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40s bisexual female, she/her pronouns, erotic romance author, host of the erotica fiction and sexuality podcast: Oh F*ck Yeah with Ruan Willow, a voiceover artist, audiobook narrator, and blogger, into: power play, exhibitionism, and outdoor play.

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00:00:00:04 - 00:00:16:12

Luna

Our guest today is an erotic romance author, host of the erotica, fiction and sexuality podcast oh Fuck Yeah! With Ruined Willow, a voiceover artist, audiobook narrator and sex blogger who is into power play, exhibitionism and outdoor sex. Welcome. Ruin. Willow.

00:00:16:14 - 00:00:19:17

Ruan

Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited to be here.

00:00:19:21 - 00:00:30:16

Luna

I'm super excited for you to be here. Can you start off by telling us if you had to reach your self on a sexual shame meter from one being totally shameless to ten being super duper full of shame, where do you fall right now?

00:00:30:18 - 00:00:43:17

Ruan

Oh, right now I am way better than I ever have been in my entire life. I'm thinking I'm down at a one or a zero because I have shed a lot of shame. Baby. Hell, yes.

00:00:43:19 - 00:00:44:09

Luna

Amazing.

00:00:44:11 - 00:01:03:07

Ruan

I actually like to tell this story because I think it's kind of horrific. When I was in, like, maybe elementary school, I was so excited. I came to my mom. I was like, pumped. I was like, mom, when I touch between my legs, it feels amazing. And she looked at me and she said, you shouldn't be doing that.

00:01:03:09 - 00:01:14:03

Ruan

Oh, yes. And you know, that one sentence impacted me. So you know what I did? I became a grinder, so I wasn't touching.

00:01:14:05 - 00:01:15:07

Luna

Very smart of you.

00:01:15:08 - 00:01:34:11

Ruan

Pillows, stuffed animals, you name it. You know, my hand and pillows were great. I love pillows, but they got me too squishy. They had to be a little bit firm, right? Squishy was bad. They just smush, you know, there's no firmness. And then going on, nothing really got better. Or, you know, I got the talk and it was more about pregnancy than the medical stuff.

00:01:34:13 - 00:01:55:15

Ruan

Same with school. The sex I had was medical. It wasn't pleasurable. They didn't even say the word clit. I don't even think they. Maybe they didn't know the word clit. I don't know, but they didn't mention that. And then time went on. It just never got better. I had the whole religious shaming thing as well. And then all of a sudden I decided that was it.

00:01:55:17 - 00:02:01:08

Ruan

I was in my 40s and I decided I'm getting a sex toy. And then my world exploded.

00:02:01:09 - 00:02:19:08

Luna

Oh, okay. Wow wow wow. I want to slow down and back up just a little bit. It sounds like you've got just the most barebones basic talk. Maybe not the most supportive talk from a parent. Did anyone ever give you a lesson in consent? Growing up, did you ever even have that concept into your sphere? No. Okay.

00:02:19:11 - 00:02:36:18

Ruan

No, not at all. I think most of the things I saw on consent were like people violating, like on TV and movies. You know, it wasn't anything positive or sexy or, hey, you know, this is okay to say, you know, there was nothing really positive about consent that I saw as a young person.

00:02:36:20 - 00:02:38:07

Luna

Okay. What about pleasure?

00:02:38:09 - 00:02:54:09

Ruan

Pleasure was really not mentioned. It was taboo. Like I said, my mother said you shouldn't be doing that. So I was telling her about pleasure very excitedly as an innocent child. And I got shut down just right from the get go. So for me, it took me a long time to really get it and to really understand my body.

00:02:54:09 - 00:03:01:12

Ruan

I mean, it really took me a very long time to understand my body and really, honestly, sex toys is what helped me understand my body the best. Okay.

00:03:01:14 - 00:03:08:10

Luna

And you feel comfy saying how long ago the sex toy 40s discovery was like, how far in are you?

00:03:08:12 - 00:03:10:19

Ruan

Still pretty recent. Still pretty recent.

00:03:10:19 - 00:03:12:22

Luna

Okay. Amazing, amazing.

00:03:13:00 - 00:03:18:05

Ruan

But I have a lot of sex toys now. I have like 50, so I've gone from one extreme to the other, so.

00:03:18:05 - 00:03:22:08

Luna

Okay. How do you store them? And how do you decide which ones do you win?

00:03:22:10 - 00:03:39:13

Ruan

Well, I have my favorites for sure, and I store them all over. I have some upstairs in the bedroom. I have some in my office. I have a one in a drawer. And you know, I have my favorite. So not that I don't like the other ones. And I'm one of these people, like, you know, often how many does reach out to me and be like, hey, will you review our sex toy?

00:03:39:13 - 00:03:50:03

Ruan

And I have a really hard time saying sex toys suck because they're either an edger or a finisher, so if they aren't a finisher, I guess I'll have a hard time saying they're bad because they can still move me towards that, you know?

00:03:50:03 - 00:04:02:07

Luna

Oh yeah. Yeah, and I love the variety. Okay, I'm laughing a little also because I was, I hear you say like, oh, have sex toys in my office. I'm imagining you like narrating a sexy audiobook and being like, pause and just be like.

00:04:02:09 - 00:04:16:03

Ruan

Well, I've done that in writing two, I've done the same thing. And my friend created this sex toy, which is absolutely fantastic. She's a writer herself, and so she created this. I always call it a pussy saddle. There's a little toy that sits on your chair and you can rock on it and grind.

00:04:16:05 - 00:04:18:00

Luna

Where do we get that?

00:04:18:02 - 00:04:31:15

Ruan

It's the ruby glow. So Ruby created it. And she has a different one to the ruby blush now, but she created this for herself when she was writing stories, and then she marketed it because she wanted to get off. Well, she was right. Isn't that brilliant?

