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30s queer kinky poly comedian and performer, she/him pronouns.

🔗 JIAVANI LINKS | @jiavani

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00:00:00:05 - 00:00:25:02

Luna

And our guest today is a queer freelance Polly, artsy, kinky, and forever discovering human who uses she and him pronouns and is into role play percussion like being a drummer. Following is in the moment, play parties, group sex, exploring new connections and dynamics, as well as traveling all over the globe performing improvised musical. And you can find him acting in film, television, animation and more.

00:00:25:02 - 00:00:29:19

Luna

Born in northern Germany and currently residing in Los Angeles. Welcome, Giovanni.

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Jiavani

Hey, thanks for having me.

00:00:31:21 - 00:00:49:00

Luna

I am so excited to finally have you up because this has been a long time and coming a long time. We discussed it quite a while ago and now here we are in the flesh. Would you please start out by telling us if you had to rate yourself on a sexual shaming meter, with ten being so full of shame and one being like, I don't have any shame, where do you fall today, right now?

00:00:49:00 - 00:00:51:05

Luna

And when? If ever, does it get squiggly?

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Jiavani

Oh, I would say four. Okay.

00:00:56:16 - 00:01:14:11

Jiavani

I enjoy sex so much, but I have a lot of toxic wiring from growing up. Christian. So even in like, some moments where I'm like, I have healed, then some stuff will creep up that I'm like, why do I feel, oh, okay, some things to process.

00:01:14:13 - 00:01:23:15

Luna

Yeah. Wow. Okay. That is surprising because I do know, like, we've talked about sex a little bit just in the world. Yeah. And I never would have guessed you out of as a four.

00:01:23:18 - 00:01:34:06

Jiavani

So yeah, I think it's like, I think sometimes I behave in a way that feels like a zero. I think I'm at a zero, but I think the truth might be four or higher.

00:01:34:12 - 00:01:37:09

Luna

Zero passing. But yeah, zero passing.

00:01:37:09 - 00:01:38:07

Jiavani

I think a lot of people.

00:01:38:07 - 00:02:04:09

Jiavani

Would assume zero, but it's just it really isn't. And I think there are moments where I'm alone or I'm thinking about how I approach intimacy. And sometimes a lot of the expectations that I have are coming from this idea that there's like a soulmate that God had intended for me, and that's somehow attached to my destiny, which I don't believe.

00:02:04:09 - 00:02:17:02

Jiavani

But in my core wiring, there's like something that goes, when a person isn't responding in a way that I want them to or something like that. And I'm like, okay, I think I have some idea of where that's coming from.

00:02:17:04 - 00:02:21:20

Luna

Okay. When that comes up, when you notice it, it sounds like you are aware of it at some point.

00:02:22:01 - 00:02:22:15

Jiavani

Yeah.

00:02:22:17 - 00:02:29:04

Luna

What sort of conversations do you have internally or how do you kind of like process that or deal with it? Or are you just like, there it is again.

00:02:29:06 - 00:02:49:09

Jiavani

I try to be really gentle about it. There was a movement class that I was taking in college where the teacher was saying, if you noticed something about your posture or the way that you carry your body that you want to change, or maybe your body is off balance in some way, don't immediately try to correct it because you'll overcorrect and end up doing damage.

00:02:49:15 - 00:02:58:06

Jiavani

And I think I carried that kind of mentality over where I'm like, okay, I'm noticing that maybe this is why I'm feeling upset. I see it.

00:02:58:08 - 00:02:59:10

Jiavani

Yeah, I see it.

00:02:59:15 - 00:03:19:22

Jiavani

And I don't try to I don't try to immediately fix it. Maybe I try to write about it. Maybe I try to journal, maybe, you know, or like every once in a while, like if I need to act out, you know, do something that's like, maybe not a super healthy behavior, sexually or otherwise. Sometimes I will let myself do that knowing that that's what's happening.

00:03:19:22 - 00:03:27:06

Jiavani

Okay. This is a coping mechanism. Yeah. Conscious coping reaction. And that's like that's okay. If I'm not hurting anybody I'm like.

00:03:27:07 - 00:03:30:08

Jiavani

Okay, this is what I need. Beautiful.

00:03:30:10 - 00:03:34:14

Luna

Do you want to talk about shame and your family? Like does it go up if you're around them?

00:03:34:16 - 00:03:44:06

Jiavani

No, actually I don't think so. It's not like, oh, we talk about everything. And, like, I think everybody's pretty private.

00:03:44:08 - 00:03:45:07

Jiavani

But.

00:03:45:09 - 00:03:51:03

Jiavani

No, I'm out to my family. I don't think my shame goes up around my family.

00:03:51:05 - 00:03:51:12

Jiavani

Yeah.

00:03:51:14 - 00:03:56:22

Luna

Wow. Does it squiggle? Are you like a continent for. Oh, it's a squiggle. Oh, absolutely.

00:03:56:22 - 00:04:18:05

Jiavani

It's squiggle, I think. And it's not at the forefront. The shame is not at the forefront of my mind all the time. I think it's also like I won't put it all on the Christian upbringing. And honestly, like I say, upbringing, but like, I stayed Christian and like, heavily involved in church well into my 20s. So it's not it wasn't just my family.

00:04:18:05 - 00:04:55:09

Jiavani

Sending me to church like this is something I continued to choose into adulthood, which I don't, I don't subscribe to now. But but also, you know, I have shame about my body, which comes from it is like American culture or Western culture stuff that's like unavoidable in the society. So I feel conscious of my body not all the time, but like sometimes I'm like, oh, this isn't how it's supposed to be, you know, this is oh, like, I my worth is is lower because such and such a thing which at the forefront I know is not true.

00:04:55:13 - 00:04:58:04

Jiavani

But like we have some there's just so many.

00:04:58:04 - 00:04:59:14

Jiavani

Messages coming.

00:04:59:16 - 00:05:02:04

Jiavani

At us and the imagery and the.

00:05:02:06 - 00:05:06:02

Jiavani

The casting and like, you know, this is like it's a bit similarly.

00:05:06:02 - 00:05:15:10

Jiavani

It's just like, okay, I'm noticing this at my core. I know that, like, my body rocks and that I'm okay, but stuff creeps in.

00:05:15:12 - 00:05:20:17

Luna

Yeah, yeah. If you guys aren't watching the video, Giovanni is a smoke show, so it's true.

00:05:20:18 - 00:05:22:10

Jiavani

Yeah, yeah.

00:05:22:12 - 00:05:25:20

Luna

Tell us how you learned about sex.

00:05:25:22 - 00:05:37:08

Jiavani

That was how there was a sleepover when I was in fourth grade where I learned so much. I learned I learned what sex was.

00:05:37:12 - 00:05:39:00

Jiavani

The same night I learned what.

00:05:39:00 - 00:05:40:19

Jiavani

Snow blowing was.

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Luna

What we do. I know it's still wet. Like snow.

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Jiavani

Snow blowing is what you. When you pass, come from up the mouth. Oh, yeah. Oh, I've never done that to you. No I don't, I don't think I ever.

00:05:56:18 - 00:06:00:00

Luna

Kissed with cum in my mouth. But not like here you go. I'll take it back.

00:06:00:00 - 00:06:01:03

Jiavani

Yeah. I don't think I've done.

00:06:01:03 - 00:06:04:02

Luna

Like between two people. What is it like a circle? Like do you need more?

