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32 ambiamorous pansexual white cis male, bar manager, Vancouver-based, from England, into: giving, love, praise, pressure play

🔗 SCOTT LINKS | @sirjenkins91

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00:00:00:06 - 00:00:24:17

Luna

And our guest today is a 32 year old and the amorous, pansexual, white cis male who has been on his queer journey since early 2020 when moving to Canada allowed him the autonomy to explore his curiosities and desires away from friends and family. He loves giving, loves the word love. Recently learned that he has a praise. Kink has been getting into pressure play and has been enjoying playing with partners of different body types.

00:00:24:21 - 00:00:31:02

Luna

A bar manager who lives and works in Vancouver, Canada, originally from the North East of England. Welcome, Scott.

00:00:31:04 - 00:00:33:02

Scott

Hello.

00:00:33:04 - 00:00:48:11

Luna

Thank you. Thank you for having you with us. Yes, I would love to start out, especially since you love love more accurately. You said you love the word love, as do I. Well, actually, let's start there. Before I even ask you my regular question. What do you love about the word love?

00:00:48:13 - 00:01:12:03

Scott

I think there's, emotional depth. There's a lot of people kind of don't really, attach to it as much as they used to. You know, I myself always remember pretty much the first time I've said I love you to a partner in the past. Because it's it's a very special connection and an intimate moment. It's like at that point, it becomes a moment of, vulnerability.

00:01:12:05 - 00:01:13:05

Luna

Yeah.

00:01:13:07 - 00:01:21:02

Scott

Because it's an emotion. A lot of us kind of don't really express on the deeper scheme of, connection.

00:01:21:04 - 00:01:26:12

Luna

Yeah. Do you remember the first time you said I love you in a romantic way to someone?

00:01:26:14 - 00:01:29:12

Scott

Yes. My current partner.

00:01:29:13 - 00:01:30:08

Luna

00:01:30:10 - 00:01:54:19

Scott

They were visiting me up in Vancouver. Where? In a long distance relationship. And I had planned this lovely trip for us. We went to the island, which is just off Vancouver, got a hotel and we had been messing around in the bath and we went for a shower. And there in the shower, the two of us, I looked at them in the eye and I said, I love you.

00:01:54:21 - 00:02:03:07

Scott

And yeah, it was like a very intense, beautifully like cliche. True.

00:02:03:09 - 00:02:03:18

Luna

Sure.

00:02:03:20 - 00:02:13:14

Scott

But, very natural in the moment. Like, it felt like the moment had built itself to be the moment I told them I loved them.

00:02:13:16 - 00:02:19:10

Luna

Beautiful. Normally, this is my first question about love. What does love mean to you?

00:02:19:12 - 00:02:46:22

Scott

To me, love generally means being at your utmost, truest, and your most vulnerable to an individual. When they can see you through your flaws and the many edges and, quirks you might have. I find that at my most comfortable and my most truest self, I am full of love.

00:02:47:00 - 00:02:48:01

Luna

00:02:48:03 - 00:02:53:21

Scott

Is yeah. Again cliche. I'm very much a hopeless romantic at heart when it comes to these things.

00:02:53:21 - 00:03:14:13

Luna

So it's I love that I'm trying to learn more about romance and understand that. Right. Like I kind of joke that I have a little alien robot brain, but I joke that because I got told a lot by a lot of people over the years, and I'm very loving, but I'm I'm not sure I understand romance and, you know, cliches are true for a reason, right?

00:03:14:13 - 00:03:29:08

Luna

Or they, or rather, cliches exist as cliches for a reason. And so how do you like how do you understand romance? Two part question. And or what does love feel like inside of you?

00:03:29:10 - 00:03:52:03

Scott

Oh, I'd say that's a good one. We'll go for a loved one. First. Yeah, it's very much, the feeling. The euphoric feeling. You know, the again, going with the cliches, the butterflies deep inside the almost certain attraction and being drawn to an individual.

00:03:52:05 - 00:03:52:20

Luna

00:03:52:22 - 00:04:02:23

Scott

Without much, you know, thinking too much about it or putting much thought to the feeling you're having. It's very instinctual.

00:04:03:01 - 00:04:04:18

Luna

And allowing.

00:04:04:19 - 00:04:36:13

Scott

And allowing. Yeah. And then one day it everything just clicks into place beautifully. And as an individual who is a huge fan of romance and love and kind of embracing those steps and taking a very vulnerable step in the moment to be like, I want to be with you, I love you. How can we make this transaction, this agreement between two people work?

00:04:36:15 - 00:04:51:14

Scott

There's been I mean, as much as it's a good confession. I really do love, spending time with individuals. Time spent with an individual really builds up an emotional connection with me.

00:04:51:16 - 00:04:52:03

Luna

Yeah.

00:04:52:05 - 00:05:19:08

Scott

And then building that emotional connection, then kind of tips over to love at some point. I did at one point. I did have a relationship with a colleague of mine in a bar I was working in, albeit they were in a partnership at the time, but we sat down at one point and I again, this is this goes back to what I was saying earlier about I can always remember when I was vulnerable in a loving moment with someone.

00:05:19:10 - 00:05:41:02

Scott

And this was now eight years ago. Maybe, maybe longer, sat in a, in a bar in a pub in England and I was like this. And cards on the table. I really like you. I know this can't work because you're currently with someone. And she pretty much said back the exact same thing. And it's, you know, it's one of those things.

00:05:41:02 - 00:06:00:02

Scott

It's a vulnerable moment for myself because I'm going against everything I was taught as a child. You know, these kind of like rules and regulations. You know, two people are together. They're together for a reason. There's no reason that you should be kind of like sneaking in in some form, but.

00:06:00:04 - 00:06:02:06

Luna

And yet it's so human and so common and.

00:06:02:06 - 00:06:16:20

Scott

Yes, it's so human. Yes. Yeah. It's, you know, is it worth holding on to the emotion and letting it pent up, or is it just being able to like, hey, this is how I feel about you? If it's reciprocated, great. If it's not, this is me laying on my cards on the table.

00:06:16:22 - 00:06:31:20

Luna

Yeah. Wow. Do you think that type of vulnerability is part of romantic or like. I would love to hear how you, a person who loves the word love and romance, kind of understands that interplay.

00:06:31:22 - 00:07:05:13

Scott

I think the, vulnerability for sure is, I wouldn't say so much connected to romance for myself. It's connected to love more than it is romance. A girl to me, is the whole aspect of dating and getting to know someone and having those, like, moments, you know, caught in the rain, dancing in the street, like those really small, specific bits of romance that kind of really, like, become very movie esque.

00:07:05:15 - 00:07:12:23

Luna

Heightened, connected fun. Is that could that be a description of romance or like one description like, like because it's person.

00:07:13:00 - 00:07:41:22

Scott

100%. Yeah, yeah. It's I've been reading I've been hearing a lot of podcasts, including this one, of course. As mentioned before. And there is something to be said that, you know, sex itself and connection starts outside the bedroom. And like, having the fun with an individual long before even, you know, you entertain the idea of sex with someone.

00:07:42:00 - 00:07:42:05

Luna

Yeah.

00:07:42:07 - 00:08:03:04

Scott

Kind of builds that romance in slowly and it burns and it builds and it becomes, you know, a small simmering fire becomes a big bonfire of emotion and love and romance, and you get caught up in it. And then next thing you know, you're dancing in the streets whilst it's raining buckets of.

00:08:03:06 - 00:08:29:23

Luna

Oh, I love that. You know, it's so interesting to reflect hearing you speak. And I've been doing a fair amount of interviews the past couple of weeks and have been in this moment of 52 days of play for me, which includes a lot of podcasts, a lot of like loving exploration and the recurring theme from everyone I have spoken to lately has been a desire for connection, for real human connection.

00:08:29:23 - 00:08:51:13

Luna

Of course, we love the carnal, you know of. Well, not, of course, actually, that's not a given. Many people do, but I am. I am increasingly hearing questions and comments and reflections specifically about that human connection aspect that you mentioned. How how did you learn about romance and love?

00:08:51:15 - 00:09:00:16

Scott

I, I this is the admission of, the classic childhood of Disney. I suppose you know, the kind of like you do.

00:09:00:18 - 00:09:01:15

Luna

Yeah.

00:09:01:17 - 00:09:18:04

Scott

I mean, this is definitely a generation that were brought up in like 80s and 90s, which are so Disney centric. And yeah, the tropes themselves and the movies and love is, is a good basis, but kind of, I'd say watching films as a child.

00:09:18:06 - 00:09:18:20

Luna

Yeah.

00:09:18:22 - 00:09:44:04

Scott

You know, the classic the scenes again, I, I don't know what it is. I just always find, I suppose in my head I find it magical and very romantic, kissing someone in the rain. So I will always bring up it raining outside. And just locking lips of someone I think is just a magical moment. Always. But yeah, Disney is definitely to blame for romance.

00:09:44:06 - 00:09:44:21

Scott

My romance.

00:09:44:21 - 00:09:52:13

Luna

Anyway. Okay, wait, have you gone to kiss someone in the rain? Or is the shower? Is that why you like the shower? Is because it's so close to rain.

00:09:52:15 - 00:09:56:08

Scott

I suppose it's it's probably why I love the shower. Yeah. I mean, you.

00:09:56:08 - 00:09:58:02

Luna

Need a rain shower. I guess.

00:09:58:04 - 00:09:59:09

Scott

The rain shower. I'm trying to.

00:09:59:09 - 00:10:15:23

Luna

Remember. I'm like, have I kissed someone in the rain? I'm like, have I actually got to have. But also I'm like, well, I haven't really been in relationship relationships where I might be out in the rain. I'm, I like I'm trying to run through my memory files, but I'm like, that is that does seem maybe I would learn about romance.

00:10:15:23 - 00:10:18:23

Luna

I think just someone in the rain, you know.

00:10:19:01 - 00:10:23:14

Scott

I shouldn't keep playing up this trope as if it's the. But, be all and end all of,

00:10:23:16 - 00:10:56:00

Luna

I'm like, but it's one key component because also there, there is something like this really delicious about getting wet with someone, you know, in all these ways. And for me, it speaks to the like, passion and desire with disregard for the elements and or maybe becoming one with nature and or I mean, probably also in my brain. My brain is like think it was in like a climactic, maybe season finale of a friends episode where she's like, oh, but it's open.