00:04:31:17 - 00:04:48:10

Luna

I love that. I love that I started writing erotica, like during the pandemic, and there were days where I was sitting there, just like in my bed, like touching myself and writing and just being like, this is my hobby. It's so good. So can you tell us now what is sexy to ruin Willow like? What is your personal definition?

00:04:48:10 - 00:04:51:08

Luna

What are things that you find sexy? What is sexy to you?

00:04:51:10 - 00:05:16:11

Ruan

Sexy to me is anything that I feel sexy doing, anything that I enjoy. I like to present myself to the world too, with like sexy pictures and social media. It's sexy to me. Is consent. It is, you know, talking about sex and doing what I want and not going too far that into my boundaries. You know, sexy to me is me knowing what I want in my partner, knowing what I want and not crossing those boundaries.

00:05:16:13 - 00:05:29:04

Ruan

Okay, you know, that's sexy to me. And power play is sexy to me for sure. I like sex outside. That's always fun. Can't go wrong with that. Yeah, and there's so much to enjoy. It's hard to pinpoint, but that's some things, I guess.

00:05:29:06 - 00:05:40:07

Luna

Do you feel comfortable sharing any particular favorite types of sensations that we don't have to give to specific, but just for your comfort? Like body feelings wise, physical sensations wise? What is sexy?

00:05:40:07 - 00:05:57:10

Ruan

Well, I like to call myself a clit junkie because I definitely am okay. One of my favorite sex toys is the zoom yo, which is a very pinpointed external clitoral stimulator, and it looks kind of like a pen zoom. Yo Z, who am I? Oh, they're a Canadian company and I've tried three of them.

00:05:57:14 - 00:05:58:21

Luna

I, I have four different styles.

00:05:58:21 - 00:06:24:14

Ruan

I've tried three of the four and they really helped me. This is really cool. This is something I figured out only because of this toy. And it's something called clit mapping. Because it's so pinpointed with this toy, you can touch it on little parts of your clit and figure out which one is more stimulating. And I found out with this toy only that my right side is more sensitive and very reactive compared to other parts.

00:06:24:16 - 00:06:33:07

Ruan

It's so amazing if you have not tried this toy and if you think about it, okay, right, like so you take a clit sucker, okay, that goes all the way around your clit. You're touching every part of your clit, right?

00:06:33:10 - 00:06:34:12

Luna

That's a lot for me.

00:06:34:17 - 00:06:43:09

Ruan

Now you take something like the zoom yo, which is a very fine and pointed toy. You can put it on different parts and figure out which part drives you wild more than the others.

00:06:43:12 - 00:06:45:23

Luna

Great. Damn love. Check out.

00:06:45:23 - 00:06:47:09

Ruan

That light.

00:06:47:09 - 00:06:47:20

Luna

Love.

00:06:47:20 - 00:06:51:07

Ruan

I tried the blue purple and black. I've tried.

00:06:51:09 - 00:06:59:10

Luna

Oh my god, there's different colors. This is so wonderful. Amazing. Okay, any of your thoughts on like, sexy sexiness in general, either specifically or conceptually?

00:06:59:12 - 00:07:10:15

Ruan

I love nature, so I guess that's why I like outdoor sex. The sounds, the feels, the smells, all of that is so sensual and sexy to me. Just, you know, the breeze.

00:07:10:17 - 00:07:17:19

Luna

Are you more like up against a rock or tree or do you, like, want a picnic blanket or like a camping tent situation? Like, do you care? What's your.

00:07:17:19 - 00:07:22:15

Ruan

Present? Yes, yes, all of the above.

00:07:22:17 - 00:07:27:18

Luna

I love okay, so what do you think counts as sex?

00:07:27:20 - 00:07:38:18

Ruan

It gets to me more. It's touching. Actual physical presence. I mean, I know you can do things, you know, with your brain, but to me, actual sex is touching. You have to be touching each other.

00:07:39:00 - 00:07:54:23

Luna

And can you tell us now? Like, what does your sex related work life look like at this moment? We heard about it a little bit in the introduction, but give us some details. Let us know if you identify as a sex worker and just take us through your like day to day, week to week, month to month, whatever feels most like relevant and exciting to you.

00:07:55:01 - 00:08:17:21

Ruan

Well, I don't know that I necessarily do identify as a sex worker because I'm never naked anywhere that people can see publicly. I consider myself, I guess, more of a writer, an author, a content creator, and a performer, which I know some people sometimes think of that as a sex worker, but I guess I really don't, because I really came in to all of this writing erotica as a writer, which is still my base.

00:08:18:02 - 00:08:40:17

Ruan

So I did not expect to be doing audio books or the podcast. And so for me, I still feel that based as a writer and erotic writer and just a writer in general, because I've written my entire life and I write under my real name as well as ruin while I was. So writing is my base. I mean, I know some people say that that kind of stuff does cross over into the sex worker, but I don't necessarily feel like I identify as one, you know?

00:08:40:17 - 00:08:48:07

Ruan

I mean, I guess I do create scenarios and sounds and things for people to enjoy. So in that way, I sort of embody fun.

00:08:48:09 - 00:09:06:22

Luna

Fun. I love that. I also just like love, you know, in the same way that some people are like, I'm a penis owner and I'll suck a cock, but I'm straight. You know, maybe just a hint of hetero flexibility. I love that we can all kind of like, do similar things, but I think it's totally valid that our reasoning and sense of identity behind it are different.

00:09:06:22 - 00:09:21:20

Luna

You know, I'm still kind of like figuring that out for myself. A lot of the stuff that I do is pretty sex work. So I've just started to like, explore owning that identity more. And the parts, you know, it's really funny, the places I notice that I do feel like a sex worker and the places that I don't, even though it's like a fucking who will be people we met.

