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38 straight white cis femme, single, open to monogamy, engineering technician, from Southern California.

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00:00:00:10 - 00:00:20:08

Luna

Our guest today is a 38 year old straight white cis fem who is single and mingling. She is open to monogamy and lets casual partners know if she's dating around. She's into hair pulling, spanking and hearing what her partner enjoys. Meaning she gets turned on both by talking about sexy details ahead of time, and also real time dirty whispers in her ear from a lover.

00:00:20:08 - 00:00:27:04

Luna

They make her hot, wet, sometimes squirt. An engineering technician from Southern California. Welcome, Kaitlyn Hart.

00:00:27:06 - 00:00:28:02

Calinheart

Hello.

00:00:28:04 - 00:00:39:03

Luna

Caitlin Hart. If you had to rate yourself on a sexual shame a meter today with ten being the most full of shame and one being not so full of shame, where do you fall right now?

00:00:39:05 - 00:00:44:22

Calinheart

I would say between 2 and 1. So maybe about one and a half.

00:00:45:00 - 00:00:48:16

Luna

Okay. And when if ever, does that fluctuate for you?

00:00:48:18 - 00:00:59:08

Calinheart

When I'm in a monogamous relationship and my partner isn't showing me the affection that I need.

00:00:59:10 - 00:01:03:20

Luna

I'm okay. When they're not showing you the affection you need. Does your time meter go up?

00:01:04:01 - 00:01:26:17

Calinheart

Yes. It makes me feel like something's wrong. And I always try to fight it off. And it's just one of the things that I still struggle with. Like reminding myself it's not me. It's whatever's going on with them. They're not in the mood. They're not, you know, chilling, attractive or whatever.

00:01:26:23 - 00:01:30:21

Luna

So is it all internal or is it in conversation with them?

00:01:30:23 - 00:01:50:12

Calinheart

It's internal, mostly. And then when I get a little bit of time to think to myself, then I'll bring it up to them and we'll have a conversation. And then that's, you know, when I find out that, oh, well, you know, I've been depressed lately or something like that.

00:01:50:13 - 00:02:03:17

Luna

Okay. So those conversations aren't the thing that spikes your shaima meter. It sounds like you're able to bring stuff up with partners pretty consistently, but it's the work that you have to do inside on your own first, to my understanding, that correctly.

00:02:03:19 - 00:02:04:09

Calinheart

Yeah.

00:02:04:11 - 00:02:11:20

Luna

Okay. Can you give us a little snapshot overview of what your sex life is like right now and some of your favorite parts?

00:02:11:22 - 00:02:45:11

Calinheart

I am clean in quite a few partners, about a handful once a week or so, once every week, depending on the person. Some of them will go out for the night. Some of them I will just go over to their house and wham bam, thank you ma'am and I'll go home and that's that. And my favorite part at the moment is just having every different kind of need met from different people.

00:02:45:12 - 00:02:48:01

Luna

How are you meeting these people, by the way?

00:02:48:03 - 00:02:52:06

Calinheart

Mostly I've actually met them off of, like, dating apps and stuff like that.

00:02:52:08 - 00:02:58:20

Luna

Okay. Can you tell us now what is sexy to you? Your personal definition.

00:02:58:22 - 00:03:08:08

Calinheart

What's sexy to me is a man who knows what he likes, knows what you want, and tells you.

00:03:08:10 - 00:03:21:03

Luna

How much does that have to do with how much you already like him? And the way he says it. Like, are there versions of that that are no goes for you? Or is that always get you going?

00:03:21:05 - 00:03:44:22

Calinheart

Usually it always gets me going. I mean, I don't really open myself up to sleep with guys that I haven't talked to on some, you know, sort of basis to get to know them either go out for coffee or something to know that we're going to vibe and that, you know, to be able to move to that part.

00:03:45:00 - 00:03:59:11

Luna

Okay, okay. So that applies to people that you are dating or on your way to date. Maybe, maybe not like someone randomly on the street or in a bar being like, hey, pretty thing, would love to stick my cock in that because that is competent and it's technically.

00:03:59:13 - 00:04:24:10

Calinheart

Someone who knows what he wants. Yes. And then my smart aleck side stepped in and says some witty something and then just walks away. Love it. I don't deal with those kinds. I have plenty of people on speed dial that I could just call and drive over to if I need to like that I know will get the job done.

00:04:24:12 - 00:04:29:11

Luna

Fuck yes, girl. Okay. When do you feel sexiest?

00:04:29:13 - 00:04:57:13

Calinheart

So many different times. But usually when I'm fresh out of the shower and clean, soft from shaving. And I know there's a guy waiting for me. That is when I go to sex. I mean, that's what makes me also feel sexy. Like when I want to take a picture and send it to him just as a tease before I get there.

00:04:57:18 - 00:04:58:14

Calinheart

00:04:58:16 - 00:05:00:20

Luna

Now what counts as sex.

00:05:00:20 - 00:05:14:14

Calinheart

For you when there's penetration. That's how my makeup is. I'm like if there's penetration then it is. If there isn't then we're not having sex. Great.

00:05:14:16 - 00:05:25:12

Luna

Now tell us did you ever get an explicit health and safety talk when you were growing up? Or a lesson in consent from an adult that you trusted?

00:05:25:14 - 00:05:58:10

Calinheart

Never. Any lesson in consent. The only education that I honestly remember, and coincidentally, recently had a conversation with my mom about this because my son is getting to that age. Was in school. Just basic. Here's a textbook, here's a video, here's a slideshow. I don't ever really remember having an explicit conversation with my mom at some point. We kind of did with my dad, but not really.

00:05:58:10 - 00:06:15:06

Calinheart

It was more of a if you're having it tell me kind of thing. Did you know I did it for the longest time? He used to call my son Immaculate Conception because he was like, you never told me when you started having sex.

00:06:15:08 - 00:06:31:12

Luna

Okay. I love that he actually remembered that he said that, though, because I do have the experience of a lot of other people in the world of all genders and relationships, to me, just not remembering what they said. And I presume that you had your son quite a while after he maybe said that to you.

00:06:31:14 - 00:06:35:12

Calinheart

Yes. Yes. About ten years or so after. Yeah.

00:06:35:13 - 00:06:36:15

Luna

That's a cool level of care.

00:06:36:20 - 00:06:58:13

Calinheart

Surprisingly, my dad has no idea how many times he nearly walked in on me having sex. How many people? Let's say, at least about three times. So I was a bit of a problem child, potentially. My mom might say my first boyfriend was six years older than me.

00:06:58:15 - 00:07:01:12

Luna

How old were you at the time?