00:10:56:00 - 00:11:16:11

Luna

What if it rains? Or maybe he says that and one of them goes, then we'll get wet, you know? And so it's like that it's taught to me from that cinema, and I'm sure. Does The Notebook have an iconic rain scene? I don't know that. It is like it's definitely iconic. Right? So, I'm always curious. Yeah. Lovers, if you're listening, have you kissed someone in the rain?

00:11:16:11 - 00:11:21:16

Luna

Let us know your love. Romance, rain stories.

00:11:21:18 - 00:11:25:07

Scott

I am, I think shower is always a like a nice.

00:11:25:12 - 00:11:27:06

Luna

Yeah I love.

00:11:27:08 - 00:11:38:08

Scott

Scene. Steamy partner time with in the shower. Yeah. Like most of the time when I with my partner, I will we will shower together.

00:11:38:13 - 00:11:39:09

Luna

00:11:39:11 - 00:11:55:09

Scott

Because it's, you know, you're also getting the heat, the steam, the tech, the feeling of the water. Again, just seeing the feel of someone else against your skin. Yeah. It's. You know, I kind of like feeling clean, whilst also, in some ways getting dirty. You know, that classic. The classic.

00:11:55:11 - 00:11:59:17

Luna

You read my mind. You knew exactly where I was going with that.

00:11:59:19 - 00:12:15:02

Scott

But again, it's also it's, you know, it's again a very it's an overload of senses. Yeah. Which I think is also a good way to describe love. It's like when everything is just at its max in comparison to a normal day.

00:12:15:04 - 00:12:37:20

Luna

Yeah, I love that. Beautiful. Okay. More concretely, give us a little smattering of Scott's love life right now. Like, who and or what do you love? You know, without giving, like, specifics away about the people themselves. But I'd love to hear, like, the textures of the people and or things, places, whatever you want, you know, whatever nouns in your life you love right now.

00:12:37:22 - 00:13:03:13

Scott

My partner, they live down in LA, so I try and see them as much as we do. We see each other about two, every two months, since we've been dating, which and I, you know, as a in the form of a person that I love, I love them. It's a very deep connection, very vulnerable connection.

00:13:03:15 - 00:13:28:22

Scott

And again, this comes back to the word connection loss. Like, you know, as you were saying earlier, connecting with an individual or individuals, in a kind of romantic, sexual way is, I think what all of us are kind of seeking is a base, you know, to, like, build ourselves off. I usually use, the term when we are talking back and forth.

00:13:29:00 - 00:13:32:17

Scott

And this kind of came from Emily in the Gorski.

00:13:32:18 - 00:13:33:16

Luna

Yes, love.

00:13:33:22 - 00:13:36:22

Scott

Come as you are. Yeah, right. Come as you are at the start of this year.

00:13:37:00 - 00:13:39:23

Luna

Everyone should read it if they have. Not yet.

00:13:40:01 - 00:13:58:19

Scott

It is. It was, it was beautifully eye opening for me, but we use the like concept of planting a field of sunflowers as our connection. The two of us connecting over this kind of connect, planting a field of sunflowers. Because Emily uses,

00:13:58:21 - 00:13:59:16

Luna

Garden.

00:13:59:18 - 00:14:00:20

Scott

A metaphor. Garden metaphor.

00:14:00:20 - 00:14:19:12

Luna

Yes. Yeah. And, you know, people sometimes put trash in your garden into you can plant your own garden seeds and pull out your fucking weeds and throw them back over the fence. Wait, do you and your partner, I have a little bit of a tiny little bit of foreknowledge in in your sunflower metaphor, are there bees pollinating? Because if not.

00:14:19:13 - 00:14:26:20

Scott

I could be blind of a scent. I mean, that should be definitely part of it. They are very keen on bees for sure.

00:14:26:20 - 00:14:41:22

Luna

I know bees new. And then there's some sort of thing to say about honey in that, in that conversation as well. Okay. Sorry, but but I digress and I pull the subject. Okay, so come as you are the garden. The sunflower metaphor.

00:14:42:00 - 00:15:04:13

Scott

Yes. Is kind of the way we kind of connected. And it's again going off the idea of pulling up flowers, bringing into the field of sunflowers that we wish to build for ourselves, starting with a fresh foundation in a, in this kind of partnership that we're in, building a connection, building this together and kind of focusing on relationship goals.

00:15:04:15 - 00:15:05:06

Luna

00:15:05:08 - 00:15:20:10

Scott

And checking it on a more regular basis. You know, I as someone who came out as queer in 2020, I was very much still stuck in, like the heteronormative, limited communication with partners.

00:15:20:12 - 00:15:21:06

Luna

Yeah.

00:15:21:08 - 00:15:48:06

Scott

And as it's, you know, since then and getting into, podcasts and reading and kind of going into, sex therapy, looking at, my shame that I carried with me, etc.. One thing I'm learning more is communication and keeping open communication, and that's, you know, also a good foundation in this kind of metaphor of field of sunflowers.

00:15:48:07 - 00:15:59:01

Luna

Far beyond people. What are some things in your life that you find yourself loving or that kind of bring you? I don't know, like life, love, like day to day joy, love.

00:15:59:03 - 00:16:07:15

Scott

I. I am really I'm a chaotically organized person.

00:16:07:17 - 00:16:08:23

Luna

You love that I need.

00:16:09:01 - 00:16:15:12

Scott

I need a I need a presence that's like I'm organized to a point. But it's done in such a chaotic manner.

00:16:15:14 - 00:16:15:21

Luna

Okay.

00:16:15:21 - 00:16:37:05

Scott

That, you know, people who are very organized, I realize I'm talking about my partner a lot, but, they will admit that they are a lot more organized to me. And it's like point A to point B. Great. I am point A to point A1 to point A to taking over two months to do it to get to B, but I still get there in the results.

00:16:37:07 - 00:16:50:09

Scott

And in that sense I have like a very chaotic schedule, which brings me absolutely love on a weekly basis. Although I work in hospitality, within Vancouver.

00:16:50:11 - 00:16:51:00

Luna

00:16:51:02 - 00:17:15:07

Scott

Generally my days off of the same. So I treat myself every Sunday. I get up early because I go to work and I go and grab breakfast at a coffee shop every Sunday at the same time, pretty much around the same thing. But it's like it sets me up as almost like it's almost becomes like a ritualistic like it's like it's so set in stone that I could be having.

00:17:15:12 - 00:17:27:15

Scott

I mean, I could be having breakfast at home. We could all be, but I'll still go out. I make the effort to treat myself and give myself the like, the self-love of like, I am doing this because I love doing this.

00:17:27:19 - 00:17:31:21

Luna

That's romantic. That's solo romance, auto romance.

00:17:31:23 - 00:17:54:21

Scott

Yes, I mean, I I've, I've spent a lot of my time, being single and I always took myself out. I knew exactly you know, what I want to do? There's no one that I mean, I think a lot of people should do that more often. I think there's a degree of, like, stigma of individuals. Just check themselves to restaurants.

00:17:55:01 - 00:18:13:14

Luna

Yes. And I'd love to add on to that. Take yourself out by yourself. I dare you to put your phone away. I dare you to leave your phone in a pocket or a bag the whole time. I mean, whatever if someone calls you, I get it. But I had I had a big part of my big formative life.

00:18:13:14 - 00:18:36:21

Luna

Self love work happened when I was walking about South America in 2016 for half a year, and I got in the habit of enjoying my solo date and thinking about it that way. And I would have a little journal because I'd love to make notes or kind of like write a little poem, you know, stuff that never saw the light of day, that was just for me and just really being present and enjoying the moment and that that I'm so glad to hear it.

00:18:36:21 - 00:18:41:09

Luna

How did you develop that habit?

00:18:41:11 - 00:19:09:06

Scott

Again, this goes back to chaotically organized. I back in England, used to have a very tight schedule, like I was up at 9:00 in the morning, would finish at 2:00 in the evening, and my days would be full of meeting people for coffee, for drinks, some alone time in the middle. And I think realizing that was more of like,

00:19:09:08 - 00:19:34:02

Scott

Even though I was with company, I was doing it for myself because I loved spending time with these people. Yeah. And it wasn't just like I wasn't just doing it because I felt obliged to. I was doing it because I loved to spend time with these people. So, you know, even the 9:00 coffee in the morning when I had four hours of sleep was, was a thing of love because it was like, this is setting me up as routine.

00:19:34:04 - 00:19:59:10

Scott

This is self-care. This is me taking myself out to do something I want to do, not holding them accountable. And then. I will say as well, I think moving across to the other side of the world, even if I still have a family, network over here. Definitely.

00:19:59:12 - 00:20:22:11

Scott

Brought me the autonomy and the self, realization of I can do these things by myself. I do not need to have other people around me. Because you're starting from zero at this point. You know, you have a network of friends and family in one world. You move to the other side. It's like, well, your bucket. You know, count zero for friends who you can now go and hang out with.

00:20:22:11 - 00:20:35:14

Luna

Totally, totally. Wow. Could you just list a little smattering of, like, activities or other things that you love just so we get a little a little sense of your world?

00:20:35:16 - 00:20:50:17

Scott

I'm a huge nerd, which is, badge I wear. The older I get, I wear with pride consistently. To the point that my, my biggest, biggest hobby currently is, Dungeons and Dragons.

00:20:50:18 - 00:20:51:14

Luna

Okay.

00:20:51:16 - 00:21:23:13

Scott

Which is great because it's allowed me to find my queer community as well. Because I've chuckled to a lot of people. Is that a lot of queer people play Dungeons and Dragons? It is a nice outlet. It is a nice creative space for people. And for myself living in Vancouver, it's a nice way to have built my community from, you know, knowing these people to seeing them every two weeks for the last two and a half years.

00:21:23:15 - 00:21:24:08

Luna

00:21:25:07 - 00:21:38:18

Scott

You know, consistency and a scheduling system where it's like a a story of love, and time and devotion. And I put that out there for people to take part in and enjoy.

00:21:38:20 - 00:21:39:16

Luna

Other than that.