00:09:21:20 - 00:09:37:00

Luna

So thank you for that thoughtful, thoughtful answer. Okay, so you tell us details though, of like your writing, your writing process and like how you got into erotic writing and just work as a writer in general. Obviously, I'm assuming you're kind of like me. You're a reader, maybe.

00:09:37:02 - 00:09:52:16

Ruan

Oh my gosh. Yes. And, you know, especially when I was a child, I would like, read a book in a weekend, like I was always reading. I drove my sister crazy because she's like, come play a game. And I'm like, no, I'm reading a book. And so I always like to read The Little Junky Teenage Romance novels, you know, like, those are all my.

00:09:52:17 - 00:10:17:19

Ruan

I just devour those all over. I just, I consumed them, I had when I moved out, I had boxes of these books, you know, I don't even know where they are now. I probably got rid of them. But I started out writing romance and in about 2019 is when I started my Twitter account, and I really wanted to add sex into the romance because I felt like, and I still feel this way, that romance and relationships have sex in them.

00:10:17:19 - 00:10:32:12

Ruan

They have fucking in them. So to not have that there, I feel like it's not a full picture of the romance or the story. So I wanted to have the sex in there. I wanted the fucking, I wanted to see what are they going to do in the bedroom? I don't want the door shut and be like, sorry, you don't get to know this part.

00:10:32:17 - 00:10:53:23

Ruan

Oh no, no, no. So I wanted to have that in there. So in about 2019 I started my Twitter and that was my first foray into writing anything erotica. And it's just grown from there into I got a website, the podcast books and audiobooks. And when I first started out, I was just going to write erotica. I get inspiration all different ways, like things just pop in my head.

00:10:53:23 - 00:11:02:21

Ruan

I'm one of those people that I never have writer's block. I never have an idea to not write about it. Too many, you know, I had too many. Your fantasy.

00:11:02:21 - 00:11:04:00

Luna

Machina.

00:11:04:01 - 00:11:24:09

Ruan

I got a big list of things I'm trying to get through, and I've done different things. Let's see, sometimes I've started with the characters. Sometimes I've started with the scene or the sex act. Right now I'm doing something very different that I've never done before in the book I'm writing right now. I'm not writing it chronologically, and I'm sharing parts of it through my podcast in through mediums.

00:11:24:09 - 00:11:44:17

Ruan

So I'm sharing pieces of it before it's even, like done. Yeah. And so I'm taking people along the ride as I'm writing this book, and I've never done it before. It's really interesting and exciting and I'm getting ideas from people more. I don't know, it's just a fun process. So I've done all different things. I guess I'm not just a one track person.

00:11:44:18 - 00:12:01:15

Luna

Okay? And so are you. Do you have a favorite time of day to write? Is there overlap with your self-pleasure in the writing process for you? And like, are you inspired by your audience or are you like writing per your own desires? Like how do you kind of like make those choices?

00:12:01:17 - 00:12:24:16

Ruan

I definitely use my own desires and fantasies, but I also love to pull in things like recently I just asked on Twitter people to tell me sometimes I'll do polls on Twitter, and I ask people to tell me things about, you know, I was writing a blowjob scene, so I was asking people to tell me stuff about that, and people DM'd me and I actually pulled pieces of their stories and put it into my book.

00:12:24:18 - 00:12:41:00

Ruan

Sometimes I have had to stop writing to pleasure myself. That has definitely happened to me before. I like to write in the morning. Morning is best for me when my head isn't clouded with everything else that I have to do. So for me, I really tend to write early in the mornings before anything else is bombarding me.

00:12:41:06 - 00:13:03:05

Luna

Beautiful. So one thing I have been actually asking people about in the world a lot lately that you just hit upon, is the idea of romance. Through talking to hundreds of people very deeply about their sex lives and now being a person that oftentimes will, like, hear a relational situation and observe the patterns and that's how I kind of like help my coaching clients.

00:13:03:07 - 00:13:19:12

Luna

I'm sort of in this place where I'm like, okay, I maybe don't have the social brain that most people have, or certainly not that people project on me when they look at me like they think I'm popular, kid. And I don't know what's happening. I don't understand romance. Can you explain it to me? What is romantic to you?

00:13:19:14 - 00:13:30:18

Ruan

To me, romance is paying attention to each other. I mean, romance can be even something as simple as caring for the other person, doing something for them outside the bedroom. You know what I mean? Like.

00:13:30:20 - 00:13:39:00

Luna

Is it romantic because you're leading up to the bedroom? Like, does romance exist without. Well, no. I guess there's lots of ways people are.

00:13:39:02 - 00:14:01:19

Ruan

One thing, the where I'm going with this. I recently interviewed someone who is sex expert and romance expert relationship expert, and she said everything you do outside of the bedroom is foreplay for the bedroom. And I really liked that sentence. It really makes sense to me. You know, if you're not paying attention to your partner's needs or doing things for them outside the bedroom, they're going to feel like crap.

00:14:01:19 - 00:14:14:11

Ruan

Like, say you have dishes all over your counter. You're overwhelmed by that. But if your partner helps you take care of that, that's already foreplay, because you're both getting ready to have a clear mind to go and play.

00:14:14:11 - 00:14:30:10

Luna

Totally. Do you think there is a difference between that sort of real life romance and maybe like the romance that we put into a romance novel, proceed. Or is that something that you are finding is like a genre trend, like more realistic kind of scenarios?

00:14:30:12 - 00:14:49:22

Ruan

I definitely buck the usual romance tropes. Like, I know there's a specific way to write a romance story, and I always say, fuck you to that because I'm going to do my own thing, you know what I mean? Like, I don't want to fit into a formula. For instance, some people do romance books, okay? So they meet each other, they fall apart, they come back together, they fall apart.

