263B | Playful Parts & Potential Partners: May’s Bucket List Wishes
- Luna Robbie
- May 1, 2024
- 35 min read
Mailbag time 💌 Luna answers your burning questions, shares your stories, and celebrates your wins!
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:28:17
Luna
This month I would like to know about your playful parts. Here are my questions. If you had to rate yourself on a phono meter, or it would be very fun to maybe say phenomena, but when I say it like that, nobody knows what I mean from one being the lowest to ten being the highest.
00:00:28:19 - 00:00:47:06
Luna
Tell us where you fall today and why you picked that number next. When it's time for play, what do you do and who do you do it with? And this is in your ideal circumstances. Or give us a smattering. I love a sampler platter. You know, give us a little potpourri of answers. What were your favorite ways to play when you were growing up?
00:00:47:08 - 00:01:11:01
Luna
Do you identify as an introvert, extrovert, or introvert? And so that's someone in the middle, right? Introverts get fueled by being alone. Extroverts get fueled by being out and about. I'm probably somewhere in between. I'm like both and depends on circumstances. I definitely need a lot of alone time to recharge. Tell us when do you feel drained by people and when do you feel energized by them?
00:01:11:03 - 00:01:31:18
Luna
Next. How do you like to play with strangers? Coworkers? Friends? Family? Partners? Yourself? And again, this can be the idealized version or the version that you actually do, right. And hopefully there's some overlap. How, if at all, do you like to plan your fun and play time? Are you more likely to be an initiator or a receiver of invitations?
00:01:31:19 - 00:01:54:02
Luna
What is an example of an invitation that you are most likely to say an immediate unhesitating yes to? Oh, this is interesting. So this list of questions was written 6 or 8 months before I wrote the outline to Irresistible Invitations. That is very interesting. What types of invitations make you cringe? But you say yes to them anyway? What types of invitations are a thank you?
00:01:54:02 - 00:02:15:23
Luna
No, please. What sort of parties or events are the most fun for you? What specific elements or experiences that leave you feel satisfied from an outing? Do you prefer to be the host of a party? The life of the party, a supportive guest, a person who stays by the snacks and drinks the whole time? That is me or something else.
00:02:16:01 - 00:02:41:20
Luna
I can also be the host that stays next to snacks and drinks. That's fine with me. Also, if I'm a photographer, I can be the photographer of the party. I like to have a job. I guess I could practice just like going and being in the wild, but I feel like unless I am with someone as their accompanying date, I usually get into very strange circumstances when I go places alone to social outings.
00:02:41:20 - 00:03:04:06
Luna
So I'm like, give me a job. Have you had an experience where something that was supposed to be fun and playful ended up being very painful? Does play factor into your love life, or does love factor into your play life in the next decade? What are three fun ventures or plays plantations you would like to cross off your bucket list?
00:03:04:07 - 00:03:25:14
Luna
Of any size, right? But they have to include fun. Not just like a travel thing. I mean, travel can be fun, but tell us specifics of why it would be fun for you if you were visited by the most playful past version of yourself right now, or most playful part of your current self? How old are they and what advice would they give to current?
00:03:25:14 - 00:03:47:03
Luna
You tell me what you think of those questions. Tell me if I am missing any questions to add to my playlist of questions. And I would really, really love to hear any of your answers. And they can be sexy or not, right? So play is used in a broad sense. I am using the word play more and more because Instagram can't censor if I talk about play, haha.
00:03:47:05 - 00:04:08:16
Luna
Next up, questions from you to me along with stories along with celebrations. First high why I loved your dating questions and I wanted to share a recent dating win I just had. Oh, my nesting partner travels for work a lot, so I've been looking for snuggle cuties on the apps, and I really appreciated this question from a recent match.
00:04:08:16 - 00:04:37:21
Luna
After we had made plans for our first meetup, I should note making plans also felt hopeful and easy because he was like you recently said, collaborating in the connection. Oh good job. I noticed I have become unfortunately accustomed to what seems to be a terrible new norm of gents gents. Oh, maybe I should be reading this in a British accent, who apparently expect me to do all the date planning and decision making, and then also split the bill because they're feminists.