00:06:04:04 - 00:06:07:17

Jiavani

I think that when it was described to me, it was described with two people.

00:06:07:20 - 00:06:14:21

Jiavani

But I'm sure you could group a snowball with snow blowing. No blow, no blowing.

00:06:14:21 - 00:06:19:11

Luna

Oh, I thought snowballing. Oh.

00:06:19:13 - 00:06:23:13

Luna

I thought snowballing would be, like, really white balls. Like on my face. It's like a tea bag.

00:06:23:13 - 00:06:26:12

Jiavani

But I don't know, I don't know.

00:06:26:14 - 00:06:31:06

Luna

Okay. So you doing this same night you've learned about sex and snow blower?

00:06:31:06 - 00:06:39:20

Jiavani

Yeah, I know I said people started talking about sex, and I was like, you guys, I don't know what the big deal is. Sex is just kissing, laying down.

00:06:39:22 - 00:06:48:21

Jiavani

And we're like, girls, sit down. I'll see what it's like working it. Tell you everything. And then this is a big party.

00:06:48:23 - 00:06:50:19

Jiavani

Probably like 18 girls.

00:06:50:21 - 00:07:00:16

Jiavani

And they everybody, everybody put into the pot everything that they knew. And some people knew it was stuff on isms when you grow up.

00:07:00:18 - 00:07:08:15

Jiavani

I was born in Germany. Both my parents were in the military, so I lived in Hawaii, San Diego, Seattle, and this was in like Seattle area.

00:07:08:15 - 00:07:27:19

Luna

Okay. Oh, wow. Okay. So they knew some damn stuff. But also, how cool would it be if it was like a fourth grade slumber party sex ed? You know, I mean, maybe with some supervisions, did you learn helpful stuff or was it like, what was your reaction to that to like, what do you remember thinking and feeling and understanding?

00:07:27:19 - 00:07:38:15

Jiavani

I remember a feeling of my brain opening up when they were describing to me, and this is not how I would I would define sex now as penis and vagina. But that was like that was our limited knowledge of the time.

00:07:38:17 - 00:07:39:15

Jiavani

But when they.

00:07:39:15 - 00:07:43:03

Jiavani

Were like, the penis goes into the vagina, it just that feeling.

00:07:43:03 - 00:07:46:05

Jiavani

Of like.

00:07:46:06 - 00:07:58:06

Jiavani

What it was you kind of black out a little bit differently. Like, no, I couldn't, I don't know, like bodies go into other bodies. That's so it's, you know, not having.

00:07:58:06 - 00:08:12:04

Jiavani

The vocabulary, but it's like it's so intimate. Yeah. It's so intense. Like the, the idea of, like, holding hands with a boy at that time or with a girl was like a big idea to me.

00:08:12:06 - 00:08:17:18

Jiavani

And so that was just like, whoa, there's so much I don't know. The world is really, like opening up.

00:08:17:18 - 00:08:21:15

Jiavani

To me after that. Where else I learn about sex?

00:08:21:16 - 00:08:31:11

Luna

Wait, did it come with any meaning or context like it? Was it like a big deal? Did you know it had to do with, like, love or babies or religions, but like. Like, what else did he.

00:08:31:11 - 00:08:32:22

Jiavani

Teach you about sex?

00:08:33:00 - 00:08:35:05

Jiavani

Well, I knew we weren't supposed to have it till we were married.

00:08:35:05 - 00:08:36:02

Luna

Okay, okay.

00:08:36:04 - 00:08:43:10

Jiavani

And that there was one man God had intended for you. And this future husband idea was huge.

00:08:43:13 - 00:08:44:17

Jiavani

Yeah, huge.

00:08:44:18 - 00:08:54:00

Luna

I remember being so excited, though. I was like someone out there is going to have sex with me, like, like at a pretty young age before I really understood I was like, and when I'm 20, it will happen.

00:08:54:02 - 00:08:58:16

Jiavani

Like I was like kind of a sexual child.

00:08:58:16 - 00:09:30:12

Jiavani

Like I was like very, very interested in connecting in that way. And I was very interested in the idea of force, because I think because it would allow me to have an experience without the shame of having made a choice. Yeah. And so that was like something that I would fantasize about, frequently because it was just like, if you were to have sex before you were married, then you're ruined.

00:09:30:17 - 00:09:40:09

Jiavani

And this destiny that you have for this future husband is also ruined. So, like, you have ruined your life. If you step outside of that.

00:09:40:09 - 00:09:42:04

Jiavani

Shoes, it,

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Jiavani

Which is just like.

00:09:43:03 - 00:09:47:23

Jiavani

So it's just is just too much. It's too much. Yeah.

00:09:47:23 - 00:09:59:18

Jiavani

And there were, there were people, you know, within within that culture, there are people like, oh, my wife will not have divorced parents, I'm sure of it. My wife will never have even kissed another person.

00:09:59:18 - 00:10:00:05

Luna

Oh, damn.

00:10:00:08 - 00:10:07:12

Jiavani

Our first kiss will be on our wedding day. And it's just like, is a lot of pressure. Or there's of, like, purity cultures.

00:10:07:12 - 00:10:11:13

Luna

Especially for those of us that have a lot of desire and curiosity and love touch.

00:10:11:15 - 00:10:12:13

Jiavani

00:10:12:15 - 00:10:16:13

Luna

Did you get a sex lesson in school or talk from your parents?

00:10:16:15 - 00:10:36:19

Jiavani

There was stuff in school which I appreciated in church. There was like it was like virtue. So they call there. They were like separate all the girls in the boys to specifically talk about sex. And then when it was about keeping your virginity, but also we were able to ask about, like, tampons and if sex hurt and like pregnancy.

00:10:36:19 - 00:10:42:05

Jiavani

And we could like, ask all of those questions. And that was very it was very helpful, honestly.

00:10:42:07 - 00:10:49:18

Luna

Yeah. That's good. Okay. What else from your early years feels like important, formative pieces?

00:10:49:20 - 00:11:19:16

Jiavani

When I was in high school, I had a couple of unrelated friends that I explored with sexually on a platonic level, and I think that was really important. I think that that kind of safety opened me up for very fun exploration. I can be anxious, attached and want people to, like, love me.

00:11:19:18 - 00:11:20:08

Jiavani

Yeah.

00:11:20:08 - 00:11:36:16

Jiavani

And it's like, oh, these people already love me. They already love me. I'm not. There's nothing. There's nothing to prove. There's nothing to earn. There's nothing that I have to like, do. Which is something that I still I still struggle with feeling like I have to, like, show how much I'm.

00:11:36:16 - 00:11:38:10

Jiavani

Worth and in a lot of.

00:11:38:10 - 00:11:55:19

Jiavani

Situations. But this was just like, hey, like, you haven't had a lot of sex. I haven't had a lot of sex. Let's just like, see what's off. Let's see what's fun. Let's like, try things out. And that was really great. I'm very I'm very grateful for those experiences with people that I trusted.

00:11:56:00 - 00:12:02:06

Luna

Yeah. That's really cool. Do you want to share details for many of them or were those your first experiences?

00:12:02:08 - 00:12:11:04

Jiavani

It's not how I lost my virginity, but I started getting reports as early as then about noise.

00:12:11:06 - 00:12:21:18

Jiavani

That my sex noises are pornographic. And like, don't seem authentic, which just isn't true. Like what? I mean.

