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61 white hispanic heteroflexible male

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00:00:00:05 - 00:00:18:07

Luna

Our guest today is a 61 year old white, Hispanic heterosexual male. Maybe a bit like curious. His kinks are public sex, exhibitionism, taking nude photos of women, and dirty talk. A manager of a busy downtown restaurant from Washington state in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Welcome, Marti.

00:00:18:09 - 00:00:20:06

Marty

Hello. How are you?

00:00:20:08 - 00:00:31:00

Luna

I'm awesome. I'm so happy that you're here. Can you start off by telling us if you had to rate yourself today on a sexual shame, a meter with ten being the most full of shame and one being not to shame you at all. Where do you fall right now?

00:00:31:02 - 00:00:44:00

Marty

Oh, I know that's your question. On all the ones I listen to, I pretty shameful, I would guess like down in the eight. You know okay most everybody is higher, but it's like I never talked about it and whatever. So a little bit shameful.

00:00:44:04 - 00:01:02:05

Luna

Well, then I think we should extra celebrate you for being here, because I think that's actually some of the natural filtration of people who make it to the podcast. Tend to be the less shaming ones. So I'm honored to have you here. We are honored to have you here. Do you feel comfy sharing a few words about how the shame feels to you, or like how it comes up for you?

00:01:02:07 - 00:01:23:18

Marty

I honestly, I'm confused with, you know, my history is I have all these thoughts I've had and things I've done over the years. Are they totally normal, or am I really just kind of out there and weird and pervy or, you know, and so I don't share the for that reason a lot because, you know, I don't necessarily hear other people say about those things.

00:01:23:20 - 00:01:24:05

Marty

Yeah, I.

00:01:24:09 - 00:01:31:23

Luna

Totally get that. Can you tell us a little bit about what your sex life is like right now? And if you have any favorite parts, what are they?

00:01:32:01 - 00:01:45:22

Marty

It's non-existent right now. Covid just shut everything down. I broke up with someone just before Covid and then being in my industry, it's just been chaos and seven day workweeks. I got no time for a relationship, quite honestly.

00:01:46:00 - 00:01:52:18

Luna

Wow, okay. That's tough for a human body. Are you at least able to pleasure yourself? Is there masturbation happening?

00:01:52:20 - 00:01:59:02

Marty

Yes. But shamefully enough, every now that I've gone to a happy ending. Massage parlor. Know?

00:01:59:04 - 00:02:15:15

Luna

Okay, well, I just want to remind you, you're in a space here where I am in full support of sex work. Obviously, I wish that things were legal and safe everywhere, but I hear you, and I'm glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself and getting your needs met. How often? If you don't mind telling us, do you masturbate?

00:02:15:15 - 00:02:19:05

Luna

And do you have more of a routine or you try to change it up ever?

00:02:19:06 - 00:02:25:06

Marty

Probably four times a week and probably more of a routine. It's always bedtime.

00:02:25:11 - 00:02:40:17

Luna

I go through phases. I'm in a phase of routine right now where I'm like, I work on the computer, I'm doing a lot of editing, and then I'll be like, all right, I'm going to go take a break with the magic wand. And I go through these magic wand phases where I'm just like, not into the creativity. And I notice that I get more stimulated when there's another partner there.

00:02:40:17 - 00:02:52:02

Luna

So I hear you. It's been a stressful time. Can you tell us on that note, what are the things that you find the most sexy? What is sexy mean to you?

00:02:52:04 - 00:03:11:18

Marty

I don't know if most guys feel this way, but as a guy I never feel sexy. So I'm just of, you know what? I see sexy in a woman. I like women who are confident and and wear something a little revealing, you know, not necessarily slutty, but revealing. That's always exciting. You know, for me, I think that's sexy.

00:03:11:21 - 00:03:31:19

Marty

There's a particular body style I like that, you know. Nothing wrong with the others, but I tend to. You know, Popeye's girlfriend. Olive oil is really hot, skinny, tiny little flat. Just the olive oil type, you know? And, I always find things that some of my friends tell me, you know, find other things I like about people.

00:03:31:19 - 00:03:41:14

Marty

But, like, odd little things, you know, like the crooked nose or the ears that come out of the straight hair and can't hide them back, there's there's something unique about that person. I find that sexy.

00:03:41:16 - 00:03:50:03

Luna

I love that. Did I hear you correctly? You said you don't feel sexy at all. Like from yourself to others. Or how does that how do you feel?

00:03:50:03 - 00:03:53:18

Marty

Like I've never. I've never really felt that way, you know?

00:03:53:20 - 00:03:54:05

Luna

Okay.

00:03:54:06 - 00:04:00:03

Marty

You know, I would imagine how Mick Jagger feels, but, you know, I don't feel anything like.

00:04:00:05 - 00:04:15:10

Luna

Okay, I see that. Okay. What about when you're touching yourself? Like, when you're in your own arousal? I know that when I'm turned on, I'm not, like, sitting there thinking like, so sexy right now, but it is kind of definitionally sexy, if you think about that.

00:04:15:12 - 00:04:20:01

Marty

No, not really. I just have a good imagination. I generally lose myself in my imagination.

00:04:20:01 - 00:04:21:00

Luna

So amazing.

00:04:21:06 - 00:04:24:08

Marty

Okay, about myself, I think about situations.

00:04:24:10 - 00:04:34:15

Luna

Okay. And then can you also tell us what is your definition of sex like? What counts as sex for you either with another person or on your own?

00:04:34:17 - 00:04:54:16

Marty

Just nudity and playing? But I mean, sex is sex. It's like, you know, doesn't have to be penetrations, any contact. And it sounds silly, but like, you know, making out and getting a second base and all that that's tied to sex, you know, because, you know, you think that somebody should orgasm if it's sex.

00:04:54:18 - 00:05:15:18

Luna

I love it, I love it. I definitely only want there to be pleasure. Orgasms are always great. I feel like when there's an orgasm, it does usually count as sex for me. I should examine that. There's probably exceptions. Okay, so next question in our intro series, did you ever get an explicit health and safety talk or lesson in consent when you were growing up?

00:05:15:20 - 00:05:37:15

Marty

No, never. That's one of the reasons why it inspired me to actually message you to be a guest. I listen to your program and I can tell it's from a different generation. My generation growing up, we didn't really have that. They had. Like, you know, for us, I guess it's the the girls in one room, boys in another and just talked about the reproductive system and then you're done, you know.

00:05:37:17 - 00:06:00:12

Marty

And there was never at my age, my parents didn't really talk to me about that. My friends weren't having sex, so they didn't have any information to share. We didn't have porn back then or, you know, not that many people had cable, much less the, you know, Showtime type stuff. So it wasn't accessible to us. So the only thing I had there was no internet, right, is just girlie magazines.

00:06:00:12 - 00:06:06:12

Marty

And that was always just pictures of the girls still, you know, so there wasn't really a lot of information.

00:06:06:14 - 00:06:14:21

Luna

Wow. Hearing you say it in that encapsulated way really does highlight how big of a difference a couple of decades makes.

00:06:14:23 - 00:06:31:19

Marty

Yeah. So we were really uneducated and you know, cause I mean, today, I mean, I hear many of you guys say, well, I googled this and I saw that and that's how I learned. And, you know, or people were just more open about it was back then you didn't talk about sex with anybody. It's just one of those things you just didn't do.

00:06:31:21 - 00:06:48:11

Luna

As an adult. Do you have any examples or specific experiences that you can remember where there was an explicitly agreed upon? Yes. Between you and a partner that was like very sexy to you since a lot of us didn't give consent talks, I try to just give consent examples that are super hot.

00:06:48:12 - 00:07:15:02

Marty

Oh man. I mean, sex is about consent, you know, and so, so many that I think I started kind of young from what I hearing from other people. So being sexually active at like age 14, 15 right in there so pretty young. And so the things that I remember from then about consent, it's like having sex under a bridge with my teenage girlfriend was very hot, very consensual.

00:07:15:02 - 00:07:23:04

Marty

I mean, it's outdoors, completely naked under public area. I mean, she had to be in or, you know, I mean, that's a very consensual.

00:07:23:06 - 00:07:29:08

Luna

Were you guys like, there's that bridge. Let's go do it. Or did you see the bridge? And was it inspiration? What do you remember about it.

00:07:29:13 - 00:07:47:01

Marty

Is in the neighborhood of where she lived, where we were hanging out. So it was just, you know, that walking around home, I mean, when you're teenage, you don't have any place to go, you know? So you had to be outside or, you know, wait for the parents to not be there. This particular girl, her mother, was a pretty unique person.

00:07:47:04 - 00:08:04:03

Marty

You know, in hindsight, it's kind of sad. But, you know, she had a lot of alcohol problem, drug use and that kind of thing. So she was a very liberal mom. We could go to her house, okay, and hang out. Her mom got her birth control and all that stuff. So I had that very liberal side with the girlfriend and my parents.

00:08:04:03 - 00:08:22:12

Marty

Very conservative. This is, you know, back to the generation. This is the age where there was either hippies or everybody was conservative. You know, you had the free peace, love, freedom attitude or you had the toe the line wave the flag, you know, thumbs the Bible attitude, you know?

00:08:22:14 - 00:08:36:19

Luna

Wow. Okay. So now tell us what happens to your shame. A meter when it's time to talk to a partner about having safer sex? Does it spike at all? What are those conversations like for you or how do you wish they would go?

