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46 bisexual white female, mom of three, has no relationship status, braving the dating world, Midwest-based.

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00:00:00:03 - 00:00:18:22

Luna

Our guest today is a 46 year old white Midwestern mom of three who has no relationship status. She is into kissing and making out, dressing up in lingerie, giving blowjobs, squirting. She requires pussy licking and a recently tried unicorn for the first time. A cake decorator from Wisconsin. Welcome, Nicole.

00:00:19:00 - 00:00:21:03

Nicole

Hi. Hey.

00:00:21:05 - 00:00:29:09

Luna

Can you tell our listeners if you had to rate yourself today on a sexual shame, a meter with ten being the most full of shame and one being not to shame me. Where do you fall.

00:00:29:11 - 00:00:50:11

Nicole

In this moment? Oh, on around my kids it goes way up. I guess I would probably be like a 6 or 7, because I just feel like that's one of those things where you're not sure if it's appropriate or inappropriate, or what line you want to cross. And with their ages, it kind of changes, like at work or public or whatever.

00:00:50:11 - 00:00:57:18

Nicole

I probably I'm like a 3 or 4 because I just don't put all of that out there for everybody to know. Okay.

00:00:57:20 - 00:01:00:01

Luna

So is it lower then also with partners?

00:01:00:03 - 00:01:01:16

Nicole

Definitely. Yeah.

00:01:01:18 - 00:01:07:15

Luna

Where do you get the ideas about how much to share with your kids at a given moment? Like how do you navigate that?

00:01:07:17 - 00:01:33:18

Nicole

Oh, I guess it depends on. Most of the time it'll be something that they say to me or me knowing that they're comfortable enough to say something to me because things have come up, you know, more serious or things have come up in a joking manner, or like my daughter's talking about throat coat. The other day and I'm like, oh, what is this and what?

00:01:33:18 - 00:01:39:20

Nicole

And they're telling me this and they're comfortable. I'm like, okay, well, I know what that is. I just don't know all these new names.

00:01:39:22 - 00:01:43:17

Luna

Wait, I don't know what throat Coat is. Is that a deep throat?

00:01:43:19 - 00:01:56:06

Nicole

It's like mom, when you use like, don't you use your hands when you give a blowjob? I'm like, I don't believe it, but you're asking your mom. I would never ask my mom that.

00:01:56:11 - 00:02:02:09

Luna

I also haven't asked my mom that. Although my mom has started to, like, make comments like she and my dad the other night were like.

00:02:02:11 - 00:02:03:05

Nicole

Oh, what.

00:02:03:05 - 00:02:11:01

Luna

Is that, a sound of a vibrator? Of course, if mom had a vibrator, it would be just for her back. Did you respond to the question about the blowjob?

00:02:11:03 - 00:02:22:11

Nicole

I don't think that I did, because I just feel like I just as much as I would like to conversate, you know, whatever. But I'm like, with my kids. It's so weird. I'm getting.

00:02:22:12 - 00:02:35:14

Luna

Well. Also, when it's not established for me with my family, I was like, this is a new protocol and I don't know what they expect from me. And also every time I do talk about sex with them, they look very uncomfortable, so I stop. I don't know, what do you know?

00:02:35:16 - 00:02:49:16

Nicole

I know, and that that's the thing. Because I never was brought up like that. Yeah. Nobody ever said anything. And I'm very much more open with my kids. But jeez, when it comes to some stuff just like, oh, my God, I can't do totally.

00:02:49:18 - 00:02:55:06

Luna

Okay, can you give us a little overview snapshot of what your sex life is like right now and what your favorite parts are?

00:02:55:08 - 00:03:19:10

Nicole

It's just become a random because I'll be dating, you know, 1 or 2 guys and then it, you know, I might see them once a week or something and just the timing and everything. And then I look at it and I'm like, okay, I could go on dates with five different guys and have sex with five different guys.

00:03:19:12 - 00:03:32:15

Nicole

But I at this point in my life, I don't want to be doing that anymore. But I'm like, okay, well, something's open or whatever. That's kind of just the way it is and it's very unpredictable. Yeah.

00:03:32:17 - 00:03:51:11

Luna

I can really relate to that. My experience in that sort of relational pattern is it turns into multiple people kind of spread out, and then it's sort of this weird casual thing. And that's easier sometimes for me to access than a consistent thing. And figuring out what it is with a person. Is that the type of experience you've been having, or is yours different?

00:03:51:13 - 00:04:03:06

Nicole

Yeah. No, it is like that. I have had a casual relationship and then a period of time goes by and then it picks up into being something more serious. Okay.

00:04:03:08 - 00:04:12:03

Luna

For the sake of practicing speaking our desires aloud. What would your ideal sex life and your relationship life look like right now?

00:04:12:05 - 00:04:40:20

Nicole

Sex life would have to be very comfortable and spontaneous and fun and just doing whatever I wanted with the same person that was wanting the same thing. Yeah, nothing like too too serious. Or I want to be open with somebody and be able to be and do everything that I want to do without feeling any judgment or any.

00:04:41:01 - 00:05:07:17

Nicole

Anyway, I just want to be like, super comfortable and super just like what? I guess what? I think that I've always wanted. But then if I had to put it on paper, I guess I can't. It's like one of those things, okay, but just being fun and and not having to worry about who how many other people are they hooking up with on the side and not telling me about?

00:05:07:19 - 00:05:11:11

Nicole

And, you know, all of that dynamic, I guess.

00:05:11:13 - 00:05:28:10

Luna

In your perfect world, what would the balance between like? Well, okay, I guess you said putting stuff on paper is hard, but say you had a bucket list of like, here's the sexy things I want to do. Would you like your partner to initiate, or do you like to initiate those things more, or what sort of balance do like there.

00:05:28:12 - 00:05:51:13

Nicole

That's an interesting question because I think that I would like to initiate. But no, I will always want my partner to initiate. But I'm very open with saying like what I would like to do or what I'm open to and everything. Yeah, I guess it's more so. Are you listening to what I am wanting and needing and then what are you going to do about it?

00:05:51:15 - 00:06:11:07

Luna

Exactly, yeah. It's like, are you listening? Do you also want this? If I'm brave enough to go first and reveal my desire to me, the like, clear? Fuck yes. Is either you, like, talk to me about scheduling it or making it realistic requires that. Or then we just go ahead and take the next step. Okay, so now tell us.

00:06:11:09 - 00:06:31:14

Nicole

What is sexy to you today. I had a revelation. I'm like, I really think a man that can be vulnerable is very sexy. Being close and intimate with somebody and being vulnerable in that situation as a man is so sexy. Yeah.

00:06:31:16 - 00:06:40:11

Luna

Do you have a time from the past when a partner was open and vulnerable with you in a way that was super hot to you to give a specific.

00:06:40:13 - 00:07:08:17

Nicole

Being 46 and men that are on the same age, they get really like self-conscious about things. And I guess recently, you know, I was with somebody around same age and he was just like, I'm sorry. You know, my body isn't perfect or, you know, great. And like, neither is mine. I don't care. Like, obviously I've had three kids and gravity takes over like a bitch.

00:07:08:18 - 00:07:12:05

Nicole

And it's like, I don't like everyone listening.

00:07:12:05 - 00:07:13:04

Luna

If you're not watching, you do.

00:07:13:09 - 00:07:25:06

Nicole

She looks great. Okay. But I think guys are so self-conscious about that stuff. And he was like, I'm sorry. Like that. No, you're like, you're good. Don't be like that. Yeah.

00:07:25:08 - 00:07:27:21

Luna

Can you tell us when you feel sexiest?

00:07:27:23 - 00:07:55:08

Nicole

I really feel sexy when I am very comfortable. First of all, I like to be really comfortable with that person. And if I'm wearing, like, some nice lingerie and some heels and maybe have it on underneath my outfit of what I'm wearing out and you know, whatever, and knowing that that's under there. I love it. I love like lacy bra and panties and stuff like that.

00:07:55:08 - 00:07:58:13

Nicole

It makes you feel so good even if nobody at all sees it. Yeah.

00:07:58:13 - 00:08:14:14

Luna

Fuck yeah. I really want to get some new nice lingerie. I haven't actually purchased anything that was like, I don't know, some Amazon things, but, like, I haven't gotten anything in quite a while. It was like, really sexy feeling. So I feel you there. Do you have a favorite, like, brand or anything or favorite set that you like to wear?

00:08:14:16 - 00:08:31:07

Nicole

Not necessarily. I think I always like it's either like lace or fishnet and those are like my things because fishnet especially, it's stretchy and all the right place and I can't always fit everything in there. Oh yeah, it's the other ones.

00:08:31:09 - 00:08:36:11

Luna

Love it. Okay, now tell us what counts as sex for you.

00:08:36:12 - 00:08:44:22

Nicole

This is, I think, one of your hardest questions, because I literally still in my head, sex is just penetration.

00:08:45:00 - 00:09:05:01

Luna

Me too. I just ask this because I can't tell what other people mean. And like these questions. Also, I sometimes have different answers on every day. So like they're not test questions, but like I think of it as penetration too. Now, did you ever get an explicit health and safety talk, or a lesson in consent from an adult that you trusted growing up?

00:09:05:03 - 00:09:06:03

Nicole

No.