00:07:01:14 - 00:07:36:06

Calinheart

Which means when I met him, when I was 15, he was 22, 21, 22. And so I got somebody who was a good boy, and he wouldn't sleep with me until I was 18. Okay. And so then once I was 18, I was living at my dad's. And since I was still living there and he was trying to, you know, put the law down, you know, if I had my boyfriend over, then the door had to be open.

00:07:36:08 - 00:07:44:17

Calinheart

So, you know, young people will be young people, and I can be quiet if I need to.

00:07:44:17 - 00:07:47:12

Luna

So wait with the door open there.

00:07:47:13 - 00:07:50:22

Calinheart

Yeah.

00:07:51:00 - 00:08:01:02

Luna

Can you tell us now, as an adult? Do you have any examples of a clear, explicit. Yes. That led to something super sexy?

00:08:01:04 - 00:08:31:12

Calinheart

Yes, I do have probably quite a few, but the one that stands out the most is the very first time that I ever went to my daddy's house that I had. And we had talked and talked and talked, and he's definitely one of the ones that made me learn how much I enjoy and get turned on by talking about what he likes to have done.

00:08:31:14 - 00:09:09:17

Calinheart

What I like to have done and he is very talkative in the bedroom. So he's also telling me and scripting different scenarios as she is fucking me or torturing me or whatever he is doing to me at the time. I had talked about how I never had somebody like just throw me up against the wall and just kiss me or feel my body all over and just, like, manhandled me like that.

00:09:09:19 - 00:09:36:09

Calinheart

And that's practically exactly what he did. She knew that I walked in the door after the awkward, you know, hey, hey kind of thing, you know, because it was the first time. So we had that awkward kind of. But after that, he just took control, and he led me to his bedroom, and he shut the door, and he just pushed me against the wall and kissed me and rubbed my Clinton.

00:09:36:10 - 00:09:45:15

Calinheart

It was so, oh my God. And then he was like, get on your knees and fuck me. It's like, anything you want.

00:09:45:17 - 00:09:57:23

Luna

Amazing. Okay, now tell us what happens to your shame a meter when it's time to talk to a partner? Maybe especially a new partner about safer sex.

00:09:58:01 - 00:10:28:12

Calinheart

It comes up when I have to talk about that kind of stuff. I have had the conversation with a few monogamous partners that I have tested positive for herpes. I always kind of feel that little tinge of embarrassment, like how are they going to take that? Are they still going to see me the same way? And I've lucked out and my partners haven't been fazed by it.

00:10:28:14 - 00:10:34:19

Calinheart

And I've only had the one break out.

00:10:34:21 - 00:11:01:02

Luna

Great. Also curious, because I hear you say lucked out. I have felt that way too, and I recently talked to someone else with herpes who felt similarly when their partners were not shaming. I'm sort of experiencing, and so far, my anecdotal data collection says that most people who are sexually active and informed are not bothered by a positive result for herpes because there are ways to play safely with it.

00:11:01:02 - 00:11:05:22

Luna

And it sounds like that's been your experience too. So maybe maybe we're part of the new normal.

00:11:06:00 - 00:11:25:19

Calinheart

Yeah, I'm hoping so because, you know, it's still out there that it makes you feel embarrassed about it. Regardless if you say it or you don't say it. When I originally found out I was dating somebody at the time, and it was like the hardest conversation to have to call and be like, have you been sleeping with somebody else?

00:11:25:21 - 00:11:43:23

Calinheart

Do you have bumps on you? Like, this is what I'm being told this is like. And he assured me, no, it wasn't him. Like it's okay. And we worked through it. Through that. At least we worked through that at the end. We still for each other.

00:11:44:00 - 00:11:51:06

Luna

In your perfect world, what is the ideal way that you're safe for sex? Conversation with a partner would unfold.

00:11:51:07 - 00:12:10:16

Calinheart

In a way. I have lived in my comfortable world in that way because the partners that I have opened up to, it didn't bother them. They were just like, okay, and if you know, we have break out, we'll address it or whatever. Like, okay.

00:12:10:18 - 00:12:23:22

Luna

And would you rather have someone else initiate or do you like to initiate and what sort of like things do you need to cover besides herpes. Like do you check in? Do you make them volunteer their status to ask to see tests?

00:12:24:00 - 00:12:45:17

Calinheart

I haven't actually touched majority of the time. The guys that I have intimate relationships with, they've been very open to just coming out with it and just saying, you know, I'm clean. This is when I got tested last, you know, yada yada. And how about you? Okay.

00:12:45:19 - 00:13:11:08

Luna

Okay. I also always just like to offer to everyone the phrase clear or my testing status is negative because the clean dirty thing, I mean, unless we're using dirty, is a good word, which people do and then they don't. That's something I read. So I always throw it out there. Now. Let's go back to your formative experiences. When do you first remember hearing about sex and what do you remember thinking and feeling and understanding?

00:13:11:13 - 00:13:38:17

Calinheart

I don't know if I really have like a pinpointed time of this is when I first remember sex and see sex and thought about sex, per se. I'm sure I've probably caught it staying up late, like watching TV, like peeking down the hall, like crouched on the floor, trying to sneak like a peek of whatever my mom was watching at night.

00:13:38:17 - 00:14:15:07

Calinheart

And there might have been like, sexy, you know, scene. Like they had back in the early 90s, you know? But it didn't stick in my mind necessarily. But I'm sure that's happened once or twice. I've always been very like, I guess, in a way, to say boy crazy. Like, I always had gay friends since elementary school. My best friends have pretty much always been guys, and I always had like a little crush on them or something, and they never reciprocated that kind of thing.

00:14:15:09 - 00:14:45:17

Calinheart

And the very first time that I remember kind of feeling like tingles and stuff like that was about when I was 12. Like when we really start having, like, the big like, that's tough in middle school. And I saw this one guy and I got the coolest for him, and I actually ended up asking him out to the Sadie Hawkins that year.

00:14:45:19 - 00:15:18:18

Calinheart

So I was raised by a single mom and she was pretty strict, so I didn't find myself exploring my body or touching myself or really getting away with having any kind of magazines or stuff like that in my room. My room was very small growing up. It was about the size of a queen size bed. So there was not a thought in my mind because my mom was always there.

00:15:18:20 - 00:15:40:09

Calinheart

It was like, you know, never shut the doors, ever. But it wasn't like hidden necessarily either in my family. Like my mom would walk around naked. So the first time that I had kissing one was when I was 15, and it was with my boyfriend at the time, but that's as far as it ever went until I was 18.

00:15:40:11 - 00:16:10:08

Calinheart

He would not sleep with me until I was 18. He was definitely afraid of my mom, who scared the bejesus out of him repeatedly because he was an older man and it was a technically against the law for me to be dating him, and my mom would scare him away from it, but we would still find in secret ways to still date and see each other and communicate with each other.

00:16:10:10 - 00:16:22:21

Luna

Okay, so there was kissing. Was there any other like physical like months six per your definition, but were there other explorations leading up to your 18th birthday?