00:21:39:20 - 00:22:08:21

Scott

I am a huge musical theater kid. I again, this kind of really links back into, Disney, but I will sing myself down the street. I only started listening to music. Yeah, I only saw this music on, in the last, maybe year and a half. Unlike Spotify, the rest of the time I would just sing small snippets of songs down the street to myself consistently.

00:22:08:23 - 00:22:12:23

Luna

I fucking like, are you making them up as you go, or is it like things that are already in your head?

00:22:13:01 - 00:22:20:11

Scott

Oh, usually things in my head I have, I have written, I have written an independent musical for friends.

00:22:20:13 - 00:22:47:04

Luna

Oh, I love that so much that I so I'm, I'm a big, part of my personal, like, unfolding as I like, discovered more about my, like, sexy parts of my creative parts and all of that. I gave myself more permission to just sing out loud the little songs I'm always making up in my head. And in the last six months or so, I have been developing friendships where I'm comfy enough to, like, sing at the people and I tell them I'm like, if this is annoying, do you make it stop?

00:22:47:04 - 00:23:07:14

Luna

But what is actually happened is so beautiful. Half the time they'll sing back to me in return and it's so cute. It doesn't have to be good. We don't always rhyme, but sometimes we do. And it's amazing and it's so fun. So I'm like, oh my God, I'm living in a real life Disney musical, you know? And and I find that, you know, I think it's important for humans to express ourselves.

00:23:07:14 - 00:23:17:18

Luna

Right. And I think there's something about the throat, the voice, the the vibration and just getting on that wavelength with another person. That's beautiful. I love I love that kind of message.

00:23:17:18 - 00:23:18:05

Scott

I mean.

00:23:18:07 - 00:23:19:09

Luna

Yeah.

00:23:19:11 - 00:23:43:13

Scott

Yeah, community. And as I got going to your point, you just mentioned, so of those like sparks of memory, a lot of people in my work, I generally sing when I'm making drinks, usually to myself. Yeah. Generally, the people I work with have received it. Well, yeah. And if they will join in, we'll do a little dance.

00:23:43:15 - 00:23:51:05

Scott

Or, you know, compliments will be for all my way of you. Shockingly, how impressive. People say my singing voice.

00:23:51:05 - 00:24:11:02

Luna

But that's what I do here nor there. I love it, too, because it's an invitation to play. Right? And I noticed that oftentimes people are looking for permission to play or to just engage or to just be like, oh, you know, and I, I'm an accidental permission giver in all these ways when I let my words out. So I, I love that it sounds like you're funny and also when.

00:24:11:05 - 00:24:23:22

Luna

So I was a bartender back in the day, just like dive bar status. But every time, every time I would like, I was like, shake, shake, shake shake, shake, shake. Like every single time in my head I was shaking, like every time.

00:24:24:00 - 00:24:31:18

Scott

So I used to I used to have. It's not so much a thing now. I used to, I do, but I used to have a habit of shaking to the music.

00:24:31:20 - 00:24:34:13

Luna

Yeah. And I would call cocktails totally,

00:24:34:15 - 00:24:40:04

Scott

Irresistible, which is really not really good practice. But, it's.

00:24:40:06 - 00:24:42:09

Luna

Not ideal for the cocktail.

00:24:42:11 - 00:25:02:15

Scott

No. But as you say, it's also the letting the dog down is quite interesting because it allows them to, you know, let the guard down be a bit more vulnerable, be a bit more playful, embrace that inner child that we all kind of, you know, yeah, do desperately still want to let it out because the world is how it is.

00:25:02:15 - 00:25:07:06

Scott

And, you know, yeah, having a bit of joy in our world sometimes is, important.

00:25:07:08 - 00:25:31:01

Luna

Absolutely. And I think, I think for a lot of people who I speak to, it's like that little core of us, that little piece is part of what is going to be loved, to feel that connection, which makes the personal, sexy, intimate connections to the next level. Right? I know that when I feel safe to be my full self and all my silly parts do with someone, the sex gets hotter and it doesn't mean that I behave like a child.

00:25:31:01 - 00:25:50:04

Luna

I mean, unless we're doing a very specific type of role, whatever. But like but but it's a feeling, the allowance for my playful parts to be welcome. And so yeah. And that that's been just a big thing for me. Okay. I would you spoke a little bit earlier about time with partners kind of fostering that connection, fostering that love.

00:25:50:06 - 00:25:52:12

Luna

When and how do you feel loved?

00:25:52:14 - 00:25:55:20

Scott

I

00:25:55:22 - 00:26:04:11

Scott

A big, fan of words of affirmation. That this goes back to, the introduction of praise kink.

00:26:04:16 - 00:26:05:05

Luna

Yeah.

00:26:05:07 - 00:26:40:06

Scott

I think it's something I need as, as mentioned, I kind of only recently realized that it's something that kind of just like, absolutely, you know, gets my heart beating, my body just, like, sense of, like, anticipation. But feeling, you know, words, affirmation. Also being able to be vulnerable to discuss, most issues. That I myself would feel shame about in the bigger world.

00:26:40:06 - 00:27:09:05

Scott

You know, again, this comes down to, and this kind of, I think is more geographical, but not so much. I'm sorry I rephrase that. It's more like mental health is something I only sort of recently being very vulnerable about, talking about and opening about, you know, even in that space is anxiety, depression. And they fall when someone opens their heart and it's like, okay, I hear you, I see you, I feel you, I understand where you're coming from.

00:27:09:07 - 00:27:12:06

Scott

Let me hold you for ten, 15 minutes.

00:27:12:07 - 00:27:14:12

Luna

And.

00:27:14:13 - 00:27:25:05

Scott

That's what you know, that's when I feel loved. When I'm being seen for every bit of me. Be it the good, the bad and the ugly.

00:27:25:07 - 00:27:33:06

Luna

You also mentioned being. And be amorous. What does that mean to you? How did you kind of learn about it and what is it like?

00:27:33:07 - 00:28:01:02

Scott

So, amorous was a word that, again, in this kind of sexual journey that I've had in the last four years, listening to podcasts, feeling more, learning more about polyamory in itself. I was finding myself when I started dating as a queer, queer man, that I was just accidentally falling into polyamorous relationships. Which was fine.

00:28:01:02 - 00:28:18:13

Scott

I had no problem with it, you know, it was, something that was new to me and interesting, and I realized I had no problem with it because it's not the connection between the other person and my partner at the time who I had to be worry about. It was just a connection myself and my partner were having.

00:28:18:13 - 00:28:49:01

Scott

And if we like each other and we will have a great sex, then you know, what does it matter in the Grand scheme of things? But I also spent so many years in monogamous relationships, and I think the what the word Ambien to me essentially covers that. I am an individual who is happy in a polyamorous kind of dynamic setup, and also as just, monogamous relationship.

00:28:49:01 - 00:29:18:11

Scott

I think the kind of constant, back and forth between monogamy and polyamory is something that I've kind of only recently understood that both sides kind of, constantly conflicting because monogamous don't really understand and are willing to educate themselves and polyamorous and have to defend themselves. It becomes just kind of like a cycle of back and forth.

00:29:18:11 - 00:29:20:12

Luna

And it's like, yeah, this.

00:29:20:12 - 00:29:28:12

Scott

Comes down to this comes down to eventually the same thing. Everything comes down to let people just do what they want to do. Yeah. Within reason, of course.

00:29:28:17 - 00:29:38:06

Luna

And our, our, our needs actually met regardless of what the label is, right? Our, our are our actual human needs being met in relationships.

00:29:38:08 - 00:29:43:23

Scott

Exactly. And like, you know, and if one person fulfills, fulfills all your needs. Amazing.

00:29:44:01 - 00:29:46:00

Luna

Yeah. That's beautiful.

00:29:46:02 - 00:29:53:08

Scott

And if it takes one person to fill 80%, another person to fill 60%, and that covers all your needs, that's amazing as.

00:29:53:08 - 00:29:55:17

Luna

Well. Yeah.

00:29:55:19 - 00:30:10:03

Scott

You know, and that's kind of how I've slowly started learning and educating myself about polyamory and its greatest, kind of broadest sense.

00:30:10:05 - 00:30:21:07

Luna

Beautiful. Yeah. If you had to articulate it, how would you say that? You are spreading ripples of love in the world right now?

00:30:21:09 - 00:30:46:12

Scott

I started this thing, at the end of March. This is me trying to remember anything about this year, which seems to be, the subtext. It needs to be. It was a spring solstice, actually, now that I remember, I started sending limited voice notes to about 6 to 8 people telling them how grateful I am for them.

00:30:46:14 - 00:31:23:17

Scott

Not prompted. And telling them what they mean to me in my life and how their existence, within my kind of social sphere. Made me grateful for them. And a lot of people. Yeah, a lot of people, got back to me, I think more surprised that this kind of like that they received anything. A friend of mine was worried that I was, being very suicidal, but I put they put the rest to, put their concerns at ease.

00:31:23:18 - 00:31:36:02

Scott

I it's I mean, this is like letting people know how grateful other people are is kind of. I don't think a lot of people realize just how important they are in people's worlds. Even when you're not seeing someone on a regular basis.

00:31:36:04 - 00:31:38:05

Luna

Yeah.

00:31:38:07 - 00:32:06:08

Scott

You know, we're always shaped by the people around us and where we are and what we've done in our past. And it's definitely something that I want to continue to do, to let people know that I am grateful for them, for how they've affected my life and their involvement in my life, because that itself has that knock on effect of I'm bringing them joy because they're realizing something about themselves that they probably don't think about.

00:32:06:10 - 00:32:32:07

Scott

Yeah, or aren't aware of. I did I did recently say to my partner, over what about voice messages that I definitely see myself to be, this big old wet boulders, what we call Earth. To bring joy to people. My purpose is joy.

00:32:32:09 - 00:32:32:22

Luna

00:32:32:23 - 00:32:33:23

Scott

00:32:35:01 - 00:32:37:04

Luna

Yeah. Wow.

00:32:37:09 - 00:32:58:00

Scott

And whatever that looks and, you know, I think that's really, you know, special to me, the fact that that's kind of one day I just click in the place I was like, I'm happy with what I do in my job. I'm happy with what I do my life. But as long as I'm bringing joy to people and, you know, putting a smile on their face on a day they might not be smiling, etc., that's that's important.