00:14:49:22 - 00:15:08:21

Ruan

They piss each other off. It takes them forever to get together. And maybe the end of the story. They finally kiss. The end of the book. They finally kissed. And that's it. No, I don't like a book that's a full long tease. I want to see some meaty stuff in the middle. Not this back and forth where you're I hate you, I love you, I hate you, I love you.

00:15:09:03 - 00:15:26:01

Ruan

Okay, finally, we're going to get together and kiss. Like, to me, that just falls short. And it's not exciting and I don't want it. So I would rather see them like, you know, having lots of sex in the book, you know, instead of waiting until the end to be like, okay, finally, we like each other. Let's kiss black.

00:15:26:03 - 00:15:34:14

Luna

So you are including romance, but building in the physical element of the relationship throughout the entire stories. What I'm hearing, I think.

00:15:34:16 - 00:15:36:18

Ruan

Yes, I definitely do that.

00:15:36:20 - 00:15:42:12

Luna

That's amazing. Okay, what would you say is your like favorite part about your work right now?

00:15:42:14 - 00:15:49:18

Ruan

I really like writing. I love to make audiobooks, but it's very arduous. You know, editing audio is very arduous.

00:15:49:18 - 00:15:51:20

Luna

So we know it.

00:15:51:22 - 00:16:09:18

Ruan

You know? So I like creating an audiobook once it's done. But I really like to write. That's the thing I really love to do. I really like acting. I like the narration, but the actual editing is is painful. So when I create an audiobook, I write it, I narrate it, I edit it, so I do all pieces.

00:16:09:21 - 00:16:14:04

Luna

Okay. And so you're narrating primarily your own writing.

00:16:14:06 - 00:16:18:20

Ruan

I have a good mix, I guess I've narrated for 5 or 6 authors beside myself.

00:16:18:22 - 00:16:22:02

Luna

How do you manage your time? That seems like a lot of stuff.

00:16:22:04 - 00:16:37:05

Ruan

Well, I'm kind of hyper and I'm very determined. I'm a workaholic. I work a lot, and so I have published a lot of books in a short amount of time, audiobooks and written books. So I'm just kind of tireless. I'm going like, fire, baby.

00:16:37:06 - 00:16:50:07

Luna

Okay. Have you ever gotten any funny or interesting reactions when you tell people what you do? Or how out are you aware with whom? So we know there's a ruined Willow like you have fans who talk to the ruin. What's that like for you?

00:16:50:09 - 00:17:05:13

Ruan

Not very many people know I'm ruined. Willow, who really know who I am. So people either know me as my real name or is ruined. Willow. There's a handful of people that know me as both, but it isn't very many. And usually when I tell people they ask me what I'm doing, I say I write under a pen name.

00:17:05:13 - 00:17:14:12

Ruan

I might say it's, you know, spicy romance, but I'm not at the point where I'm really saying, hey, this is me, this is my pen name. This is what I'm writing. I've told a few people, but not many.

00:17:14:13 - 00:17:24:05

Luna

Okay, what about the people who know you as ruined? Like, do you interact with them? Do you hear from the people who are your readers or audience? Very often. Like what kinds of reactions do you get from them?

00:17:24:07 - 00:17:40:18

Ruan

Well, they love both sides of me, which makes me think sometimes I should be out on both sides and just, you know, be me and wide. But they love both sides of me. And I just like positive reactions. Especially people who know both sides of me. Very, very, very positive reactions.

00:17:40:19 - 00:17:46:11

Luna

Okay, what would you say makes you excellent at what you do?

00:17:46:13 - 00:18:09:07

Ruan

I would say for a writer, I'm very, very open minded and I write things that probably people who know me as my real name would be shocked. No, not probably they would be. They would be quite shocked. What I've written and I'm not done yet. I have a lot more places to go and for narration, same thing. Like I've narrated things that have been so fun.

00:18:09:07 - 00:18:39:04

Ruan

I love to play like the naughty girl. The naughty character like that is so much fun to play. One of the books I did that was really fun was where a girl she's hurting for money and it's written by B was the short story, and so she's hurting for money and she really needs money. So she is accepting this offer to meet people in a house, and she doesn't get to see anything or know anything, and she has to be videoed while she's having sex.

00:18:39:06 - 00:18:58:23

Ruan

She has to like meet certain criteria and so she just goes in this house and she gets fucked and she ends up loving it. And so it's all about her journey and her experience where she was, you know, scared to the point where when she's having sex, she's orgasming and she can't believe it. And it's amazing. And it was so fun to narrate that part because it's so taboo.

00:18:59:03 - 00:19:22:06

Ruan

You know, the whole goal of the video is it's going to be put online and people are going to see it. They're going to see her face. That was part of the thing. They have to see her face, no name attached. So it was really fun to act that out and be that character. And do such a thing, because that's a taboo thing to do, to have yourself openly having sex online and people see your face and see her reactions.

00:19:22:06 - 00:19:23:14

Ruan

It was just really fun.

00:19:23:16 - 00:19:32:12

Luna

Yeah, taboo is another thing I'm still trying to figure out along with romance. Okay, what would you say are the sexiest and least sexy parts of your work?

00:19:32:13 - 00:19:52:20

Ruan

Oh the least. Sexy is definitely editing audio because that's, as we said, is very painstaking. The sexiest part is probably writing the stories and the narration, because it's so fun to act out the parts. I really enjoy doing that, especially when it's something that I probably would never be able to do in my life. You know, like that whole video thing.

00:19:53:00 - 00:20:12:08

Ruan

I don't know, I've just done a lot of different things. I also narrate for Amber Collins, which is really fun. She writes a lot of size erotica where people are growing and shrinking and they're having sex. You know, things like someone shrinks down and becomes a human dildo, someone becomes a goddess and a giantess. Like, it's really fun.