00:16:22:23 - 00:16:54:21

Calinheart

Maybe a couple here and there where there was like dry humping and maybe like over the shirt feeling and stuff like that. But that's the extent of it for the most part. I do remember that we would sit on my aunt and uncle's couch together and then like when it was like wintertime and stuff, where it didn't look like suspicious, we would share a blanket.

00:16:54:23 - 00:17:20:12

Calinheart

And, you know, hands would be in places underneath the point, like he would stick his hand down. And before I sat, like he would sneak it under there, like where nobody would see it. And here we are, my two cousins and probably my uncle. Maybe my mom, my brother, you know, out in the, living room watching WWE.

00:17:20:13 - 00:17:32:13

Calinheart

And he just like, right under, like, everybody's eyes how he did it, I don't know, because I'd always end up, like, sitting on his hand. And then he'd have, like, his other hand, like touching my breast or something. I thought.

00:17:32:15 - 00:17:53:14

Luna

Oh my gosh, that's so spicy around the family. Okay, before we get into like, physical specifics of when you started exploring body stuff with partners. So your mom walked around naked. Were there any other, like, cultural influences? Like what was the vibe kind of like? What was the attitude around sex?

00:17:53:16 - 00:18:20:06

Calinheart

So I would say curiosity I've always had because it wasn't necessarily hidden, but it wasn't like openly talked about. And we didn't had the conversations when we were younger, of course, until we actually, like had the sex talk in school and we found out that, okay, there's a vagina and a penis and the penis goes in the vagina kind of thing.

00:18:20:06 - 00:18:35:09

Calinheart

And then, you know, we've kind of started catching on to what, like my mom and my grandparents or my aunts and uncles were talking about. And then at that point, then it was more like comfortable, like kind of openness.

00:18:35:11 - 00:18:47:18

Luna

Not having sex before 18. Sounds like maybe it was more a concern about legality. And or I'm going to make a projection here. Pregnancy or were there any sort of moral components?

00:18:47:20 - 00:18:53:13

Calinheart

No, not not really world. Just legal. Really. Yeah. Not that it stopped.

00:18:53:15 - 00:18:56:06

Luna

Wait, so did you do it before you were 18 then?

00:18:56:08 - 00:18:57:22

Calinheart

I did.

00:18:58:00 - 00:19:02:22

Luna

Okay. Tell us when. Where? You sneaky, sneaky.

00:19:03:00 - 00:19:38:19

Calinheart

Thing. So for my graduation present, I was given the opportunity to take a trip with one of my and uncles to help them with their move to Georgia, which originally my uncle was there. So they have family back there. And so, you know, things were getting more expensive out here. They needed a change in their life. So they decided to move back there where they can afford a house and they can live comfortably.

00:19:38:21 - 00:20:06:22

Calinheart

And so I took that summer right after I graduated high school and rode with my aunt in the Penske moving truck from California all the way to Georgia. So they lived in this teeny tiny like back on the map place that you wouldn't find unless you knew it was their town, where literally it was just like revolved around this lake.

00:20:07:00 - 00:20:30:02

Calinheart

There was just mobile homes around the lake, and that was essentially the town. That was it. And so, you know, in those types of situations, you got the one guy that kind of gets with every female. And so I knew it was a guarantee. And I was like, I have all this pent up sexual energy. My boyfriend will not do it.

00:20:30:02 - 00:21:05:00

Calinheart

I've been wanting this gone for like two years, like, please help me out kind of thing. And it actually, surprisingly, it ended up being pretty romantic ish for like a 17 year old because if we had the lake, it was in the middle of the night. And so I lost my virginity in a lake in Georgia with somebody who was not my boyfriend in the summer, and it was not what they expected, but it was a nice it's a nice memory to have.

00:21:05:02 - 00:21:09:00

Luna

Okay. What were you expecting and what happened that was different.

00:21:09:02 - 00:21:25:11

Calinheart

I guess I was just expecting it to be a little bit more enjoyable, and it wasn't as enjoyable as I thought it would be because, you know, young, dumb, obviously having sex in water. Not a good idea. Oh, so.

00:21:25:11 - 00:21:26:20

Luna

It was literally in the.

00:21:26:20 - 00:21:54:17

Calinheart

Lake? Yes. We jumped off the dock into the lake in the middle of the night and, you know, took our bathing shoes off. And he was very nice. And, you know, he kissed my breasts and felt my breasts and, you know, made sure that I was comfortable. And he was very gentle about it. And, but it just wasn't like, as exciting as I thought it would be.

00:21:54:19 - 00:22:08:15

Calinheart

And I guess I was expecting more like it to be more exciting and more fun and like, feel better kind of thing. I if that makes sense. Like, I was expecting more like what I get now.

00:22:08:17 - 00:22:34:23

Luna

Absolutely. I feel like although I'm specifically thinking of the Hitchcock movie North by Northwest, where in those old movies to get around censorship, when it got to the sex scene, they would, for example, cut away to the fireworks. So we've always been led to kind of expect these fireworks, and I'm sort of like sometimes it's like barely a candle, but okay, okay, so you were unleashed now sexually, did you have to wait until your 18th birthday to do it with your boyfriend again?

00:22:34:23 - 00:22:39:07

Luna

Like what? What happened next? What were your sexual unfolding now? You were into it.

00:22:39:09 - 00:23:07:12

Calinheart

Yes. So I'm a summer baby. Anyways, so it wasn't that long after before my 18th birthday and my dad had drove out to pick me up with my brother, and so I ended up driving back. I planned my 18th birthday party with my best friend at the time, and her boyfriend talking with them on speakerphone. Like on the way, like through all, you know, the different stages were communicating back and forth, like planning my 18th birthday.

00:23:07:14 - 00:23:34:03

Calinheart

And so then, of course, the next time I saw my boyfriend and I had the chance, then definitely was like, this is happening. And it was exactly what I was missing from my first time. Like, I felt that everything that I was expecting to feel, and so it was very memorable and nice.

00:23:34:05 - 00:23:43:08

Luna

I'm going gonna guess that you didn't tell him about the lake boy or didn't you? What sort of open relationship or not? Did you have met him?

00:23:43:10 - 00:23:49:15

Calinheart

No, I didn't end up ever telling him no. So if he ever listens to this now, he knows.

00:23:49:17 - 00:24:08:09

Luna

Okay, so you've lost your virginity. One might say twice. You've started having sex. Were you able to continue having sex with that boyfriend? Like, what else did it lead to in your explorations or sexual formation? Like, what did that early partner experience lead to as you were nearing and entering your 20s?