00:04:37:23 - 00:05:02:13
Luna
But I digress. We matched. We easily made fun, creative date plans together, and once we had made plans, he asked me, what's your vibe with texting under these circumstances? Maybe some flirty banter or some incredibly deep philosophical text conversations? Or just save it all for roller skating? And then he gave a nice specific look on offer for more information about, apparently, a secret event that she was invited to.
00:05:02:14 - 00:05:22:05
Luna
Oh that's fun. I let him know that I love that question, and I opted for in-person, and now I am looking forward to an exploration with a person who has demonstrated an ability to think through my experience. And that is hot. Thanks for all you do. T. I have also since heard that that date went well and I'm fucking celebrating the shit out of that like I.
00:05:22:07 - 00:05:44:02
Luna
Yes. Thank you. More please. What a beautiful example. I love that celebration. Okay, this is a question from M. Hi. While I contacted you a while back to let you know, I came out as part of my wife. Thanks in part to your show. I don't know if you remember. I do remember I remember more about people who probably think we are strangers, and that is a weird imbalance in my life because I'm like, yes, my friend.
00:05:44:02 - 00:06:00:17
Luna
And then people are like, what? And then people like you, my friend. And I'm like, who are you? And I'm like, if I actually know, like if you wrote me with your name and you're using the same name and I know who you are again, I can't tell who you are. If you're using a hidden screen name like that, my brain won't save.
00:06:00:19 - 00:06:15:09
Luna
That's why I like email. I can remember a name, and then if I want to know a specific detail, I'm pretty good about remembering. People have hundreds of people in my brain. Anyway, yes, I remember you. I'm contacting you because I have a bit of a conundrum. I've been given permission to play with other guys by my partner.
00:06:15:10 - 00:06:34:05
Luna
That sounds great. There's a conundrum coming, but the search for play partners has been, well, difficult. Yes, I've tried the hookup apps like Grindr, Scruff Sniffers, and Squirt, but there's a lot of discreet and download guys on there, and that's kind of not my thing. I feel that I've also tried for life, but it makes no sense to me.
00:06:34:06 - 00:06:54:01
Luna
There is a learning curve on FET life. There's definitely a learning curve, and if you're not kinky especially, it could be very overwhelming. It is also very difficult in my opinion, to look at. But again, a lot of online interfaces, unless they're very beautiful and the notifications make sense and the platform actually works, are kind of tough. That is where I think Instagram actually has it going on.
00:06:54:01 - 00:07:09:12
Luna
It's one of the most, although I haven't been on in a minute, so I'm probably confused by it now. And field I hate field, I hate field. I'm just gonna say nothing, but it seems hard to use. Also, I hear field is glitchy. I haven't been on lately. I don't love that app. So long story short, pleura.
00:07:09:12 - 00:07:27:08
Luna
Pleura is another one. Formerly bloom. We interviewed Noah Ellen of Bloom. Long story short, I'm wondering if you or anyone you know has tips or suggestions on how to find play partners in a safe, ethical manner to remove some of the stress from what should just be some fun. I mean, yeah, I hope you don't take it the wrong way.
00:07:27:10 - 00:07:53:06
Luna
I love getting questions, I don't. You were lovely to me in the past, and I really appreciate that. I don't want to bother you if you're asking me work related questions, I do not feel bothered, especially when I can share them publicly. Thanks. Hope you're doing well. I mostly get bothered if people are making overt sexual things without introducing themselves, or trying to take a lot of my time for free when they really just need to schedule like a one on one call to talk through some shit, right?
00:07:53:06 - 00:08:17:02
Luna
So like if you have a question or something you're struggling with, I love receiving that in a message because usually it applies to multiple people. We all have the same kind of basic sets of questions, and I find that very helpful. Okay. So thanks. Hope you're doing well. So this is probably the most common question I get other than how do I ask or tell or get my partner to blink right.
00:08:17:05 - 00:08:40:17
Luna
Those those are kind of the two forms of like how do I date and how do I once I have a partner talk to them? The answer is talk to them. The answer is date. I don't know of any shortcuts. If I did, I would probably have even more partners and like more of a sex life. There are people I have spoken to an interview on Pod who are excellent daters, and they are very clear on what they want and what they need.
