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35 bisexual dude, partnered in a monogamous relationship of 3 years, a former professional athlete, now a consultant and farmer, into: cross-dressing, eating his own cum, piss play, strap-ons, small penis humiliation of his micropenis.

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00:00:00:11 - 00:00:17:22

Luna

Our guest today is a 35 year old bi dude partnered in a monogamous relationship of three years. He's a little bit into cross-dressing, eating his own cum piss play strap ons, small penis humiliations of his micro penis. A former professional soccer player, now a consultant and small farmer. Welcome, John.

00:00:18:00 - 00:00:19:10

John

Hello. How are you?

00:00:19:12 - 00:00:32:18

Luna

I am so excited to talk to you. Can you start off by telling us if you had to rate yourself on a sexual shame, a meter with ten being the most full of shame and one being not so shaming at all. Where do you fall right now?

00:00:32:20 - 00:00:35:16

John

I think I am a little bit about five.

00:00:35:18 - 00:00:42:16

Luna

Tell us about your five. And does it ever go up and down? Like where do you feel like you hold shame? When do you feel like it goes away?

00:00:42:18 - 00:01:10:09

John

I think I am now in my 35 year old. I am thinking that my sexual direction is going to some bisexual things that I will want to try. I would like to try some cross-dressing things and I am a little bit shamed about it. Sure, it's not normal. Somebody can be bisexual on this, or somebody can be different than the others.

00:01:10:11 - 00:01:40:10

John

And we have to be very careful talking about our sexuality. And I am now in this stage that I would like to try everything, but I cannot do it. So this is the bad things, and the good things is that I am just trying to try everything that I want, because life is just one. And I would like to try everything that I want because I am still young enough to try.

00:01:40:12 - 00:01:47:18

John

When I will be older, it will be not possible to try everything that I want and I want so many things.

00:01:47:23 - 00:02:07:07

Luna

Yeah, I really relate to that and not in a way where I want to panic. But I'm like, every day is a gift. I don't know how long my life is going to last. Like, I want to try stuff while I'm here in this body that I can do stuff with, so I relate to that. Can you give us a little overview of what your sex life is like right now?

00:02:07:09 - 00:02:32:16

John

But now I am in a relationship. I have a fiancee, but now she's really much vanilla and I don't like it now. But before I do so maybe three, maybe four years. She was really old when she was really kinky. She was open to do everything. I tried to talk with her. I tried to find out why she's now like this.

00:02:32:18 - 00:02:49:01

John

But I don't have answers. I don't know what's the problem. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's not. But I don't know. This is stuff that bothers me. But in my mind, I'm trying to try new things with her or without her. It's not something that I can change.

00:02:49:03 - 00:02:57:08

Luna

When you try to initiate those conversations about, you know, what is different? What has changed? Do you have a dialog or is it.

00:02:57:10 - 00:03:21:07

John

The yes we hear dialog. But, I think this is something that is not in my place to be, and I really don't have answers like, I don't want it or I want something else. I have just answers. No, we will do it tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, or I'm tired a little bit now or I don't have answers.

00:03:21:12 - 00:03:23:04

John

No. Go away.

00:03:23:06 - 00:03:23:12

Luna

Right.

00:03:23:14 - 00:03:29:22

John

I have answers. We will do it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe day after tomorrow. But just never.

00:03:30:00 - 00:03:33:03

Luna

Man. Humans are so tricky.

00:03:33:09 - 00:03:34:12

John

This is frustrating.

00:03:34:15 - 00:03:39:17

Luna

Yes, that's. That frustrates me because it's the whole thing where I'm like, just tell me, you know.

00:03:39:17 - 00:03:41:16

John

And it just tell me what do you want?

00:03:41:21 - 00:04:02:02

Luna

Yeah, it's not so simple. Well, and for myself too, sometimes it's. I have so much desire. I have so much that I'm in touch with. And some days I don't know. You know, when I meet a new partner or whatever, and someone's like, what do you want? I'm like, oh no, that's that's a lot. That's a lot. Okay, so tell us now, what are your favorite parts about your sex life?

00:04:02:03 - 00:04:09:06

Luna

I hear that you're not necessarily waiting to explore. Are you exploring on your own? What are the juiciest bits for you right now?

00:04:09:08 - 00:04:32:17

John

I cannot answer you because I like so many things. I listen to your podcast and I'm thinking I might sound kind of too kinky person that I love everything and I want more. And I am so kinky in my head and thinking that something is wrong with me.

00:04:32:19 - 00:04:33:13

Luna

00:04:33:15 - 00:04:34:22

John

But I believe it's not.

00:04:35:03 - 00:04:35:12

Luna

Okay, good.

00:04:35:13 - 00:04:41:11

John

But we have to start talking about this and you will hear.

00:04:41:16 - 00:04:42:03

Luna

Yeah.

00:04:42:05 - 00:05:10:02

John

What is the timeline. So I will try. You explained from my little age. Okay. So when I was young here was war and then my family helped escape from one place to another. And it was completely chaos. And I was about maybe 6 or 7 years old. I don't remember it was chaos, but our parents was on a war zone.

00:05:10:04 - 00:05:10:14

Luna

00:05:10:16 - 00:05:43:07

John

And our kids were on planes without war. Okay. And there was a hundred children. There was girls. But we have enough to live. It was 1991. So we have, just maybe soccer balls and recorders to watch and somehow, we have so many porn movies. And the kids were watching porn. I remember that I have 5 or 6 friends, and we were watching porn.

00:05:43:09 - 00:06:08:22

John

And what we can do, we can watch porn and masturbate. It was normal for us. We don't know anything better. Yeah. So I remember that. I love it so much. And be with other guys, masturbating, watching porn. It was all kinds of poor women. They too. It wasn't. We didn't age. It was just pool. It was spawn off 90s.

00:06:09:00 - 00:06:31:22

John

I remember that we were masturbating and I will watch porn and watch the other friends that must have it. And it was just for me. I like to see how they come, how they play with their cocks, how they play with the balls. And I was a little bit a shame because I was the youngest in group and so everybody was older than me a few years.

00:06:32:00 - 00:06:57:12

John

Okay. And this is the first time that I start thinking about sex. And I remember that everybody have gone, but not me. I was so young, but I can still orgasm, but without cum, right? And I was so disappointed that I shouldn't have gone with. They made jokes about it, but nothing boring, nothing like that. And after that, maybe my date.

00:06:57:18 - 00:07:24:19

John

Finally. I like every other boy I can come. So I was so desperate to try it. And finally I tried. I tried my old girl and I was so. Oh, that's really nice. And I found out that I like boys and girls in the same time. And this is like it's now. Nothing changed. It started like just normal teenage boy in every part of the planet.

00:07:24:21 - 00:07:34:01

John

And I tried to be with girls, hanging out with girls and I was just thinking about vaginas.

00:07:34:01 - 00:07:37:08

Luna

Things, how the vagina taste of yours.

00:07:37:10 - 00:08:05:19

John

Yes. And the first time when I was down there, I came without touching myself. So it was something that I'm thinking about every single night. So it was something I really, really enjoy. And day after day after day, I had the long time girlfriends. And we try to explore ourself, bodies, exploring everything. And she was really, really, really beautiful.

00:08:05:19 - 00:08:32:12

John

Girl and she was open to trying new things. So it was really, really hot things that we were doing. I remember when she was throwing me for a spot, I think I came after the second. It was something really, really great for me. We were together. Maybe two years, maybe. Okay, I was thinking about new things, maybe because of porn.

00:08:32:14 - 00:09:10:20

John

That I was thinking, can I maybe try some of these things? Cause it's now trying new things and I really like it. I really, really like it to be interested in women's clothes, watching porn, Dutch myself and being that kind of situation. And it's intense. And then I realized that what the Romans do, they like and so I try and first I try with my fingers and I eat it.

00:09:10:21 - 00:09:29:09

John

I don't have any tools, but I find out something that will be my tool. It was just like real cock wooden. It was like that wooden. Yes. And I was playing with that. It was like this side.

00:09:29:11 - 00:09:35:09

Luna

Oh, wow. He's holding up a water bottle for anyone listening. A water bottle.

00:09:35:11 - 00:10:03:23

John

Yeah. And I was thinking, how can I put it in my ass? But I really want it. I'm trying trying it a little bit. And in that time, the wooden toy rose in me. I was so, so happy. I try new things. That really blows my mind. Yeah. And from that time I really, really, really liked. I don't play and now I know what is that?

