245 | What Makes A Good Lover: Tom on Woo
- Luna Robbie
- Dec 29, 2023
- 41 min read
56 year old white bisexual male, he/him pronouns, a mental Dom who focuses on deep subspace with his submissive, into: kink, bondage, flogging, being pegged, and role-play.
00:00:00:07 - 00:00:23:13
Luna
And our guest today is a 56 year old white, bisexual male who has been monogamous, only married for over 20 years. To us, this woman with whom he has an understanding, a kinky domme who is into bondage, flogging, giving and receiving anal naughty roleplay and over the knee spankings, who loves taking his submissive partner deep into subspace. He works in criminal justice and is from Northern California.
00:00:23:13 - 00:00:25:21
Luna
Welcome, Tom.
00:00:25:23 - 00:00:28:01
Tom
Hey. Thank you. Welcome.
00:00:28:03 - 00:00:44:00
Luna
Welcome me. I'm so excited to have you here. Can you start off by telling us if you had to rate yourself on a sexual shaming meter with ten being so full of shame and one being not really shaming at all, where do you fall today, right now? And where do you fall like in general, if there's a roller coaster.
00:00:44:02 - 00:00:51:12
Tom
Right now, in this exact moment, zero. I have no shame. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, whatever you want to ask.
00:00:51:16 - 00:00:59:12
Luna
I'll tell you what about in the rest of your life. Like, are there shaming moments or kind of like, where are your numbers? Hover in polite society.
00:00:59:14 - 00:01:06:11
Tom
As far as my sex life, it is private, so I don't have any shame about it.
00:01:06:12 - 00:01:07:15
Luna
00:01:07:17 - 00:01:31:01
Tom
I just found a lot of people didn't know about it. They know I have it. I kind of have a sex life. They don't know the full details of my dominant side. One friend knows a little bit about it, but I don't think anybody on the outside world, if they were to realize that I have a dumb side in the things I do and why I do them would see me that way.
00:01:31:03 - 00:01:34:19
Tom
But that's because I just try to be an ordinary good guy.
00:01:35:00 - 00:01:49:09
Luna
I think that's the first time someone has been like, not I'm shame because I got secrets or, you know, secrecy versus privacy. I have private. Yeah. What do we call those? What's the privacy version of a secret I have private? Nope. That's different. I mean, you do.
00:01:49:10 - 00:01:56:12
Tom
Yeah, I know you're private. I've listened to all of them. You had written them. I would have read them all. Yes.
00:01:56:13 - 00:02:01:06
Luna
Can you tell us what is sex to you?
00:02:01:08 - 00:02:33:06
Tom
That's a multi-tiered question. Sex to me. Can. Let's start at the bottom tier. It can be no intercourse. It starts out like your high school teenagers in the back of a car kissing and making out and, you know, grinding it each other and humping. You know, but it doesn't have to lead to intercourse or anything. It's about the mental, emotional, physical connection at the time.
00:02:33:08 - 00:02:56:06
Tom
And that's very sexual. Substitute sensual if you wish. But that's the first tier and the other one's built on that. Then there's sex that I have with my submissive. That is just raw. At the time, we're having this raw, carnal, lusting sex. She's not my submissive. She's my lover.
00:02:56:08 - 00:02:57:00
Luna
00:02:57:02 - 00:02:58:08
Tom
I separated to.
00:02:58:10 - 00:02:58:23
Luna
Really.
00:02:59:00 - 00:03:27:09
Tom
Try to. And you know sometimes she likes a little rough. You know we haven't, been together in a while and more than not, if it's, difficult reentry. She doesn't care. She'll say push through, shall we say, because she has a very passionate, loving, deep other side to which I'll get injured. That's the third tier. But she enjoys being made love to.
00:03:27:11 - 00:03:28:06
Luna
00:03:28:08 - 00:04:09:17
Tom
And getting fucked. Ending on. You know what's going on. Yeah. In the third tier. Back to the making love. She once asked me what's the difference between fucking and making love. I said I'll show you. And one time we were together. I took her back into the bedroom and I slowly, gently put all my heart and soul into kissing her, nibbling the longer earlobe, kissing her down her neck, suckling on her nipples, just building all the gentle sensuality that I could when we had intercourse.
00:04:09:17 - 00:04:14:08
Tom
It was not raw or rough. It was spiritual.
00:04:14:10 - 00:04:15:03
Luna
00:04:15:05 - 00:04:44:21
Tom
She's calling it the sheets because the sensual intensity is building and that's making love. Fucking is not making love. Making love is being passionate and soulful and emotionally and mentally engaged with your partner, with what you're doing, with caring and love and so forth. Fucking is fucking. You can do that with yours. So for what's a Fleshlight, it doesn't matter.
00:04:44:23 - 00:04:47:11
Tom
It's.
00:04:47:13 - 00:05:02:10
Luna
I caught my first video from someone that had a Fleshlight today, and I was like, I get to see it up close. What a great multi-tiered answer. Also, if ever in the future to discover other tiers or sub tiers or like whatever, I'm always here for that update.
00:05:02:12 - 00:05:06:06
Tom
Those sub tiers are definitely interested.
00:05:06:07 - 00:05:14:01
Luna
Oh yeah, good point. Of course you are. Tell us, how does sex influence your life?
00:05:14:03 - 00:05:36:03
Tom
Well, I listened to your podcast during the day while I'm working. So there's that influence. Well you know I have a boring government paper pusher kind of job. I need some kind of entertainment to keep me going through the day and to enlighten my way of thinking. There's been many a podcast that I thought, oh, never thought about it that way.
00:05:36:09 - 00:06:01:11
Tom
Oh, God, I wish I could tell you this. Or I could tell the interviewee I want to jump into that. So otherwise, my daily life, it's not a thing. I'm mid 50s. And to all the younger fans of yours and listeners, you know, you interview a lot of people between their 20s and end up. Things change after you've been married a while.
00:06:01:17 - 00:06:02:04
Luna
00:06:02:06 - 00:06:21:13
Tom
Mother nature has a way of changing things after you've been married a while. So just be prepared for that. Don't jump ship just because the passionate sex isn't there anymore. Find something else to keep that anchored. Don't just jump ship and move on to the next iPhone. That came over.
00:06:21:15 - 00:06:37:01
Luna
Is there an influence though. Like when you're getting fucked because it sounds like you have a really hot, sexy relationship in your life. And does that fuel your life in some way, shape or form? Or maybe just give us a little overview of what your sex life is like right now in your favorite parts?
00:06:37:03 - 00:06:39:22
Tom
Well, actually, it's going to be a little disappointing.
00:06:40:00 - 00:06:41:11
Luna
Oh, okay.
00:06:41:13 - 00:06:53:16
Tom
Because me and my lover and submissive, who is my best friend, we see each other frequently, but we haven't had the opportunity to get together and play in any way, shape or form in a while.
00:06:53:18 - 00:06:55:09
Luna
Okay. Months.
00:06:55:11 - 00:07:27:21
Tom
That was until last Wednesday. Oh, and she came over for what I call maintenance spanking. I believe they're important in the Bdsm relationship, at least in my style. Relationship? Those endorphins and such. They don't just fade away. They're always being refreshed. And last Wednesday, after a really good maintenance spanking that reads, she is only one of two submissives that has orgasms from spanking.