00:32:58:05 - 00:33:23:06

Scott

That's, that's also another, you know, going back to the overall I can see that's also a thing of love. It's like. By then being joyful, does that allow them to love themselves more? Does that allow them to love other people more? Do we start spreading love this way through acts of being grateful by being just joyful by kind of, you know, planting a seed of happiness into someone and watching it grow up.

00:33:23:08 - 00:33:45:04

Luna

Spreading ripples of love, seeds of love, flames of love through joy. That is next level. Where did you get the idea to share those voice memos and share those gratitudes out loud? Also, doesn't it speak to our beautiful culture that you know, I received the same thing of like when I share a great wonderfulness, people are like, are you okay?

00:33:45:05 - 00:33:55:01

Luna

You know, because it's because it's not necessarily the norm. But but what gave you kind of the spark to start sharing in that way? What what beautiful ripples of love? I just had a comment. Wow.

00:33:55:03 - 00:34:08:15

Scott

Honestly, I'd have to say it. It was just an unprompted moment, like out in this, sunny spring day. As I was walking around, I just picked my for a minute. Okay.

00:34:08:17 - 00:34:09:08

Luna

I love that.

00:34:09:13 - 00:34:24:03

Scott

These are the people I would reach out to right now. Like, listen to my brain. One thing I've learned as I've, kind of in the last year or so is this is my brain follow follow up my heart and my mind is telling me because I not.

00:34:24:05 - 00:34:35:19

Luna

Yeah. Damn. Like a calling from your joyful purpose. That's beautiful. Yeah. Do you feel ready to transition into more personal, sexy topics?

00:34:35:21 - 00:34:38:04

Scott

Oh, God. Yeah. Let's go.

00:34:38:06 - 00:34:38:13

Luna

Okay.

00:34:38:13 - 00:34:39:14

Scott

Transition away.

00:34:39:20 - 00:35:03:19

Luna

Yeah. If you had to rate yourself on a sexual shame, a meter with ten being so full of shame and zero being like, I don't have any word. Where do you fall today? Right now? 4 or 5. Okay. When if ever, does it get squiggly and or maybe give us a overview of your shame coast or throughout your life usually.

00:35:03:21 - 00:35:34:08

Scott

It kind of squiggles shame wise. Probably. With, sex with people I know who have got this previous perception of me. I think it's a it's kind of the weird shame that's connected this axis is why I mean, this is kind of why I'm in sex therapy at its most basics currently, but, probably just before. Yeah.

00:35:34:08 - 00:35:37:12

Scott

Let's say we had probably just before penetration.

00:35:37:14 - 00:35:41:02

Luna

Really. It goes up. Yeah. Or down.

00:35:41:04 - 00:35:41:23

Scott

It goes up.

00:35:42:01 - 00:35:42:19

Luna

Okay.

00:35:42:21 - 00:35:53:07

Scott

Well that's my brain. Unless I'm like Add it's in the more like a less contextually everything is like that at least 90%. Wow. It will go up.

00:35:53:07 - 00:36:06:17

Luna

Yeah okay. What about like out in the world when it just comes up as a topic, do you notice differences between like if you're with this group of friends versus that group of friends and maybe we talk about family here.

00:36:06:19 - 00:36:18:10

Scott

Well, let's split the family. I don't think apart from my sisters, I don't think any of my family have like.

00:36:18:12 - 00:36:39:07

Scott

The kind of birds and the bees conversation never came about from my parents. And that's just kind of like how it was. It was just I was I'm the eldest of three. I have two sisters. And I was also somewhat very late to the whole, you know, getting sexy, same kind of game.

00:36:39:08 - 00:36:43:10

Luna

Wait, what's late for you, though? Give us a definition.

00:36:43:12 - 00:36:47:14

Scott

Oh, I mean, I, I lost my virginity when I was 20.

00:36:47:16 - 00:36:53:20

Luna

Okay. Which I do. It's it's I was trying.

00:36:53:22 - 00:37:02:13

Scott

The issue is I say that and then I'm like, there's, there's I mean, you know, it's shameful because I think it's shameful. It's not shameful because it's a late situation.

00:37:02:15 - 00:37:16:12

Luna

Right? Right. You know, but that's why we talk about it. Because also shame is different for all of us. And it lives. It's so sneaky. It comes up so it looks like so many things.

00:37:16:14 - 00:37:24:06

Scott

So yeah. So with family, pretty much, old relatives. Shame. Probably sits at 8 or 10.

00:37:24:08 - 00:37:27:00

Luna

Okay.

00:37:27:02 - 00:37:39:14

Scott

Only recently did I even tell all relatives, who are religious Catholics, that I had a partner who was referred to, he, them.

00:37:39:16 - 00:37:40:10

Luna

00:37:40:12 - 00:38:07:03

Scott

So he, they. Sorry. But friends in the last year and especially listen to podcasts. So to read I openly talk about stuff more and more now but more sex about more engagement because that's the way I'm dealing with getting rid of the shame. You know, the idea that we have to be close, and and not talk about sex.

00:38:07:09 - 00:38:14:14

Scott

Yeah. And only have those, like, behind closed doors definitely has built that shame up because I'm like, I feel dirty for what I'm doing.

00:38:14:19 - 00:38:36:21

Luna

Yes. And I believe that causes harm. So I believe that you being willing to be increasingly open for your comfort. Right. We want to we want to kind of find our edges, but not our selves. It's like, like destroy ourselves with discomfort. But I, I believe that is also a beautiful offering of spreading ripples of love. So I just want to highlight and underline how awesome that is.

00:38:36:23 - 00:38:41:00

Luna

How has not been for you. It's.

00:38:41:02 - 00:39:09:05

Scott

It's been very, enlightening. It's kind of the classic lifting the weight off the shoulders, talking about it, engaging more with my, like, with sex, with how I feel, where I am, with who I love, who I want to be with my partners. Kind of engaging with that more has done the beautiful thing of just, like, lifting me, you know, my shield.

00:39:09:05 - 00:39:23:14

Scott

I'm not as tense as I usually used to be. And it's a noticeable thing. I've had so many people being like, you know, this tense. It used to be you seem lighter and happier. It's like, oh, consciously. I was in a way that these were issues I was having.

00:39:23:16 - 00:39:24:08

Luna

Right.

00:39:24:10 - 00:39:53:21

Scott

You know, I was where I was tense because I just was like, oh, I'm a stressful person, but kind of slowly picking away at that shame and opening up and really just being like, oh. Talking about sex and just engage in conversation is not shameful. It's in fact educational. It's, you know, it's enlightening. It's like it connects people at a level where a lot of us can kind of be like, oh, yeah, I've had this problem.

00:39:53:21 - 00:40:22:08

Scott

All yes, or I've done this thing. And what did you think of this? Oh, I've had this experience. And you suddenly realize that in this area where you start talking about relationships and polyamory and sex, a lot of people certainly are more willing to just open up about everything. Yeah, I'm more willing to, like, be more vulnerable with each other and then comes back to, you know, which is a beautiful thing to see.

00:40:22:10 - 00:40:35:00

Scott

It's a beautiful thing to engage with because it's like, okay, now we're all feeling connected through our vulnerabilities and it's not different abilities. It's just like you're picking away, you're teasing the edges.

00:40:35:01 - 00:40:47:06

Luna

Yeah, yeah, everyday vulnerability and the connection that comes from that. What is Scott's definition of sexy today? What is sexy to you?

00:40:47:08 - 00:41:12:07

Scott

Sexy to me is a it's definitely. And something I've realized is it's very much a prolonged teasing. I, I, I'm very big. And I told my partner when I recently saw them, I was like, okay, we need a few if we're going to, if we are going to, you know, get down to some eight, it has to start early on the day.

00:41:12:07 - 00:41:33:12

Scott

Just tease away. Let's have that kind of like brush. Let's have that kind of just intimate kiss or like smile as you pull away or lingering around the lips because then my brain begins to, like, actively, you know, like, oh, we're building up to something. We're getting very like it is essentially mental edging.

00:41:33:13 - 00:41:41:05

Luna

Is it activates the dopamine circuits and it creates the curiosity of like, we I want to oh, oh, oh. Beautiful.

00:41:41:07 - 00:42:06:00

Scott

Yeah. I also I mean also in the, in the sexy today situation dressing up I've, I've it's my day off correctly but I've put on a really nice outfit because I was like, I want to be sexy today. Oh, like today is all about embracing sexiness, all about embracing how I feel about myself and sex and love and relationships.

00:42:06:02 - 00:42:11:00

Scott

I'm not going anywhere in particular, but I'm still dressed up. Flirt. I've been here for myself again. This is self-love.

00:42:11:05 - 00:42:31:21

Luna

Yeah, yeah. Damn. That's awesome. How do you. I'm not much of a clothes person like. For me, self-love is like, can I be naked? But. But I'm also like, learning about that kind of appreciation through I guess I think of it as like the package of clothing. What type of clothes for yourself to wear make you feel sexy?

00:42:31:23 - 00:43:03:08

Scott

I love a shirt, a shirt button three quarters down, my chest hair out, these necklaces that I'm, I wasn't a big fan of jewelry until recently, and I'm just like, now that I'm wearing my shirts so open, achieving the more sexy and embracing my body more, you know, I need to start framing it better. I need to put some, you know, necklaces on to, like, draw the eye.

00:43:03:10 - 00:43:26:07

Scott

I've started dying my hair more often. Just as another like I never used I was again, this goes back to something earlier. Very much an early childhood and the concept of day. My hair when in the mid to late 90s, frosted tips were a big thing. I don't know if there was so much in America. My mother was, like, doing frosted tips.

00:43:26:07 - 00:43:50:17

Scott

I was like, no, not at all. And now I'm like, color my hair blue, green, purple. Go for it, I love it, I love the intensity of the color. I love the, you know, kind of pulling yourself out of the crowd. Me like I am sexy because I've done this to myself. Everything I've done is a way to feel and be sexy.

00:43:50:18 - 00:43:57:23

Scott

I don't get me wrong. I do love, at the end of the day, just getting naked, throw myself into bed and being like, I'm good now.