00:08:40:17 - 00:09:00:16
Luna
So I would say start by asking yourself if I'm on an app, if I'm going to try to use an app, how clear is my profile, right? It doesn't mean that idiots are going to read your profile, right? Like when people are scrolling through when they're just going so fast, they're just swiping. They may not pay attention to the thoughtful stuff you wrote, but but that also helps you filter.
00:09:00:18 - 00:09:26:02
Luna
Do you have an irresistible invitation for the types of dudes that you're looking for? Are you willing to pay for one app? You know, maybe I didn't hear OkCupid in there. I hear a lot of people have success on that. I don't know about, you know, like it's various things for queer people. I have heard that a lot of people who have success on apps are willing to pay for filtering, or they're willing to just spend the time and have the mindset where they know they're going to be filtering.
00:09:26:04 - 00:09:54:14
Luna
I personally really struggle with apps. I am not I mean, I'm probably currently on them, but I haven't been like swiping or active in quite some time because I believe that they fuck up the human dopamine system. Right? Part of what is exciting about a new connection is the novelty. And when our dopamine system spikes or gets attenuated to the swiping and the likes and the hearts, and then you chat like in that previous example, in-person is always my favorite way to connect.
00:09:54:14 - 00:10:17:18
Luna
I will now do like a quick little FaceTime to make sure that that person is a person and do a vibe check. But like it's been a minute since I've done that. I prefer to meet people in person. Personally, that's a different level of time commitment, and it also has its own set of difficulties in terms of filtering and also now because of the normalization of apps and because a lot of people are like, I never learned how to do friends after the pandemic again.
00:10:17:18 - 00:10:37:01
Luna
I never recovered my social skills. I don't know why I'm on my phone all the time, and because so many people are screen addicted. In-person stuff has its own set of difficulties, right? But I do hear from plenty of people who are using them successfully, and I personally am noodling on finding a friend to help me navigate them in boundary time.
00:10:37:03 - 00:10:55:23
Luna
If you wanted to be part of the co-working co-working, that could be a good time. Even if you don't do it on the live stream. If you set aside a time every day. Right. So, this I recommend for anyone dating this book. This is supposed to be fun by Myesha battle. How to find joy in hooking up, settling down, and everything in between.
00:10:56:01 - 00:11:15:14
Luna
And I think that she has some really, really clear things about how to write your profile. And I'm just going to read you the table of contents. Part one Know thyself. Part two do no harm. Part three leave it better than you found it. There's lots of subheadings that are great. There's practical stuff in here. The main takeaway is, are you presenting yourself clearly?
00:11:15:15 - 00:11:33:09
Luna
Do you know what you want? And then can you like, hang and communicate? Basically, this is her kind of like formula. I'm on page 50 of her book for take a moment to put together a few sentences that incorporate what you're looking for and your values. Below are a few suggestions to get you started. I really value blank.
00:11:33:11 - 00:12:00:07
Luna
I am looking for someone who blank. The most important thing to know about me is blank, you know? So is it perfect? Are apps ever going to be perfect? No. Are people ever going to be perfect? No. I would ask you. And what I have been making an effort to do more is are there events you might go to in your area in person, where you might meet people who are on your page?
00:12:00:09 - 00:12:20:16
Luna
I don't know how good your gaydar is. Mine is terrible. But I also do not have any like, concerns around being like you. You you know, I'm also not in a place where I'm going out to hit on people because I need to see what the other person is bringing to the table first. Right? So it sounds like I can't tell.
00:12:20:16 - 00:12:41:07
Luna
It sounds like you don't want to just hook up with people. Or maybe you do want to hook up with people you just don't like the on the DL thing. I don't know if that's a product of the area that you're in. I would say if you are looking for hookups, probably stick to hookup apps, because if you're looking for a personal connection and you just want to hook up there, often I hear from a lot of people where there are mismatches because of that, right?
00:12:41:09 - 00:13:03:21
Luna
I'm a person who confuses people a lot because I have a strong capacity for boundaries, which means I can really, really fully enjoy a play connection, a sexual connection, a work connection, a very specific type of connection. And it does not mean that I want, like, I love to eat a bite of metaphorical cake without eating the whole cake right?