00:07:27:23 - 00:07:41:16
Luna
I have read about this and I'm so curious. And also I like was slapping myself in the bathtub this week just for funsies. But pussy slapping, not spanking slapping. And I was like, oh, maybe. But was she always like that?
00:07:41:18 - 00:07:45:21
Tom
No, she was never like that. She's never been Bdsm relationship in her life.
00:07:45:23 - 00:07:53:02
Luna
No, no, no. But like the spankings, like from the beginning, was it like day one of the spanking? She's like, oh, this don't make me come. No, it's something, you.
00:07:53:03 - 00:07:59:19
Tom
Know, she she didn't even know she could come from being spanked. I didn't know she could come from being spanked.
00:07:59:21 - 00:08:00:15
Luna
Interesting.
00:08:00:17 - 00:08:31:10
Tom
Like, she was fairly a newbie to the lifestyle when we got started in this. And I wasn't trying to make this happen. It's not like I was fondling her or fingering her or using a toy on her while I'm spanking her. Yeah. No, no, I think it was. It developed because of the amount of trust that we have with each other, and the love and desire we have for each other.
00:08:31:12 - 00:08:54:02
Tom
I think that's where the genesis, you know, the birthstone of that came from, from spanking her. And grabbing hold of her ponytail and pulling it a little tight so her hair tugs at the same time for 70 and orgasm in my lap. That was amazing, because I didn't expect that from her. I've only had one of her submissive not do that.
00:08:54:07 - 00:09:20:21
Tom
But not only has she been able to have orgasms from spanking over my knee, actually more correctly in my lap. She's been able to have multiples. Wow. She doesn't have orgasms every time, but she has. And there have been a few times she's had multiples. So that leads up to after our last maintenance spanking. We pretty much couldn't help but keep our hands off of each other and had good nights.
00:09:20:21 - 00:09:43:07
Luna
Fucking amazing. This is the first time I'm hearing the phrase maintenance spanking, and I'm relatively new to spanking. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I'm a generalist, okay? I have a long bucket list and I've spent two years organizing it, and I'm just getting started, truly. And I am so curious, like you said, a little bit about endorphins, but I'm not sure I totally understand.
00:09:43:07 - 00:09:50:21
Luna
Like, tell me more about, like, your understanding of maintenance spanking. Maybe just give me a little primer on it.
00:09:50:23 - 00:10:01:11
Tom
After a good spanking if I do it correctly and I spanker asked in the right spots when she goes to work the next day and sits down, she's going to remember that.
00:10:01:14 - 00:10:03:08
Luna
Oh yeah.
00:10:03:10 - 00:10:08:07
Tom
Okay. So the point of a maintenance spanking is to keep her at that level.
00:10:08:09 - 00:10:09:20
Luna
00:10:09:22 - 00:10:16:12
Tom
If timing allows and family issues don't get in the way, it could be a weekly thing.
00:10:16:14 - 00:10:18:11
Luna
Does she get bruises anymore?
00:10:18:12 - 00:10:21:12
Tom
Does she get bruises? Oh, yes.
00:10:21:14 - 00:10:31:23
Luna
I don't know, because I know some people's bodies adjust and they stop getting bruises after a while. And I have not been spanked once a week ever. Oh, no no, no.
00:10:31:23 - 00:10:40:04
Tom
Okay, so she bruises up nicely. Oh, we've had a period of time where we haven't been able to play, so we're building back up to that.
00:10:40:07 - 00:10:40:19
Luna
That's so.
00:10:40:19 - 00:11:03:14
Tom
Hard. But I use my hands primarily. I love using my hands and I'm very tactile that way. Not to mention, she's got a beautiful ass just lying there. It's like, yummy. She can brush my hand spanking alone. But as the spanking builds up, we can move on to other things. I have a wooden paddle that I loved used.
00:11:03:14 - 00:11:26:19
Tom
There's even a video of it on my profile in life. Ping pong paddles are a great starter kit for any of you out there looking for something other than your hand. Ping pong paddles are great. Just realize they're meant to play a lot of force in one spot, right? So be gentle with them at first until you understand how much impact they actually have.
00:11:26:19 - 00:11:30:18
Tom
Because they sure have a whole lot more impact than you might think.
00:11:30:20 - 00:11:40:23
Luna
I would also imagine that texture is a very specific feeling. I also really like hairbrush it like paddle hairbrushes. Love those wooden or the plastic ones are so silly.
00:11:41:00 - 00:11:42:23
Tom
Oh, I agree, but that's what this is for.
00:11:43:03 - 00:11:57:19
Luna
Okay, so we are looking at like kind of a skinny ish paddle that has a little handle here. And we've got two holes. Are they. Do they go in at all or are they just right next to each other. Like is there a texture on those holes or are they kind of flush with the paddle?
00:11:57:23 - 00:12:00:18
Tom
The cave in turn making a nice little moon.
00:12:00:20 - 00:12:01:16
Luna
Oh, I love it.
00:12:01:20 - 00:12:17:18
Tom
There's that. And then I've recently purchased a new toy that she really seems to like. We need to have a lot more practice with it. It's a different sound writing problem. It's got a good solid wood handle, brass rivets holding up to a leather.
00:12:17:18 - 00:12:23:14
Luna
Strap that's like a belt strap. Oh, I love those that count as a crop.
00:12:23:16 - 00:12:28:22
Tom
Yeah, because you smack a horse on the ass. This is going to move. Although she's not allowed to move it.
00:12:29:00 - 00:12:32:19
Luna
Squiggling is the funnest part. She's not allowed to move open.
00:12:32:19 - 00:12:35:07
Tom
She can't entryway off my lap with it.
00:12:35:09 - 00:12:51:12
Luna
Okay. One of my favorite things is when I'm getting too squiggly. If the person who is holding me over their knee. Like I don't actually even know how this happens. Now that I'm trying to describe what's happening out loud, maybe it's like they cross their legs over me so I can't move. I'm not. I actually have no idea what's happening.
00:12:51:12 - 00:12:54:21
Luna
I'm gonna have to ask them. Do you know what I mean? Like.
00:12:54:23 - 00:13:08:21
Tom
Yeah, I do, but I prefer her to just lie flat on my lap. I want her to squirm and undulate and let those emotions and tingly feelings and all that just flow.
00:13:08:23 - 00:13:20:17
Luna
Yeah. That's so hot. Could you tell us, how are you personally making the world your world, a sexier, more loving place?
00:13:20:19 - 00:13:50:04
Tom
If I talked to somebody new about the Bdsm lifestyle and there are vastly different worlds of it, some pretty dark and I don't approve of, but that's, you know, somebody who's new. And this is how we started, when she actually admitted, yes, she has some interest in this. I gave her a book to read, and this is the book that I recommend to every new person in the lifestyle.
00:13:50:06 - 00:13:56:13
Tom
And it's book from, Jay Wiseman, S.M. 101.
00:13:56:15 - 00:13:59:19
Luna
That's on my list, but I haven't read it yet. Okay, I'll read it next.
00:13:59:21 - 00:14:24:15
Tom
It's not all 50 Shades of Gray with the contracts and all that and stuff. It's more about a mutual understanding. You can have written contract, but it's about understanding each other, being on the same page as far as what limits are, what soft limits, hard limits and things that need to be discussed. And for somebody that's new in the lifestyle, I think it's an excellent starting point.
