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27 bisexual plus-sized femme, switch, non-monogamish, partnered 9 months, disability support worker, Australian, into: Dominance, submission, new experiences, restraints, cock and ball torture, crafts, burlesque

🔗 BEBE LINKS | @bebe.bubbles

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00:00:00:05 - 00:00:22:11

Luna

And our guest today is a 27 year old bisexual, non-monogamous plus size femme who is partnered in a nine month relationship after dabbling in submission off and on during her early 20s that included multiple bouts of hoe phases. She is a recently realized switch who is into new experiences restraints both ways, and has lately been experimenting with cock and ball torture.

00:00:22:13 - 00:00:37:21

Luna

She loves all things crafty and performance, is a dabbler in burlesque, and currently is a disability support worker with different types of intimacy work, coaching, sex education and empowerment. On the horizon. With us today from Australia. Welcome, Bebe.

00:00:37:23 - 00:00:39:09

Bebe

Hey!

00:00:39:11 - 00:00:56:09

Luna

I am so excited to have you here. Can you please start off by telling us if you had to rate yourself on a sexual shemale meter, with ten being the most full of shame and 1 or 0 being like I don't even. What is shame? Where do you fall today? And what has your shemale costar looked like over the years?

00:00:56:09 - 00:00:59:10

Luna

Or what context does it kind of give you a look?

00:00:59:12 - 00:01:31:11

Bebe

Yes sir, I would say some. Most is that I'm in. It's like a two, you know, like, sometimes I have to feel it out and see what everyone else is doing and how they're talking about it. But I have always been the person in my friend group who's like, excited to talk about my sexual experiences. And I don't know, it's part of it's because it started a little late as a not super late for the I was 18.

00:01:31:11 - 00:02:06:22

Bebe

It was nothing, you know, crazy. But like all of the friends that I had were also maybe a year or two older than me. So it felt like a really long time. Yeah. So I think the that was. Yeah. In those times, I was just so excited to talk about it. And I actually had to maybe learn to be not more shameful, but more, I think the, I had had, I was have I was excited about sharing these things.

00:02:07:00 - 00:02:16:05

Bebe

And then my friends actually mentioned that, you know, because like, I have always found sex pretty easy specifically.

00:02:16:10 - 00:02:19:00

Luna

Really? Wait, what do you mean?

00:02:19:01 - 00:02:22:22

Bebe

So I come really easily.

00:02:23:00 - 00:02:33:12

Luna

Oh, my God, I wonder so often if my life would be completely different if I were like, that? Is it. Does it matter if you're alone or with a partner? Or is it just at all always.

00:02:33:14 - 00:03:10:20

Bebe

I have always been able to masturbate and get myself off. I used to kind of not rate people. Exactly. But I would know whether I wanted to sleep with the person again based on, like, if a person gave me one orgasm, it probably wasn't going to happen again, because that's a really low bar. I only do, I've had very, very few experiences where I have an orgasm at all, like maybe 2 or 3.

00:03:10:22 - 00:03:28:11

Bebe

And that was in a long term relationship, because if it's not really working and then really you get doing it for me, I put my hand on my foot and and I'm done. And, Well, yeah, I can explain that even further if you'd like.

00:03:28:11 - 00:03:46:10

Luna

I was like, I would love to take this moment to just dive into all the ways that you can come, like, can you come on a dildo or a cock, like, can you, you know, I hear fingers. It's, you know, and and have you ever measured the distance from your to your opening because apparently that is, you know, the kind of like the reason.

00:03:46:11 - 00:03:46:23

Bebe

Like I want.

00:03:46:23 - 00:04:06:02

Luna

To. Well, it's it apparently has a lot to do with why you can't or can't come. And like, I have a hypersensitive clit. It's a little bit farther away. It needs a lot of grinding. But also my hood is relatively small, so I need or like, I don't know, I need to I need more stuff over it. Otherwise I'm like, oh wow, oh, you know, and I'm hypersensitive in certain ways.

00:04:06:02 - 00:04:15:08

Luna

And then after I come, it's like so much. So anyway, okay, tell us your tell us everything about your comes and can you come a lot. Yeah, yeah. Anything any details but feel really good to share.

00:04:15:08 - 00:04:19:20

Bebe

I'm so curious. I have been mentally preparing for this day for three and a half years.

00:04:19:21 - 00:04:33:00

Luna

I'm sorry. My mind is also blown because like, literally just oh my god, I love this so much. And also if I if I chose to not see people again based on if I came even only once or like, I would be.

00:04:33:02 - 00:04:33:11

Bebe

Oh.

00:04:33:11 - 00:04:48:07

Luna

So alone, like I really have to like, not now. I've learned how to shepherd people into helping facilitate my orgasm because that's so excite. That's, for me, the most exciting reason to have partnered sex. But it's also why I'm just like just that to me. Anyway, I, I don't know, it's good enough. Well, okay, so I got so.

00:04:48:12 - 00:05:07:19

Bebe

I just on that little note there. I will say it actually, I am not very I know I have had to really practice asking for what I want, if I want a specific thing, because I've had I didn't really have to do it right. Because when the, when the goal for me was just to orgasm, that would happen most of the time.

00:05:07:22 - 00:05:17:14

Bebe

Yeah. So on that note, I almost kind of want to give you like, you know, the, the the highlight. Yes. I think that's going to be the easiest way to do it.

00:05:17:19 - 00:05:19:10

Luna

Tell me. Yeah. Tell me.

00:05:19:12 - 00:05:30:18

Bebe

Okay. So I guess just as a thing I can like pressure isn't quite enough very often. I do prefer a little bit of a firmer pressure. My clit is a very sensitive.

00:05:30:23 - 00:05:35:20

Luna

Okay, wait, what shape of pressure? Like like flat. Yours doesn't matter.

00:05:35:22 - 00:06:12:18

Bebe

Not so much. I've had it. Fingers, hands. Just another person's body, humping things. Any of those? Yeah. I have so many, ways of coming. Yeah. Vibrators, Studios, penises. Yeah, I have, I, you know, we'll get into the highlights. The most I ever had in a 24 hour period was 122.

00:06:12:20 - 00:06:15:11

Luna

In a 24 hour period.

00:06:15:13 - 00:06:17:13

Bebe

Yeah. Okay. Can you please.

00:06:17:13 - 00:06:23:00

Luna

Write the short story? The day of 122 comes?

00:06:23:02 - 00:06:43:11

Bebe

I could if I truly remembered it, but honestly, some of it became a bit of a blur. Yeah. So I had, a person in my life who was quite into knowing how many times that was a person I was seeing regularly, so I didn't to count every single time.

00:06:43:11 - 00:06:44:09

Luna

Sure.

00:06:44:11 - 00:07:11:08

Bebe

But, so I decided to kind of make a day of it. And I was like, look, I don't want to do this every time, but let's see what we can do. And there were times that I would literally rag doll, but I the only thing my brain was doing was keeping track of the number. Oh my. Of how many times the the climax would hit and sometimes I would be rolling.

00:07:11:13 - 00:07:16:16

Luna

Right? Right. Next question. Oh my God. Well, how do you count? You know, like every time you peak or.

00:07:16:18 - 00:07:44:15

Bebe

Yes. Yeah. So I would panic as a and because it does fluctuate a little bit. But there's often in those rolling ones there's a peak. Yeah. As well. Even with the anomaly there's a, there's another one. So it could be like orgasming like five times in a rolling orgasm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but by our definition that we had created for that day, I counted 122.

00:07:44:17 - 00:07:45:05

Bebe

Yeah.

00:07:45:05 - 00:07:48:13

Luna

And then when I'm done. Yeah. Okay.

00:07:48:15 - 00:08:28:04

Bebe

So I was a little sore after that. I just, but they were all, either vaginal clitoral stimulation. Yeah. With twins fingers, mouth, penis. Yeah. So all of those. But it was all there. So that was really, really fun. That was a big highlight. Sorry. That was that was a big one. Also, since, found out that if I can orgasm from my nipples, and make orgasm.

00:08:28:06 - 00:08:30:01

Luna

Orgasm?

00:08:30:03 - 00:08:53:07

Bebe

Yeah. I didn't know that one. For a long time. Usually happens after I've already orgasm in another way. Okay. But then when I'm in that hunt space, that can do the trick. But I recently realized that I can orgasm without physical touch.

00:08:53:09 - 00:08:55:08

Luna

You can, you know.