00:12:21:20 - 00:12:39:18

Jiavani

How they're perceived as, like how they're perceived. But I know that because I don't really hear them. Yeah, that it's not put upon. Yeah. And it's like, I don't have a problem acknowledging when I am being performative as a performer. I think I recognize when like I'm putting on a show, you're.

00:12:39:18 - 00:12:41:08

Luna

Like, I'm performing, why aren't you paying.

00:12:41:08 - 00:12:45:04

Jiavani

Me? Yeah, but it's like I'm an artist. I'm like.

00:12:45:06 - 00:12:49:04

Jiavani

These are noises that I'm making truly, authentically. And like, I.

00:12:49:04 - 00:12:49:21

Jiavani

Remember.

00:12:49:23 - 00:13:00:00

Jiavani

That when I started hearing that feedback, I made more effort to watch porn, which I wasn't really doing at the time because I was like, what am I doing? And I was.

00:13:00:00 - 00:13:02:10

Jiavani

Like, oh, I, I guess I do kind of sound like that.

00:13:02:15 - 00:13:06:02

Jiavani

But it wasn't like trying to sound like the people I heard in porn.

00:13:06:02 - 00:13:07:15

Jiavani

That's just like how I sound.

00:13:07:17 - 00:13:25:18

Luna

That's so interesting. I recently had a conversation with a dude friend kind of on this topic because he was like, oh, I think she's doing performative noises with me. And I was like, how do you know? Like, what do you mean? He's like, cause it sounds like porn. And I was like, sometimes porn people are really having sex also, and sometimes I don't know what the fuck I sound like.

00:13:25:19 - 00:13:40:19

Luna

You know, my, my formative experiences were very quiet because I was masturbating in secret, you know, and so I, my origins were just quiet because I wasn't making noises. But then when I was like, oh, I can now, I don't know what's happening. Most of the time I'm like, maybe I.

00:13:40:19 - 00:13:45:15

Jiavani

Should put a recorder. Do you love recording audio? Do you do.

00:13:45:15 - 00:13:55:06

Jiavani

Like so I'm so auditory stimulated. I think that part of why I make a lot of noise is because it turns me on, like just to have an interesting soundscape.

00:13:55:06 - 00:13:58:03

Jiavani

Yeah, I'm not like, not composing notes.

00:13:58:03 - 00:14:14:17

Luna

It also tickles our vagus nerve like it's that's a big part of it. The breathing, the moaning, like it gets a lot of people literally off, you know. So especially for pussy owners who are like, you know, for holding our breath, if we're not connecting to ourselves, to our bodies. And so like having that breath in that.

00:14:14:18 - 00:14:29:13

Luna

Like any of that vibrating like can control. Yeah. If I'm ever having a day where like I'm, you know sometimes especially about my period, like I'll be really horny but it'll be harder for me to come or like for, even for myself in the masturbation. And so then I just add some sound and I'm like, yeah.

00:14:29:13 - 00:14:31:11

Jiavani

There we go. Yeah.

00:14:31:13 - 00:14:40:04

Jiavani

When I would tour, internationally, I would hook up a lot, and I kind of liked collecting accents.

00:14:40:06 - 00:14:41:06

Jiavani

00:14:41:08 - 00:14:56:08

Jiavani

I put it in my in my dating profiles and like, I'm like like an American in Los Angeles, American from Los Angeles, here performing in a musical, trying to kind of hook up with as many.

00:14:56:08 - 00:15:10:06

Jiavani

Accents as possible and message me, which with you guys have it like, like a lot of that, like, I shit bingo. And some people were just like, I got this one, I got this one. I could go, oh, fun. That's so fun. Yeah, I liked it.

00:15:10:06 - 00:15:14:00

Jiavani

But like after sex, I would record the pillowtalk portion.

00:15:14:00 - 00:15:14:07

Jiavani

And I.

00:15:14:11 - 00:15:14:23

Jiavani

Have, like.

00:15:14:23 - 00:15:16:00

Jiavani

This.

00:15:16:02 - 00:15:27:22

Jiavani

Wonderful collection of people from around the world who are totally relaxed into having just had sex with me.

00:15:28:00 - 00:15:28:20

Jiavani

So.

00:15:28:22 - 00:15:30:23

Jiavani

And it's such an interesting energy.

00:15:30:23 - 00:15:32:01

Luna

You still have.

00:15:32:03 - 00:15:38:15

Jiavani

You masturbate to it, you just. Yeah. Was there was like.

00:15:38:17 - 00:15:58:04

Jiavani

I was like I was recording the conversations. But there was one time we ended up having, like a part 2 or 3, which is like started having sex again. And so I have like the conversation into, like, I love that right now and like Orgasming again and then having sex.

00:15:58:06 - 00:16:03:20

Jiavani

And I mean, it's really stupid. Really. So let's play. Wow.

00:16:03:20 - 00:16:07:18

Luna

Okay. So when did you, like, start touring the world, perform.

00:16:07:19 - 00:16:14:06

Jiavani

Around like 2017, 2018? Okay. Then I started getting sent to other countries.

00:16:14:06 - 00:16:15:02

Luna

So cool.

00:16:15:03 - 00:16:28:07

Jiavani

Really cool. And it was something that I not having any plan for. I had sent an intention for more international travel, so I just like didn't feel like I had been enough places. Yeah. And then like.

00:16:28:09 - 00:16:34:03

Jiavani

When it was just like started getting invited to perform in all of these, like, different nations and it was it.

00:16:34:03 - 00:16:47:20

Jiavani

I love work, travel because it's different when you're like being surrounded by locals who are also working on the show, who know where to go. And you're like having daily conversations. And I like, absolutely love work trips.

00:16:47:22 - 00:16:56:20

Luna

Especially when it's like there's the creative element in it. How often do your improv songs include sexual situations?

00:16:56:22 - 00:17:00:19

Jiavani

I mean, it's it's improv, such as I feel like in the welcome to I mean.

00:17:00:20 - 00:17:06:18

Luna

Like, I'm like, I would make up sexism. Well, I do I make up sexy songs all the time, but I'm usually by myself.

00:17:06:20 - 00:17:24:12

Jiavani

A few weeks ago here in LA, I did an improvised Saltburn musical. So it's like, we know it's going to be salt burn. But the audience tells us like what kind of things they want to see on the show. And then we do an hour long improvised musical version of it. And so I was in a duet with the main.

00:17:24:12 - 00:17:28:12

Jiavani

Guy who does like the Red wing scene outside of the movie.

00:17:28:14 - 00:17:34:08

Luna

I haven't seen it there. I have had people tell me about it a little bit, but in our audience, in case they haven't seen it.

00:17:34:10 - 00:17:42:21

Jiavani

Well, I'll just tell you that in this scene outside of a castle, someone is eating someone out on their period.

00:17:42:21 - 00:17:44:02

Jiavani

Yeah, yeah. And we.

00:17:44:02 - 00:17:45:14

Jiavani

Wrapped, we wrapped.

00:17:45:14 - 00:17:58:12

Jiavani

That scene and it was so fun. I was just like, wow, I can't believe like, this is what my life include this. It's amazing. Red wings wrap.

00:17:58:14 - 00:18:14:12

Luna

So by the time you were traveling internationally, it sounds like you were already pretty open sexually. We fill in the gaps for like, when did you start to like, how did Christianity fit in with like you becoming bloodier?