00:10:04:01 - 00:10:31:03

John

Because first time that I played with myself, I already know that I was touching my prostate. And this feeling is something that is top of the old thing. So I really can mean like few seconds. If you touch my G-spot, my man's just one cool day after day after day. I'm trying more and more now. I have plenty of thoughts.

00:10:31:07 - 00:10:52:03

John

Okay, my secret place and I'm playing with it. And after I broke up with that girl, I was trying to explore my bisexual and. But because I'm so concerned about a place that I cannot do it in my mindset, I cannot. It's not possible.

00:10:52:05 - 00:10:55:00

Luna

How old are you at this point? Are you still a teenager or are you a little?

00:10:55:01 - 00:10:56:18

John

Good. I'm still teenager.

00:10:56:20 - 00:10:57:11

Luna

Okay.

00:10:57:12 - 00:11:33:11

John

And I decided to go to the other big city and try to be with the transwoman, which means. But I have to pay it. So somehow, I don't know, I have money. The situation and I go some woman with Benz and told me, can I pay you for sex and we'll make a deal. I came to her apartment and it was the first time that I was completely without any water.

00:11:33:13 - 00:11:56:04

John

My mouth was so dry that I can not speak with her. Okay, I need the water. I was so, so stressed in the situation, but she was really, really nice and talk with me. Okay, what do you want? And it was the first time that I try suck cock is the first time.

00:11:56:09 - 00:11:57:00

Luna

Okay.

00:11:57:02 - 00:12:14:17

John

And I remember that I was shaking. It was shaking like that. I was on my knees and there was shaking, shaking. And finally when I put it in my mouth, it was very different. Like, I just want to try it. I want to try the feeling. The taste.

00:12:14:19 - 00:12:15:07

Luna

Yeah.

00:12:15:09 - 00:12:38:05

John

I remember that. She fucked me in the mouth. Yes. I don't remember how long it was in my mind. It was maybe one minute, but I believe it was much more than one minute. Yes, but in my mind it was so, so beautiful. And I'm like, then maybe what I'm talking about. I'm 18 years old, so I'm still young.

00:12:38:07 - 00:13:19:16

John

And I remember that I opened the door from the apartment and my knees are shaking. I didn't know where I have to go. I was completely out of my mind and I decided, oh, this is really good. And I decided I want to try everything that's everything. And I met the guy and central side here and really the text and we make appointment and we make a deal that we will be in that time and that place.

00:13:19:18 - 00:13:23:13

John

So we met and we figure it out that we know each other.

00:13:23:15 - 00:13:24:19

Luna

In real life.

00:13:24:21 - 00:13:25:12

John

In real life.

00:13:25:12 - 00:13:28:17

Luna

Oh, what was that like? This was.

00:13:28:19 - 00:14:01:15

John

You. I really cannot explain it. I was shaking guy begging him, don't tell anybody, please. And he told me, no, no, you don't tell. Assistant no, no you don't. Please. And we go in my car and we was on some place outside of city and were talking girl about what happened in one situation. I put my hand on his knee and she told me, we will really do it.

00:14:01:17 - 00:14:18:11

John

And I said, if you want it, I want it. So in that situation, he kissed me and we played the sucking and the touching girl. And it was the first time that I felt it was the first time.

00:14:18:15 - 00:14:19:22

Luna

How was it for you.

00:14:20:00 - 00:14:52:03

John

For So yummy for me? I really like him. Okay, so he didn't swallow my come, but I so disco. We were playing about maybe one year, but maybe every 10 or 20 days everyday situations. Then I met my second girl and I fell in love. So I was with her and I talked to him. Please, some day we do not see.

00:14:52:06 - 00:15:24:13

John

I'm now in love with some girl. And you said okay, I have girls, but also it's day and we let go. I was five years. Oh wow. She was really beautiful. She was very open minded, but I wanted that she is more open, okay that she got it. So I am a little bit crazy. And again I open the side and find some tender moments.

00:15:24:15 - 00:15:41:15

John

So I decided to go to the one lady Baker and be in a fandom situation. So that's really blowing my mind. I didn't know that I'm so much submissive. I really don't know that I really like to be submissive.

00:15:41:17 - 00:15:42:13

Luna

00:15:42:15 - 00:16:05:03

John

She make me to play switch porn. I'm talking about the extra points. She just be like lady, she put my penis engage and I have to be engaged. Few days. Just two days. Yes. And it was really something that I didn't know that day.

00:16:05:03 - 00:16:10:09

Luna

Liked where you had a partner, but you were also in chastity.

00:16:10:11 - 00:16:39:13

John

Yes. Because here we cannot be on a college in our city. We are home every week or two, okay, when we are in college. So in this week, well, I was in just it, okay. She didn't know that. It was something that blew my mind because I was so, so turned home. But in just the it's something different that you cannot do anything.

00:16:39:15 - 00:17:06:04

John

So I was talking with my friend on lady. She told me, this is because you have to learn how to come without hands. So I told her that it's not possible. She only. Yes, it is. And I asked her how. And every night I will be at my home. I will call her. We were talking about that and she told me.

00:17:06:04 - 00:17:28:00

John

No, use your toys. I will told you exactly what you have to do. I was in chastity riding dildo and trying to come and it is not easy. Believe me, it's really not easy. After maybe 20, 30 times, maybe, maybe more I don't remember. I came first time without pants.

00:17:28:02 - 00:17:29:23

Luna

In the cage. Are you in the cage?

00:17:30:04 - 00:17:31:07

John

In the cage? Yes.

00:17:31:07 - 00:17:35:19

Luna

You're coming in the cage. Writing a water bottle size dildo?

00:17:35:21 - 00:17:36:12

John

Yes.

00:17:36:14 - 00:17:41:03

Luna

Are you controlling the dildo with your hand, or is it stuck to something? Like. What's the stuff.

00:17:41:03 - 00:17:57:10

John

On the floor? Okay, I was writing, so I really like that. And again, I was with some girl. That is too much vanilla for me. Yeah, I talk to her. Not that I like that. It was my secret.

00:17:57:12 - 00:17:58:06

Luna

Okay.

00:17:58:08 - 00:18:09:09

John

But nothing happened. Okay. We will. Okay. Maybe we will try. Okay. But nothing. So I decided to be single. Maybe years two three, I don't know.

00:18:09:11 - 00:18:13:15

Luna

Okay. Are we in your early 20s now or like most university.

00:18:13:20 - 00:18:38:03

John

Okay. Yes, yes. And on some side, I met some couple. They were from German, older than me and they coming on this side very mature. And we decided to meet each other. I don't suicide and they told me you will go in nudist camp.

00:18:38:08 - 00:18:41:00

Luna

Nudist camp okay. Yes. Hot.

00:18:41:02 - 00:18:45:11

John

So I thought, okay, I never been there but I will.

00:18:45:12 - 00:18:46:20

Luna

Come, no problem.

00:18:46:22 - 00:18:58:22

John

So I've come there 7500 naked people around me. Wow. This is. This is huge. This is huge. List five years I am in that camp.

00:18:58:22 - 00:19:00:08

Luna

Okay, cool.

00:19:00:08 - 00:19:30:00

John

First time 7500 people naked around you. First time in your life I was shocked I was. What is this place? This is the best place I have ever. So why not? Why not before? So when I saw naked people and it was really, really great feeling to be naked around everybody talking with naked people. Not on this day.

00:19:30:02 - 00:19:30:15

Luna

Yeah.

00:19:30:17 - 00:19:58:18

John

But in the first time I was shocked. It was really beautiful. And I was with the couple and we talked every night because nothing. Now we have to sex now. No, we just talk slowly. Everything was so romantic. I would say that it was the quiet place. Why we are naked. So it's not problem to have sex whenever you want, but we are talking.

00:19:58:19 - 00:20:27:09

John

And then maybe second night when we were talking, the woman asked me, what do you think about sex with the guys? I said, I really liked it, but I think that I like girls and males in the same way. And she asked me, do you want to sleep with me and my husband? But mostly with my husband? I will watch it.

00:20:27:11 - 00:20:35:01

John

I said, okay, why not? So it was the first time that somebody watch me in sex.

00:20:35:03 - 00:20:37:05

Luna

Oh wow. How was that?

00:20:37:07 - 00:21:10:04

John

I was shaking, okay. Every time I was watching. What's happening? I am growing some man and his wife watching me. I don't know how to explain to myself. After maybe a few minutes, she decided to participate with us. And it was beautiful. Mostly she played with me. We were kissing. She slapped me a little bit and it was the first time with somebody the like it.

