221 | Mommy Domme on the Phone: Mala Marquez on Woo
- Luna Robbie
- Jul 14, 2023
- 49 min read
Mala Marquez is a professional MILF and forever hot girl who is based in the Bay Area and works as an independent Mommy Domme, phone sex operator and sensual movement dance teacher.
🔗 MALA LINKS | The Siren Sciences Patreon / @mala_y_milagrosa
00:00:00:09 - 00:00:12:16
Luna
Our guest today is a professional mILF and forever hot girl who is based in the Bay area. She works as a mommy on phone, sex operator and sensual movement dance teacher. Welcome, Marlon Marquez.
00:00:12:18 - 00:00:15:19
Mala
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
00:00:15:21 - 00:00:28:02
Luna
I am really so excited to have you and I'm glad you feel touched. Even though we are so far away. I'm looking forward to the day where we share physical 3D space. I'm just going to put that out there. Is that? Me too, I don't know.
00:00:28:04 - 00:00:30:06
Mala
Maybe later.
00:00:30:08 - 00:00:51:14
Luna
Yeah. For our sweet listeners. I have been learning so much through Marla's Patreon, the Siren Sciences. So in my work explorations, I have been. Well, yeah. How would you describe it? I don't know, I'm just, like, gaining so much wisdom and knowledge from your lived experience, which we're going to hear about today. But what inspired you to start that Patreon?
00:00:51:14 - 00:00:53:02
Luna
You want to just tell us a little bit?
00:00:53:04 - 00:01:26:20
Mala
Well, I've been a sex worker for 15 years. It's pretty much been my career as an adult in different realms. And so I think after 15 years, I finally got brave enough to talk, and I realized that I was just embarrassing myself on my Instagram stories all the time, just like stuff would spill out of my mouth. And then I would have like a vulnerability hangover and be like, maybe my cousin saw this, but I was like, there was something that needed to express out of me was around my special interests, which are sex, work, magic, and being in the frequency of beauty forever and ever.
00:01:26:21 - 00:01:44:11
Mala
Like, those are the things that I could, that I could think about forever. And so I was like, let me just put this behind a paywall. So I'm not like, nonconsensual spamming people. And so I can be really honest about the stuff that comes up around sex work that I maybe don't want everybody to hear or know about.
00:01:44:17 - 00:01:46:04
Mala
So. So that was it.
00:01:46:06 - 00:02:07:19
Luna
I love that. Well, I am learning so much. I'm feeling so inspired and thinking about beauty a lot more because of you. I'm a Taurus sun, so naturally I'm like, of course it has to be beautiful, beautiful, comfortable, delicious, sensual, duh. But I, for that reason, don't necessarily think about actively creating it beyond to the assumption of that makes sense.
00:02:07:19 - 00:02:29:22
Luna
And so having you in my sphere and in my ear not only is very inspiring in terms of sharing openly and has caused me to think a lot more about like, am I going to share more of my Hauraki explorations on Patreon soon? Probably, you know, so thank you for that. Start off for us by letting us know if you had to rate yourself today on a sexual shame, a meter with ten being the most full of shame and one being basically shameless.
00:02:29:22 - 00:02:34:23
Luna
Where do you fall today, right now? And does it change context to context for you?
00:02:35:01 - 00:02:55:20
Mala
Oh my God, it's so contextual and it changes probably with my cycle I would imagine, you know, like I feel like a different person every day. But at first it was like eight. And as I sit with the question more and more and more in my core self, and maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I would say five like solid mid.
00:02:55:22 - 00:03:21:07
Mala
Okay, I'm mid when it comes to shame, but I think that's because I'm hyper aware of the undeveloped parts and I'm taking for granted how much sex work has brought me from, like the place I was. You know, because I don't know if this happens for you, but like, the more you're in it, the more you're there and you're like, oh, just another level of like, now I can go deeper into core shame, you know?
00:03:21:09 - 00:03:31:06
Mala
But I can be very present in sex, and I can even be present when things happen, you know, when things that would normally undo me happen. Sorry, that's not a linear answer. Is that.
00:03:31:08 - 00:03:50:18
Luna
Nothing? Nothing about sex? In my five years of anecdotal research, nothing is linear. And I've sort of have been having a little identity crisis lately because I think we are constantly shifting if we're growing. And so I welcome all of it. But I just finished this book called Shakespeare and Sex, and I can't remember the author's last name right now.
00:03:50:18 - 00:04:04:11
Luna
First name is Gillian. It kind of undid me a little bit because I was like, oh damn, oh my God, my privilege. Oh wow. She's so full of shame in these ways. Oh man, maybe I'm not shameful enough. I don't understand shame. I have to talk to even more people. I've been talking to people for five years, and the more that I learned, the less I know.
00:04:04:12 - 00:04:23:01
Luna
Fuck you know, I'm never going to get laid again. Like that comes up for me so often. It's not linear. There's no one. There's no one right answer about sex. There's no one right answer about anything. And I've also noticed that my shame comes up in these really funny, weird ways because I go through these things where my chips are not really a thing for me.
00:04:23:03 - 00:04:42:00
Luna
Well, then why is so fucking hard for me to be like, hey, I would like to get fucked in your secret gun room, but could you, like, blindfold me and maybe, like, drag me there and gag me? I don't know, you know, like, I don't know, but that's suddenly hard to ask out loud about. But I could put it on a list and then feel, I don't know, it's vulnerability related to shame.
00:04:42:00 - 00:05:00:11
Luna
Or is it the fear of shame, or is it juicy? I'm also trying to understand taboo and trying to understand if people can enjoy taboo without experiencing shame. So, you know, I'm always just looking for the overviews of shame snippets in general. Do you notice if your shame goes up or down if you're working with a client?
00:05:00:12 - 00:05:22:19
Mala
Oh, if I'm working with a client. I mean, for me, the magic has been because I think I was like brewed in the source of sexual shame, like in utero and then in childhood and then in teen hood, like, touched by these, like, big, objectively harmful, like sexualizing energies, you know, and then sex work allowed me the safety.
00:05:22:19 - 00:05:49:08
Mala
And this isn't to paint a beautiful picture on sex work, but for me, I know my soul was like, go into this so you can create the boundaries you need to, like anthropologically study sex and then you can bring that knowledge back to your core self, you know? So with a client, I almost never feel shame. Like the most that I will internalize is like, maybe he didn't think I was pretty enough.
00:05:49:08 - 00:06:10:00
Mala
Like there's that. Maybe I feel like that's where my shame might come out. Or just like self-worth stuff, because I feel like it's my professional duty to like, hold safe containers for something, you know? And even when we're playing with shame, even when the narrative is like, you're bad, you're wrong, you're flawed, you're flawed in this way that will never heal.
00:06:10:00 - 00:06:18:11
Mala
And if that's like the narrative, that's still just a performance of like playing with shame. I try to keep really, really safe containers, you know.
00:06:18:12 - 00:06:38:06
Luna
Do you identify as a permeable feelings person? Because I know sometimes other people's emotions will rub off on me. And I've been learning about shame through like being like, there was tension in the voice. And then the person got mad at me and did it. Like, do you ever feel other people's shame rub off on you? Especially if someone you're working with has that come up?
00:06:38:06 - 00:06:39:04
Luna
I don't feel.
00:06:39:06 - 00:06:56:00
Mala
It'll come up, but I think only recently have I been like, this is not helpful. It's not helpful for me to look to the clients for any reflection of how I should feel about myself. And so it's almost a practice, like I don't do that in my personal life. In my personal life, I'd be like, you were weird.
00:06:56:01 - 00:07:13:16
Mala
That was weird. Great. You know, I love that. But just for, like, self preservation in an industry, that can be many things. But one of the things that can be is like violent and objectifying and like, eat you up and spit you out. I'm like how you feel? Your process is separate from my own and I'm going to go home.