00:08:36:21 - 00:08:55:03

Marty

That is difficult. I mean, now that I'm older, you know, it's just never been part of it. It's like, you know, I ended up killing my high school sweetheart, pregnant, age 17. So that's kind of tells you a little bit about, you know, safe sex and the generation that I was in talking about safe sex and all that.

00:08:55:03 - 00:09:13:03

Marty

In fact, that really didn't become a big deal in the forefront of people of my generation's mind until the HIV thing started really hitting, you know, people realize, wow, you can die from sex, you know? And then people started thinking about condoms. But unfortunately, I'm embarrassed to say it's not something that's really been on the forefront of my mind.

00:09:13:03 - 00:09:28:02

Marty

And, you know, but I also in my history, I've been married twice. The first time, seven years, that high school sweetheart. And then unmarried for like about a year and a half, maybe more. More like two and a half and then into a monogamous 17 year marriage.

00:09:28:06 - 00:09:29:16

Luna

So you didn't have to practice for a.

00:09:29:16 - 00:09:36:01

Marty

While, so you didn't. Yeah. So it really wasn't that important. Okay. Until after we got divorced from that 17 year marriage.

00:09:36:03 - 00:09:54:20

Luna

So here's your question as a single person. Now, this is what I'm trying to figure out in dating. Life is not one of my normal questions. But just like as a dude out there, when would you ideally like that conversation to happen? Like, I like to get it out of the way, but then sometimes people are like boards too fast and so like, would you like to do it like right before or like during?

00:09:54:20 - 00:10:10:12

Luna

Because oftentimes people are like about to finger me and I'm like, wait, let me look at your hands. Are there cuts? Are there anything, you know, like, because I have a sensitive body for you, when would you like that to happen? So you're about to meet someone amazing tomorrow and maybe get hot and heavy at some point?

00:10:10:14 - 00:10:20:09

Marty

Yeah, I think it would be really awkward if it was like, oh, let's have coffee and discuss all this in the morning, and then let's go out for dinner and feel back home and we're all set, you know?

00:10:20:09 - 00:10:37:17

Luna

Okay, but what if I want your opinion on this? But what if coffee in the morning was just a first date and you'd already established, like some people love to use first dates as a chance to see what are you into sexually? And maybe practice. Just like touching a leg or something. And then what if that was such a turn on that you did go that night?

00:10:37:18 - 00:10:39:06

Luna

That wouldn't be awkward, would it?

00:10:39:07 - 00:10:55:15

Marty

No, I mean, you just got to roll with whatever scenario comes your way, really. But I've never really thought about it that much. But to me, it's always a just before the moment type of discussion. The, you know, find out different comfort levels. You know, it's like many women in my age group can't get pregnant, so they don't care about that.

00:10:55:15 - 00:11:08:11

Marty

But everybody's concerned about, you know, STDs or whatever. So do you use condoms? But then if you're monogamous or you're both then tested and clean and, you know, it's hard to just trust somebody else to say, oh, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. You know, that kind of a thing.

00:11:08:11 - 00:11:12:00

Luna

So totally, totally. I'm a big fan of barriers.

00:11:12:02 - 00:11:17:04

Marty

Generally, condoms is the best way to go, so you get really comfortable, you know.

00:11:17:06 - 00:11:36:00

Luna

Beautiful. And I always just like to offer everyone out there using the phrase clear instead of clean, because there's this kind of clean, dirty thing that's not very helpful. And the reason that I bring this up so much is because there are beautiful, lovely ladies like myself who, if you go to listen to all of the episodes, you will discover that I have herpes in my throat.

00:11:36:02 - 00:11:52:02

Luna

So especially for blowjobs, people never want to use barriers for that. So I'm always like at the point where we're making out, we're about to do things. And then, you know, there's mouth stuff and I'm like, wait, we need to have a conversation. And oftentimes people I'm fine, I'm fine. And I'm like, well, you need to know your risks from me.

00:11:52:04 - 00:12:10:09

Luna

And so I guess I always want to just like forefront it so that everyone can make fully consensual decisions both ways. And I think that's the thing that a lot of my male partners in particular, they're not concerned about their own health in the way that my female partners are. It's just what I've noticed. And I don't have enough data with nonbinary or trans people or gender fluid people.

00:12:10:09 - 00:12:18:12

Luna

So I just like to bring awareness to all of these things. Thank you for playing with me. Any other thoughts on safer sex or like your own practices?

00:12:18:14 - 00:12:37:15

Marty

Like it's a long, monogamous relationships make it a little bit different. Totally. It's a generational thing. I wish I had have learned to practice safer sex, but just wasn't. And how I grew up. And then, you know, especially the second marriage is like very monogamous. There was no worries. Get her on birth control in the beginning of sect me it's like so really?

00:12:37:15 - 00:12:39:02

Marty

Oh, what's an issue?

00:12:39:05 - 00:12:49:09

Luna

I love it okay, I want to say vasectomies are so hot because then you can do come play when your partner are both all clear. That's very, very great. Can I ask how old you were when you got that?

00:12:49:11 - 00:12:53:09

Marty

Was probably around 4540 somewhere in there.

00:12:53:09 - 00:13:07:11

Luna

Nice. Okay. Last question about safer sex. Promise. When you go on a date with someone or where you think it might get hot and have you, do you bring the condoms, like, do you just have them on standby, or do you usually like, have to get them with your partner? Like, do you decide ahead of time? Is that part of it, or do you just like always have them on hand?

00:13:07:11 - 00:13:08:23

Luna

And what's your favorite brand?

00:13:09:01 - 00:13:27:17

Marty

I use Trojans as basic, but I generally do tend to have them on hand, you know. But like I said, right now, the way my world is right now, it's like it's not something that I think, oh, this might happen. I better be ready because, you know, I'm putting in 65 hours a week, six days a week and seven days for resting, you know?

00:13:27:18 - 00:13:29:02

Luna

Yeah.

00:13:29:04 - 00:13:32:01

Marty

For all that. So there's really nothing out there.

00:13:32:03 - 00:13:42:12

Luna

Oh my gosh. Well, I hold the hope for you that soon your resting and replenishment can include a partner. But I know how hard it is to make that initial connection when life is, like, moving so fast. But I hold the hope.

00:13:42:14 - 00:13:46:06

Marty

Nobody wants to be a partner with somebody has doesn't have time for them, you know?

00:13:46:08 - 00:13:47:19

Luna

I totally get it.

00:13:47:21 - 00:13:48:13

Marty

Yeah.

00:13:48:15 - 00:13:59:05

Luna

Okay, let's get into the details of your sex life. We heard a little bit about your beginnings, but can you tell us now what is your first sex related memory?

00:13:59:07 - 00:14:07:22

Marty

Sex related memory? Well, as a little kid, I was that kid that was always, you know, getting the neighbor girl to take off her clothes and all that. But that's not really sex. That's curious.

00:14:08:02 - 00:14:08:18

Luna

Curiosity.

00:14:08:18 - 00:14:27:21

Marty

But, yeah, I was always that kid, you know, and getting in trouble with other people's parents and, you know, getting scolded and all that kind of stuff. But that's not sex. My first sexual things, I remember sixth grade, I had a girlfriend. We would just always be fooling around but never really have. Sex is like, we never really did sex.

00:14:27:21 - 00:14:46:17

Marty

No penetration. We were always naked, blowjobs, licking pussy, you know, all that stuff. And, she's one of the first ones that I like. I said, a little exhibitionism. So we didn't have places to go all the time. Unless we get caught skipping school. Dad would come home, and, you know, I'd be in big trouble, but, you know, that kind of thing.

00:14:46:17 - 00:14:49:17

Marty

So that was my earliest one in sixth grade. That partner.

00:14:49:18 - 00:15:06:02

Luna

Wow. Okay, so you were a very curious child. Did you just figure out that your body felt good? Or, like, do you remember how you started to think of those explorations? Because I think I would have been naked with partners a lot younger if I had, like, understood. It could have been an option.

00:15:06:04 - 00:15:29:23

Marty

I don't know, I just think I was very curious at a young age and I was found women sexually attractive, you know, and the culture that we grew up in is, you know, it was different because that's how women were portrayed to on TV and in movies as more sexual objects. I'm not trying to be rude, but that's how it was back then.

00:15:29:23 - 00:15:32:07

Luna

So I think we're all feeling the effects of that.

00:15:32:07 - 00:15:53:18

Marty

Still, when you see a girl you don't think about, oh, I wonder if she's smart and good at math. You know, you would think how we get those genes off of her. You know, I always had dirty thoughts. I guess even as a child, you know? Yeah. You know, I make jokes. Maybe I'm older than I am dirty, but today is not that day.

00:15:53:20 - 00:16:11:14

Luna

I love that. Do you remember in your young brain when it started to shift from like, I'm curious. This feels good. Is she naked into like, oh, I know what sex is like. Was it once you saw the nudie magazines? Was it before that? Like, when do you feel like you like understood. Sex?

00:16:11:16 - 00:16:30:03

Marty

Probably with the second girlfriend. The one that's mom was a lot more liberal, you could say. Because then I really started understanding it because we had a place to be. And it was not in that household that was like, mom to be in the kitchen doing something and we'd be in the bedroom, you know, mom bought us and Green Springs Wine.