00:43:58:01 - 00:44:17:03

Luna

Yeah, but I think there is something to contrast, right? Like if I never wore clothes, I couldn't appreciate so much how my body feels when they are off. Like, that's part of the freedom. And I'm, you know, I'm very sensual oriented human, you know, and also when I'm like, home alone all day, just in a robe, it it isn't as exciting to just, like, flop it off and crawl into bed, you know?

00:44:17:03 - 00:44:19:04

Luna

So it's like, I like the contrast there.

00:44:19:06 - 00:44:26:21

Scott

Oh, yeah. Sorry. It kind of. It's the unpaid to unpacking again as you kind of, you know, you're saying, as you said earlier, the pack that you kind of packed into these clothes. It's like.

00:44:26:21 - 00:44:28:01

Luna

Totally.

00:44:28:03 - 00:44:42:01

Scott

Also I always find especially in intimate like intimate sex situations, the Undressing Again buttons are so good for that. It's the every button constantly.

00:44:42:03 - 00:44:42:10

Luna

Yeah.

00:44:42:15 - 00:44:59:10

Scott

You know, that becomes kind of like, yeah, it's the teasing of like a button comes off a button. The belt, this comes off. You know, I feel if I was walking around in a robe and then we suddenly just like, let's go, the robe is off. There's kind of there's there's no, like, the foreplay for me just then it's.

00:44:59:15 - 00:45:23:13

Luna

I know, I know, it's it's anticlimactic. However, this was a lesson I had to have a friend who was my lover about a decade ago explicitly explained to me because I'm sort of a, like, get naked immediately person, you know, like, I'm so excited. Especially when I'm like, oh my God, I'm with a person and I could be naked now I'm allowed, you know, until I would like, like, I want to get as naked as possible as fast as possible.

00:45:23:13 - 00:45:47:06

Luna

And I continue to practice the art of the tease. You know, tease is something I've been thinking about a lot since March, like the last couple months. I'm like, what is teasing? Wait. Sometimes I get called a tease and it sounds like a bad name. Sometimes it sounds like a good name. What's, you know, so, like, really finding the pleasure of the unwrapping, like you've said, is something that I continue to forget about.

00:45:47:06 - 00:46:04:22

Luna

And even so, I told you before we started recording, I've been getting into playing with people on sex different, the right, so people will pay to call me to have at the end. And I love like the submissive parts, me love getting told what to do. And so you know, I had a play friend the other night who was like, I want to see you take your top off.

00:46:05:00 - 00:46:18:20

Luna

And I was like, okay. And I just like started to go for like, slow down, wait, wait, wait. And I was like already like half of, like my boobs were out. I was like, oh, okay. Right, right, right. You know, and so I'm like, I fucking love the amount of support that I'm receiving and remembering to undress slowly, you know?

00:46:19:01 - 00:46:29:16

Luna

And I've taken the pole dancing classes and I still just have to. Well, maybe what I have to do is get things with more buttons so that I'm thinking maybe that maybe that.

00:46:29:18 - 00:46:58:15

Scott

Shouldn't be a problem. Technically I do. I do enjoy good sex. I am, I am very much, going on just because use again spark the sexting mind. I love sexting, so that's also another form of long teasing. Yes. Many times across America, I used to have a Snapchat that was solely just for sexting, nudes and masturbating with, people across to America.

00:46:58:15 - 00:47:00:07

Scott

And it was.

00:47:00:09 - 00:47:00:13

Luna

It.

00:47:00:13 - 00:47:20:13

Scott

Was delightful. I've, I've, I've experienced, and I'm very curious, maybe when it comes to like, kinks and again, being together, if a, if is a partner or lover, I'm with, has a specific kink, I be like, you got it, I have I can do that for you. I'll talk. That's you want you want to do that?

00:47:20:13 - 00:47:21:18

Scott

We can do that. Let's go.

00:47:21:20 - 00:47:26:17

Luna

And it turns you on to do that. Or is it like a service? Like how do you kind of, like, feel it?

00:47:26:18 - 00:47:31:08

Scott

It turns me on because I, you know, I get into that mindset as well.

00:47:31:08 - 00:47:46:10

Luna

Yeah. I have a highly responsive desire to, to steal a phrase from Emily Nagasaki from coming your butt like, like, like when I find out someone is into a thing and I can fulfill that thing, I'm like, oh, got you. So, like, I really relate to that.

00:47:46:12 - 00:48:05:15

Scott

Yeah. But yeah, sexting is going back to the sex of a is definitely something that was has allowed me to experience a lot of kinks, and take them off and go, okay, well, this kind of is a, I was doing, Finn.

00:48:05:17 - 00:48:06:12

Luna

00:48:06:14 - 00:48:28:12

Scott

Financial reset as a submissive. Let me tell you, if it was as much as I don't really have much of a expendable income. Yeah, it was just like someone asking for money. I was like, I shouldn't be doing this. But me not wanting to do this is making this that little bit more hot.

00:48:28:14 - 00:48:30:05

Luna

Really?

00:48:30:07 - 00:48:49:16

Scott

Yeah. I think it's the it's kind of like it's the concept of the shame of me doing it. Okay. That makes it like the fine line of, like the shame of me doing it makes it kind of hot, which then kind of makes it. And then that cycle continues and then it's like, okay, well, we're done here. Now I'm going to get up and go for a walk.

00:48:49:18 - 00:49:08:18

Luna

That's great. I mean, I it's something that I am very new to and I have a money kink. It turns me on. It turns me on to feel concretely valued because of the sheer number of messages and like, like highly expectations messages from people that to me are complete strangers. But they, you know, I've been in their ear forever.

00:49:08:18 - 00:49:31:13

Luna

So they're like, why is my friend? I get to stalk her now? And I'm like, well, just because I'm into a something doesn't mean that I'm into something with anyone who expects it. Right? And it's that expectation of me off. And now that I've been dabbling more in online sex work and Sex Panther and things like that, I've started to come across in subs and I'm very much in the process of learning to hold space for that.

00:49:31:13 - 00:49:55:00

Luna

And for me, it becomes a question of ethics, right? Because on the one hand, it fucking turns me on because when someone gives me money for sex related things, and this is true of podcast advertisers as much as it is, it is anyone on my OnlyFans. Right? Like it's it. It turns me on. So much to receive that concrete value.

00:49:55:01 - 00:50:17:16

Luna

Because also what it is for me is someone saying, I'm willing to invest in your artistry. I see value in, you know, and and then there's also the like being worshiped as a goddess, being worshiped in these ways. And then there's also the part of me that is still unpacking the receiving and wants to take care of that person, especially if I'm in a dominant position.

00:50:17:18 - 00:50:36:21

Luna

And so, like learning from my lady friends were like, no, no, no, I love draining pay piggies and they need it and we're getting off in this way. It's something I'm still wrapping my head around. And you're actually the first person that I've had, like an outside conversation with about this. Who's not in the fin dom situation. So how do you like, would you like set a limit for yourself?

00:50:36:21 - 00:50:43:00

Luna

Would you hit a point like how did you make sure that it was like yummy for you?

00:50:43:01 - 00:51:01:00

Scott

I'd set limits. I would set a limit. And, To a degree, kind of. Do a valuation of the amount they're asking for. This is the time because it's still it's a transaction. So.

00:51:01:01 - 00:51:01:08

Luna

Yeah.

00:51:01:10 - 00:51:20:09

Scott

Like at the end of the day, to me, as much as I was like, it was getting me hot and bothered, you know, if it was, if they were asking for I think the most I will say the most, I think I've given to someone who is actually a friend to I was supporting, in sex work was $150.

00:51:20:11 - 00:51:21:16

Luna

00:51:21:18 - 00:51:31:21

Scott

But on average through a session, I'm going to say $80 is the most I'd be willing to give.

00:51:31:23 - 00:51:34:16

Luna

Is it like in little pieces, like, what's the most fun?

00:51:34:18 - 00:51:52:20

Scott

It's it's a little pieces. It's a little pieces. Yeah. It's the whole cat and mouse. Kind of like, okay, chase. And I've like, it's a transaction because they're asking for stuff we're showing, we're trading, etc., etc..

00:51:52:22 - 00:52:24:19

Luna

What are your favorite ways to be asked? And also, I've been noodling a lot about transactional relationships because I, I'm trying to understand them honestly, and I didn't for me transaction means clarity. So both parties are ideally getting exactly what they want. And for me, all relationships come with underlying assumptions of human connection. And I feel so slow sometimes because I'm just learning that that's not the case for a lot of people, and that that word transaction for many people means explicitly that there is like a big emotional boundary.

00:52:24:19 - 00:52:36:00

Luna

And so I've been like. Working to learn to notice the differences. So I would love to hear like what ways of asking or hot or fun for you.

00:52:36:02 - 00:52:44:03

Scott

I think the idea that, if was getting the Dom aroused.

00:52:44:05 - 00:52:44:19

Luna

Yeah.

00:52:44:21 - 00:52:54:15

Scott

And then the kind of the building up of that moment, I don't think that. I mean, I don't think they specifically were asking in a specific way that I can, like, recall off the top of my head right now.

00:52:54:20 - 00:52:56:00

Luna

That makes sense.

00:52:56:02 - 00:53:22:13

Scott

But again, it's like, you know, it's if the stars align, I should, I will. Yeah, this is like if I'm horny right now and they also happen to be on, then this is going to be a great experience. I guess I'm horny and they're not on or not like connecting in that way that it's like, okay, well I'm just going to, you know, jerk off and call it a day myself.

00:53:22:15 - 00:53:29:01

Scott

But it's again, that's kind of like I'd say on the peripheral of, kinks that I kind of.

00:53:29:06 - 00:53:30:15

Luna

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

00:53:30:17 - 00:53:55:08

Scott

Like experienced because I think, I mean, that's the thing I said, I've said to myself is like, you know, I'm I'm a curious individual. I'm very curious. And therefore, if I can experience, I don't think there as many kinks I would not try. There is definitely like a handful that I would say, you know what I can tell even before we go into this, it's just not going to be for me.

00:53:55:10 - 00:54:12:00

Scott

But, you know, how are we supposed to experience life if we say no to, you know, someone like this one kink that everyone seems to like? Do you go, okay, I'll try it. And if I try it and I like it, great. Add it to my, you know, add it to my list of things that I can do I love.