00:07:13:19 - 00:07:48:18
Mala
I might reflect on things I could do in the scene better, but I'm never going to reflect on like, was I worthy based on a client's reflection? Because it just seems like a program that doesn't work for me. But in personal life, I feel very, very porous so that that can be different. But it's situational. Like right now I'm in a monogamous relationship and I'm a mom, so I do a lot of things with my family, and I see my one lover and I go out salsa dancing, and then I'm with a harem of like, safe hot femmes that are loving and reflective and empathic.
00:07:48:19 - 00:07:59:06
Mala
I mean, you're one of them. Even like my like, ethereal harem. I'm just like, there's there's a lot of good vibes, you know? So I feel lucky in that way. It's just circumstantial in this moment.
00:08:00:02 - 00:08:08:01
Luna
Beautiful. Did you ever get a sex talk growing up, or have useful sex ed lessons or a lesson in consent?
00:08:08:03 - 00:08:31:17
Mala
No. Damn. I did. I was really interested in, like, the sex ed. I got in fifth grade, and I remember getting some in eighth grade. I'm sure if I like, looked back on it, there would be a lot that I would edit because the main thing I came out of there was like with the fear of HIV, that was like my main takeaway, pretty much my only takeaway was like, I might get this.
00:08:31:17 - 00:08:51:13
Mala
Like fear was probably my main failing in that. And no, I didn't really get a sex talk. I did grew up with a lot of sexual shame, but I didn't grow up in a household. I grew up in a fem household with my mom and my grandmother. We pretended that sex didn't exist, but I didn't have like, don't wear that vibe, you know?
00:08:51:15 - 00:08:56:19
Mala
But I was also pretty inhibited. I was pretty like, okay, you know.
00:08:56:21 - 00:09:01:03
Luna
Would you tell us now what is sexy to you?
00:09:01:05 - 00:09:31:02
Mala
So I'm working through this thing where I'm trying to touch in with my own sense of sexiness and a lot of that, as weird as this sounds. And I'm not sexualizing children, but, like, when I was a child, I had such a sense of who I wanted to be as a family. You know, I had such a sense and it was like bright and playful and full of life and also like a big smattering of Jessica Rabbit, like, huge, you know?
00:09:31:08 - 00:09:51:05
Mala
Oh, yeah. But there was something so uncorrupted about how I looked at that. And I see that in the way my daughter looks at me to where she'll come out. I, I've decided to start dressing up. So I like dressed to the nines. The other day I was in heels in this like, form fitting dress, and we were just like going to Trader Joe's.
00:09:51:05 - 00:10:02:14
Mala
And she was like, you look beautiful. And she's like, wait, wait, wait. I have something that's going to make your outfit incredible. And she came out with her bunny ears and she was like, put these on.
00:10:02:16 - 00:10:03:12
Luna
Oh.
00:10:03:14 - 00:10:27:06
Mala
Like her Easter bunny ears. Yeah. And I was like this because there's so much beauty and power and unapologetic ness. And also like, there was something about how she sees me and how I saw other fans. That is the core of what I think would be my sexiness and power. And it's something that I think in a reclamation process it's necessary for me.
00:10:27:08 - 00:10:47:06
Mala
I love men and I love the male gaze, and I perform for the male gaze, and I thrive under the male gaze. I love it, but for me, there's something about that that was untouched by objectification and the male gaze, but still was so in its sensuality that is really sexy to me. Also, taking my time is sexy.
00:10:47:06 - 00:11:12:18
Mala
Having the time to take my time unapologetically taking my time is sexy. I'm a chaotic being, so oftentimes I need a lot of time. But what's not sexy is when I shamed myself for needing a lot of time being Shattuck. So taking my time and is is sexy. Sleeping is sexy. I've always thought women who nap, yo, femmes who nap.
00:11:12:20 - 00:11:42:08
Mala
I'm like, that's the sexiest shit. She's taking a nap right now. Like, oh, wow, you know? And then like, satin and silk felines are sexy. And yeah, I think there's something just about, like, taking your time. And then with that, it's not individualized, because for me, the thing that I would need to take my time is a whole community of support that would help me with my kids that, you know, like even now my mom's with my youngest.
00:11:42:10 - 00:11:47:20
Mala
It ripples out into like what we need to have, like a pleasure centered, sexy lives.
00:11:47:22 - 00:12:12:17
Luna
It's so funny because when you were talking just now, I was getting visions of cats before you even. You know, when you said napping is sexy. I'm like, like a lioness, and I was. Now I'm noodling on. You're an Aquarius. And so, Leo, is your polarity. So of course you're going to look across. And I'd be curious to see what like Leo or a fifth House is in your chart, but that sort of like feline power of like, obviously I have to rest and recoup and I think it's such a good point.
00:12:12:17 - 00:12:30:05
Luna
And as I reflect on how many times I talk to people and they're like, I don't have time to get turned on, I don't have time for a sex life, and it's time to schedule with a partner, you know? And it's sort of like, oh, damn. Yeah. Like all these productivity narratives that we have in our society. So it's like we don't have time basically to feel sexy.
00:12:30:05 - 00:12:55:10
Luna
And so I love that answer because I, over the last few years, have given myself time and space to arrive somewhere 15 to 20 minutes early, which means leaving way earlier, you know, and just making sure that, like, I'm doing everything I can to stay out of panic mode because that's not sexy. And then I get stressed. And once the cortisol spikes, then it takes way larger effort to get back into a turned on like lifestyle.
00:12:55:10 - 00:13:03:18
Luna
So thank you for all those juicy reflections. Can you tell us now? What do you think counts as sex?
00:13:03:18 - 00:13:17:06
Mala
Oh that's funny, I probably have an unevolved version of this. It's probably informed by the fact that I'm a sex worker. So like what I do with my clients is not sex to me, but it's maybe sex to them.
00:13:17:06 - 00:13:22:05
Luna
Oh, this doesn't sound unevolved at all. This sounds specialized.
00:13:22:06 - 00:13:48:07
Mala
Well, because for me, like I'm performing, I'm doing a service role. It is sex. To be fair, I peg. So that's like the form of what actually might be. But it's very much sex to the people that are receiving it, right? Because it's not even me. It's a channeled entity that I'm embodying. It's not me performing the sex, and it's not something that has penetrate to my inner soul, even though it informs me, it informs how I see the world.
00:13:48:09 - 00:14:09:03
Mala
It's not like touching my soul. And for whatever reason, that's a distinction. That's helpful to me in this moment. But it might be touching my client, so I hope it is, you know, if that would be useful to them. So for me, the pegging I do with my clients is not sex. I don't have a lover right now, so probably if I was that would be sex.
00:14:09:06 - 00:14:10:06
Luna
But it's contextual.
00:14:10:11 - 00:14:30:02
Mala
Yeah it's contextual. So anything I do with my clients is not sex to me from having phone sex, even if I make them cum 4 or 5 times, like not even if on a rare occasion I cum not sex. None of it. So for me, sex is something that I have. It's either something I have with myself, even though I haven't actually named it as that.
00:14:30:02 - 00:14:38:21
Mala
I'm just like, oh, I'm touching myself. That feels good. But I guess that would qualify as sex. I couldn't make my masturbation more holy right now I'm like, I got five minutes.
00:14:39:05 - 00:14:40:19
Luna
Look, I am.
00:14:40:19 - 00:14:41:19
Mala
All for.
00:14:41:21 - 00:15:02:13
Luna
Holy, luxurious masturbation. I love solo quickies, I love them, I love them, and I will defend them. And anytime I'm like, around people and like, oh, well, we should we should do a better job. I'm like, two should on our sex lives. Like it's great and we can and you know, and maybe there's just that luxurious thing. Yeah.
00:15:02:15 - 00:15:06:13
Mala
I like that actually too, because if it's not broke, don't fix it. And I enjoy it.
00:15:06:15 - 00:15:19:11
Luna
And if I'm going to be in an extended editing session, I would rather have someone else be in charge of it. I don't want to have to like Dom myself to have a luxurious sexual time. Like I would rather edge in the waiting and then get off now, you know?
