19:41:23 - 01:19:47:12

Luna

I was going to ask about that. That's a lot like you need a container like to to invest space into. Yeah. So okay.

01:19:47:14 - 01:20:10:03

Bebe

Because I'm a bigger container. Yeah. So for me I this has all been like the last month or two of recognizing my needs post dumbing which was I need to feel like I'm able to care for the person and he's always been quite. He's like, no, I just feel good. Like I'm okay. I'm like, can I get you something?

01:20:10:03 - 01:20:15:18

Bebe

Do you need anything? Do you feel okay? And it's a lot for him to process because he's just coming out of that. So yeah.

01:20:15:20 - 01:20:17:17

Luna

But but that's.

01:20:17:18 - 01:20:18:20

Bebe

Like it's actually.

01:20:18:21 - 01:20:19:18

Luna

Tender care as well.

01:20:19:18 - 01:20:39:11

Bebe

Yeah absolutely. And we've had we've had this opportunity to have discussions about it and work out how we can do both. Like for me that looks like, you know, making sure that they've got water and like, I don't get us a little snack and then we just lie together and have that kind of soft, physical closeness.

01:20:40:01 - 01:20:59:17

Bebe

I need I find that when I'm dominating, I feel quite big and, you know, imposing on the sea. And I have, like, really big boots now, which I love, which I really feel in it. And I've also stepped on him with those. They're really fun. They're like platform chunky. Yeah. Kind of bits and like stepping on him with those is really hot.

01:21:01:05 - 01:21:39:17

Bebe

Yeah. So that's just a little nother note in that one. But yeah, I love that so much. And I feel really big and imposing and I can take up that space when I'm there. But afterwards I need to feel really small. Yeah. Like I need to be made to feel like I'm little. And so I'll, like, curl into his side and, like, just feel safe in that space again, because we do kind of take up those spaces a little bit like we like my partner identifies as like, like gender non-conforming or just, you know, outside of the space.

01:21:39:21 - 01:22:05:02

Bebe

It's okay with all pronouns, like, he she, they all is. Okay. Just because it rhymed. But like, we do tend to take up typically kind of masculine feminine, those balances of like, you know what we like when we're in the world, okay. Like it has those kind of like typical, you know, more dominant in the masculine world.

01:22:05:04 - 01:22:26:22

Bebe

So like all of those kind of spaces, we take that up just in our day to day a lot of the time. But also like he's a very soft, sweet, masculine person when it's like in the world. So like regardless, they're always empathetic and compassionate. And part of I love them so much and like, they, incredible at making space for me.

01:22:27:00 - 01:23:03:15

Bebe

Like, I feel things really intensely, and very fully. Yeah. And I have never felt so free to feel that as I do when I'm around them. And like, it's, it's honestly like I still, I've grown up always assuming that there is, you know the other foot to that drops. I can't think of words right now at like but you know, I'm always waiting for the thing that's going to.

01:23:03:17 - 01:23:06:14

Bebe

Show me that this wasn't what I thought it was.

01:23:07:02 - 01:23:13:16

Luna

Brené Brown calls it foreboding joy. Like it's too good. Can I can I like, you know.

01:23:13:17 - 01:23:32:04

Bebe

Not allowed to just enjoy this? Yeah. Because of that. And, like, I've explained that to them, and then, like, I will just keep reassuring you then, you know, like, if you're not able to see that yet and you're still learning how to accept what I have to give you, that's okay.

01:23:32:06 - 01:23:33:06

Luna

And it's a process.

01:23:33:06 - 01:23:33:21

Bebe

Of.

01:23:33:23 - 01:24:01:15

Luna

Being comfortable with, oh, actually, life is good. I still practice this, right? We I can get trained to like panic or fear. And, you know, humans are built to, like, look for the problem in the environment and solve it. We're we're built to look for the danger. Were built to look for the attack. And so it is good to be supported by a partner, hopefully, as we are doing our own work ourselves to soothe ourselves and just stay present and be like, oh, I'm well right now.

01:24:01:17 - 01:24:08:01

Luna

I would love to hear what you are curious to explore. Sex wise going forward. Yes.

01:24:08:03 - 01:24:53:09

Bebe

So, having just recently, engaged sexually with the vagina and, which was very exciting. If a little bit new. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And, I'm looking forward to more of that. Potentially. And also like, yeah, getting to explore what non-monogamy looks like for us and how we express that. Because, yeah, it is we're still learning and growing and I am still in the processing of it, but I think we've had, a couple of really great conversations about what that can look like, but also that it's okay if it doesn't look like that, if at any point one of us is not okay with that.