00:54:12:00 - 00:54:22:14

Scott

And if not, then it's like, okay, well, I've tried it. I can say, you know what? I've done it. It's not for me. I'll move on to the next thing.

00:54:22:19 - 00:54:42:12

Luna

Totally, totally. Yeah, I do like to try things multiple times, just to be sure. I mean, I also have not had a situation where I've had such a visceral know of something I have been willing to try right there. Certain things that I do have limits around, obviously. I would love to hear what you feel like you are the best at sex wise, and how you learned about it.

00:54:42:13 - 00:54:54:01

Luna

You know, I heard you talk about giving. I don't know if that's the broadest category for you or if there's anything specific where you just feel like sexually you shine.

00:54:54:03 - 00:55:05:04

Scott

It will be. It will come down to giving. Giving is is the is the is the thing I love going down on anyone.

00:55:05:06 - 00:55:12:16

Luna

Oh okay. Relate. Yes. What do you love about it? Yeah. Tell us details.

00:55:12:18 - 00:55:43:17

Scott

I'm very much I love the taste. I am such, like taste and individual. Like a person's scent as well is really alluring to me. I wouldn't say I'm, like, too much into musk, but, like, you know, the scent of an individual. Just like, once you attach that smell and identity to that person, you're like, oh, my God, this is arousing me.

00:55:43:19 - 00:55:51:04

Scott

I'm pretty much making sure the other person comes is like priority number one for me.

00:55:51:06 - 00:55:52:04

Luna

00:55:52:06 - 00:56:20:08

Scott

This kind of also links back to like, my sex therapy is like I have been working on, like I, I've not been able to if I'm thinking too much. Sorry, orgasmic for me is just like as an ejaculation, just non-existent for me. Yeah, I can, I can, I can go for, for a hot tub, you know a minute, but if it's too much in the brain, I'm like, I'm not going to come like it's, you know, it's just not going to be the way it is.

00:56:20:08 - 00:56:21:08

Scott

Sadly.

00:56:21:10 - 00:56:43:04

Luna

I'm so glad. I just want to interrupt you to say, I am so glad that you mentioned that, because for a lot of my penis owning partners, that is the case. And I have had an increased amount of those experiences in recent years because of this work that I do, because I am who I am. And so I am making people nervous just with my mere existence.

00:56:43:04 - 00:57:00:20

Luna

Even though I have a lot of enthusiasm, a lot of desire, and I have been, you know, witness to and holding space for these kind of like anxiety and or shame spirals. And if we have the time, I can usually like support someone in calming down in their body. But but what I hear over and over again for my partners is like, they think there's something wrong with them.

00:57:00:20 - 00:57:21:07

Luna

They think there's something weird about that. I'm on like, no. Also, like anxiety is rampant in our current world, like because of the situation of the world were exposed so much more than a human brain was designed to be exposed to screens. Do a number on us in the United States, like the food that we eat doesn't necessarily have nutrients.

00:57:21:07 - 00:57:44:05

Luna

So people are very out of balance metabolically. We're not necessarily moving as much. We're not outdoors as much. So like the animal body for many people is under a lot of stress. And unless we go out of our way to make some like important life changes that go against the grain of societal norms, and so then, you know, you add to that my enthusiasm and what I'm told is my great beauty.

00:57:44:07 - 00:58:01:10

Luna

And suddenly they're like, concerned that their penises don't work. And I'm like, well, actually working to me, that my definition of working is are you willing to be here, present with me? Are you willing to let go of that? You know, so I just I just kind of wanted to highlight that because I also love playing with cork of any softness or hardness.

00:58:01:12 - 00:58:22:12

Luna

And I also know that, like for anyone with any genitals, like we all want to have good arousing feelings. And I know that I want to feel that feeling of quote unquote success. Right. And I too have kind of trained myself to like, make pleasure and not orgasm. The goal that's from Suzanne many episodes ago is that I chase your pleasure, not your orgasm.

00:58:22:12 - 00:58:45:10

Luna

And I think about that all the time. And I always share that with people because that has been like just that frame of mind will allow me to be surprised in pleasure rather than, you know, the anxiety spiral. So I just want to thank you for bringing that up because I want to make sure that people know that that is truly, extremely normal.

00:58:45:12 - 00:59:21:01

Scott

Yeah. I mean, this is you know, this is the the thing is learning that our bodies are doing the normal thing consistently and we are not, you know, the oddball in a pack. No, we are. And this is, again, this kind of goes back to why I'm doing the therapy. It's kind of it really helps me reinforce the knowledge that I am normal and what I've seen and what I've learned and what I've heard about is, you know, cases on the outskirts of, you know, porn is done in such a way that it's made to look, you know, big part quick.

00:59:21:01 - 00:59:37:06

Scott

It's like, yes, no, yes, we are all nope, everyone is normal. We are just all again, the Gorski who is I will forever refer to, we all, we just were normal and we're just all built differently. Yeah, and that's just normal. The same things.

00:59:37:06 - 01:00:02:07

Luna

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah. And just to to reflect on porn, because I now have a number of friends who are in, like, porn stars, adult industry, you know, just like actors in regular movies, actors feel an immense amount of feelings that the everyday person is like not going to experience because it takes work and training, and it really is the Olympics of an elite sport, right?

01:00:02:07 - 01:00:27:16

Luna

Like, you know, it's just funny because people when they're watching a football game, they don't necessarily expect that they should be able to do that. And maybe that's because there's more of a narrative around muscles and training and all of that. But it's like porn is just a different version of that. And yet again, a lot of the penis owners, especially now on Sex Panther, they want to know how their cocks measure up, you know, and most people who think that they're small, I'm like, well, you would have to warm me up before fucking me vigorously.

01:00:27:16 - 01:00:41:07

Luna

I'm like, you want to stab my cervix, right? You know, but they're used to seeing like a certain size. I'm thinking everyone is a size queen. And then that narrative gets kind of furthered in a lot of comedy specials or a lot of, you know, like the just the way that we talk about it, it's kind of wild.

01:00:41:07 - 01:01:06:18

Luna

Yeah. And I and I just will say that, like, in my own personal experience, few data points like I've really had to put in a lot more effort to train partners who take their dicks for granted because of size, because the overall I'm just saying, I mean, without fail, they've been the lazier lovers like, you know, and that's not to say that there aren't partners out there with like, nice talk for the good level, but it's like but but it has.

01:01:06:23 - 01:01:29:09

Luna

I've had to sort of like teach them how to not make me like, cough and like die about my service. So, so all of that is to say, I love that you are doing the work to kind of like, normalize and embrace sex everything for yourself. And I love that you are sharing that with us. How else have you learned about sex in your life?

01:01:29:09 - 01:01:44:09

Luna

Like you didn't get a talk from your parents. You are like educating yourself now. What gaps feel important to fill in, whether that's with partners from school? Like what experiences do you feel that you've learned the most from in your sexual upbringing.

01:01:44:11 - 01:01:52:00

Scott

Against school or high's high school? Again, very rudimentary basis of the sex education.

01:01:52:02 - 01:01:52:08

Luna

Yeah.

01:01:52:14 - 01:02:21:03

Scott

You know, I think I recall we didn't even we didn't even get to do it ourselves. But like a teacher with a banana and a condom, you know, okay, that was the class. Like the basics, the absolute basics. And then biology itself, teaching us about the sexual organs in male and female bodies and then having that, it kind of went all quiet on the Western Front for a long time.

01:02:21:05 - 01:02:55:20

Scott

I started looking at porn. I suppose my curiosity started around my late teens, when I was home alone with the family laptop. The family computer. Sorry. And, you know, checking out porn through that, you know, back in the early 2000, the internet was a lawless place for everyone, for everything as well. And then eventually, just through, I think, really enjoying watching penetration.

01:02:55:22 - 01:03:28:09

Scott

Yeah. Just kind of suddenly was looking at the entire scope of that through, penis to vagina, penis to, ass, gay, bi straight, kind of looking at everything and probably not really being to, like, being very desensitized just by the internet. That wasn't really taking into consideration what I was watching. And then my first partner, we both lost our Virginia to the guy, but which is again a nice trope as well.

01:03:28:11 - 01:03:29:23

Luna

Very romantic, but.

01:03:30:01 - 01:03:54:19

Scott

Very romantic to to keep to the theme. So like sex then was, you know, we kind of just roughly read about it because neither of us had the experience that was needed for us to kind of understand if this was good or bad. So, yeah. And then after that, I think it's just, again, a lot of, a lot of porn.

01:03:54:19 - 01:04:16:02

Scott

Porn really played a lot of understanding, which they kind of, you know, probably if we're gonna if I'm going to psychoanalysis myself, it's a, you know, probably where this whole shame on, shame on penis erections ejaculation came from, from just years of watching, mindless porn.

01:04:16:04 - 01:04:17:09

Luna

Down.

01:04:17:11 - 01:04:20:16

Scott

My list for myself. Of course, the actress was. It was a good job.

01:04:20:18 - 01:04:44:18

Luna

Well, I mean, I would say you have you were one of the most mindful sounding penis owners I've spoken with in quite a while. And also, how can we be anything but mindless when we do not receive the training? Certainly around porn, but about around anything on a screen, which it does have addictive qualities, right? Like and when we the way our little human brains are wired, we are dopamine seekers.

01:04:44:18 - 01:04:54:23

Luna

We're curiosity, you know, finders. And so it's like that. It makes total sense because it's designed to just keep us in the loop, clicking more and more, more, more, more.

01:04:55:04 - 01:05:13:19

Scott

Exactly. You know, I, it's it's that kind of like technology era that I myself learned was just, again, the click of a button, anything and everything and getting lost deep into Google searches. Or back in the day. Ask Jeeves, I suppose.

01:05:13:21 - 01:05:20:20

Luna

Yeah. I remember Jeeves. I love Jeeves to Jeeves.

01:05:20:22 - 01:05:43:12

Scott

But yeah, and that's kind of, you know, when I embraced my queerness by moving over here and experimenting with that, you know, I'm slowly unpacking stuff and learning more about sex. I wouldn't say I would consider myself as a bad sexual partner, but I know for a fact in my times, in the past, I could have been better.

01:05:43:12 - 01:06:03:12

Scott

I could have been more engaged, I could have been. And then with the society that's building up, it's like, where did this anxiety come from? When did my issue start arising? And trying to find what point of sex has caused the issues? I'd be.