00:08:55:10 - 00:09:23:19

Bebe

Whoa. And as it turns out, it was breathing. So did it. Because. So just to paint the scene for you here, they, orgasm quite a few times. Anyway, so I was already in that space, and I, I was aware of the muscles that were contracting and all of that, and they started to breathe in my ear, and it started in a kind of matching my pace.

00:09:23:21 - 00:09:52:07

Bebe

And then they started to speed up. And as I started to speed up, my muscles started to contract. Then I can orgasm like that. That, it was pretty magical. And like this was like, I have had a lot of orgasms, orgasms in my life. And this was totally new.

00:09:52:09 - 00:09:59:00

Luna

So exciting, especially for a novelty lover. Oh, has it happened more than once? Was that the only time?

00:09:59:00 - 00:10:17:05

Bebe

A couple times now. Yeah, we've we've done it a few times. And again, I, I think I would struggle if it was just off the bat trying to do that. Like from the beginning. I think it helps having other stimulation first. I think we could probably try, struggles.

00:10:17:05 - 00:10:23:13

Luna

Not bad. Wouldn't experiment. And that it's like, not that it's on a pedestal, but it's just so interesting.

00:10:23:13 - 00:10:47:01

Bebe

Yeah. And honestly, that third kind of scope that I always come it from. Yeah. It's like how these are like one of the new ways I can look at them. Yeah. I don't know, like after a while you start to wonder and you're like, okay, cool, let's find new ones. A highlight. I was experimenting with, like aging because as a person who can come really easily.

00:10:47:03 - 00:10:50:12

Bebe

Yeah. I've never really denied myself the pleasure.

00:10:50:14 - 00:10:57:16

Luna

Ooh, a fun experiment. Oh, my God, I did a month of edging last year and it was so hot. It was so.

00:10:57:18 - 00:11:06:06

Bebe

I have not managed to last more than two dates. Okay. Because I orgasm daily.

00:11:06:08 - 00:11:10:23

Luna

Yeah. Yeah, well, especially if you can if someone breathes on your finances too hard.

00:11:11:00 - 00:11:21:14

Bebe

So. Yeah. But like, even like, it's become almost like it's almost like a morning ritual and it really throws me off if I don't do it. But I often wake up, orgasm, get out of bed, get on with my day.

00:11:21:14 - 00:11:24:20

Luna

Yeah. Same, same. Okay, so another part of self-love here. Just to just to.

00:11:24:20 - 00:11:40:03

Bebe

Highlight those and that. Yeah, that one is definitely one of those. And it was just like because I just struggle to like think. Yeah, but and I won't usually go multiple times in the morning unless I have nothing to do that day. Which is fully aware, but like.

00:11:40:03 - 00:11:42:06

Luna

One little quick one and let me get going.

00:11:42:08 - 00:12:08:18

Bebe

Because I find I do start to fatigue after a while, which we'll get into in a minute, don't you worry. But one in the morning I'm awake. I'm a I'm feeling good. I've got the dopamine running and I'm like, let's go. And it's just like a good little way to like, start the day. But yeah. So, some of the other highlights, so post aging, for two days, which I know doesn't it's not quite a month.

00:12:08:18 - 00:12:10:07

Bebe

We'll get there one day. It's not a.

00:12:10:07 - 00:12:12:05

Luna

Contest. I will also your body.

00:12:12:07 - 00:12:15:05

Bebe

But I would love to because I'd be interested. It's insane.

00:12:15:06 - 00:12:19:20

Luna

It's crazy making like by the time I get to day 7 or 8, I was like, oh. And and.

00:12:19:22 - 00:12:20:07

Bebe

It was.

00:12:20:13 - 00:12:32:21

Luna

It was during a single phase for the most part. But then I did end up having two partners, like during week three, and that's where I broke, like, and it was really fun to try and, and I told them I was like, don't try to make me come. And then they were like, kind of fucking with me. But I was like, don't put your hand.

00:12:32:21 - 00:12:40:14

Luna

I was like, don't put your hands. And so I did come on the body parts. And it was one of the wonderful. But yeah, no, not okay. But then so.

00:12:40:14 - 00:13:10:02

Bebe

Interestingly, yeah. So yeah. So I've been aging and that was great. It's really, really frustrating. And I was like, what is this crazy new world I'm living in? Yeah. And when I finally got to come, it was after, like, you know, we'd been aging a lot during that, like, I guess session of having sex. And it had been like a couple of hours and I was like, oh, I want to come so bad.

00:13:10:02 - 00:13:27:00

Bebe

And by that point, like, so this is just like extending into that space, like, you know, using a wand and like, fisting or like heading in that direction, like really big dildos, things like that. Yeah. I've like a whole plethora of things for you.

00:13:27:02 - 00:13:28:09

Luna

Know, I'm too excited.

00:13:28:09 - 00:13:55:06

Bebe

I'm like 50. Let's talk about it. Yeah, I will, which often leads to splitting. So we'll get into that as well. But like, so after edging for so long and that I came so hard, I cried, and it was a laughing crush. Yeah. Like I was laughing and I was crying and I was like, I don't know what's happening.

00:13:55:06 - 00:14:19:15

Bebe

And I really, truly it was just this sort of half laugh, half cry. And then this person just like, oh, you know, like and we went into like aftercare after that. And it was really lovely. But it was just like mind blowing, like literally mind blowing in this experience. And I was like, I just woke. I just have never felt that before.

00:14:19:17 - 00:14:58:05

Bebe

So yeah, anytime I can get a new experience, it's super exciting for me. Same person also gave me my first ask ever, so that was fun. I haven't had a lot of experience yet in anal and all that sort of stuff. Anal play. But I'm getting there and we're experimental and is exciting, you know? And part of that is because I have some weird, like, not weird, but like, I had some negative experiences in the past.

00:14:58:07 - 00:15:18:07

Bebe

Which one? You know, partially just like, not understand how it worked myself. Same. And because of that I was like, oh, but it took a person who actually I'm going to bring this up specifically. So I had heard slut on your podcast, this, and I had not really heard it anywhere else.

00:15:18:09 - 00:15:22:00

Luna

I hadn't either until that early interview. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:22:01 - 00:15:46:11

Bebe

I had never like, no one else was using that term around me. And then I met this person and they said they were a slut. I was like a sign. Oh my goodness. I was like, okay, well, now I kind of feel like I need to know this person and, like, experienced that person because, like, but who's.

00:15:46:13 - 00:16:23:18

Bebe

Yeah, exactly. I'm like, I, I'm not. And I am curious to know what that's like. And I want to understand where they're coming from. And like, you know, that was the purpose in that I that was that. Yeah. The first person I picked. So that was really cool. Ooh. It's definitely like I struggle a little bit because, like, I'm not necessarily selfish in the bedroom, but I, I do struggle if it's, you know, the entire session and I feel like I haven't really done anything for myself in that cuz, like, are.

00:16:23:18 - 00:16:28:08

Luna

Good at receiving, you're good at receiving and you prioritize your own pleasure.

00:16:28:10 - 00:16:49:19

Bebe

I think I'm has to be the be all and and no. But I just especially I think that's part of a comfort zone for me. Yeah. I think because I can I'm really easily. So if it's a space that I'm not, if I'm trying something new, I'm learning something new in that space, I need something that I can connect to that is familiar.

00:16:49:21 - 00:16:51:06

Bebe

Yeah.

00:16:51:08 - 00:16:52:04

Luna

And you deserve to get.

00:16:52:04 - 00:16:52:19

Bebe

Because.

00:16:52:21 - 00:16:57:03

Luna

Everyone deserves to get captured in the in a mutual experience.

00:16:57:05 - 00:17:28:09

Bebe

I don't think I necessarily need it every time if it's a long term relationship or thing. And like I think that because of that, there's been a lot of communication around it. Okay. Having those conversations because I've had negative reactions after the fact, like I didn't realize the amount of aftercare I'd made in that situation is actually higher than if, like, almost higher than if I'm kind of going into a subspace.

00:17:28:12 - 00:17:29:06

Bebe

00:17:29:06 - 00:17:32:06

Luna

Oh, interesting. And we can't know till we know.

00:17:32:08 - 00:17:52:19

Bebe

Exactly. And, like, I didn't know that until I had, you know, a bit of a breakdown after a session. And I got really closed off. And the other person they were, they had been in that subspace and they were really tired afterwards. And so they've gone to sleep and I just didn't know where to put that emotion. Okay.