00:09:06:05 - 00:09:07:20

Luna

What about sex ed in school?

00:09:07:22 - 00:09:35:12

Nicole

We had sex ed in school. Had to in fourth grade. I think it was, you know, with the gym teacher and pretty basic, nothing super exciting. But because of that actually transpired into like a different part of my upbringing and stuff and because they always had the question marks or whatever that you could put like something in there and I don't know, gosh, fourth grade, what do you like eight, nine, whatever.

00:09:35:13 - 00:09:59:00

Nicole

And I put something in there about my, my boy cousin that was like touching me. And I guess I didn't realize you're not supposed to put your name on there, but, you know, obviously I did. And then that turned into a whole thing of, you know, with my family and stuff. So I had a boy cousin. I was 8 or 9, and he would have been like 11 probably.

00:09:59:00 - 00:10:20:04

Nicole

And he would pull me into the rooms and other rooms and by ourselves and touch me and, you know, just like say dirty things to me and whatever. And that happened for years. I think it was like, you know, 2 or 3 years as much as I know before I even said anything to my teacher, I guess.

00:10:20:06 - 00:10:39:17

Luna

So you went from having no information in your family, in your home life about sex, and then this experience with your cousin. And then when you did finally gather up the courage to ask a curious question about this thing that you were experiencing. What happened? Like what? What did they.

00:10:39:19 - 00:10:40:05

Nicole

Do?

00:10:40:06 - 00:10:42:05

Luna

It sounds like there was a big thing, but like what?

00:10:42:05 - 00:11:09:05

Nicole

What was the what? It was, but it wasn't okay. Which is like one of those things of now that I think of it, I'm like, gosh, I was just I had no idea of anything. You know, you don't. Whenever I didn't know what to make of it. And then I was like, okay, well, now I told my teacher, of course I thought I was going to be in trouble, you know, and then my parents were brought in and I, you know, all of that.

00:11:09:05 - 00:11:43:20

Nicole

But I guess long story short, nothing was done. It got brushed under the rug. I went to therapy, which I'm sure helped somewhat, but I don't think it was really approached in the right manner because my parents were I don't remember them being at all empathetic or protect thing of me in that situation. Not that they didn't do anything, it was just pressure under the rug because it was my cousin and I still had to see them, still have to see them.

00:11:43:22 - 00:12:10:15

Nicole

Nothing's ever been done. And later in his life, he did end up serving some time for sex with minors. I mean, it's kind of nothing was ever done. And one of those things where I think nothing was ever done and that's and that's yeah, inappropriately. But I have definitely been I'm okay with it. Like, yeah, that all happened, you know, whatever.

00:12:10:17 - 00:12:24:12

Nicole

But you know, there's like things in your head that sometimes you're like, why didn't my parents protect me? Or why I was still spending family time with him? Yeah. Wow.

00:12:24:14 - 00:12:35:00

Luna

Is there anything you would like to say about that experience? Maybe even, like, way after the fact? It sounds like you are okay with it, as you said, but was there anything else that you took to get there? Because it sounds like your therapy maybe.

00:12:35:00 - 00:12:35:22

Nicole

Wasn't.

00:12:36:00 - 00:12:37:15

Luna

Everything you need it to be?

00:12:37:17 - 00:13:02:04

Nicole

I guess it really has been one of those things with my kids that I've always been like, very aware and made them aware of, you know, could be a friend, it could be a family member, it could be anybody. That's never okay. So I've just always been open with them about that kind of stuff because heaven forbid that would ever happen to them.

00:13:02:06 - 00:13:07:12

Nicole

Yeah. So I think that's probably the biggest thing with that. Yeah.

00:13:07:14 - 00:13:30:00

Luna

And that's what we can do actively to end cycles of violence. That's kind of the only thing we can do is talk about, well, not the only thing that is one thing that's in our power to do as an adult. Can you give us an example of a time that you set a very clear yes to a partner, or had a partner say yes to you in a way that ended up leading to a very sexy situation?

00:13:30:02 - 00:13:55:10

Nicole

Yeah. I've had a friend that's been close for, you know, some time, and it was a male friend and just, you know, you always kind of feel that like attraction and, you know, whatever and would text sometimes and it would be really sexting conversation. And then over the years it just has transpired into more and more. And finally one I was just like, yeah, we're going to have sex.

00:13:55:10 - 00:14:12:18

Nicole

We're going to, you know, this is this is the end. And it's like, that was so great because it had been that transgression over years and years. And then finally and it's like, it's great. Amazing. Who initiated it. And it was very mutual. Very cool. Yeah.

00:14:12:20 - 00:14:19:16

Luna

Okay. Now tell us what happens to your shame a meter when it is time to talk to a partner about safer sex?

00:14:19:18 - 00:15:02:12

Nicole

Well, I definitely have a hard time with it, because about ten years ago, I found out I had herpes from somebody that was not honest with me. And it was a terrible one night stand. And I don't want to put anybody else in that situation. So it's very, very difficult. It's so difficult to have that conversation. But it's like once you rip the Band-Aid off, it's just so much better, of course, because as much of a difficult conversation as it is, I'm so, so adamant about talking about it because I never wanted to put anyone else in that situation that I was put them.

00:15:02:13 - 00:15:05:04

Nicole

I have no choice now. I have it forever.

00:15:05:06 - 00:15:16:23

Luna

I feel you, you know that I am in the exact same position, and I would love if you could tell us the parts that feel the most difficult. And if any of that has changed for you over the last decade.

00:15:17:00 - 00:15:47:11

Nicole

Well, I think because there's such a stigma around STIs or diseases, I guess there's such a stigma around it and it's so difficult because you feel like who's going to be like, oh yeah, I want to have sex with you. You have herpes. But I am amazed at how many men I have come across. Men and women, I should say, that are like, okay, like and blah blah, blah, like, how do we move on and how do we do this?

00:15:47:13 - 00:16:09:20

Nicole

Yeah, very surprising to me. I am 100% vulnerable and open to somebody at that point. And I really, really, really prolong that conversation as long as I feel I need to, because I want to make sure that you're somebody that I'm open to, even getting to that place, it actually makes me stop and think a little bit more.

00:16:09:21 - 00:16:11:03

Nicole

00:16:11:08 - 00:16:29:08

Luna

I kind of love that and wish I could say the same, but I've been kind of on the other end of the spectrum, I'm like I'll filter them out fast. I've only had a couple people be weird about it and weirdly enough get weird about it. Like after were like, okay, yeah, let's do some stuff. And then they yeah, he's out.

00:16:29:10 - 00:16:31:00

Luna

So that's that's the weirdest. But for the.

00:16:31:00 - 00:16:39:06

Nicole

Most think about it then they're not thinking with their dick anymore. They're thinking about it with their brain. Yeah. But then that's not fair.

00:16:39:07 - 00:16:50:01

Luna

Well it's a mind fuck. And it's also why I am practicing slowing down but really resentful of this sort of like, okay, so I have to like.

00:16:50:03 - 00:16:50:20

Nicole

Rethink.

00:16:50:22 - 00:16:55:14

Luna

Everything. Yeah. And like, I have to go slow. I have to do all the pacing. I have to. Okay, okay, okay.

00:16:55:16 - 00:16:56:00

Nicole

Yeah.

00:16:56:04 - 00:17:12:15

Luna

You know, and I will say I've only had a couple people be weird about it in the couple handful of people who I've talked to since since I got it and I've, I've really been dropping it early and really framing it in the hey, I like to talk about health and safety and be really clear about it, because here's what happened to me.

00:17:12:15 - 00:17:40:19

Luna

And I never want anyone else to be that same way. And I also want to make sure that I'm with someone who's super comfortable talking about it, because I have only gotten STIs, and I've gotten a couple from people who I had multiple health and safety conversations with. Now, I do ask for test results that I started doing recently, and I've been getting weirder responses for that, which I'm like, if you just told me that you got a recent negative test, it shouldn't be hard to show it to me.

00:17:40:19 - 00:17:42:05

Luna

I don't know, right? You know? So.

00:17:42:09 - 00:18:03:21

Nicole

Right. Because I find it's hard that for anyone, to be honest, when you're like, come on, let's let's just think about this and, and, you know, I will be honest and say I don't always have like an in-depth conversation. I feel like I'm mostly like, hey, here's my deal, you know? And it's like, well, why the fuck am I not asking them?

00:18:03:21 - 00:18:09:05

Nicole

I'm like, okay, and what about you? Yeah, I feel like no matter what, they be lying.

00:18:09:07 - 00:18:10:14

Luna

Oh, interesting.

00:18:10:20 - 00:18:34:02

Nicole

Because I also recently want somebody that I am currently seeing and I have the conversation with them. And I said, listen, you know, here's the deal. I have herpes. He's like, oh, I do too. I wouldn't have told you beforehand or I normally don't tell other people. I'm like, what? Well, that's.

00:18:34:02 - 00:18:35:10

Luna

Bonkers, man.

00:18:35:13 - 00:18:40:09

Nicole

It's crazy to me. And that's why we have so many issues.

00:18:40:15 - 00:18:45:16

Luna

So in your perfect world, how would this conversation go?

00:18:45:18 - 00:19:10:18

Nicole

I would think it would be more of the male bringing him up first and being responsible and mindful and, you know, thoughtful of that ahead of time and saying, like, you know, here's whatever, you know, I've been tested or I guess, however you would say it. Yeah. And I would have to be honest. But still, it's like, I feel like it can't be perfect.