00:24:08:11 - 00:24:50:00

Calinheart

So we did continue to have sex until our relationship ended. And then I pretty much just hovered around for a while and, you know, got to know my body through like, experience, seeing other males and the different things that they bring to the table that they do or they don't do. And so that was kind of fun. I never really, I guess, because it wasn't ever brought up to me because like I said, we didn't talk directly about it as a family, so it was never brought up that touching yourself is a thing that you can do.

00:24:50:02 - 00:25:26:03

Calinheart

Touching yourself is something that's okay. And the fact that, you know, our doors were always open as I grew up, it was never like, oh, this is something I should do. It was, you know, we knew private parts are private to you and nobody else touches on them. So it wasn't anything I thought about until. And I went through my 20s and I was with other partners, and they gave me new experiences like, you know, being fingered and stuff like that.

00:25:26:03 - 00:25:59:13

Calinheart

And then I was like, oh, this is a thing. Oh, this is awesome. Oh, oh, I can do it to myself. Okay. Yeah. And so I actually, I actually have a very specific memory. When I moved out of my dad's. So my best friend gave me a dildo that she was gifted from one of the guys she was sleeping with, I guess, for her to use when she wasn't around or whatever, but she was just using another guy and so he gave it to her and she's like, I don't have any use for this and gave it to me.

00:25:59:16 - 00:26:21:12

Calinheart

She's like, well, it was during a time where I wasn't like, actually living. But she's like, oh, maybe you can use this. But I'm like, what do I do with it? I don't know what to do with it. So I put it under my mattress at the time. Well, at the time when I was moving out of my dad, my uncle came to help and I had forgotten that I put, yeah, put it under there.

00:26:21:17 - 00:26:32:01

Calinheart

Okay. And so he moved the mattress and there it was. And I had to like, grab it really fast and like, I threw it in a trash bag and I was like, I'm done with it.

00:26:32:03 - 00:26:35:16

Luna

Oh. So it never even got to fulfill its purpose?

00:26:35:18 - 00:26:40:01

Calinheart

No, as far as I know, it never got to fulfill its destiny.

00:26:40:03 - 00:26:48:15

Luna

Okay, okay. Did you ever start using toys or, like, do you use toys now? And do you touch yourself now? Like, when did when did we get there?

00:26:48:17 - 00:27:14:15

Calinheart

So when I met my son's father, was kind of. When I started putting it together. We had got together around my 26th birthday, and so he was the one that was like, touch yourself. Like he's behind me and doggy and he's like, rub your clit or clit. So he was kind of the one, and I was kind of like, why would I want to do that?

00:27:14:15 - 00:27:34:21

Calinheart

Like, that's your job. I'm like, I don't understand what where I don't like this wasn't explained really. Like, yeah, I was like, yeah, this is your vagina. And that's that. And it's not just that in here. You find out you get older and there's like a lot of people don't know this. I think I learned it from a different podcast or something.

00:27:34:21 - 00:27:39:08

Calinheart

But you don't have just a G-spot, but you have an eight spot.

00:27:39:10 - 00:28:01:04

Luna

Okay. We can talk about the names of this, but we can also say that it's just your clitoris is big, your clitoris is big, it's a zucchini. And so there's like spongy stuff all up inside. And every single book I read has like, different terminology and different, you know, and people say them. So like the guy who wrote She Comes First, Ian Kerner has a whole other name for it, too.

00:28:01:04 - 00:28:16:09

Luna

And like the G-spot, is misleading because it's more of a sponge and it's a whole bunch of nerve if the bunch of nerves. But yes, there's lots of good places to touch. Did you end up touching yourself when he told you? And is that the origin of you liking men who know what they want, telling you what to do?

00:28:16:11 - 00:28:18:06

Luna

Or did it start before them?

00:28:18:08 - 00:28:41:19

Calinheart

No, it didn't start there. I didn't really think anything of it. I think from that relationship is where I started with masturbating and stuff. Okay, but with a toy, because there was a long period of time, like three years, four years or something like that, where I really didn't sleep with anybody and I was like, but I'm still horny.

00:28:41:21 - 00:29:07:08

Calinheart

Yeah, and I need the release. So I guess from that relationship I felt more open to exploring, like, these are things that I can do. I don't need you to do them. I can do them for myself. And so that's really where it started. So circling back in this book, the boyfriend before was the one that bought me a toy.

00:29:07:10 - 00:29:20:18

Calinheart

The first person to buy me a toy was him, and so he would use it on me, I think. Yeah, I remember a few times where I made a video and I would send it to him of me using it on myself for him.

00:29:20:23 - 00:29:24:04

Luna

Okay, what kind of toy was it?

00:29:24:06 - 00:29:50:22

Calinheart

This horrible, awful pink toy? It was just straight and, you know, old school, like with the twist off bottom where you put the batteries in there, twist it. But it had these little heart impressions on them. It's hard to explain, but it was almost like instead of, like, ribbing. Yeah, necessarily. It was these heart shapes, but they were like heart.

00:29:51:03 - 00:30:18:21

Calinheart

That's what it felt like in my vagina. And so that's when I found out that I have to be more careful with the toys that I buy, because I am very small. There's only so far that I will expand. And it was very painful. So I didn't keep that toy for very long. Okay. And so that I guess probably influenced me a little bit to be standoffish about toys and stuff.

00:30:18:23 - 00:30:38:11

Calinheart

So I think that's why I kind of had that little bit of time between the two of them before I got with my son's dad, where he kind of was like, introduce me to, you know, this is, you know, rub your clit. This is, you know, you can do this and kind of, you know, was more gentle, you know, in a little more guiding.

00:30:38:11 - 00:30:57:23

Calinheart

He. Well, he was older too. So that makes the difference. Also, I think at least that's my experience that I've had is older men are more patient and willing to show you things. And, you know, if they want you to do something, you don't do it. They're just going to do it because they know how it's going to make you feel.

00:30:58:01 - 00:31:02:22

Luna

Okay, so lots of mentoring lovers. It sounds like you've had.

00:31:03:00 - 00:31:13:19

Calinheart

Yes, I think I've had some very good experiences with the majority of the males that I have had intimate relationships in that type of way with. Yes.

00:31:13:21 - 00:31:24:17

Luna

Amazing. Okay. I want to hear what happened with the partners after that. Kind of like 3 or 4 year spell where you were mostly toy focused. But I also want to hear, when did you know you were straight?

00:31:24:19 - 00:31:28:02

Calinheart

Probably since I was like six. Okay.

00:31:28:04 - 00:31:46:00

Luna

Take us to what happened next. So we've gotten through your teens. You started to have sex, you had some more sex in your 20s and started to learn about toys. And now you have people in your 30s like what happened next? Who were the next partners you were about to tell us about?

00:31:46:01 - 00:32:09:07

Calinheart

In my early 20s and mid 20s, I had a lot of bad partners and not mistakes, but twice I should have made better. And so after my son's dad, I was done. And yeah, I had my break and then I was just like, I'm ready, I'm ready now. And so I went through a bit of a whole phase.