00:17:52:21 - 00:17:59:07

Bebe

And I was like, I just so I started spiraling because I was like, I don't know what to do with this feeling.

00:17:59:09 - 00:18:18:19

Luna

I want to just ask a curious question to make sure I'm tracking you. Was it an experience of, would you call it Top Drop or was it like is it was is because you were giving, giving and not receiving. Like, what's this? What specifically do you mean when you need the more? Or like, what are the circumstances in which you're identifying where you need more aftercare.

00:18:18:21 - 00:19:01:12

Bebe

So I actually broken up into kind of three categories. So the things that I find safe and familiar in sex, being submissive or more so not necessarily in a cheap way, but you know, being the bottom, being a more submissive person, being told what to do or receive, any of that space that was really familiar and comfortable for me, receiving a lot of pleasure and getting to orgasm a lot is another comfortable space, just because that's what I've learned to know and expect over time.

00:19:01:16 - 00:19:27:20

Bebe

Yeah. And the other one is it's sort of linked to that submissive one, but it's really decision making. Yeah. So like I think I feel like it's yeah, I think a part of my life has always been making decisions, making plans. And I spend a lot of my time doing that to the point where, like, you know, I've attempted and trust me, it did not work that well.

00:19:27:22 - 00:19:34:09

Bebe

But I attempted to plan my days down to the 15 minute interval. I was a teenager was a terrible idea.

00:19:34:09 - 00:19:46:08

Luna

I always try to do that. It never works. And every time I'm like, oh, right. Like yesterday I was like 52 days of play. All these. Oh, right. It doesn't. It's to I need wiggle. I need more wiggle room. Always. Yeah.

00:19:46:08 - 00:20:16:20

Bebe

Exactly. Exactly. And like, you know, I've reached a point where I try to have, like, you know, a plan B and C and D and E and F and G and all of the alphabet of backup plans, because I struggle when something doesn't fit in that space. Okay. And I've learned that over time. And so if I, dumping someone and I plan a scene, then something doesn't go to plan.

00:20:16:22 - 00:20:39:06

Bebe

Like I haven't got enough lube or I haven't got all the toy that I want is at the other house. And I just didn't think to check beforehand or if they're not having the response as I expected. Yeah, I have to think on the spot. And that's where I find it really tricky because it's a new space for me.

00:20:39:08 - 00:20:41:17

Bebe

Like as I like to time.

00:20:41:19 - 00:20:49:23

Luna

I short circuit when it's an overload of too much. Do not understand protocol right now. Must make choice. Do not have time jump.

00:20:50:00 - 00:21:06:20

Bebe

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly that. That's why, like, I'm trying to have these spaces where I can have these backup plans. Yeah, but when I can't, I can kind of keep it together in the moment. For the most part. Yeah, but afterwards, the comedown is really hard because I start to second guess it all.

00:21:06:22 - 00:21:08:18

Luna

So that sounds tough.

00:21:08:20 - 00:21:43:22

Bebe

Yeah. And especially when you're kind of in those spaces that, like Bdsm tight spaces, where, you know, there's, there's pain involved or there's, you know, like, degradation involved. You worry that maybe you've actually upset the person. Yeah. Even if they've consented to that, I still need the reassurance afterwards that our existing relationship outside of that space, because I haven't ever had just a, kinky relationship.

00:21:44:01 - 00:22:10:12

Bebe

And then it's always like, so, like, you know, and outside of the kink space, I need to be assured that I'm still connected to that person in that other way, that saying those things or doing those things has changed my relationship with them. Yeah. Because it's not necessarily that I fear relationships changing, but I fear not knowing that they've changed.

00:22:10:14 - 00:22:22:11

Bebe

Yeah, because that's the bit I really struggle with. I, I have a big issue. Oh, not a big issue. But I'm working on trying to be okay with not knowing you're practicing.

00:22:22:11 - 00:22:30:20

Luna

Oh my God, practicing allowing uncertainty is an extremely uncomfortable thing for a human being.

00:22:30:22 - 00:23:00:13

Bebe

Yeah. And actually that will help me get into the monogamous stuff later. But like that's been a really hard thing to work through. It has required a lot of and it still does require a lot of communication with my partner to. Express how I'm feeling about that, which isn't always comfortable. And it's not always, you know, in like positive feelings about it.

00:23:00:15 - 00:23:30:14

Bebe

You know, just I will experience those feelings sometimes of rejection or jealousy or like I realize the other day, fear for placement is really big for me. Yeah, yeah. And because of that, I need to find the avenues to communicate it. And I, I'm very lucky that I have a partner who is so encouraging of it and allows me the space for it.

00:23:30:16 - 00:23:58:02

Bebe

I didn't even realize I was having an issue around that particular stuff, but they could tell that something wasn't lit about me, and they tried to be there first, and then they realized that wasn't allowing me the space. So then they gave me space. When they came back, I was suddenly I was able to I've had time to process my own feelings about it, and then I could bring them into the space, and then we could have a discussion.

00:23:58:04 - 00:24:01:20

Bebe

And that has been huge.

00:24:01:22 - 00:24:03:13

Luna

Yeah.

00:24:03:15 - 00:24:13:07

Bebe

Just in my own learning. And yeah, just understanding myself, being able to talk openly has been huge. That is huge.

00:24:13:09 - 00:24:36:19

Luna

Wow. Oh my gosh. I would love to hear how you've learned about sex. You know, maybe taking us through your timeline like like tell us starting from formative years and like did you get a sex talk? Did you get school like and how have you learned about the kinky things? It sounds like you learned through your whole phases, but take us through your personal sex education timeline, if you will.

00:24:36:19 - 00:25:04:11

Bebe

So, so I maybe should preface this part where my first sexual experience was, one when I was quite young and with a teenage boy. I was seven, and I have worked through that and processed it. And actually hearing other people talk about how they were quite sexual kids made me feel less bad that I didn't feel bad in the moment.

00:25:04:13 - 00:25:17:06

Bebe

Even though I didn't know it was wrong. Right. Because to my brain, it wasn't ever a problem. Until I found out that wasn't, Yeah, that it was.

00:25:17:06 - 00:25:22:06

Luna

And we don't know until we know in a in a void of information. It's like, how do you know until you know.

00:25:22:06 - 00:25:45:07

Bebe

Yeah. So now that I've kind of prefaced that, I rewind and tell that story, because I. Yeah, I'm in a much better place than what I was for a long time. But. So my first sexual experience was, it wasn't even that I was told that it was wrong. I just it stopped abruptly, and I didn't see that person again.

00:25:45:09 - 00:26:15:20

Bebe

And that was not ever spoken about. I didn't know why it was wrong. I didn't know why I wasn't allowed to see that person anymore. And I think, I guess this is where some of the speculation came in. Well, I was like, oh, I don't really understand what's wrong here. And then as a teenager, you find out about, you know, pedophilia and you know, like, you know, like people can't consent when they're a child.

00:26:15:21 - 00:26:42:11

Bebe

They don't understand all of that stuff. So even though I didn't view it as wrong, it felt good. So I didn't understand that it was bad. I didn't have the understanding that I have now around the whole situation. So I was left very confused and feeling like I couldn't talk about it ever. And so, yeah, that was that was quite hard.

00:26:42:12 - 00:27:14:23

Bebe

Because I had learned that that stuff felt good. I was I felt like, okay, well, I still want to experience that feeling. So I guess it started there and I because even though that wasn't a good scenario for it, it still sparked the beginning of understanding my body and understanding my own sexual pleasure. And I didn't masturbate much at that point because I was still confused about it.

00:27:15:01 - 00:27:35:13

Bebe

But I would just enjoy the feeling of my own body and like, just even light touches, you know, like knowing how my skin feels and things like that. So even though I wasn't quite at that stage where I was masturbating at that age, I was definitely aware of how pleasure felt in my body. Yeah. And that I enjoyed that.

00:27:35:15 - 00:28:01:15

Bebe

So then I was probably around 11 or 12, when I started masturbating and it was. Primarily just through, like the kind of friction on the outside, whether that was, you know, like, I never really got into humping a pillow, but I definitely because that's like a classic one. You know.

00:28:01:17 - 00:28:08:06

Luna

I've heard, I've heard I still haven't that actually. Have you done it as an adult? I still have, I mean, I've done it, but not really. Yeah. Okay.

00:28:08:07 - 00:28:15:08

Bebe

Okay. I did it once and I was like, I don't really see what the big deal, that I felt better. But.

00:28:15:10 - 00:28:19:20

Luna

She says the orgasmic goddess.