00:19:10:19 - 00:19:30:07

Luna

I am waiting for the day that a partner comes up to me and says, hey, I think you're really sexy and I would like to have sex with you. And I want to make sure that we're safe about it. So I get tested every however often they get tested. And here's what my partner landscape looks like. And so here's sort of the risk profiles that we're dealing with.

00:19:30:07 - 00:19:45:02

Luna

And by the way, I was tested on this date. And here are my results. What's your status. Is there anything that I need to know so that we can play safely. And would you feel comfortable sharing your test results, or would you like to go on a second date to get tested together? Like that's what I'm waiting for?

00:19:45:02 - 00:19:52:00

Luna

That person is a person I want to bang everyone else. I'm like, cool, cool, cool. Am I going to get something from you? You know, haven't. And like.

00:19:52:01 - 00:20:13:00

Nicole

Right. And I guess, you know, in a perfect world, I guess it would be being 100% honest, because really? Don't tell me you're not seeing anybody else. I know you're seeing other people. You're playing the game. I'm playing the game, too. Like I know what you're doing. So just be honest with me so I can make the decision on my own.

00:20:13:02 - 00:20:16:18

Nicole

Yeah. As to if it's worth it or not. Yeah.

00:20:16:19 - 00:20:35:14

Luna

And I will say I the partner that gave me herpes, I had two separate conversations and said, and if you start seeing anyone else, especially if you have unprotected sex, please let me know before we fucked, like please let me know. And I checked in each time and that person says he didn't understand that conversation that we had twice.

00:20:35:16 - 00:20:40:09

Luna

It sounds like you've had a lot of partners not be honest with you. Is that something that's come up for you?

00:20:40:09 - 00:20:43:15

Nicole

Oh, yeah. Okay. It's very disappointing.

00:20:43:17 - 00:20:48:05

Luna

Are you monogamous or polyamorous or. Dude, or like, are you casually dating? How do you identify?

00:20:48:05 - 00:20:50:13

Nicole

They're casually dating I guess.

00:20:50:15 - 00:20:52:07

Luna

Like aiming for monogamy.

00:20:52:09 - 00:21:07:10

Nicole

Yeah. I mean, I would like that. I mean, if somebody that I live with maybe three days out of the week. Yeah. You know, as long as there's a really good trust in it and we don't need to live together because I don't like people enough.

00:21:07:15 - 00:21:09:22

Luna

I really like my space.

00:21:10:00 - 00:21:14:04

Nicole

Right? I don't even like to have my kids live with me.

00:21:14:06 - 00:21:28:12

Luna

Okay, so now take us back to your younger years. We've heard a little bit about some of the stuff that wasn't ideal. Was there anything before that, like, was that your first memory of sex? What was your first consensual memory of sex?

00:21:28:14 - 00:21:52:19

Nicole

Gosh, I can say that. I've always been like the girl that likes the boys. You know, like, ooh, he kissed me. Ooh, he touched me. Ooh. He let me borrow his t shirt. You know, like I've always liked the boys. You know, all of that. And so I've always liked the little things. Yeah. That I think I appreciate now more, you know, the holding the hands and stuff like that.

00:21:52:21 - 00:22:12:18

Nicole

So then, you know, I was always like, when am I going to, you know, get to the next step with somebody or whatever. But really, my whole life we didn't talk about it. God, I can't that's why I think some of the stuff with my kids is so crazy, because I would never talk about it with my parents.

00:22:12:20 - 00:22:21:05

Nicole

Okay. So it just has always kind of progressed, but nothing was ever, like, explicitly talked about growing up.

00:22:21:07 - 00:22:30:21

Luna

Was your household religious at all or was it just kind of culturally, it sounds like maybe a little bit conservative or maybe just kind of the romantic ideals that we have been raised with a little bit.

00:22:31:02 - 00:22:48:08

Nicole

Right? When we were younger, we were a little bit more until like going to church and, you know, that stuff kind of go to church. But it wasn't like, all day affair, a big thing. And otherwise we were just kind of, you know, Midwestern foreign. Okay.

00:22:48:08 - 00:22:58:08

Luna

So no clear messages. What about friends or any media that you came across? And were there any, like, negative sex messages that you got, or was it just sort of mute?

00:22:58:10 - 00:23:14:12

Nicole

No, it was definitely just not talked about, like, not whatever until I was older, of course. Like, you know, middle school or like you hear of that girl in middle school or, you know, that's fast or whatever I say.

00:23:14:16 - 00:23:18:18

Luna

Was it just girls that were promiscuous or was there ever talk about boys being promiscuous?

00:23:18:18 - 00:23:22:12

Nicole

I feel like it was always talking about the girls. Yeah, that's.

00:23:22:14 - 00:23:26:14

Luna

Tracked with my experience as well. When did you discover your own body?

00:23:26:16 - 00:23:52:05

Nicole

When I was 40. I'm just kidding. I don't know it really, I guess. Really. I end up there. I'm very small. I'm only like, five feet tall. Okay. So I feel like I've always been like this little girl. And that's what I feel like a little girl. And I never thought that I was any sort of like, you know, like anything that guys would be wanting to look at or anything.

00:23:52:05 - 00:23:58:22

Nicole

When I was really, really, until I was a lot older, I just never felt like that. Okay.

00:23:59:00 - 00:24:03:07

Luna

So you didn't explore your body at all, like, did you touch yourself at all as a teen or young person?

00:24:03:07 - 00:24:33:11

Nicole

No, I didn't until I was like, maybe, junior or senior in high school. Like that never came to mind. I started, like, fooling around with boys and stuff in, like, seven 38th grade. Okay. And then it kind of progressed from there, and it was more. So I think I like the attention of boys. Then I guess I felt like it was, for the attention of boys, not for always necessarily what I wanted or whatever.

00:24:33:11 - 00:24:36:20

Nicole

But, you know, do you know what I'm trying to say? Yeah.

00:24:36:23 - 00:24:44:08

Luna

Did you have awareness of what you also wanted, or was it more just like, driven by it? Does this work, does this work like like did you feel.

00:24:44:08 - 00:24:53:13

Nicole

Like it was driven by what the other girls were doing? And you know, what is kind of the norm and what you should be doing and stuff should be.

00:24:53:13 - 00:25:05:17

Luna

Yeah, yeah. I can really relate to trying to figure that out. So from those early partner experiences, what stands out as formative for you, like what parts kind of like shaped you in whatever ways you feel are important?

00:25:05:19 - 00:25:30:06

Nicole

I lost my virginity when I was just before I was 15, and it was just really because my cousin had a boyfriend and it was her boyfriend's friend, you know, that kind of stuff. Very uneventful. Unfortunately, nothing was pleasurable, really. It was just because you're, you know, just supposed to have sex in high school. I did have a long term boyfriend, and we did have a lot of sex.

00:25:30:06 - 00:25:48:10

Nicole

And I learned what kind of everything was with him. And he was not the first guy to go down on me, but he was definitely the first guy to make it enjoyable because I, you know, there's a lot of guys trying to figure that stuff out. Yeah, but he was the first one to really it really was enjoyable.

00:25:48:10 - 00:26:10:20

Nicole

And I love it still. So probably molded that for me. But I really just love, like I said before, all those little things of like, it's not kinky or anything, but I love Hold My Hand touched me like kissing and love kissing and making out. And like that feeling you get so connected to somebody or I shouldn't tell you.

00:26:10:22 - 00:26:31:21

Nicole

I feel like that. I feel like that's the closest I can be to somebody is when you're. And you're like, all in the moment and grabbing and and then it just kind of transpires because sometimes I'm like, dang, it just went to like, okay, a little kissing. Oh, you got a boner now. Okay. Now we're fucking like, yeah, that's boring.

00:26:31:23 - 00:26:41:03

Luna

What a waste of a possibly transcendent experience, even if it's casual. That's how I feel about it. I'm like, even if I'm having casual sex, I would like to have casual sex with someone who is.

00:26:41:03 - 00:26:42:00

Nicole

Like.

00:26:42:02 - 00:26:45:05

Luna

They're with me and, like, really wants to touch.

00:26:45:05 - 00:26:47:08

Nicole

Me, not just like getting it in.

00:26:47:13 - 00:27:08:05

Luna

What about the specifics of your pussy receiving pleasure, especially from a mouth like. And how does she like to be touched? Like what sort of. I know that there's not like one formula, but I do ask these questions because I'm still trying to figure out every pussy is different to me, and I like panic each time there's a new one or even even deep time, I revisit a when I know I every time I'm like.

00:27:08:07 - 00:27:15:22

Nicole

I feel like it's very complicated attack. I know what I'm doing, okay, there's a lot there. So just tell.

00:27:15:22 - 00:27:18:21

Luna

Us first what you love and then we'll.

00:27:18:23 - 00:27:41:10

Nicole

Then we'll hear about your experiences the other direction. I love everything. No, I mean, I, I feel like I don't have an overly sensitive pussy, but I have a very receptive pussy. And like the anticipation, if a guy's going down and like that anticipation of that first touch, I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't stand it because it just feels so good.