00:14:24:18 - 00:14:50:16
Tom
So if they come across somebody that's just not right, they know what the safe place should be. They have the basic information, the Satan. Okay, I was interested, but now you're getting weird and I don't want to go there. And we'll be persuaded because they understand the very basics of safe words and being safe and initial contacts.
00:14:50:20 - 00:14:57:05
Tom
Having a dear, trusted friend know where you are and when to hear back from.
00:14:57:07 - 00:15:08:19
Luna
Yes, kind of safety buddies, tell us what your sex education was like.
00:15:08:21 - 00:15:15:06
Luna
I feel the best answer I've gotten, or worst depending on how you look at it.
00:15:15:07 - 00:15:17:02
Tom
What education?
00:15:17:04 - 00:15:22:03
Luna
Okay, well, you got something. You learned something. You're here. So tell us about it.
00:15:22:05 - 00:15:25:16
Tom
That had nothing to do with primary education. I can tell.
00:15:25:16 - 00:15:29:12
Luna
You. So literally zero in school there was.
00:15:29:13 - 00:15:39:03
Tom
And I thought about this. I don't really remember any other thing. All I remember is, is kind of an awkward place to be in, and that's about it. I think it was middle school.
00:15:39:05 - 00:15:40:20
Luna
What about a sex talk.
00:15:40:22 - 00:15:42:09
Tom
With the parents.
00:15:42:11 - 00:15:44:17
Luna
Or anyone? Any adult? You trust me?
00:15:44:19 - 00:16:20:08
Tom
Okay, no not really. That was use protection. Things like that didn't really give any real sexual advice. But I'm in my 50s and I grew up in the 30s, so different views on different things and the world changes and so does, you know, lifestyles and ethics and vocabulary. You know, there are some things that were said on TV and stuff in the 60s and 70s and even ladies that would offend a dramatic number of people if they were said today.
00:16:20:10 - 00:16:30:13
Tom
So vocabulary change as well, in the way people are described and such. So now there wasn't a whole lot of the sex talk, because I think that's just the way things were then.
00:16:30:15 - 00:16:39:05
Luna
They okay, what are safer sex conversations like for you now and how did you learn to have them?
00:16:39:07 - 00:17:02:06
Tom
My wife and I were swinging. We were particular about the, playground. It was called that we went to. It was run by a nurse. So she was very particular about, you know, safe sex and so forth. I mean, there were beds and pillows lining the practically the walls. You can, you know, do anything just about anywhere.
00:17:02:11 - 00:17:21:04
Tom
But there was also full of condoms in every possible room. I think if you open the refrigerator, you water. There's a bowl of comments in there. And with my submissive, we communicated with each other and were upfront with each other with any concerns or anything we had before any intercourse took place.
00:17:21:06 - 00:17:29:20
Luna
Did that include testing? Does it include protection, like tell us kind of like what your personal needs are around your own health and safety. With partners.
00:17:29:22 - 00:17:54:17
Tom
Protection is on the table. We are fluid bonded to the best of our knowledge. There's no surprises at this point, but we'd be honest with each other if it did because she has a personal life outside. That's right. She's mother working mom. She's not married in a sense to me. Although kind of if you want to consider the wedding ceremony we have.
00:17:54:19 - 00:18:04:20
Tom
So, you know, she has a boyfriend, you know, and if there was anything that was ever a concern, she dumped, that's all there was to see.
00:18:04:20 - 00:18:19:19
Luna
You guys have open communication, and it sounds like you have talked about the level of risk that you're both comfortable with and sounds like you both have, you know, other people in your life who may be affected and you have a system that works for you, correct?
00:18:19:21 - 00:18:38:15
Tom
No concerns about pregnancy. I come in every hole and on her face and on her tits and just wherever the moment feels the best place. Sometimes she'll be sucking my guts and getting close. Where do you want it? And she'll say, oh, my tits or oh, my face or or she'll just keep going.
00:18:38:15 - 00:18:43:11
Luna
That's nice. You let her pick. Well, yeah. Well, she's.
00:18:43:13 - 00:18:47:12
Tom
Making me feel really good. Why would I want to make her stop?
00:18:47:13 - 00:18:58:12
Luna
Take us now through your personal sexual timeline, starting with your very first memories and your earliest understandings of sex.
00:18:58:14 - 00:19:27:03
Tom
I think I was introduced to it via a black and white porno my dad had somewhere. And so that's what sex is. Okay, don't think I talked to friends about it, but I do recall that was my body developed more, I guess having fantasies of sort. They were kinky then.
00:19:27:05 - 00:19:33:18
Luna
Can you give us a little sense of how old were you when you first were exposed to the porno? And like when these fantasies started.
00:19:33:20 - 00:20:00:12
Tom
7 or 8 and those fantasies were there. I hadn't even discovered masturbation at that point. Those fantasies and urges were rolling. I remember there was a time that these stirrings in me, and I thought they had to be sexually related. Somehow. I didn't really fully understand what sex was. I just knew that what I was watching was very arousing.
00:20:00:14 - 00:20:03:14
Luna
Okay. And you knew that was sex?
00:20:03:16 - 00:20:26:03
Tom
Yeah. At the time. Yeah, that was sex. That's what sex is, is people doing that thing that they're doing on the street. You know, I don't remember when it was or was after the porno or not, that I came downstairs and told my mom and dad to give me a Barbie for my G.I. Joe.
00:20:26:05 - 00:20:27:04
Luna
Did they.
00:20:27:06 - 00:20:29:19
Tom
Know? But that got me a subscription to Playboy.
00:20:29:21 - 00:20:32:01
Luna
Really? How old were you?
00:20:32:03 - 00:20:34:12
Tom
Well, it was in his name, but ten.
00:20:34:14 - 00:20:37:07
Luna
Okay, so that was your sex education?
00:20:37:09 - 00:20:39:04
Tom
Yeah. Kind of, I guess. Yeah.
00:20:39:06 - 00:20:48:20
Luna
What do you remember learning from it or seeing in it? I haven't looked at very many old playboys, although I did buy myself some boxes of them. Did it have anything about S&M or was it pretty tame? Okay.
00:20:48:23 - 00:21:15:04
Tom
Playboys. Pretty damn beautiful women. Nudity, lovely shapes. You have the childhood thing. It's hard for me to process what happened, when and how. I do know I had these urges. I couldn't figure out what they were accepted. I really needed a Barbie doll, and somehow that would solve the problem. But I don't think I fully understood what they were.
00:21:15:06 - 00:21:19:23
Luna
Yeah. When did you start discovering exploring your own body?
00:21:20:01 - 00:21:54:11
Tom
I remember the first time I experienced masturbation. Well, that's for sure. With the ejaculation, I was in the shower with soap stroking myself, and I had this tingly feeling and rush of plushness, and I orgasm for the first time. I thought, wow, that was amazing. Can you do it again? So, that was my, first experience with that important next would be a high school girlfriend.
00:21:54:12 - 00:22:22:06
Tom
In essence, she taught me how to kiss because I was so shy and just so scared that I couldn't bring myself to kiss her. So she kissed me. And then she taught me how to do tongue and so forth. And that jump started a lot of kissing and groping, but never led to sex. Years later, she told me her mom thought I'd be her first, but that wasn't the case.