00:28:19:22 - 00:28:44:07

Bebe

Yes. I really enjoyed pressure. And that kind of continued to the point where I like, had kind of as a slightly like the teenager myself. I so, so, which I will progressed to in a minute. But I went from just that kind of pressure of my hand, or sometimes it was like a toy or something like, as in like a teddy or like a soft with something, just that pressure against it.

00:28:44:09 - 00:29:12:16

Bebe

I then progressed to like, I would sit, so you know how it bit frames, metal bed frames. Like that was where I progressed to in between. There was the feeling of my underwear against my feet. Oh. Which is an old one. Yeah. I haven't really heard many people say this one. So it's, so I used to grab the side of my underwear and pull it up.

00:29:12:18 - 00:29:19:16

Bebe

And the feeling of it in that space was just like, amazing to me. I was like, oh my God, that feels so good.

00:29:19:21 - 00:29:34:14

Luna

We like the wedgie. Feel it like like, was it like a cupping your lips? That's so it. Okay, I just recently started doing that with like, shorts and stuff, but just to like, because I'm pulling in, you know, practicing the different or like, one of my girlfriends is like, wear your swimsuit higher up, it'll make you have longer lines.

00:29:34:14 - 00:29:37:19

Luna

And I pulled it up above my hips and I was like, ooh.

00:29:37:21 - 00:29:58:17

Bebe

But yeah, I'm not sure exactly that feeling. And like but pulling it more towards the front. Yeah. Yes. How I and like having pressure along I guess like my labia with the the spaces that I really and my and I was like oh my God this is crazy. Like this is amazing. How can I get more pressure there?

00:29:58:19 - 00:30:12:07

Bebe

And because I have I've literally broken underwear doing that a couple of times. And usually they weren't in the best. Like it wasn't like it wasn't brand new underwear or anything, but it was just like they would tear for. Still, I've.

00:30:12:07 - 00:30:19:18

Luna

Never broken a pair of underwear. Orgasmic goddess underwear breaker.

00:30:19:19 - 00:30:39:09

Bebe

Undies. I'm just not ripping underwear of other people. Become. Yeah, potentially. Of course. Yeah. That actually, but yeah, it just it was really fun and like, I really enjoyed that and I did that. I honestly, I feel like they probably still do that to this day. I, I've become less aware of that because I don't do it super frequently.

00:30:39:09 - 00:30:50:01

Bebe

But I really did do that a lot. But then it progressed to like yeah metal bed frame. Which had different like curves and shapes.

00:30:50:01 - 00:30:55:14

Luna

Okay. Yeah. Like tell us where because I'm like how do it on top side pressing up against pull.

00:30:55:17 - 00:31:11:08

Bebe

Yeah. So yeah it was a pole. It was a relatively simple like maybe I don't know what it would be in inches half an inch, I don't know, probably like a finger and a half. Okay. Depending on people's finger size, I guess. A large.

00:31:11:08 - 00:31:12:17

Luna

Coin, maybe.

00:31:12:19 - 00:31:13:00

Bebe

Like.

00:31:13:06 - 00:31:15:05

Luna

Yeah. Okay.

00:31:15:07 - 00:31:26:13

Bebe

Okay. Yeah, maybe a point I think, in and I would straddle, and then just basically sit there and we go back and forth.

00:31:26:15 - 00:31:28:14

Luna

Wow.

00:31:28:16 - 00:31:36:07

Bebe

It was something I'd like, you know, some people, when they come, the feet curl up.

00:31:36:13 - 00:31:38:15

Luna

Oh yeah. I got to point my toes.

00:31:38:17 - 00:32:06:04

Bebe

Yet toes and like the knees come up and that would force me down further on it. So the pressure would increase. Yeah. And it was just like insane. How. But that's not at the time. Yeah. It was like, oh, but it was getting to the point where like I was so sore, afterwards because I was just doing it way too hard and like, oh, maybe that way too hard, as in the grand scheme, you know, like it was fun and I enjoyed it.

00:32:06:04 - 00:32:30:00

Bebe

And it was never like, you know, I never had any, like, blood showing up or, abrasions that I could tell. But it was just like eight. Yeah. Afterwards. And so, yeah, I kind of stopped doing that so much, because it was just like, oh, it's it's a lot after, you know, and then I've still got to go do life and the rest of my days.

00:32:30:00 - 00:32:33:09

Luna

How old were you at this time? Approximately. Oh, give a range.

00:32:33:12 - 00:32:56:11

Bebe

Probably like 14. I want to say. Okay. Like 14. 15. Maybe. No, probably closer to 14. I don't think I was quite that old, so yeah. 1314. Kind of in the early. So we don't, I didn't have like middle school. I just went primary school. High school. So it was like my early high school days.

00:32:56:13 - 00:33:03:06

Bebe

That's also when I first found porn in my household. Okay.

00:33:03:06 - 00:33:10:02

Luna

Well, tell us. And had you had a sex talk with the family at, like, you're the oldest, so you're really a guinea pig?

00:33:10:04 - 00:33:30:03

Bebe

Yeah. So my mum. And then, like, I didn't really talk to my dad as much about it, but, I never got a sex talk. I got, like, primary school education. I, sick to the to middle week, which I think had the most important stuff because I always felt like I just got these are the terms and this is the end result.

00:33:30:03 - 00:33:51:10

Bebe

I was like, what's in the middle? Yeah. So that was kind of funny. For two weeks, I missed it and I was like, oh, and I was so excited for it too. And I was so devastated that I was sick. I was like, oh, so that was really hard. But yeah. So I always felt like if I asked my mum a question, she would tell me the answer.

00:33:51:10 - 00:34:13:15

Bebe

But I didn't always ask it. Yeah. And I think this is where the kind of weirdness that I felt come in, comes in from when I was a kid, where this thing happened and we didn't talk about it or not in my memory. I don't know if maybe I just popped it out, or something like that, because it probably was quite a harsh shift.

00:34:13:17 - 00:34:38:10

Bebe

So, like, this is a person, like I would go to their house to be babysat frequently, like, you know, so all of a sudden my life had changed. Oh. So I don't really remember it super. Well, but yeah, I just, I, I knew that if I had questions, like when I got my period, I told my mum and, you know, like, I knew that there were pads in the house and I could use them and like, things like that we talked about.

00:34:38:12 - 00:35:04:23

Bebe

But at that point in time, I didn't know how to ask the questions. Because it just we just really it just didn't come up. So then, like, if the question came up, I could ask and it was fine. Like things about like body hair and understanding. Yeah. Under certain periods and you know, like all that kind of about myself as a woman, I could ask.

00:35:05:04 - 00:35:28:00

Bebe

Yeah, but if it was sexual, I had a lot of shame around it. And I didn't know how to ask the questions. So I would, I would research it myself. But the way I came across the porn on the side was I was looking for Christmas presents. I was a big fan of knowing, and I was like, okay, well, my parents definitely hid it in their room because where else would they hide it, as it turns out.

00:35:28:02 - 00:35:54:00

Bebe

So I never I was really bad at finding the Christmas presents. I were amazing at hiding them. But I did find that porn. So that was fun. And when I tell you that, I probably should have worked out that I was attracted to women earlier, this should have been a clear sign. But I didn't. But I really enjoyed watching this porn that was primarily about the women being sexy.

00:35:54:02 - 00:35:56:11

Bebe

Unlike so it was video.

00:35:56:11 - 00:35:57:23

Luna

The video stuff that you found.

00:35:58:01 - 00:36:23:05

Bebe

It was just. Yeah, yeah. There was also like magazines and it was like, you know, like some erotic fiction, things like that, which was fun and fun toys as well. And yeah, like, I found their box of things, you know, like, that didn't necessarily surprise me so much as excite me. Like, I was like, oh, look at this cool new stuff that I get to experience and find out about.

00:36:23:07 - 00:36:43:22

Bebe

Like, I actually I did want to bring up what we're talking about, like, what was your sex education? So I don't know if they're worldwide or if it's just an Australian thing, but there was a magazine called, Dolly. Okay, I haven't, last night, so I think I think it is an Australian thing. Or. Yeah, it was, it was called Dolly.

00:36:44:03 - 00:37:08:18

Bebe

And on the inside there was these sections in the middle that would have a sealed section, and you had to rip it open to open that up. And, the inside. Yeah, it was amazing. It was interactive. I loved. Yes. And, the inside was information about sex, and it was great. Yeah. I love those things. So it's a rip them open, like, read all about it.