00:13:03:23 - 00:13:41:16
Luna
I cannot eat cake in real life because it has too much sugar. But I would say get really clear on what you are wanting and if it's a hookup. If you're looking for an additional relationship, right? Most of the time I hear that people who have a primary partner and are looking for another primary partner, whether it's of the same penis or pussy owning parts or otherwise, most of the time, partnered people seem like busy enough or like they like, have it together in their life enough that they're sort of, like, I have to take time and put effort into.
00:13:41:17 - 00:14:02:13
Luna
I'm used to having a partner right there and that that is part of dating. So it also could be as simple as a mindset shift, right? Like decide how much time you want to spend every week looking, maybe go to some gay bookstores. But here's the other thing. It's like you can meet someone in person somewhere, hit it off, hook up, connect, and then find out afterward that they're on the DL.
00:14:02:13 - 00:14:24:09
Luna
So in some ways, apps have the benefit of getting really clear ahead of time on are we on the same page or you have to really practice your human ninja skills of making sure that those boxes are checked for you? And I think the more practice we have, the more we are clear. For myself, during the times where I've been like, all right, I'm dating this month, I set time aside and I make it a project or activity, right?
00:14:24:09 - 00:14:49:04
Luna
For me, it is a project. It is something that I am pursuing. It is a priority. If it's not a priority for you, then I mean, that's speaks for itself. Easy. But, I think also just trust the divine timing. Trust the unfolding. And if you're not wanting to put too much work into it, or if it's feeling distracting, like take your foot off the gas and ask yourself what needs to happen in order for this to feel fun, right?
00:14:49:10 - 00:15:06:21
Luna
Is there a way to simplify? It sounds like you're on a lot of apps. If you're on a lot of apps at once, maybe just focus on one at a time to see, I don't know. I have never been on more than to actively at a time personally, and I would say sniffy was described to me as Grindr on crack.
00:15:06:21 - 00:15:25:13
Luna
So I don't know. There also could be meetup groups or support groups. I don't know if you have any sort of like local queer centers in your area. I've heard from people where that's really hit or miss, really hit or miss. But just I, I like to meet people in person. I go to kink events. I just went to Kink Fest in Portland.
00:15:25:15 - 00:15:40:05
Luna
I'm also like, I don't know, do I want too many friends in my what if the friends get in the way of my work? What if they don't like my work? What if they try to distract me? So I really like meeting people who have things in common with me who fit into my life. I like meeting other artists.
00:15:40:06 - 00:16:02:08
Luna
I like, I love sex workers. I love sexy people. I like to find people who are just kind of on my same wavelength. And I have been finding more of that by going to events in person, which again, is in some ways a higher level of commitment than apps. But I like the in-person vibes too. More than anything, just continue to stay in touch with what you want and believe that it's possible right?
00:16:02:10 - 00:16:24:13
Luna
According to neuroscience, not woo, but also woo. Our experience is a combination of our beliefs and the actual things that are happening, the actual physical, tangible things. So it's not beliefs alone. It's not behavior alone, it's behavior plus beliefs. So the words that you say, the thoughts that you think are incredibly important. So believing it's possible is also part of it.
00:16:24:15 - 00:16:42:04
Luna
The more we think apps are terrible, the more our brain, because of confirmation bias and how it works will only notice the terrible. And you might miss a sweet sniffy or a sweet grind, I don't know. I have also heard from people that they meet people on social media. It sounds like FET life is where you were looking, so maybe you are looking for kink specific stuff.
00:16:42:06 - 00:17:10:17
Luna
But that phrase slide into DMs exists for real. And so I have never hit on a stranger on social media because I personally fucking detest it. But I hear a lot of people are into that. So, I wish you luck and I would like to hear your unfolding along the way. Okay. Next. Hello. While I have been listening to X stories formerly known as Sex Stories for just over a year now, and I have been learning so much from hearing you and your guests that I love learning things.
00:17:10:19 - 00:17:26:18
Luna
I am currently laughing out loud about dating. Your questions from last month have helped me reflect on my sifting process. Good order, good job Kimberly and some of my over excitement patterns. I recently met a guy on a night out. We kissed, but I knew almost nothing about him other than that he seemed younger than me and wanted to ask me out.