00:21:10:04 - 00:21:29:12

John

I really, really enjoy. I don't know what happened, but we were in 69, but I was on top. I was looking at her and she looked as balls, and in that situation, her husband started to fuck me.

00:21:29:13 - 00:21:31:12

Luna

Not so hot.

00:21:31:14 - 00:21:47:14

John

Oh, it was really, really, really, really hot. I said, oh my God, my, my dreams come true. When it was fucking me. I have to lick her. But I am so in other place in my mind that I forgot to lick.

00:21:47:19 - 00:21:48:22

Luna

Yes.

00:21:49:00 - 00:22:02:12

John

And she put it my will lick me, lick, lick me. So I was in some other place. In some other planet, in some other universe. I don't know where I was, but it was very, very.

00:22:02:13 - 00:22:04:20

Luna

Very beautiful. That's awesome.

00:22:04:22 - 00:22:26:20

John

After a few minutes we changed some poses and everything and she brought me and I got in her mouth. It was really hot and she kissed me to come. After a few years like, no, that now it's calling snowballing. But I didn't know.

00:22:26:22 - 00:22:27:18

Luna

And.

00:22:27:20 - 00:22:53:12

John

Don't remember the two year piece. And about minutes with my coming into mouth in my mouth, her mouth and my mouth and it was so, so hot. I was with them about maybe, maybe five days. Indeed, in that place and just near camp is swinger, which is illegal swinger beach. But everybody knows that this is the spring. The beach.

00:22:53:14 - 00:23:12:18

John

They asked me to do one go there. I said, yeah, of course I want to go. And it was very hot, was really, really hot this side. And we were walking and in every few meters along the beach, somebody fucking.

00:23:12:20 - 00:23:14:04

Luna

Really.

00:23:14:06 - 00:23:47:01

John

There, woman sucking cock. And there is, I don't know, man. Fucking this wife 20 people with around them and jerking everything is really, really, really hot. Yeah. What will we do now? And they tell me, just watch for maybe an hour or two. Please don't rush. We were there walking around the beach, watching a little bit, touching ourselves, and I asked, what is beyond the rock?

00:23:47:03 - 00:24:17:11

John

And they told me it is a beach, but it's a beach. Swinger gave beach. Okay, so okay, maybe we can go there to see what's happening. They don't know. Okay, we are going there and first time I am on the beach I am looking beautiful. Beautiful man's body on Gay beach. Everybody's green, but I don't have that good body like gay people.

00:24:17:12 - 00:24:37:06

John

They are really, really nice looking. Nice. First time I saw that's normal. That every second guy have dogs and dogs. So I was thinking maybe I can buy some mental, And nowadays I would go, man, dogs.

00:24:37:11 - 00:24:38:09

Luna

Okay.

00:24:38:11 - 00:25:02:14

John

It is something that they really enjoy. And we were on the on the beach and the woman doctor said to me that if you want be with somebody here, it's really okay. We will be here or beach beyond, but please use condom. Be careful. And they decided to go on the road.

00:25:02:16 - 00:25:03:05

Luna

Okay.

00:25:03:07 - 00:25:37:23

John

And I was alone there and forest nearby. I go in the forest and I see at least 20 guys fucking. I decided to watch one couple and in the few minutes around me were maybe 20 naked gay men masturbating and watching them. I was masturbating too, and I don't know how I do it, but in one second I grabbed a man near me for the bath.

00:25:38:01 - 00:26:11:11

John

I don't know why I was like that. He looked at me and said, the one to me? I said, yes, I want that and we go very far. Little, maybe two meters, maybe two meters here. And I'm sucking him and keep it. And you start to fucking. And how we were watching the other man. Now everybody watch us,

00:26:11:13 - 00:26:13:06

Luna

How was that for you?

00:26:13:08 - 00:26:25:11

John

So scary. So scary. Because I didn't know. Maybe here is my teacher. Maybe cuz I don't know. In my country, it's very small. You you never know, right?

00:26:25:15 - 00:26:26:09

Luna

00:26:26:15 - 00:26:54:12

John

I cannot see anybody that I know. And the one guy came to me, I was in Adobe, and that's me who want to suck. Yes. And in just maybe few minutes in front of me, maybe two, three, four guys that I'm sucking in and one fuck me, I don't know what is now. Yeah. And they came all my face for me.

00:26:54:12 - 00:27:28:23

John

It's very beautiful. And I came after that. I came with the couple and they asked me how was it? And I said, nobody told me. So I just came here. I was really shame about it. So after that I with that couple, maybe they or two and we split and I go home and after a few years I met my now fiancee and I didn't want her at first.

00:27:29:01 - 00:27:57:21

John

She's a little small girl and I talk with her and once word to another, and just in a couple weeks time. So what can we do? I will go in her place and we were hanging around because I had produced my own wine. So I bring the wine, go to her place and we were talking just like I talk with you, but not so.

00:27:57:23 - 00:27:58:06

Luna

Okay.

00:27:58:12 - 00:28:23:01

John

But I was thinking, but I have to tell her everything that I want because I have enough years to be with something in long term. But I have to decide. Tell her everything or not. And because every day I was be about five, six, seven liters of wine. So we were very drunk in the night, every single night.

00:28:23:03 - 00:28:29:09

John

Really, really. Just I am not think I am not talking about the little bitch. I'm drunk as a pig.

00:28:29:11 - 00:28:33:22

Luna

So yeah, five 5 to 7 liter.

00:28:34:00 - 00:28:56:10

John

A single day it's going to time. You cannot go outside. What do you what you working, eating and drinking? Have sex with eating, drinking water, sex, all that you can. And we were talking. And I decide to tell her that I like some things that maybe she don't know about.

00:28:56:11 - 00:28:57:05

Luna

Yeah.

00:28:57:07 - 00:29:12:18

John

And how can I tell to her and not be ashamed? Yeah. I go in one room, she's on the second row, and I am sending her a video from Pornhub.

00:29:12:20 - 00:29:17:00

Luna

Really? From part? Yes. Oh, cool. Creative.

00:29:17:02 - 00:29:49:13

John

Yes. But she opened my door of my room and go right there and go to see again. And two times, like, I was so ashamed. But I decided to do like that. And what happens, happens. And she was very open minded. She told me, okay, we can try everything. And I didn't know that it was really easy. First time we really just have to say ESP.

00:29:49:15 - 00:29:59:17

John

And I think I told her that I want to be a robot. I don't want to be fucked with. Strap on, I bought porn, I like to base games.

00:29:59:19 - 00:30:00:07

Luna

Yeah.

00:30:00:09 - 00:30:31:00

John

I like to everything. I remember that she told me, okay, but what if I want something else? So really, whatever you want, we will do it. Yeah. Balloon building. We will do it. She is not kinky in a way that I am, but I really appreciate the way that she is thinking about it. And first time she ask me, okay, you send me some videos.

00:30:31:01 - 00:30:57:17

John

I really want to try these games. Okay, so we were drunk and we go to the shower and we are watching each other and just be cool, be first. And I said, I think you go with me. She told me, okay, on your knees. And it was so I don't know how to say you are drunk, you're horny.

00:30:57:19 - 00:31:19:03

John

Something like that happening in real life, not on porn. Yeah. And it was really, really, really hot. It was. Maybe it was a little bit not good. Because when I stand up, I have erection, so I cannot be on. Men, maybe.

00:31:19:03 - 00:31:20:23

Luna

If not.

00:31:21:01 - 00:31:22:10

John

The way.

00:31:22:12 - 00:31:22:21

Luna

I.

00:31:22:21 - 00:31:24:13

John

Have to be first.

00:31:24:15 - 00:31:25:23

Luna

Yeah.

00:31:26:00 - 00:31:28:17

John

So it was a little bit disaster.

00:31:28:17 - 00:31:30:19

Luna

But it sounds like a good disaster.

00:31:30:21 - 00:31:51:21

John

No. Yes. And then she asked me, how was it, how was it, how was the feel here? Yeah. Now let's just give me a few minutes and I will. I will be, you know. And she tried and she tell me it's really fucked it first time for me but I really drunk. I don't know if I will love it tomorrow.

00:31:51:21 - 00:32:04:23

John

Yeah. And I cannot say that shit alone. Sometimes we do that, but not in every situation. What she told me. I was very surprised that she know how to roll.