00:32:09:09 - 00:32:13:05

Luna

Oh, phase 2.0.

00:32:13:06 - 00:32:38:13

Calinheart

I was like, you want to, I need it, let's do it. And so I didn't really like go out with any of them or whatever. It was pretty much like my, my son is with his dad. Here's my address. Come over. And of course, coincidentally, during that time, I found, like, I wasn't really into, like, wanting to have anybody, like, more than one.

00:32:38:15 - 00:32:57:15

Calinheart

I didn't want to get attached. I didn't like no, thank you, but there was one guy in there that I definitely slept with more than once. And then it kind of made me, like, chill. Like, maybe I do want to have a relationship. Maybe this is a thing that I want to do, but I don't necessarily want to do it with you.

00:32:57:19 - 00:33:30:07

Calinheart

But this might be something that I want to do. And so I started attempting to seriously date guys. I went out on a few dates. There were duds. It took me a while. I finally met someone and we started seeing each other and dating. I had a lot of fun sex with him. He was kind of the first guy that I really dated that like, had his own place and kind of had himself together like he was a little more dominant and I was kind of like, I like this.

00:33:30:07 - 00:33:48:03

Calinheart

He was the first person that I've kind of found out, like, oh, I like when you tell me what to do, just do it. But you're like, this is where I want you. This is what I want you to do kind of thing. And sharing together was very sexy. It was very sensual, like, you know, shopping him up.

00:33:48:03 - 00:34:10:00

Calinheart

He's helping me up, if I remember right. It was after we had had sex when we got in the shower. So it's like cleaning up together and, you know, waiting for the shit to dry and stuff like that. He only had one set of sheets, so we'd have sex and automatically strip the bed and throw it in the wash.

00:34:10:00 - 00:34:13:01

Calinheart

We had something to sleep on that night.

00:34:13:03 - 00:34:19:12

Luna

So it sounds like you have really messy sex. Why don't you tell us some details about what your body love?

00:34:19:14 - 00:34:47:09

Calinheart

I have found over the years? After exploring myself and men exploring me, that I come very easily. So a lot of things will make me come. And once I kind of get that initial burst out, that initial like support out like the more sensitive my body becomes.

00:34:47:11 - 00:34:55:20

Luna

Okay. So a lot of things make you come, and it sounds like it's a given that you have a first squirt. Give us some details, please.

00:34:55:22 - 00:35:11:03

Calinheart

I didn't know it was something that was on. I have had more than one partner. Tell me the next time they saw me after sleeping with them for like the first time, they were like. I went home and I googled. What was wrong with you?

00:35:11:05 - 00:35:32:09

Luna

What? Oh well sorry sorry, sorry. I heard the word odd and wrong with you. Are we talking about squirting? Because those words don't line up in my brain. Okay, okay. So you. So it sounds like you were dating some people who weren't particularly educated about the amazing things the female body can do. But I guess on the plus side, they're not fetishizing squirt, so there's that.

00:35:32:11 - 00:35:36:09

Luna

But like, I don't like the idea that there was something wrong with you.

00:35:36:11 - 00:35:51:12

Calinheart

That was what threw me off. And so that was my automatic response. I was like, what? What do you mean wrong with me? I didn't know there was anything wrong with me. This is just what my body's always done. It's never done anything out like this.

00:35:51:12 - 00:35:54:09

Luna

It is. It's something you always did.

00:35:54:11 - 00:35:55:10

Calinheart

Yeah.

00:35:55:12 - 00:36:12:05

Luna

Is it something that still happens? Like, even if you're masturbating? Or is it like it always happens? Yeah. First. Okay. And it sounds like you had a lot of early partners that didn't think anything of it and or like, neither praised it nor attacked it. Does that sound right?

00:36:12:07 - 00:36:12:15

Calinheart

Yes.

00:36:12:20 - 00:36:18:08

Luna

Okay. When was the first time you realized that not everybody squirt.

00:36:18:10 - 00:36:35:17

Calinheart

Had to have been about 28? I think he was the first guy that was like, I had to go home and I had to Google what was going on with you, like what was wrong. So that was the first guy that had brought it up to me and had said something like, this is different. This is not normal kind of thing.

00:36:35:22 - 00:36:53:13

Luna

What's your relationship to your squirting? Like, like, do you like it? Does it annoy you? That's messy. Does it like it sounds like. And I still I still have not forgotten that weird. Like continuing mid-sentence of like once I get the first squirt off. Like, you're going to fill in those details for us, but like, what's your relationship to your squirt?

00:36:53:15 - 00:37:24:02

Calinheart

So of course I hate that it's so messy because I have to have like an incredible amount of, like, blankets or towels or something like under me when I'm, like, masturbating or if I'm with a partner or I would have to literally like change my sheets every other day. I put multiple, so I don't like that it's messy, but the fact that Sheen guys look at it and enjoy it and try to work to get it to happen, like again and again and again, it excites me.

00:37:24:02 - 00:37:54:18

Calinheart

Which makes it happen more often because I'm like, oh, he really like the only thing I would say that bothers me about it. And I asked one of my partners this, and he didn't really ever answer it, but it's like, what do you see when you're watching it happen? Yeah, like when I send you a video when of me masturbating, whether it's fingers or my toy, and you see the squirt, is that what it looks like to you?

00:37:54:20 - 00:38:06:14

Calinheart

Like when it comes out? Like I want one of them and I haven't been able to get one to, like, have his phone on and, like, film it from his perspective.

00:38:06:16 - 00:38:15:00

Luna

So you love watching. That's great. Have you ever going to do it in front of a mirror or anything? Like it's not something you'd be into? Is it a different kind of watching?

00:38:15:02 - 00:38:41:17

Calinheart

Yeah, that is something I've definitely wanted to do. And I have brought up and it's just something that hasn't happened yet. Yes. Yet I have been in hotels where there aren't mirrors, but then by the time you're getting it, I'm not thinking about that. And then like mid way or partially in like changing positions or whatever, I'll catch the mirror and I'll be like, man, I really want to watch this and see it.

00:38:41:17 - 00:39:01:20

Calinheart

And are they being able to see it. Are they not. Because I watch it. And so it just never happened. Then I would get distracted because we're having awesome, amazing traction. I get very swept up. If you want to distract me from anything, just like a kiss my neck or nibble on it or, you know, just run your hand over my nipple or spank my ass or something.

00:39:01:20 - 00:39:09:11

Calinheart

Even, like, just the general is like pulling of the hair, like running your hands. And I'm like, oh, Okay.

00:39:09:11 - 00:39:18:03

Luna

Yeah, I get real stupid. The more turned on I get. Where does hair pulling come into this for you?