00:15:19:14 - 00:15:21:03
Mala
Yeah, I feel that.
00:15:21:05 - 00:15:25:11
Luna
Is there anything else to say about sex for you or how it shows up in your life?
00:15:25:13 - 00:15:50:18
Mala
So I think that sex, sex with a partner, sometimes when I'm salsa dancing, the energy I feel and the way I have to listen and the way I bodies communicate feels like sex to me. And when I was in the practice of giving a lot of lap dances, sometimes those would feel like sex. Like I felt like I did not go through a slut era because I was giving so many lap dances and I was just like, this is as good.
00:15:50:18 - 00:15:56:06
Mala
Like, let me just. Like it was good. I miss giving lap dances.
00:15:56:11 - 00:16:12:08
Luna
Oh my God I love it I love it okay. So now could you give us some details of what your sex work life is like. First do you identify as a sex worker. What do you actually do and what's kind of your origin story?
00:16:12:10 - 00:16:34:15
Mala
I do identify as a sex worker, proudly, although proudly to anybody. I think that it will nourish me to tell, you know, I'm not like I owe the general public the fact that I'm a sex worker, and I've learned the hard way that my kids friends, moms don't want to hear it because they think I'm going to steal their husband, which I'm not interested.
00:16:34:17 - 00:17:05:09
Mala
Dusty, musty husband. But I learned that one the hard way. So I identify as a sex worker. And then I also try not to make the distinction publicly if I'm Full-Service or not, because I feel like that's a way that you can really slip into respectability politics in sex work. And so if I feel comfortable telling anybody, I also, you know, don't feel like I need to make the distinction like, oh, but I'm a domme, you know, like I don't fuck them or whatever.
00:17:05:09 - 00:17:38:12
Mala
I'll say it for educational purposes, just for clarity, you know, but I won't like, necessarily make that distinction. And my origin story was I was like fairly young. I was working in the Bay Craigslist adult section still existed. R.I.P., and I was working at a nonprofit. I was canvasing, and I was I'd been working at a nonprofit for years, and like the nonprofit canvasser to like adult worker pipeline is a strong one, really, I think so.
00:17:38:12 - 00:17:56:21
Mala
And one day, you know, everybody was just such a big weirdo at that place. And one day, one of the founders came in with, like, these big dominatrix boots on. And I was like, ooh, like, tell me. And she was like, oh, yeah, there's this dungeon that I sometimes work at, and I wanted to know about it. I didn't know why, I wanted to know about it.
00:17:56:23 - 00:18:19:00
Mala
And at that time I was very not even like an embodied submissive. I was submissive because I had no other way to be. I was very sexually traumatized. I had had like sexually traumatic situations. I thought I was dying every time I had sex, like I was in like fight or flight bad. And two of my friends were like, you'd be a great Domme.
00:18:19:00 - 00:18:42:00
Mala
And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not a Dom. And they're like, that's why is because it would give you a chance to be something different than what you are. And so I started working at this dungeon as a soft domme. I did a lot of toy shows, but I also learned to, like, tie people that think kicking the balls and putting on them and stuff on them and spit on them and spank them.
00:18:42:00 - 00:19:06:03
Mala
And I learned this in this weird little dungeon that was in a house, you know, and Elsa Rito, and that was my origin story. And then I moved very quickly and very suddenly out of the bay, kind of against my will that it needed to happen. And I'd always wanted to be a stripper. So then I moved up to Northern California, where they were growing weed and there was no women anywhere.
00:19:06:03 - 00:19:12:06
Mala
And there was like this thriving economy. And I started working as a stripper for the longest.
00:19:12:12 - 00:19:14:09
Luna
Like a middle of nowhere stripper.
00:19:14:11 - 00:19:17:19
Mala
A middle of nowhere rural stripper, one power plant.
00:19:17:21 - 00:19:18:20
Luna
Okay.
00:19:18:22 - 00:19:42:13
Mala
And I was there for ten years. It was cool. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about movement. I learned a lot about performing sexiness. So I could get these muscle memories of what was sexy. So then if I ever felt like I needed to dissociate and be the little like calcified girl, that at least I could look like Jessica Rabbit when I was doing it.
00:19:42:15 - 00:20:04:08
Mala
Which isn't a full healing, but it was something that helped me feel safe. And then I got into phone sex because I had a kid and it was easy to do it at home. I started with one client and then I found the phone sex website more when I was pregnant with my second child and the pandemic came, I got really into phone sex.
00:20:04:08 - 00:20:20:07
Mala
And then I became, I went back to being an independent domme. So independent just means that you find your own clients, you book yourself, you get to charge way higher rates, you advertise on the sites that exist. So that's what I'm doing now is phone sex and independent dummy.
00:20:20:09 - 00:20:38:07
Luna
Oh my God, thank you for sharing all of that with us. I want to share a couple of reflections. First, I saw a post recently that Lola Davina made on Twitter that was like thinking a sex worker wants to steal your husband is like thinking your nanny is going to walk away with your kid like we want to give them back.
00:20:38:09 - 00:21:00:14
Luna
And also like, what about sharing? So I just thought that that resonated with me. I think that's so funny. The other thing that I wanted to just reflect is like, I think whether or not we're working in a sex work job, it's not always safe for us to be our fully healed selves. Like the way our world is.
00:21:00:15 - 00:21:20:13
Luna
It actually requires a lot of armor and I've noticed the more that I'm like, I am going to be my soft and squishy parts everywhere. We live in a society where people are like, haha, I see your underbelly. You know when they like rip it open and they just like want to eviscerate you. I think that there is value in consciously choosing when to put certain armors on or off.
00:21:20:13 - 00:21:45:13
Luna
And it sounds like you've been developing and what I know from your work is you've been developing this kind of like, badass, beautiful armor that has kept you safe and allowed you to, like, do all these incredible things. So I would love to hear before we get into like, more details of sex stuff, a little sex story. Can you share one that is either like emblematic of your work or something that you've encountered because of your work that you never would have experienced otherwise?
00:21:45:14 - 00:21:53:19
Luna
You know, it can be something that leads to the great feeling with a weird feeling, with a curious feeling. Just. I love hearing a specific story that maybe jumps to mind.
00:21:53:21 - 00:22:17:12
Mala
Oh, I can talk because I have a short term that I have great short term memory, hard long term memory. I can talk about something. Last night I saw a client I haven't seen for a couple of years. He's an erotic hypnosis client. So that's one of the things I specialize in is erotic hypnosis, which oftentimes is very voice heavy and not touch heavy at all.
00:22:17:14 - 00:22:40:22
Mala
And I see him in person. So that's kind of cool because I get to watch his body go limp. I've been seeing him for about two years and he's this, like, beautiful matriarch in his family. He's an elder, he's in his 60s and he's had some rough times. He thought he might have like a health scare, and he hasn't been able to come for a year, which has been really hard for him.
00:22:41:00 - 00:23:18:00
Mala
And yesterday we talked for the first hour before I hypnotized him, which is usually I put him right into hypnosis and he cried over his loss of his ability to orgasm and his not knowing what's happening with his body. He found out from his health scare that it's not cancer, which is great, but I think in the not knowing this, it makes it even scarier for him and just the quality of this space we shared and the way we were able to talk about everything about his family, about aging, about different capacities and what's happening, and then being able to lead him into hypnosis.
00:23:18:02 - 00:23:37:11
Mala
And he actually got hard for the first time in like months and months and months. And when he got soft, he would like, start to cry. And he was like in this, like, hypnotic state. And so just watching what his spirit wanted me to do in those moments of like holding space and not fixing, but just like witnessing and allowing.
00:23:37:11 - 00:23:58:19
Mala
And then I would watch magically his dick would start again and then it was just a very liminal, like, okay, this is happening now, this is happening now. This is happening. And he's so beautiful because he was able to touch in with, like, all the parts of himself, which is really like when that happens, when a client's able to go there, it's like, what a gift, you know.