00:27:41:13 - 00:28:02:03

Nicole

I do like aggressive. I do like but not, you know, not to be overly aggressive. You know, it's not a lottery ticket. It's just approach it how it looks. You know, kind of delicate. But if I'm giving you cues like read the room, you know, kind of thing, but yes, I like it. And you can suck my clit.

00:28:02:08 - 00:28:07:08

Luna

Like, tight suck up close or like all the lips in the big mouth, sucking and pushing.

00:28:07:14 - 00:28:08:07

Nicole

Every.

00:28:08:09 - 00:28:10:14

Luna

Everything of the whole range. Okay, I love it.

00:28:10:14 - 00:28:12:02

Nicole

It feels so good.

00:28:12:04 - 00:28:23:04

Luna

How much warm up do you need before you can get to that aggressive point? Like, is it like hold your hand, kiss sensual testes, tease and like, you know, working up to it? Or does it just depend?

00:28:23:06 - 00:28:53:06

Nicole

I think it just depends. But pretty much not very much time. Like I'm all about it and spend some time. I mean like, jeez, if I'm liking it, don't move. Fuck yeah. Yes. Yeah. Stay right there. Yeah. And then if you're gonna, like, insert some fingers, it's all over. And I am a squirter and it's just going to keep on happening and just, you know, just the whole thing of sucking my nipples and going back and forth.

00:28:53:08 - 00:29:14:14

Nicole

That's it. You can suck my nipples. I can have an orgasm off of getting my nipple sucked. It's great. Cool. And it takes a little bit of time, but it's all of that whole moment of kiss me, touch me, suck my nipples and that aggression and everything. Oh for sure, that's very cool.

00:29:14:16 - 00:29:22:01

Luna

I would like to hear details about your squirting. Do you squirt when your nipples get sucked? No, it needs manual stimulation still, right?

00:29:22:03 - 00:29:31:20

Nicole

Squirting. I have a hard time, but I love that it happens. Most people love that it happens. It's a mess and it's annoying.

00:29:31:22 - 00:29:34:02

Luna

Do you have a blanket? Like a sheet? That's what.

00:29:34:04 - 00:30:09:08

Nicole

I have. I did buy one on Amazon. I'm like, it's a miracle worker. It is great. Okay, I have destroyed but everything and that was a no. If you're just fooling around someplace, then I've got my pants on. I don't want to walk around. With what pants? So now I'm like, I'm holding on to it or whatever. But yeah, once I am relaxed and everything, it's happening and it's crazy because it just happened one time with my ex-husband in his truck.

00:30:09:10 - 00:30:37:13

Nicole

That was like the first time. I'm like, that's a terrible place. But oh well, oh well. But then once I really once I got a divorce and really got familiar with myself and what I liked and open and not feeling so self-conscious about myself, then that's when it all just like happened. And I could, like squirt and I'm like, oh, this is crazy.

00:30:37:13 - 00:30:39:14

Nicole

It's great. Do you do it.

00:30:39:14 - 00:30:43:00

Luna

Every time you orgasm? Or can you do it to yourself? Or what's the I.

00:30:43:00 - 00:30:44:21

Nicole

Can not do it to myself. Okay.

00:30:44:23 - 00:30:54:04

Luna

I didn't think I could, but I recently was using a vibrator and I put my fingers in just for something different because I've been doing different things. And then I was like, oh, it's really weird. Oh, wait.

00:30:54:06 - 00:30:55:15

Nicole

What?

00:30:55:17 - 00:31:10:14

Luna

Can I have been able to recreate it a couple times with? That was just last week. So I'm like, oh, oh, new things to explore. And it's not the same as, like when my former master would like, you know, there's a different angle and whatever. But I haven't also tried to be as vigorous, so I'm just showing the wetness.

00:31:10:14 - 00:31:13:11

Luna

But how much have you tried? What have you experienced?

00:31:13:13 - 00:31:31:06

Nicole

I, I'm trying to think. I feel like it's one when you can get at just the right angle and you know what you're doing and everything. Yeah, it just is like it will not stop. It just doesn't stop. And I'm like, okay, I think I'm going to be dehydrated. I was.

00:31:31:06 - 00:31:36:02

Luna

Going to say, do you need to make sure that you hydrate specifically so that you don't like, get a headache.

00:31:36:02 - 00:31:45:09

Nicole

After what I haven't even thought of it that far because sometimes it's very surprising. Then sometimes it just doesn't happen. Yeah, well.

00:31:45:09 - 00:31:46:23

Luna

Maybe you're divided on those days.

00:31:47:01 - 00:32:03:21

Nicole

It's not even like a mind over matter thing. I think it's a subconscious thought. There's some thought there, but I just don't realize it until after. And I'm like, that's why I did it. I don't want to ruin your furniture or your car or my furniture.

00:32:03:21 - 00:32:09:13

Luna

Yeah. No, totally. I'm like, this is my leather couch. Please don't make me squirt here without a towel. And I think, okay.

00:32:09:15 - 00:32:16:13

Nicole

I need more than a towel even. Yeah. I'll be like, no, not again to oh, we need a backup key.

00:32:16:15 - 00:32:26:11

Luna

Folded over many times. Okay. Do you want to tell us next about your experiences with other vagina owners? And when did you sort of start to discover your bisexual self?

00:32:26:13 - 00:32:33:02

Nicole

I mean, vagina owners isn't very long because I feel like I don't have very many experiences yet. Right.

00:32:33:02 - 00:32:37:12

Luna

We're curious about your desire to, you know, it's the whole everything.

00:32:37:14 - 00:32:59:07

Nicole

I guess maybe. I think I've heard you talk about it before. You don't realize that you are like crushing on a girl or you didn't until later. You're like, oh my God, that's what I like you. You know, I like like you write like, oh, I do, I don't I do think that you are cute and, you know, I guess I, I haven't thought about that.

00:32:59:09 - 00:33:22:10

Nicole

And then it has happened to me and I'm like, it's a dynamic that I can't comprehend in my head sometimes that I've always kind of had of like, well, why do I feel that sort of way towards a female as opposed to a male? But that is like something that I, you know, trying to figure out as I get older and I feel like I have to like, know everything.

00:33:22:12 - 00:33:28:19

Nicole

I don't need to know everything. I just I feel like you just should, like, would you like it doesn't matter. Yeah, well.

00:33:28:19 - 00:33:47:00

Luna

I feel really lucky because I definitely talk to most people who are like, yeah, whoever you like, whatever they have, whatever parts they have, however many people they want to play with. And then I travel back to my hometown where there are monogamous, straight frames are the norm. And I totally forget. I'm like, all right, it's a different world over here.

00:33:47:00 - 00:34:08:14

Luna

And I forget how often that it actually is a big deal for people, because I'm in my own little echo chamber of sexiness, that it is a big deal for some people, and I can still recognize the parts in my own self that are like, I don't have a lot of examples of how this goes in my own super close sphere growing up, you know, certainly not performatively.

00:34:08:16 - 00:34:32:03

Luna

And so I am still figuring out, especially since God, he's a broad generalization here. I have a lot of quote unquote masculine qualities, which is to say, people, guys I date especially will be like, you're kind of like a boy. And I'm like, well, no, I'm not, I'm I'm very feminine. I also am very active, but like, okay, you know, and so, so it's just confusing to be like, oh, what am I supposed to be doing here?

00:34:32:03 - 00:34:34:23

Luna

And if I like someone, how can I do you have a gaydar?

00:34:35:01 - 00:34:35:12

Nicole

But you.

00:34:35:13 - 00:34:37:19

Luna

Tell okay. Me neither. So it's like, makes it hard.

00:34:37:21 - 00:34:42:10

Nicole

I'm always like, how do I how do I pick up a chick? I have no idea.

00:34:42:14 - 00:34:51:22

Luna

Yeah, I'm working on that. Do. We'll figure it out. Have you kissed girls? Like, what are your favorite parts about femme bodies? And, like, have you gone down on vaginas or touched them? Or, like, what's your what?

00:34:52:02 - 00:35:12:09

Nicole

What are your experience? Girls a lot growing up I kind of good example when I going through puberty with my best friend and you know, you get like you're starting your nipples and you're like, oh my God. And then I'm like, oh, you know, it's a little bit different. But I'm like, I wonder what it feels like today, you know?

00:35:12:11 - 00:35:30:23

Nicole

But then later on, I mean, you're just like, okay, never mind, tuck that in my pocket. But as I got older and you know, I think the first girl that I kissed was probably just a friend at the club, you know, just being goofy and girls and stuff. You put that. I love it like, I love kissing girls.

00:35:30:23 - 00:35:56:20

Nicole

And I had a friend that was we were friends and it was great. It was a dynamic of, you know, her boyfriend wanted to bring another girl in. So I was the third and I loved it. It was so much fun and it was just very casual. And we remained friends while it was going on and stuff. And it was just something, you know, fun every once in a while and we enjoyed it.

00:35:56:22 - 00:35:59:23

Luna

Where was that in your formative experiences?

00:36:00:01 - 00:36:23:12

Nicole

Oh, probably when I was like 40, so later than I would think. But I guess, like I said before, I kind of figured out who I am and very comfortable with myself in my 40s, my late 30s, in my 40s. I've definitely gotten comfortable with it. And, you know, I'm open to a lot of things that a lot of my friends are not.