00:39:18:05 - 00:39:20:23

Calinheart

Every time, please. Like.

00:39:21:01 - 00:39:31:11

Luna

When did you discover it? And is it something that you let new partners do right away? Do you have a conversation about it? Do you let them know that it's something you like, or do you just wait for them to sort of do it?

00:39:31:13 - 00:39:46:10

Calinheart

I think I just dealt it one time, like during sex, I was just like, pull my hair. Like, I honestly don't remember when it started, but I definitely remember, like, telling partners like, shake my ass, pull my hair and stuff like that.

00:39:46:12 - 00:39:48:06

Luna

What type of hair pulling?

00:39:48:08 - 00:39:49:20

Calinheart

I didn't know there was different types.

00:39:49:20 - 00:40:10:08

Luna

So for me, the part that hurts the most. I don't have this problem right now, but long hair like if you are just pulling at the end of it, that can be super painful. If you're like grabbing up at the base, you have more of a grip and so it's a more kind of intense sensation. And then there, I've heard also are the people that like to pull either a single ponytail or a couple of braids.

00:40:10:10 - 00:40:18:03

Luna

So I'm sure there's more categories. Anyone out there who's a hair pulling connoisseur, you can let us know. But what what form does it take for you?

00:40:18:05 - 00:40:35:10

Calinheart

I've definitely never had anybody, like, pull the ends of my hair. I think that would be kind of irritating. Yeah, but being that I have an experience that I could change my mind. Like I'm that type of person of, I can't tell you if I like it, if I haven't experienced it.

00:40:35:11 - 00:40:36:21

Luna

Yeah, we don't know until I know.

00:40:36:23 - 00:40:59:06

Calinheart

I've come across so many guys that are bothered by how I approach sex sometimes because they're like, what do you like? What do you don't like? I'm like, I'll tell you when. Like, I think the worst question I hate is, what do you like? And it's like when you do something that I don't like, I'll let you know.

00:40:59:08 - 00:41:17:02

Luna

Interesting. I can see how that would be really scary as a partner, because when people say that to me, I'm like, oh, cool, so I'm supposed to traumatize you first and then you'll yell at me? And that's for me, like a scary thing I want to stay far away from. And I also feel the difficulty of that question, because when someone's like, what do you like?

00:41:17:04 - 00:41:29:03

Luna

Well, first of all, they definitely don't want to hear my whole answer because no one has ever, like, sat through that conversation or even initiated it. But I understand the difficulty on both sides. So how do you usually handle it?

00:41:29:05 - 00:41:55:00

Calinheart

I mean, I don't do this to everyone. It's mostly partners that I truly trust, and I know when I say red or I say stop or know that they'll automatically like, okay, that they've already kind of gotten to know things that trigger me, and then they'll just kind of push it a little bit further, but it just tickles me pink.

00:41:55:02 - 00:42:16:02

Calinheart

Like, watch my partner, like, twist my nipple and see how far they can, or pull my hair and see how far they can pull it or stuff like that, just to kind of get under their skin a little bit, like you think you're in my head, but I'm really in yours. Like I'm watching you. Like, how far is she going to let me take this?

00:42:16:04 - 00:42:22:10

Luna

So let's stay on those details. What other physical details does your body really love?

00:42:22:12 - 00:42:51:08

Calinheart

So I love like just having hand run over your body. And that's very sensual. And I enjoy that. I have experienced someone who. And I didn't know this was really a thing for a while, but he'll do really stuff. But not like to look soft, but just light, like grazes on my leg or somewhere. And then I'll. And he'll just like, slap me.

00:42:51:14 - 00:42:53:14

Luna

Who are we talking about here?

00:42:53:16 - 00:43:04:05

Calinheart

I guess I consider him a current partner. We don't see each other on a regular basis with somebody that I currently have intimate relationships with.

00:43:04:07 - 00:43:16:23

Luna

Okay, so sensual touch. Are these the touches that you mentioned can make you come? You said you come in a lot of different ways. Or is it like that like is it gentle sensuality that can make it happen or what makes you come?

00:43:17:01 - 00:43:43:09

Calinheart

Yes. That is one of the things I have to be more calm and like. I don't want to say I'm in some space because he's not like a Dom to me or anything, but it's like similar. I just don't know how to explain it. Like after coming a few times, I become more relaxed I guess, and I kind of get in the space.

00:43:43:09 - 00:44:05:03

Calinheart

And so any like little touch or even like his voice, if it's like deep enough, like that will set me off and like maybe wrestling because a lot of times we'll be in a park. So like just like wrestling or something like, oh my gosh, somebody is coming from, he's going to see this. Like that will set me off.

00:44:05:05 - 00:44:28:19

Calinheart

Being spanked really sets me off. So in general I'm just very easily I can come. I've come from making out with somebody like I was just so heated up he had like kept me from being able to kiss him. And then by the time we got in my home and in my bed, I was just like, I need a tissue.

00:44:28:19 - 00:44:43:15

Calinheart

And it just made me come. And he thought it was the greatest thing and he kept doing it. And so because he kept getting excited and enjoyed watching me get off on making out with him, then it made me do it more weight.

00:44:43:15 - 00:44:47:21

Luna

So you can literally just come from a makeout session.

00:44:47:23 - 00:44:51:02

Calinheart

If I have a deep enough connection with the person. Yeah.

00:44:51:04 - 00:45:12:16

Luna

Wow. When they're doing the light touches, when they're doing these caresses, is that turn on for you or does that like if someone's like, ooh, are you like, ooh. If you're a certain amount of turned on, like, does that make you come. Yeah. When did that start for you? And how on earth did it take you so long to masturbate if it's literally so easy?

00:45:12:18 - 00:45:38:14

Calinheart

Typically when I masturbate, I'm not really touching my body parts very much because it's so easy that I don't really need to. So I guess because of how I grew up where masturbation wasn't like explicitly talked about, and it wasn't like a thing that I knew about. I don't really remember it being a discussion and even sex ed, so it wasn't something on my mind that I was like, this is something you do.

00:45:38:20 - 00:45:40:18

Luna

Okay, so you don't masturbate?

00:45:40:20 - 00:45:42:16

Calinheart

Very seldomly. Okay.

00:45:42:18 - 00:45:49:07

Luna

Tell us what else deeply satisfies you. What else about your sex life, your sexual self do we need to know?

00:45:49:09 - 00:46:13:19

Calinheart

Like I said, I'm easy to come. I can come obviously multiple ways, but I can also come from clitoral stimulation and from vaginal stimulation. And if you want to give me the ultimate experience, if you're like done, done, or you just are one of those guys that likes to make somebody cum, then do both of them at the same time.

00:46:13:19 - 00:46:28:03

Calinheart

For me, that is what really brings me the ultimate like satisfaction and pleasure and joy is like doing them both together.