00:20:12:10 - 00:20:25:23

Ruan

She writes all these amazing things. They're like fantasy, sci fi, erotica. And so I have a lot of fun narrating her stuff. I've done quite a bit of her stuff, so that never ceases to be not fun. It's always awesome. Amazing.

00:20:26:01 - 00:20:33:21

Luna

What have you noticed or learned about sex related shame, either in your audience or just from people you're encountering through your work?

00:20:33:23 - 00:21:01:15

Ruan

I see a lot of shame. Like I have a lot of people interact with me, especially on Twitter, and they're talking about shame or shame from their partners. And it's really sad because I feel like it's really prevalent. Shame is really prevalent in our country because we're so prudish. You know, it's we got the whole Puritan background, and it depends on where you live in the country or like, I'm in the Midwest, where it's very, you know, it's not nearly as open as it is on each coast, you know, so it's very different here.

00:21:01:15 - 00:21:08:05

Ruan

It's more vanilla. If there are things it's, you know, hidden or not known, it's not out in the open.

00:21:08:07 - 00:21:28:19

Luna

And so you must experience, you know, because you're, you're talking to people on Twitter and in these online spaces and existing in this other sphere. Do you ever get feedback from internet humans about the content of your work specifically? Like, sometimes I'll get people who are like, actually, very frequently I get people who are writing to me about my own kink and they're like, how dare you use the word master?

00:21:28:20 - 00:21:43:02

Luna

And I'm like, whoa, educate yourself about kink. It's like I have a master slave situation. Like, not anymore, but like, that's my kink. Do you ever get feedback like that? That kind of like reflects other people's, just like where they're at in their education or shame leanings.

00:21:43:04 - 00:22:04:06

Ruan

I have, but for the most part, most people like what I'm doing. I haven't run into too many people as far as the topics of my books. But yeah, I can only imagine what you're saying. People don't like that term, but you know, terms are subjective. So for us to judge like that, I just I have an issue with people that judge I don't like.

00:22:04:11 - 00:22:08:19

Luna

You're not getting that. I love that you're just mostly run with them. That's fucking awesome.

00:22:08:21 - 00:22:10:02

Ruan

So far.

00:22:10:04 - 00:22:12:21

Luna

Yeah I mean that's great though. Super great.

00:22:12:21 - 00:22:18:01

Ruan

But I do get people who have negative comments too. I mean, it's not like I don't get negative reviews or whatever. I still can.

00:22:18:01 - 00:22:37:07

Luna

Sure sure, sure. Yeah. Okay, so since you began this work, have you noticed any sex related trends in erotica, in the things that you're narrating or just even in the jobs that you're getting? Like, I'm always so curious about patterns and trends and things you might see or know about that I would never be aware of.

00:22:37:09 - 00:22:57:07

Ruan

Well, yeah, I mean, definitely this whole size erotica is macro, macro philia and micro philia. I had never even heard of that before I started narrating, and the only reason I found it is because Amber was putting out all these calls for narrators to narrate for her. So that's one that I definitely had no idea about. The first story I read of hers.

00:22:57:07 - 00:23:21:11

Ruan

I was just like, laughing hysterically because I'm like, people are growing big, they're getting small and they're having sex and they're becoming dildos, or they're becoming big and they can easily give a blowjob. It was just mind blowing. And so definitely that's one trend that I didn't know about. That is much bigger of a kink than I realized, because there's entire websites are devoted to this particular kink, this fetish.

00:23:21:12 - 00:23:40:09

Ruan

I had no idea like giant as city for instance, I narrated two books for really short books. But these two, they're lesbians and they're two. They grow big at a carnival. They're kind of demolishing the carnival, but they're also like kissing. And every time they're sexual, they get bigger. I mean, they get like, I don't know, 2 or 300ft thick, right?

00:23:40:09 - 00:23:48:13

Ruan

Cool. And then the next book, they go to parents. And so someone has paid them money to destroy Paris. So that part is a pretty destructive story.

00:23:48:18 - 00:23:52:16

Luna

I thought you were going to say they were going to fuck the Eiffel Tower. I was like, cool.

00:23:52:18 - 00:23:58:14

Ruan

They do. Okay, that's a total spoiler, but that's what they do in the end. That's their dildo.

00:23:58:14 - 00:24:03:23

Luna

Good. Okay. That's I mean, you got to write. That's that the missed opportunity of that. Oh my God I love it.

00:24:03:23 - 00:24:11:02

Ruan

I love actually oh wow. It's just crazy crazy stories. Her mind goes all over the place. It's amazing.

00:24:11:04 - 00:24:29:19

Luna

Wow okay, so in as much detail as you feel comfy, how has your work influenced or informed your own sex life? Obviously we heard a little bit about kind of like the day to day inspiration where it might inspire pleasure on a larger level. Is there stuff you've tried and stuff you've explored? Like what can you tell us about your personal details?

00:24:29:21 - 00:24:56:11

Ruan

What? Definitely it has made my sex choices explode, and it's definitely made me curious to try other things. And there aren't a whole lot of opportunities to do things where I live, not huge opportunities. So in real life, it's been a little harder to explore that particular to new things that I want to try. But at home in sex toys, I've just been able to just to way more than I ever have in my life.

00:24:56:11 - 00:25:13:05

Ruan

So that's been a wonderful journey and I just feel so bad when I hear women that don't want to try sex toys. I'm like, you don't know what you're missing. I know people who are actually scared of sex toys. They're like, literally scared of them. Like they think that they're going to hurt them or they're going to get lost or like, how can they get lost?

00:25:13:06 - 00:25:22:00

Ruan

You know, we're not like, infinite inside, you know what I mean? Like, it's it's not going to like go in there and be lost. And if it was you just go to the hospital and help you, right?