00:32:05:00 - 00:32:07:12

Luna

She knew like she already knew. Knots and ties.

00:32:07:14 - 00:32:36:11

John

Yes, she knew everything. How to have be my hands where my hand had to be. So I said the really, really kinky, I have to say. And we have to strip them. I am molded, I believe, on eBay. Okay, it is smaller that I spent. I decided to buy bigger than that and she really liked to fuck me with happened in my mind.

00:32:36:13 - 00:33:01:10

John

But it was easier with smaller arm where she put big circle fuck me in my mouth. Just really hard to be true. Yeah, I didn't know how to do it. Broke the first time and it was really hot when when she told me, now come on little bitch, I will fuck you until you do throw was so great.

00:33:01:12 - 00:33:05:02

John

And day after day she become vanilla too. I don't.

00:33:05:02 - 00:33:06:09

Luna

Know,

00:33:06:11 - 00:33:30:10

John

I really don't know why. So I tried to talk with her before. It was really good. Why why why do. You don't want that now? What's happened? I told me, I really don't know. I will be better. I will be whatever you want. Just me. And now still, it's the situation. I don't know. She don't. And I was so sad because of that.

00:33:30:13 - 00:34:03:09

John

Yeah. And what can I do again? I go on six side and I was texting with other people about everything. And in some day one guy text me, hello. How are you? I'm great and everything like that. And he don't do like nice, right? I said yes, so do want to find out with me. I told him listen, we are in small city.

00:34:03:11 - 00:34:32:08

John

I don't believe that we don't know each other. So maybe it's not great. And he told me I am 50 years old, I have two kids and I have no reason to show you up. So please believe me, everything will be okay. I told him, okay, I told you I don't know why, but I believe and where I have to go, where we will meet.

00:34:32:10 - 00:34:43:03

John

And when he told me, he told me that he is me less than 50m from my office. Now just you.

00:34:43:05 - 00:34:44:03

Luna

Oh my God.

00:34:44:05 - 00:34:51:07

John

So I was thinking. We are meeting every day 100% because we are working.

00:34:51:09 - 00:34:52:02

Luna

Yeah.

00:34:52:04 - 00:35:05:08

John

But I decided, okay, I believe I don't know it and I go outside and try to find who is he. Okay. And I don't know him. He don't know me. Do believe that.

00:35:05:10 - 00:35:06:17

Luna

Whoa.

00:35:06:19 - 00:35:30:18

John

We are working 50m from each other and we don't move. I never see him and he never see me. How is that possible? I don't know, but we talk to each other. And I said him. I told her place where we will have sex. And he told me in my office. I said, how do you mean my office?

00:35:30:20 - 00:35:42:04

John

Yes, yes, my office. Every day from 10 to 12 I am completely alone in basement. In basement is his office.

00:35:42:06 - 00:35:42:15

Luna

Oh my God.

00:35:42:18 - 00:36:03:01

John

Nobody can see us. This is really so. Okay. Come with me. And no, every maybe second, third, fourth, maybe five days. So go just 50m and we play to each other his dominant, submissive God.

00:36:03:03 - 00:36:14:02

Luna

What if I had a dominant partner to play with every other day and I could just, like, walk outside to another building? I mean, that's amazing. How is that for you?

00:36:14:04 - 00:36:15:09

John

I was very stressed.

00:36:15:11 - 00:36:16:02

Luna

Like, okay.

00:36:16:06 - 00:36:39:21

John

Story that I talk before. It was really stressed really. And I don't know why I'm doing that. I don't know. It's something in me that stress that I have in this situation. It's really, really, really strong that I want it again. I want it again. I want it again. Yeah. I don't know why, except the sex, this kind of stress and why playing.

00:36:39:23 - 00:36:44:02

John

It's maybe better than the sex. Yeah. For me.

00:36:44:06 - 00:36:44:23

Luna

00:36:45:01 - 00:37:15:09

John

And now I have a problem with my fiancee because sometimes I sleep in the other room. If it is a soccer game or something, I'm watching in one room and she's sleeping there. And after the game if I have time and I am not sleepy or something, what I'm doing, I'm watching porn. And how I was watching porn, I was playing with itself.

00:37:15:11 - 00:37:24:06

John

It was night and she came, but I didn't see her and she watch me how I am jerking.

00:37:24:07 - 00:37:25:03

Luna

Up.

00:37:25:05 - 00:37:39:14

John

And watching. She made balls, she made orgies and now it's into the problem. Oh of course, that really? Because she didn't know that I like guys.

00:37:39:16 - 00:37:45:13

Luna

Okay, wait. Your fiancee who fucked you with a strap on didn't make that.

00:37:45:13 - 00:37:49:13

John

I never, I never I never told her that I, like.

00:37:49:15 - 00:37:50:20

Luna

Comes alive.

00:37:50:20 - 00:37:59:01

John

I heard that, yes, I told her that I like that is true. I like to be fucked in this. Yeah, because of prostate.

00:37:59:05 - 00:37:59:16

Luna

Yeah.

00:37:59:21 - 00:38:26:15

John

And other feelings. Not just prostate. But I never talk about it. Listen, I like cocks. I never go to her. I have to be honest. So now she's asked me for one try that I said yes. Have you ever tried? I said no, I'm lying. Yeah, but it's complicated situation. No, but I'll be okay in two days and one time.

00:38:26:21 - 00:38:38:01

John

I don't think that she know, but maybe she was bored and it was hormonal and I was jerking. And I like when I can.

00:38:38:01 - 00:38:39:13

Luna

When I'm.

00:38:39:15 - 00:38:45:11

John

In mood, I like to put my legs in air and come in my mouth.

00:38:45:13 - 00:38:48:21

Luna

Oh, you can do that. Like, do you aim it or.

00:38:48:23 - 00:39:17:10

John

Yes, I just put it like you do. Yes. And come in my mouth to my face and I heard that she's coming. And it was really close and it was okay, I'm okay, everything's okay. And I have come here advances. So she told me what is on her face. I said, well, but you said that she's here. What is it?

00:39:17:12 - 00:39:43:21

John

It's like gum. This is gum. I don't know what to do. Talking about. It's not gum. Nothing. How do you mean nothing? Is something. So you try it. If it's gum, you will know I see. It's got to know. It's not gum, I don't know. What is it? So it was disaster two times in a row.

00:39:43:23 - 00:39:46:00

Luna

Oh my God.

00:39:46:01 - 00:39:49:23

John

So I believe she knows about my second secret.

00:39:50:00 - 00:39:54:12

Luna

Okay. How does that make you feel? How does it make her feel for me?

00:39:54:12 - 00:40:03:03

John

It's. I don't care now. I don't care, but I think maybe she's thinking that I'm crazy.

00:40:03:05 - 00:40:07:10

Luna

No. Oh my gosh. Why? Damn. Yeah.

00:40:07:12 - 00:40:32:05

John

This is something that I really like. And I try it in my yogurt in really my language. I would say teenage years. I try it and I didn't like it. I'm not typical made in alcohol situation. Most of the people, most of the planet is horny when they are drinking, they are drinking and they are, you know, for you with every bliss.

00:40:32:06 - 00:40:43:20

John

Yeah, I am not like that. I cannot have sex when I am drinking. I very horny. Second day after I slept.

00:40:43:22 - 00:40:45:04

Luna

Oh.

00:40:45:06 - 00:41:01:06

John

I woke up little bit drunk in this situation I'm very, very caught in this situation. I cannot explain how I'm sick of them. I'm not everybody else I don't know. Do you drink? Okay.

00:41:01:07 - 00:41:04:21

Luna

I can't drink anymore. I just get sick. Yeah, that's a bummer.

00:41:04:22 - 00:41:11:11

John

I produced wine, so I'm drinking everyday. Yeah, it's. I cannot, I'm against it.

00:41:11:16 - 00:41:53:00

Luna

So thank you for sharing that story of your life. Of your sex life so beautifully. I'd love to kind of, like, go back in and gather some details. Okay, so first I think I would love to know a little bit about the background. Kind of I know we spoke a little bit of like the culture that you grew up in, in the early experiences, you know, especially I'm struck by the fact that you were like with groups of other kids and you were the youngest one, you know, and I'm curious if you got any direct religious teachings because you mentioned shame from a pretty young age.

00:41:53:02 - 00:42:03:13

Luna

And I'm curious if you remember adults or like a specific moment where someone gave you that shame because it also sounds like you have been driven by tons of joy, like Bodhi joy.