01:06:03:12 - 01:06:35:05

Luna

Happy. Yeah, yeah. I would love to hear a little bit about your like specifically the parts where you have been discovering your own turn ons and turn offs. Right. It sounds like, I don't know, was there inspiration from porn. Was it largely through partnered interaction. Like give us a little bit of a framing of that kind of landscape and then like if you want to work into it, like getting to pressure play and maybe specifics of queerness, but I just want to hear about how you learned about you more specifically.

01:06:35:07 - 01:07:01:21

Scott

I definitely learned about myself through partner play. I think I've definitely been able to realistically know that porn is porn, and it's there for entertainment and value to be watched and enjoyed at your own leisure and therefore seeing stuff going on there. Great stuff. What some of it what I do in my personal life, probably not. But that's the joy.

01:07:01:21 - 01:07:14:17

Scott

It's it's an entertaining, you know, thing to watch and engage with. Especially when you're, you know, it's 3:00 in the morning and you're horny as hell.

01:07:14:18 - 01:07:39:10

Scott

But finding all these kinks of definitely being a, like, a learn as I go with sexual partners. And again, just going down on someone is something that I can like. My brain can mindlessly and not mindlessly, but like, turn off and be like, I'm enjoying this. I could be down here for, you know, check in with me in an hour's time and I'll be fine, kind of situation.

01:07:39:12 - 01:07:52:12

Luna

Really, I get lost in time like that, too. Like one time I was giving a partner a blowjob, and we were very safe. It was a freeway. There was cruise control, but we had, like, an hour's drive ahead of us. And then we, like, I felt the momentum of the vehicle change, and I was like, what are we doing?

01:07:52:12 - 01:07:57:23

Luna

He's like, we're here. And I was like, does this.

01:07:58:01 - 01:07:59:06

Scott

Not is quite out?

01:07:59:08 - 01:08:15:14

Luna

I mean, it was it was very hot and but but then I was like, no, it's over. So it's just time like go away for you. Are you tracking like, how and are you just lost in sensation. Like what is it actually like for you when you're in that deeply giving, worshipful? I don't know if that's me projecting.

01:08:15:14 - 01:08:18:09

Luna

Is it worshipful for you? How do you kind of conceive of it or experience it?

01:08:18:09 - 01:08:43:03

Scott

I'd say I'd say it. It's, you know, it's it's workable in the sense that, it's almost especially with the partners I've been with, which I've really enjoyed giving. It's it's almost like a, you know, in a kind of recess in my brain. It's like it's a frank it's like a thank you for giving me this body. Like, thank you for allowing me to be with you and letting me enjoy you right now.

01:08:43:05 - 01:09:03:06

Scott

And it might not be something that I verbally say, but the fact that, you know, down there losing track of time, it becomes almost like it's kind of like a soft reset for if anything's. It has also built up for me, like being able to just, you know, take the attention away from the penis to me and then focusing on my lips again.

01:09:03:08 - 01:09:23:13

Scott

My partner's body is like, great. I don't have to think about this now. I can do a soft reset of myself. Got my own pace. Yeah. Here. Moons get pleasure. There's nothing more hard for me than seeing someone moan. And orgasm is just like, French kiss. Chef's kiss. Sorry. Such gifts. I always do this French kiss.

01:09:23:15 - 01:09:30:19

Luna

A chef's kiss, right? Okay, maybe a maybe a French chef's kiss. Is that, is that like. Oh, I don't know.

01:09:30:20 - 01:09:33:23

Scott

So a lot of tongue everywhere I can.

01:09:33:23 - 01:09:37:12

Luna

It's like coming out of the mouth. That's beautiful.

01:09:37:14 - 01:10:12:22

Scott

Yeah. This ties into pressure play, which is one of those loops where it's like it's definitely relating to the tension I used to have and my stress I used to have. And one time I, my partner, they were on top and I and they just pressed down, just next to my shoulders, like in to my, like to sort of my collarbone, and, and mixture of them being on top and the pressure being applied to me and just connecting eyes as well.

01:10:12:22 - 01:10:28:02

Scott

I was like, this suddenly is the hardest thing that has happened to me in the last decade. Let's keep going. Press harder. I want to be bruised. I want to see bruises tomorrow morning where you've literally pressed down into my skin.

01:10:28:04 - 01:10:47:08

Luna

I am so into the same thing, and I literally have been recently asking partners to, like, lay on me or squish me. You know, when people of all body sizes to to the point where I'm like, no, yes, I'll be okay. I'll tell you if I'm feeling too crushed. But I love receiving that pressure. I also literally have a bruise on my arm right now from a massage that I got over the weekend.

01:10:47:10 - 01:11:07:03

Luna

And, you know, because I went in and I was like, I was like, I really like sensation I. I didn't say it because that would be weird. But I was like, I really enjoy firm pressure. Like, I can handle. Yeah, that's great. And so you have partners, little dude. So it's where do you like? Like what? So is it, is it mostly the same thing, like pressing down on this kind of like collarbone area or have you explored in different.

01:11:07:03 - 01:11:12:06

Luna

And do you have a weighted blanket like, like have you fucked under a weighted blanket? I have so many questions.

01:11:12:07 - 01:11:36:23

Scott

I have not such a weighted blanket actually. I'm again, this goes what you were just saying. Like, skin against skin and weight of someone Against me is absolutely amazing. It kind of really just it brings that connectivity, especially with a partner, especially my current partner. The love becomes like it's only, you know, physical, emotional, deep spiritual connecting of the two bodies swirling back and forth.

01:11:37:00 - 01:12:01:04

Scott

Oh, usually on the pressure points. It has just been under the collarbone. I do love marking as well. Yeah. Biting, scratching. I've had numerous partners in the past too. I've just, consensually scratched so much on the back. It's it's been, you know, scratching and blood has been drawn. It's, you know, even that is just a point of really just gets me going as well.

01:12:01:08 - 01:12:22:04

Luna

I really get it. I really get it. Yeah. I want to share a quick little story that I think you'll appreciate. One of the sensations that I love the most if I, Well, I'm saying penis and pussy pussy owner partners. But when someone has a penis that is attached to their body, like, skin wise, I love feeling the pressure whether I'm on top or bottom of the cock.

01:12:22:04 - 01:12:44:02

Luna

Like between us. Like not. I mean, yes, eventually when it goes in my pussy about to. But like on my leg, on my belly, on my thigh, you know, just feeling it on me and feeling that like that to me is so highly arousing. And I had a threesome about a month ago where one of our, one of my partners was very like body conscious.

01:12:44:04 - 01:13:02:13

Luna

And so me and my girlfriend were just like, kind of like doing a lot of praising, doing a lot of like planning because he was also very, very like game. But I had like kind of an I was like, would you please squish me? You know, I told him about how I love to get squished, and it was the first time that I had two people pile on top of me.

01:13:02:13 - 01:13:21:04

Luna

I was like, I've never been squished by two people at the same time. Like, you know? So we had him on me first, and then she got on top of him and it was so hot, like just feeling the pressure of all of that, you know? And I couldn't last as long as I can with like a single person because it becomes like a more, kind of like high heels, like an increased pressure point.

01:13:21:06 - 01:13:34:20

Luna

But holy fuck, I really, really love that. And I was, you know, as I was hearing you speak, I was like, I wonder if Scott would be into like, like a little puppy style situation, like, have you done group play? Like group pressure play could be on.

01:13:34:22 - 01:13:55:18

Scott

I have not done, I have not done group probably I've, I've pretty much. I'm group play full stop is something that I'm what I like to venture into. And it's been brought up numerous times by myself. In like concepts. But, again, it's finding that safe community, an environment in which that becomes comfortable and safe to do.

01:13:55:22 - 01:14:08:18

Luna

I still like connection. I don't like stranger. Play is still tough for me. I'm sort of like, could we at least talk? I don't need a deep, deep connection, but I do need a connection. I need a hello. I need some sort of like, if I'm a if I'm a replaceable body to someone I know that's really hot.

01:14:08:18 - 01:14:10:19

Luna

For some people, it's not for me.

01:14:10:21 - 01:14:29:14

Scott

Yeah. No, I'm very much a connective individual. Like, I need a connection with whoever I'm sleeping with, engaging with in any sort of sexual way. A lot of the people I love, my past, lovers, have been people I've known for at least six months.

01:14:29:16 - 01:14:30:19

Luna

Okay,

01:14:30:21 - 01:14:42:03

Scott

By just being in the same vicinity and engaging socially. Yeah. And then eventually it kind of just, you know, it just becomes, sexual interaction at that point.

01:14:42:05 - 01:15:03:12

Luna

I love that also. That inspires me. You know, I am so horny and sexual that I often, if I'm attracted to someone, I will get to the physical. And it's only through some of my more recent conversations that I'm learning how for some people, that. It almost ruins the level of connection that I want, right? Because I'm a connected person, but I can kind of continue to get to know someone physically.

01:15:03:12 - 01:15:26:04

Luna

But I'm realizing that allowing that slower burn is just a different kind of like evolution of the blooming of the relationship and the connection and goes to what you were saying earlier, I think about teasing, aside from praise and pressure or possibly expanding on those, what else do you like to receive from partners sex wise?

01:15:26:06 - 01:15:53:19

Scott

I'm very much a verbal person. I if a person, if I'm with a partner, I want to know they're enjoying it. I need like the sounds I need the feeling I need, like I need like all the sensations to be absolutely engaged in what is going on. Yeah. Yeah, I suppose, I suppose that comes that's a it's like prayers is definitely linked to that.

01:15:53:21 - 01:16:09:06

Scott

Myself and my and my partner, we have found this and I've not done this with anyone prior. But this beautiful just ability to switch roles during sex.

01:16:09:07 - 01:16:10:15

Luna

Okay.

01:16:10:17 - 01:16:50:18

Scott

Like, kind of going through dominant and submissive like phases of, the sex with each other, and it's never like it's unprompted. It's not kind of like, there's no like, like tap or anything. It's just like we just naturally find ourselves switching back and forth between these, kind of, I mean, switches essentially, by all accounts, but but dominant and submissive, them on top absolutely love more so because it's being able to feel myself and them together moving again comes down to pressure, comes down to having someone on top of me.