01:24:53:11 - 01:25:14:09

Bebe

Yeah. And that's been something particularly because I've been trying to process and not understanding where I'm at with it, because I simultaneously have had thoughts where I'm like, I am so excited to see you with another person, because that's really hot to me. But then I'm like, but I'm feeling not okay at the same time with this other.

01:25:14:14 - 01:25:37:12

Bebe

And I just like, I have these really like dichotomous spaces I'm existing in, which is such a me thing to do. I'm always like, but it's and I'm just trying to find out how I reconcile one or the other to accept one or the other, or find a way for it to be both somehow. Or yeah, she decided to change.

01:25:37:12 - 01:25:38:03

Luna

You're in the flow.

01:25:38:03 - 01:26:10:05

Bebe

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So I'm just finding where I fit in that space. But I'm excited to see how that develops, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Exploring. I'm also excited to do more domain because I'm just starting to like, like, really get into that for like. And actually, that's part of the cool thing about the person that we, met up with at the time that was, like they were being more submissive, but they're quite used to coming and very excited to tell my partner specifically.

01:26:10:05 - 01:26:26:06

Bebe

And I just want to watch. I want to learn. I want to see them do that because I'm just so excited at the prospect. And we've had a discussion about that. Oh, I get have to. So it's so, so excited and oh my gosh. Oh wow. So yeah that's what I'm excited about okay.

01:26:26:06 - 01:26:47:18

Luna

So to wrap us up, you've heard me maybe ask people about what their perfect place, space, creation, space, castle, etc. you know, and you know I'm taking notes and designing a future perfect space obviously. Right. Whatever that word means. What would be what would be bubbles? Is play space look like elements.

01:26:47:18 - 01:27:15:16

Bebe

So include my sink furniture that turns into kinky furniture is one of my favorite things like that. I haven't got to explore yet. Actually, I mentioned before, my partner's a bit of a tradesperson works with their hands and like they've recently got plans from Etsy about like a chair that turns into, like a chair that you can put a one through and, like, I'm like.

01:27:15:18 - 01:27:35:09

Luna

Literally earlier when I told you that I'm about to be a dominatrix, his toy, she literally had sent me a picture of a chair with a magic wand sticking through it. And it's a magic wand with this purple bumpy top, which is what I had until. Get this. So this magic wand I have to share this story, this magic wand that I've had for six years now, or five and a half years.

01:27:35:09 - 01:27:55:06

Luna

My former doll, my first doll, my former master gave it to me. And two days ago, on the new moon, I had it plugged in. I was using it before bed and I heard the motor start to change and I was like, oh, is it dying? Because, you know, we our relationship is now over. He did send me a birthday communique that was so flat and I was like, maybe this is just dying.

01:27:55:06 - 01:28:12:19

Luna

And as I was thinking that, it went like a pop up and inside of it and then my, like, lights shut off, like it popped the circuit breaker, like the circuit breaker did. And I was like, it's done, it's done. And so then she sends me this picture of the chair with a hole in it with the exact same magic wand.

01:28:12:19 - 01:28:16:18

Luna

And now here you are telling me about the chip. So this must be some sort of portal.

01:28:17:00 - 01:28:19:05

Bebe

Of magic, because, I mean, this is thing so.

01:28:19:05 - 01:28:26:14

Luna

Excited. Okay, so. So will you come back and we can compare notes on this chair once we've both done it?

01:28:26:16 - 01:28:30:10

Bebe

Yes. It might be a little while because we still have to buy all the supplies.

01:28:30:10 - 01:28:34:00

Luna

But divine timing, divine timing will come back.

01:28:34:00 - 01:28:41:16

Bebe

But yes, I'd like to come back and like to chat about what I experience and maybe bring another human and they can come and chat with you too.

01:28:41:21 - 01:28:43:23

Luna

Oh my God, I'm here for it. Wow.

01:28:44:00 - 01:28:44:22

Bebe

Yeah baby.

01:28:44:22 - 01:28:53:08

Luna

Bubbles, thank you so much for being a guest on. Well it was it was X stories last time. We're going back to sex. Thank you for being a guest on Sex Stories. I.

01:28:53:10 - 01:28:54:07

Bebe

Absolutely.