00:42:03:15 - 00:42:25:07

John

Yes, here when you are born, they both shame in your head, Because I am living in a Catholic country, very primitive in head in the sexual, mean, primitive place. I never spoke with my sister. Nobody. I never talk about sex.

00:42:25:09 - 00:42:26:03

Luna

Wow.

00:42:26:05 - 00:42:55:22

John

Sex is something that nobody like in my country. Sex is something I would sit on here in the countryside. We are open minded in some kind of jokes here. When people talking about sex, they talking just in some funny situation. It's some jokes. Yeah, but we don't speak about sex. And this is the main problem, because everything you want to know you can find just on Pornhub.

00:42:55:22 - 00:43:25:18

John

But when I was young, it was not one problem. It was just recorders. And if you have porn, okay, if you have more, okay, you have just your one. And nowadays I have shame, but I know that I don't have to be ashamed about some feelings that I have, but because of my young age and my parents and my culture and everything else I have.

00:43:25:19 - 00:43:46:15

Luna

As I listened to you speak, I was struck by how even in the face of feeling like you can't share with people or feeling like you have to hide or having all of this shame, it sounds like your desires still led you to these incredible experiences. And so I'm curious what that felt like. And does it come from your body?

00:43:46:15 - 00:43:47:17

John

And yes.

00:43:47:20 - 00:43:49:18

Luna

How does that unfold for you?

00:43:49:19 - 00:44:15:09

John

Like, no, I really want to be with open minded people around me and I am not in that situation and I think I will never be. I am not in USA. Here is you have to work. I have two children and have a job. That's it. And desire is so strong that I want tried so many other things.

00:44:15:11 - 00:44:41:13

John

Now I like to explore my things with humiliation. Yeah, I like feeling of being humiliated. This is very hard to speak about, but when I was with my girl before, I was talking to interview and I told him, are you okay? Do you want it? And she told me, I don't feel you because I am a little bit smaller than average.

00:44:41:15 - 00:45:03:07

John

I have a small cock. In first place, it was a disaster for me, but I just want more and more things like that. I don't know why is that? I really don't know why is that? Yeah, but I really like that humility thing due to the end. Because I cannot do it with my fiancee. No. And by myself.

00:45:03:12 - 00:45:03:20

Luna

Okay.

00:45:03:21 - 00:45:38:10

John

And list three times. We don't have sex shops here in my city. So when I am on some job in other city, I go to the sexual the worker come to me and ask, do you need any help? And I said, yes, I have a micro penis and you have maybe smaller condoms for me. And every single time woman looked at me, and this is something that turned me on so much I know.

00:45:38:12 - 00:45:40:07

John

I really don't know what really.

00:45:40:09 - 00:45:48:07

Luna

What do you think or imagine they are thinking? And what version of that thought turns you on the most?

00:45:48:09 - 00:46:15:12

John

I don't know, I am thinking the thinking that they imagine how small I am. Yeah, to their thinking goal. I really want to know how small it is and work against me. How small do you want? And I told her the smallest do you have? Or I go in sex shop, you have some place. And maybe it's not humiliated in your country, but here it's very humiliated and go to sexual and with it.

00:46:15:12 - 00:46:22:00

John

So a worker came to me and say, do you need help? And I said, Russian women's clothes.

00:46:22:02 - 00:46:22:18

Luna

00:46:22:19 - 00:46:50:00

John

Shoes. Okay, I have now, what size is your girlfriend? And I said, it's not for my girlfriend is for me. This situation, my heart beats so much I cannot explain to how much I am stressed. I am humiliated in this situation. Women. So watching me laughing a little bit. Water is not there really for you? I don't know.

00:46:50:02 - 00:47:00:14

John

I can see what size. I really don't know. You mean for you? I said yes, yes, you come first time for me and it's really, really something that now.

00:47:00:17 - 00:47:01:22

Luna

Yeah.

00:47:02:00 - 00:47:30:02

John

There's no. Yeah. Or even the same story. And I'm asking do you need any help? I said I want to have the biggest of the two. Have you? And she asked me, okay, maybe it's for a original or what do it's for me, it's for me and I like. And, also watching me, this again, heartbeat is very strong in that situation, so I don't know why I liked it.

00:47:30:02 - 00:47:35:09

John

Yeah, I really don't know why. Like I liked it, but I still like it.

00:47:35:11 - 00:47:57:04

Luna

What I'm loving. One of the many things I'm loving from your stories is how you bring your physical experience into the narrative. Like, I love, I love knowing that because I am driven by a similar like curiosity, impulse and then that kind of like flutters. I don't know if it's fear for me, I call it, I actually call it arousal.

00:47:57:04 - 00:48:03:23

Luna

It's like I'm turned on, even if I'm very scared, even if I'm so nervous and I'm I'm also a shaker. And so I like.

00:48:04:00 - 00:48:05:00

John

I'm shaker too.

00:48:05:00 - 00:48:36:13

Luna

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you were talking about the blowjob thing, I can really relate to that. And for me too, it's also why it's so hot to have a top that then is just like like, you know, whatever, whatever my nervous system is doing. Someone who can just, you know, help me ground is really, really yummy. Here's my question to you about your experience, because I, I really struggle with the kind of concepts of maybe we call it humiliation or degradation or kind of like seeking out that feeling of whatever.

00:48:36:15 - 00:48:53:09

Luna

Do you think you would be more or less aroused if, like, one of those women approached you and was like a small penis? How small is it? I'm curious. Like if they were in agreement around it, would that turn you on or would that make you feel different, like, yeah.

00:48:53:11 - 00:49:09:21

John

I, I'm shaking right now. Yeah, I'm really shaking right now because this is my dream come true. Okay. I would like to. Yeah. And this is my dream. That never will happen. But, I think I will, I think that the small will want to see.

00:49:09:23 - 00:49:10:06

Luna

Yeah.

00:49:10:12 - 00:49:11:19

John

Because I'm really small.

00:49:11:21 - 00:49:14:15

Luna

Can I ask you about your penis?

00:49:14:17 - 00:49:22:23

John

It's a word is okay, but it is small. About maybe in in Gypsy Street in half inch long.

00:49:23:00 - 00:49:24:15

Luna

Does it change when it gets hard?

00:49:24:17 - 00:49:29:10

John

Yes, it when it's hard, it's about three and a half, maybe inch.

00:49:29:12 - 00:49:35:08

Luna

When did you realize that you were on the smaller size compared to other people.

00:49:35:10 - 00:49:59:03

John

In first time when we was younger, the age when we were masturbating in groups. So. But you were bigger than me. After the game, which, I showed with the others. Well, and when I was with men's and you see, you born you you measure yourself. It's not hard to find out. The two are smaller than the others.

00:49:59:03 - 00:50:17:18

Luna

Yeah, yeah. I just also have spoken to plenty of penis owners who haven't seen as many other naked men as you have, and they think they're small and they're like, pretty average. So I'm just like, okay, what kind of humiliation phrases really get you off around small penis humiliation?

00:50:17:22 - 00:50:38:23

John

When I was with a friend, or maybe she put me in a woman's clothes. She would like to talk to me. Come on, little bitch. Come on, sissy, with my pussy. Now I will fuck your race because you've been. This is so small to for others. You're worthless. Your little bitch. Now suck my cock. Tell me that you're a fagot.

00:50:39:03 - 00:50:45:02

John

That you love cocks, sucking cocks. You are a little sucker. Yeah, something like that.

00:50:45:02 - 00:51:03:21

Luna

Okay. Is small penis humiliation for you? Like, related to. Or could it play dovetail nicely with forced feminization? And that sissy came directly connected for you. So like, what if it got called, like a clit or like I couldn't even see a little dick? Okay, cool.

00:51:03:23 - 00:51:09:13

John

So it's really turning me on. Mostly when I would just indicate,

00:51:09:15 - 00:51:16:07

Luna

What material is the cage made out of plastic. Okay. What does it feel like when you start to fill it up?

00:51:16:09 - 00:51:21:12

John

Or. We feel really different because balls are really tight in this situation.

00:51:21:14 - 00:51:22:04

Luna

Yeah.

00:51:22:06 - 00:51:49:18

John

And it's really something different. Everyone is have to try it. But I have one problems with I never spoke with anybody, but people with a small penis will understand we with small penis hill. One problem. Nobody can think about it when I'm introduced like no. And I'm. I'm sorry that I have to pee pee myself if I am in white pants to show off.