00:23:58:21 - 00:24:22:14
Mala
And that was that, you know, like that was the session. And we ended and he said more how much he wishes he could come and he feels like he needs to come, but he can't come. And I just was able to hear that and absorb what that experience feels like. You know, it was something I left feeling so fat and nourished, you know, and just like, wow, that's cool.
00:24:22:16 - 00:24:28:17
Mala
That's one of the most recent ones that felt really nice and meaningful and beautiful.
00:24:28:17 - 00:24:36:01
Luna
Thank you for sharing that. Before I ask you the next question about your work, do you mind if I share a personal story that just really reminds me of what you just shared?
00:24:36:03 - 00:24:37:19
Mala
I would love that. Yeah.
00:24:37:21 - 00:25:00:23
Luna
So last I want to say, it was like October, November sometime last fall. I've had a lover who is in his 60s and it was a very like sweet, playful man. And he had lost his wife the previous year and we weren't looking for anything serious. You know, we were being explicitly casual. And he also was like, I probably can't fuck you like I don't know if I'm even going to want to play, like, I don't know how to feel.
00:25:00:23 - 00:25:16:23
Luna
I just want to, like, worship you. He was very obsessed with my legs and kind of feet. Not quite a foot. I still have this dream of going on a date with a foot worshiper, like to a place that has, like, white linens and then playing footsie underneath during dinner and like just finding the turn on, but TBD the someday on my bucket list.
00:25:16:23 - 00:25:33:23
Luna
It's going to happen. But this man, you know. So we were just chatting and we just we had a date like we didn't spend that long together, but we found a space where we could go have private time. And I was like, well, what if we just like, what if you just worship my legs and my feet and touch my body and make me feel good?
00:25:33:23 - 00:25:48:14
Luna
Then I'll play with you if you want to. And if it feels like too much pressure, you don't have to. And he was like, okay, but I'm not going to come home. I was like, fine, don't. I'm not worried about coming. I don't need to come. Like, it's not like, yes, I like orgasm. If that's all I'm paying attention to, then it's not fun for me.
00:25:48:16 - 00:26:10:12
Luna
I made him come for the first time since his wife died. And I know that it's not like our partners don't make us do anything. I facilitated that men's orgasm, and he was over the fucking moon. And I think it's just because we spent a long enough time and took away the pressure. And I created a space of permission and play so that no matter what happens.
00:26:10:12 - 00:26:27:11
Luna
And I, Suzanne, who I interviewed on this podcast, gave me the phrase I will choose your pleasure, not your orgasm. And when I say that to people, they fucking melt. And so that is just part of me that's like, yeah, we have these narratives in our society that like, it's so easy for men and all they got to do is come.
00:26:27:11 - 00:26:41:16
Luna
And I don't know, it's so much harder for women. It's like, no, like lots of penises are nervous and sensitive and anxious and we don't talk about that enough, in my opinion. Not that we need to talk about penis angst all the time. I'm not saying that. But like, I think it's beautiful that what you did with hypnosis.
00:26:41:16 - 00:26:48:14
Luna
I'm super curious about hypnosis, and I just want to celebrate Cox of all hardness and orgasm status.
00:26:48:16 - 00:26:52:08
Mala
Can you say the thing that you said again? Because I want to remember that.
00:26:52:10 - 00:27:13:23
Luna
I am here to chase your pleasure, not your orgasm. And then I add, in the course of chasing your pleasure, an orgasm may happen, and that's wonderful, but my focus is your pleasure and my pleasure. I want us to be here in the same time, in the same space with each other, co-creating pleasure. If we are doing that, the other stuff will work itself out.
00:27:14:00 - 00:27:29:01
Luna
And if in the time we spend together I don't come, you can sure as fuck. But I'm going to masturbate to it later, but I won't. If we have shut down closed energy that's of disconnection, you know what I mean? Whereas if I spend the whole time in person with a person getting teased, great. You know.
00:27:29:03 - 00:27:50:06
Mala
My nipples got harder when you were saying that. Because that's how I know things are true in my body. When you were saying, I want to like, go back and re listen to that three times, because the way you worded that was such an invitation, it reminds me a lot of queer sex actually is like way, way pleasure centered.
00:27:50:08 - 00:28:18:07
Mala
I mean, not I'm like doing sweeping generalizations, but my experience of the queer sex that I've had has been around just like way less of a linear trajectory of like, we do this, we do this, we do this, we get to orgasm. And I like, find this men who are maybe like experiencing prostate issues or maybe older or just like having orgasms that don't work the way they're used to them working like paradigm shifting more than anything after a them all the time.
00:28:18:07 - 00:28:23:14
Mala
Like I come with a lot of people who don't have dicks at all. Like I'll be satisfied in a multitude of ways.
00:28:23:18 - 00:28:46:14
Luna
Yeah. That's how I also feel whenever the conversation around size comes up, I'm like, well, I like pussies too. So it's like all sizes are good, you know? Okay, now I would like to invite you to share with us your favorite parts about your work. And it can be either what you specialize in or what you're just enjoying the most about your work right now.
00:28:46:16 - 00:29:08:18
Mala
I think of what I like about my work the most is that it feels like play. You know, I'm never trying to minimize the fact that sex work can be traumatic and that it can be hard and that there's hard things that come up, but hard things come up everywhere. Hard parts are part of life, and when it's at its best, I feel like I'm playing house, you know?
00:29:08:18 - 00:29:28:12
Mala
And I was great playing house when I was a kid. I was like, I could play the fuck out of some house, you know? And. And our house has got dark, too, like, I remember once being like a chain smoking, like pregnant mother when I was like, seven. Yeah. So I think that's one of the things I love about it is that it feels like play.
00:29:28:14 - 00:29:44:18
Mala
And you know, kink speaks to that. Role playing speaks to that. I like things, I have a big imagination, which is why everything I do feels like a magic spell, and I need it to feel like a magic spell, or else I'm gonna feel like I'm at the DMV, like I need it to. So that's one of the things I like about it.
00:29:44:18 - 00:30:10:23
Mala
The other thing I like is that it's a living wage. I'm a single mom of two kids, and my kids will not. No financial struggle because of this work. And it enables me to live outside of, nuclear family model, because I know that a lot of times how women get safety, financial safety is by marrying. And I've always felt really unsafe putting all my trust in one man.
00:30:11:01 - 00:30:28:21
Mala
So it's enabled me to, like financially thrive in a single parent household. Their dad is involved, so I'm not trying to minimize his contributions. So that's one thing I like about it. I like the freedom. I like that it turned me into an entrepreneur. Like, I can't imagine what having a real job would be like. And I like that.
00:30:28:21 - 00:30:53:06
Mala
It has enabled me to be really sexually free in a way that is boundary for me and has felt safe for me. Like, I feel like I would feel very out of my element if I was trying to get all the information my soul craves, and I just had to be myself. I have to be other people. It's my like dissociative trauma touched my mind to go about it in this way and play with people.
00:30:53:06 - 00:31:15:21
Mala
I'm often like, not maybe attracted to normally, but to find the things that we share, you know, beautiful. And then all of the orgasms, like if people are giving you there, come every day, like the magic you can do if people are nutting to your image like, My God, wow, I'm 93. I mean, look at me, I can go like that.
00:31:15:23 - 00:31:23:12
Luna
Okay, so now I would like to invite you to tell us what would you say makes you the most excellent at what you do?
00:31:23:14 - 00:31:49:12
Mala
Honestly, my ethics, as corny as that sounds, I'm not like a sadistic succubus, but I play one on Night Flirt and I'm pretty good at it, actually. People who meet me are like, I would never expect that. It's just a role, you know? And I'm a pretty good listener and receiver. And so a lot of the qualities that make me naturally submissive, I'm like an A tuner can be really helpful when you're pretending to be a Dom.
00:31:49:14 - 00:32:20:02
Mala
And so I think that that's one of the things is like creating impeccable spaces, impeccable like psychic spaces. I can be a little bit of a 3D mess. Like sometimes I'm like, where did I put that cock ring? Or like, sometimes I get a little tangled in my ropes. But in terms of like a psychic emotional space, the ability to like, attune and know what someone needs, especially if they've gone into like real depth, or especially if I've had to channel real cruelty and it helps move on like divine cruelty.