00:36:23:12 - 00:36:33:16

Nicole

And I'm like the wild and crazy and oh my God, I can't believe you're doing this. Yes or no? Okay, well, don't be hating me because I'm having a good time.

00:36:33:18 - 00:36:41:16

Luna

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. When did you consciously admit to yourself, oh, I like ladies, too. Or was that more recent or was that back?

00:36:41:19 - 00:36:47:09

Nicole

No, I think that was about that time when I really was like, oh, I really like this. Okay.

00:36:47:11 - 00:36:57:13

Luna

Fill in the gaps. First lady. We heard Ex-husband and Squirt and Truck. But from your formative experiences that we know about, like what else was happening kind of in the last couple of decades.

00:36:57:15 - 00:37:19:02

Nicole

I had kids when I was younger, and then sex never was a much of anything until I got to be in my 30s and speaking up for myself and really saying, you know what I like, what I don't like. And it was more of, you know, that vanilla kind of married sex stuff. And so, yeah, when I got to be older, then it was just, you know, okay.

00:37:19:03 - 00:37:26:02

Nicole

Yeah. Like to have sex, like, let's like, fuck. I'm talking about not once a week as much as I can.

00:37:26:04 - 00:37:35:11

Luna

Was that your vanilla married sex? I would love to hear the details of what that was for you. I'm also very curious about the part of you that was like sex wasn't a thing. Is it because you didn't have desire or you just didn't have, like.

00:37:35:13 - 00:37:58:06

Nicole

Time while when I was in my 20s it was a thing, yeah, I wanted to have sex, but it was just a thing of not being trusting of some people or everything was so casual and, you know, it was like I didn't really have anything real consistent then because it was, you know, so casual and stuff. But I wanted to have sex all the time.

00:37:58:06 - 00:38:15:14

Nicole

So it was, you know, hooking up with somebody at work or, you know, a friend ended up being a buddy and, you know, that kind of stuff. It never really got to be anything too serious, I guess. And then I got married. I thought it was going to be. And I was, yeah, like 2 or 3 times a week, the usual.

00:38:15:14 - 00:38:35:12

Nicole

But it still wasn't getting me to be satisfied. And yeah, I feel like I don't know if that ever can happen, but it happened a little bit more as I got older and got divorced and was able to verbalize what I really wanted. And I'm not afraid of it being open to somebody and telling them what I really want.

00:38:35:13 - 00:38:41:04

Luna

What are the voices inside of you that say, oh, maybe it's not possible? Like, what are they specifically talking about?

00:38:41:06 - 00:38:49:01

Nicole

I don't know if my sexual desire is able to be like fulfilled, pleased, like I haven't met my match.

00:38:49:03 - 00:39:01:07

Luna

Okay. So it's about looking for a certain type of partnership. Take us into your fantasy world a little bit. And what would that feel like? So romantic. Lots of kissing lingerie like. Share with us the details.

00:39:01:07 - 00:39:25:12

Nicole

Like being in that really connected kind of adoration of a relationship and wanting to fuck the shit out of me and like doing that and pleasing me. And because I want to please you, you know, like that kind of stuff. Slap my ass as I walk through the door, you know, that kind of stuff where it doesn't have to be so public or whatever out there.

00:39:25:14 - 00:39:57:08

Nicole

We have this, like kind of thing at home, and that's what's going down. It doesn't have to be all the time. An hour every day or whatever, but some sort of sexual spark and connection and touch, some sort throughout the day. We're not roommates. Yeah. I want to be in that total connection with somebody, and both know what we both want and not afraid to say it or not afraid to, you know, say something.

00:39:57:10 - 00:39:58:15

Nicole

Fuck yeah.

00:39:58:17 - 00:40:13:09

Luna

If you were hypothetically, deeply resourced in yourself so you had enough sleep, you had enough money, you had low stress levels and you had a partner that was fucking sexy and they were in a similar boat. Would you want to have sex every day?

00:40:13:11 - 00:40:17:06

Nicole

Yeah. Okay. Me. Me too. Okay, cool. I'm just curious.

00:40:17:08 - 00:40:31:03

Luna

Not everyone does like some people. It is too much stimulation. But I'm like. And then I would need my alone time. Like, if we were going to suck every day, like four out of the seven days a week, then I'd be like, okay, now we had our time and now go away. And then I would want a couple of like longer, more extended things.

00:40:31:03 - 00:40:45:15

Nicole

But right. And when I have sex, like sometimes, okay, an hour, two hours, whatever, the whole whatever. Yeah. And sometimes we can just fuck quickly and get on with our business. I'm cool with that. Totally.

00:40:45:17 - 00:41:03:12

Luna

With my former master. I love when we would go on a date, he would come over and we'd be so excited to touch each other and then we would like, just fuck a little bit and nobody would come. And then we would go to dinner and the whole thing was a big, huge turn on. And then we still had to wait long enough to digest, because I love to eat, and I eat a lot of food when I could have a dinner and then, like, I have to digest.

00:41:03:12 - 00:41:19:20

Luna

And that's when we would, like, go to the tub or bathe. And so it it created this whole beginning, middle, end journey which has been really, truly lacking, even with the partners who I've met since, who've been like, I love to give you attention, I'm like, oh, oh, wow. Ten minutes of focused attention is a lot for you.

00:41:19:20 - 00:41:39:01

Luna

Okay, well, I've been spoiled. Okay. All right. You know, and so I'm really finding ways to communicate my desire with invitation and I'm so fucking clumsy at it so far. So I'm really trying to just, you know, you're like, what I'd really love is, you know what I'd really love to hear from you now is when did you start getting into lingerie?

00:41:39:02 - 00:41:44:19

Luna

Like, what prompted that? Like, why do you like like, why do you like those textures or what is it that you like about them?

00:41:44:21 - 00:42:05:16

Nicole

That's a really good question. I haven't even I don't even know. I think it was like when I was married, I think I had a few, a little Navy thing, not nothing even remote to being as sexy as I can be. But like I think it is just the femininity and ties are so visual. I think it's so sexy.

00:42:05:16 - 00:42:16:19

Nicole

And I like to, you know, like, what's your favorite color or what do you like when you think of a girl in lingerie, what is she wearing, like that kind of thing?

00:42:16:21 - 00:42:32:01

Luna

I want to answer that and then I want you to answer it. What popped into my head is like a really strappy high end, like it's kind of a bra, but it's like not a full bra because it's, like, very strappy. Like, I just saw a picture of one of these, and then it also has the oh my God, I need to learn words about clothes.

00:42:32:01 - 00:42:51:00

Luna

It has like a harness. It's like a bra, but a harness. But the straps look more like beautiful ribbons. Like the one that I looked at was like a bright teal turquoise blue. But it was like very structured. So I think it was very like high in lingerie. And then it had a garter belt that was similarly strappy and like, you know, the really high waisted thong.

00:42:51:00 - 00:43:04:17

Luna

But like with beautiful, beautiful detail on it like lace and stitching. And then it had garters and beautiful thigh highs and it was like this beautiful teal color. So that's what popped into my head when you said lingerie. And I was like, yes, what popped into yours? I heard 90, but.

00:43:04:19 - 00:43:19:15

Nicole

Like a whole teddy, like white lace, teddy garters, you know, thigh highs, a classic high heel. And like, I, you got to keep them on the whole. Love it.

00:43:19:17 - 00:43:26:13

Luna

Did you have lingerie on your wedding night? Like, is that were you that kind of romantic or. Like what? What was your kind of vibe there?

00:43:26:13 - 00:43:46:06

Nicole

I did, but I didn't even matter at that point because I think we had kids in our room. That's terrible. But I think that I do like that, you know, when it's like that, you have it on and nobody knows that you're wearing it except for you. Or maybe you might share it with your partner. And I think it's kind of that kind of thing.

00:43:46:06 - 00:43:53:09

Nicole

That wedding night thing is the thought of like, you know, you think you take your wedding dress off and then what do you have on underneath?

00:43:53:11 - 00:44:11:02

Luna

I love that also. Thanks for helping me understand clothes and how to use them. A turn on, storing these tips in my brain. I would love to hear you speak to what your sexual self was like when pregnant, when having kids like like, how did kids affect your sex life?

00:44:11:04 - 00:44:36:05

Nicole

When I was pregnant with my one daughter, I could not get enough sex and I was with nobody. And it was terrible. That's what happens sometimes. But then otherwise, I guess I really didn't. I don't think I really thought of it as a thing. It just really wasn't a thing to me. And they affected me more so of my body, you know, like I gained all this weight and then lose it all.

00:44:36:05 - 00:44:57:16

Nicole

And I am like I said, I'm a small person. So then I ended up getting my boobs done and it's so nice. Yeah. Having bigger boobs. And I think that it's like it is guys, look at your tits. And but it also brings a little bit more to your sex life and your a few things that you're able to do.

00:44:57:18 - 00:45:00:19

Nicole

Weight. Like what? Like to fucking tell.

00:45:00:19 - 00:45:01:04

Luna

Us about.

00:45:01:04 - 00:45:23:00

Nicole

Titty fucking. Why you can. Having lube is great, of course, but you know, because I can squeeze them together enough to hold their dick in there and not all the time, because if they're a little bit too big, then that's just too much. But it's fun and it's something else to do because, you know, not everyone with boobs can do that.