00:51:49:19 - 00:52:14:08

John

And mostly I have to be sitting when you are in a cage, of course you have to be like a woman and you are like, you know, this is mind game that you then understand. And if you have chastity and you are in talks and nobody see that, I am just like now and I'm going to bathroom, see this.

00:52:14:10 - 00:52:18:06

John

And it's really, really humiliating. Just turn me on.

00:52:18:08 - 00:52:28:20

Luna

I love that. So in your intro you said you like eating your own cum, but then in some stories it sounds like maybe you have also tasted other people's cum as well.

00:52:28:22 - 00:52:33:19

John

Yes, so many people you okay?

00:52:33:19 - 00:52:43:21

Luna

So a do you have a favorite? Does it matter? Like is your cum tastier or is it just situationally different? And then be like when did you start coming in your own mouth?

00:52:43:23 - 00:52:46:21

John

What is a Harris camp is different.

00:52:47:00 - 00:52:47:16

Luna

Okay.

00:52:47:18 - 00:52:50:15

John

But I like it because I am.

00:52:50:18 - 00:52:51:00

Luna

Two.

00:52:51:04 - 00:53:01:01

John

Meters, so I really, I really don't mind. I just want that come in my mouth. This is something that I really.

00:53:01:01 - 00:53:01:21

Luna

Want.

00:53:01:23 - 00:53:33:16

John

To second, when I started cum in my mouth, I think early teenage years I would swim alone and I was trying to come in this situation, but I never, never succeed. I have not squirted too much, a little bit and just go, yeah. And I was thinking, what can I do? So I put my leg in there. After a few times I was professional and nowadays I really, like become my own prick.

00:53:33:18 - 00:53:38:09

John

Yeah. So like, oh, it's just really smell like this.

00:53:38:11 - 00:53:57:18

Luna

I love the taste of it. Like getting that little clear drop and just, like, licking it off. Here's a question. When you are coming in your own mouth like, are you jerking yourself to the point of like, almost being there and then flipping? Or do you, like, finish yourself legs up? Like how how are you? When is the orgasm happening?

00:53:57:18 - 00:54:00:15

John

Orgasm session where my legs are in.

00:54:00:15 - 00:54:04:14

Luna

There with you, so you put them there. And then it happened on the wall.

00:54:04:18 - 00:54:06:20

John

On the wall. And I'm joking.

00:54:06:22 - 00:54:11:13

Luna

So is it like it's like the finale where your legs are up or do you do the whole okay, okay.

00:54:11:16 - 00:54:13:19

John

It's really like here. Pros.

00:54:13:19 - 00:54:14:09

Luna

Yeah.

00:54:14:11 - 00:54:21:13

John

So I'm professional in the situation there. Like to watch my cock. Oh it's really close. But I cannot believe that.

00:54:21:18 - 00:54:24:12

Luna

Have you ever recorded yourself doing that?

00:54:24:14 - 00:54:32:12

John

I recorded myself with every thing I have been doing, but I just see that and do it.

00:54:32:15 - 00:54:33:23

Luna

Okay, that's.

00:54:33:23 - 00:54:36:01

John

Because I'm afraid to switch to other. See?

00:54:36:01 - 00:54:37:13

Luna

Yeah, that makes sense.

00:54:37:15 - 00:55:06:21

John

But I like to see myself riding a cock. I like to see it'll come. I like to see myself in tongues. Every situation that I am thinking about. Yeah. And in this situation, first time I try to be my mom. If I was really young and I saw this sport and I was thinking how to taste and how will I try it, I first time I tried and it was very weird, but nothing.

00:55:06:23 - 00:55:09:06

Luna

Really caught me.

00:55:09:07 - 00:55:23:21

John

And I decided, okay, maybe I will have to try it. Like why? Okay. And I try. It is difficult. Yeah, I liked it, but this is not for everything. You have to prepare everything around you to play with your own bits.

00:55:24:00 - 00:55:28:15

Luna

Yeah, yeah. You can't just legs up it in the shower quite so easily.

00:55:28:17 - 00:55:32:09

John

No, because I tried and I, I couldn't.

00:55:32:11 - 00:55:33:20

Luna

Yeah.

00:55:33:22 - 00:55:38:14

John

It's not easy, believe me. Do not try that. Cool.

00:55:38:16 - 00:55:48:14

Luna

Okay. So when you were with your partner in the play, kind of exploration that you told us about, was that on you? Was it in your mouth? Was it on your face? Like, what? What was the situation there?

00:55:48:16 - 00:56:00:15

John

I just played this game with my fiancee, except the Phantom lady, but in the relationship. So I'm thinking about. And I was on my knees, and I put, like, her vagina like that.

00:56:00:15 - 00:56:01:01

Luna

Okay.

00:56:01:01 - 00:56:08:16

John

And she basically in my mouth, but I don't remember for three weeks in my mouth because we both drunk.

00:56:08:21 - 00:56:09:10

Luna

Like.

00:56:09:12 - 00:56:32:05

John

I said. Yeah. So I really don't remember the taste, but I remember the last one. It was really good because she drink a lot of water that day. And this is very important if you are enough hydrated, this will be like some juicy. Yeah I don't know. It's not salty juicy salty water. Yeah. But if you are not nice smells it's a lot different.

00:56:32:05 - 00:56:33:06

John

And it's hard to swallow.

00:56:33:07 - 00:56:56:07

Luna

It's. Yeah I've been in both situations and I think the prepare to hydration is is for me the way to go. So here's a question I have going back to come a little bit, maybe not so much for the mouth when you're in chastity for a few, it sounds like you've been in for days. On those longer times, what's the longest you've been without coming and then do you notice a difference like in your load when you finally do?

00:56:56:09 - 00:56:58:05

John

Or seven days?

00:56:58:07 - 00:56:58:22

Luna

Damn.

00:56:59:01 - 00:57:26:13

John

Seven long days, seven long days? It was really hard for me because of two situation. One situation is that I'm talking with my friend, the lady. Yeah, every night, maybe 15 20 minutes. But after her or before and talking with my girlfriend and we have some sex talk about pain. And she asked me, do you touch yourself? You're like it.

00:57:26:13 - 00:57:33:11

John

And touching myself. And I am turned on, but I cannot have erection because I am interested.

00:57:33:15 - 00:57:35:00

Luna

Right?

00:57:35:02 - 00:58:00:18

John

This is something that is so hard to explain. You want something but you cannot do it and desire that you have. That situation is so hard. Sex cannot do it. Do you like this situation? This is so much pressure on your body, pressure on the mind. It's something that really turn me on.

00:58:00:18 - 00:58:01:03

Luna

Yeah.

00:58:01:07 - 00:58:27:08

John

And you know, when I am in Chasity, I didn't want my girlfriend for a long time, weren't there? So first, maybe I was shocked first, maybe 15 minutes after I put in. No, I cannot have full expression in this direction. But not for the second erection. Yeah. And it is something like, oh my God, what have I done?

00:58:27:10 - 00:58:33:14

John

What is it now? And after few minutes and after first come it is normally like before.

00:58:33:16 - 00:58:34:02

Luna

Okay.

00:58:34:04 - 00:58:47:07

John

But when you put it that you will not have so hard erection that you think that you have. But taste of cum is very, very, very different. It's stronger.

00:58:47:11 - 00:58:48:13

Luna

Really.

00:58:48:15 - 00:59:03:18

John

It's stronger. It's really taste ten times stronger, full of taste. I don't know how to say So if somebody don't like to swallow that kind of cum will never swallow.

00:59:03:20 - 00:59:15:18

Luna

I am so team like if it's already in my mouth I want to swallow it. I have never done the snowballing that you described. I've never given come back and forth in my mouth. Have you done that more than that? One time you told us.

00:59:15:20 - 00:59:39:23

John

Yes, yes, sometimes my physician really like that. But it's it's not so many girls outside that want that. Maybe they want, but they don't do it. But I never try skirt. I really want the choice. Yeah, I really want woman. Squirt in my mouth. I really don't know different in squirt and come And it's something that I want to accomplish.

00:59:40:01 - 00:59:47:07

John

It's something to drive that I really want that. And they want to see some others in my life. Yes.

00:59:47:09 - 00:59:48:18

Luna

Do you think that could happen?

00:59:48:18 - 01:00:00:01

John

Cuckold hot wife. Relationship. In my mind, I'm thinking that I can do it this term. But in real life, I know it will be. Or not.

01:00:00:03 - 01:00:00:17

Luna

Okay.