00:16:30:03 - 00:16:50:09

Marty

We're in there smoking weed and drinking Captain Cheapy stuff, and her daughter's in there. We're just do whatever we want to do, you know? So I guess that's when I really started understanding sex. So the first girl, it was more of a curiosity. It's like, oh, it's close off. Let's see. This was what, you know, that. And that's kind of where the exhibitionism kind of started at an early age.

00:16:50:11 - 00:17:12:21

Marty

Because with that girl in sixth grade didn't have places to go. And this is the most bizarre thing. This is like the shame meet meter. Okay. Most bizarre. I don't even know how. Why? What? You know why is so perverted or whatever, but me and this girl, we're like, in sixth grade. You're like, what, 13? We are, for some reason in the local Kmart doing some shopping.

00:17:12:21 - 00:17:35:09

Marty

And then I got distracted and we started kissing and making out. Next thing I know, I got her pants down around their knees in Kmart. I'll just turn around making out. And then this older guy comes. You know, I say older, who knows how. All the girls come in the corner, and she got this teenage girl with her pants down to her knees and her ass out in the store.

00:17:35:09 - 00:17:42:00

Marty

It's like, oops, zip it up, girl. Let's get the hell out of here. Yeah. You know, and ever since then, I've always kind of liked that kind of stuff.

00:17:42:02 - 00:17:48:02

Luna

Okay, jumping ahead for just a minute, where else have you done stuff? Have you gone to do that more than adult?

00:17:48:04 - 00:18:08:19

Marty

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Over the years, many, many. You know, it's like movie theaters and public areas at work. You're not necessarily getting clocked like I said, under the bridge, the one time the first girl, the sixth grade, we took a gondola ride over a river park and one of my friends was with me. Then, as we're on the gondola, I stripped or completely naked.

00:18:08:20 - 00:18:29:18

Marty

My friends there and there's people. This is broad daylight and there's other gondolas going by, and there's this totally new girl getting groped up in the gondolas. You know, my friend felt awkward with it, but it was different. Many years later, the second wife, she had a housekeeping business, so she would clean common areas and do move out.

00:18:29:18 - 00:18:43:04

Marty

Cleans her apartment in a pretty busy part of town, and I'd go help her when I had time to. And so we'd be in all these apartments that were empty. We'd have sex in people's apartments that we didn't know.

00:18:43:06 - 00:18:45:06

Luna

That's so hot.

00:18:45:08 - 00:19:04:21

Marty

In the stairwell or in the laundry room. And I mean, this is broad daylight kind of thing. You get caught easy if you know. Yeah, yeah, I guess I've always been like that, you know, so many, many, many stories like that that I really probably couldn't even remember all of them. The hottest one ever with the blogger wife.

00:19:04:23 - 00:19:33:11

Marty

What time we were on a road trip. It was really hot out, and so I started rubbing ice on her neck and her shoulders while she's driving. Husband doing that. And then things got hot and sensual, so I unburdened their shirt and rubbed ice on her breasts. A little urban shirt more. Next thing we know, she's driving completely naked in daylight, getting massage and ice and all this and, you know, I don't know if anybody saw this or not.

00:19:33:11 - 00:19:43:05

Marty

I would think so. But finally, it just got to be too much, and we pulled off at one of those roadside scenic views. Yes. And we did it right on the hood. Oh.

00:19:43:06 - 00:19:46:08

Luna

Amazing. Oh my gosh.

00:19:46:10 - 00:19:52:19

Marty

Lots of things like that over my career, which makes me feel like I'm like normal. I don't think people do that. You know?

00:19:52:19 - 00:20:11:08

Luna

I wish more people did. I was going to say, you sound very excellent at getting clothes off of people, too. I think one of my sadnesses in life is that not enough of my lovers have been eager to remove my clothes, and I love to be naked and touched. And I love that your little stories so far have that common theme normal.

00:20:11:08 - 00:20:21:23

Luna

I don't know, a lot of people do stuff, but I wish you were setting those tones. Think about how hot it would be if every Vista point also had a couple fucking nearby. So you could look at that vista. Oh, look at that vista, please.

00:20:22:01 - 00:20:26:00

Marty

Yeah. You know, I wonder how much more of it happens than everybody knows.

00:20:26:02 - 00:20:46:04

Luna

Okay, what else from your formative experiences do we need to know? It sounds like you started pretty young. Do we need to know specifics about, like, enjoying oral sex for the first time? Any other good firsts? Any other things? Like once you started getting into teenage sex years after that second partner, were there other partners after that, or was that the partner that became your first wife?

00:20:46:04 - 00:21:07:14

Marty

Oh, I did plenty when I was a teenager, okay. But I remember the first time I ever got a blowjob and it wasn't to finish anything. It was really an unusual situation. Very strange. I went to go visit my sister in Southern California and her husband's little brother was visiting too, but he actually lived there. He wasn't visiting, he lived there.

00:21:07:14 - 00:21:27:01

Marty

And so him and I got to be friends, family. There was this neighbor girl and he said, oh, come on, you know, meet this girl. We both got in the car. And her goal in life, I felt she had watched too much porn or something, but she wanted to grow up to be a hooker or porn star. And so she was just sucking us both off in the car.

00:21:27:03 - 00:21:44:08

Marty

Didn't ask for nothing. It was just do it, you know? And I didn't finish. Apparently my friend knew her for a while, but that was kind of the first blowjob experience that you remember. And that's a strange first experience. You know, total stranger jump in a car with another guy in there who said, oh, by the way, I have this friend.

00:21:44:08 - 00:21:48:11

Marty

She does this, you know, it's like, oh, okay, let's see what it's like. You know.

00:21:48:12 - 00:21:54:00

Luna

How was that for you as a formative blowjob experience? Were you able to enjoy it or was it just so strange?

00:21:54:02 - 00:22:01:07

Marty

It's so strange that you do. Like I said, I didn't orgasm. It was just kind of strange. Was like, oh, interesting. Okay, that's what's supposed to happen. Okay. You know.

00:22:01:09 - 00:22:09:16

Luna

Did that influence follow up blowjobs after that? Were they different for you once you were like, oh, here's what it's like when it's a girlfriend or a partner. I've chosen.

00:22:09:18 - 00:22:13:22

Marty

I don't know, I don't know if it's really any different. It's just, you know, that was just an odd experience.

00:22:14:00 - 00:22:25:07

Luna

Here's a question. Back in the day, did you know to go down on women? How did that enter your sphere? Was that in magazines like when did that start happening for you? Assuming it did at some point?

00:22:25:09 - 00:22:30:20

Marty

Well, yeah. Back then everybody would, you know dear penthouse type letters there's you don't buy those magazines for the pictures.

00:22:30:20 - 00:22:32:03

Luna

They just the writing.

00:22:32:08 - 00:22:32:11

Marty

The.

00:22:32:11 - 00:22:32:23

Luna

Good writing.

00:22:32:23 - 00:22:53:00

Marty

For those little letters, those who talk about things like that. And so then you'd learn and then also, like I said, that first go for some reason, we never had sex. We did a lot of playing, but we took us a while to actually have sex. Like there was something, a bridge to cross, you know? So we did a lot of oral together before having sex.

00:22:53:02 - 00:23:08:17

Luna

Wow. So that was literally part of your early experiences. Okay. Amazing. Do you identify as kinky? Like public sex is kind of a kink, but do you identify as kinky in any way, shape or form? I like to just know if people think of themselves as kinky or vanilla.

00:23:08:18 - 00:23:12:08

Marty

I don't think I'm vanilla. So those are the two choices I guess more towards kink.

00:23:12:09 - 00:23:25:16

Luna

So do you think for the third choice? I've been noodling on this lately because I'm like, what about people who are super kinky but are not regular vanilla? And then also, do you think vanilla is a bad word because someone recently we were having a discussion and I don't think it's a bad word.

00:23:25:18 - 00:23:44:12

Marty

I don't know if it's bad, it sounds boring, but it doesn't get that, you know, because it would be a lot of good stuff with vanilla to at least, you know, you say each other and comfortable, sensual deliciousness. You know, you might have a better personal bond. The same sexual bonds don't really last. You kind of have to have a personal bond with the person.

00:23:44:12 - 00:24:04:01

Marty

To me. But like you ask him about kink, it's like I hear some of your guests on your show. I'm like, oh my God, I've never done that. Or, you know, that's pretty wild. Or, well, multiple partners or go to a sex club where there's people you don't know. I would never think of that. And I don't feel comfortable there, probably.

00:24:04:01 - 00:24:11:06

Marty

And plus, you're not really very kinky. You're more on the vanilla side of the scale when you hear some of the things other people have done well.

00:24:11:06 - 00:24:13:21

Luna

It's just a spectrum. It's like we have pockets of kink.

00:24:13:21 - 00:24:34:20

Marty

I think you're polyamorous with, you know, multiple partners and all that kind of stuff. It's like that. I mean, I've never really experienced and I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable. When I was first married, at age 18, me and my wife had a couple of threesome foursomes, which were fun, but it was really awkward because when you're 19 years old, you don't really know how to do any of that.

00:24:34:22 - 00:24:53:12

Marty

When you're that young, you can't really be mature about it. It just ended up leading to, you know, a lot of like the Fleetwood Mac Rumors album kind of a thing within the dynamics of the friends and and all that kind of stuff. So it got to be really weird where, you know, so the guy over at my home having sex with my wife while I'm at work and, you know, that kind of stuff because the doors are all open.