00:25:22:02 - 00:25:35:15

Luna

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and that's again where shame comes in, right? I know, I definitely know some, some doctors who have told shame ridden stories about all of the things they find in the E.R.. Damn, that just makes me want to have, like, pleasure practice for all available.

00:25:35:21 - 00:25:39:03

Ruan

I know, I know, so totally.

00:25:39:05 - 00:25:51:08

Luna

Can you guys know what the boundaries between your work life and personal life look like? Obviously, you have your persona split, but beyond that, like, how do you organize in your brain? Sexy self time, sexy work time?

00:25:51:10 - 00:26:07:04

Ruan

I do have to be careful. I mean, I obviously have in the two personas, I had to be careful because I do a lot of, well, not a lot under my real name. I do more under ruin right now than I do my real name, but I do have to be careful with that. But I don't know. I guess since I work from home, there doesn't really need to be a separation much.

00:26:07:04 - 00:26:20:12

Ruan

I just kind of do it when I want. If I feel like I want to go, get off, I go, get off. I'm not like rigid in my work schedule, which is really nice. So it's very, very flexible and I can do what I want when I want another.

00:26:20:13 - 00:26:26:14

Luna

So it sounds like your everyday life informs your work life and vice versa. Like, and you have a pretty fluid kind of like slot I love that.

00:26:26:15 - 00:26:29:09

Ruan

Yeah. Oh for sure. Very fluid.

00:26:29:11 - 00:26:36:14

Luna

Yeah. Are there any sex related norms in this world that you're aware of right now that you would like to shift?

00:26:36:16 - 00:26:41:12

Ruan

Yeah, I wish that people would not be so judgmental. I guess I have a big.

00:26:41:17 - 00:26:42:18

Luna

Issue with people who.

00:26:42:18 - 00:26:58:23

Ruan

Judge each other's kinks and fetishes, you know, like, why do we have to go there? You know, it doesn't have to be like that. It's you're not defined by your sex acts. You know what I mean? We are who we are. If you do a particular sex act, that doesn't mean you're that way. We're not defined by what we do.

00:26:59:04 - 00:27:17:21

Ruan

We're defined by who we are. And I guess that's a big thing for me. That bugs me because some people look at sex acts as defining of who someone is, and it isn't. I mean, one day you might enjoy watching gay porn, the next day you might like watching, I don't know, giant ass porn like we're just talking about.

00:27:17:21 - 00:27:24:07

Ruan

I mean, we're not defined by what we enjoy sexually. We're defined by who we are. And I guess that's one thing I'd like to bust.

00:27:24:09 - 00:27:43:11

Luna

I am thinking deeply about that because I'm sitting here being like, oh my God, can I even unwrap my own identity from how much I like sex? Especially for the past few years, I've just gone so deeply down the rabbit hole and I'm like, who am sex? I mean, because because I don't know. I don't know the answer.

00:27:43:12 - 00:28:00:02

Luna

And like, I don't know that I'm a being if I don't have my sexual identity. So that's a really layered nuance. But I also see what you're saying where it's like, just because I do this certain, just because I've maybe had someone pee in my mouth, doesn't mean that that's all there is to me. Certainly not.

00:28:00:04 - 00:28:01:01

Ruan

Exactly.

00:28:01:03 - 00:28:21:20

Luna

However, I would be curious to know. I mean, you don't have your identities connected. Presumably part of that is because it would then define you in a certain way. I certainly noticed that, like once I stepped more into these sex work things, it absolutely defines me. Like the people who know more details about everything that I do, it does.

00:28:21:20 - 00:28:28:05

Luna

So I hear what you're saying. There's a call for kind of that not broadening. So what do you think instead? What does define us?

00:28:28:07 - 00:28:45:19

Ruan

I just think whatever we want to do, like I think it's very fluid, like we were talking about earlier. Like, you don't have to say, I only like this one thing, you know? And I think that's too confining because I don't think there's anybody out there when you hear other people like, only do like missionary sex or something.

00:28:45:21 - 00:29:05:08

Ruan

Okay, maybe that's a form they're trying to fit into, but that doesn't apply to their entire fantasy life. I don't believe that for a second. You know? So they're like kind of denying themselves, doing all different things. But there might be stuck in a rut thinking this is the only thing we're allowed to do. Like, you know, I don't know, we need to be more open, I guess.

00:29:05:08 - 00:29:08:20

Ruan

I think we need to be more open about everybody and not judging.

00:29:08:22 - 00:29:14:18

Luna

And I think we got to support each other in that openness and help each other. We get all our pleasure needs met.

00:29:14:20 - 00:29:17:06

Ruan

Okay. Yeah, absolutely.

00:29:17:08 - 00:29:31:10

Luna

Okay. So if you could wave a magic wand and teach everyone everywhere something about sex, maybe sexual communication, maybe erotic literature, whatever you want, what would it be? What do you wish we could teach everyone?

00:29:31:12 - 00:29:59:03

Ruan

I wish we could teach everyone to realize that their bodies can give them massive amounts of pleasure. I often will get people who approach me on Twitter or something like, you know, my wife doesn't want to have sex anymore. What can I do? Like people will sometimes come to me for advice, even though I'm not a coach or anything, but, you know, like I'm this presence and I'm creating this content so people will sometimes ask me these things, and I wish that I feel really sad when I hear stories of people that maybe haven't climax or don't realize that they're climaxing.

00:29:59:03 - 00:30:08:19

Ruan

I don't understand what climaxing means, like they don't understand their body. So I wish people understood their bodies better so that they could realize how much pleasure they can actually have.

00:30:08:21 - 00:30:17:01

Luna

Yeah. In terms of hot work related sex stories to share, we haven't really actually talked about your podcast at all. Do you want to share about it?