00:18:14:15 - 00:18:15:13

Jiavani

00:18:15:15 - 00:18:41:15

Jiavani

Well, I was already having sex like at the end of my tenure as a church leader, but once I was out of the church, I really wanted to explore my queerness more than I had, because that was complicated and a lot of why I had to leave the church like it wasn't entirely my choice, but I felt like a late bloomer.

00:18:41:15 - 00:19:03:02

Jiavani

I'm like 24 at this point, which, like, it's not actually that old, but I was at the time, I was just like, I like there was a lot more biphobia at that time by stigma, within the lesbian community. Just like not trusting that by women, like, could be, you know, trusted to stick around or like, things like that.

00:19:03:02 - 00:19:16:20

Jiavani

It's not that it's gone, but pretty prevalent then. And I was scared, but so committed to exploring more of my queerness. And I do well internationally.

00:19:16:22 - 00:19:23:06

Jiavani

I do work, and I like to say, I was talking to you before this. It it seems like you do it, I do. I feel fine.

00:19:23:06 - 00:19:40:19

Jiavani

In L.A., but like internationally, like a lot of places, they've never met anybody like me. They never seen anybody like me. I'm like, I'm black and Filipino mixed. I'm like American, which comes with a certain amount of, like, confidence. And like, I'm also in your country performing, which.

00:19:40:23 - 00:19:44:19

Jiavani

You know, like, thought.

00:19:44:21 - 00:19:48:09

Luna

You've got beautiful hair too. I feel like I feel like, oh, really? Like hair.

00:19:48:10 - 00:19:57:13

Jiavani

Oh my gosh. Like, people like a lot of places have never seen hair like this in real life. It's like I am a special mix, but like.

00:19:57:15 - 00:20:18:06

Jiavani

I remember, like, meeting, a group of Norwegian guys who just, like, stopped what they were doing, know it. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Your hair, your skin. Yeah. Oh. And I was like, whoa, whoa whoa. What was the earlier you guys have, like.

00:20:18:07 - 00:20:21:15

Jiavani

Such beautiful people in there. Like we've seen it.

00:20:21:17 - 00:20:28:14

Jiavani

Let's eat it. Thank you. Sam. You you those are special. And it's like.

00:20:28:16 - 00:20:37:17

Jiavani

Honestly I know, I know, okay. It's like valid. People don't want to be. What is the word like exoticized tokenized.

00:20:37:19 - 00:20:41:01

Jiavani

Yeah. There's like, but sometimes.

00:20:41:03 - 00:20:56:12

Jiavani

Sometimes it's like I am special. And I feel like I've seen people that I'm like, whoa, that are striking to me because it's so different from anything that I've seen before, that it's just like, I think maybe even like from an artist standpoint, it's like.

00:20:56:14 - 00:21:03:00

Jiavani

Would I could paint? Yes. This face. Like, I get it, not.

00:21:03:00 - 00:21:10:01

Jiavani

Every situation is going to feel safe in that way. But like in this one and in many that I've experienced, I feel okay.

00:21:10:01 - 00:21:11:12

Jiavani

I'm like, yeah, I get.

00:21:11:14 - 00:21:14:22

Luna

I have a lot of leeway if I'm feeling properly worshiped.

00:21:15:00 - 00:21:21:20

Jiavani

Yeah. I don't know. And it's like I have enough confidence to be like you, right? Yeah.

00:21:21:22 - 00:21:23:02

Luna

Yeah. That's beautiful.

00:21:23:04 - 00:21:24:10

Jiavani

Right? Yeah. Well, and I.

00:21:24:10 - 00:21:35:01

Luna

I experience a big difference because I am here in Los Angeles and I walk around on the street a lot, and I, I get a lot of attention wherever I go in the world, you know? And there's a big difference between something like.

00:21:35:03 - 00:21:35:10

Jiavani

You're.

00:21:35:11 - 00:21:52:07

Luna

Beautiful and someone being like, hey, hi. I value you're good, a good looking. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you know, and and so I'll respond very differently to those, you know, if someone if I can feel genuine appreciation or what I perceive to be genuine appreciation, I'm like, thank you, worshiper, I, I do feel like a goddess.

00:21:52:09 - 00:21:55:01

Jiavani

Yes, yes. So there was.

00:21:55:01 - 00:22:23:18

Jiavani

There was a time between when I left the church at 24 and like, starting to tour and stuff around like 28. Yeah. Where I just like, really just had to throw myself into more queer hookups, queer relationships. I was also like, feeling open. I had had a I had had a long term relationship with someone who was very, very into Bdsm, and I had always felt open to it.

00:22:23:20 - 00:22:38:00

Jiavani

But like, this is like the person that I have loved the most in my life. And on our first date, I commented on something from his profile. I had met him on OkCupid and I was like, and the questionnaire, you said you.

00:22:38:00 - 00:22:40:05

Jiavani

Have a foot fetish.

00:22:40:06 - 00:22:56:11

Jiavani

You're joking. Right? Is I like I just hadn't been exposed to that in directly yet. I was like, you're joking, right? Or I was like a mistake. And he was like, you have a problem with that? And I just felt so sure in my body. I was like.

00:22:56:13 - 00:22:58:07

Jiavani

No, no.

00:22:58:09 - 00:23:01:13

Jiavani

I didn't know until he asked me like that. No, I don't.

00:23:01:13 - 00:23:03:00

Jiavani

Have a problem with that.

00:23:03:02 - 00:23:05:21

Jiavani

Why would I have a problem with anything?

00:23:05:23 - 00:23:06:18

Jiavani

Wow.

00:23:06:20 - 00:23:08:23

Jiavani

And I was like, when I started subbing.

00:23:09:01 - 00:23:10:01

Jiavani

Really? Yeah.

00:23:10:01 - 00:23:42:06

Jiavani

And so I got to explore for so many different things within that power dynamic. Like I just got it multiple times a day, just try anything I could think of. And that just helped me in my journey of just being willing to explore. And so I had a certain amount of discomfort around, like how I was being perceived by like other queer people for just like feeling like I was late to the game.

00:23:42:08 - 00:23:57:23

Jiavani

But at my core, I have always had a spirit of exploration and discovery. So I was like, okay, come what may, maybe I am judged, maybe I'm shamed. I have to say the things I want. I have to try everything.

00:23:58:01 - 00:24:11:13

Luna

Oh, I feel that's so hard. I would love to hear what you explored in that relationship that stands out to you, or what was opened up for you. But first, I would love to hear. Also, when did you realize and how you were queer?

00:24:11:15 - 00:24:41:09

Jiavani

I knew that I liked boys and girls when I was in kindergarten, and I had two best friends, one of each of those genders, and I recognized that I had a crush on each of them, and I didn't know if that was weird or not. And then around like fourth grade again, I overheard my older sister talking to her friends, and they were talking about a boy at their junior high who was by, and I interrupted their conversation to to ask what's bye?

00:24:41:11 - 00:25:08:11

Jiavani

And they were like, oh, it means you like boys and girls. The angels were singing. The light was shining upon my face, the heavens open because I was like, there's a word for it. If there's a word for it, that means that there are enough other people who feel this way, that there was a term that was coined and that makes me feel so good and also like, gives me something, gives me like a path that I understand that I'm on.

00:25:08:13 - 00:25:20:11

Jiavani

So kindergarten, then fourth grade, and then I had my first girlfriend like relationship. Not just like fooling around or hooking up around like 24 when I left the church.

00:25:20:16 - 00:25:21:19

Jiavani

Okay, now.