00:45:23:03 - 00:45:42:19

Nicole

But I'm very also self-conscious about them, too, because I don't want to be perceived. I guess it's a social thing of feeling like, oh, don't look at me like I've got like too much cleavage or something like that, you know, in the workplace and stuff like that. I kind of feel like that, and I don't want to be perceived in that manner.

00:45:42:19 - 00:45:55:00

Nicole

But yeah, in the bedroom or whatever, it's great. Like, I love it. I trace my nipples across your legs while I'm giving you a blowjob or, you know, just everything. Love that.

00:45:55:01 - 00:46:08:07

Luna

It's like you could read my mind because I was going to ask you about blowjobs next and going down on partners. So start with penis owners and then tell us if you have anything to say about vaginas. But like, what do you love about going down on a partner?

00:46:08:09 - 00:46:21:00

Nicole

I just love it. I feel like I'm so enthusiastic about it. If you are clean, I'm going to want to give you a blowjob. If I don't think that it's going to be appealing, I'm not even going to go there. Yeah, because gross.

00:46:21:04 - 00:46:24:16

Luna

We mean like clean showered, right? You're not into, like, sweaty balls.

00:46:24:18 - 00:46:47:22

Nicole

No thank you. Oh, no. I mean, you know, though, I just listened to one of your shows the other day. I mean, you can smell it smelling like your partner's, like, pheromones and whatever. Yes, that's a different thing. I love knowing that I'm pleasing somebody also when I know that they really appreciate it. And that really is like turning them on.

00:46:47:22 - 00:46:51:10

Nicole

And it feels good. And they let me know that. Yeah, I love it.

00:46:51:10 - 00:46:54:19

Luna

Wait till are you a throat go.

00:46:54:21 - 00:46:58:12

Nicole

Gosh, I don't know. I don't know what's the real definition.

00:46:58:14 - 00:47:01:12

Luna

Well just tell us do you use your hands and how.

00:47:01:14 - 00:47:25:01

Nicole

Of course. I mean, if it's big enough. Yes. Use your hands because I also think, okay, what would they be doing if their masturbating? Because, you know, like that kind of thing. But yeah, you need everything to be stimulated. And if once I can get like all the saliva and make it. And I used to not be like that, I used to not like sloppy because I really don't like spit.

00:47:25:03 - 00:47:26:10

Nicole

I'm a weirdo.

00:47:26:12 - 00:47:31:20

Luna

No you're not. But say more about that. Even with making out or just blowjob, like, is it specific or is it. Oh yeah.

00:47:31:23 - 00:47:46:04

Nicole

Okay. Like the right amount. And I don't like spitting. I don't like seeing people spit. So like, I know a lot of times people spit on their hand, you know, in sex or spit on your pussy or whatever. I'm like, yeah. I don't know why it bothers me.

00:47:46:09 - 00:47:53:18

Luna

It used to bother me. It would squiggle me out. But then I got kinky and now I'm like. But on, like, degradation. I don't know.

00:47:53:19 - 00:48:09:05

Nicole

If that is one of those things that somebody like, can I spit on what? No. Like, don't ask me if you're going to use spit. Just don't ask. Just let's do it. Wait, wait, so you're okay with nonconsensual spit? I mean, sometimes you need it.

00:48:09:08 - 00:48:12:23

Luna

Yeah, if lube isn't on hand. And if you're, like, willing to use the spit for it.

00:48:13:01 - 00:48:31:23

Nicole

My daughter told me, though, that, like, she was having sex with a guy and he asked her if he could spit in her mouth. And I was like, I mean, this is one of those conversations I'm talking about. It comes up and you're like, oh my God, somebody said that to my daughter. Good point. Yeah. How was that for you?

00:48:32:00 - 00:48:47:17

Nicole

I'm like, what did you say? She's like, no, because she, she was thinking about mouth like yeah, everything that's in your mouth is going to go in my mouth. Totally his thing. Great. But I don't know what I would have done in that situation.

00:48:47:18 - 00:48:57:05

Luna

I have received spit in my mouth a couple of times and I liked it. How are you with spit now? Like in making out, like, volume wise or like blowjob?

00:48:57:07 - 00:49:06:02

Nicole

It's too much. It's kind of a it just kind of is a turnoff. But most of the time if you're a good kisser, I mean, that's just it. You're not going to have too much. Okay.

00:49:06:06 - 00:49:14:12

Luna

But about vaginas and like, wetness or like, does your squirt. I know squirt is different from spit, but like kind of what like, does that stuff is.

00:49:14:12 - 00:49:16:17

Nicole

That tweak the thing does not bother me.

00:49:16:20 - 00:49:17:10

Luna

Great.

00:49:17:10 - 00:49:39:01

Nicole

Okay, cool. It's just spit. It's weird. But so when I'm giving a blowjob and I can really get all the spit happening and everything, it makes it so much better. And I just, I love every part of it. I just get so exciting because I know that I'm pleasing him and I can't deep throat, I can get it pretty far.

00:49:39:03 - 00:49:50:03

Nicole

Yeah, but I don't. I'm afraid to throw up. I have not, but I feel like I would be so embarrassed, which I don't know why I would be embarrassed, but, you know, it's like when I think about it, then that's when my gag reflex is totally not.

00:49:50:03 - 00:49:56:10

Luna

Makes perfect sense. That's a huge psychological thing. I also have practiced with dildos. They're not tasty.

00:49:56:10 - 00:50:05:00

Nicole

But that is that is how I've practiced a little bit. I had a partner. That's a good idea. I think of it that way. Yeah.

00:50:05:00 - 00:50:28:03

Luna

And then and you know, that way I could like, pick the size and just get comfortable also with anal sex, like I used to like, especially after my former master and I broke up, like, I fucked myself in the ass sometimes. But even before, when I still had a partner that I was doing it with, that's part of how I gained trust in my own body of just being in control of the feeling myself and like just just in this, like, experimental sort of way.

00:50:28:05 - 00:50:33:22

Luna

What about vagina owners and putting your mouth on them? Have you had experience with that? What's it been like?

00:50:34:00 - 00:50:53:22

Nicole

I have, I definitely have. I really like drew and I really want to, but then I feel like I get down there and I'm like, shit, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, it's like driving a new car. Where is everything? How does it work? But gosh, it's really as exciting to me, probably as giving a blowjob if it was just so.

00:50:54:00 - 00:51:02:18

Nicole

It's a lot more dynamic and it's like, how do you figure it all out? I don't know, but gosh, I really want to. Yeah, I've.

00:51:02:18 - 00:51:25:19

Luna

Been really practicing my communication with femme partners, vagina owners. And just like part of what I've been working on, my own personal sex life is letting go of my own fear of self-judgment because I have so many past stories stored up of like, all the bad things have happened, but now I'm like, whatever. If someone's upset that I'm trying to figure out how to pleasure them and need words to do that, or like need guidance than like they don't deserve my mouth on their pussy.

00:51:25:19 - 00:51:44:12

Luna

So I've been really, really explicit in being like, what does that feel like? Is there something that would feel better? And, you know, trying to apply some of the like, numbers, things that a recent guest was doing, you know, with impact play. But being like pleasure wise, like, where is this on your scale, you know, and it of course takes a partner who's willing to have that conversation.

00:51:44:12 - 00:52:04:11

Luna

But I've also had a little bit of fun recently making first sessions with partners like Exploratory Missions. And it's also a way that I've like, helped people slow down because I am I want to speed through everything, but I also want a lot of time, you know, I'm very eager. Maybe you can relate to this. Eager turned on want all of it?

00:52:04:13 - 00:52:11:11

Luna

You need a partner who can help me stretch it all out because I want a lot of sensuality and time.

00:52:11:11 - 00:52:29:04

Nicole

Yeah, yes, I want it all. But I'm not in a rocket. Yeah, you know, it can happen multiple times in an evening, but yeah. So give me. Just like if we have 15 minutes, give me five minutes a fucking. And the rest of it has to be like everything else. So I love it.

00:52:29:06 - 00:52:39:05

Luna

Okay. What else do we not know about turn on. Why is. Yeah. Like, your body specifics. Things that you've done in love. Like what else do we need to kind of know about your sexual self?

00:52:39:07 - 00:53:03:18

Nicole

I'm attracted to somebody that I can connect with really well, and I can trust once I get to know somebody. But then it just all goes someplace else, you know, it's a turn on. And also, I don't want to be in charge of anything. You take charge, show me what you want, have your words match your actions. Have your actions match your words.

00:53:03:20 - 00:53:14:18

Nicole

Right. Don't tell me that. Oh, yeah, I I'm super sexual and I want to, you know, have sex all the time and then. No, don't. Yeah. You just want to tell me what you think. I want to hear.

00:53:14:20 - 00:53:29:18

Luna

Such an interesting one. That comes up a lot. So there must be some dual cultural pressure, which is just a big mindfuck, in my opinion. I'm like, what? Like we're supposed to be prudish, but also then we say we want sex, but then you behave prudish. Okay, I don't know.

00:53:29:20 - 00:53:43:13

Nicole

It's very that's very frustrating because I'm like, I'm not exaggerating my desires or I'm not making it up to make me look different or better or whatever. I'm just being honest with you.