00:32:20:02 - 00:32:43:02
Mala
And I realize that the divine is sometimes cruel, like senselessly cruel. And if I can really hear in them the need to receive that cruelty and not as play, not as like you've been bad, but like you're a bad person, you know, or like you are bad at bats. Your dick is bad or it disgusts me. Like and really like go to those places.
00:32:43:04 - 00:33:02:06
Mala
Like being able to rein it back at the end. And even if it's just like a little touch of like you weren't bad in that session, that pleased me. You know, like, if there can be, like, a little touch of balance, like peppering in some balance, I think that makes me excellent at what I do for the people who I'm for.
00:33:02:11 - 00:33:07:07
Mala
You know, it's not for everyone. Oh, yeah. That's something I know I can offer.
00:33:07:09 - 00:33:17:02
Luna
Beautiful. Will you walk us through what a day in the life is like for you? Or day, week, month. Like whatever feels like the right amount of time for the container. That is your.
00:33:17:02 - 00:33:39:23
Mala
Work. An ideal day in the life. I don't work every day. I have financial goals that kind of like I try to achieve on a monthly level. And so if I am to reach that financial goal, usually I want to do like two in-person sessions if they're one hour each, or maybe one if if it's more hours and then like two days on the phone.
00:33:39:23 - 00:34:01:09
Mala
And for me, a day on the phone is like 4.5 hours. So if it's a day on the phone, I'm in my bedroom, my nanny's outside, she's with my daughter all day and it's like ten in the morning till two and I'm on night flirt. So that's like that website I use. And so I'm just taking calls and that's really fun because I can like lie down on the heating pad and take calls.
00:34:01:09 - 00:34:24:13
Mala
And I love that because I mostly talk to kink clients. And I learned so much about people's kink, and I just shoot the shit, you know? And it's so fun. Really easy, really low risk in terms of sex work, like very low risk. I highly suggest it to anybody if they want to develop their mouth piece too, because I wouldn't say I'm a talker, like I'm a quiet person in real life.
00:34:24:15 - 00:34:25:14
Luna
Really.
00:34:25:16 - 00:34:48:21
Mala
I know, right? You hear? She's like, I'm calling your bluff. My mom will always say that. I get overwhelmed by words. You know, I get like, overwhelmed by small talk. I think if it's my special interest, I could talk about it for a long time. But certain conversations will de-energized me. But if I'm like, this is my job for the next few hours, to have conversations doesn't de-energized me at all.
00:34:49:02 - 00:34:51:15
Mala
It feels great and fun. So that's like a week.
00:34:51:19 - 00:34:57:12
Luna
Go subscribe to The siren. Science is on Patreon if you want to hear the actual numbers and the actual methods.
00:34:57:14 - 00:35:03:23
Mala
Yes! Thank you. Thanks for the plug. Yeah, so that's a day or a week, I should say.
00:35:04:01 - 00:35:12:12
Luna
I fucking love that. Okay, tell us now what are the turn ons and turn off of your job for you. What are the sexiest and least sexy parts of your work?
00:35:12:14 - 00:35:36:06
Mala
The sexiest, getting dressed up, having a budget to be a fantasy girl in a fantasy world, putting myself together and having that time and then going into my sexiest dungeon and letting the transformation happen. The energy when it hits the vending arm of what turns me on and what turns the client on is a really fun bonus.
00:35:36:07 - 00:35:59:08
Mala
But most of it is, even if it's not turning me on, the performance of being that person turns me on. The performance of who I channel turns me on. The least sexy parts are like clients. Bodily fluids sometimes smells like body odor is like just intimate body things. I'm not shy or precious about it. I'll get into somebody's neck, you know?
00:35:59:08 - 00:36:17:20
Mala
I'll get into, like, even when I was lap dance, you know? I'll, like, get in and I'll inhale. And sometimes I'll be like, you know. Yeah, sometimes the things I receive are not, you know, I'll be like, that man has a cavity. I wish I didn't know that about him, you know. But I can smell his cavity and, you know, it is what it is.
00:36:17:22 - 00:36:39:04
Mala
So those are like the less sexy things that are just kind of a part of sex work. And then, you know, an unsexy part is fear. It's healthy to feel fear when you're meeting clients for the first time. It's healthy to go through the possibilities. I screen really well, but not everybody has the privilege of screening or the access to screening tools.
00:36:39:04 - 00:36:47:22
Mala
And I always am like, okay, what if this happens? How would I get out? You know, can I run in these shoes like those types of things? Those aren't sexy thoughts.
00:36:48:00 - 00:36:57:11
Luna
Totally. Thank you for all of that. I'd like to know now, how has your work influenced or informed your own sex life?
00:36:57:13 - 00:37:20:15
Mala
My work's been a gift in my sex life. I feel like, and a lot of ways, just because it's enabled me to go from like a shell of somebody. When I was 18 to somebody who I feel like is multi orgasmic, embodied, present. I feel like it's been like an upward trajectory of like the best sex of my life.
00:37:20:16 - 00:37:52:00
Mala
You know, it just keeps getting better and I don't know how I would get there. I'm sure there are other ways. I probably would have had to be in a lot of therapy and, you know, trudge through the dirt of my own shadow. But this has been a much more fun, sparkly way to get there. I seen my sex work as a fence, and because I most of my experiences in sex work were in safe containers at the dungeon, at a club with bouncers who had my back.
00:37:52:02 - 00:38:11:19
Mala
Only recently have I been independent, and most of my sex work had been doing things that I was consensually wanting to do, so there weren't a lot of no's in my body. I was able to, like, have experiences where I didn't have to be me, but I could still feel the experience of like someone breathing on my neck.
00:38:12:00 - 00:38:32:08
Mala
And because I had a good work ethic and I wanted to do good, it kept me motivated to like go through those and then re pattern a sense of safety. So somehow like that little calcified little girl became able to feel safe and to like, hold wider and wider margins with lovers where I could be like, oh, that feels good.
00:38:32:08 - 00:38:48:21
Mala
I can see how that feels pleasure. Because I learned the dungeon in in the strip club, you know, it's helped me a lot, and I think it's probably maybe presented its own challenges too. But overarching helped a bunch.
00:38:48:23 - 00:39:01:02
Luna
You spoke to this a little bit, but I wonder if there are any more details that want to be expressed. How do you understand the boundaries between your work and personal life, like conceptually?
00:39:01:04 - 00:39:24:00
Mala
Well, I think it helps that the work that I do is very different than what turns me on in my personal life. So at least right now there's no overlap in the acts. So that's like a great way to understand it for me. But I feel like there's ways of understanding the difference between work and personal life, even if it is the same thing.
00:39:24:05 - 00:39:52:05
Mala
So I'm not saying that's the only way, but for me, that really helps in what I'm doing right now. I remember when I was stripping heavily and that more like Venn diagrams with what was happening in my personal life. A therapist told me, like, you have to think of yourself as like your work self as a costume. You put in the closet when you go home and like, maybe you need a ritualized the drive home or the shower to like, take it off and allow yourself to be.
00:39:52:07 - 00:40:17:16
Mala
And I don't think I need to do that in quite the same way, but I think having names for all the parts really helps in being like using my in my dominatrix name and being like, oh, that was her. That wasn't you. That was her, you know? Yeah. So yeah, that's one of the ways for me. And then rituals Limpia is like even just salt scrubs and being like, okay, I'm going to take that person's orgasm off of me now.
00:40:17:16 - 00:40:20:17
Mala
It's like, thank you. You know.
00:40:20:19 - 00:40:28:05
Luna
Beautiful. Have you had to navigate enforcing or holding boundaries with clients?