00:24:53:13 - 00:25:11:21

Marty

But I don't really regret, you know, and there was some times I cheated on her and just casual sex with, you know, somebody, the neighbor's head over, you know, kind of a thing. So that wasn't, you know, really great last seven years. But we did a lot of different kinky stuff, you know, with my friends coming over and having sex with her.

00:25:11:21 - 00:25:24:07

Marty

And she would fool around outside of that too, you know? Okay, I guess I did a little bit as well, because we're just too young to know any better. The second there was nothing outside the relationship for either of us for 17 years, so.

00:25:24:09 - 00:25:45:18

Luna

Oh, really? Okay. So fully monogamous. Yeah. I am so fascinated by your whole life. So your first wife, you got pregnant at 17. Did I get that right? Okay. But then you also were doing all of this, like, exploratory, sort of sexy group stuff. Well, I guess while you had a baby or toddler and you're 19, how did you know to do those things?

00:25:45:20 - 00:25:50:04

Luna

Magazines. Talking. Like you sound very creative and adventurous.

00:25:50:06 - 00:26:10:17

Marty

Magazines. You know, people talking about it. I mean, you know, there was the hippie peace love generation where multiple partners was normal and all that. I mean, you're 19 years old and you know, you look at people sexually, you know, you're a lot more juiced up about it. And I don't know, it was just she was liberal enough and she got around a bit.

00:26:10:17 - 00:26:26:03

Marty

And so she was like down for it. And then the problem was my friend actually really had a crush on the wife. And the girl who was dating was also a pretty liberal girl. So he would will say, hey, yeah, you know, why don't we get those two to get with us and we'll, you know, we'll do four.

00:26:26:05 - 00:26:44:06

Marty

And that was fun. We did that a few times. But the girl she's like warned me. And she said, you know, you got to be careful because she is really in love with your wife. This isn't just, you know, for fun. Oh, wow. And that's what made it kind of weird. It's been different. If it was just for fun.

00:26:44:08 - 00:26:46:03

Luna

Yes. That gives a lot of context.

00:26:46:03 - 00:26:54:08

Marty

You know, but then it became competitive in talking about trust. And I mean, trust for my friend. Trust for my wife. Yeah, I kind of stuff.

00:26:54:10 - 00:27:15:01

Luna

That to me encapsulates a lot of the scary worst case scenario poly narratives that people who talk to me have. Can I ask what your shame a meter or emotional landscape was like at that time? If you can project a memory of a feeling onto it, like do you remember as all that stuff was happening where you're like, wow, I'm living this free life of love?

00:27:15:01 - 00:27:19:19

Luna

Or was there self judgment present? Or was there sort of like, what was your emotional landscape?

00:27:19:21 - 00:27:38:09

Marty

I was probably less shameful and more open then than I am now. This is you know, it's just I didn't know any different. And that's just how it was and that's how it went down. You know, we're always partying to, you know, beer drinking and smoking. And so it didn't seem my mind was pretty clouded and open to a lot of things to totally awesome.

00:27:38:11 - 00:27:39:10

Marty

Okay.

00:27:39:12 - 00:27:45:07

Luna

So what happened next? Like you got out of that relationship. Where did the shame come from?

00:27:45:09 - 00:28:13:14

Marty

I really don't know. Maybe because I couldn't keep the relationship going. So maybe sexually, you know, she had other partners and stuff. Maybe that was part of it. I guess part of it to us is, you know, you marry somebody, you actually love them. Most people, you know, hopefully, and break up after seven years and there's still a lot of pain and hurt and resentment and those kind of things that make it hard to adjust until the next part of your life, which I look back and go that I'm glad all that happened.

00:28:13:14 - 00:28:32:13

Marty

So many good things have happened since, so there's never any reason to look back and go, oh, poor me, this is terrible, but I'm grateful because just around the corner, there's some cool stuff. I would have never got to do. A lot of stuff I did had other things not happened. But feeling guilty about the relationship ending doesn't make you feel very sexual or wanting to start a relationship.

00:28:32:15 - 00:28:48:21

Marty

And so then it became more of a one night stand type of an attitude to what I was doing sexually. So it's like, you know, I just wanted to do that. It was want a girlfriend? I just wanted to meet girls, you know? And so that was kind of what that was like for a few years. Okay.

00:28:49:01 - 00:28:53:06

Luna

How did you meet them? You had just go and meet people, right? There were no apps back then. Oh, well.

00:28:53:06 - 00:29:18:21

Marty

You people at bars or, you know, I lived in apartment complexes. And when you're the young partying crowd, you get to know everybody. Who's the young partying crowd in your apartment complex, and you start hanging out and their friends come over and you meet people that way. You know, like, mostly that's the old fashioned way. We didn't have, you know, online dating or profiles or, you know, adultfriendfinder these things, you actually had to talk to people at parties and get to know them.

00:29:18:23 - 00:29:19:11

Marty

Yeah.

00:29:19:15 - 00:29:26:01

Luna

No swiping through endless options and wondering if something better is just around the corner in person.

00:29:26:01 - 00:29:33:05

Marty

You you get that chemistry. You know, you just get online looking at a picture. You can when you see somebody, you look at them differently and all of a sudden.

00:29:33:07 - 00:29:48:21

Luna

Absolutely. And it's better for a dopamine system when we meet the person in person, because online we have the sort of like excitement. And then usually by the time we meet them, unless the magical circumstances have happened where we've sustained it, it's sort of like poofs away that initial excitement. I love meeting people in person.

00:29:48:23 - 00:29:54:10

Marty

And nobody tells the truth about themselves online. I don't think any of us do. You know so well it's impossible.

00:29:54:14 - 00:30:13:12

Luna

Here's what I learned after three and a half years of attempting to tell people exactly what I'm like as much as possible with words, it doesn't matter how accurately I do it, it doesn't matter what I write on my profile. There's going to be a combination of like my projection and their projection. That means like, we just need to meet each other and see if we're like real people.

00:30:13:17 - 00:30:15:09

Luna

Online dating is so tricky.

00:30:15:11 - 00:30:37:08

Marty

Because you can be with some people that you see all the time and never see them that way. And then I'm going to talk from recent experience, okay? My boss, she's very pretty. Woman Brown, 35. She's very interesting. You know, I've always just been friendly and professional with her and all that. But then one day I come to work and it's her day off, but she's in her office and I just saw her completely different.

00:30:37:08 - 00:30:55:22

Marty

Had this cute little baseball cap on the yellow top and it's like, God, girl, you are hot. And ever since then it's been a little bit different at work, you know, and our chat has been a little bit different at work, and it's been much more flirty between the two of us and all this. It's like it was all fine until that one day I just happened, you know, to see her.

00:30:55:22 - 00:31:00:00

Marty

And then I just started differently, you know? So that doesn't happen online.

00:31:00:02 - 00:31:17:02

Luna

Yeah, totally. In my favorite version of the world, there is more of that, like in-person surprise moments, because that makes life juicier, even if nothing ever comes of it. I love that little spark. I also do have a history of always fucking someone at work, like from my first on campus job to bartending to like, being on set.

00:31:17:03 - 00:31:23:18

Luna

Like I always like have a romance or a work romance. Probably not allowed in less workplaces, but that's the benefit of guest artists do things.

00:31:23:21 - 00:31:43:10

Marty

Yeah, so many relationships start that way. My second wife, I met her working a restaurant. She was a 17 year old hostess. I'm a 27 year old server, and, you know, I keep sneaking adult milkshakes up to the host. And then we finally started going out and everything, and, you know, then we ended up running off together. We're getting married now.

00:31:43:12 - 00:31:49:00

Luna

So what was it like to have sex with the same person for 17 years? Did I get that right?

00:31:49:02 - 00:32:11:23

Marty

Yeah, 17 years. And it was great because we could really grow a lot of things. But I was also coming from a past relationship where I had experiences other than that. So I had something to compare it to where she didn't. She was 17 years old, you know, and it's like she didn't have that. And I think that kind of led to her demise many years later because her youth, she didn't get to explore, you know, whereas I got to explore plenty.

00:32:12:01 - 00:32:26:08

Marty

But I enjoyed it because you really kind of learn each other. You know, exactly what works for each other. You know what each other will do. You kind of know the timing of when to ask for something while like, you know, at the apartment complex, you know, today, a good day to get naked in the stairwell and take your picture?

00:32:26:08 - 00:32:40:17

Marty

Or are we just vacuuming today? You know, you get to know, you know, what the feel is in the mood and that kind of stuff a lot better with each other and have insight to what each other like. And I like to 17 years monogamous. I did because we had a good sex life. You know, I was.

00:32:40:17 - 00:32:43:23

Luna

Going to say it sounds like you two were really compatible.

00:32:44:01 - 00:32:52:07

Marty

Yeah. So if we can have good sex, why ruin it by seeking somebody else? You might not be ruined. The whole trust and all that kind of stuff totally.

00:32:52:09 - 00:32:57:07

Luna

Was that when your erotic photography kink began? Or had you been taking naked pictures before then?

00:32:57:07 - 00:33:19:21

Marty

Mostly with her, but my first wife, she would let me take some Polaroids, but then she cut them all up. The scissors, you know, didn't like the look, but, you know, nasty stuff. You know, those Coke bottles that you get at the carnival that they stretch. They melt and stretch. I don't even know if that's an old thing you win those for, like, throwing the darts whenever she had one of those and she would use it as a dildo.