00:17:26:18 - 00:17:54:01
Luna
Okay. Ooh, a brave explorer. Long story short, it was a disappointing week. Damn. But in the past I would have kept trying to make it work because it is exciting to get attention. Relatable. But since I've been thinking about your irresistible invitations, best dates, and dream dates, while he wasn't the worst I have had, but none of our interactions were as exciting as meeting a cute stranger in the dark on a dance floor that is exciting.
00:17:54:01 - 00:18:09:18
Luna
Now in person meetings M maybe you should go to a dance floor. Are there gay dance clubs? That could be a place. That is where a lot of my queer friends meet people. How did that not pop into my head sooner? The clincher, though, was sex. I was honest about the fact that I am a sex worker. Woohoo!
00:18:09:22 - 00:18:27:10
Luna
And when I tried to flirt and get curious about what he was into, to see if there was at least a fun physical overlap instead of engaging with me, he just told me I must be so good at asking questions because of my work experience. Damn. In the past I might have dragged it out for weeks, giving him the benefit of the doubt.
00:18:27:10 - 00:18:44:01
Luna
This time it was just over a week and I stayed curious, but I got all the info I needed to thank him and say that I don't feel much of an overlap. I'm curious about your personal vetting process and how long you give someone you might date. If that's too personal, no need to answer. You guys are so cute thinking about my experience.
00:18:44:01 - 00:19:02:06
Luna
I love it when people think about my experience. But nope, that's not where my boundary lines are. That's that is. Apparently I'm an overshare according to some people, but that's the question I would add to your list, even though I'm sure it varies, it does vary. Thank you for the pod and for this dating win. Well, thank you for making your own dating one.
00:19:02:06 - 00:19:24:22
Luna
I want to make sure I give you credit there, with ripples of love and okay, that is a fucking cute email. And also, the question. Let's see. Well, first, I wanted to celebrate that you're listening to yourself because that is a skill that has taken me a long time to hone and to sort of figure out that it's not about me being like, well, you need to behave this way, okay?
00:19:24:22 - 00:19:55:19
Luna
So in order to make me happy, you need to behave like this. And to answer your question, I don't give people very long anymore. I now listen the first time that they tell me who they are, right? And I am always open to growth, but I stop putting out effort as soon as whatever the first thing, whatever the first big for me, like flag or problem or issue is I'm like, oh well, your actions didn't match your words.
00:19:55:19 - 00:20:18:00
Luna
So I am now going to notice that that is not a thing. And going forward, I will assume that is always a possibility. Like we are now in the zone where it could be one or the other. Now keep in mind you're talking to a very single, usually pretty happy single but dating person. And when I say dating, I don't mean any sort of like ongoing relationship escalator.
00:20:18:00 - 00:20:39:06
Luna
I do have one ongoing connection right now, but I'm a really specific personality, so I need I need someone to really show up in the ways that they say they are. And for me, consistency is the most important. So that's kind of like what I look for. And time lengths very mostly I'm filtering people out pretty quickly. If we make it the in person, I will always at least see the first date through, right?
00:20:39:12 - 00:21:00:22
Luna
I will pretty much finish out whatever exploration we agree to, and so that can be any length of time, right? If it's a phone call, I'll do the phone call. I meet in the phone call earlier. I may end the date earlier if it feels complete to me, but I will wait until it feels complete. I did recently have an exploration that was like a because of circumstances, and because of the irresistible invitation attached to.
00:21:00:22 - 00:21:23:18
Luna
It was a two day experience and I you know, it was kind of a mixed experience. It had some really high highs and some very confusing parts. And so like midway through day one, I was like, what should I just go do I still want to be here? And I realized that for myself, because of how my curiosity brain works, I would have felt really disappointed if I ended the exploration early.
00:21:23:18 - 00:21:38:13
Luna
And I decided that, like, the highs were good enough, like the good parts were good enough for both parties, right? I, I could tell that the other person was also having a good time, because they were telling me constantly how good of a time they were having, and we were on the same page ahead of time about like, rule number one, don't try to marry me.