00:40:28:06 - 00:40:55:12
Mala
Yes. And it's changed because I think when I was very young, clients would get that look in their eye like do no fault of their own. They were maybe like an older guy who wanted to have a crush on someone and they were having a crush on me, and they would come see me regularly. And when I was younger, like 20, I would get the ick, and it ended up in me having to like, block some of them because I was just like, woo!
00:40:55:12 - 00:41:15:22
Mala
Like, I do not have the range to be able to hold that, especially for someone who was twice my age. Now I can look at it and be like, I understand that impulse. Like they were having an experience and they were, you know, projecting it on to you and there wasn't anything inherently wrong about it. So that was how my way of enforcing boundaries back then was getting the ick and blocking.
00:41:16:00 - 00:41:47:15
Mala
I think I've become more elegant and had more choice in how I enforcement boundaries now, and a lot of what I'm talking about on Patreon is like practicing certain phrases in my mouth that expand possibilities like boundaries always come out clunky at first. As someone who experienced sexual abuse early on, they were clunky, you know, and now they get more and more refined where I can be like, even my client last night after all of that, he said, like, I would love one day to make you come with that be possible.
00:41:47:17 - 00:42:13:02
Mala
And I said, probably not, but that doesn't mean I love you less. And then he said it again in a different way. And I then said, probably not. But that doesn't mean I love you any less. And that felt right, you know, and maybe an old iteration of me would be like, that was like it would need a lot more processing the boundaries come up in different ways with different clients, and I think oftentimes it's so individual.
00:42:13:02 - 00:42:29:11
Mala
Right? Sometimes we don't even know we're having a boundary till we have it and we're like, oh, not only did I have a boundary, but I crossed a boundary of my own, you know? So I think it does happen in different ways. Sometimes my boundary is not taking a session. You know, if I know that it's just not fun in my body.
00:42:29:11 - 00:42:37:06
Mala
But sometimes my boundaries can be a lot more gentle. It kind of depends. But I think thinking about boundaries comes up every day probably.
00:42:37:12 - 00:43:04:21
Luna
I cannot wait to have an extended conversation about boundaries with you. I think it's in our future. I'd love to hear if you have any thoughts, ideas, learnings about zooming out social and cultural norms that you have discovered through your work that is either surprising and or that you would like to shift when it comes to sex. When it comes to commodified sex, when it comes to interacting around sex, like anywhere you want to take that.
00:43:04:21 - 00:43:16:01
Luna
I am a big erotic researcher like yourself, and it seems like you're a person who notices shit. So I'm really curious to hear about cultural and social norms for your eyes.
00:43:16:03 - 00:43:21:09
Mala
I love the word erotic researcher. I've never thought of that, but that's such a good word.
00:43:21:13 - 00:43:26:19
Luna
I don't call myself. I'm an anecdotal erotic researcher, artist, and pleasure activist.
00:43:26:21 - 00:43:49:12
Mala
I hear that in your work too. Like, I can see that. I'm like, oh, what? You must know. Okay, so there's so much, first of all, okay. The strip club is meant for performing cultural expectations of hotness. So people who are strippers, they are specifically dialoging with the spirit of a place and of what the place sees as desirable.
00:43:49:17 - 00:44:11:01
Mala
And then all the customers are performing for each other. They're not performing for their own, like sexual desires. They are performing. They want to get the baddest bitch that that place says is the baddest bitch, which is going to look different in Atlanta than it will in Portland. And so that's why stripping is such a specific muscle, because you are conforming.
00:44:11:01 - 00:44:29:01
Mala
And that's why it can make people crazy, is because you are conforming quite literally to a cultural standard versus a like erotic standard. And the person who is like making it rain on the baddest bitch might want the like hairiest bitch to pee on him, but he's never going to say that. So like, power is different than sexiness.
00:44:29:01 - 00:45:00:10
Mala
Like the strip club is about performing power and desirability, which is different than like, intimacy and sexual relation. The one thing I've learned from, like the phones and talking to men, is that, like cuckolding is just bisexuality, but oftentimes men don't like their bisexuality, comes with like a lens of shame. So that's why there are cuts. Because like, they're told that they're not to experience the pleasure of watching their woman get fucked by another man, which I can identify with.
00:45:00:10 - 00:45:19:16
Mala
Like I can like me, sometimes turns me on to think boyfriend fucking another girl. But I don't have the same. Like I'm not a woman. Like my pussy's not good, you know, maybe I will have a little bit of that, but it's like, not really. I'm able to just be like, that's fucking hot and not make it about like, my entire being ness as a man.
00:45:19:18 - 00:45:27:15
Mala
And I love cuts. I don't want cuts to change because they're like some of my favorite demographics. Like, please keep coming to me. I love you.
00:45:27:17 - 00:45:32:17
Luna
I've been meaning, I've talked to a couple, but I want to talk to more. So okay. But the lens of what.
00:45:32:18 - 00:45:54:09
Mala
There's so fun, the lens of shame that like goes over it is really like that something that was like created by these times, you know, that. Oh, God, there's so much I think like I'm going to like, have echoes of what I wanted to say. Right now in my head for like three days, because this is such a good cry.
00:45:54:11 - 00:46:02:00
Luna
I mean, maybe you'll just have to come back and do a regular sex Stories episode. That's not work focused. If you ever feel like sharing different details.
00:46:02:02 - 00:46:27:09
Mala
I would love to. Just learning about people's kinks and being like, that's a kink, that's a kink, that's a kink. It's more questions than answers. But like, cut feeds into a very niche kink of people eroticized in someone killing them like a woman killing them, which is not something that I ever knew existed, but has come up several times, and it's come through the avenue of Cocks and I'm like, oh, I want to know more about this.
00:46:27:09 - 00:46:32:19
Mala
I'm curious about this. All of this has come from phone sex to and just having conversation with people.
00:46:32:21 - 00:46:37:04
Luna
I need to start doing phone sex right now. Sorry. I'm like, damn.
00:46:37:04 - 00:46:56:07
Mala
Okay, yes, I'm telling you. And I will get your ass on night flirt. Yeah, yeah. This is where I become a dance mom. I will get your ass on Netflix in a week and you will have these conversations because it is a journey, man. It's a journey. Having these conversations with people. And oftentimes you can't be like, zoom out.
00:46:56:07 - 00:47:03:20
Mala
Like, I sometimes get to ask about, like, what do you think this came from? But oftentimes it's like their dick is in their hands and and you're just going with it.
00:47:03:20 - 00:47:26:02
Luna
You're just yeah, yeah. And I'm, I'm way less interested in the why when I'm in a one on one dynamic with a person. I'm so interested in the like what is it that gets you off though? Like what specifically is it like? I love finding the what's at or on a if I'm with a person in person on a body like what is going to make you fucking whatever.
00:47:26:04 - 00:47:28:23
Luna
That's how I'm a scientist in my human laboratory.
00:47:29:00 - 00:47:51:03
Mala
Okay? Fin subs people who want to get drained for money. That's a real thing. They are eroticized in their own debt, which is like a really interesting intersection of, like, I didn't get it till I realized that money equals, like, worth for men. And so they're eroticized in their own worthlessness. And it's just coming in the really fun package of you getting like massive amounts of money from them.
00:47:51:05 - 00:48:16:03
Mala
They're eroticized in their own victimhood, which is what makes them like kind of dangerous and scary. So like, that's one thing. Just these kinks, these niche kinks are like the underbelly of masculinity. I feel like that's the overarching thing. They are the variants that, like culture of masculinity, does not allow men to express. So I'm blessed enough to see them and pay my rent off of them.
00:48:16:05 - 00:48:34:15
Mala
But men don't have a way to express them. They're like the shadow side of masculinity. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it just is what's happening. And the more I know about them, the more I'm like, well, that's interesting. You know, so many men want to dress as a woman, like, a lot, you know?
00:48:34:17 - 00:49:02:13
Luna
Oh, I do, I have gotten to do dress up sessions because I, my origin is as a filmmaker photographer. So I've gotten to do some dress up sessions and capture these women, you know, their first time being a woman or their first time having a documented. And I think that's so fucking beautiful. So specifically in your area of industry, have you noticed trends or like anything that's affected your business practices?