00:33:19:23 - 00:33:33:22

Marty

Watching 19 year old girl do that. It's like, you know, click the I love those pictures. So those are the first ones. But yeah, really none other. Because, you know, everything was Polaroid then or you had to take it to the film developing place and then everybody's going to see them, you know.

00:33:34:00 - 00:33:37:13

Luna

I think naked Polaroids are one of the hardest things personally.

00:33:37:15 - 00:33:45:06

Marty

Yeah, I had those. And then she liked it. She liked posing for him and I like taking them. So we had many, many, many. You know.

00:33:45:08 - 00:34:06:10

Luna

That's amazing. I should also say for our listeners, for health and safety purposes, don't put glass in your vagina. Don't do it. The first night that I was taking naked pictures for my former master, luckily a friend came over. Michael was like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh, I'm taking some erotic pictures. And I was about to like, do some sexy stuff with glass.

00:34:06:10 - 00:34:21:09

Luna

And he was like, do not do this. So there are glass sex toys. Those are safe to use, things that can break inside. We have to be really careful of. Yeah. Are there sex toys that you have used that you like that are not glass bottles with partners?

00:34:21:11 - 00:34:24:18

Marty

Always just the basic vibrator pillow type stuff.

00:34:24:21 - 00:34:41:13

Luna

Okay. Anything for yourself. A girl on a special like, penis toy for anything like a no no. Oh, okay. If I had a penis. People keep writing me about tenga eggs and I'm very curious about them. So if I had a penis, I would probably go check those out. I saw just like Rose of them last time I went to a sex shop.

00:34:41:17 - 00:34:47:06

Luna

I guess it's something you can put your penis into and have a sensation. Does that mean that you're just very happy with your hand?

00:34:47:08 - 00:34:51:00

Marty

Yeah, I've never really thought of anything different like that. It's just fine.

00:34:51:03 - 00:35:02:06

Luna

Love it. So tell us some of the details of your body specifically, what does it like to feel? Where are your sensitive parts? And those are going to be like the sexy specifics that are obvious, but also other erogenous zones.

00:35:02:08 - 00:35:24:15

Marty

I mean, I've never been one to have a lot of touching. Tell you a little bit about me. I'm bipolar and I didn't get diagnosed till mid 40s. And so a lot of the weird stuff that happened to me in life were actually bipolar, manic depressive moments that led me into doing some stupid stuff. And also with that in mind, it's like I got to this thing, or it's like, I didn't really like people to touch me.

00:35:24:15 - 00:35:43:13

Marty

I used to actually and this was after second marriage starting. I was like, don't touch me unless you want to fight me or fuck me, I don't want to be touched, okay? This was one of those weird things in my mental ill head that I would stick with, and so I never really liked touching. So now that I've broken that down, then I'm no longer that person.

00:35:43:13 - 00:36:01:10

Marty

I've learned what my problems were and I'm different than somebody, you know, a massage. Oh my God, that same person I'm talking about earlier, I had a real bad pain in my neck, and she came up behind me and just started massaging it and like, just about fucking came, you know, it's like amazing. I just wanted to just drift.

00:36:01:10 - 00:36:11:22

Marty

It's like it felt so good just to, you know, give a simple thing like the neck massage. So touching like that is something I would kind of shut down for a long, long time. Okay. So that's good.

00:36:12:03 - 00:36:32:23

Luna

I do want to actually say I'm so glad that you got a diagnosis and treatment. I just listened to a Huberman Lab episode on bipolar, and I did not realize that 1%, which is a huge portion of the population, suffers from some kind of bipolar, and the suicide rate is something like 20 or 30% more likely than the average person.

00:36:33:00 - 00:36:42:01

Luna

So glad you got diagnosed, glad you got it treated and I have been just making more of an effort to kind of say those types of mental health things that I'm learning out loud so other people can seek treatment.

00:36:42:07 - 00:36:59:01

Marty

Everybody's different. So I kind of learn to embrace mine. When I found out at first it was kind of like, oh my God, that's why I've done all those stupid, wild, crazy things, you know, and got a little embarrassed about some of my past behaviors. Not all just sexual, just other things too. Yeah. Now I get embarrassed in the shame of media.

00:36:59:01 - 00:37:14:16

Marty

It's like, oh, I have this mental disorder. And, you know, I'm ashamed of it. And that's why I did these stupid things. And how do I prevent them in the future? And, you know, you start to second guess yourself about everything. But I've learned to just embrace it because, you know, part of that too, is it's part of my personality.

00:37:14:16 - 00:37:20:06

Marty

That's how I accomplish some of the things that I accomplish. So maybe the bipolar is a blessing and something.

00:37:20:11 - 00:37:27:00

Luna

So our brains lead us to where we are. And if it means that you had some sex in some stairwells.

00:37:27:02 - 00:37:42:03

Marty

It's pretty cool. Yeah. So you can look back and regret anything, you know, to do something about things. Because like you said, I've had plenty of suicidal thoughts and I've woke up in hospitals from doing something too stupid and that kind of stuff. And those romantic moments that were destructive.

00:37:42:05 - 00:37:53:11

Luna

Well, we are glad that you are here today, and I'm glad that we have an opportunity to kind of hear your words about how it's affected not just your sex life, but your whole life, which the whole life does affect. The sex life is more I'm learning from people.

00:37:53:13 - 00:38:11:02

Marty

Maybe that you're saying the bipolar is probably the shame of things, because I don't really know who I am. Was this me or was this an alternate ego in me? The distance. So I don't know if it's me that's the shamed or you know which one of them you know. So that's that's really shame. Meters pretty high.

00:38:11:04 - 00:38:29:07

Luna

I can really relate to that too, especially when it comes to seeking partnership, because then I'm like, what am I even offering another person when I get into those moments of self-judgment too? And not knowing yourself for me is a scary thing. Thank you for sharing about all of that tender stuff. Truly. Back to the physical parts of our body.

00:38:29:09 - 00:38:42:08

Luna

Are the specific kinds of penetration that you enjoy giving or receiving that question really is like, do you have favorite parts of like fucking either pussies or assholes? And or are you open to your asshole being played with and or throat?

00:38:42:10 - 00:39:12:05

Marty

I really love a woman's ass. Let's like, love it. You know, I haven't had that many partners, but I've been able to have anal like for different partners, none of them extensively though, so I never really got to where it's like, oh, I know this or what it's about yet, but I do like it. And this one girl I had a long term relationship with after the second divorce bought her a vibrator, and she's a very conservative person and family values.

00:39:12:05 - 00:39:29:12

Marty

And I'll just simply say she came from mainland China and she very different values. So she would not use that vibrator. She was actually offended that I got it for her and she wouldn't let me use it. Okay. But one day she took it out and she used it on my ass and I'm like, oh my God, I loved it.

00:39:29:15 - 00:39:31:02

Luna

Amazing.

00:39:31:04 - 00:39:46:00

Marty

I thought, well, at first I'm like, well, maybe I let her do that. Then that's maybe her way of saying, okay, well, let's see if I can use it on me then, if it works on you. Yeah, she never did, but she would break into time. But it has to go. I'm like, oh my God, that's so great, I love that.

00:39:46:02 - 00:39:48:00

Luna

What good fortune you got to discover?

00:39:48:00 - 00:39:50:10

Marty

Another pleasure doesn't happen that much.

00:39:50:10 - 00:39:55:10

Luna

But your shame a meter didn't go up so high that it stopped you from experiencing that pleasure. That's kind of incredible.

00:39:55:12 - 00:39:59:05

Marty

Yeah. I mean, in a bed. My shame on me is not there. I don't.

00:39:59:07 - 00:40:01:04

Luna

Oh, I love that. I love that.

00:40:01:04 - 00:40:18:18

Marty

You're asking me right now when I'm fully clothed in my living room talking to you, it's like, yeah, I feel pretty ashamed. Okay. Later on this other girlfriend and she was wild one. Oh my God. Like, too much wild one. Okay, I told her that story about the other girlfriend and she used one on me and it's fucking awesome.

00:40:18:20 - 00:40:27:03

Marty

That's the only two times. But yeah, it's like I really enjoyed it. That's like, that's a weird thing to ask somebody to do. But, you know, I wouldn't mind it.

00:40:27:05 - 00:40:48:00

Luna

I don't know if it's weird, actually. I think most of the partners that I've spoken to recently, especially dudes who are getting into their 50s and 60s, they're pretty open about stuff. I think the internet has helped open up a lot of assholes. Mine is one of them. I love anal play both directions. If you ever do, go get a toy for yourself.

00:40:48:02 - 00:40:59:09

Luna

I've heard some good things from some of our guests about the like vibrating, spinning ones that go inside their prostate massagers, so I'm just throwing that out there. I've heard some cool stuff. You don't have to wait for another partner to want to play with it.

00:40:59:13 - 00:41:11:19

Marty

But let's say that I haven't tried that on my own, quite honestly. Felt good. So like, you know, when jerking off to do that and it's like, oh my God, you know, I'm embarrassed to myself. That's like, damn, that felt good, though.

00:41:11:21 - 00:41:37:00

Luna

Oh yeah. Here's the thing. If I were a penis owner, I would absolutely. Just because I'm curious and love to try stuff, I would absolutely be trying to do what I keep reading about, which is divorcing ejaculation from orgasm. And that's why, you know, doing some research. There are men who are using the pleasure that comes out of the prostate, are able to come multiple times, and maybe they don't ejaculate every time, or maybe they don't.