01:00:00:19 - 01:00:03:18

John

But squirt, I believe squirt is absolutely for me.

01:00:03:18 - 01:00:05:17

Luna

Squirt is in your future. It sounds like.

01:00:05:17 - 01:00:07:15

John

Have you ever tried? Have you ever tried.

01:00:07:17 - 01:00:25:16

Luna

My own squirt? I've had, My former master would, like, make me come, like, squirt in his hand and then, like, you know, like, put it all over my face and kind of. So I've tasted some of it that way. I mean, I've never had a, pussy owning partner, like, squirt into my mouth. Oh, that's gotta go on my bucket list.

01:00:25:18 - 01:00:45:04

Luna

Yeah, I haven't had, like, gushing on my face yet, but I have tasted it and it is sweet nectar, like it's amazing. You know, I mean, by the time I'm like, fucking a partner, I tend to really like their tastes and smells. And so as long as they are hydrated and taking care of themselves, then like, yeah, it's really.

01:00:45:06 - 01:00:55:21

John

I really like I really like a smell of six. I like when pussy smelling like pussy. Yeah, I like when cock smelling like cock. I really like as it stands.

01:00:55:22 - 01:01:08:22

Luna

Yeah. When we get sweaty too. Yeah, I like to, yeah. To eat that. I mean, a nice clean ass, but like, I like it. I don't want it to taste like soap. Do you know what I mean? Like, I like the skin. Yeah, I like the animal parts, which I wanted to ask you about. Speaking of, like, the animalistic parts.

01:01:08:22 - 01:01:23:06

Luna

Like being out in nature, like you described. First of all, that sounds so hot. Like in that forest setting. Like the forest and the beach and this, like, magical, you know, it's like everyone's playing. Do you feel like that tapped into a primal part of you?

01:01:23:08 - 01:01:39:20

John

I don't know, but I just know that I enjoy it. Yeah. If you ever been in my country, you will call me and I will show you the date. And every single day, every single time. There is so many people, so many fucking each other. And this is illegal.

01:01:39:22 - 01:01:40:23

Luna

Yeah, that's what I wanted to say.

01:01:40:23 - 01:01:42:16

John

Everybody knows about it.

01:01:42:18 - 01:01:48:20

Luna

Okay, so it's just one of those human things where it's like, this is the rule, and then they just don't. Yes. Okay.

01:01:48:20 - 01:02:09:11

John

Yes. Police came and they never do anything interesting. So with my fiancee I'm going to the biggest discount shit in my country. And this is over five years I think six maybe. Okay. And we are there. Promoter 12 days and we are really enjoying new this lifestyle.

01:02:09:17 - 01:02:10:20

Luna

Amazing.

01:02:10:22 - 01:02:17:10

John

We have just two friends there because mostly they are Germans and Italian.

01:02:17:12 - 01:02:17:18

Luna

Okay.

01:02:17:22 - 01:02:30:02

John

Because this very expensive, this lifestyle is very expensive and they're close to be extremely close. And I believe this is the only Swedish club in my country.

01:02:30:02 - 01:02:31:02

Luna

Oh wow.

01:02:31:04 - 01:02:41:00

John

It's really beautiful. We were there, but nothing happened. But I saw the glory. For the first time in my life, I did not participate.

01:02:41:03 - 01:02:41:17

Luna

Okay.

01:02:41:19 - 01:02:57:20

John

But I saw it, and it's amazing. I don't know if I will love more to be from this side or this side of glory. Cool. I really don't know. Everything is great. For me. It was more cool. It's something that I will want to try.

01:02:57:21 - 01:02:58:23

Luna

Yeah, same same thing.

01:02:59:04 - 01:03:03:18

John

I never fucked with complete stranger in a few minutes.

01:03:03:20 - 01:03:08:09

Luna

I've never done that either, but I'm scared. What is that something you would want?

01:03:08:11 - 01:03:09:13

John

It is in my mind.

01:03:09:15 - 01:03:10:11

Luna

Okay.

01:03:10:13 - 01:03:13:00

John

I'm scared to wait to get to.

01:03:13:01 - 01:03:15:23

Luna

But you did meet those people at the beach.

01:03:16:01 - 01:03:42:08

John

Yes, but we have some kind of icon talk, right? We were watching. We have some kind of relationship in that moment, but I never got in club. And some of the just in front of me say, hey, you want to have sex? And I said, okay, well, I want I want that feeling. Yeah, okay. Now let's go or somebody touch me here.

01:03:42:10 - 01:04:06:06

John

And I said, what do you want? Maybe he told me to move down. And I see it's been this outside and I just go, man, is it no sucking from people. This is so crazy. But in my mind, it's really hot. Yeah, I believe I will never, never do it, but it's in my mind. It's really, really something that is eternal.

01:04:06:08 - 01:04:29:02

Luna

I say never say never. I am always like, well, I haven't done this yet. I always leave the possibility open. And, you know, and I trust the unfolding. One thing that I really loved about the story of the beach, this magical beach, is that your German lovers were like, use protection, please. You know, I love that that made it into your story.

01:04:29:04 - 01:04:36:00

Luna

Are people like being naked, walking around with like, little bags? Like, where does the protection live? What's the logistics of that?

01:04:36:02 - 01:04:39:18

John

It's like your see, everybody have some bags.

01:04:39:21 - 01:04:41:13

Luna

Like a little fanny pack I love.

01:04:41:13 - 01:04:46:04

John

It. And there is golden sand. Everything for cleanup.

01:04:46:04 - 01:04:57:02

Luna

Okay. I need to get a fucking fanny pack and a towel before I enter the nudist life, okay? Or the sexy nudist life? I know most nudist stuff doesn't have to do with sex. Let me say that out loud. However.

01:04:57:04 - 01:04:57:19

John

Yes, yes.

01:04:57:19 - 01:05:00:13

Luna

You know, in those spaces where they are allowed.

01:05:00:15 - 01:05:14:16

John

And when we are with clean ups, one of my leading things in a mind that I would like to try to clean up, my fiance have to fuck her. Yeah, I would like to lift sperm from her. Regina. Never say never.

01:05:14:16 - 01:05:15:17

Luna

Yeah, never say never.

01:05:15:18 - 01:05:17:02

John

This is something new.

01:05:17:05 - 01:05:38:11

Luna

Yeah, okay. This is a little bit outside of the realm of sex stories, but I've really been enjoying asking people these questions, and I'm so curious to hear. How do you understand, like, the emotions of sex and or how is it different from love and or like romance? Like I heard you speak about love in your stories. I heard you speak about romance.

01:05:38:11 - 01:05:47:08

Luna

And I'm curious, especially as a man, especially as a man raised in a Catholic country. Like, how do you kind of conceive of all of those feelings?

01:05:47:10 - 01:06:16:22

John

I think it's the biggest problem in my head with a romantic six love relationship and mix it together. Yeah, because in my my religion, friends, family culture said that with your love you have to be romantic, you have to be slow. Sex is like in the movies. You want to just kissing and have sex. And if you love somebody, you don't be their mouth.

01:06:17:00 - 01:06:43:07

John

You don't fuck caress. You don't talk stops. I believe this is situation now in my relationship because in first place we were fuck buddies. We are trying new things and now we are in relationship. Now we are not doing right things because we are in love now we are in relationship now. We are holding family and we don't do that.

01:06:43:09 - 01:06:59:23

John

Things to struggle. This is for somebody else and this is program of our project here. This is separate ocean of love and kinky stuffs. I would like to have a relationship love with kinky stuff.

01:06:59:23 - 01:07:01:06

Luna

Me too.

01:07:01:08 - 01:07:21:20

John

And I don't have it. I have no hair and I am so sad about that. This is something that really much I would like to have somebody like do open, I don't know, do you have that kind of relationship that you love somebody but you are in kinky, really kinky relationship? In kinky sex.

01:07:21:22 - 01:07:44:20

Luna

It's really hard for me to take love out of everything. And lately I've been asking about love a lot more because I don't know if I. I don't know if my brain or my heart experiences love the same way other people do. How do we talk about it in words? How do we feel it? I know that when I was with my former master, you know, the one who did the most deliciously terrible, degrading, like torturous things to me, I thought I loved him.

01:07:44:22 - 01:08:05:07

Luna

I would say I love you a lot, like I would surrender myself fully to his being. And, you know, looking back, was the behavior between us always loving? Like, is that love that I want for myself? It certainly wasn't built for partnership. We didn't have a life to live together, but I really hold the hope for myself that that's possible.