00:49:02:13 - 00:49:09:07
Luna
It sounds like you're really receiving so much. Also, I can't wait for your future book underbelly of Masculinity.
00:49:09:09 - 00:49:12:12
Mala
Well, I'm going to dedicate it to you. That's a great name.
00:49:12:14 - 00:49:14:06
Luna
You said it.
00:49:14:08 - 00:49:36:04
Mala
There's things that are coming into my awareness that I'm like, is this a trend or is this something that I wasn't ready to see? And now I'm seeing? But like the biggest trend that I've noticed actually hasn't had anything to do with the kinks, had to do with like I started stripping before there were even like cameras in clubs and like there was nothing cool about being a sex worker.
00:49:36:04 - 00:49:55:06
Mala
It was shameful. It was scary. And it was like a terrifying thing for anybody to find out about you. And the fact that so much has changed in 15 years is really fucking cool. I'm really, like, proud of I feel like an elder, kind of like an elder queer where I'm like, man, like, that's cool that people have Instagrams now where they're like, I'm a fucking stripper.
00:49:55:06 - 00:50:33:12
Mala
And they have like 25,000 followers that there's just like a normalization of things. I mean, it's it's not freedom to like, street based sex workers are given the same respect that like the super hot Instagram stripper is given. But it's something, right? I'm like, oh, this is cool. You know, the fact that I felt comfortable making a Patreon and being like, I'm a sex worker and like, maybe my cousin will stumble across it or my brother and I'm like, I won't die from that experience is something that I couldn't 18 years ago, you know, and just the integration of like, core knowledge into knowledge of sex is crucial because, like, people tell whores things that
00:50:33:12 - 00:50:47:12
Mala
they're not going to tell their therapist, they're not going to tell their wives, they're not going to tell their best friends. So there's like this whole untapped, like anthropological knowledge that literally only whores get, you know, and that is beautiful.
00:50:47:13 - 00:50:56:17
Luna
Fuck yeah. Fuck yes. I would love to hear what you are most excited to explore and or grow in your work going forward.
00:50:56:18 - 00:51:19:04
Mala
I think the thing that I'm most excited about is honestly, the siren sciences. I find that sometimes I'm like, I'm going to do two recordings a day. Which recordings are just like me talking into my iPhone, but like the thing that continuously feeds me is community with other femmes, community with other sex workers. Like I own a pole dance studio for that reason, because I was like, oh, these are trauma healing movements.
00:51:19:04 - 00:51:57:07
Mala
Like the world needs to know, you know, like so the thing that I'm most excited about is community. And the thing that I find that I don't feel tired at all pouring into is coaching, mentorship, talking, talking, story like being connected to each other, being connected outside of the client gaze. Like clients will feed me financially, but like community where we see each other and we center each other's gazes versus the male gaze or the client gaze, is like we can do the exact same thing that we would be doing in the strip club, but if we're centering each other's gaze, there's like something that fortifies us for going out into the rest of the
00:51:57:07 - 00:52:00:03
Mala
world. So that's what I'm really excited about.
00:52:00:05 - 00:52:08:10
Luna
Fuck yeah. If you could wave a magic wand and teach everyone in the world something about sex, what would it be?
00:52:08:12 - 00:52:17:07
Mala
Is that sex is play, I think, and that's like a whole journey to discover. I'm still discovering it, but that sex is play before.
00:52:17:09 - 00:52:31:10
Luna
Also, it's like we have to discover play every day. It's different every day. The way dopamine works in our system, it's different. Like, it's not like, oh, I figured out how to have fun. I'm done for life now. It's like different every day. I mean, for me, I speak for myself.
00:52:31:12 - 00:52:33:00
Mala
For me to.
00:52:33:02 - 00:52:47:05
Luna
Okay, lastly, a fantasy brainstorm. If you had an unlimited budget to build a sexy playroom, house, castle, dungeon, whatever you want for yourself, or to represent your brand, what would it be like?
00:52:47:07 - 00:53:17:12
Mala
Oh my god. So there would be a lot of magenta like magenta lights, and there would be like lots of places you could do limpets and there would be mermaids, like real live ones, but there would be like limpia spaces or spaces where you could go in like different waters, like different temperatures on your body, and you could like be with yourself and just like live, create for a really long time, you know, and just like there would be time, there would be endless time, you know, like endless time that you could be in these spaces.
00:53:17:14 - 00:53:47:17
Mala
There would be lots of vibrator. There's like lots of sensations to, like a different realm with, like sensation, you know, textures, like silks. So it's for sure the Glory Hole room, because I like that. So it would be like a space for glory holes to happen if they, if they wanted to, but like, yeah, like textures, lights and like massages like so much massage options like oils, attendants massaging like always someone to massage you to soak your feet.
00:53:47:19 - 00:54:17:19
Mala
Sounds like lots of like beautiful sounds tones. And then a dress up box like the kind that you had when you were a kid. Like playbacks, like dress up and poles, obviously like places you can dance in, like wooden floors, like smooth floors that you could just like, crawl around and roll around in someone who was always just kind of like gently that you could, like, look to and to guide you through certain movements that open up your spine and make you feel the deliciousness of what you are.
00:54:17:21 - 00:54:35:14
Mala
And like food, like fruits, obviously, like fruits and food and stuff like healthy, like lots of grains. But something that someone who was really good at cooking prepared so they taste delicious and you're like, this feels great, tastes great. And like the visually appealing spaces for cats to pet.
00:54:35:16 - 00:54:45:11
Luna
A woman after my own heart in so many ways. Damn, I can't wait to talk to you more. Mala marquez. Where can people find you on the internet?
00:54:45:13 - 00:54:56:00
Mala
Well, my Instagram, it's private, so send me a message because I don't let anybody follow who I'm like, if we have mutuals, I'll let y'all follow. But there's just like, you know.
00:54:56:02 - 00:54:59:12
Luna
If the mutual is me, send me a message.
00:54:59:14 - 00:55:08:08
Mala
That's right. Yeah. And it's Mala underscore why it's in Spanish. So it's like Mala underscore y underscore milagros that the.
00:55:08:08 - 00:55:12:00
Luna
Link is in the description below, but I think it's helpful for people to hear it out loud to.
00:55:12:05 - 00:55:19:13
Mala
Yeah. Mala in Milagro. And then the Patreon is the Silent Sciences. It's just me talking into my voice notes.
00:55:19:13 - 00:55:48:21
Luna
It's fucking phenomenal. It's fucking phenomenal, a beautiful community, and thank you for creating that. I wanted to see if maybe you would tell our sweet listeners about Servidores, because you introduced the idea or the right to call them an idea. You told me about Servidores, and since then I have been using them and I want to introduce you to mine, but I want you to tell our listeners first, like what they are and how you came to know about them.
00:55:49:13 - 00:56:10:04
Mala
Thank you. Well, I've been interested in magic my whole life, you know, and in spirituality in general and recently I've circled back to chaos magic, which is really accessible to me because I'm very chaotic. So I'm like, oh, I, I already have half of this down. Then chaos magic is just about kind of like whatever works.
00:56:10:04 - 00:56:38:10
Mala
And there's like general arcs of like pop culture magic and working with your own pantheons of gods. So basically servitor and I'm always learning I'm not the expert, but servitor is are entities that you create from yourself with specific jobs, you know, so you could go the old fashioned way and talk to Aphrodite for beauty. But I feel like you to halfway get to like a small Santa version of Aphrodite, like she's halfway in your brain.
00:56:38:10 - 00:56:58:23
Mala
You know what I mean? Like, totally. So why not just pluck from the vastness of who you are, the vastness of your psyche, the vastness of the parts of your psyche that you don't even know? And take a second and create this entity that runs like an app for you, that you can just be like, okay, I'm going to this app now because I need to access more beauty.