00:41:37:01 - 00:41:51:08

Luna

I don't know, I still have not gotten extensive research for the partner in person, but this is kind of one of the things that I want to learn next is more of the ass play stuff. So if you do more research, we're always curious for updates. What about dirty talk?

00:41:51:10 - 00:42:09:15

Marty

I love it, my second wife, she would just love to hear stories because she was a virgin. When we met, she had only been with me and so much later in our relationship. She would love to hear stories about her having sex with strangers and getting filled up by a couple of men or, you know, just to love the story.

00:42:09:15 - 00:42:25:17

Marty

So I would tell them to her while we're having sex, and she would just get off so good that she liked it. Then I think we were both kind of thinking, we should just do this, but then we got to the divorce stage of it all, where was too much anger moved. We could have grown that had we been more mature and worked through some things, we could have grown that.

00:42:25:17 - 00:42:53:03

Marty

But yeah, I learned a lot of dirty talk with her. And then this one's really weird. Shame a meter again. But one time, you know, this is before the internet. There was still internet. Then, but it wasn't a problem. But they had those sex phone lines, right? I got her to call one one time and talk dirty with these guys while I was fooling around with her in bed and giving her head massage and just, you know, I called her and all that, and she got four guys off.

00:42:53:05 - 00:43:14:11

Marty

Just audio style. Well, we're fooling around. Fucking turned me on big time. And we didn't have a speakerphone. It was a landline, so, like, to hear was what she was saying, like it was hot as can be. And she just does not like I want to do it again. I just always wondered if maybe she did it again, but when she wasn't with me was like she was masturbating and I was.

00:43:14:16 - 00:43:16:02

Marty

I kind of hope she did.

00:43:16:04 - 00:43:21:06

Luna

You know, wouldn't you be able to tell from phone, how does it work? How do you pay with those phone things?

00:43:21:08 - 00:43:23:11

Marty

Because girls call for free for at least.

00:43:23:11 - 00:43:30:03

Luna

Oh, cool. Okay, I was going to say I'd never heard of male ones, but of course those must exist.

00:43:30:05 - 00:43:40:20

Marty

But yeah, that was fucking hot. Talking about dirty talk. Listening to her get four guys off while I'm fooling around with her. But she didn't do it again. I would love to do that again.

00:43:40:22 - 00:43:43:07

Luna

That's amazing. I hope you have the opportunity.

00:43:43:10 - 00:43:45:14

Marty

Especially with speaker phones instead, you know.

00:43:45:14 - 00:44:00:23

Luna

With bigger phones. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I can't wait for you to meet someone who's like your flavor of kinky. It's going to be great. Amazing. What other turn ons or turn offs have we not gotten to, or other stories that you want to share that we haven't gotten to?

00:44:01:01 - 00:44:19:12

Marty

Well, the big curious thing is really kind of weird for me right now. Comes from a few spots I think. But like way back when I was a teen, before I got married, one of the people, you know, my friends we were just talking about, my girlfriend at the time was telling my wife about me having sex with her, and it was hot.

00:44:19:12 - 00:44:36:12

Marty

And it's like, you know, we were both, you know, I was enjoying telling the story and I asked if I could suck his cock. And he said, I can't return the favor, but go ahead, you know, and I did, and that was the first time ever. And I don't know what prompted that, but I did it and I actually enjoyed it.

00:44:36:12 - 00:45:02:12

Marty

I finished him with the handjob. I didn't, you know, but we never spoke a word of it again. We never did it again. No comment. Like it never happened, never happened again. But I think back in this say I enjoyed that. Then not long after that horny teenager, I'm hanging around by an adult bookstore, which I shouldn't have been, but this guy invites me in and, you know, says he'll buy me a magazine.

00:45:02:12 - 00:45:20:22

Marty

Come on, come on in. So I go in, we go into a video booth, and he pulls out his penis and I give him a handjob. And so I was in my late teen 17 did that? Yeah. And I was really kind of ashamed of that one. But at the same time, it was quite a turn on Total Stranger.

00:45:20:22 - 00:45:41:17

Marty

It's like it was really weird then. Never did nothing like that again, you know, for many, many years until divorce of the second wife. When I told you I had all those photos, she didn't mind me sharing them at first, but then she said no. Then she actually would like looking at because it would post them and then guys would make comments about her.

00:45:41:18 - 00:45:49:02

Marty

And she liked reading that. And, you know, some of them do what you call a tribute on her and like like jerk off video I.

00:45:49:02 - 00:45:51:14

Luna

Love the I love tribute.

00:45:51:16 - 00:46:15:03

Marty

Her picture. And she would see those and she would get real turned on by them and all that. But I tell you this, seeing a cock coming on her picture or over her picture is they would send pictures back like that. That was interesting, But nothing else here. Well, I don't look at a man and he's handsome or I wouldn't want to touch him or whatever.

00:46:15:05 - 00:46:36:19

Marty

I just wouldn't mind sucking the cock. And so some of those guys that we share those with, I had invited over one guy. He's looking at them with me, and I didn't want to bring them into my apartment. So we met in the common area laundry room, like at midnight and looking at her pictures and a jerked him off or talking about it.

00:46:36:21 - 00:47:08:23

Marty

And then another guy that had been in talk with us invited him over and in the cabana area we play pool. Downstairs is a sauna area. We went down in the sauna and I actually sucked him off and he didn't have a condom on. And I think that we went down and it's like pretty much a stranger and I'm in the common area, much that exhibitionism thing again and brought him downstairs and I sucked him off and I finished him with the handjob and then the last and all the other experiences very similar.

00:47:08:23 - 00:47:28:01

Marty

But I invited this guy up into my apartment and he wore a condom, and it was so much more comfortable with it and, you know, stand up. And I was on my knees and this second talk and I liked it. And, you know, he came because he had torn down. So I was worried about it. And it was like, I really enjoyed it.

00:47:28:01 - 00:47:49:14

Marty

But then I was very ashamed of it. And then I just kind of stopped that altogether. But I can't say I don't think about that from time to time or how else I could do that. But like I said, I'm not the least bit interested in a guy. I don't look at them like that. I wouldn't want a guy fucking my ass doesn't appeal to me.

00:47:49:16 - 00:47:58:15

Marty

Oh, I wouldn't mind a woman pegging me the strap on that. I wouldn't want a guy doing it. Okay? You know, and it's so that just kind of weird.

00:47:58:17 - 00:48:00:17

Luna

No, I don't think it's weird.

00:48:00:19 - 00:48:18:04

Marty

But I would mind sucking the cock, and that's. And that's it. Okay. I'm done. Thank you though, you know, like, hey, you know, you treat me hanging up thin shelves over there, I'll suck your cock and that's your payment. Go. Yeah, I because I wouldn't mind sucking the cock, but I don't want to hang out with a guy friend like that.

00:48:18:04 - 00:48:19:09

Luna

Or totally, totally.

00:48:19:11 - 00:48:24:00

Marty

Different. It's just. And I don't I'm not turned on by the thought of a guy sucking me.

00:48:24:02 - 00:48:26:17

Luna

I was going to ask that. Okay. You're not. Not at all.

00:48:26:19 - 00:48:27:10

Marty

Yeah.

00:48:27:12 - 00:48:32:10

Luna

What about in a situation where it's like an orgy and you don't know who's who because you're blindfolded?

00:48:32:12 - 00:48:44:21

Marty

That would be different. I mean, I guess that would be ideal to have some couple that I get invited into and, you know, one girl and two guys, and we could explore that way. Yeah. Interesting.

00:48:44:23 - 00:49:18:21

Luna

I read a book recently called Tell Me What You Want by Justin Lee Miller, who also has a podcast. And it was there that I really started to understand the difference between heterosexual and hetero flexible, and then also just homosexual. I did not understand the idea of hetero flexible. There can be many people that identify as straight, but given a sexual situation, their turn on is wider and may include people with body parts that are similar to or different from their, you know, whatever, whatever their actual sexual identity is.

00:49:18:23 - 00:49:19:12

Luna

So it sounds.

00:49:19:12 - 00:49:33:07

Marty

Like I've never heard that word. That's better than bi curious. Yeah. By curious infers that, you know, I'd like to try something and go farther and see what this felt like and maybe just, you know, it's like I'm not really bi curious. I guess I'm hetero flexible.

00:49:33:09 - 00:49:55:07

Luna

Yeah, it sounds like that to me. And I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I recently just, like, learned the nuance of that phrase and understood it for myself. And also everyone uses their own definitions, so I like to talk about it. Okay, so Marty, all of this makes me think, though, that you might be a great candidate for a sex party or a play party, but I heard you say that that's not something you're necessarily interested in.

00:49:55:09 - 00:49:56:06

Luna

Is that right?

00:49:56:08 - 00:50:16:07

Marty

I'm not. You know, I don't know. I mean, best thing to do is just be honest. I totally feel a little embarrassed because I'm much smaller down there than in the workplace, and I've never had any problem with it, you know, that kind of thing. And so and I'm blessed that it is not an issue for me at my age or whatever, but it's not big.

00:50:16:07 - 00:50:22:12

Marty

So it's always like, if you go to sex parties, it's like, I'm going to be there. This some guy with 12in, I'm going to, oh my God, why am I here?

00:50:22:17 - 00:50:24:00

Luna

Oh.

00:50:24:02 - 00:50:30:02

Marty

That kind of thing. So that kind of makes me a little bit more shy about some things.

