208 | Dominant & Unicorn Parts: Layla & The Curious Girl Diaries
- Luna Robbie
- Apr 14, 2023
- 32 min read
Host of The Curious Girl Diaries podcast.
🔗 LAYLA LINKS | the curious girl diaries / @the_curiousgirldiaries
00:00:00:10 - 00:00:09:07
Luna
Our guest today. I'm very excited to talk to you once again. She has been a sexy pod host for seven years. Welcome, Leyla from The Curious Girl Diaries.
00:00:09:09 - 00:00:13:22
Layla
Hi! While I am so glad to be back. Thank you so much for having me again.
00:00:14:00 - 00:00:25:21
Luna
Oh, I am so excited! You answered this in our previous interview, but for this podcast I would just like to set a new frame up by hearing today your definition of the word sexy.
00:00:25:23 - 00:00:45:13
Layla
For me it's like just emanates from the inside out. It's not something specific. It's really a state of mind. It's how you feel. It's how you project. And it's an energy that you bring with you wherever you go. And you can turn it on and turn it off as you need to. Sometimes you don't want to be projecting that because it draws a lot of attention.
00:00:45:15 - 00:00:51:17
Layla
And then other times it's like, oh yeah, this, this light is on.
00:00:51:19 - 00:00:58:09
Luna
Okay. So now tell us a little bit about your work. How are you making the world a sexier, more loving place?
00:00:58:11 - 00:01:18:10
Layla
Well, I hope that when I'm doing what I want to do, the whole goal is just to inspire conversations. You know, outside of the podcast, I hope that people hear things. I hope they're able to talk to their partners about it and it makes it easy to broach maybe sometimes uncomfortable subjects. I also hope that people get inspired that are single.
00:01:18:10 - 00:01:46:06
Layla
They want to do a sex bucket list. They want to, you know, have a journey. Like I'm having because what I'm doing, anybody can do. And it's really been amazing what I've learned about myself personally through my sexuality and by really focusing on that. You know, it's going to put everything out there like on steroids. So if you have any insecurities, any hang ups, you know, something that you really want to accomplish and do, it makes it that much more fun.
00:01:46:06 - 00:01:55:06
Layla
And it brings everything to the surface, things you need to work on. And then also, it's just very inspiring to me. My sexual creative energy is through the roof.
00:01:55:08 - 00:02:01:07
Luna
Amazing. Okay, you said you have another new podcast recently, right? Like a private one.
00:02:01:09 - 00:02:18:14
Layla
I have a private podcast I so I think that's new. Since we spoke, I started a private podcast. What I'm able to do is I just have, you know, one extra episode a week, a lot more spacey. I've been able to do things like take little audio outtakes from actual encounters with my partners.
00:02:18:15 - 00:02:21:19
Luna
Oh, like sexy noises and think like sex.
00:02:22:00 - 00:02:23:13
Layla
Actually, me and.
00:02:23:13 - 00:02:27:00
Luna
Act hot. Oh my god. Because do.
00:02:27:00 - 00:02:27:09
Layla
You ever.
00:02:27:09 - 00:02:28:00
Luna
Record your.
00:02:28:00 - 00:02:48:02
Layla
Own video when you're having sex with a partner? I it's so fucking hot. I just love it. Right? But yeah, what inspired me was a long time ago, I heard somebody on Tumblr, this German guy talking to his girlfriend in German, and he was dominating her and she was begging to get release, and it was just so erotic and hot.
00:02:48:04 - 00:03:08:13
Layla
Yeah. And I always remembered that. That always stuck out in my head. And I'm not really brave enough. Like, I don't want to do porn. I don't want nothing against it. I just for me, it's like, I don't want that stuff out there, but just these, you know, 32nd audio clips of the noises that I make, I find very sexy.
00:03:08:18 - 00:03:31:23
Layla
I have my partner making, like, so, you know, I'll do an episode and then I'll do like some bonus content with that in there. And it's, it's hot and I can just give I can go also that much deeper because it's private, it's behind a paywall, and I can really kind of get into some of the stuff that, you know, it's just that much more raw and you're not really sure that you want to share it out there in the public world.
00:03:31:23 - 00:03:41:07
Layla
So it's just a whole nother level for me to explore and be able to reveal about myself and what I'm experiencing. It's a safe space for me to do it, and so I really love doing it.
00:03:41:09 - 00:03:47:08
Luna
I fucking love that. That's hot. Do you consider yourself then, a sex worker?
00:03:47:10 - 00:03:49:06
Layla
That is a really good question.
00:03:49:06 - 00:03:54:14
Luna
I had I went down the whole rabbit hole for myself. So I'm curious where you fall right now. Today? There's no right or wrong answer, of course.
00:03:54:16 - 00:04:18:08
Layla
I mean, you're making me think because I've never I've never actually been asked that question. Do I consider myself a sex worker? Before I would have said, no, I'm not. I'm just someone who, you know, who shares a message. I talk about sex. I'm not charging for it. But I guess if you, you know, maybe now that I have those little clips in the private podcast, maybe I'm starting to edge that way.
00:04:18:10 - 00:04:21:21
Luna
Or erotic artist. You know what label feels most comfy?
00:04:21:23 - 00:04:26:04
Layla
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. That's a really good question.
00:04:26:06 - 00:04:29:18
Luna
Because I'm like, when did I cross the line somewhere? Now I'm definitely on that side of it.