00:22:22:08 - 00:22:51:23
Tom
Oh, my first wasn't until my next girlfriend, which they knew each other. In fact, she told my new girlfriend, hey, I taught him how to kiss, so you owe me. That relationship started in high school. There was a lot of kissing, a lot of groping, a lot of making out, a lot of times in a parked car, kissing and masturbating each other to orgasm.
00:22:52:01 - 00:23:06:19
Tom
We didn't actually get to having sex until much later. As 19, my friend's father wanted to auction me off as a virgin to pay off the mortgage on his house.
00:23:06:21 - 00:23:23:03
Luna
I wish I had thought of that. I was like trying to lose my virginity. I'm like, oh my God, people sell that damn phony. I'd known back then. Okay, so you had some sexual experiences and then you had like, intercourse. Like, what was important about that for you.
00:23:23:05 - 00:24:01:13
Tom
As a teenage boy? It was very important to me because I was no longer going to be scared of it. First time we had sex was on said friend's father's house on the couch. For me, it was amazing. She wasn't a virgin, but I was. And there was a joy and euphoria as our relationship developed. I just had these instinctual urges of wanting to go down on her and somehow instinctively knew generally no where to kiss, where to lick, where to perform cunnilingus.
00:24:01:15 - 00:24:06:14
Tom
It was early on like that that I learned how to read my partner's body language.
00:24:06:19 - 00:24:07:17
Luna
00:24:07:19 - 00:24:20:22
Tom
So I did this feels good to her. If I don't do that, seems to do nothing for her. So I learned to try to pick up the subtle signs so that next time I could be a little bit better and a little bit better.
00:24:21:04 - 00:24:25:08
Luna
Was that all you putting the pieces together? Did you have verbal conversations?
00:24:25:10 - 00:24:53:00
Tom
A little hard to explain. Even back then, I was picking up senses of body language, and as far as the way her breathing would change, or I could feel her heart rate change, or I could feel her tremble or her legs clench or moaning and, you know, picking up on those subtle misses of the changes that her body was experiencing helped me understand it more.
00:24:53:00 - 00:24:58:06
Tom
And I don't know how much we talked about it after, except that she really wanted me to do it again.
00:24:58:08 - 00:24:58:22
Luna
That's a pretty good.
00:24:58:22 - 00:25:01:09
Tom
And again, again and again and again and again.
00:25:01:11 - 00:25:11:08
Luna
That's the key. Maybe. Okay, so when did you discover your dominant self and your bisexual self?
00:25:11:10 - 00:25:19:12
Tom
There was a S&M part of my life that I didn't realize. That's what it was then as an adolescent.
00:25:19:14 - 00:25:20:12
Luna
Yeah, yeah.
00:25:20:14 - 00:25:56:18
Tom
It was 7 or 8 years old visiting my cousin, staying over the night, and we would talk about these, I guess, fantasies. You would describe them now about having girls we liked tied up and like a little pattern wheel of some sort, constantly spanking their private part and, you know, pussy slapping on and on and on. And, you know, we talked about different ways that we could do this and, you know, have them suspend by rope from the wrists and various things.
00:25:56:18 - 00:26:33:02
Tom
And at that age, I didn't know anything, but it was there. I learned to be a Dom pretty much by instinct. And when I look back at it through this question, it was always there in some form. I think it was until many, many years later. I let it evolve. When I started practicing Bdsm was late 30s. My wife and I were swingers and we would do that fairly regularly.
00:26:33:04 - 00:26:47:22
Tom
She called me one day after work and said, hey, we're going to go over to so-and-so's house after work and have margaritas. I said, we are. So yeah, I said, I don't know these people, where do I want to go? Spend time with.
00:26:47:22 - 00:26:52:10
Luna
Them. Your least favorite thing? Places with people you don't know exactly.
00:26:52:16 - 00:27:03:04
Tom
And I thought, okay, oh no, but I'm former Navy. And it turns out he was a former marine, so we naturally connected.
00:27:03:06 - 00:27:06:16
Luna
Oh, you didn't fight about which branch was better?
00:27:06:18 - 00:27:08:19
Tom
Navy Marines are like siblings.
00:27:08:21 - 00:27:10:10
Luna
Oh, really? Okay.
00:27:10:12 - 00:27:16:18
Tom
Only we can give each other a bad time back. The only bar fight I was in and military was on an army post.
00:27:16:20 - 00:27:24:14
Luna
My dad's air force, one uncle's navy. The other one is army. So they were, you know, they were always like,
00:27:24:16 - 00:27:59:09
Tom
I can only imagine that his wife came home and, you know, we started talking and everybody drinking. And as things went on, we just got real comfortable with each other. He and I are sitting at the kitchen table with our cocktails, and all of a sudden, I don't know how this happened. It's never been explained to me, but my wife and his wife come back from the other room holding hands and I thought, okay, I didn't see that coming.
00:27:59:11 - 00:28:19:21
Tom
And I looked at him and I said, did I see what I think I saw? He goes, oh, I should have warned you. My wife's body and my wife and her hit it off that first night. We damn near ended up naked in the hot tub, but my wife pump the brakes on that said not we need to go.
00:28:19:23 - 00:28:27:07
Tom
So she got me home. And the next morning we're in bed. And where we set up, did he set us up? Did he know this was.
00:28:27:07 - 00:28:28:09
Luna
Going to happen?
00:28:28:11 - 00:28:39:18
Tom
And then we talked to him. He's all, oh, hell no, I had no idea. But if you guys were interested and it's like they didn't know we're swingers. They had no idea.
00:28:39:23 - 00:28:42:04
Luna
Oh, interesting. Okay.
00:28:42:06 - 00:28:49:07
Tom
The theory was that he wanted to get into my marriage. Yes, and he did. But that's not why he invited us over.
00:28:49:07 - 00:29:06:20
Luna
And he did it. Hey. It's okay. Okay. So they didn't know you were swingers. You didn't know that they were an option. Is what I'm hearing from this story. Exactly. But you guys just all hit it off, and then, like, did you tell them at any point you were swingers? Was she by? Were you by? Yes. Okay.
00:29:06:22 - 00:29:13:00
Tom
At that time I was not by. She was what we called by comfortable at that point.
00:29:13:01 - 00:29:13:12
Luna
Okay.
00:29:13:14 - 00:29:18:10
Tom
Okay. With being a woman but not really sure about how far she'd be willing to go or whatever.
00:29:18:12 - 00:29:39:06
Luna
Okay, so when you were 19, you had partnered sex for the first time, and it sounds like it was like really hot and like pretty vanilla ish. I don't want to put words in your mouth. And then late 30s, we have this hot couple that you've met and we have a buy comfortable and a not yet aware of by you.
00:29:39:08 - 00:29:54:07
Luna
So when you went into swinging, were you mostly swapping? And also what lit up like what were your 20s like? What happened before that? Like what vanilla pieces, you know, even if they aren't interesting. Like what got you to swing like, well, how did we get there?
00:29:54:09 - 00:30:13:04
Tom
I ended up getting divorced from my first wife, met my wife at the place I was working, my current wife. That's how we ended up getting together and getting married. As far as how we got to start getting into swinging, and because when we were first together, there wasn't a safe, flat surface anywhere.