00:50:30:04 - 00:50:45:12

Luna

Okay. So if we lived in a society that was different, where everyone was like, we love small penises because you can fuck it as hard as you want, my asshole. And I don't have to worry. You know, most people don't want a giant cock, or most vagina owners I know and talk to are not looking for huge cocks.

00:50:45:13 - 00:51:00:05

Luna

If you theoretically lived in a different society where we didn't have all that weirdness, would you want to go or would you be open to like a small curated space with people you like? Because it sounds like group play could still be a fun thing for you? Or do you feel like that's era of the past?

00:51:00:06 - 00:51:17:10

Marty

Probably would, but it would have to be like, not like the polyamorous thing where like, oh, when they were going to be the cocktail party together and socialize again the next day, we're going to be stripping off all of our clothes. I'd almost rather be anonymous kind of a thing and safe, because that would be that would be more comfortable to me.

00:51:17:12 - 00:51:30:03

Marty

Okay. Yeah. Much like saying going for happy ending massages, it's like, I don't know, these women. Yeah. You know, but I found that and this is horrible. Say, sometimes good happy endings are just cheaper than a girlfriend. It's a lot easier to deal with. You get the massage.

00:51:30:06 - 00:51:31:09

Luna

It's just practical.

00:51:31:09 - 00:51:49:03

Marty

You get. Yeah. You call the shots, do what you want to do, and you don't have to worry about all those other things. It's very practical, which you know, isn't ideal. There's something different. And I never did it before. I had to earn the sexual relationship to some degree and say, you don't.

00:51:49:03 - 00:52:03:14

Luna

So I mean, you still have to be like, there still is an energetic exchange, which I think is important. How did you decide where to go? Did you like Google it? Did you like hear about it? And do you go to the same person or place?

00:52:03:16 - 00:52:21:10

Marty

I don't have a lot of friends who die friends because I'm too busy and all that, so I didn't get any recommendation. That's just in my neighborhood. There's just so many massage spas all over the place, and I actually went to get a massage because my body was pretty beat up from all the work and other things. And so I actually went to get the massage.

00:52:21:10 - 00:52:37:16

Marty

But of course I was curious and optimistic. Hey, maybe it's a happy ending massage. I don't know, I don't know anything about this and I don't want to get arrested or whatever. I had no idea. So I went for the massage and it turns out, it was really easy to get more than the massage. And it's like, oh, okay, I get this now.

00:52:37:16 - 00:52:39:12

Marty

So I went back another time.

00:52:39:12 - 00:52:47:11

Luna

And did they offer what was the easy part? Because I'm like, how does it happen? How do people get offered drugs or massages or happy endings? Like, what was it like?

00:52:47:13 - 00:53:04:09

Marty

It's basically just a massage. But there's also a nice shower table, which I love. What's nice and spoiling is the shower table and, you know, like dry you all off and take care of you like that. But but really, it's like the massage hour for $60 and then they like, oh you want tip. You know, you can tip.

00:53:04:11 - 00:53:05:22

Luna

Okay.

00:53:06:00 - 00:53:09:20

Marty

Committing to the tip is how you say, yeah, I'd like more.

00:53:09:21 - 00:53:11:19

Luna

That's what I, that's the piece I was missing. Okay.

00:53:11:19 - 00:53:18:20

Marty

Okay. Yeah. So what to do with my local area and when I like more than the others. And I'm just comfortable there, you know?

00:53:18:21 - 00:53:23:08

Luna

So great. Are you a porn user at all? Do you watch it? Do you like it?

00:53:23:13 - 00:53:43:18

Marty

I like porn, but I don't watch as much as I, you know, I have many times it's just I'm busy all the time. But of the point that I do like I almost prefer stills than me too foreign. Yeah. Because I'm old school, I guess. Maybe my old Polaroid fetish or whatever. So I like stills and I like of everyday women.

00:53:43:18 - 00:54:05:08

Marty

I don't really like the heavy makeup star, you know, she's doing all her screaming because it's an acting script kind of a thing. I like just the girl next door, everyday woman, you know, kind of pics and videos. To me those are much more interesting. But if I was going to say a different genre, it's like Asian. I have a thing for Asian girls, you know?

00:54:05:08 - 00:54:13:04

Luna

Okay. So okay, what else about your sex life do we need to know that we don't know already?

00:54:13:06 - 00:54:38:10

Marty

Talk to me about the history of exhibitionism. My second wife, I've met her very young, and I think she really did like it. She had no idea, but I introduced it to her. But I can remember she was 18. We ran off together age 18 or so. We were walking home. They walked by a playground and I stripped her naked, had her holding on to the slide, and I fucked her on a slide at the playground doing that, and she liked it.

00:54:38:15 - 00:54:58:01

Marty

And then, you know, another time we were making out outside of the apartment and, basically had her pretty much stripped down, and then some guys come back from a beer run and they walk right by, and there she is, totally open. And they just walked on by. They took an eyeful, but they walked on by the apartment to go back you their beer run.

00:54:58:01 - 00:55:20:08

Marty

But I think she liked those things. And so ever since, it's always like that apartment complex, it'd be daytime. It's a busy street, you know, with a lot of cars and foot traffic in the area, and get her in front of the window and take off her clothes, and she'd be standing in the window in daytime, like 2 or 3 floors up, where, you know, people don't generally look 2 or 3 floors up or whatever.

00:55:20:08 - 00:55:36:23

Marty

But, you know, when you're the one who, you know, it's like she would be so turned on because I'd never stand there in front of the window and I'd be behind her, you know, licking your pussy from behind, you know, and lots of hotel window type stuff like that. And I really enjoyed that. And I think she did, too.

00:55:36:23 - 00:55:58:05

Marty

And then the dirty stories later on, I'll tend to sit together. But she liked being public. She gave me a blowjob in a packed theater one time, and out in the park, very popular foot traffic park in broad daylight. And wow, just lots of things like that. I love it when she go around without a bra and the guys would be looking at her nipples.

00:55:58:05 - 00:56:00:05

Marty

I loved that watching other men look at it.

00:56:00:05 - 00:56:09:10

Luna

It's amazing. How did she give blowjobs in lick? Was it like, how were those sneaky? Or was it not sneaky at all? What? She just like they're doing the sneaky.

00:56:09:11 - 00:56:11:08

Marty

Yeah. Just do it.

00:56:11:10 - 00:56:13:20

Luna

Can I ask you a couple of small penis questions?

00:56:13:22 - 00:56:14:20

Marty

Sure.

00:56:14:22 - 00:56:32:22

Luna

Just because very few people will talk about it, and I do get a lot of messages from a lot of sweet penis owners who have smaller penises and are like, basically saying good things and like, yay, we're good. But when did you know with air quotes that it was air quotes? Small?

00:56:33:00 - 00:56:48:02

Marty

Hard to say, I don't know. You have to do showers in P.E. class and junior high and high school, so maybe then as far as really knowing, I mean, it's probably just from pictures of porn, you know, looking at other people's in that, and then you're comparing your pride to the wrong person at that point.

00:56:48:05 - 00:56:51:13

Luna

So that's my question. How do you know you're small?

00:56:51:15 - 00:57:10:07

Marty

I don't know, it's just I mean, I know it's not big, but I'm not really worried about it because like I said, I'm not Mr. Notches in the bedpost guy. But I've had plenty of partners over the years and I haven't had complaints from any of them, and, you know, that kind of thing. So it stays hard and, you know, everything works fine on it.

00:57:10:07 - 00:57:23:19

Marty

It's like it'd be different than if I had a ten inch, but I couldn't get it up at my age and have to take my egg, or I don't need any of that, which looks fine if you do, but I'm blessed that I don't need to, so I've never had any troubles with it. It works just fine. It gets the job done.

00:57:23:21 - 00:57:32:01

Marty

But you know, it's one of those things that it's a stigma that I guess guys get taught or untaught, you know, I never thought of it much.

00:57:32:03 - 00:57:49:08

Luna

I even want to talk about it more just because I've gotten a few. I'm catching up on email, so I'm reading the email at the same time. I want to also just say, in my own personal experience, a lot of my partners who think that they're small are like pretty average and just numbers wise, I think the U.S. national average is like five point something inches.

00:57:49:10 - 00:58:12:09

Luna

And so it's like, that's not small, actually. But most people who I have dealt with personally, who think that they're small have just watched so much porn and they don't understand that most ladies don't want something that's above seven, you know, like it's like that's kind of a max for a lot of people. Everyone's different. There are definitely size queens, but most of the people who I have dealt with in my personal life think they're small.

00:58:12:10 - 00:58:27:21

Luna

They actually have great sized cocks, but if they were bigger, I would get poked. So I just want to present that. Wrapping up, what are your sexual hopes for yourself going forward? Whether it's specific fantasies or just general? Here's how I want my sex life to be the rest of my life.

00:58:27:23 - 00:58:46:06

Marty

I just hope that I can find somebody who I can be myself with and be a little kinky and is okay with it, but they're busy enough with their own world that sex isn't the end all be all for everything. And they're fine with, you know, the, you know, my restaurant manager thing. It's like, I don't have a lot of time.

00:58:46:06 - 00:59:04:16

Marty

So it has to be somebody who's confident on their own. It's not me who's like, you know, oh, you didn't call me five times today. It's like, I don't do that, you know? This is not what I do. I can love somebody without that. But it's hard to find the person that's accepting you getting to be my age because there's so many more rules.