00:04:29:18 - 00:04:33:18
Layla
What is a sex worker? That's a really good question.
00:04:33:20 - 00:04:40:16
Luna
A lot of the definitions I look up are like, well, if you're titillating people on purpose and making money for it, you know, it's some kind of like general.
00:04:40:17 - 00:04:42:09
Layla
Okay, then then I'm a sex worker.
00:04:42:10 - 00:05:02:11
Luna
Yeah, some of it just has to do with lewdness and obscenity. Yeah. And it's different for everyone. I like it, I'm. It's all good to me, but I'm just, like, curious about how we're all thinking of ourselves and each other. Now, here's a question, though. If you didn't have those erotic audio clips, is just sharing your personal details on the podcast is that, you know, because it's erotic, it's personal.
00:05:02:11 - 00:05:10:18
Luna
It's more than like regular people share. But does that count as a sex worker thing once we start like making ads or getting sponsorships or anything like that.
00:05:10:19 - 00:05:40:04
Layla
I will say no. And I want and I want to say no. And here's why. Because again, as you asked me what my goal is, you know, ultimately my goal is that sex, the way I'm talking in my podcast, as open as I am, that that becomes normal. Yeah, that we get to a point where everybody can talk about sex, any aspect with anybody, you know, obviously age appropriate, you know, no, not with minor children, but just, you know, that it's so natural and normal.
00:05:40:09 - 00:05:49:16
Layla
We've removed the stigma from it and the secrecy. And that's where I think where all this weirdness comes from. So once we lift that, you know, we're good.
00:05:49:18 - 00:06:12:13
Luna
Yeah. Also, by that definition, I don't think I counted as a sex worker when I started posting pictures as a shaved head or naked girl because I was trying to just normalize that. But then again, I was trying to normalize it as naked. I'm not sure. Okay, well, how about you tell us now, what are some of the reactions you've gotten over the years when you've told people about the sexy work that you do?
00:06:12:15 - 00:06:33:07
Layla
You know, I've stayed anonymous, and what I've done is I've kept a lot of that private from kind of what you want to call, I guess, my real life maybe. But the people that do know, they think it's very cool, like they don't have a problem with it. I think it's very cool to like when I tell people, oh, you know, like, sometimes I meet random strangers and like, well, what do you do?
00:06:33:07 - 00:06:49:17
Layla
I'm like, oh, I podcast to talk about my sex life. They're like, oh, you know, like everybody thinks that's really neat and interesting. And then like, where can I listen to it? And, you know, they find it fascinating what I've been doing. So I, it usually is met with good responses. I can't really think of a time where somebody went, oh, you know, that's terrible.
00:06:49:17 - 00:06:59:09
Luna
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. No. What are the circumstances when you're meeting someone kind of like out in the world that you find yourself sharing? Oh, I have a podcast where I talk about my sex life.
00:06:59:11 - 00:07:18:12
Layla
You know, you wouldn't do that, like in a business setting, obviously. But generally just when I meet somebody and if I'm vibing with them and I feel like they're receptive and it doesn't have to be like that, we're interested in each other in any way. It just, you know, I think, hey, this is a cool person and I feel like they would appreciate it and also maybe benefit from it by listening.
00:07:18:12 - 00:07:19:03
Luna
So yeah.
00:07:19:08 - 00:07:22:00
Layla
Yeah, that's kind of my little litmus test.
00:07:22:01 - 00:07:29:12
Luna
Have any of them ever like, contacted you after the fact and be like, I found it, I listened, or is it just sort of like that kiss as you travel the world people.
00:07:29:12 - 00:07:51:10
Layla
Yeah, they follow up. And what I love is the following that I have now and the community that I built. And that's why I'm, I'm also expanding my private podcast right now. I'm building a community for it, which should be out at the end of the month. All right. I'm going to do live in there and just get closer to, you know, the people whose lives that I touch and that are really touching mine by sending me their feedback.
00:07:51:15 - 00:08:17:03
Layla
I love to have it be like I said something that's just normal and that everybody's on board with, and it's entertaining and fun, but it's also thought provoking. You know, I've got some listeners that instantly change their lives, and you get these emails and these voicemails and I'm like, this is amazing. I can't believe that little old me, that episode I did or just listening to it throughout the years has inspired you.
00:08:17:03 - 00:08:25:06
Layla
And you know, you've changed your life, and your sex life is better and better than it's ever been. And, you know, and people are just generally happy.
00:08:25:08 - 00:08:34:05
Luna
Amazing. Okay, so now tell us, what is your professional origin story? How did you come to be a curious girl with a podcast?
00:08:34:07 - 00:08:55:19
Layla
So it was just me waking up one day and saying, what the fuck am I doing? I have not had sex in three and a half years. This is nuts. And I just, I literally like, hit me like a bolt of lightning. I was getting out of the shower and I think I was trying myself off, you know, kind of checking myself.
00:08:55:19 - 00:09:13:10
Layla
My piano man. No bad, you know, like. And then I was just like, no one's getting the benefit of this. I'm wasting the pretty what am I doing? And I'm like, I need physical touch. I need to get out there. I this this is not going to work for me. And I really had to question why I was why I had done that, you know.