00:53:43:15 - 00:54:03:19

Luna

Yeah, it's I've noticed it's really, really tough when I encounter people that maybe don't realize that they are accidentally. I call them regular human lives, and it's just because they're telling me their idealized version of self and what they're hoping to grow into. And and more recently, there have been a lot of new attempts at partnership for me personally have included.

00:54:03:19 - 00:54:14:00

Luna

And maybe you'll be the one to turn me into that thing. And I'm like, no, I can't, like, I won't, I can't, it's not my job. It's only you could do it. That's the whole point. So I can.

00:54:14:00 - 00:54:15:11

Nicole

I can really relate.

00:54:15:12 - 00:54:17:13

Luna

I heard you say the word submissive.

00:54:17:18 - 00:54:18:20

Nicole

Is that something.

00:54:18:20 - 00:54:21:10

Luna

You would like to explore more formally?

00:54:21:12 - 00:54:43:03

Nicole

I don't know, I feel like the more and more I think about things, the more and more I like to be directed. I like to be you. Tell me what you want. You tell me and I'm not afraid to do what you ask of me or what you want. And sometimes, I don't know. I feel like I am aggressive, we're.

00:54:43:03 - 00:54:45:21

Nicole

But I'm not dominant. Yeah, I don't think.

00:54:45:23 - 00:54:47:16

Luna

I'm very aggressive. And I have.

00:54:47:16 - 00:54:48:17

Nicole

To.

00:54:48:19 - 00:55:11:00

Luna

Make a concerted effort on purpose to be dominant, like, I can't, I can. I've been honing this skill, but I like you also. I don't know that you actually said the word submissive. My brain thought to myself, I heard that you like someone else to lead. But yes, I can really relate to that. And just because we can be very vigorous, like oftentimes submissive, for me the greatest gift was having someone that was like, now worship me.

00:55:11:00 - 00:55:28:00

Luna

And at that point I had enough confidence and trust in the relationship to feel like I could do a good job. And I feel like that is how I started to grow. A lot of my personal sexual confidence that was separate from that relationship, if that makes any sense.

00:55:28:01 - 00:55:59:10

Nicole

Yeah, I feel like I have that. It's like I'm just the same the other day. It's like a modern, old fashioned value. I like to be able to speak my peace, my voice, have a voice, I guess. Yeah. But I like the male to kind of take the lead and take charge and have that confidence. And so I think that's that whole thing of like, you know, that old fashioned, like the guy kind of makes the first move and the guy opens the door and that kind of stuff.

00:55:59:10 - 00:56:13:00

Nicole

I like that. It's like that kind of stuff is very attractive to me, and that is a turn on. So like, if you're going to take charge and you're going to do that, great. Go for it. Yes.

00:56:13:02 - 00:56:32:11

Luna

As long as all of those things are done with my experience in mind, because I've been getting really bored of people that are just like, want an audience and do not give a shit about me like I'm I fill in the blank. What about if you are or hypothetically were seeing a femme person, would you still want them to be as dominant?

00:56:32:11 - 00:56:33:21

Luna

Like would you want them to lead?

00:56:33:23 - 00:56:38:21

Nicole

I don't know what I don't know. I feel that that's something that I've thought about.

00:56:38:21 - 00:56:56:08

Luna

I have so many fantasies of a lady being like, I heard that you're not that confident with women. Come here. Let me, you know, and just like taking me and then, like, molding me like, you know, and again, I don't want to be the person that's like, oh, you're going to be the one to teach me. Like, I don't want to do that to somebody else.

00:56:56:08 - 00:57:01:04

Luna

Like, I know how shitty that is. So I'm just curious what other people. Okay, well, what do you imagine for yourself?

00:57:01:04 - 00:57:08:14

Nicole

I would have to have somebody take charge and do that, because I don't even know how to pick up a girl yet.

00:57:08:16 - 00:57:18:01

Luna

What about toys, locations like stuff you have done or used, or places you've been or you want to go?

00:57:18:03 - 00:57:41:01

Nicole

I'm not a big fan of toys. I don't know why I like the physical touch, and I guess if I'm going to feel a need to get myself off, I just use my hands and that's about it. Well, I have used a strap on, so that's not a toy for myself to buy for somebody. You've used one. Yeah, I love it.

00:57:41:03 - 00:58:01:02

Nicole

See, now I like that. So now that is something I haven't thought about. I do like it a lot. Nice. Because that's something that us as females. I want to know what that feels like. Yeah. And that's as close as you can get. And it's great. I do like that feeling of like it is that I guess more of a dominant thing.

00:58:01:07 - 00:58:07:12

Nicole

Yeah. So yeah, that is such a turn on and I love it so much.

00:58:07:14 - 00:58:11:06

Luna

Have you used it to fuck vaginas or assholes or both?

00:58:11:06 - 00:58:18:09

Nicole

Okay. Never an asshole. I would be very apprehensive about that because I feel like I can't feel that, so I don't know.

00:58:18:10 - 00:58:24:16

Luna

Yeah, but they're not feeling into my asshole with their cock. They're still having to check in with me, even if it's a live cock person.

00:58:24:16 - 00:58:26:14

Nicole

I sure hope they are. Yeah.

00:58:26:16 - 00:58:35:03

Luna

Thought experiment. If you met a partner that was like, yeah, put it in my ass. Is that something you would want to do? Like, yeah. Oh, okay. And you've used butt plugs on your own self.

00:58:35:08 - 00:58:36:11

Nicole

No, I have not. Oh you.

00:58:36:11 - 00:58:37:01

Luna

Haven't.

00:58:37:01 - 00:58:45:11

Nicole

Okay. No. But I'm like, I really probably should look at that because I feel like that just it'll make things so much better.

00:58:45:12 - 00:58:48:05

Luna

I mean, if it's calling to you.

00:58:48:07 - 00:58:51:02

Nicole

Right? I just I'm a procrastinator.

00:58:51:04 - 00:58:56:17

Luna

No, it's divine timing. It's going to unfold in divine timing. So you think you might explore your butt?

00:58:56:19 - 00:59:21:23

Nicole

I mean, I have it's not my favorite. I've definitely had anal sex. It's not often enough to get like, totally comfortable with it. So I think, you know, if it was something that I would reintroduce kind of into my life, I would start with butt plugs because it's helpful and knowing things and researching, you know, knowing what do you do who talks about, you know, prepping for that.

00:59:21:23 - 00:59:23:08

Nicole

It's normally just like, okay.

00:59:23:11 - 00:59:45:23

Luna

I think there's some good articles out there. Well, just based on the people who I interviewed for sex at Work cake, like the sex toys, anyone who sells like lube for butt or butt plugs has like a helpful how to guide on the internet. And then there also, I think Laurel's has more stuff about like protected anal, but that's another great way if people are interested but nervous just to have like a little thin covering.

00:59:45:23 - 00:59:48:18

Luna

But would you ever put your tongue on an asshole?

00:59:48:20 - 00:59:53:00

Nicole

I don't know, I mean, jeez, anything's possible. Let's be real.

00:59:53:02 - 01:00:03:07

Luna

My first time was an order, and that's I don't I think I would have been too nervous if someone had been like. And will you lick my asshole? I've been like, I don't know, but like, in the moment, he was like.

01:00:03:10 - 01:00:03:18

Nicole

Try.

01:00:03:18 - 01:00:05:17

Luna

It, try licking my asshole. And I was like.

01:00:05:19 - 01:00:06:13

Nicole

Okay.

01:00:06:15 - 01:00:14:22

Luna

Okay, you know? And that's the type of naughty stuff that I like, love, you know, love getting ordered to do. What else would you like to get to? What's on your bucket list?

01:00:15:00 - 01:00:38:14

Nicole

Okay, so I had recently been I met a couple a married couple. And to be, you know, their unicorn. Never in my wildest dreams that I think, oh, I'm going to do this. You know, I'm going to, like, look to be a unicorn or whatever. But I was like, well, damn. Why not? Yeah, they're married, they're monogamous. They're all grown up.

01:00:38:18 - 01:00:59:21

Nicole

You know, all this? Why not? I like females, I like males like. That's great. Yeah. And then we all just have sex with each other and, you know, or whatever. And that's what it started out as. I met them, like, on an app. And it was great. I really liked them. And then I was like, I'm not a guinea pig as good as they've got good.

01:00:59:22 - 01:01:09:21

Nicole

It went south almost as fast. Oh, wow. Because there's things that need to be figured out before you try and introduce somebody else into the relationship.

01:01:09:23 - 01:01:15:23

Luna

Okay. Well, congratulations to you for recognizing whatever red flags you saw, because that's yeah.

01:01:16:01 - 01:01:39:13

Nicole

There was a lot of red flags. And it really bums me out because I really liked them. Yeah. And we've really had a good time. And I mean, it was great. And I think that there was like some trust issues. And, you know, I mean, when I'm, you're telling me to go fuck your husband and then you're coming into the room and saying, get off of my husband.

01:01:39:13 - 01:01:47:17

Nicole

What the fuck are you doing? That's not what you do. That's not when you bring somebody into dynamic. And it was very disappointing.

01:01:47:18 - 01:01:54:08

Luna

Also, not a nice way to communicate. Oh, shit. My feelings have changed. Like, that's pretty rude to your experience, right?