01:08:05:09 - 01:08:27:23

Luna

And also, I can't control who I meet or who I partner with. I'm still dealing with my own, like relational issues around abandonment and around, you know, expecting people to leave me. And now I have this confusing layer with the podcast and fans, and I am exploring sex work, and I'm still hornier and kinkier than most people I date or meet, you know, men or women.

01:08:28:01 - 01:08:54:05

Luna

And I really have to believe it's possible. And the story that I'm hearing from you, where it's like we were so kinky and hot and now we're in love, and now it goes away. Even I experienced that in my relationship with I think my former master had kind of what you're describing, where once he decided that he was in love with me, even though I wasn't his wife, and I was just kind of like this extra creature, like, I think he started to resent the role switch or something, even though I was like, no, just fuck me dirty.

01:08:54:05 - 01:09:08:11

Luna

I don't know, you know? So I know I've interviewed people who seem to have it all, who seem to have, like, these deliciously kinky relationships. Those people give me hope. I believe it's possible. Then again, I'm not in the depths of their experience. How can we know?

01:09:08:11 - 01:09:38:16

John

Yes, I have a problem. Just after the 26, just after I came. I have a problem because I don't know how to be with the person in front of me, because in this situation I'm like, now I know it, but I'm not thinking, what should I do now that's sick. And after I came, I don't know how to be in that situation, how to go around the situation and know how to speak in the church.

01:09:38:16 - 01:10:04:17

John

I didn't know anything. I'm trying to be good, but it's not good. I'm really shamed. Few minutes after I am thinking, am I too crazy? What have I done, why I have to do that? Or what she or he is thinking about me now. Okay, I have that problem just two seconds after six and after a few minutes or hours I'm normal again.

01:10:04:19 - 01:10:10:00

John

Oh God, this is so hard for me. This is that I want to be better.

01:10:10:02 - 01:10:14:08

Luna

Wow. Does it only come up when you're with a partner? Does it happen when you're alone?

01:10:14:10 - 01:10:41:11

John

No, no. When I'm. No no no. But sometimes. Sometimes when I'm really, really cold and I'm doing some. This is the time when after I'm drunk. Yeah. To drunk night. Yeah. And when I woke up I'm so horny the time doing the craziest thing I have ever done. And after that I'm thinking that's normal. And once I put my usual in my ass, it was very dirty.

01:10:41:13 - 01:11:06:12

John

Yeah, and opposite to me in my mouth again. And this time ugly. After that I was thinking, oh my God, what have you done? Why are you doing that? And I don't know why, but just in that really hard kinky stuff. Yeah, but maybe I'd like to. Sometimes I like to bold bastard a little bit. Not too much.

01:11:06:14 - 01:11:31:18

John

Yes. And I have some toys. My toys. And for that, I like to scratch them between the balls. But just the one. Very fun. And after all, what to do or ask them out. It's very mind game for me because I want it. And after that, after I try it white as juice in my mouth after I came.

01:11:31:22 - 01:11:48:05

John

Especially if I came in my mouth. Yeah, after that then I am going to shower and I'm thinking, oh come on, you also too much kinky. Maybe. Maybe you have to be. But just a minute after that time. Okay.

01:11:48:07 - 01:12:17:14

Luna

You know, it's interesting because as I hear you speak, I think about you identify as a submissive, I identify as a submissive. All of my experiences in which I've done the stuff that really is at my edges, you know? So the first time I had an anal hook and things got like, you know, just really intense, a little bit messy the first time that I had pee in my mouth or again, dude, did these kind of like, crazy kinky things that maybe I am judging myself for because I don't have enough kinky friends to normalize it.

01:12:17:16 - 01:12:25:14

Luna

But for me, in the relationship that I was in, I was able to get physical comfort from my dirty, dirty partner.

01:12:25:19 - 01:12:26:20

John

Yes, that's really.

01:12:26:22 - 01:12:46:21

Luna

In the moment. After I would just clap and lay there and as I hear you talk, I think about the moments of, oh God, wow. I'm actually having a big moment of realizing how often, when I'm alone, I've had self-judgment come up around my kinks, especially as I explore more of my kinks that are related to sex work.

01:12:46:21 - 01:12:58:11

Luna

And there's so much judgment and so much of like, well, why am I into this weird thing? And so, as I hear you speak, I wonder if there's a way for us to give ourselves that kind of holding or aftercare if it's not available from a partner. You know.

01:12:58:16 - 01:13:00:00

John

I don't know how to do it. I don't.

01:13:00:00 - 01:13:11:09

Luna

Know either. But maybe you could imagine me hugging you from across the world. I don't know, you know, like because I think for me, the physical, the body part is really important. How we give that to ourselves in our heads, I don't know.

01:13:11:11 - 01:13:17:11

John

Yes. Because when I'm alone, I like to watch, see, I enjoy videos. You know what?

01:13:17:12 - 01:13:19:23

Luna

The joy, jerkoff instructions.

01:13:20:00 - 01:13:21:20

John

Yes. And coming.

01:13:22:01 - 01:13:23:22

Luna

And coming. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

01:13:24:00 - 01:13:50:22

John

I just loved watching. And every time you watch some other videos, one time I accidentally open one window and we know it was. See, I play with Google Play, okay. And it was the first time it structure was the children Earth and slowly pulled it out and put it in your mom and I was so horny that time.

01:13:51:00 - 01:14:16:03

John

I'm watching that I'm putting my video for my ads and I am watching the video and it's dirty. And in that situation, I don't know what to do. And one side of me said, come on, put it in your mouth. Another said, no, clean it up. No, put it not, clean it, not put it. And in this situation I put it in my mouth.

01:14:16:03 - 01:14:16:18

Luna

Okay.

01:14:16:20 - 01:14:42:08

John

I realize that it's turning on and this is some kind of situation that you cannot explain to yourself, what am I doing? And this person, or what am I doing? And this will just mean I'm putting everything in my face. And I came and two seconds after that, again, I am turning to myself, what have you.

01:14:42:10 - 01:14:42:20

Luna

Yeah.

01:14:43:01 - 01:14:47:05

John

And this is some kind of situation that I don't know how to behave.

01:14:47:07 - 01:14:58:21

Luna

Right? There's no social norm for what if maybe we are into dirty play? What if we were all the way into play? You know, there's no script for that in our society.

01:14:59:00 - 01:14:59:16

John

I'm not.

01:14:59:16 - 01:15:02:01

Luna

It's good. No, you're not, but but for example.

01:15:02:02 - 01:15:05:12

John

But but in that situation I wasn't right.

01:15:05:17 - 01:15:06:20

Luna

It was a byproduct.

01:15:06:22 - 01:15:14:20

John

Yes. It was just full time, maybe three or 4 or 5 times. But in that situation it's certainly, you know, other situation. I don't like.

01:15:14:20 - 01:15:16:12

Luna

It. I've been in the same place.

01:15:16:14 - 01:15:43:07

John

I feel one thing that I stopped myself, I was watching porn and I'm not really normal. And I saw fleshy scenes in Kevin in malls, and you were a little bit open your cabin, somebody can see how you are naked. And this is something that should be one. Yeah. And I do it a few times. Some people saw me a woman's, and there's more.

01:15:43:09 - 01:16:08:04

John

But in one situation I said, maybe I can try three times and try and woman's goes and a little bit open the door and I start doing that. But I heard one woman said, there is a man trying the woman's clothes to go call the security. Really fast. I just put it away and probably I didn't do it.

01:16:08:06 - 01:16:08:22

Luna

01:16:09:00 - 01:16:22:00

John

So in this situation, I really start thinking that maybe you have to have some boundaries, maybe have to be in your mind and nothing else. You just do it.

01:16:22:05 - 01:16:23:11

Luna

Yeah.

01:16:23:13 - 01:16:30:12

John

It's not everything for everybody. For everywhere. Something has to be in your mind. And just in that point.

01:16:30:14 - 01:16:32:02

Luna

Maybe. And it's also like.

01:16:32:06 - 01:16:33:00

John

It's too risky.

01:16:33:04 - 01:16:51:10

Luna

Yeah, it's risky. And we also don't get to grow sexually as beings, as creatures, as humans until we try stuff. And so finding those safe spaces, finding the boundaries that make us feel safe, but maybe not too safe because we still need a thrill, you know? But but finding a way for us to all kind of, like, exist.

01:16:51:10 - 01:17:13:14

Luna