00:09:13:10 - 00:09:37:08
Layla
How did that happen? It was strange, you know, like, gees, this isn't normal. And so I put my business hat on because I was all about business and said, you got a problem? How are we going to solve it? You need massive action laid out my, you know, laid out my plan, my sex bucket list and gave myself a time frame and was just like, and I want to document it.
00:09:37:08 - 00:09:58:09
Layla
I'm really curious about, you know, who's this? Who's this? If I'm going to be a sexual deviant, like, who's this making me at the end of all this? And so I was really curious about making sure that I, you know, did a podcast so I could see the progression. And it's been amazing. I actually have all of that data.
00:09:58:11 - 00:10:15:19
Layla
And to to hear the difference in me and how I've changed. Yeah. It's I and to and it was I laughed to think I was thinking I'm going to do this for a year and then I'm going to stop, I'm just going to and I would do it anonymously so I can sneak back to my regular life. And, you know, that'll be that.
00:10:15:23 - 00:10:25:16
Layla
00:10:25:18 - 00:10:40:22
Luna
Oh man I relate to that so hard. And I have a couple of follow up questions because like, I think when I started I was like, yeah, so I'll just be a person that can, you know, help other people practice talking about sex. Plus, I love sex stories, not realizing how it would, like, spiral out of control to take over my whole own life.
00:10:40:22 - 00:11:02:16
Luna
And then I, I distinctly remember the moment when one of my listeners wrote to me about you, and I had you on a list to, like, invite you to collaborate for like maybe a year or two before you finally actually reached out to me initially. And I remember, like, looking at your stuff and going through stuff because I too am like a documenter and a story lover and a collector.
00:11:02:16 - 00:11:17:16
Luna
And so when I found her stuff, that's so fucking cool. And I think what I'm curious about is how many bucket list items like you give yourself a time frame. How did you decide how much stuff to do, in what amount of time and what time frame?
00:11:17:18 - 00:11:37:20
Layla
Well, I figured that a year was a good amount of time because that's enough to really have some big changes and have a lot of, like I said, you know, data, I was interested in the data, like what's going to happen and, you know, but I knew in order to keep myself interested, right, you have to have enough stuff that's exciting and fun and challenging.
00:11:37:22 - 00:12:09:18
Layla
And so I just started to think about, well, all right now I'm obviously the subject of sex. So what do I want to do? What's always turned me on that I haven't had a chance to do that I think is remotely hot fantasies, things like that. And so I just made a list and went after it. But what ended up happening is once you cross something off, you usually don't cross something off without adding something new, because it's always just the fact that you put yourself in that position and that you're open.
00:12:09:20 - 00:12:31:11
Layla
Something really cool is going to happen, and a lot of times it's something that you never knew you would even be interested in. It just comes out, you know, and you're like, whoa, I did not know that was hot. But damn it, I got to do that again. Or you know, it just it's like a rabbit hole, one door, you know, all these, you open one door and then there's ten more to go down.
00:12:31:11 - 00:12:33:18
Layla
You know, it's very fun.
00:12:33:20 - 00:12:45:05
Luna
And can you tell our listeners how you were like, were you leading, looking for dates with your bucket list, or were you finding dates and then letting them know about your bucket list, or was it all opportunistically like, what was your method?
00:12:45:07 - 00:13:04:20
Layla
So yeah, so I just went out there and got on a bunch of, you know, dating apps and I said, you know, I'm scratching things off my sex bucket list and, you know, let me know if you want to. Yeah. That was my approach. Just like, this is what I'm doing. I basically kind of said, yeah, I'm just out there exploring, scratching things off my list, my sex bucket list.
00:13:04:22 - 00:13:32:19
Layla
And, you know, I just want to be open minded people who are interested in doing the same. That was it. I didn't say what was on my list, but it just made the communication aspect so much easier and light hearted. You know, we could talk about what we wanted to do. Let's like, we're locking arms together, we're going off on this sexy hot adventure and you know, we're going to do this stuff takes kind of the awkwardness and the pressure, you know, about, oh, this is what I like and how my body works like, so here's my bucket list.
00:13:32:19 - 00:13:41:17
Layla
Like this is what I want to do. And you know, it just this felt very natural around a subject that is kind of unnatural for us as humans to be, you know, open about.
00:13:41:19 - 00:13:47:12
Luna
I love that. So where would you like to see your work lead next?
00:13:47:14 - 00:14:10:23
Layla
This is the exciting part. So I and this is kind of like I'm giving you a little look behind the kimono here. What I'm working on while is. Yes, is that I want to bring on curious girls from different parts of the world. And so I have one lady and she wants to do it. We're working right now on the contractual part of it.
00:14:11:00 - 00:14:29:04
Layla
But, you know, I really just want to inspire this whole, like, troupe of curious girls and, you know, she's going to do what I did and, you know, have her own podcast. You know, it'll be under the Curious Girl brand will be curious girl, you know, Atlanta or Curious girl, Miami or, you know, wherever, wherever she's located.
00:14:29:04 - 00:14:39:01
Layla
And it'll just be her own adventures, you know, kind of following the same protocol that I did, but, you know, loosely. Right? Because it's her venture. And then podcasting about it.
00:14:39:02 - 00:14:42:10
Luna
I mean, yeah, I love that.