00:21:38:13 - 00:21:58:05
Luna
Rule number two, don't try to hop on a relationship escalator with me. Rule number three, we're going to be going like moment to moment, connection to connection. So I was like, well, I already made it clear that I'm down for this container. So I was like, I'm going to finish the rest of the container. Even though looking back, I think I will never give a brand new person two days of my life ever again.
00:21:58:07 - 00:22:18:12
Luna
So I learned a lot from that, and I think I would just going forward, do an hour or two at a time and then see and I no longer have very much confusion around like is someone adding like, is there a mutual add of value to each other's lives? I don't mean it in a cold hearted transaction sense.
00:22:18:12 - 00:22:44:17
Luna
I also personally don't think transactional things are cold hearted, but I mean, if I'm having fun, if I'm getting something out of it, if I'm still curious, if I'm excited, if I have an excitement feeling, I will continue to follow it. If they also seem to be exhibiting that right, I don't chase people anymore. I also no longer try to correct behaviors, especially early on in my early online dating experience was terrible because I'd be like, well, in order to see me.
00:22:44:18 - 00:23:03:13
Luna
You mean Papa? Papa and I still have those impulses because it's really a new skill that it finally dropped in deeply. Like the biggest learning from my relationship with my former master is when someone shows you who they are, when their behavior doesn't change, all I get to do is set a boundary. So since I got really good at being like, well, here's what I'm available for.
00:23:03:15 - 00:23:21:11
Luna
And making boundaries are rules about my behaviors, not rules about the other person's behavior. So the more that I do that, that just decides what time it is. And it sounds like you did a really good job of being like, is this fun for me? Is this adding something to my life? And I step away? If the answer is no.
00:23:21:13 - 00:23:44:01
Luna
So I'm celebrating you and thank you for such a beautiful share. Oh yeah. Okay, so this I mentioned this in the previous episode, part one of this update. I've gotten a few different versions of this question at varying lengths, but it basically comes down to like when I will say the phrase co-creation. What exactly do I mean? I mean, a lot of things.
00:23:44:05 - 00:24:11:22
Luna
I it could be an art project, it could be a relationship. It literally just means I am making someone up with another person in real time. Right. So I do use it in sexual terms. I see every relationship, every sexual exploration as a co-creation. I like to say place co-creation because it kind of rhymes. And also it reminds us that it is an exploration and also both parties involved are responsible.
00:24:12:00 - 00:24:47:12
Luna
I most honor the reason that I am single is because I refuse to curate experiences for complete strangers when they are not meeting me with equal curiosity and effort, right? Apparently I'm so excited about everything. Apparently I'm more enthusiastic than anyone they've ever met. So when I'm with someone who is like reflecting this and I know, I know, most people mean like, wow, you're so different as a compliment.
00:24:47:14 - 00:25:06:00
Luna
But when I have just met someone and they're already telling me how different and far away I am, it usually means they are placing me on a pedestal. And now I'm the leader and they just want to be the follower and they want to eat up my yummy experience. And it feels kind of like deadweight. So when I say co-creation, I mean active.
00:25:06:02 - 00:25:23:15
Luna
It's like active consent, right? It's like active, ongoing mutual pleasure. That is what I mean. And I mean, we're play friends. Like, think of being kids on a playground except for grown ups. What do you want to do now? Well, I don't know, like, kids are great at consent conversations and for speaking up, they're bound. I mean, not all of them, but, like, if you all listen on playground.
00:25:23:21 - 00:25:41:10
Luna
No, I don't want that. I don't like it. Let's do it this way now, you know, and they figure it out. Where did I hear that? Recently someone gave that example. I was like, brilliant. Maybe confessed. I can't remember, but I could mean we are doing a photo shoot. I could mean that I am your photo dom, and you are my worthless little submissive who has to show me how he touches that cock.
00:25:41:10 - 00:25:59:19
Luna
Don't you dare come until I say so. I could mean that I am the submissive and I am serving someone. I'm. Maybe I'm getting spanked. Maybe we're working on a painting together. Maybe we're collaging side by side. Maybe we're getting together for an evening of hangout, and we decide if we want to go hot tubbing or eat food first or whatever.