00:25:21:21 - 00:25:25:00

Luna

What did you learn in that relationship? And then we'll go to the kinky one.

00:25:25:00 - 00:25:25:22

Jiavani

Honestly, I learned.

00:25:25:22 - 00:25:27:08

Jiavani

A lot about abuse.

00:25:27:10 - 00:25:28:00

Luna

Oh, shit.

00:25:28:03 - 00:25:32:07

Jiavani

I know, sorry. It's like oh no no no no no. Cause like.

00:25:32:09 - 00:26:03:18

Jiavani

Verbal and physical abuse that has taken a really long time to understand because I didn't, you know, there's like, oh, like I have these ideas that like, oh, I'm like, a man shouldn't be yelling at you or like, a man should not hit you. These are things that, like I understood, but when that was happening within a lesbian relationship, I found it so difficult to identify, like what I was supposed to do because I was like, she is stronger than me by a lot.

00:26:03:20 - 00:26:25:07

Jiavani

But like, technically were evenly matched like that. Well, I think that was what was told to me when I tried to tell somebody about it. These are like, well, like there can't be domestic abuse in a lesbian relationship because you're physically matched and there's oh, oh, yeah, okay, okay. But it's just like my first girlfriend. I'm like, didn't I just like, just didn't get it.

00:26:25:09 - 00:27:07:01

Jiavani

Even during when I was navigating, you know, what does it mean to be cared for? What does it mean to to, you know, experience a connection in, in a healthy way? Yeah. And I just read a book in the last like two months called In the Dream House by Carmen Machado. That's a memoir that mirrored so much of the relationship that I was in that I felt like I was not reprocessing, but like starting to process things from that relationship from so many years ago.

00:27:07:06 - 00:27:09:13

Jiavani

By reading this book and being like, oh, yeah.

00:27:09:13 - 00:27:16:23

Jiavani

That was fucked up. Yeah, I was that, yeah. Esthetically, I learned more.

00:27:16:23 - 00:27:19:14

Jiavani

About like a certain type.

00:27:19:17 - 00:27:20:06

Jiavani

That I am.

00:27:20:06 - 00:27:20:18

Jiavani

Attracted.

00:27:20:18 - 00:27:23:08

Jiavani

To. More.

00:27:23:08 - 00:27:33:15

Jiavani

Like androgyny and like, mask leaning muscles, tattoos, things like that. I don't know, woman. I asked my friends recently, I was like, do I have a type?

00:27:33:15 - 00:27:36:22

Jiavani

And then were like, all across the board. It's really like truly across the.

00:27:36:22 - 00:27:40:02

Jiavani

Board gender expression.

00:27:40:04 - 00:27:42:08

Jiavani

Ethnic background, like.

00:27:42:10 - 00:27:45:10

Jiavani

Talents, interests, professions, like.

00:27:45:12 - 00:27:53:08

Jiavani

All over the place. But I do like a studly woman.

00:27:53:10 - 00:27:55:06

Jiavani

And it cannot be denied.

00:27:55:08 - 00:28:15:20

Luna

I get it. My first lady love was like. She made me feel a little like she was just like a beautiful Amazon. And then. Yeah, I mean, I relate to there are new experiences we have where it's like, we don't know the ropes. And also early relationships. It's easy to fall into stuff where we don't know better, especially in a world that doesn't really have norms.

00:28:15:20 - 00:28:35:06

Luna

But people pretend like there is a norm, and then the norms we learned are oftentimes from our religion or like drippings of a religion. And it's like very muddled. And there really aren't baselines, which is the more that I interview people, the more I'm like, oh, that's why we're all confused, because we're all all traumatized in these different ways, you know?

00:28:35:06 - 00:28:37:09

Luna

And we do our best to figure it out.

00:28:37:14 - 00:28:38:03

Jiavani

We do our.

00:28:38:03 - 00:28:40:11

Luna

Best to do our best.

00:28:40:13 - 00:28:48:02

Jiavani

It doesn't get exhausting fucking healing. Yeah, I am so interested in taking a break from growing.

00:28:48:02 - 00:29:07:10

Luna

But I wonder if it's also because our world looks so different from how humans evolved. We're not in the groups, and if you read some books and talk about how you know, the group community is a big part of it, like human. Yeah. You know, and it sounds like culture is changing a lot with the online dating, but it sounds like you were navigating OkCupid at least.

00:29:07:10 - 00:29:09:21

Luna

And is that how you were primarily meeting people?

00:29:09:23 - 00:29:14:19

Jiavani

Well, first girlfriend, that was like at a gym.

00:29:14:21 - 00:29:15:20

Jiavani

We met at the gym.

00:29:15:22 - 00:29:20:15

Jiavani

But yeah, then I was like, ended up OkCupid, Tinder Field.

00:29:20:21 - 00:29:22:23

Jiavani

Yeah. Chronologically. I.

00:29:22:23 - 00:29:45:15

Luna

Will just say, I don't know if I say this on part and I hate field. I don't like the company. They took away advertising. I got some bad communication. It's a glitchy app. I know that all the poly queer people who come on here are basically advertising for them. I hate it like I hate field. I'll just say that because I don't think I've actually said that out loud before, and I and every time it comes up, I'm like, I don't know.

00:29:45:15 - 00:30:00:21

Luna

I don't want to help them, I hate them. Forget apps for a second, but what in general makes you excited to connect with a new human in your life? Like, intimately. What do you look for in a partner? What's your kind of like criteria or what's your sifting method?

00:30:00:23 - 00:30:13:02

Jiavani

I sometimes I wonder if a lot of my attraction is timing. Like there's certainly something if it feels like, oh, this is something I've never had before and like.

00:30:13:02 - 00:30:13:22

Jiavani

Letting go of it.

00:30:13:22 - 00:30:14:17

Luna

All. Totally.

00:30:14:22 - 00:30:23:14

Jiavani

I just yeah, different. Oh, I've never done that before. Let's see what normally.

00:30:23:16 - 00:30:45:11

Luna

It's an irresistible invitation. That's my theme of 2024 is like giving and receiving irresistible invitations. It's the new bar. Like, is it really exciting? Is it something that's for me in this moment, you know, and then doing my best to extend that to people I want to connect with. Right. Yeah. I'm trying to make it as yummy as possible and be thoughtful, because I think there is so much like, you know, pushing widgets or just like.

00:30:45:12 - 00:30:47:16

Jiavani

I'm here, I, you know, you show.

00:30:47:16 - 00:30:58:14

Luna

Up and I'm like, well, I need a reason. Like, you know, and if someone's like, I like feel like I have a okay, here's a question about your foot person, your foot relationship, your foot fetish relationship.

00:30:58:14 - 00:31:00:08

Jiavani

I should.

00:31:00:10 - 00:31:01:16

Jiavani

Just name is foot dom.

00:31:01:16 - 00:31:05:17

Jiavani

Foot. We'll call it a foot dom.

00:31:05:19 - 00:31:20:09

Luna

So this foot dom of yours, did you ever. My fantasy is to have, like, a fancy dinner with a white tablecloth and play footsie underneath. Did you ever play footsie at dinner? Like, how did the foot fetish stuff express? Like, what did you do with feet? Or was it your feet?

00:31:20:11 - 00:31:40:13

Jiavani

It was my feet. Okay, little foot worship, he did this thing where I was blindfolded and he was stabbing me between my toes with an object that I couldn't identify that honestly felt like a knife, which freaked me out. And I was.