00:30:13:06 - 00:30:14:05
Luna
Okay.
00:30:14:07 - 00:30:32:08
Tom
Side story we're driving home from a charitable event. She's had a couple of cocktails, and she decides she wants to lean over, unzip my pants and wheel my dick out. And it's like, okay, I can do this, I can, this is good. And then she leans over and starts sucking on it, and I'm looking for an off ramp.
00:30:32:14 - 00:30:43:06
Tom
Oh, and I found a pull out on the side of the road, and I pulled over, rolled down the dirt hill and parked, and she looked up at me and said, smart man.
00:30:43:08 - 00:30:53:16
Luna
That's hot. Is there anything we need to visit from your first marriage? Even if it's just to say the sex was like this or it was like that, or I learned this about myself, or I learned what I don't want.
00:30:53:18 - 00:31:00:16
Tom
The only thing about it is I got really good at cunnilingus, because she would rather I did that than have sex with her.
00:31:00:18 - 00:31:01:10
Luna
Okay.
00:31:01:12 - 00:31:08:17
Tom
You know, as soon as we were making out, you just start pushing my head down. Oh, okay. I, I yeah, she was aggressive about it.
00:31:08:19 - 00:31:20:01
Luna
How do you feel about that? I know a lot of vagina owners who are like, don't you fucking push my head down? And I'm sort of like, and once we're at this stage, if you'd like to push my head down, you know, like, how did it feel to you, though?
00:31:20:03 - 00:31:32:06
Tom
Early on it was all right. Right on. This rodeo is going to get started. And then later I saw it is more selfish because she wouldn't return the favor of oral sex.
00:31:32:08 - 00:31:36:07
Luna
Yeah, it's hard when our needs don't get met, to want to be as generous. That's all I ask.
00:31:36:09 - 00:32:02:22
Tom
Right? So that was with first with my loving wife. We had a fantastic sex life. Like I said, none of us see flat surface for out walking on the beach. And we saw two rocks in the cliffside that would provide privacy games on. But this is where the pitfalls of being married comes in. You're with the same partner all the time, and the sex is fantastic because infatuation, then lust and everything is right there.
00:32:03:03 - 00:32:12:09
Tom
But when you're in the same partner for a period of time, it gets repetitive, it gets boring, it gets comfortable, it gets.
00:32:12:11 - 00:32:13:08
Luna
Who.
00:32:13:10 - 00:32:21:11
Tom
Want to have sex tonight, All right. Should we put it in a porno? Sure. Get it started. But we're too young for that.
00:32:21:13 - 00:32:22:10
Luna
00:32:22:12 - 00:32:54:19
Tom
I suggested. Well, would you be interested in considering swinging? And she saw, I don't know. And then one night there was an HBO feature called Real Sex r e l m, and it was basically a documentary on swingers clubs and the way they were run and, you know, the people and how friendly they were and how great everybody was and how safety was a thing and how nobody was pressured to do anything.
00:32:54:19 - 00:33:04:10
Tom
You know, in the clubs, their playgrounds, they were interviewing. And she looked at me and said, if it's like that, I'm interested.
00:33:04:12 - 00:33:05:14
Luna
00:33:05:16 - 00:33:18:05
Tom
I said, okay, honey, why don't you look into it and let me know your interested. So I let her do the research and look into it and start that path for us.
00:33:18:08 - 00:33:19:07
Luna
Okay.
00:33:19:09 - 00:33:46:06
Tom
Because I didn't want to start it myself, be afraid that she felt she was being dragged along. I want her to drag my ass along. Okay. And she did. We put up a profile on Adultfriendfinder, and we met some couples there and played a little bit. And then she found this playground run by a nurse, and we went to a New Year's Eve event because she said, tell you what, you guys, come on down.
00:33:46:12 - 00:34:18:04
Tom
You don't have to do anything and keep the clothes on. Just check us out if you're interested then. Yeah, we'll see you again. If not, it was nice to have your company. So we went down and, you know, had some champagne and stuff. And so a lot going on. We didn't participate. We did stay the night. We did have sex with each other because pretty turned on by that point that evening after everybody had left and the next morning had breakfast with the, hosting couple in, decided, okay, next time we come down, we're going to get more involved.
00:34:18:06 - 00:34:25:11
Tom
So we're doing all that. And that's when the infamous tequila party arose.
00:34:25:13 - 00:34:26:10
Luna
Okay?
00:34:26:12 - 00:34:37:19
Tom
And now we know that they have an open relationship and we swing and we're all for interested in.
00:34:37:21 - 00:34:41:03
Luna
So the Holy Grail.
00:34:41:05 - 00:35:05:22
Tom
We started playing with them. Different rooms, different things. His wife was insatiable. This is how I got my first submissive. She was my first submissive. Because back to those instincts I was telling you about, there was something about her that I just felt, I don't know where exactly this may go, but I wonder, so she like to go out in the garage and make out, had the couch and stuff out there.
00:35:06:00 - 00:35:34:08
Tom
I was kissing her and I reached up to the back base of her neck. One of my fingers in her hair gently gave a tug, and she let out a breath of air. And I knew that she was submissive, and she was going to link spanking and nipple play and so forth. And then I leaned over and just slightly bit on her earlobe and got the same response.
00:35:34:08 - 00:36:01:07
Tom
And her lower lip, same response, like, okay, this is something we'll need to talk about next time. And that's where I really started in depth, consciously exploring my dominant side and her submissive side. And she was only the first submissive, but the first one to have orgasms from being spent.
00:36:01:09 - 00:36:03:08
Luna
Was that your first time spanking.
00:36:03:10 - 00:36:29:09
Tom
Yes. Ooh. But apparently I have a knack for it. Also apparently my touch does things to people. But yeah she was a pain slut. Loved be spanked and she bought me my first flutter which I still have today. It's a fabulous leather deerskin. If you're familiar with San Francisco area it was Madame s and she's no longer business.
00:36:29:09 - 00:36:37:15
Tom
But her husband has a large leather community called Mr. S, and he handmade the flowers. And this thing is beautiful.
00:36:37:21 - 00:36:38:19
Luna
00:36:38:21 - 00:37:09:13
Tom
So she gave it to me, and we played around with it. I restrained her with some rope pincher nipples and nipple clamps, and she was highly responsive to just about anything. And this is where we get into the difference of subspaces. We went to the Citadel, if you're familiar, in San Francisco, and I tied her to a Saint Andrew's cross and I was flogging her ruthlessly.
00:37:09:15 - 00:37:25:05
Tom
I don't know if it's the dopamine or the endorphins or what, but her brain chemistry, through all the intensity and sensations she was feeling, she went to a different place. She actually started laughing.
00:37:25:06 - 00:37:25:23
Luna
00:37:26:00 - 00:37:29:01
Tom
And the harder I plugged her, the more she laughed.
00:37:29:03 - 00:37:33:00
Luna
I'm kind of like that sometimes I get her stare cool.
00:37:33:02 - 00:38:04:14
Tom
And I had to go up to her and say, what's your safeword? Because I knew she was in a completely different realm. Yeah, good. And when we started doing this, every time, anytime we'd be playing and she'd start to get really into it, I would stop and ask her what her safer was. And the reason for that is I need her to be able to pull that word out of nowhere, no matter what state of mind she's in.