01:01:54:08 - 01:02:18:06

Nicole

Oh, shit. I'm having a tough time about this because I'm very, very open and honest with people about my expectations. And I want you to be too. So if you're being dishonest with me now, I'm like, oh, I can't trust you. You know, when I thought that I could and there was something, some sort of feelings there that were probably valid, but that needs to be talked about and communicated.

01:02:18:06 - 01:02:31:17

Nicole

And it wasn't. And then I was like, put in a very, like, weird situation where I literally had to cut ties because I'm like, I just can't I can make drama up in my life if I wanted to. And I don't. Yeah, honey, but what.

01:02:31:17 - 01:02:35:23

Luna

About like, sex parties or other things like that? You have any desire for that sort of stuff?

01:02:35:23 - 01:02:55:04

Nicole

I'm so intrigued by that. I would love to go to a sex party. I would love to, you know, just at first experience it. I want to watch. I want to see what happens and then kind of go from there. And obviously being with somebody that I was comfortable with or, you know, together, I think that would be like such a fun thing to do.

01:02:55:08 - 01:03:02:08

Nicole

Yeah. And it can totally change your relationship and dynamic and stuff. I think it would be so much fun. Fuck yeah.

01:03:02:10 - 01:03:09:06

Luna

What else do you desire for yourself? Any other things that you want to tell us about your hopes for the future?

01:03:09:08 - 01:03:38:08

Nicole

Gosh, I just want to, like, be able to find somebody or somebody I don't know, people that I can have, you know, trusting relationship with that was like on that same sexual wavelength as I am. Yeah, I know I have a high sex drive. I know I need a lot of attention and but damn, I'm willing to give that to somebody else and the right person.

01:03:38:10 - 01:03:57:21

Nicole

And I want that. I know what's out there, I want it. Yeah, but I think when I say, okay, I have a high sex drive, you know, how are you? How are you? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like how many times I've had guys say, okay, I thought you were kind of kidding. And I'm like, nope, I'll just want to fuck all the time.

01:03:57:23 - 01:03:58:06

Nicole

I can.

01:03:58:06 - 01:03:58:15

Luna

So.

01:03:58:15 - 01:04:17:22

Nicole

Relate. But I mean, other than that, I guess I just want that, you know, because life is so much better when you're with somebody that's like that and that's really all that I think I really want out of my sex life any more of, but be open. I'm open to trying all sorts of stuff, but there's nothing that I can say specifically.

01:04:18:00 - 01:04:19:16

Nicole

Yeah.

01:04:19:18 - 01:04:26:21

Luna

What about anything else you want to say about sex? Any other stories? We haven't heard anything else do you want to tell us?

01:04:26:23 - 01:04:45:02

Nicole

You kind of asked about, like, having sex in different places. I've had sex in all different places, and I love that kind of stuff. Like where you could maybe get caught, or you can just mark it off your bucket list, you know, like at like a rest area, you know, where you pull off the highway and a picnic table.

01:04:45:07 - 01:05:05:04

Nicole

I love it, like outside of just whatever. One time I was with this guy that we met at a bar, and then he was from out of town, and he came back into town and he had his, like, family member's car, and we weren't going to have sex in his car. So we just pulled over and we had sex like behind, like a bush in a random, like, parking lot.

01:05:05:05 - 01:05:29:01

Nicole

Like what? Okay, just hurry up because this is what we both want. And that's like, it's so intense and it's so fun and it's so random. But, like, I don't know, a bar of, like, a really like a dive bar bathroom or in my underground parking at my apartment in my just with my door open and bent over into my car.

01:05:29:03 - 01:05:44:12

Nicole

It is not dark. And my I was like, dang, I can't believe I did that. I guess it was like kind of late at night. I'm sure, because we had been out. But I was like, what if somebody saw and I would have to see them in the elevator? Like for the rest of the time of me living here?

01:05:44:12 - 01:05:54:03

Nicole

Yeah, that's my shame. A meter like going away I don't like, but. Oh, well. But then, hey, guess what? I'm having sex. Yeah, that's true, that's true.

01:05:54:05 - 01:05:56:05

Luna

Anything else that you want to share?

01:05:56:07 - 01:06:21:18

Nicole

One thing that resonates with me. Like if I were to, like, describe like the show or the purpose or anything of it's like, it really is crazy to me how a lot of people don't speak their opinion or their experience or whatever, because they are shameful of it or embarrassed, I guess. I don't know if that's the same or, you know, just so many different things.

01:06:21:18 - 01:06:39:18

Nicole

And it's like, it's so sad to me that that so many people feel that way. And I think, like with my kids, that's a big thing for me. With my kids, I've always just be open, like, be yourself. Don't feel like you can't be yourself, because I just feel like I don't want to feel that way. You know?

01:06:39:18 - 01:06:59:10

Nicole

I didn't want to feel that way. And I, you know, a lot of times I look at it is like in general, a person I want to be the friend that you need. I want to be the parent that I needed when I was their age. So like, I think so many things obviously mold who you are and it's so hard to get out of that.

01:06:59:10 - 01:07:27:02

Nicole

So I kind of feel like with my kids, I don't want that to be how they are. I want to make it, you know, open and comfortable and everything from the beginning so that it helps down the road instead of being, you know, 40 and figuring out your sexual being and stuff. So I they I've been very open with me and we've had a lot of conversations that I never in a million years would have talked to my parents about ever.

01:07:27:05 - 01:07:44:17

Nicole

Yeah, ever. And I'm glad that they're that way because it makes them feel so much better. And it makes me feel so much better because I'm kind of informed, even though I don't want to always hear everything kind of blacking out. But I think it's more positive than negative. So I guess that's kind of a thing for me.

01:07:44:18 - 01:08:04:08

Luna

Well, what I hear in that shared reflection is my own experience of the saddest, most tragic parts of life that I encounter in a daily way is when I talk to someone and they're clearly hiding themselves. And it's very obvious to me when people are hiding, I don't push because I don't know why. I don't know their thing.

01:08:04:08 - 01:08:22:17

Luna

It's usually not conscious. I don't want to pressure them. Sometimes I accidentally push because I'm like, well, you said this and now you're doing that. You know, I've learned to sort of feel into people a little more. But for me personally, I get sad. I'm sad most of the time because of how much people are just hidden from each other.

01:08:22:19 - 01:08:42:13

Luna

And now I speak to enough people one on one about very personal stuff, and know for a fact that at least a few hundred people in the world have written to me to say they don't feel like they have anyone but me, which most of the time when I'm getting these emails, I'm an internet stranger to people to share this with.

01:08:42:15 - 01:09:02:03

Luna

And that's when I just, you know, I hear your discomfort in, in figuring out, you know, you're breaking a huge generational cycle, accepting some of this information from your kids that is for you, uncomfortable, and also for any parents listening who have younger ones. I mean, I don't know, maybe this is still helpful for you, but the book Beyond Birds and Bees by Bonnie J.

01:09:02:03 - 01:09:23:04

Luna

Ruff is such, I think, a beautiful framework for creating your own jumping off point for what one might want as a parent to share with their child, or bring up sex wise. So I really just want to say how beautiful I think it is that you are offering that both to yourself and to your kids. And now I heard you have a grand baby.

01:09:23:06 - 01:09:52:01

Nicole

Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, that is pretty easy to me because I'm like, oh my God, that's like my child that I produced that now had a child and I'm like, nope, I'm not old enough for this. But it is great. And to see that dynamic change in my daughter that into being a mom and stuff, and that did change some of our conversations because it obviously opens up a whole new world to everything else.

01:09:52:01 - 01:09:55:00

Nicole

But yeah, crazy how life happens.

01:09:55:06 - 01:10:03:13

Luna

So, okay, so if you could go back in time and tell younger you a piece of sex advice, what age or ages would you pick and what would you say?

01:10:03:15 - 01:10:26:10

Nicole

I thought about it earlier today. I think really, really I would go back to whenever I was, you know, six, seven or whatever, getting touched by my cousin and just really like reassure me over how many years I have a voice like I should feel okay with saying anything to anybody, especially if it's not something that's right or that I'm not comfortable with.

01:10:26:10 - 01:10:56:07

Nicole

Like I have a voice. It took me a very long time to feel comfortable with that, and that is where I think it could have really changed to who I am, because when things were like tucked away or not talked about or even addressed, that make me feel very like insignificant or, oh, well, you know, that's sad. And that that really has changed a lot of things for me over the years.

01:10:56:07 - 01:11:18:17

Nicole

And it's taken me 46 years to get to this place where I'm like, I don't give a shit what I don't care. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. But sometimes the truth is a hard pill to swallow and you might need to hear it. But I never would have done that before. So I think that that would be a huge, huge thing for me to, you know, be a positive.

01:11:18:18 - 01:11:21:12

Nicole

You have a voice. No matter what.

01:11:21:14 - 01:11:32:22

Luna

Fuck yeah. Also, you're literally here using your voice to share your story and I'm super grateful and cheering you on. Nicole, thank you so much for being a guest on Sex Stories.

01:11:33:00 - 01:11:35:14

Nicole

Thank you for having me. It was so fun.

01:11:35:16 - 01:11:38:06

Luna

Do you have a sex question you want to ask me?

01:11:38:08 - 01:11:52:15

Nicole

You talk about toys a lot and I'm liking to use them. Is there some sort of a sex toy apparatus accessory? Something that doesn't exist that you think should or you'd like to know?