00:31:40:13 - 00:32:00:09

Jiavani

Like, I need to know what's happening and like, took the blindfold. I would say for it out of that, yeah. And he was like, he was like, it's a toothpick. It feels like a knife, right? And I was like, that felt like a knife. It didn't feel like a knife. You got me. All right. Proceed. So it's like there's so many things that, like, I don't mind.

00:32:00:09 - 00:32:08:22

Jiavani

I don't mind doing it. Like they didn't do anything for me. I wasn't doing anything for me. But it was like, you're having a good time. I like you a lot. That's fine.

00:32:09:00 - 00:32:13:13

Luna

So you're not, like, a super sensation seeker, or is it? Or does it just depend like, oh.

00:32:13:15 - 00:32:18:22

Jiavani

I love sensation sensations do that. Yeah, yeah. We talked a little bit about the percussion.

00:32:19:03 - 00:32:22:17

Jiavani

Yeah. I love being drummed on duty. I love being a drummer.

00:32:22:17 - 00:32:31:05

Luna

I've had that once, but it was an actual drummer and I was like, well, you played drums on me. And he was like, sure. And then he did not give a shit. Like he was very bored. And I was like, more and more, more.

00:32:31:06 - 00:32:40:01

Jiavani

I love it. I, I think, okay, talking about people who are attracted to you, I think that I like bass players. If we're talking about like when you see a band on stage, I don't know.

00:32:40:01 - 00:32:44:04

Jiavani

If it was a normal thing, but I usually like to be my favorite. Yeah.

00:32:44:06 - 00:32:46:00

Jiavani

Yeah. And it's like it's like.

00:32:46:02 - 00:32:47:00

Luna

Imagine an orgy.

00:32:47:00 - 00:32:52:08

Jiavani

A lead singer of good. You I like they probably have such complicated dynamics.

00:32:52:08 - 00:32:52:19

Luna

Like, no, you're.

00:32:52:19 - 00:32:59:11

Jiavani

Right, three of them are fighting. Like, maybe just one of them never showers. It's just like. Right. But.

00:32:59:11 - 00:33:03:16

Jiavani

I'm like, okay, lead singer. Like, I'm going to be egotistical.

00:33:03:16 - 00:33:05:22

Jiavani

Going to be not trustworthy.

00:33:06:04 - 00:33:10:01

Jiavani

Similarly, lead guitarist like probably really into themselves.

00:33:10:03 - 00:33:31:16

Jiavani

Keyboard player going to be too intellectual. I'm going to be I mean, we bought the drummer is we're going to be sorry like unhinged animal from Muppets. I think it's like such a good representation of drummers.

00:33:31:18 - 00:33:43:12

Jiavani

Anymore. Oh. It's so unfair. It's such an unfair judgment of drummers, but like, And then like a bass player, chill.

00:33:43:14 - 00:33:52:08

Jiavani

Trying to be cohesive with the group. I like the rhythm section going to be just like, you know, that doesn't need to be the star or just getting.

00:33:52:08 - 00:33:55:09

Jiavani

Into the groove, getting into the pocket in the moment.

00:33:55:09 - 00:34:02:01

Jiavani

In the music. And I think I like bass players, but the people.

00:34:02:03 - 00:34:03:05

Jiavani

I.

00:34:03:07 - 00:34:08:02

Jiavani

Feel really attracted to, I find out later, are drummers.

00:34:08:04 - 00:34:10:07

Luna

So are they like animal?

00:34:10:09 - 00:34:14:06

Jiavani

Yes.

00:34:14:08 - 00:34:15:07

Jiavani

Like.

00:34:15:09 - 00:34:19:01

Luna

Are they like animal when they play your ass? I'm imagining on your ass. Are there other places?

00:34:19:01 - 00:34:26:22

Jiavani

No. It's very and honestly, pretty much every time it's been pretty, it's been quite controlled. That's it's. No it doesn't, it doesn't the person.

00:34:27:00 - 00:34:29:21

Jiavani

The person is often unhinged. But the drumming is not.

00:34:29:21 - 00:34:36:06

Luna

So does it like you find them, you're attracted them. You find out you're a drummer and you're like, Will you please play my ass? Or how does it go?

00:34:36:08 - 00:34:59:19

Jiavani

It's gone a different way every single time. I mean, the probably the the first time it happened was like with a partner, we went on a trip and they had brought a drum and then like, it ended up just like the it was a djembe and like the djembe moved and my body moved in. And then I ended up getting played like a drum till I came a bunch.

00:34:59:21 - 00:35:02:00

Jiavani

Really? Yeah. Wait, what?

00:35:02:00 - 00:35:09:07

Luna

Yeah, because I like getting spanked. But I've never like. And I'll get really, really, really, really, really, like wet and aroused. But I've never like, come from.

00:35:09:07 - 00:35:10:13

Jiavani

Yeah, I come from getting.

00:35:10:13 - 00:35:14:13

Jiavani

Drummed on and then like I think then probably the next time.

00:35:14:14 - 00:35:18:16

Jiavani

Drum. She's a drum. He's got drum.

00:35:18:18 - 00:35:33:01

Jiavani

The next time I was at a play party and like, I was getting spanked by people who were in a line to spank me. And then, like, I felt I could tell from the way that the person spanked me. I was like.

00:35:33:03 - 00:35:49:23

Jiavani

Are you a drummer? Yes, I am, and I was like, okay, thank you everyone. And I was like, let's go over here and will you drum on me. And he was like, so, yeah. And so you like, drummed on me at the party until I came a bunch. And so that's how that one happened.

00:35:49:23 - 00:36:27:04

Jiavani

And then another time I was in a music studio with someone and things were just like, we started making out while we were in there, and there were multiple drum set in the room, and I ended up at one point, just like bent over a drum and this was like a big bass drum and I can, like, hear the vibration and the like sound of like, just being like my of, like, body motion against the drum until I ended up, like I start hitting the drum, I'm creating the beat.

00:36:27:06 - 00:36:34:16

Jiavani

And then I'm like, you're drum and like. So then we're both like, this person's drumming on my body. I'm drumming on the drum.

00:36:34:18 - 00:36:43:01

Jiavani

And I came a bunch not incredibly the same ends there at the same end. And every day I came a bunch.

00:36:43:01 - 00:36:44:09

Luna

I love that answer.

00:36:44:09 - 00:36:57:19

Jiavani

I love, like, incorporating percussion into play. Like I cannot force that. I don't think I would ever, like, go into a situation expecting that. But like when, when the spirit.

00:36:57:19 - 00:36:58:09

Luna

Of.

00:36:58:11 - 00:37:00:02

Jiavani

The snare,

00:37:00:04 - 00:37:01:22

Jiavani

Oh, that is a way I like to ride.

00:37:02:00 - 00:37:10:19

Luna

I mean, it also sounds like you have magnetized that a few times because I yes, I've been drummed on once by happenstance, but you're a cum drum.

00:37:10:21 - 00:37:11:17

Jiavani

00:37:11:18 - 00:37:22:08

Luna

Also just for our listeners, because I got that detail before I was like, I think more details for the intro. And when he was like, oh, percussion, I was like, like, like you are the drum. And you were just.

00:37:22:08 - 00:37:25:21

Jiavani

Like, yeah, yeah, I am the drum. And I come because.