01:16:50:18 - 01:17:00:02

Scott

I think, which, you know, really continues to build up on the pressure. And, I keep thinking now about this weighted blanket you talked about. I was like, I wonder.

01:17:00:04 - 01:17:18:10

Luna

I'm so I would love to hear because that's one of my little fans. I don't have a weighted blanket yet, but I was like, I feel like I would really enjoy sucking under one of these because it is that kind of like containment. And I love that sensation. And it also there's something to me where I feel like it would evoke like secrecy or like sleep like that.

01:17:18:10 - 01:17:30:13

Luna

I guess I'm I'm learning. I have like a little secrecy kink. And so I'm like, what would it feel like? We're doing a secret under a heavy blanket. I don't know, you know, and I'm sure I would love the physical sensation, but I'm just like very curious about it. So if you try to love to hear.

01:17:30:15 - 01:17:31:23

Scott

I will. I will let you know for sure.

01:17:32:04 - 01:17:32:12

Luna

Okay.

01:17:32:17 - 01:17:37:16

Scott

I'm sure Riverfest will let you know.

01:17:37:18 - 01:17:49:22

Luna

I would love to hear just a little bit about your queer parts and kind of what it's been to explore yourself in that way in these last four years and what you've learned, what you've discovered, what you are learning wherever you want to take it.

01:17:50:00 - 01:18:12:18

Scott

I'm learning. Especially when I came out, I, it was a bit of a traumatic coming out, which is never a good way to go. But, the first, male partner that I went on a date with, I mentioned that it was going to be kind of like, secret, and I was comfortable. Yep. With, like, engaging and coming out.

01:18:12:20 - 01:18:14:22

Scott

Not because no one really knew me too well.

01:18:15:00 - 01:18:15:06

Luna

Yeah.

01:18:15:12 - 01:18:32:13

Scott

Maybe three dates in, So you know what? This isn't for me. I'm not happy to do this. We're not going to proceed. By which point you told people I'd known Klaus. So then that triggered my response of being like, okay, well, now I need to actively tell people and get it out in the world.

01:18:32:13 - 01:18:33:10

Luna

That this is.

01:18:33:15 - 01:18:58:22

Scott

An identity. But saying that I initially came out as bisexual, then I was like, that's terminology regardless is neither here nor there. And like, you know, you are who you are and you like, you like and that's the be all and end all of it. I think that the, introduction is pan pansexual. Everyone, anyone in between.

01:18:59:00 - 01:19:01:03

Scott

I will.

01:19:01:05 - 01:19:01:20

Luna

Love.

01:19:01:20 - 01:19:05:02

Scott

And enjoy in whatever form they want to be. Enjoy them.

01:19:05:04 - 01:19:05:19

Luna

01:19:05:21 - 01:19:18:10

Scott

But queer is the term I generally use. Yeah, across the board because of both of its connotations, is both sexual identity and also it's kind of old usage of like, he's a bit queer, like he's a bit weird.

01:19:18:12 - 01:19:19:09

Luna

Yeah.

01:19:19:11 - 01:19:23:05

Scott

So beautiful. It is so beautiful. Has it been a phrase I love?

01:19:23:05 - 01:19:30:06

Luna

I've lately been referring to myself as neuro queer because it it's everything.

01:19:30:08 - 01:20:03:11

Scott

But clear as queer as such a term that I find is that umbrella term that works for me. And I've had numerous partners since coming out as queer, in poly relationships, male, female, anything in between? The spectrum is more about connection to me. It's about connecting in such a specific way with an individual. Yeah, that makes the sex that slightly more elevated than if it was, as you say, with a stranger.

01:20:03:13 - 01:20:23:01

Luna

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know that's not for everyone, but it really is. You know, I feel like I can reach much more exciting, heightened places and share it when I have that connection. Right. And that's that's what I really, really love about it. And I mean, I've definitely been with partners where I'm like, I thought we had a connection.

01:20:23:01 - 01:20:41:16

Luna

And then once we get to the bedroom, it's like the curtain drops or the iron wall goes up and I'm like, oh no, where do they go? You know? And so that's that's where I'm like, oh shit, I don't know, you know that. And that is where my anxiety and panic can come up and, you know, like, like you've said, I've learned tools to kind of grounded to the moment or now I'm more likely to.

01:20:41:16 - 01:20:58:10

Luna

That was my coping mechanism back then. Now I'm a lot more likely to be like, whoa, hey, it feels like you disappeared. Are you here or do we want to keep doing this? I don't know you know, like a little, like, full stop and kind of like, back away or kind of like we go for the connection. What else is on your horizon?

01:20:58:10 - 01:21:13:00

Luna

I'm hearing possible connected group sex, but, like, what else are you curious? Curious to explore? You know, going forward? I'm hearing weighted blanket. I'm curious about that. But like, for me.

01:21:13:01 - 01:21:18:18

Scott

Honestly, I have been, thinking more and more about role play recently.

01:21:18:23 - 01:21:20:00

Luna

01:21:21:12 - 01:21:39:12

Scott

It's something that has kind of been on and off my mind. I did the classic thing of a few months ago getting my first love of raw, and then I was like right, I have rope now. Do I have the time to learn knots. Yeah. Oh do I have the time to do anything with this or do I just now have a nice piece of rope in my house?

01:21:39:13 - 01:21:55:19

Luna

Well, you can certainly take five minutes to learn a single or double column. I learn it and then forget it and then relearn it and then forget it. You know, I did, I did my first, like, I was at Kink Fest in Portland at the end of March. And so I got to go to dories, like there was a big space where everyone was there.

01:21:55:19 - 01:22:19:07

Luna

And one of my friends, I got to borrow her partner because she was working, and he is like a shibori dude, like invested in it. And it's a beautiful rope top. And, you know, she's like a pretty knowledgeable rope bottom. And so through them, I've really been able to see how much it has been. I don't know, but also, if you're a nerd, I mean, rope people are like some of my favorite sex nerds, you know?

01:22:19:07 - 01:22:29:22

Luna

And so that's especially if you're kind of like body aware and and. Yeah, I to have some nice rope in my wardrobe which is it's.

01:22:29:22 - 01:22:43:08

Scott

Again it's definitely something and as you say, like I could sit down and start learning the knots, but I am pretty much like you in that sense. I will learn it. And within two days I'll be like, I'm looking at rope. I don't understand how I did it, that's consistently loose this way.

01:22:43:11 - 01:23:04:06

Luna

It is tricky for my brain to like spatially. I sort of have. I mean, that's that's just something that I'll say I have to invest extra time in to keep, anything that's related to physical space, like I crash into walls if I'm not really paying attention to where I eat, you know? So it's like like watching something and repeating it is, is it takes a lot of repetition for me.

01:23:04:08 - 01:23:04:21

Luna

That's. Yeah.

01:23:04:23 - 01:23:06:05

Scott

And then it becomes a good habit.

01:23:06:05 - 01:23:11:20

Luna

So would you want to be a rope top? Would you also be open to being a rope bottom. I know that's the very.

01:23:11:20 - 01:23:33:14

Scott

Top or bottom I again, it comes down to the pressure on. Right? I mean, yeah, your rope I guess your skin, the feeling that also kind of entices me, learning how to do it for other people to enjoy that engagement as well entices me. You know, the classic, the going to a sex party full stop would be on my list.

01:23:33:14 - 01:23:38:20

Scott

I've never been able to because working as a bartender, it's kind of late nights.

01:23:38:22 - 01:23:40:02

Luna

And by the time. Yeah.

01:23:40:04 - 01:23:46:02

Scott

By the time 3:00 rolls around, I just mentally and physically exhausted. And I smell of five different types of alcohol.

01:23:46:02 - 01:24:06:23

Luna

Yeah, I have a dream of creating daytime play parties that are on the regular. You know, I'm working on budget, including space, including the legality of all of it. But like, I have a big dream to create, like, you know, brunch through early dinner, sort of kind of play vibes and then go out because also, that's when I have the most energy for sex and like for connection.

01:24:06:23 - 01:24:12:18

Luna

And, you know, I can feed people and that is a clear space. So I just so you know, put a pin in that dream.

01:24:12:20 - 01:24:20:03

Scott

I will put a pin in that dream for sure. Yeah. No, I mean, brunch, sex party, I am done. I am a brunching person. I will be down.

01:24:20:08 - 01:24:23:11

Luna

Yeah, a nice brunch in Minneapolis.

01:24:23:11 - 01:24:34:02

Scott

And much brunch, dad, you know, great day for as well. Brunch? But, yeah, something I've always wanted to do. Again, that just engages a curiosity in me.

01:24:34:07 - 01:24:35:06

Luna

Yeah.

01:24:35:08 - 01:24:48:04

Scott

You know, not necessarily needing to engage in any sort of part of the party, but just being a watcher and being there to, help and, you know, grab towels and lube for whoever needs it at any point.

01:24:48:06 - 01:24:49:23

Luna

Yes. Yeah.

01:24:50:01 - 01:25:10:15

Scott

Again, I kind of tell it that. Yeah, that links to the shares. I think you see other people going about in this kind of, you know, Connell enjoyable, passionate, sex. It's like, well, okay, what I'm doing as an individual because I'm seeing this and engaging with in a more sensible way isn't shameful. I don't have to be ashamed of what I do.

01:25:10:15 - 01:25:34:05

Scott

I do have to be ashamed of everybody. That's everyone's around here, you know? And I think that's my next step, even both sexually and in therapy. And I've talked about this in therapy is like I want to do a group sex set up because, yeah, that is the reason, because I suddenly get rid of the shame because I see other people.

01:25:34:07 - 01:25:35:06

Luna

Yeah.

01:25:35:08 - 01:25:42:11

Scott

And I don't just generally get to see other people who I know naked around the house, you know, I mean, it's like taking that, breaking away, that shame, breaking away that barrier.

01:25:42:12 - 01:26:05:03

Luna

Oh, good point. I do, because people in my sphere tend to feel such a large amount of permission. I have seen most of my close friends naked a lot, you know, for photos or just regular, you know, because they know that I would be wow, I forget that's not a norm for people. Yeah, for my friends. My pleasure.

01:26:05:07 - 01:26:11:16