00:37:08:22 - 00:37:37:22

Bebe

And to be fair, some of the, some of the information, it was a bit iffy, but it's like, you know, ten ways to please your man. Sure. Yeah. Like that was like, okay, cool. What about me? But it did have some really good ones that were quite, you know, information based around, like, understanding the vagina, understanding, breasts, understanding, like orgasms, like it was.

00:37:38:00 - 00:37:58:10

Bebe

It had stuff about all sorts of bits and pieces sometimes. Yeah. Like that wasn't super explicit in the way they talked about it necessarily, but it was just from this, like educational kind of view point. Yeah. And this was just in magazines that you could get, supermarkets and news agencies. Yeah, it was great. And I loved it.

00:37:58:12 - 00:38:15:16

Bebe

And I don't know why I stopped getting them, but yeah, just eventually you kind of grow out of them because I, I'm that like teenagers, I think. But yeah. So that was a big part of my learning because I was just like, oh, look to me. Yeah. Like so it was really cool. But also porn was the other one.

00:38:15:18 - 00:38:41:22

Bebe

And like, it's actually really funny. I have a story about the porn that I found the DVD like, it was just, it was pulling in a very kind of generic sense where it's like, I think I found out it was called something to do with cream pies. Okay. Later in life, because sometime in this last year, I can't remember when exactly, but I went on a weird deep dive into porn archives to try and find them.

00:38:42:00 - 00:38:44:22

Bebe

Oh, I just wanted to know what it was.

00:38:45:00 - 00:38:50:21

Luna

I've tried to find a book. I feel that's so hard. And I'm like, where is it? What was it like? What is this formative memory of?

00:38:50:22 - 00:39:08:20

Bebe

Just like, did you find I actually, I did, I found it, okay. And I paid the like dollar 25 for the video that I was specifically thinking about. I just could remember this, like, you know, this, I want to call it like a money opportunity. It was like, you know, one piece and it went all the way around.

00:39:08:20 - 00:39:30:22

Bebe

And I was like, I just vividly kid. And I was like, I just need to remember what this was. And I yeah, I was looking for a while and I found it and I was like, I found it. I feel good. So amazing that I like vindicated that it did exist. And I did experience that, I don't know, but it was just like, yeah, there it is.

00:39:31:00 - 00:39:55:19

Bebe

So that was really fun. But yeah, I used to watch that quite a bit. And I so the way I would do that is I've, I've got seven siblings and I'm the oldest. Yeah. And they're blended family. So that's from my stepdad and my mum. So there's four on each side. So I'm the oldest and then the next one down is also my mum.

00:39:55:19 - 00:39:58:09

Bebe

So they're all male bodied.

00:39:58:11 - 00:39:59:21

Luna

All of your siblings?

00:39:59:23 - 00:40:00:16

Bebe

Yeah.

00:40:00:18 - 00:40:02:19

Luna

Whoa. Okay.

00:40:02:21 - 00:40:05:19

Bebe

So I was the only girl in the show.

00:40:05:21 - 00:40:10:05

Luna

Oh, my God, you parental find, like, mummified, like. Whoa. Yeah.

00:40:10:05 - 00:40:30:13

Bebe

I'm getting older quite a lot, and I didn't necessarily mind a lot of the time. I didn't realize the impact that had on me until I was an adult. Reflect on it. Yeah. And I was like, oh, maybe that affected me in ways I didn't even and like, not in a way that anyone could have necessarily prevented because I actively was putting myself in that space.

00:40:30:13 - 00:40:52:07

Bebe

Oh, well, at the time, because I was excited about it. Oh, sorry. Sure. Yeah. Like, particularly with my youngest biological brother, I used to get called mummy to, And he was my turtle, and he was my baby turtle. Oh, cute. Yeah. Because we would run around with, like, the washing machine was washing baskets on a boat.

00:40:52:07 - 00:41:10:12

Bebe

Yeah. So that kind of like round. Definitely. I've done that was I like. And that was our dynamic, like. Yeah, I, you know, I wanted to be the one who was helping with him. Like, I wanted to help change him. I think he would have been I want to say five. My ages are going to be off.

00:41:10:12 - 00:41:34:12

Bebe

And. Sorry, mum, if you're listening, which she probably will. I won't I get into that in a minute. But I think he was about five. And so when my dad wasn't in the house anymore and it was my mum and four kids. Yeah, I took up a space that was, like, helpful, you know, like, I was the helpful oldest kid where I would, you know, help where I could and like whether that was helping with homework.

00:41:34:16 - 00:41:42:00

Bebe

And then, like, babysitting and, you know, they'll have cleaning jobs around the house. So that was nice. That was nice. Did.

00:41:42:02 - 00:41:42:17

Luna

Yeah. Yeah. Good.

00:41:42:18 - 00:41:46:15

Bebe

Let's have so many kids. Less tools overall.

00:41:46:17 - 00:41:52:15

Luna

Oh my gosh. Because more capable hands to go around assuming they're all pulling there's. Yeah. Wow okay okay.

00:41:52:17 - 00:42:03:19

Bebe

Yeah. And everyone you know it was based on age a little bit. So the youngest would struggle to put the washing on, hang it on the line and take it off to landfill like that. So that's a lot for when you five leave.

00:42:03:19 - 00:42:11:04

Luna

We give my little sister the job of cleaning the drawers and knobs, because she was the right height to do it in the kitchen, and she got so good at it. Yeah.

00:42:11:06 - 00:42:28:09

Bebe

And that's exactly it. And like we had like, you know, animals because we had we were like continuously like, you know, like this little chickens everywhere. And like, if they feed the chickens, that was the job that. Yeah, every day that the chickens cook. So that was straightforward. But yeah. So I took on quite a parental role.

00:42:28:11 - 00:43:04:23

Bebe

Just because I felt not necessarily because I wanted to I wanted to help wherever I could, you know, I could see my mum was going through a divorce. I was a teenager. I was like, how can I help in any way? Yeah. To make this process easier, you know, because I could see that she was hurting and going through her own stuff, and like that then kind of continued because when she then met my stepdad and they got married, we all lived in the same house, all eight of us.

00:43:05:03 - 00:43:27:21

Bebe

It was just really, really fun. And I actually loved it. That being said, might be because I had what I, what we, we called princess privileges. Because I was the only girl. Okay. I'm the oldest, so there were certain things that I could ask for and kind of get what I wanted, okay? In ways that I don't think my brothers always could.

00:43:27:23 - 00:43:43:14

Bebe

Right. Like. Yeah, but I made up for some of that by being the person with the license so I could do school pick up and drop off I could. We all had extra curricular activities. So yeah. And imagine trying to ferry people in different directions is really fun.

00:43:43:17 - 00:43:47:05

Luna

That's huge. That's. Yeah. Wow.

00:43:47:07 - 00:44:23:10

Bebe

So I really took on that role and like just to like I guess because we've recently been talking about like my sex education and growing up, through that, I think the so I quite often became a person that my brothers could talk to about stuff. And they speak really, really openly about it. Oh, now, like my mum, my brothers all like we all speak really openly about sex and like, not necessarily I, we said it to each other once where we're like, look, we don't necessarily tell each other which direction we're pointing.

00:44:23:10 - 00:44:44:21

Bebe

The other person is to say, like, you know, we're not go into the nitty gritty details. But if my brothers have a question or a thought about sex, they know that they can come to me and I'm going to answer it in an, judgment, a way that's awesome. Or if I don't know the answer, I'm happy to talk it through with them or help them find the answer.

00:44:44:23 - 00:45:06:18

Bebe

Like, you know, I many brothers, I've taken some to go and get plan B before, which is like a, you know, post contraceptive pill and like, particularly with the one who was my baby turtle, he's the one who still lives in the state, but I live in the rest live in a different state now. But we're very close.

00:45:06:18 - 00:45:31:17

Bebe

And when I was having her phase 2.2, he was also about 18 and having a very similar phase. And so we just exchanged stories about the things we were experiencing. He had a threesome before I did. How rude. Yeah. Like these are the sorts of things we would talk about and like, yes. I think that that's been a really cool kind of takeaway.

00:45:31:17 - 00:45:49:17

Bebe

And my openness, it kind of eked out into them. And also my mum realizing more about herself now she's quite open as well. And you know we might talk about that at some point and or I might, you know, if we do catch up again I'll chat to her in the meantime and see how she is about.