00:59:04:16 - 00:59:20:16

Marty

When you're a teenager, you don't have all those barriers and rules and things brought up in your head. But at my age, you know, people have these certain things and he has to have a newer car or, you know, bank account or I only like a guy who's, you know, over five, eight or, you know, all these rules.

00:59:20:16 - 00:59:31:11

Marty

You see it on the dating sites, you know, but he can't smoke or he can't, you know, no. For 20 and all these, you know, so many rules that women my age have that younger women don't.

00:59:31:13 - 00:59:40:11

Luna

Isn't it amazing how many dating profiles say, I don't want this, none of that. And they spend very little energy focusing on what they do want. That's something I find fascinating.

00:59:40:13 - 00:59:58:04

Marty

And who they really are, because it's like, I love this, not me. If you do not, you're just saying the things you think you're right, you know, I know I would like to find somebody like that who's, you know, comfortable not having to be owned by each other. A lot of freedom in your personal, you know. And yeah, that would be great.

00:59:58:06 - 01:00:18:02

Marty

And somebody who's kinky and unusual enough and willing to do those fun things. But I'm horrible safe. And if I got spoiled or not, I just like younger girls. And I've been lucky enough, like I said, when my second wife, she was 17, I was 27. I got out of that relationship and have a few girlfriends. One is still my great friend.

01:00:18:02 - 01:00:43:03

Marty

She's wonderful, but the other girl's like 30 years younger than me. Not not like the 25 years younger than me. And you know, she was 22. I started dating her. We were together for like 7 or 8 years. And the other one that was really wild and kinky, and she was 29, 28. And I'm 52, you know, so I've gotten spoiled like that.

01:00:43:03 - 01:00:55:23

Marty

So I got to find somebody who maybe who's my age, who's open enough, but the boss that I have a crush on right now, she's 35, you know. So that's a hard thing for me because I don't feel my age. I feel very young for my life.

01:00:55:23 - 01:01:21:02

Luna

So that's what I was going to say. Age is a number, and it's for me, more important that someone has a similar lifestyle and value system, because that actually affects our bodies way more than anything. Like, I just want to find someone whose habits are kind of compatible with my own. Also, as a person who's dated people that are ten, 20, 30 years older than herself over the course of many ages, all from the point of being onward, I think it's fine.

01:01:21:02 - 01:01:23:18

Luna

I don't think we need another reason to judge ourselves.

01:01:23:20 - 01:01:25:07

Marty

That would be nice.

01:01:25:09 - 01:01:31:04

Luna

Okay. Do you have any final thoughts on sex in general that you want to share?

01:01:31:06 - 01:01:38:15

Marty

Trying to figure out whether my stuff is normal or if I'm a little weird or, you know, that's.

01:01:38:17 - 01:01:40:18

Luna

How are you going to try to figure it out, do you think?

01:01:40:19 - 01:01:43:16

Marty

I don't know, talking to you helps, you know, that's one way.

01:01:43:18 - 01:02:02:19

Luna

You seem like a normal pervert to me. Like a normal, good kind of pervert who's thoughtful and horny and have a lot that just. Just. I'm not a professional, am I? Professional? I'm not a professional labeler of people. But I do talk to people about sex a lot. And I don't think you should be worried. I can really relate to what it feels like to be very horny.

01:02:02:21 - 01:02:21:08

Luna

I'm curious and kinky and full of desire, and not be surrounded by people who also feel that. And I judge myself for a long time, like pretty much up until last year. Well, since this podcast, I finally started making friends that like honor and celebrate the horny, kinky parts of myself that I felt like I could never bring out into the open.

01:02:21:08 - 01:02:31:12

Luna

And so I'm still kind of like, well, for me it's a life integration, but most people it's kind of not public. So I don't think you're weird. I don't think you need to worry. It's just my $0.02, you know?

01:02:31:12 - 01:02:33:18

Marty

That's good. It's not.

01:02:33:20 - 01:02:40:12

Luna

Okay. If you could go back in time and give younger you a piece of sex advice, what age or ages would you pick? And what would you say?

01:02:40:14 - 01:03:04:09

Marty

Probably like early 20s. Like. Right. Getting out of the divorce and telling myself, you know what, people are more interested in being friends and having relationships. And if you can have sex doing that, great. And learn that women are just as horny as you are because it's good for a guy, it's always like, we have this challenge that we have to, you know, break down and make for the girls.

01:03:04:09 - 01:03:10:07

Marty

Like, you know, they actually want to say yes. They just have to fight to say no. They actually want to say yes as much as we do.

01:03:10:12 - 01:03:12:18

Luna

It's got to be a nice circumstance.

01:03:12:20 - 01:03:27:04

Marty

Yeah. They have more to lose, you know. So yeah, if I would teach myself that, I probably would have had a lot more confidence with women because like, you know, sometimes you get afraid you're going to get shut down or whatever. It's like, just go for it. Don't be afraid because you don't be afraid to get shut down.

01:03:27:07 - 01:03:47:10

Marty

Yes, you know and realize that they're humans just like you. You're actually probably the same exact just have different body parts, but they think dirty thoughts and they like kinky stuff. And, you know, if I could teach myself that, I probably would have been a lot more successful with relationships and stuff because I did learn it. You know.

01:03:47:10 - 01:03:59:13

Marty

But so now I actually have to keep myself more contained because I'm more likely to say something out there to somebody that don't say that to me. You know, I'm a little bit more open like that.

01:03:59:19 - 01:04:16:14

Luna

Yeah, well, it's tough to figure out who you can say certain things to, especially when you don't know when we don't have context. And that's we're in an era now where we just don't know all the answers. Whereas if it's someone that you met on like Fit Life, fit Life is like the kinky Facebook kind of it's a kinky social network, you know?

01:04:16:14 - 01:04:31:12

Luna

So if you're meeting someone there, you probably are allowed to talk about more kinky stuff. But if you've met someone at a coffee shop, I don't make assumptions. I try to not talk about my sex life out in the world unless somebody else initiates it. Or when when they go, what kind of podcast you have. And I say, oh, a sex podcast.

01:04:31:12 - 01:04:38:12

Luna

And then they're like interested. Those are kind of the, the things I look for. Lastly, do you have a sex question for me?

01:04:38:14 - 01:04:58:22

Marty

I'm awkward with things you're talking about, like dental dam for safe sex and all those kind of things. I just don't understand all that. And how do you go about that without, you know, offending a woman? It's like, no, hold on just a second. You know, it's like you don't believe that. You know, I'm clear. It's like, because I love to give, but that, you know, scares me.

01:04:58:22 - 01:05:02:14

Marty

And I'm. She's a dental dam. I've never done anything like that.

01:05:02:16 - 01:05:25:21

Luna

I find dental dams difficult to use. I have used them. My most successful, enjoyable session that I had with a partner with a dental dam was like we made it about how hot the fact that we weren't touching was going to be, so it was because it really was sensation. Now I have a very sensitive clitoris that when there is a barrier over it, or even just like panties, it's so hot.

01:05:25:21 - 01:05:44:21

Luna

It's so hot. For me, holding the square is tough, so I really recommend this product called Laurel's. And this is not they don't pay me. I just am a big fan. And I interviewed the founder, Melanie Crystal on a Sex at Work episode last year. So they are natural rubber latex panties. You can just pull them on and have full coverage.

01:05:44:21 - 01:06:06:18

Luna

And for me it makes it more about just like safety, it makes me more likely to receive. It means that they can like look around my butthole without me necessarily needing to know every single detail of their saliva history. I do try to make sure that the saliva stays away depending on how well I know them, just because, like, that's the whole point of using a barrier is keeping away those juices down there.

01:06:06:20 - 01:06:36:18

Luna

But I think, you know, it takes some practice. But I think just speaking to it being like, I've never used this before, do you want to help me try it or do you want to be my test subject? Those are some ways that I've gotten into stuff that I felt nervous about being particularly nerdy or judged about. And then also, I don't know if someone's super weirded out by stuff in my experience, they usually just poof away, and I've gotten really comfortable with that because I do assert boundaries, but I feel like vagina owners are mostly just going to get really turned on by the fact that you are prioritizing their safety.

01:06:36:20 - 01:06:54:00

Luna

I know the thing I hear from women when I talk to them about health and safety conversations is that they rarely have a man bring it up, but all of the ladies I know personally think it's super fucking hot when we don't have to do all the emotional labor of like, hey, can I please make sure I'm safe, you know?

01:06:54:00 - 01:07:16:19

Luna

So experiment. Laurel's if you go to my laurel.com, you can buy them. They're really great. They're comfy and they stretch into all shapes and sizes. So it's also good for anyone with any number of body parts, any kind of any shape of body parts to use if they're curious about getting their asshole licked. For some people, too, it's also helps with the feeling of like, oh, it's too personal.

01:07:16:19 - 01:07:31:13

Luna

If your face is down there, but if they're wearing these little panties, then it's easier. It's so much easier than a dental dam. Dental dams are hard to carry. They come in a park, they fall open like health and safety was not set up for female pleasure. But you could be the person that helps the stranger. You know, all of us together.

01:07:31:15 - 01:07:36:21

Luna

So that's my $0.02 on those things. Marty, thank you so much for being a guest on the show.

01:07:36:23 - 01:07:41:22

Marty

It's been my pleasure. I haven't actually enjoyed it, so. And I enjoy listening to your shows.

01:07:42:00 - 01:07:42:15

Luna

Thank you.