00:46:28:05 - 00:46:39:00

Luna

Okay, so we know what your body loves. We've heard about some partners. What about places that you've had sex in? Was the lake the only interesting one, or are there more places we need to know about?

00:46:39:02 - 00:47:14:13

Calinheart

I definitely had a lot of experiences in having public sex, and of course it's very exciting the possibility of getting caught and not knowing, like who's coming up the way. And I actually have one experience where we were in a car and these motorcyclist came up. So it was next to a park. So we were going to get out and go to the park and smoke a joint and probably continue the different like fingering and stuff that we were doing.

00:47:14:15 - 00:47:35:04

Calinheart

But these two motorcyclists came like right up on my bumper, and I was at the point where I wanted to get out and be like, look, if you're not going to come help make me come, then leave, because you're ruining like. And finally they left. We went into the park and he surprised me. The partner I was with.

00:47:35:07 - 00:48:00:10

Calinheart

He bent me over the picnic table and just started, like, spanking me and the back of my thighs and stuff. And I was coming so much and so hard that I could feel my cum go down my leg and the rest of it that wasn't splashing on the cement and then back onto my feet because I was going to block, oh my God.

00:48:00:15 - 00:48:23:20

Calinheart

So after he decided that he had enough, maybe probably because his shoes or pants might have been getting wet as well. He was like, let's smoke a joint. And I was smart. I thought I had somebody I've been with multiple times. I brought a blanket. Okay, so I had the blanket in my hand, and that's why he surprised me when he pushed me on the table.

00:48:23:20 - 00:48:47:06

Calinheart

But I think I put the blanket on the seat on the picnic table seat. I sat down on that. We smoked a joint and I don't remember what prompted him, but he said something and my response was along the lines of you haven't touched my clit because he legitimately had not touched my clit at this point in the night, even though I was already coming in the car.

00:48:47:12 - 00:49:11:23

Calinheart

She had not touched my clit at this point, so he had made me come in all these other different ways before even doing that. And he just like instinctively it was like, do you want me to? And so after just all that spanking, then he finger fucked me and made me come even more amazing. We have a parking lot that we do it in a lot.

00:49:12:00 - 00:49:22:02

Calinheart

A couple of different parking lots too. I've done a blowjob in the parking lot next to my work on my lunch break one time.

00:49:22:04 - 00:49:23:21

Luna

I love it, I love it.

00:49:23:23 - 00:49:45:00

Calinheart

I've done it in open fields. I was living back in Georgia. I worked, it was a coworker, and she was like, I really want to see this guy. But I can only see him if he has somebody for me to set up with his friend. And I'm like, yeah, whatever. I'm I'm not seeing anybody else for sure, but let's go for it.

00:49:45:02 - 00:49:47:08

Luna

Sounds like me. Okay.

00:49:47:10 - 00:49:52:18

Calinheart

Yeah. I'm like, I'll take one for the team for you. I will see how this goes.

00:49:52:19 - 00:49:55:14

Luna

Wait, but how did that get you to a field?

00:49:55:16 - 00:50:19:21

Calinheart

Because that's where we met. So she picked me up and we went and met these guys in this open field. But, you know, it's totally things that happen in Georgia. You know, there's plenty of open spaces. And so they took off in her car and went somewhere else because she wasn't one of those types of people that wanted to know where she or whatever.

00:50:19:21 - 00:50:44:09

Calinheart

And so the guy that I got with, he just bent me over the like, truck floorboard. So there's that. When I've had sex in my best friend's bed with her permission. Nice. Something we haven't touched on that just popped to my mind is I have had sex with married men, with the wife knowing and without the wife knowing.

00:50:44:11 - 00:50:48:00

Calinheart

And I have fun experiences of the wife knowing.

00:50:48:02 - 00:50:50:15

Luna

Where she there with it? Yeah. What do you want to tell us?

00:50:50:17 - 00:51:11:10

Calinheart

Yeah. She was she's actually the one that encouraged it. So the first few times at him and I had sex was in there, but. And then she told me to say had oh God, I don't they had a bunch of kids. And so she was like, you are too loud. You guys can't do it either. You have to be more quiet or you can't do it in the bedroom anymore.

00:51:11:10 - 00:51:32:12

Calinheart

I don't want the kids waking up and seeing this. So we would start doing it downstairs and I would catch her or like her shadow or something. She'd, like, sit on the stairs and peek around the corner. They had an upstairs in the downstairs, so all the bedrooms are upstairs. And so the first few times when him and I would, we had sex, we were upstairs in their bedroom.

00:51:32:12 - 00:51:48:04

Calinheart

So right next to like, where all the kids bedrooms were. And it was after work and we worked until like 11 p.m.. So kids were definitely asleep then. So her fear was that as loud as I was being that the kids would wake up and she. Daddy was not mommy.

00:51:48:09 - 00:51:49:01

Luna

Yeah.

00:51:49:03 - 00:52:13:04

Calinheart

And they weren't being open with their kids about this, you know. Yeah. And later time and it actually became more convenient. We had sex in like, their family room, like when you walked in their apartment, there was like a living room ish. And then, like, around the corner, if I remember, there was, like, a fireplace, and it was like another, like, additional, like family room or like, living.

00:52:13:04 - 00:52:24:00

Luna

Okay, so open enough that there could be a wife shadow kind of spooking around, but close enough that you're not worried about kiddos coming and walking in on you? Hopefully.

00:52:24:02 - 00:52:37:10

Calinheart

Yeah, there wasn't a couch or anything, so we were just on the floor, but there was a wall. But she could like if she positioned herself just right on the stairs, then she could. Yes. And watch it so she would watch it and enjoy it.

00:52:37:15 - 00:52:39:19

Luna

What was the hardest part about that for you?

00:52:39:21 - 00:52:58:19

Calinheart

It actually ended up coming to be her watching TV. Like to watch it. And I like to hear that she like to watch it. Yeah, I think this is my biggest, like trigger or like excitement. It's like knowing that somebody else is getting excited. Yeah, about what I'm doing or what someone is doing to me.

00:52:58:22 - 00:53:07:00

Luna

And it sounds like you really like to hear it and know about it too, but it also sounds like you like to get touched in all sorts of ways. Like, I think you have a lot of turn on.

00:53:07:00 - 00:53:16:18

Calinheart

So yes, I definitely do, and I'm totally looking forward to finding out if I have any more with any other future partners that I'll have.

00:53:16:20 - 00:53:36:14

Luna

I want to circle back to you talked about a blowjob in the parking lot at work before we started recording. You were telling me that at work you have a very specific type of open relationship with a lot of your work friends when it comes to talking about sex. Maybe, like, do you guys share sex at work story like her sex stories at work?