00:45:49:23 - 00:45:57:18

Bebe

Yeah I know that she's okay with me like mentioning you know, so she's polyamorous and queer and like, she identifies as pansexual.

00:45:57:20 - 00:46:03:00

Luna

Did you know that, like, how old were you when you became aware of those things?

00:46:03:02 - 00:46:19:02

Bebe

So I became aware that she was attracted to women as well. When I was like, after the divorce, because my dad was gone and we would talk about how she would have affairs with women. Yeah. Like I really.

00:46:19:06 - 00:46:23:03

Luna

Don't as an affair. It depends on the relationship agreements, but yeah, yeah.

00:46:23:05 - 00:46:44:01

Bebe

But it was because, it wasn't necessarily, you know, like at least by my dad's point of view, because he wasn't involved all the time. Right, right. You know, so to him, because he like, I mean, that's like saying it doesn't count because it's a woman. Like, if that doesn't count as a say in that scenario where it was a monogamous relationship.

00:46:44:01 - 00:46:46:19

Luna

It's per the monogamy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's an affair. If you.

00:46:46:20 - 00:46:47:12

Bebe

Then that.

00:46:47:13 - 00:46:50:03

Luna

If the partner doesn't want it to be happening. Yeah.

00:46:50:05 - 00:47:12:03

Bebe

Exactly, exactly. And like yeah. We were talking and my mum said like this was recent. We were talking and she said, it's like every five years I just need to have an affair with a woman. It's a it's not an affair this time because, you know, when we're polyamorous and it's okay. But just the fact that she termed as an affair with a woman was really interesting to me.

00:47:12:05 - 00:47:20:21

Bebe

I'm not object to that one's okay. But yeah, like, because we do speak quite openly about it, sometimes I forget that it's like, not my story to share.

00:47:20:23 - 00:47:22:22

Luna

Well, that's what we practice here too.

00:47:23:00 - 00:47:30:15

Bebe

Maybe I'll send a girl when you can have a chat to her and we'll do like, oh my God, that would be no. Oh, come together for. Yeah, yeah, she would love that.

00:47:30:15 - 00:47:52:21

Luna

Actually I would love that. Also, I've been teased and it's totally fine because I trust the divine unfolding. But I've had several guests be like, oh, maybe my parents, maybe my pair and I have not yet had a parent take them up on that offer. So that is a bucket list wish for me for this part one overview of your stories, I would like to sort of get into, like to continue the frame of your education.

00:47:52:21 - 00:48:04:07

Luna

Can you just walk us through your like you had sex at 18 and then you have a whole phase one, a six year relationship. So phase two and now you're where you are. Is that pretty much the timeline?

00:48:04:09 - 00:48:19:22

Bebe

Yeah, almost. So like, yeah. So sharing stuff about myself, what I'm into, I got really, really boy crazy and I think the reason because of that, the reason for that was because I was making out with all my female friends, but I had this image in my brain that I was not bisexual, so I didn't count.

00:48:20:00 - 00:48:21:10

Luna

Interesting. Yeah.

00:48:21:12 - 00:48:46:16

Bebe

That was interesting. So even though, like, you know, I was getting my I was making out with them, we were giving each other hickeys, playing with each other's boobs. And I was like, this couldn't possibly be anything because I'm not gay. So that was. Yeah. And at this point, I knew my mum was bisexual at the time, but pansexual, like, I knew that and I still didn't feel like I could accept that about myself.

00:48:46:16 - 00:49:14:17

Bebe

So sometimes it really is a journey. So this is where we kind of get into the fact that I really struggled to interact with people that I hoped would become sexual partners unless it was online. So the first person I ever came up to was, after I went to uni one day, I had been chatting to someone on Tinder and they're like, hey, do you want to like me in a place that's like, on the way back to where I was going for my house?

00:49:14:18 - 00:49:25:04

Bebe

And I was like, yeah, I guess. And then I gave them a blowjob, and then I went about my day, okay? And that was the whole story. I never spoke to that man again.

00:49:25:06 - 00:49:34:02

Luna

We really we. And that was your first blowjob. Did you did you feel confident? Like, did you know it? Like, how did you you were just like, I'm going to do that. Did you guys put it?

00:49:34:04 - 00:49:53:10

Bebe

No. I was intrigued and excited about okay. Like because I hadn't had experiences at that point that all my friends had talked about. Sure, I guess so for me, it was just like, oh my God, I'm so excited to try new things. Yeah. So like when someone gave me the opportunity, didn't even matter who it was. Honestly, I do not remember this person's name.

00:49:53:10 - 00:50:21:16

Bebe

I do not know what they look like. Tinder. First, remember to jump Tinder. And honestly, there were so many in the end. That's not there wasn't heaps, but, yeah. So I had given two blowjobs to two different people. And then this was the in person person, where I had known them vaguely beforehand. They were up at a friend's house that was just up the road, which is like a kilometer away.

00:50:21:18 - 00:50:45:02

Bebe

And they're like, hey, I'm at this person's house and I'm drinking. Can I come over and hang? And I was like, okay. And if I knew this person through people, I didn't know them very well. And I was like, why do you even know where I live? I like it, I hadn't put it together in my head yet, but then I found out later it was a person who knew my family, so that was fun.

00:50:45:04 - 00:51:06:21

Bebe

Like my little brothers and stuff. Not because they're the same age, but because, like, he was like a leader in something the whole time. They vaguely know about themselves. Multiplication. Yeah. And he. Yeah. So he just came over and we hung out for a bit, and then I had been on my period and it was like kind of getting to the end of it.

00:51:06:23 - 00:51:28:15

Bebe

I was like, oh, I don't think I'm ready to broach the idea of periods like that's huge. But I also and I was very adamant I was like, virginity is a construct that's dumb. But I also want to move past that point and be in a space where I'm exploring sex. Yeah, yeah. And I'm just feeling like that's a hurdle I can't quite get over.

00:51:28:17 - 00:51:37:02

Bebe

So randomly I was like, oh no, I'm going to be really cool about this and be like, why don't we try anal?

00:51:37:04 - 00:51:45:00

Luna

Studies in confident also also where I'm from, that was the way that a lot of people got around.

00:51:45:00 - 00:51:46:08

Bebe

To that, actually.

00:51:46:10 - 00:51:48:17

Luna

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:48:19 - 00:51:57:12

Bebe

Because I'm not from a religious background. Right. Okay. So I have no religious ties to it, but I also did that, that so that was just like but I.

00:51:57:12 - 00:52:05:21

Luna

Also really I like I'm pro period sex, but if I'm with a brand new partner, it's for me personally, not what I want the first time I'm with them.

00:52:05:23 - 00:52:29:06

Bebe

Yes. I have some stories around period sex, which are fun. After that experience. But yes, the first time was just it was anal, and I was really glad that he was quite drunk. So like, he wasn't super hard, because otherwise it wouldn't have worked had it. Yeah. Like, I had given him a blowjob that was kind of wet.

00:52:29:06 - 00:52:45:22

Bebe

And we just worked with that. It was not super comfortable, but not uncomfortable, like, it was just kind of. Yeah. And like I said, that was before I decided that if they can't make me come, I want to sleep with them again, because I didn't come with enough.

00:52:46:00 - 00:52:47:06

Luna

Data to make a rule. Yet.

00:52:47:12 - 00:53:00:08

Bebe

But I'm like, I was not stimulating myself in any way. And like, I just wasn't really experience a lot of pleasure there. I was just like, the experience is exciting. Well, then that was kind of not at the time.

00:53:00:08 - 00:53:22:01

Luna

Sometimes for me, or maybe most of the times for me, or maybe now talking to him like, should I adjust this hyper novel experiences in themselves are the pleasure. It's just not an orgasmic pleasure. You know? I still receive a lot of pleasure from Body Touch, and also my brain is like recording everything. So it's a different it's a slightly different headspace, even though it can still be sexy for me, it's not necessarily.

00:53:22:01 - 00:53:22:19

Bebe

Absolutely.

00:53:22:21 - 00:53:24:07

Luna

Yeah. Coming sexy. Yeah.

00:53:24:07 - 00:53:43:04

Bebe

No, definitely. And I think that's where like when I was talking about aging before where like that was so exciting. Yeah. Even though yeah it becomes a long you know and like that's great. And that's fantastic because it was a new experience. But yeah. So we tried that. I must have just gotten it into his head that that was what I wanted to the second time we hooked up.