00:30:17:03 - 00:30:46:18

Ruan

Sure. I love to create erotica. I really started the podcast for erotic fiction, but then I started to do some interviews and the interviews have just been so valuable to me because I really feel like I've taken classes in sexuality, talking to all these amazing experts, coaches, doctors, people who are a dominatrix. I mean, I have talked to so many different people that I feel like I've received an education on sexuality just through my interviews alone.

00:30:46:19 - 00:31:08:08

Ruan

And so it's so valuable to me personally and to be able to put that out there for people. I think erotica is a tool. Erotica is a tool for people to get off to enjoy their bodies, to maybe discuss different types of sexuality or different sexual acts, to introduce your partner, to explore, to get off or foreplay. So to me, erotica is a tool for sexuality.

00:31:08:08 - 00:31:28:16

Ruan

And so I love to provide that for people. I just love to create stories around it. So when I created the podcast, that was my thought was to create erotica. But then the interviews started coming and they've just been so valuable too. So right now I'm kind of in the pattern where I do an erotic fiction story on Tuesdays, and then I release an interview on Fridays.

00:31:28:20 - 00:31:29:16

Ruan

Let's.

00:31:29:18 - 00:31:44:08

Luna

Can I ask you one more like pretty nerdy word related question I love? Absolutely. Just getting it. Okay. What is your personal definition of like erotic versus sexy? What makes something erotic? What is the erotic?

00:31:44:10 - 00:32:07:18

Ruan

I think erotic is more personal than sexy. Like, sometimes sexy feels to me like what someone says, oh, you're sexy. Like someone from the outside sees. For me, the word erotica or erotic is more personal. Erotic or erotica is more personal to what you like. And sexy is, oh, you look sexy or oh, you're being sexy. It's more where someone is looking at you, perceiving you that way versus something that's erotic.

00:32:07:18 - 00:32:13:05

Ruan

It's more personal, and what you really want or see is sexy yourself.

00:32:13:07 - 00:32:44:06

Luna

What about like, what makes something erotic literature versus, say, like trashy smut? Is that just taste? Is that, you know what makes something pornographic? I was talking to my lawyer recently and I was like, sorry, I understand these definitions. What do you think he's like? Well, like gratification. Like, you know, because I'm like, I want to make sure that my erotic photography offerings are not getting me in trouble if I happen to have personal relations with a client, you know, like, I'm just, like, checking in on all the laws and he's talking about, you know, obviously exchange for money and actual, like, gratification.

00:32:44:06 - 00:33:11:08

Luna

And I was like, of course I would be gratified if there was sex. He was like, no, the other person. And I was like, what? You know, so I'm trying to figure out these like legal terms of what is obscenity. And again, we're not speaking legally here. This is just. Yeah, yeah. I just went down like a weird nerd rabbit hole because he was like, well, this month it's different than if it's educational content, because a lot of what I want to make is adult educational erotic content that is, you know, crossing off my personal bucket list items.

00:33:11:10 - 00:33:26:16

Luna

So, like, what do you think makes erotica like, I don't know, shall we be snooty about it? Like, there is a difference between, you know, it sounds like you really put work into what you do. And it's not just like vomit smut. You know, people can make sexy money on anything, right? So, like, I would love to hear your $0.02.

00:33:26:18 - 00:33:42:16

Ruan

Well, first of all, I think that's silly. You can't control what another person is going to do on the other side of your content. That's like silly. But I do think there's different levels of erotica. Like, for me, I see a difference between there's erotic romance, which has more of a storyline and more romance, and there's erotica that may have a little bit less.

00:33:42:18 - 00:34:00:07

Ruan

And then there's smut, who might just be sex acts. You may have a little bit of a story, but the story is less important than the actual sex act. So it depends on where you fall along that. But I still don't feel like I don't know your, let's say, your lawyers trying to figure out where you lie in that and is it okay.

00:34:00:09 - 00:34:14:06

Ruan

I think it's so, so individual and so subjective. I don't know how you even to find that. I mean, how does somebody say they don't get off from erotic romance or even regular romance, but they do offer smut. It's like personal. So how do you define such a thing?

00:34:14:08 - 00:34:30:13

Luna

So that's separate from the legal question. I'm just going into the word of like, what do you think counts as erotic, you know, and kind of pointing out how silly the words are and how arbitrary there are because they are because, you know, my lawyer was just telling me he's like, look, these are the risks. And you don't you'll never know.

00:34:30:15 - 00:34:48:03

Luna

It just depends on who's on the other end. But like, yeah, but that's but that's why I'm always curious about like, your personal expertise. So keeping it in the realm of just like, what makes it erotic for you. And is there a certain, you know, value judgment on type of work or crassness or where it's published or how it shows up?

00:34:48:05 - 00:34:52:20

Luna

You know, because that matters to a lot of people in ways that I'm learning that I never was aware of before.

00:34:52:22 - 00:34:57:09

Ruan

It does. And I think word usage is an issue, like some writers will never use the word cunt.

00:34:57:11 - 00:34:59:07

Luna

Can I ask how you feel about that word?

00:34:59:09 - 00:35:13:06

Ruan

I am totally fine with that word. I am not scared of any fucking words, but I think it's interesting how some and I've seen this a lot with women like you might be writing a story if you use the word cunt, they're immediately turned off, but they're okay with pussy.

00:35:13:08 - 00:35:14:18

Luna

And some people are opposite.

00:35:14:20 - 00:35:26:20

Ruan

Right? So it's so interesting. I think it's just so subjective. You know, there's you have to write what you're going to write because you're never going to please everybody. It's never going to happen. So if you want to use the word can't use the word cunt.

00:35:26:22 - 00:35:41:19

Luna

Yeah, yeah. My favorite way to make sure that I'm pleasing someone specifically with my erotic writing is for them to hire me for a bespoke piece, and then I'll find out their favorite words and I'll find out their fantasy, and I'll make that dream come true.