00:14:42:12 - 00:14:59:08
Layla
Yeah. I mean, I'm one person, right? So I need I need an army. It's going to take a lot to turn the tide on sexuality, you know, and it's not going to happen overnight and it's not going to I just, you know, hopefully in my lifetime, I see I've already seen I've already seen it start to change.
00:14:59:08 - 00:15:04:23
Layla
Even from seven years ago, which is exciting. I really want to be a part of that. So that's going to be my contribution.
00:15:05:01 - 00:15:18:20
Luna
Okay. Could you tell us now what are the parts of your work that for you today feel the sexiest, the juiciest and then the parts that are like maybe the least sexy that people wouldn't necessarily suspect?
00:15:18:22 - 00:15:25:20
Layla
Let's say the parts that are the sexiest. Well, obviously the sex.
00:15:25:22 - 00:15:29:15
Luna
I will assume, but I'm so glad to hear that.
00:15:29:17 - 00:15:53:16
Layla
God, just. It's the sex. While it's just, like, all of this fun, it's so liberating, you know, and especially as a woman, you know, because our bodies are designed for pleasure. The clitoris is the only organ that is strictly for pleasure. And we as women get it. It's not just the little bulb they look like lungs, you know, like they've got branches and they go everywhere.
00:15:53:16 - 00:16:14:11
Layla
And that's why we're wired so differently. We can orgasm so many different ways. And I've discovered that, you know, through my, just through my adventures, like all the different ways that I can have pleasure and it's amazing. It's just amazing. I feel like so who like, I have been given this gift, I'm going to ride the wheels off of it.
00:16:14:11 - 00:16:32:02
Layla
You know, I'm going to use every toy, every penis, every partner, you know, and just and have a great time, you know, in a way that it teaches me about myself. Because like I said, if you have a hang up or an issue, nothing's going to bring that to the table faster than, you know, sexuality, like being naked with another human being.
00:16:32:04 - 00:17:04:22
Layla
Then the other stuff, the figurative things are naked too. And it just helps, you know, for me to be able to say being that vulnerable surprisingly helps me be less vulnerable because I'm willing to say in that moment, like, oh my gosh, you know, like this is what's coming up for me. Or even after the fact I was feeling like this or somebody that like, is a great lover and they're just knocking my socks off and I'm like, whoa, the way you touched me, the way you had command of my body, the way you know, you gave me all this pleasure was phenomenal.
00:17:05:02 - 00:17:33:01
Layla
You know, like, well, let's do that again. And then the least sexy parts are the censorship. And it's okay that big business wants to advertise in a certain way because we're always being sold, you know, to buy through sex and sexuality. And, you know, these whether it's very overt or subtle, that's okay. You know, if you're a big company paying big bucks, social media and a lot of other places, nobody's going to say anything about it.
00:17:33:03 - 00:17:52:04
Layla
But if you want to post, you know, like a picture of a girl licking, you know, an ice cream cone, then that's going to get censored. Oh, no, that's, you know, that's suggesting something or even just, you know, a couple hugging a certain way, even though they can be fully clothed, you know, it's like, oh, this needs a label.
00:17:52:04 - 00:18:01:10
Layla
It should be mature, labeled mature content. I'm like, what is mature about that? What is mature about people embracing? That's a good moment. Why why can't we all celebrate that?
00:18:01:12 - 00:18:21:08
Luna
Yeah, I think that is such a good point that you make. And I really, truly think it is very unsexy that it's oftentimes the educators and the people who have the most information to share about sex that could help end some of these cycles of shame and violence that gets squished down because the marketing gets prioritized like that.
00:18:21:08 - 00:18:23:22
Luna
The status least sexy thing I can imagine.
00:18:24:00 - 00:18:40:18
Layla
It boggles my mind, you know? I mean, let alone little old me who just, you know, it's just talking about her life. You know, there's people out there that they have messages and they have medical things to share that people need to hear, and they can't even do it. And I think that I just think that's really wrong.
00:18:40:19 - 00:18:57:01
Luna
Yeah. Well, I also want to just say that I think that you were a person who is sharing the emotional components of your experience through the sex. I think any of us who are doing that, that's just as important as biological facts, like we need both the social aspects and the actual information about how to take care of our bodies are both important.
00:18:57:03 - 00:19:11:04
Luna
On a similar, but slightly more specific note, can you tell us about any standout shame related experiences that have either been like, kind of silly or funny or like, please pull me in the course if you were doing the work that you do.
00:19:11:06 - 00:19:30:07
Layla
Fortunately, there haven't been too many weird incidences. For the most part, people are generally excited about it and fascinated by it. And you know, aside from the corporate side, you know, where you have to deal with the censorship. People are great with the sex stuff. Yeah.
00:19:30:09 - 00:19:55:02
Luna
So it should be okay. So now I would love to hear. How has your own sex related work influenced your personal life? And especially what I'm keen to know is like, has your podcast self informed any of your like, personal life, or has it just been like energetically influential? Like, I've had a lot of feedback and I'm just curious what you've gone through in seven years.
00:19:55:04 - 00:20:31:12
Layla
I mean, it's like night and day. First of all, I wasn't even having sex. There was no feedback. That was like dessert. It's always planned. There was nothing going on, and it has changed me. It's gotten me in touch with just different sides of myself that I didn't even know. Were there things that helped me sort of make sense of certain relationships, and why it wouldn't work out with certain people, versus, you know, why I was then drawn to other people and I just couldn't really, like, understand all that.