00:53:43:06 - 00:54:00:17

Bebe

Same situation. We tried, I know, and it was like two days later. It wasn't even long. I think it was staying at the friend's house, too. And I was like, I'm not loving this so much because he wasn't drunk anymore. And it was really uncomfortable and painful. Yeah. And so that pretty much shut down business there for a really long time.

00:54:00:23 - 00:54:04:15

Bebe

Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, that makes a pain. But like that.

00:54:04:17 - 00:54:14:17

Luna

I, I've heard so many stories too, where anal happens with, alcohol as the lubricant and not actual lube. And that was my those were my first years.

00:54:14:18 - 00:54:18:19

Bebe

Yeah. So it was with saliva. Yeah. So not actually.

00:54:18:19 - 00:54:25:05

Luna

Yeah. Not actually. And it's like, we need lube. We need warm up. We need some more. A lot of process.

00:54:25:07 - 00:54:40:17

Bebe

Yeah. So we were using condoms and stuff. So that was. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I guess so situation. Yeah. But then I was like, okay, that's clearly not working. Why don't we just have sex and my period and stuff? So I was like, let's just have sex.

00:54:40:23 - 00:54:44:03

Luna

And that was your first partner penetration.

00:54:44:05 - 00:54:56:15

Bebe

Okay. Yeah that was my first partner penetration. Kind of sexual debut I suppose. Yeah. In that sense but yeah technically and also Oh yeah. Yeah. So yeah I.

00:54:56:17 - 00:54:59:01

Luna

Partnered pussy penetration.

00:54:59:03 - 00:55:16:07

Bebe

Yeah. And I did tell him that like kind of in that space, but that was like me losing my virginity, which I felt the need to say after the fact. Like I was like, no, it doesn't matter. I just want to kind of get past this first stepping stone and then I'll be and I can mentally kind of get into it a bit more.

00:55:16:09 - 00:55:30:11

Bebe

But then I was like, oh yes, I like, you know, done. But then I immediately he didn't even say anything. I was just like, oh, but it doesn't have to mean anything. Like just for the record, like, don't worry about it. Like it can like I don't expect anything. I don't I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm not asking that of you.

00:55:30:12 - 00:55:32:21

Bebe

And I immediately like.

00:55:32:23 - 00:55:36:07

Luna

Was that like an effort to make him comfortable or you comfortable or.

00:55:36:07 - 00:55:53:09

Bebe

I think so, okay. I think him okay. Because actually I was I think I definitely always I had been craving that sort of a connection because I've never had like at that point, like I had never had a partner. Yeah. And I was just like like that would be great, but absolutely not. Like, I totally get that. That's all.

00:55:53:11 - 00:55:57:23

Bebe

And it was to make him comfortable and not feel like it meant more than just.

00:55:58:01 - 00:56:11:09

Luna

Yeah, I'm also having an epiphany. I'm like, oh, I could have just told him after I didn't, even because I would be like, it doesn't have to mean anything, or I just really want to have sex and I haven't had it yet, so do you want to do it? And they were like, no, I'm like.

00:56:11:11 - 00:56:16:16

Bebe

No. But that is. And that's why I didn't tell him. I said, well, I just told him.

00:56:16:22 - 00:56:17:22

Luna

Just yeah, yeah.

00:56:17:22 - 00:56:35:21

Bebe

But then also, you know, I was aware of the kind of stigma that people have around, and stuff like that and like this expectation that, like, it's a special thing. Right? That you're like, giving a way to a person that you want to spend a lot of time with, even if it's not your life. Yeah.

00:56:36:02 - 00:56:37:11

Luna

Right. Right.

00:56:37:13 - 00:56:56:21

Bebe

But I just wanted to be really clear that I didn't necessarily expect that of him, but I grew to want that. Okay. Over time and in between that time. So he went off to, like, cadet, back, and we hooked up again and went off, and it's all the stuff. And like, he was in and out and I was hooking up with other people in that time.

00:56:56:21 - 00:56:58:04

Bebe

That's when Whole30 started.

00:56:58:08 - 00:57:00:14

Luna

I see 1.0,

00:57:00:16 - 00:57:37:05

Bebe

1.0. And yeah, there was a lot of starting to explore with like, killing needs and like, interacting with people and like sexting and, I really just learned through those experiences of which there were 13 people that I slept with in that two year period, but there was a big gap. At one point, because I now, as a much older adult, have realized that it was a lot of self-destructive behavior, that I was engaging in because I was like thrill seeking.

00:57:37:06 - 00:58:05:14

Bebe

And this is where I think I mentioned that, like, some of these stories should be cautionary. Okay. Not necessarily because they went badly for me, but because they really could go badly for people. Right? So maybe like a prime example is I was messaging a guy and we'd just been messaging that day and he's like, oh yeah, like, why don't you meet me at a place that's 45 minutes away from your house and we can, like, hop in my van and we can have sex.

00:58:05:14 - 00:58:09:06

Bebe

And then I was like, oh, have fun having a white van and have sex. Really?

00:58:09:09 - 00:58:09:20

Luna

Jam.

00:58:10:01 - 00:58:22:01

Bebe

So I. Yeah, okay. Personally, please don't try this at home. Everybody who's listening, it's terrible idea. Except to ended up being one of the best experiences I've had at that point. So.

00:58:22:03 - 00:58:43:04

Luna

But I'm also I'm also like I told 2 or 3 friends, have your location tracking on, have those people checking in. Let the person that I'm about to fuck know that I have check in buddy since I'm brand new and meeting them. If they freak out, run away as fast as possible. You know, I, I want to be reasonable about the fact that people are going to do exciting stuff, right?

00:58:43:04 - 00:58:48:11

Luna

We can't I can't resist sometimes. So it's like, let's be as risk aware as possible. And also I.

00:58:48:11 - 00:58:49:11

Bebe

Think that's a really good point.

00:58:49:11 - 00:58:53:00

Luna

Get ready to kick and run and, you know, do it if you need to push.

00:58:53:02 - 00:59:14:04

Bebe

You know, keep your keys in between your fingers. And I want to, all of that stuff. But yeah. So I actually that's a really good point because I think that's, another key difference of whole phase two, when I don't have the shame that I had then, like, I didn't want to tell people that I was doing it because people would have expected me to be in a relationship and do that.

00:59:14:04 - 00:59:32:14

Bebe

Like, right. Because I was saying quite often, I think my friends and everyone around me, I was like the probably one who would do that, who was really innocent and sweet. And I was like, I don't think you understand. Yeah, I think that's why I leant into the phrase ho, and I actually, I had moments, right. I also called it a slut phase.

00:59:32:19 - 00:59:58:15

Bebe

Okay. And I kind of switch between the two, but I ended up because it was ho phase by the end. Yeah. But, like, yeah, this kind of like. I don't think you understand I'm doing this sexually. Yeah. So that, and it was like, Yeah. So definitely, second time around, I was messaging friends if I was going to go hook up with someone kind of anonymous or like someone I didn't know at a place that wasn't familiar.

00:59:58:15 - 01:00:20:06

Bebe

So that is definitely a very good point, that, yes, make sure you have those systems in place for anonymous sex if that's what you're into. Or like, you know, hook up partners and stuff like that. But yeah, so I drove 45 minutes away from my house, got in this guy's white van. We then drove away from my car.

01:00:20:08 - 01:00:41:19

Bebe

At that point, I was like, maybe this wasn't the best idea, but then I kind of let that wash past me, and I continued to hook up with this person and we had sex in the back of his van. He had a mattress, and that was great. And what was the white room actually.

01:00:41:21 - 01:00:48:08

Luna

Of his van? Or we see just like a van fucker. I and I say that without judgment, that fantasies of that.

01:00:48:14 - 01:01:08:14

Bebe

Yeah. I think it might have been a van. Fucker. Okay. But let me get to the the punchline of this story. Oh my God, man. Yeah, yeah. So this was actually an incredible experience because we hooked up and it was the first time I was oh to he fact, he had quite small hands. Like he had little idea to.

01:01:08:18 - 01:01:18:17

Luna

My burning question, you have done this now 3 or 4 times throughout this conversation because I think I was about, oh, my God. Okay. So he how small were his hands?

01:01:18:19 - 01:01:35:01

Bebe

Well, not really small as far as like size, but they were quite thin. Okay. So, I mean, you can see my hands in the chunky, but not crazy. Yeah, like I got. Yeah, yeah. So I would say quite similar to your hands in like kind of width of finger but longer.

01:01:35:03 - 01:01:35:14

Luna

Oh, wow.