00:56:59:00 - 00:57:21:03
Mala
And it's like, okay, then, you know, and so servidores are that, and there's a process of creation that I learned about after I started talking about them. But in general, you can create a servitor for anything. You can create a servitor to help you get parking spots. I created a servitor once that had one mission, and then I gave it its offering, and then it went away to help my son get on a baseball team that was full, you know?
00:57:21:03 - 00:57:41:11
Mala
And I was like, I'll give you this. And I feel like, you know, it was clear the mission. I asked it to do this thing, and it did it, you know, or else you can create secretaries like I have one that works as an electric fence for me. So anytime that anything that is not from my best interest or my children's best interest comes, it just kind of like zaps it back.
00:57:41:11 - 00:58:05:22
Mala
It like gives that little like amazing. And I found that for me with that servitor, I thought about the problem that I wanted it solved. I brainstormed for a bit. I gave it an image. I wrote it all down in a contract. I said, this is your password. This is where you live. This is your death word. If I ever need to kill you, this is your exact thing that I intend for you to do.
00:58:05:22 - 00:58:25:15
Mala
And this is how I feed you. I wrote a little sigil. I had it birthed. And now every time I talk to this one, I say I call it in. And I say, I command you in my little, in my brain. I command you to do this thing. I say it's password. And for me, even though I'm a Dom in my regular life, I'm less of a damn.
00:58:25:15 - 00:58:49:10
Mala
And so for me, saying I command you and knowing that we have that, that interaction and then it does it and I feel it doing it, I'm like, whoo! Because it is an iteration of myself, but it's every channeled iteration of myself that just exists for protection. And then it's like all the parts of myself that are so amorphous and magical that they don't even qualify as self, really.
00:58:49:10 - 00:58:53:07
Mala
But they're the things, you know, it's just it's fun how it works.
00:58:53:09 - 00:59:09:15
Luna
Damn, I love that. I love hearing the specifics of your process. It makes me want to be a little more like formal. I haven't actually written to any of them. I do a lot of writing, but I would like to tell you about myself. Avatars who I've been meeting slash. The first one is just yours and lovers. This is getting sexy, I promise.
00:59:09:15 - 00:59:12:05
Luna
This is all in the vein of sex, sex, sex. Well, first.
00:59:12:05 - 00:59:15:07
Mala
I'm Aquarius, so this turns me on. I'm like.
00:59:15:09 - 00:59:34:01
Luna
Okay, great, I'm wet right now. I mean, I think magic and like, when I say magic, I mean just what you're talking about harnessing the parts of ourselves and our energy in intentional, focused ways to bring our desires to life. So that's if any of you are out there like, oh, America, I don't believe in astrology. Do you believe in patterns?
00:59:34:06 - 00:59:55:12
Luna
Do you believe that you exist right now? That's what I'm talking about. So to ground it in practical reality, I have been, I think, using this concept that I learned from you for about a month now, and I first borrowed, made a copy of a copy of your easy. And I'm not going to get too into depth about all of my babes, but easy has been showing up for me.
00:59:55:17 - 01:00:15:23
Luna
The phrase easy does it is in my brain. I've made up little songs for easy. Oftentimes, like, that's not part of my offering for easy. That's just like what happens in celebration. And so I was doing like an easy song in the hot tub last night, like swirling the cauldron and then. And then Eazy introduced me to first I met requests.
01:00:15:23 - 01:00:34:05
Luna
Yeah. And I have like, little visions of who they all are. And so request yeah helps me when I get stuck for asking. I don't even need to worry about finding the right words and then request you get introduced me to her. It's twin being receive, which helps me on the other side. Once I get the request out.
01:00:34:05 - 01:01:00:21
Luna
There's receive. Yeah. And then if like details need to get figured out, negotiate or figure, you know, we'll jump into the mix. And so we're all like kind of hanging out. Those are the main ones. Oh God. There's someone I'm forgetting. But they're probably sleeping right now so they don't want to get mentioned, you know. So I've been I've been playing with these different beings and parts of myself and just really appreciating everything that it's unlocking and unfolding and creating some flow.
01:01:00:23 - 01:01:06:23
Mala
Oh my God, what do they look like? I'm so curious. What's the request? So she sounds fun. Request?
01:01:06:23 - 01:01:29:00
Luna
Yeah. Is amorphous, long, spindly like gray smoke, but a little bit sparkly. So like for me, when I need to call upon her, when I need to, like, beg her into existence if my words are stuck. So this actually also she was created in the context of I've spent the last five years practice talking about sex out loud with people, like practicing being like sex.
01:01:29:02 - 01:01:56:22
Luna
Here's how we're going to do it. Here's how we're going to have the health and safety conversation. Here's how I'm really, really good at talking about sex and discussing sexual specifics, even of myself, when it's in a work context, when I'm interviewing someone, when I'm just having a casual conversation, or even talking to a friend. I recently had a friend go from friend to lover and realized that I lose my ability to ask for what I want, and even making a list.
01:01:56:22 - 01:02:23:16
Luna
Like for the first time, I made a list like a little mini bucket list for this specific person and then sent it to them. And then I was like, why did I do that? Like I had a huge vulnerability backlash, hangover. And so that's when request you made herself known to me. And she will just come in whatever part of me and help the silence help manifest, help get out and connect with whatever I need perceive is more like amorphous, kind of like a wide open shell.
01:02:23:16 - 01:02:47:11
Luna
She can change shape. She's got a lot of gold, sparkles and balls, whereas requests she has more like silvery, misty, dark and gray. Negotiator kind of looks like a big like goofy devil. Dark and smoky pot is like friendly and down to help. And again, like they're very amorphous, easiest, invisible, but like shimmery. Like how I would imagine someone with an invisibility cloak would look, even though whatever.
01:02:47:11 - 01:02:52:20
Luna
So not totally invisible, but sort of that shimmer of heat, but like a form of a thing. So.
01:02:52:22 - 01:03:11:21
Mala
Oh my god, thank you for sharing. I'm like so excited. I can see them when you're telling me about. Yeah, I'll be like, I feel the transmission and it makes me so happy. That eases with you too, because easiest for the streets. Like easy wants to be in everybody's mouth like all the bad bitches mouth. Who wants that?
01:03:12:01 - 01:03:15:07
Mala
Who's like, talk about me, speak my name. Yeah.
01:03:15:09 - 01:03:33:06
Luna
Yeah. Oh, okay. There's one more I have to mention because easy. I got to know. Easy super duper well on a recent work trip. So I've been traveling nonstop, interviewing people for funsies, but then also doing a lot of, like, photo and video work, a lot of erotic photo and video work. And just like going back and forth, back and forth.
01:03:33:06 - 01:03:47:16
Luna
And so I was like, I want these jobs to be easy, like I want. And so I had this period where 3 or 4 days in a row, it was like, boom, easy, easy, easy. And then I was like, it's a little bit too easy. It's kind of boring. Okay. And so then I then I was like, easy.
01:03:47:16 - 01:04:07:09
Luna
Do you have a friend like someone who is maybe like, oh, I don't know, satisfactorily? Like obviously, you see, I have a naming scheme and so easy now hangs out with satisfactory. Yeah. To make sure that it's not just about making it the easiest possible, you know, because it was also outside of a work context. I was like, I want to have this lover ship.
01:04:07:09 - 01:04:28:20
Luna
I want to have these. You know, like, I want I have these desires. And it's like, I want an arc, I want a yummy roller coaster. And so I've gotten really intentional, not just about being like, I don't want it just to be satisfying because I had this big, difficult thing. And then there was a like, I want actually just like twists and turns to learn and grow in ways that are utterly delightful to me.
01:04:28:20 - 01:04:30:18
Luna
So satisfactory helps me out with that.
01:04:30:20 - 01:04:32:22
Mala
Even the name is like.
01:04:33:00 - 01:04:37:12
Luna
Right, it's yummy. Marla, thank you so much for being a guest on Sex Stories.
01:04:37:14 - 01:04:41:23
Mala
This is amazing. I'm about to binge all your episodes, so, you know, thank you.
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