00:20:31:14 - 00:20:54:06
Layla
It has been, like I said, the one thing that I've done that's given me the most personal growth overall. Yeah, I'm just so grateful for it. And that's why I'm just that's why I'm shouting from the rooftops. That's why I'm still doing it seven years later, because I'm like, everybody needs to experience this, but it's so boring and it's sex is so phenomenal.
00:20:54:08 - 00:21:35:13
Layla
If you're bored with your sex life, like there is absolutely no need for that. There is so much out there and and there's so much under the sexuality umbrella. It's not just penis to vagina, you know, there's just so many things to explore and do and what it brings out in you and the way it touches you is brings out these emotions and like epiphanies about yourself and the bond and the connection that you can actually have with another human being, it's better than you've ever heard about in some stupid fucking Disney movie, you know, or you know, or the way you've ever seen it portrayed through actors or on the big screen.
00:21:35:13 - 00:21:53:16
Layla
I mean, it really is something to experience. I just think that a lot of people aren't really truly living unless they can get to this, like get to this place within themselves and then share so much of themselves through sexuality. It really it's mind blowing for me.
00:21:53:17 - 00:22:02:17
Luna
Yeah. Do you have a specific example of something in your work life that has led to something in your personal life that was super hot?
00:22:02:18 - 00:22:29:23
Layla
Probably the biggest push that I've gotten in the growth department has been from exploring Bdsm, just being able to have that much trust and connection with another human being, the levels of deep that you can go, and I don't even know how to explain it. But like the connected energy, I've never, you know, people like, well, like energy level and like, oh, that sounds so woo woo.
00:22:30:01 - 00:23:02:11
Layla
It's true. Like, you literally can be on the same frequency with someone else when you're so connected in a sex act that it's just this, it's just the exchange of energy back and forth, and you're both fully immersed in it. It's like nothing else. And I don't have an outlet for that right now, unfortunately. But what I am doing that's exploring the other side of the coin is I now in practicing being someone's dominant.
00:23:02:17 - 00:23:24:08
Layla
Oh, and I have to tell you, that is now the full circle. That's a full evolution of it. I never thought of it that way. But now, because I'm able to, I have to step into those shoes. I understand so much more about it because I now I'm the one that has to, you know, I have to bring the creative energy.
00:23:24:08 - 00:24:02:17
Layla
I have to be on point. I have to be thinking about my submissive and what he's going through and what he needs. It's always very intertwined. And so, like, I have these revelations as I'm doing this about like, holy shit. Like my dominant had to do all this. Whoa. What? He did all this for me. This is a lot like there's so much that goes into it, and it's like I just keep rediscovering what I love about this stuff so much by stepping into the, you know, looking at the other side of the coin and stepping into some different shoes.
00:24:02:17 - 00:24:29:09
Layla
And it's amazing the crazy creativity that comes from it. I can wear that for a while. Like, I don't have to be that all the time. The dominant side, like, I know in my heart of hearts that, you know, my lane is the submissive, but to have that full appreciation and fully kind of like actualize it, I needed to get on the other side so I can fully understand it better.
00:24:29:11 - 00:24:35:06
Layla
And, you know, just like I said, like the revelations about it just kind of keep coming and coming and it's like, wow.
00:24:35:08 - 00:24:38:16
Luna
I love that. I love that you're learning how to be in charge.
00:24:38:18 - 00:24:54:02
Layla
Can I just tell you, while the groans and the sounds that come out of that man, the things that like I'm pulling out of him and the begging, God, I is so hot.
00:24:54:04 - 00:24:55:17
Luna
What does he call you?
00:24:55:19 - 00:25:09:20
Layla
You know what's funny? He asked me in the very beginning is like, how should I refer to you? You know what he's like to. I'm gonna call you mistress. And this is when we very first started. And we have been doing it. It's been about we're about a month into it, and I said, no, just you can just call me Layla.
00:25:09:21 - 00:25:15:23
Layla
But now it's like, I feel that I've earned it. And I feel like being will call me mistress.
00:25:16:04 - 00:25:35:21
Luna
Oh, I love it. I could totally see you as a mistress. Yes. So. Okay, you're kind of like me in that, you know, your podcast contains its work, but it also contains a lot of your personal. So how do you understand your work life, personal life, boundaries? Do you have them? Do you want them? Or is it just like, clear and understood?
00:25:35:21 - 00:25:38:02
Luna
Like how do you conceive of it?
00:25:38:04 - 00:25:54:02
Layla
It wasn't intentional. I would probably say I lucked my way into this, but I'm glad I did it. I had the forethought to stay anonymous that was really because I thought, I'm going to only do this for a year. This is, you know, I'm going to fade into the background and this is something I'm doing for me personally.
00:25:54:07 - 00:26:15:05
Layla
So I want to stay anonymous because I just don't want this to follow me. Well, as I kept going with it and stayed anonymous, the benefit that I got is that my worlds are separated. I know where the boundaries are and the clear lines are, and so I don't get confused about it. And when I want it to play more of a role, it does.
00:26:15:05 - 00:26:34:14
Layla
And what I want to just be going to the supermarket, you know, like not even brushing my teeth or what, you know, I mean, you know, I didn't wash my face or whatever, like looking kind of a wreck. I don't worry like, oh God, I got to go. You know, I have to be something or something out there because I do this podcast or anything like that.