01:01:35:14 - 01:01:41:18

Bebe

Yeah. Oh nice. They have to pay for that. Oh I.

01:01:41:18 - 01:01:53:04

Luna

Have not, I have not yet heard from a hand fetishist other than like me and my girlfriends who are like, we love hands, but I haven't met like a person who identifies as hand fetishes, but I totally would.

01:01:53:06 - 01:01:54:20

Bebe

My God, now you get to.

01:01:54:20 - 01:01:57:07

Luna

But now, I mean, I'm open.

01:01:57:09 - 01:01:58:02

Bebe

Wait. Okay, but.

01:01:58:06 - 01:02:05:02

Luna

But back to the fisting. Please tweet. So this was your first time being fisted. Did you talk about it like how did it unfold?

01:02:05:04 - 01:02:21:13

Bebe

So I was just busy feeling good. Like this guy was like, I was like, hey, if you had hey, let me do that for a little bit. And then he's like, no, no, no, lie back, I'm going to do a thing. And I was like, God, I'm already here. I'm fully trusting you. Do what you're going to do.

01:02:21:15 - 01:02:38:08

Bebe

And then so it just started off like fingering and like rubbing my clit and stuff like that. And it just started getting fuller and fuller, and I was like, what is happening? Like my mind, I've. And at this one, I've orgasm multiple times. And I think he was just like experimenting at that point. He was like, how many can I get in there?

01:02:38:08 - 01:02:38:18

Bebe

01:02:38:18 - 01:02:39:04

Luna

Been there.

01:02:39:04 - 01:02:51:22

Bebe

And so yeah. So then he was fisting me and I was losing my mind, like I was orgasming so hard. And I also squirted for the first time with a partner. That way. Yeah.

01:02:52:00 - 01:02:54:12

Luna

Wait, so you had done it alone already?

01:02:54:14 - 01:02:56:18

Bebe

Yeah, but I didn't realize what it was at the time.

01:02:56:18 - 01:02:58:19

Luna

Right? Right. So. Yeah. Yeah.

01:02:58:21 - 01:03:18:10

Bebe

Yeah. And so my mind was so, like foggy after that, which is how I get after coming. A lot of times I get a bit like, yeah, everything is kind of, mixed up and I don't know where I am necessarily. And so we just hung out in the back of the van while I was kind of coming down from that high.

01:03:18:12 - 01:03:35:09

Bebe

I was just chatting and he's like, oh, yeah, I might, I should probably mention I'm also like a male prostitute. And I was like, I'm sorry. What? Like we'd met on Tinder. This was not like, right? I called him up and he's like, and I, my face must have changed because he's like, oh no, no, no, no, no.

01:03:35:09 - 01:03:47:04

Bebe

Like I'm not I'm not charging you for this just for me. I just thought I might mention it. And I was like, how did you not live with this? But I guess because there's a lot of stigma around sex work, right?

01:03:47:06 - 01:03:48:10

Luna

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

01:03:48:10 - 01:04:08:03

Bebe

And like, in in the state I live in, it's not legal. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like, there are some states in Australia that do that have legalized it, but not every state. And the one I'm in, it was not legal. Yeah. And yeah. So that was a whole time. And I was like I was just too busy being mind blown.

01:04:08:03 - 01:04:09:09

Bebe

I was like, oh.

01:04:09:11 - 01:04:13:13

Luna

Well. Also I wonder why he shared that with like, what was he looking for?

01:04:13:13 - 01:04:19:02

Bebe

Because oddly or possibly, I also was just like, wow, that was amazing.

01:04:19:03 - 01:04:21:16

Luna

About like, oh, okay.

01:04:21:18 - 01:04:36:13

Bebe

Oh, I think I was saying like, oh my God, that was so good. Like that. So amazing. Like how how did you do that? Because I was just like, kind of in this dead state and like, oh, it's like, oh, yeah, I should probably have mentioned then I'm a sex worker. And I was like, what? I'm like, yeah.

01:04:36:13 - 01:04:40:10

Bebe

He's like, no, no, no, I don't expect you to open like that because I have my money with me. So, sure.

01:04:40:14 - 01:04:44:02

Luna

Also, that was not the agreement. You have to do negotiations ahead of time.

01:04:44:04 - 01:04:55:00

Bebe

Which I didn't know at the time if it would have been like, you need to pay me, I would have been like, do you think maybe, no, I would not have had any awareness around it. But what a new business strategy.

01:04:55:01 - 01:04:56:13

Luna

Maybe I'll try that.

01:04:56:15 - 01:05:11:23

Bebe

Maybe I'll try. And maybe I'll trick people into paying me for sex. But, yeah, I just had no idea. I'm like, he's like, oh, no, no, no, I wasn't going to charge you anything. This was a hook up. I just wanted to let you know. And I was like, okay, great. And he's like, oh, do you want me to, like, drive you back to your kind?

01:05:12:00 - 01:05:14:16

Bebe

I'm like, that would be nice.

01:05:14:18 - 01:05:16:18

Luna

I can't wait. So he probably worked out of his.

01:05:16:18 - 01:05:27:06

Bebe

Vans in the I reckon, I think that might have been the guy, which is why there was the mattress. Yeah, and why he had a look. I'm pretty sure he had, like, lube and condoms. Oh.

01:05:27:08 - 01:05:33:11

Luna

Okay. I yeah, I'm. I'm having a big turn on response to that.

01:05:33:12 - 01:05:41:03

Bebe

It was honestly so fun. That was that was one of the best experiences at that point in my life.

01:05:41:03 - 01:05:53:12

Luna

Like, oh, I mean, I love that van man. I mean, I don't I don't know that, like, I don't know that I ever want to be surprise fisted, but but at the same time, when it works, it works, you know, like when it's going with it and it's I mean, I'm.

01:05:53:12 - 01:06:16:16

Bebe

Like, I think maybe it has something to do with the fact that I do, like, I can come on and then I'm quite wet as well. When that happens, I'm like, you know, as the muscle kind of expands and contracts a bunch times, it just gets looser in looser and like, you know, just like I say to anyone listening like Kristen was, it does go back to a smaller size.

01:06:16:16 - 01:06:35:08

Bebe

Yeah, it does need warming up every time. Every time I do it, I can't just be like, yep, shove a fist in me. That doesn't work. But yeah, I just had the neck and it warmed up and I could do that. And I was like, whoa, whoa, that was crazy. And like, that was the only person who'd done it for a while.

01:06:35:10 - 01:06:44:18

Bebe

Like, and for a while longer. I didn't have that experience again for a while, but it was pretty great. It was a lot of fun to, Yeah.

01:06:44:18 - 01:06:46:02

Luna

Oh, my God.

01:06:46:04 - 01:06:47:07

Bebe

It's really exciting.

01:06:47:09 - 01:06:51:20

Luna

So I definitely want to have you come back, and I want to do one more little wrap up question.

01:06:51:20 - 01:06:53:06

Bebe

So let's let's.

01:06:53:06 - 01:07:13:03

Luna

Start with our classic wrap up question. Even though we don't have your full story yet, we're in the process of getting it. What a tease. What a good tease. I've been learning about teasing. So you're helping me so much. I can't wait for. So tell us. So if you could go back in time and give younger you a piece of sex advice, what age or ages would you pick and what would you say?

01:07:13:05 - 01:07:43:13

Bebe

I would pick that seven year old kid, and I would answer every question she has because I think it would have freed me up a lot, to feel okay and to have that shame stripped for me so much earlier. Yeah. Because I, you know, like, I love every iteration of myself or I'm learning to do that.

01:07:43:15 - 01:07:54:23

Bebe

And I know that she had a lot of questions. Yeah. I might not always explain things. I have a very long winded way of explaining things, but I think she'd get it.

01:07:55:01 - 01:07:55:13

Luna

Yeah.

01:07:55:15 - 01:08:03:11

Bebe

And I think that that would really help her. So it's not a specific piece of advice so much as just giving her the space to ask questions.

01:08:03:13 - 01:08:22:16

Luna

And that's what I want to create is a space for people who have questions to ask and get them answered. And just noodle noodle together and learn from each other. Damn baby. Thank you so much for being a guest on Love Stories, sex stories. I can't wait for your Sex stories part two and all the other stories that we shared together.

01:08:22:16 - 01:08:23:06

Luna

Thank you so.

01:08:23:06 - 01:08:28:22

Bebe

Much. Thank you so much for having me. I have loved every second and I look forward to doing it again.