00:38:04:19 - 00:38:09:14
Tom
Yep. Or how deep in subspace she is. I need her to be able to pull that.
00:38:09:16 - 00:38:09:23
Luna
Yeah.
00:38:10:04 - 00:38:23:06
Tom
So I constantly be asking for to be planting that in her mind as things got deeper and deeper and deeper into subspace. Yeah, she was just into a different place. And frankly, my arm start.
00:38:23:08 - 00:38:25:20
Luna
I was gonna say, yeah.
00:38:25:22 - 00:38:49:12
Tom
So I started backing it down and I started caressing her, you know, rubbing her wrists around the shackles, feeling of fingertips. That's important with me. When you got somebody bound to constantly feel the fingertips, if they're getting cold or turning color, either loosen them or take them down so the blood can recirculate. That's a big indicator on me, you know, I took her down and I sat on the floor.
00:38:49:12 - 00:39:03:21
Tom
She curled up in my lap and I started the aftercare process, which is something I never really knew, but again, instinctually knew that somebody somebody's been gone to a different place. When they come back, they're going to need to feel safe.
00:39:03:23 - 00:39:04:15
Luna
00:39:04:17 - 00:39:36:16
Tom
So she just sat there on my lap and gently, you know, caressing her and talking to her gently and kissing her on her head and such, and her forehead and temples, she came back down and, you know, she said needle. Wow. I don't even know where I was. I said, that was amazing and was at that moment I realized, I'm not into this for the sex.
00:39:36:18 - 00:40:10:08
Tom
What drives me is that state of subspace. A lot of submissive gets up state subs subspace through the entire sexual enjoyment aspects of Bdsm. I looked for. Can I bring you to a different place? Can I make you forget your troubles and with my current submissive, when I was flogging her one time, she had a massive breakthrough as far as her tolerance and subspace.
00:40:10:10 - 00:40:20:23
Tom
She started crying and I checked in with her and said, are you okay? Are you hurt? And she goes, no, I've just never been so peaceful before.
00:40:21:04 - 00:40:23:01
Luna
00:40:23:03 - 00:40:25:19
Tom
And that is what drives me.
00:40:25:21 - 00:40:43:18
Luna
Okay. But how do you separate them though. Like I hear people talk about this and I'm like how do you separate a physical experience from a physical and mental and emotional experience. You know it's like it's like when on the neuroscience podcast when they're like it's the body versus the brain. I'm like, the brains. And then separate from your body.
00:40:43:18 - 00:40:47:23
Luna
The nervous system is a nervous system. Like, what's the distinction for you that feels important?
00:40:48:01 - 00:41:17:01
Tom
The easy way for me to separated is they're not separate. I just alter the direction of that desire and energy as this is going on. And the more aroused I get, I find I am more sensitive to being able to listen and hear and read and pay attention to the little nuances that my submissive is experiencing. It's not a desire to have sex with them.
00:41:17:03 - 00:41:52:13
Tom
It's the heightened attention that I get that allows me. I think, to be able to take these submissives to that different level of subspace. It's not sexually related. And the aftercare is even that much more important because they've taken their mind to a place where they're so safe and yet vulnerable at the same time, and you don't want them coming down from that, just booting them out the door, that'd be traumatizing as hell.
00:41:52:13 - 00:41:53:17
Luna
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:53:19 - 00:41:56:21
Tom
The aftercare is so critical.
00:41:56:23 - 00:42:17:12
Luna
So it's like you use your extreme attention to detail and the way it sounds like you're giving an immense amount of attention, tracking that person and creating like, this gorgeous state change, and you're a big container for whatever comes up for them. And I really hear the safety in your methods, and that's a lot.
00:42:17:14 - 00:42:28:23
Tom
Yeah, that's kind of it. And it's not for every submissive. You know, I don't look for submissives. They find me. And the ones that do seem to be the ones that are receptive to this.
00:42:29:00 - 00:42:33:15
Luna
Do you mean like they find you, like, just magnetized? Like you're because you've stumbled into two? Or do you mean like.
00:42:33:17 - 00:42:35:13
Tom
They just happened to find me?
00:42:35:15 - 00:42:41:09
Luna
Okay, so there's not, like, an ad we should know about somewhere. No, no, no.
00:42:41:11 - 00:43:14:08
Tom
I just happened to meet somebody, and there's a connection there I have. I call her still my submissive because she hasn't asked to be released, although I haven't seen her in a while. She's trans. We had met online, and I don't even remember what platform it was at that time, but we'd been chatting and started texting and I said, well, would you be willing to meet somewhere neutral just so we can see each other and talk?
00:43:14:08 - 00:43:32:06
Tom
And that's it? And she reluctantly said yes. And we met the parking lot and out front of her apartment. It was evening and she was pretty standoffish, you know, she was there, arms crossed, not welcoming, very much protecting herself.
00:43:32:10 - 00:43:33:11
Luna
00:43:33:12 - 00:43:48:03
Tom
We talked a little bit and she didn't seem interested. And I said May I touch you. And she goes where I said I just want to know your arms, you have lovely arms. So she goes okay. After I touched your arms I felt her shiver.
00:43:48:05 - 00:43:48:21
Luna
00:43:48:23 - 00:43:52:10
Tom
And she said okay.
00:43:52:12 - 00:43:53:14
Luna
00:43:53:16 - 00:43:54:10
Tom
We'll do this.
00:43:54:16 - 00:43:57:05
Luna
The animal body knows.
00:43:57:07 - 00:44:24:18
Tom
And she said there was no way I was going to go forward with this with you. But the second you touched me, instantly, I knew it was right. And I've been told that by other submissive too, that there's something about when I touch them, there's an energy that they feel if it's being safe or whatever. They just something about my touches and I always ask permission to touch first.
00:44:24:20 - 00:44:33:06
Tom
You can't just assume just because you're talking to somebody online or texting them and whatever, that it gives you permission to physically touch them.
00:44:33:12 - 00:44:53:08
Luna
Yeah, I'm so glad you know that. You know, it's funny, when you were talking about the way that you did kind of the test with the hair, with the pulling the hair there, you know, so recently, lately with new lovers, I've been letting them know. I'm like, you know, I really love intensity. However, to get there, I need trust building.
00:44:53:08 - 00:45:09:07
Luna
And what that looks like for me is I don't do surprises. The first time. I do like having my hair pulled. I don't want to pull too hard. I don't want it pulled out of nowhere. And so that's actually the cue that I've been giving people out. And I give them this verbal example before where fucking and I'm like, you know, like I like a hand to slide up and see.
00:45:09:07 - 00:45:18:11
Luna
I like the eye contact that checks in with me. I like the touch. And so it sounds like you just naturally have that and it's fucking amazing.
00:45:18:12 - 00:45:40:04
Tom
I have to say, it's just something that instinctually is where it grew from. And after my first submissive, that's when I started building and extensive library on Bdsm. In fact, the laptop right now is sitting on top of two marquee decide books that you're sitting on. So.
00:45:40:06 - 00:45:48:20
Luna
Okay, I've never actually read Marquee Design. However, the movie quills is the movie I wrote a paper about to get into film school, so.