00:26:34:14 - 00:26:44:22
Layla
It just everything is very nice and neatly compartment criminalized for me. And I'm so blessed really because of that.
00:26:45:00 - 00:27:03:11
Luna
Yeah. Has doing sex related professional work affected the way that you communicate around boundaries with the people you work with? I think you have like an editor and you sometimes work with sponsors and things like, does it come up at all or does it matter? Has it been influenced by your sex work at all?
00:27:03:12 - 00:27:07:09
Layla
When I'm talking to them, like I'm just my normal businesswoman self.
00:27:07:11 - 00:27:15:08
Luna
Okay, but you but like you have to give an editor a note like, oh, cut the part about me in the gangbang that was too much like this. Is it just straight forward, or does that ever come up?
00:27:15:10 - 00:27:33:10
Layla
Very straightforward. I feel very comfortable discussing the stuff. I mean, because the way you hear me talk about it in the podcast, that is how I will talk to anybody about it. That is my genuine comfort level. So even when I'm not like, people don't know that I have a podcast, if I sit down and talk to a group of women about sex, they don't know me.
00:27:33:16 - 00:27:35:12
Layla
You're going to hear the same stuff.
00:27:35:14 - 00:27:49:11
Luna
Yeah. Okay, so zooming out a little bit, what would you say that you've learned about social and cultural norms, aside from some of the weird shame and censorship stuff that we talked about through the work that you're doing that you found surprising?
00:27:49:13 - 00:28:26:17
Layla
I think what I have found the most surprising, just observing this over the years, and all of the feedback that I've gotten from my listeners, is how little communication there is with couples, long term couples, you know, whether they're married or just partnered up. I find it shocking really, really do that. You know, we plan, if you think about it, when you're going to be coupling up with someone, let's say, marrying them, you know, you you're talking about your finances, your long term goals, like all these aspects of how your life is going to go together, but you don't ever discuss the sex.
00:28:26:19 - 00:28:45:00
Layla
You don't say, you know, hey, my sex drive is here, yours is there. What are we going to do if we face issues around sex? What if one of us changes? What if we become a mismatched libido scenario? What if it's a dead bedroom? Do you feel like you own my sexuality? Do I feel like I own your sexuality?
00:28:45:00 - 00:29:03:15
Layla
Is it only for me? What parts of you are only for me? How do we want to handle this, that or the other? And you know, it's like you can get couples counseling and premarital counseling, but I think you should have six months of sexual counseling and therapy before you can get a marriage license and be delicious.
00:29:03:15 - 00:29:20:09
Luna
I love that idea. Yeah. And that's such a good point that you raise. It's very interesting that people will collaborate on what do we want our house to look like? What do we want the next, you know, 5 or 10 years, but they won't collaborate on like how do we want to grow together sexually and be satisfied and experience pleasure?
00:29:20:11 - 00:29:28:19
Luna
That's that's interesting. So that sounds like a cultural norm. Maybe you would like to shift. Is that true? And or are there any other cultural. I would like to shift?
00:29:28:21 - 00:29:44:02
Layla
Let me just be very clear here why I don't just want to shift it. I want to blow that son of a bitch up. Like, I feel like it is the most ridiculous thing that we do to ourselves as adults. We are grown ups. We need to be able to have these conversations.
00:29:44:02 - 00:29:45:15
Luna
We deserve pleasure.
00:29:45:17 - 00:30:05:11
Layla
We you deserve pleasure. I mean, you know, I hear people that haven't had a blowjob ever in their marriage. I hear, you know, men just like my I haven't had sex in 15 years. My wife just just unilaterally decided or. Or not, you know, not just the women, but it could be the other way around. Like, you know, I get men reaching out to me that are having affairs, want to have affairs.
00:30:05:11 - 00:30:21:19
Layla
I'm like, why? Okay, there's an issue. Why can't you talk to your spouse about this? Oh no, I can't tell her that. You know that this is important to me. What? You just told me, a complete stranger. Why can't you not tell like your person in life, who you are going to between now and dad spend your life with?
00:30:21:19 - 00:30:30:23
Layla
Why can't you tell them what is going on here? Like this is to me. It's crazy. So I want to get off the crazy train. I want us all to get off the crazy tree.
00:30:31:00 - 00:30:46:09
Luna
Totally. I mean, I hear from a lot of people who are very much in relationships where they're afraid of being judged. And I also have had a couple of listeners that were like, I told my partner exactly what I wanted. After listening to your podcast, and now we're divorced and they're happy about, you know, but it's but it's also like that.
00:30:46:09 - 00:31:03:17
Luna
That is the risk when we don't have those clear conversations up front. But I'm with you on the blowing it up and making sure that we're actually feeling good. So okay, this is kind of in the same vein, but maybe a little more specific. Have you noticed any specific sexual trends over the course of your work?
00:31:03:19 - 00:31:16:12
Layla
Maybe I'm just more aware, but I have seen this huge uptick in ethical non-monogamy. And I think it's fantastic. I am currently in a throuple and oh.
00:31:16:14 - 00:31:18:21
Luna
I know.
00:31:18:23 - 00:31:37:12
Layla
I know remember because last time we talked I hadn't heard of all things, I hadn't had a threesome. Oh yeah. Yeah yeah I couldn't find the right couple. Right. Just never felt right. And now I know why I know why because everybody that I was encountering, they just really wanted to. To sort of use me as an accessory.