00:35:41:21 - 00:35:43:23

Ruan

Right? Exactly. That's fantastic.

00:35:44:01 - 00:35:47:04

Luna

If that's something that people can hire you to do as well.

00:35:47:16 - 00:36:08:14

Ruan

Yep. I have done commission stories and I do enjoy doing that. Yeah. And a few of them, I've actually turned into podcast episodes where I know isn't that fun. And the person just absolutely loved that. You know first there was the story and then it turned into a podcast. So they can listen to me, read it and listen to me narrate it and do it over and over and over again.

00:36:08:14 - 00:36:10:21

Ruan

And it was their fantasy like, that's fantastic.

00:36:11:00 - 00:36:24:13

Luna

That's so hot. That's what a lot of fucking give the literal fucking yeah keeps on giving. Okay. So here's another question for you though. Do you still have time to read erotic fiction at all?

00:36:24:15 - 00:36:43:11

Ruan

I do try to. And one thing that actually forces me to do it, which I absolutely love, is my friend is she started an erotic publication on medium wild erotic cravings. She asked me to be an editor, so it actually forces me because she takes half the week and I take the other half, and we have to read the submissions and decide if we're going to publish some or not.

00:36:43:11 - 00:37:01:01

Ruan

So it forces me to read erotica, but I have way too many erotic books on my phone. On Kindle, I probably have like 50. I have like way too many that I'm never going to get you, but I want to read them all, you know? So it's a challenge. And then I have a bunch of audiobooks too, because people see the thing with a podcast, you'll find people to be like, oh, you should read this book.

00:37:01:01 - 00:37:05:11

Ruan

Oh, you should listen to this audiobook. So I have this, like, growing list. Right. And we need you to.

00:37:05:11 - 00:37:26:18

Luna

Oh, absolutely. But I'm I'm open to I actually have not delved too much into erotic fan here and there. When people send me stuff, I'll listen to it. And then if they don't give me a recommendation, I usually go the informational route. Like I've been just reading every sex book available, but not necessarily, you know, narrative fiction. So I am open to your favorites and damn.

00:37:27:00 - 00:37:32:20

Luna

Okay, so tell us if there are any other hot work related sex stories that you want to share with us.

00:37:32:22 - 00:37:57:07

Ruan

The one story that I created, which is now also an audiobook and in my anthology is the Licking SIP Coffee Shop. And that story came directly from a fantasy of mine that I developed in my 20s personally. And so this story, I just I just added a new version of it. I hired the man who is your nightly desires and he's on Pornhub, and he creates all these amazing audios.

00:37:57:07 - 00:38:21:15

Ruan

And so I hired him to do the male parts, which is a very many in the, in the story. But I just released that and it was so much fun to do. And I have a few others that I want to develop into that type of a thing too. It was really fun. And my favorite review of that book was the person who reviews a lot of my stuff, and she got on the treadmill and she started reading that story, and she's like, I had to get off.

00:38:21:17 - 00:38:31:00

Ruan

I could not stay on the treadmill. I'm like, that's the best review I've ever heard. I love that. But she couldn't stay on the treadmill and read my story. I'm like, fuck yeah.

00:38:31:01 - 00:38:35:14

Luna

Amazing. Do you think she meant that literally? I had to get off.

00:38:35:16 - 00:38:42:22

Ruan

I don't know, it's a good question. I don't know, I, I took her as she had to get off the treadmill because she couldn't read it while working out.

00:38:43:00 - 00:38:46:05

Luna

I think she had to get off to go. Get off. It's going to be my best guess.

00:38:46:07 - 00:38:50:02

Ruan

I think that's probably accurate, which is fantastic.

00:38:50:04 - 00:39:09:03

Luna

Okay, speaking of fantastic things, I would like your help with this fantasy brainstorm. If you had an unlimited budget to build a sexy playroom or house or castle or whatever you want for yourself to represent your brand, what would it look like?

00:39:09:17 - 00:39:29:01

Ruan

I would definitely want lots of sex furniture. Like when I write a story. I sometimes have gone on Amazon and like dreamt about. And because there is sex furniture on Amazon, you know, like a sex wedding, a sex couch, I would love to have all different kinds of sex toys, sex chair in the room and definitely restrain.

00:39:29:01 - 00:39:46:20

Ruan

Its would be fun. I really like food play too. Like, that's really fun to me too. Obviously you couldn't. You not maybe have a little fridge in there like whipped cream and strawberries and chocolate sauce? You know, why doesn't anybody talk about that? Like, I've talked to people who have sex rooms and they don't have a fridge. Why don't you have a fridge and a fridge in there.

00:39:46:22 - 00:39:54:01

Luna

I love that, yeah. You got to have the the sensation plate temperature splashing like the different the heat.

00:39:54:03 - 00:40:07:02

Ruan

Yeah. The ice cube maker or ice cube tray in there you know. Yeah. Oh for sure I would try lots of things, but those would be like probably the highlights of might I really sexy thing I think is very sexy. It would be really fun to have in a sex room. Yeah.

00:40:07:04 - 00:40:14:23

Luna

But yeah. Ruined. Willow, thank you so much for being a guest on Sex Stories. Where is the best place for people to find you on the internet?

00:40:14:23 - 00:40:37:01

Ruan

Probably on my Linktree, which is where I have all of my links, most of my links, not all of them, but a lot of my links are in my Linktree. So you can go through and find where my books are. Audiobooks, where I have subscription sites and my social media, all that kind of stuff. So probably there or my website, Rumble author.com is a good place to awesome.

00:40:37:01 - 00:40:42:05

Luna

Again, all those links are in the description below. Ruined. Thank you so much for being a guest on Sex Stories.

00:40:42:07 - 00:40:44:10

Ruan

Thank you so much for having me. I had a lot of fun.