00:45:48:22 - 00:46:11:16
Tom
The original writing is challenging because it's translated French. But yeah, I that's when I started an extensive library and started reading and realizing that the things that I seem to already know is common amongst the community. Some people have to learn it and learn it from a good master. Father Dom, so to speak, to teach another Dom how to do it.
00:46:11:18 - 00:46:15:00
Tom
But for me it seems to be a natural thing.
00:46:15:02 - 00:46:35:18
Luna
But it sounds like you also have read a book or two at this point. Like it sounds like you had inclinations, and it sounds like you've also honed your skills, which I just think is important to put words to, because I will tell everyone out there listening 100% of the time when I have met someone on an app or on set life in their natural dom, they've been kind of rapey and you don't seem like that.
00:46:35:18 - 00:46:40:07
Luna
So I just want to be really careful with language, you know?
00:46:40:09 - 00:46:47:03
Tom
Fuck no no no, no. Respect has to be one of the very first things.
00:46:47:05 - 00:46:48:03
Luna
Yeah.
00:46:48:05 - 00:46:57:03
Tom
This whole thing in my world runs on honesty with each other and respect for each other.
00:46:57:05 - 00:46:57:16
Luna
I hear that.
00:46:57:22 - 00:47:34:21
Tom
One doesn't want to do something for whatever reason. Don't push it, okay? If they're being a bratty submissive, well, that's a different thing than if they really physically don't want to do something. And you have to respect them both directions. Yeah, absolutely. And especially, you know, being a Dom, you have to respect them and each other so that when we start with being spanking or flogging them, bondage or whatever, and they we start to go into subspace, there's not a question in the back of their mind at all that they're safe.
00:47:34:23 - 00:47:54:12
Luna
Yeah. I would love to hear some of the specifics of your turn ons, turn offs, favorite sensations. You know, you mentioned anal, you mentioned naughty roleplay. You mentioned over the spankings, which you've told us a little bit about, but like, what specifics do you want to dive into?
00:47:54:14 - 00:48:18:03
Tom
Turn ons for me can vary. It can be a look, lingerie, naughty breath. It can be a kiss. That will all definitely get me turned on. You know, as far as going into like anal sex, that I really enjoy giving and receiving, although I've only been pegged. So again, there's another thing that requires a great deal of trust.
00:48:18:05 - 00:48:45:03
Tom
I really enjoy it. My submissive really enjoys it. I keep saying submissive, but I don't have sex with her when she's my submissive, but when she's my lover. Yeah, I also have a fondness for occasionally wearing panties and stockings and schoolgirl skirt. I love my schoolgirl skirt because of the way it makes my eyes feel. You know, there are nights when you know I'm home alone and take a hot shower or have an enema.
00:48:45:03 - 00:48:53:03
Tom
Put on my stockings and panties and so forth. Get out the lube and just have a great time.
00:48:53:05 - 00:48:59:14
Luna
That's so hot. Do you play with toys with yourself, or is that like fingers? Like, what do you do here?
00:48:59:16 - 00:49:03:03
Tom
I have toys, I start out with a medium sized butt plug.
00:49:03:05 - 00:49:03:20
Luna
00:49:03:22 - 00:49:24:00
Tom
And work my way up to a larger butt plug, and then I'll work my way up into my smaller dildo. And then if I'm really getting frisky, I'll get into my medium sized dildo. And then if I'm just really. Being naughty, I'll get out the big dildo.
00:49:24:02 - 00:49:27:16
Luna
How long does all of that take? Just like, just out of curiosity.
00:49:27:18 - 00:49:33:04
Tom
When I'm in that mode, I'm impatient. I want it all now.
00:49:33:06 - 00:49:34:14
Luna
I forget it.
00:49:34:16 - 00:49:37:20
Tom
So it's hard to calm down and pace myself.
00:49:37:22 - 00:49:42:12
Luna
Amazing. I mean, if your asshole can handle it, there's no right or wrong answer, right?
00:49:42:12 - 00:50:01:22
Tom
Like, yeah it can. It seems to adapt back fairly quickly. Yeah. Running a dildo in a pair of open crotch panties in my school girls skirt and oh, hoping my legs don't give out. Yeah. That's.
00:50:02:03 - 00:50:17:08
Luna
So, Do you, are you, like, home alone when you do this, or is it like, something where you just be in your own room? Okay, okay. Because I'm like, what? Psychic space needs to be in place that's so hot. What kind of panties are you? More like Lacy, silky. Do you have a variety? I mean, crotchless, obviously, but lace.
00:50:17:10 - 00:50:18:00
Luna
Okay.
00:50:18:02 - 00:50:29:14
Tom
Lace. They're not all crotchless. I have some, man panties. I guess they're called that. I love that, yeah, and they're boy shorts and they're lacy, and I love the way they feel.
00:50:29:16 - 00:50:30:02
Luna
And.
00:50:30:04 - 00:50:45:06
Tom
You know, they're some thongs and, you know, various others, some crotchless and some that just have a wonderful little lace pattern on the ass with a little bow on the top. And that allows great access. Lace is my thing.
00:50:45:07 - 00:51:02:18
Luna
Not so hot. I want to ask a follow up question, because I don't think I understood this from the intro, although now I'm like, oh, you said it very clearly. So you really make a clear distinction between like submissive. We are not fucking or like having intercourse lover.
00:51:02:19 - 00:51:07:22
Tom
We are pretty much all the time as a submissive. There's no sex.
00:51:08:00 - 00:51:08:08
Luna
Okay.
00:51:08:14 - 00:51:41:04
Tom
There have been times that. Yeah, there has been like the last time I gave my submissive a maintenance spanking to help herself, but want to, give me head, so. Okay, I get it. Not led into a good fucking. But as an example of why, other than the heightened arousal and attention to detail, say, after she's had a good maintenance spanking in my lap and she leans up and leans against me for the aftercare and just curls up in a little bowl, and she has the most peaceful content look on her face.
00:51:41:06 - 00:51:47:19
Tom
Why would I want to ruin that moment for something I can have later? This is a special moment.
00:51:47:21 - 00:52:05:18
Luna
Okay, so it would be a ruin. So for me, I'm like, it's literally a punishment if I'm getting spanked and not allowed to access the cock. And like one of the brat games that I've been like learning to play, you know, the game is basically like I'm trying to get to the cock and I have to get Spanx first because I've been naughty because, like, you know, various reasons.
00:52:05:20 - 00:52:08:03
Tom
But this is where I'm, I don't.
00:52:08:04 - 00:52:17:12
Luna
Know, that's that's why I love, like, hearing these details because I'm like, but what about getting spanked with a cock in your mouth? Or, you know, because I can take so much more pain and.
00:52:17:12 - 00:52:23:06
Tom
We can play those games and have played those games too. But it's yeah, that's more sexual fun.
00:52:23:07 - 00:52:33:07
Luna
I see what you're saying. No, I think that's a cool distinction. And I really like hearing that detail and that it makes a lot of sense when you spell it out for me. And so I'm glad I got to hear that.
00:52:33:09 - 00:52:40:14
Tom
Yeah. Because it's important. It goes back to that trust and caring and love. And it's just the way I feel.
00:52:40:20 - 00:53:06:11
Luna
And I think it's important for everyone to know, to like you said, it's, you know, kink and Bdsm is different for everyone, even though we may use the same words to describe activities. That's why I really love super long form conversations. I mean, look at us, but we're not there yet. So, staying focused. What other sensations or toys or role play or games feed your sexual soul?