00:31:37:15 - 00:31:38:18
Layla
Yeah. The unicorn.
00:31:38:18 - 00:31:40:14
Luna
Unicorn.
00:31:40:16 - 00:31:43:16
Layla
A unicorn horn they want to use my unicorn horn.
00:31:43:18 - 00:31:44:08
Luna
For just, you.
00:31:44:08 - 00:32:03:12
Layla
Know, like their one night of pleasure. And I guess what seems odd, because, you know, I can have, you know, casual sex, but it felt so impersonal. Maybe it felt equal when it was me and someone else. Okay, we're just going to do this. But when it was two people, I was like, that just doesn't sit right with me.
00:32:03:12 - 00:32:22:22
Layla
You know, I'm not a Band-Aid for your relationship. And I met this great couple who they were having a hard time finding someone because they want a connection. And I was just like, I fucking love connections. That's the. That's when the sex is off the charts. So totally. I've been, you know, seeing them and, since I think around December.
00:32:22:22 - 00:32:42:16
Layla
And it's just we are having so much fun and I really I admire them. Their relationship is spot on. They're so strong and connected and they make me feel so included, and I. I just love that. Right? I mean, it feels really good. So yeah.
00:32:42:18 - 00:32:59:05
Luna
That is awesome. I am a big fan of the non-monogamy ethical non-monogamy trend. What else would you say that you would like to celebrate the most about your work and or personal life right now, like as it pertains to what you're doing?
00:32:59:07 - 00:33:23:11
Layla
I just, you know, I did it did an episode earlier this month that came out and I was really saying, like, I just feel right now I feel really good. You know, I just feel really at peace and grounded and good about the dynamics that I'm involved in. Wow. I just feel really content and I'm enjoying it. I'm just riding that wave.
00:33:23:11 - 00:33:32:01
Layla
It's just, you know, I've got my submissive guy and you know, and my couple and I feel pretty happy.
00:33:32:03 - 00:33:38:09
Luna
So amazing. Aside from that, is there anything else that you want to explore, bucket list wise, work wise?
00:33:38:11 - 00:33:55:18
Layla
Oh, there's always I mean, yes, there's just I mean, you know, it's fun now. So I have this like a separate bucket list with his name is Nico. I have a separate bucket list with Nico. And then I do, you know, with Jack and Jill, that's the couple I call the random. I love that I know I give everybody a nickname, right?
00:33:55:18 - 00:34:16:00
Layla
So they can stay anonymous. But just like I've never really done this, like buddied up and now I have a, you know, a collaborative bucket list with Nico and, you know, and Jack and Jill, we don't have anything written down, but we're always discussing fantasies and things that we want to do, and then we do them, you know, we make it happen like we make, you know, an effort to make that happen.
00:34:16:01 - 00:34:33:11
Layla
And it's always so. It's so much hotter than my imagination, you know, like when it's actually happening. Holy shit. And so, I mean, I just right now, like I literally feel like, okay, where is the other shoe going to drop? Like what's going to happen? Like because I'm just so satisfied right now.
00:34:33:12 - 00:34:46:11
Luna
That's fucking awesome. Okay. So if you could wave a magic wand and teach everyone in the world something about sex, what would it be? How do we get everyone to that level of satisfaction?
00:34:46:16 - 00:35:08:03
Layla
How do we. Yeah, I can wait. My magic wand. I would just have instilled in everybody at birth that they deserve and are absolutely worthy of pleasure. And that phenomenal sex is your birthright. You are supposed to have it and it is supposed to be amazing.
00:35:08:05 - 00:35:31:05
Luna
I'd like to wrap up with a fantasy brainstorm question. Okay. Imagine there's a creative space for this part. Sex ed museum apart around a gallery. It has a secret members only dungeon down below that doubles as a co-working space or a set for erotic performers and models during the weekdays. And the whole place has educational workshops on weeknights.
00:35:31:07 - 00:35:53:22
Luna
And then it has afternoon delight parties on the weekend. So it's a magical, creative, sexy space. You have been tasked with designing one of the rooms it can represent. You promote the Curious Girl Diaries. Be an experience that you want people to have that reflects your values and you have an unlimited budget. What is the Layla Room like?
00:35:54:00 - 00:36:02:14
Layla
Wow, that's a lot. While oh my God, you are the queen of creativity. Like I have to ruminate on that. So yeah, take your time.
00:36:02:14 - 00:36:04:05
Luna
I just love fantasy questions.
00:36:04:07 - 00:36:16:23
Layla
Let me I know let me sort of like birth this like live and in real time I would think. So it's hard. Like do I want like the threesome fantasy, you know, multiple partners.
00:36:17:02 - 00:36:27:03
Luna
Oh you can split it up into multiple rooms if you need. This is an ongoing spiral Giants. But like, just biggest possible brainstorm. What would you love? Okay, I love the threesome room idea.
00:36:27:05 - 00:36:54:16
Layla
The threesome. Okay. So the threesome room. Because when you experience sex with more than one person, it completely shifts it and changes it. You're a part of something bigger and all of that hot, sexy, juicy energy. It's not just going in the circle now. It's like triangulating. And it doesn't just happen to be because you're the one that's getting all the attention.