00:53:36:16 - 00:54:08:08

Calinheart

I absolutely do. I definitely get to know somebody because I have a very open and unique personality if nobody's really. And so I definitely take my time to like that person and be like, is this somebody that is not going to, like, tattle on me? They're not going to run H.R. like, I don't talk with all of the people, but I do have a few specific people that I talk to that like, well, what happened this weekend?

00:54:08:13 - 00:54:26:19

Calinheart

And I'm like, once something happened and I'm like, oh my God, I can't wait to tell them. And so, like the one thing that makes it fun to, like, go to work, like, especially after my weekend, I'm like, oh my God, I have to tell them this great story. And another and one of them, she only comes in.

00:54:26:21 - 00:54:48:03

Calinheart

I only fear for half the week. So my first half the week she's off in the second half is when I. So it's like all this built up like anxiety and anxiousness of oh my God, it's the day she's going to be here, and now she's going to ask and I can tell her. And it's been a unique process with her because she's been kind of sheltered in her sexual life.

00:54:48:09 - 00:55:07:23

Calinheart

And so she's kind of living through me, and I'm kind of like broadening her thoughts to different experiences and stuff like that. And just the fact that she's become more open and she's more excited about what did you do with this guy and which guy did you see, and show me a picture and that kind of stuff. I'm like, I don't know.

00:55:08:00 - 00:55:26:10

Calinheart

It just it excites me, like, talk about it. I'm just so quirky like that. I'm like, oh, this is so great. So it's nice to be able to be because I come home and there's nobody at home that I really want to talk to or I'm not able to talk to, or I don't want to be that open with my son and my roommates.

00:55:26:11 - 00:55:31:08

Calinheart

So it's like I get to like, be an adult and talk about the don't things totally.

00:55:31:08 - 00:55:46:20

Luna

See, it's very important to have trusted friends and people that we can share sex stories with. I would like to hear now, what are your sexual hopes for yourself going forward, whether it's fantasies or more broadly, like what does Kellin hurt want for her sexy self in the future?

00:55:46:22 - 00:56:33:18

Calinheart

I would honestly like to find some body that I can have a relationship like an intimate, monogamous relationship with, but that we're open to having an open relationship in the future if there's something that we agree on. Yeah. So I'm getting to the acceptance of my last breakup and realizing I need to get off there, that I want to be monogamous and I want to potentially have more kids, and I want to find that person and my entire life I've honestly felt like and I actually recently heard one of your podcast where you brought this up and something that you feel like, is that good luck, Chuck.

00:56:33:18 - 00:57:01:02

Calinheart

Person, where it seems like every time I've had sex with somebody, the next person that they get with is their life partner. Yeah. But recently I found out maybe I'm not so lucky as I thought I was one of the guys that I had slept with about nine years ago, 8 or 9 years ago. He recently found me on Facebook again and got in contact and let me know that he is the force.

00:57:01:04 - 00:57:17:20

Luna

Oh oh the luck. The luck is just for the marriage part. Divorces happen. Wait, so was he, like hitting you up again, or was he just, like, letting you know? Okay. Three months. Seems like you've kind a different kind of luck.

00:57:17:22 - 00:57:51:18

Calinheart

Yeah, we definitely slept together recently. Since then, after connecting again. So that's been an interesting new level to my sexual experience of sleeping with somebody from like almost a decade ago, just, you know, from sleeping with the person they were then. Time does make the experience better. Okay. He definitely last a lot longer. He was more concerned about if I am coming.

00:57:51:20 - 00:58:15:05

Calinheart

He was less shy. He was more open. Like immediately I told my best friend, I was like, ooh, this boy, he got a dirty mark on him. Now, he had told me in one of our messages, in our conversations during one of the days that he masturbated at work because he's like, got so much sexual tension that he has to let it go, you know, a few times a day.

00:58:15:07 - 00:58:38:12

Calinheart

But I would send him, like, pictures, like enticing pictures, nude pictures, videos or whatever. While he's at work. And then if I see him potentially open it or something, or I, like, get in contact because I haven't heard from him in like three hours or whatever, I'm like, hey, how do you like that? Or whatever? You know, I want a little something like, give me a thumbs up, a heart, anything.

00:58:38:14 - 00:58:57:05

Calinheart

And so I'll kid with him. I'll be like, oh, did you, did you show everybody on the camera? Did you like that? Did you like, get a hard on this? And so that brought up the conversation of him saying, you know, if I was a supervisor and I was the one that was watching the videos, I would like to see somebody jacking off, like on the camera, like that would be cool or whatever.

00:58:57:06 - 00:59:17:13

Calinheart

So I'm like, this is something I never would have thought of, ever. Come out of your mouth like a dick for like, time has definitely. You definitely make me more wet just from not having sex more than you did in the past. Fuck yeah.

00:59:17:15 - 00:59:27:01

Luna

Okay, speaking of the past, if you could go back in time and give younger you a piece of sex advice, what age or ages would you pick and what would you say?

00:59:27:03 - 00:59:59:18

Calinheart

Honestly, knowing what I know now, even though I have such a complicated history with masturbation, I still honestly think that I would want to go back and be like, it's okay to do it. This is the thing. This is how we do it. It's okay. Instead of trying to like, get guy after guy, how about just take care of yourself and not, you know, have a crush on every thing that you think is hot that walks by.

00:59:59:20 - 01:00:22:12

Calinheart

Like, because it just made me. I think in my younger ages, it just kind of brought me down a little bit because I never felt like anybody thought I was cute or good looking or wanting to, you know, do stuff with me. Especially when, like in my formative like years of when I was like 12 and 13 or 14 and stuff when I wasn't really dating yet, but I was having crushes.

01:00:22:14 - 01:00:43:23

Calinheart

But it's not necessarily like they really knew it or the ones that knew it. Like my guy friends that I talked about always had different. If I would kind of like cross the bridge a little bit, they would not be interested. So maybe if I was more like, hey, just because they're not into you doesn't mean nobody's into you.

01:00:44:00 - 01:01:04:11

Calinheart

Like you're going to find the people that are into you. In the meantime, you can love yourself. Yeah, I think that would have really helped me along my young journey, and I wouldn't have felt so dejected, I guess in my own mind. Yeah, it was mostly all in my own mind, which I think happens to a lot of.

01:01:04:11 - 01:01:22:10

Luna

All of us. But our perception is our reality, and we don't necessarily always know the difference of something that's just inside of us versus outside of it. Like it's as we get older, maybe we start to figure it out. Hopefully hurt. Thank you so much for being a guest on Sex Stories.

01:01:22:12 - 01:01:24:04

Calinheart

Thank you for having me.

01:01:24:06 - 01:01:26:20

Luna

Do you have a sex question you want to ask me?

01:01:26:22 - 01:01:34:16

Calinheart

I would like to know what the difference is if there is between a brothel, a dungeon, and like a swingers party.