00:53:06:13 - 00:53:34:08
Tom
She and I have various ways of exploring different things. Like I said, she can like a rough. The first time I had sex with her, I better over her bedroom bed and just push her face down into the mattress and just hard. And I could see under my hand. She was grinning the entire time when she's pegging me or using a toy on me, I tell her.
00:53:34:08 - 00:53:49:22
Tom
I said, don't touch my dick. See if we can make me have a prostate orgasm. Have yet to do it, but the sensation is just so amazing. I don't want to come that fast and not enjoy it for longer.
00:53:50:00 - 00:54:09:13
Luna
That's so cool. And I love working towards stuff like that. You know, kind of like you were saying, like, I don't know if I'll ever come from a spanking, but I just love and want to try. And that last time I feel like, I don't know, something new is happening, so who knows. What other personal pleasure discoveries have you made about yourself.
00:54:09:15 - 00:54:13:01
Tom
Other than the cross-dressing? That's probably it at the time.
00:54:13:06 - 00:54:15:00
Luna
What else do you want to explore?
00:54:15:02 - 00:54:27:08
Tom
I would like to have enough, confidence to be able to go out dressed. Okay. I'm an ugly ass girl, I'll tell you that. Oh, not really.
00:54:27:10 - 00:54:30:23
Luna
I think everyone's a beautiful girl. Personally who wants to be.
00:54:30:23 - 00:54:59:16
Tom
But one things about it that turns me on so much is when I've got that skirt on and so much of my ass is showing and I can feel it and feel the cool air. It makes me want to feel desired and lust after and maybe be built up and groped and you'll be the object of somebody else's arousal and desire and experience that.
00:54:59:18 - 00:55:05:00
Tom
And hopefully it's the right person. I lose my anal virginity to the right cock.
00:55:05:02 - 00:55:12:23
Luna
Ooh, and hope I yeah, may be so in divine timing. Yes, please.
00:55:13:01 - 00:55:22:18
Tom
That would be something I'd really like to be able to do. I don't know if it's anything I'll be able to do at this point in my life, but you never know.
00:55:22:22 - 00:55:45:00
Luna
I was going to say, we can hold the hope lightly with you and see what unfolds, you know? I mean, with non-attachment, you've entered this in many ways. Your attention to detail, your thoughtfulness, your clear emotional intelligence. But I would like to hear if you think there are any other specific skills that make you a great lover that we haven't covered yet.
00:55:45:02 - 00:56:09:03
Tom
Bring them to that same sexual satisfaction level that they get out of being in some space, bringing them that is my sexual satisfaction, okay? Even if I don't have sex with it, look what I've done for her. Well, look how beautiful she is, my lover. When she's in the throes of passion, when we're making love, she's got this most beautiful look on her face.
00:56:09:03 - 00:56:18:00
Tom
That is just. I mean, she's a very pretty girl, but those moments, she is just radiant.
00:56:18:04 - 00:56:18:18
Luna
Yeah.
00:56:18:20 - 00:56:20:23
Tom
That's. Those are the things that get me off.
00:56:20:23 - 00:56:42:05
Luna
Shame. Yeah. That's like what? I mean, not even as so much of a dominant, but as a facilitator. Yeah, I totally know what you mean. That's so hot. That's beautiful. And I would say that's exactly what makes a good lover like that. That care and attention, desire to hear your voice. And if you could go back in time and give younger you a piece of sex advice, what age would you pick and what would you say.
00:56:42:07 - 00:57:17:19
Tom
Early 8 or 9 and I would tell myself, don't be scared to talk to the girls and always be respectful. And don't be shy about things, because I was always like that guy. I was always too shy to talk to a girl and scared and I would try to persuade him to not feel those intimidations so that he could be more open to interacting with girls and going from there.
00:57:17:21 - 00:57:20:12
Tom
I don't know if that's sexual advice or just life advice, but.
00:57:20:13 - 00:57:33:11
Luna
Is there ever really a difference? That's kind of my personal thesis. Also connected, but if you had an unlimited budget to build your perfect playroom or castle or whatever space you want, what would that be like?
00:57:33:12 - 00:57:35:22
Tom
You said Castle, and that's right on the money.
00:57:36:00 - 00:57:46:02
Luna
I know you said Castle. I was like, me too. I've been drawing castles, but I think my future retreats since I was little. So tell us about your castle. It. I feel like you were going to talk about dungeons, I don't know.
00:57:46:04 - 00:57:56:01
Tom
Well, they're the different dungeons for different things. There's a part of it that's just sleeping quarters, so to speak, like a.
00:57:56:01 - 00:57:56:12
Luna
Regular.
00:57:56:12 - 00:58:26:22
Tom
Sleeping castle resort or whatever. But it's a castle. It's been updated. There are some of the rooms that are just for couples that want to swing together. There's a mid-level room with light bondage equipment in it, some leather risk cuffs and some stuff. But I'm open and friendly to swingers and group activities for me. If they want to engage in experience and exploring some bedroom bondage cycle, great.
00:58:27:00 - 00:58:43:05
Tom
Then there's the other levels where a Dom like me could have my dungeon. The playroom that's reminiscent maybe of 50 Shades Christian's playroom in the movie, but different. Yeah, I like the way you had that set up.
00:58:43:07 - 00:58:44:11
Luna
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree.
00:58:44:16 - 00:58:52:23
Tom
And then there's the other playroom that are bondage rope sex all over the place.
00:58:53:01 - 00:58:54:11
Luna
Is there a classroom too?
00:58:54:12 - 00:59:02:11
Tom
Ideally there would be a classroom. I would have to retain the services of some of your guests as instructors. I guess.
00:59:02:13 - 00:59:18:04
Luna
Yeah, I would say classroom library. I'm always thinking about the turret, and my bedroom would be at the top of the turret, and the whole turret would be full of books and could look down from the bottom, and whoever's fucking on whatever level. But this is your story. Okay. So, any other thoughts about your magic castle? Yeah.
00:59:18:04 - 00:59:18:23
Luna
I want to be keeping.
00:59:18:23 - 00:59:31:12
Tom
A top of the turret. Could be almost an exhibitionist type clogging room with the Saint Andrew's cross, it faces out over the countryside.
00:59:31:14 - 00:59:42:23
Luna
I'm also, as you're saying, that I'm imagining. Not exactly like a walk the plank because we wouldn't be safe, but, like, you know, a just that people from down below could see, you know, like, so they can look up. Oh, maybe it's glass.
00:59:43:00 - 00:59:47:09
Tom
Oh, but it's not soundproof. So they can hear.
00:59:47:11 - 01:00:00:20
Luna
Absolutely not something. I mean, I want some definite restraints. So. Yeah. Ooh. Maybe there's even a microphone to get amplified down below. Or just beautiful acoustics. I think natural beautiful acoustics are just, like, very possible.
01:00:00:23 - 01:00:02:17
Tom
Very possible.
01:00:02:18 - 01:00:17:02
Luna
I love it, Tom. You have really gone with me on a journey today in ways that I am beyond grateful for. I put you on the spot a lot, and I am so grateful that you were a guest on Six Stories.
01:00:17:04 - 01:00:18:12
Tom
Well thank you, it's been a pleasure.
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