00:36:54:17 - 00:37:11:20
Layla
Like, you know, the first time, like, I looked over and I saw a pussy up close and in my face, and I saw her having an orgasm. It was like, I've never seen another woman have an orgasm. Holy shit. Like watching her. I mean, not obviously porn. I'm talking like real life.
00:37:11:20 - 00:37:13:04
Luna
Like it's different.
00:37:13:06 - 00:37:52:15
Layla
She's getting off on watching me with her fiance, and she's just right there, and you can feel her shaking the vibration. It's so frickin powerful. And then when I watch them, I feel the same, like I want to. I'm constantly somebody is always touching someone. I would love for people to experience that full immersion of what it's like to have that type of sexual energy exchange when everybody's on the same page, fully comfortable, fully accepting of their bodies, their nakedness, their hot sexiness, and it's just oozing all over the room.
00:37:52:17 - 00:38:24:06
Layla
That's what I would love for people to have. The other room would be my dungeon. Oh, for my little sub for Nico. And he's not little by the way. He is dressed. God, he's sexy while he's this tall male professional soccer player and he's just muscular and all. Man, you know, out there, all testosterone, right? But he submits to me.
00:38:24:08 - 00:38:48:10
Layla
He surrenders his orgasms to me. I get to bring him to pleasure or not. He does not get to touch himself. He'll probably be in this scenario. He'll have his cock cage on, and I will be teasing him mercilessly. And he's probably kind of give me like, at least 4 or 5 orgasms before I'll even start to tease and deny him.
00:38:48:12 - 00:39:10:13
Layla
And then denial starts. That's when all of his begging and groaning and all that starts to happen. And it's very hot and juicy and it's just palpable. You can feel it, and I love it. I would love for someone to know what it feels like, or to have an understanding of what it feels like to completely surrender to someone else and behave in their own.
00:39:10:15 - 00:39:31:06
Luna
Yeah, yeah, I'm imagining your spaces each have a sound track of yours playing in the background, like the threesome room has, like you in the couple. Just like making hot noises, like on loop for hours. And then the dungeon has you and your submissive just begging. Are you more like, classic dungeon? Like, are you dark dungeon style?
00:39:31:07 - 00:39:36:16
Luna
Like leather? Like, what are your esthetic vibes? And like, what makes a good space for a threesome, you know?
00:39:36:18 - 00:39:39:05
Layla
Oh, what makes a good space for a threesome? Lots of toys.
00:39:39:08 - 00:39:42:06
Luna
Yeah. Okay, so the threesome room has a lot of toys everywhere.
00:39:42:07 - 00:40:01:06
Layla
Easily accessible is a really big bed with a sex cover. Yeah, those are understated. Like, wow, now that I'm with them, I'm like, we really? I need to get what do they call like? It's like it's a sex. I want to say sex, but I'm not using the right word.
00:40:01:09 - 00:40:02:20
Luna
Like the waterproof sheets.
00:40:02:22 - 00:40:13:10
Layla
They actually sell like a sex sheet. And you roll it out. It's comfortable and fuzzy and put it over your bed. And I mean, because fluids are going to be flying.
00:40:13:13 - 00:40:14:22
Luna
Oh, yeah.
00:40:15:00 - 00:40:16:13
Layla
The fluid will fly.
00:40:16:15 - 00:40:29:03
Luna
Lewis will fly. And then in your dungeon, are you pretty like classic is it have classroom flavor like I could see with your cat eye glasses. You know, going a little bit in the direction of, like, scholarly Teacher Dungeon. I don't know.
00:40:29:05 - 00:40:54:21
Layla
I could definitely do that. Like scholar or naughty librarian. I love the naughty librarian. And my desk doubles as a milking table and teacher on that milking table, because I'm about ready to just tease the shit out of your prostate to where you just think you can't even stand it anymore. And knock the hell out of you. But you know the fluids are flying.
00:40:54:21 - 00:40:56:22
Luna
Because she's milking the hell out of you.
00:40:57:00 - 00:41:01:18
Layla
The fluids are going to fly. Yeah, that's for sure. If they're not, I'm doing something wrong.
00:41:01:20 - 00:41:11:22
Luna
Amazing. Oh my God, Layla, thank you so much for being a guest on Sex Stories. Tell our listeners where they can find you on the internet.
00:41:12:00 - 00:41:32:11
Layla
Everybody they can. Super easy. You can find me at the Curious Girl diaries.com. From there, you can link to all my social medias, all of the syndicators of my podcast. You can find them wherever you listen to podcasts. You can even ask your Alexa device to play my podcast. It will. There's no shortage of ways to listen. I put episodes on my website as well.
00:41:32:17 - 00:41:49:05
Layla
All my social media links are on the podcast. You can leave me a voicemail. I love hearing from you guys, I love feedback. I get back to everybody personally. You've got five minutes, just let it rip. But anything and everything you want to talk about, I've got a free sex bucket list tutorial on the website if you want to just take that.
00:41:49:05 - 00:42:10:16
Layla
You want to get creative and you're not sure like which way to go I can walk you through. It is only takes about 45 minutes or an hour. And then I also have my private podcast, which is now going to be expanding at the end of March, into the curious community where, you know, you could just interact with me and all kinds of like minded people, you know, kind of in a safe space where no public eyes are on you.
00:42:10:16 - 00:42:12:18
Layla
And we can just explore from there.
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