00:37:26:01 - 00:37:35:18

Luna

Because you have to also understand most of the time when my literal brain thinks something, people go, no, like I like with the dumbest answer. And I was like going, right, yeah.

00:37:35:18 - 00:37:39:06

Jiavani

You go, you nailed it.

00:37:39:07 - 00:37:43:22

Luna

Like, do you know the term swinging dick? Like, that person is a swinging dick?

00:37:44:02 - 00:37:45:22

Jiavani

Like, very confident, like machismo.

00:37:45:22 - 00:37:54:21

Luna

Okay, you do know it, okay. But also it's attached to wealth, like financial wealth in a lot of ways. When I heard that term earlier today.

00:37:54:23 - 00:37:55:23

Jiavani

My brain went through like.

00:37:55:23 - 00:37:58:11

Luna

Five iterations and didn't get.

00:37:58:17 - 00:38:01:10

Jiavani

That one was like.

00:38:01:12 - 00:38:02:13

Luna

Getting the first one was.

00:38:02:13 - 00:38:04:11

Jiavani

Like.

00:38:04:13 - 00:38:10:19

Luna

Like a naked penis owner on a swing set. That was my first mistake. I was like, is that a fetish? I was like, I want to.

00:38:10:19 - 00:38:27:16

Jiavani

Do that was me, the literal playground. And then my second one was like, oh, someone who likes to helicopter like, you know, like, the Lindy Hop, East Coast Swing or. Oh, no.

00:38:27:16 - 00:38:33:18

Luna

No, that's the third one. I was like, oh, you mean like swingers? Like like a guy who's part of a swinger? Couples like. No, no.

00:38:33:20 - 00:38:39:13

Jiavani

Like. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, just just tell me, oh man.

00:38:39:18 - 00:38:41:22

Luna

What other ways do you like to come.

00:38:42:04 - 00:38:42:23

Jiavani

00:38:43:04 - 00:39:12:21

Jiavani

I mean I really do like with the drumming I enjoy like having a sensory experience on like non genital parts of my body. And it's really just a matter of like following like if someone's touching me all over too, just like oh yes there. Oh it's like right now it's right here okay. This, it takes a lot of communication because I am I am like reading my own body as things are happening.

00:39:12:23 - 00:39:22:05

Jiavani

So it's like yes, lighter touch, wider circles. Like and I just have to like get there and until.

00:39:22:07 - 00:39:23:17

Jiavani

You know.

00:39:23:19 - 00:39:27:10

Jiavani

That's really fun. Other ways I like to come with the first.

00:39:27:10 - 00:39:36:20

Luna

Were you always good at communicating like that or did you have to develop that skill or is it like like could you. Oh, because I used to have a really hard time with words when I was getting touched because I was like,

00:39:36:22 - 00:39:46:00

Jiavani

I think as far as I can remember, I've always been a big communicator. I think that, like the shortest distance between two points is saying exactly what I want.

00:39:46:01 - 00:39:47:09

Jiavani

And I.

00:39:47:09 - 00:39:48:20

Jiavani

Am into getting what I want.

00:39:48:21 - 00:39:52:13

Luna

I love it. Okay. So if you have what you want, other ways you like to come?

00:39:52:15 - 00:39:53:18

Jiavani

00:39:53:20 - 00:40:02:05

Jiavani

I really like role play as an improviser. As a performer. That's you've gotten to grand scale. So like in terms.

00:40:02:05 - 00:40:04:15

Jiavani

Of, like time period.

00:40:04:17 - 00:40:07:10

Luna

You do you do costumes or is it all just talk?

00:40:07:10 - 00:40:36:13

Jiavani

I don't do I don't do costumes. It's just like really just like setting the scene, like talking it out. Dirty talk. Similarly, I think like the best dirty talk I ever had was I was hooking up with an Irish person in Scotland who had responded to my yes collecting accents thing, and I was so impressed with, like I told him when we were messaging, I was like, I was like, I need you to be talking the entire time that we hook up.

00:40:36:13 - 00:40:50:05

Jiavani

Like, is that agreeable to you? I will not be having sex with a man. I'll be having sex with an accent. Are you comfortable with that? You're going to be objectified specifically for your accent. And he's like, I'm here for you here.

00:40:50:06 - 00:40:51:00

Luna

But he was there for it.

00:40:51:00 - 00:40:53:14

Jiavani

Absolutely. So excited.

00:40:53:16 - 00:40:57:08

Jiavani

Oh, this is all this is all laid out before. But I.

00:40:57:10 - 00:41:05:22

Jiavani

I was like, tell me about fucking me. I think that was all the prompt that he had was telling me about fucking me.

00:41:06:00 - 00:41:07:04

Jiavani

And he goes.

00:41:07:06 - 00:41:08:23

Jiavani

It's 1804.

00:41:09:01 - 00:41:12:12

Jiavani

Ellis silent. Yeah. Oh, I get off a boat.

00:41:12:12 - 00:41:17:09

Jiavani

And see a person I noticed right away. But it's my first day in the new world.

00:41:17:15 - 00:41:34:17

Jiavani

And I've got to get my feet. I got to get I got to get my bearings. It's like what, what comes, he goes. It's five years later. Oh, okay. Okay. It's five years later. It's five years later.

00:41:34:18 - 00:41:38:14

Luna

You're like, I'm going to objectify you. He's like, I want to make a relationship.

00:41:38:16 - 00:41:42:02

Jiavani

It was so. It was so detailed.

00:41:42:05 - 00:41:43:12

Luna

I fucking love.

00:41:43:12 - 00:41:49:23

Jiavani

That. Yeah. Hunt. Beautiful. Can I keep going? Please keep going. Please keep so good. Yeah. It's five years later.

00:41:50:00 - 00:41:52:12

Jiavani

I'm in overalls with no shirt.

00:41:52:16 - 00:42:28:00

Jiavani

I've got a huge block of ice and force that metal forceps. And I take them to your residence. You open the door, you're in a beautiful brown dress with less trim. You own your own business. You've got a soap company. A little business owner into that. Trust me, it's so progressive. Suck up as we read this, I honestly don't remember the sex part of the story because the set up was so masterful, but so.

00:42:28:02 - 00:42:28:04

Luna

The.

00:42:28:05 - 00:42:33:21

Jiavani

Fuck, Wow. So the dirty talk, the role play.

00:42:33:23 - 00:42:45:20

Jiavani

I was in a show, not a famous one, but it was a Harry Potter parody about teen Voldemort. And I played the Genie Voldemort snake, and I ended up.

00:42:45:22 - 00:42:49:01

Jiavani

Making eyes with this Harry Potter tour guide.

00:42:49:01 - 00:42:49:12

Jiavani

This is this.

00:42:49:12 - 00:42:51:05

Jiavani

Is a, in Scotland.

00:42:51:06 - 00:42:52:20

Jiavani

I was doing a lot in Scotland.

00:42:52:22 - 00:42:53:12

Jiavani

They have a lot.

00:42:53:12 - 00:42:54:10

Jiavani

Of Harry Potter tours.

00:42:54:10 - 00:43:04:10

Jiavani

There because it's where. Yeah. See who shall not be named. Yeah. Wrote two books. Yeah. So make eyes with this Harry Potter tour guide. We end up hooking up later.

00:43:04:12 - 00:43:04:19

Jiavani

And.

00:43:04:19 - 00:43:08:01

Jiavani

Doing this like Voldemort. The tiny.

00:43:08:02 - 00:43:08:11

Jiavani

Role.

00:43:08:11 - 00:43:12:05

Jiavani

Play that was so fucked up.

00:43:12:07 - 00:43:19:20

Luna

Can you share details there? Slithering or slither ins? Oh, la.

00:43:19:22 - 00:43:27:18

Jiavani

Oh oh, I felt that in my bloody, I'm into it. Was there anything.

00:43:27:20 - 00:43:33:18

Luna

I would be like, or is that more lizard? No. You'll be a snake with a. Yeah. Snakes stick their tongues out really fast.

00:43:33:22 - 00:43:36:09

Jiavani

Yeah. I mean, look.

00:43:36:11 - 00:43:51:22

Jiavani

I feel like there's so much in roleplay stuff sometimes there's just, like, rules of the world that you have to figure out. Yeah, because, like, within her, the genie is a human who, like, takes snake form.

00:43:52:00 - 00:43:55:19

Jiavani

So there's, like, many humanoid elements to my performance.

00:43:55:19 - 00:44:04:01

Luna

So you're playing pretend we're, we're adult humans playing pretend. And when people I mean, that's that's where I'm like, wait, so some pretend zoo kids and pretend. Yeah. Okay.

00:44:04:01 - 00:44:04:17

Jiavani

Oh, yeah.

00:44:04:23 - 00:44:06:02

Jiavani

And when I say fucked up.

00:44:06:02 - 00:44:22:18

Jiavani

It's not like it's not to say like, oh, it's wrong. Just like, dude, that looks like abstract meaning of not not steeped in shame at all. Which is like, this got got weird, it got weird. And that's fun. Like, it was fun.

00:44:22:19 - 00:44:35:21

Luna

So do you identify as kinky? You were submissive with this foot done. And has that lasted? And then I really want to know when you started playing with like group things and all of that. Oh yeah. I ask too many questions at once.

00:44:35:21 - 00:44:37:14

Jiavani

No, no, I'll get kinky to me.

00:44:37:14 - 00:45:02:13

Jiavani

Feels like just like you into alt shit. Like, yes. Power dynamic stuff. Yes. I have only recently expanded my, like, self-identification in terms of like, I was like, I'm a hard sub, I'm not a switch. I am not interested in dancing that does nothing for me. I am capable of doing anything. But it does not turn me on.

00:45:02:13 - 00:45:13:07

Jiavani

It's not something that I would elect for myself. And then I damned a couple that I see. I was about to say, per their request, but that's not true. I had an inkling.

00:45:13:09 - 00:45:30:21

Luna

When the vibe is there with the right person. Yeah, I think almost anything is possible and it's very, very relational and it's very different from like the whole. While I no longer receive personal messages on FET life, but the messages that I'll receive from like online submissives, which I think, you know, it's not.

00:45:30:23 - 00:45:31:12

Jiavani

It's not the.

00:45:31:12 - 00:45:46:09

Luna

Place to find them in terms of if someone is like seeking me out and I didn't invite them into my sphere where it's like Mistress Miller, and to go pay someone for that, go pay a program or pay me to be your product, you know. But if the vibe is there. Yeah, I'm. I tracked it, so it just came up organically.

00:45:46:09 - 00:45:51:20

Jiavani

It came up. It came up. Like, while I was fantasizing about them.

00:45:51:22 - 00:45:54:09

Jiavani

And I was surprised and.

00:45:54:09 - 00:46:02:15

Jiavani

A little scared because I was like, I really was, like, set in my ways about what I thought. I was really limiting myself.

00:46:02:17 - 00:46:04:22

Jiavani

And discover. Yeah, it was really.

00:46:04:22 - 00:46:10:02

Jiavani

Fun and I like I messaged them and was like, I'm having this type of inclination.

00:46:10:02 - 00:46:13:12

Jiavani

They're like, yeah, lean into it. Great.

00:46:13:14 - 00:46:35:22

Jiavani

And then was able to explore that on my own terms. I think that like when I thought about what a Domme is, I had a pretty limited idea is I've had many Doms and in my days and I'm like, that's not really for me. But it's like, okay, well, how do you Dom. Yeah. And there's like like like having sex with me.

00:46:35:22 - 00:46:48:08

Jiavani

There's a playfulness to it. There's an authenticity to it. So it's not like I am a completely different person when I dominate. It's like, I'm still Giovanni, but this is how it's going to go down.

00:46:48:08 - 00:46:48:15

Jiavani

Yeah.

00:46:48:17 - 00:47:18:05

Jiavani

I am so grateful for ongoing relationships, and that's something that I'm valuing more, I think in this like part of my journey. And as a person who likes to discover things that like there's a ton to be explored and played in at at parties and hookups and things like that, but like a recurring sexual relationship has to some different opportunities.

00:47:18:05 - 00:47:19:00

Jiavani

Totally.

00:47:19:02 - 00:47:22:08

Jiavani

And I'm really glad that I've gotten to explore that part of myself.

00:47:22:10 - 00:47:24:15

Jiavani

That's so cool.

00:47:24:17 - 00:47:26:13

Luna

What about more details on group play?

00:47:26:18 - 00:47:27:15

Jiavani

Yeah, I.

00:47:27:15 - 00:47:59:00

Jiavani

Really, really like threesome fours. I think this is like, these are nice numbers. The three's been interesting because it's been changing. It started out, very much like I would meet a couple and they would invite me to join them, and that's been great. And that's kind of like how I saw three ways. And then and then I've also, on a much rarer occasion, been in a couple that has a third, which.

00:47:59:02 - 00:48:05:16

Jiavani

For me is like, hum, I don't love it. For whatever reason, I, I love it so far, so far.

00:48:05:16 - 00:48:07:01

Jiavani

Because maybe there's a difference.

00:48:07:01 - 00:48:31:05

Luna

I think it had I had a similar experience the couple times that I was, you know, with my former Dom, and we brought people in it. Well, I don't know, I really liked the, the ladies that we brought in, but the experience as a whole did not strengthen our relationship. And I as a third, when I come in like really love to celebrate the couple and I won't like, I kind of like feel out for like, oh, are you guys solid?

00:48:31:05 - 00:48:37:01

Luna

Is this going to be a party? Am I here to celebrate? And also, are you going to worship me too? You know, like and if it's not that I don't want it.

00:48:37:01 - 00:48:38:05

Jiavani

It's can be it can.

00:48:38:05 - 00:48:43:22

Jiavani

Be scary when not solid is. It? Really doesn't feel safe. I've been like yelled

00:48:44:00 - 00:48:45:00

Luna

The fuck that.

00:48:45:00 - 00:48:49:11

Jiavani

I'm I here that stuff that's like not not cool. Yeah. Because people weren't.

00:48:49:11 - 00:48:50:18

Jiavani

Ready.

00:48:50:20 - 00:48:58:18

Luna

And I am kind of like, I'm like, I don't really want to be your beginner person, but I know some ladies who work at legal brothels that'll help.

00:48:58:18 - 00:49:00:00

Jiavani

You. Yeah.

00:49:00:03 - 00:49:06:09

Jiavani

I'm like. And it's like, I want to protect myself. I want to be like, no first time couples. But like, I've had some first.

00:49:06:09 - 00:49:09:20

Jiavani

Like, the rituals that relate with that were totally right. Yes.

00:49:09:21 - 00:49:11:18

Jiavani

Then totally. Yeah. Were a veil.