00:25:59:19 - 00:26:26:02
Luna
I'm using the term very broadly. Part of that is because I am willingly algorithm and running away from censorship because I can't fight it. I'm one single independent artist, so I mean a collaboration between two individuals toward a common goal, and it could look like a little creation, like we think of it like as an artist situation, or most of the time I'm using it to talk about relational things, whatever that looks like.
00:26:26:04 - 00:26:48:08
Luna
In OnlyFans, I think I got this question from one of my only fans too that's like, well, how do you want to play? Do you want to order a custom? Do you want a sexy sex talk? Do you want to inspire me to do a photoshoot with your kinks? Like, it can literally be whatever we want, but we both need to be willing to be vulnerable enough to share our desires with each other and to say, yes, I want to do this.
00:26:48:08 - 00:27:04:12
Luna
No, it would turn me on if it was like that. Whatever. So that's what I mean. I mean, getting together to figure out what feels what a fun way to play. And if you're confused, 52 days of play will be full of hopefully, co-creation. We'll see. At the very least, I'll have co clone creations and that is just me.
00:27:04:12 - 00:27:25:00
Luna
But it's me and wigs exploring all the different parts of myself. Okay. Another question. So I wanted to ask what's some of your favorite smut books specifically? Something witty, funny, good character development slash plot along with some good scenes. My wife has been getting into smut lately and she read really good series, but has been let down since just looking for more good recommendations for her.
00:27:25:00 - 00:27:48:00
Luna
It can be just the guy in a girl three way group. Whatever lovers. Do you have a favorite smut book series? Lit erotica? Whatever. What do you like to read? Where do you like to read it? I don't, I don't read smut and there's no judgment there. I just mostly read sci fi fantasy with sex scenes written into it, which I don't know if that's what you're asking, but I will tell you my favorite things.
00:27:48:02 - 00:28:06:23
Luna
And then I read a lot of, I mean, right now, actually, I'm reading the letters from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch and then Venus in Fur. So I don't know if that's what you mean, but that's what I'm reading right now. It's hot. It's interesting. But I did reach out to a friend whose wife reads a lot of, lots of things.
00:28:07:01 - 00:28:31:01
Luna
I have also in the past, been recommended Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty trilogy. I've had a hard time getting into it personally, because in order for me to appreciate any sort of like even just in fantasy kink stuff, I need, like I need willing and consent walked into that. Like just for me personally, I know that a lot of people like, love the taboo of it, but I'm like, we learn from stories, whether they are on screen or in books.
00:28:31:01 - 00:28:55:23
Luna
So for me, I get, like, viscerally uncomfortable when there's not a clear frame of context written integrated into the story. Right? That's just me personally. So I will say first, the ripped bodice is a bookstore here in Los Angeles that is an excellent set of resources. They specialize in romance novels, and it's very, very well. I haven't been there in a few years, but it was very cute last time I went.
00:28:56:01 - 00:29:17:22
Luna
They used to have really good writing workshops. I did one with Emily Nagasaki there, which was really, really fun. So you can find them at the Ripped Bodice, Lancome. They're on socials and I have heard recently was recommended a Court of Thorns and Roses. I know nothing about it other than that it's a series. So that is in my notes and then my personal favorite.
00:29:17:22 - 00:29:49:14
Luna
This isn't like raunchy, smutty sex scenes, but this when I say consent is written into the story, this is what I mean. Jacqueline Carey I don't know how to say her name. Maybe it's Jacqueline Carey. I'm not sure. The Scheels Legacy series. Oh my God, it's my fave. It's my favorite. And she just so originally, it's from the point of view of the main character, who is an angry set, which is basically like ultimate, ultimate, ultimate powerful, submissive, super hot, beautiful fantasy world building.
00:29:49:16 - 00:30:12:00
Luna
And now she has just released one called Concealed Servant. So there's Chris Shields, dart, Chris Shields, avatar. I can't remember the names of the trilogy, but look up the Scheels Legacy series and then now there's like a companion book written from the point of view of another character. And it's so good. It's so good. So highly recommend that.
00:30:12:02 - 00:30:32:21
Luna
And lovers again if you have any recommendations, if you are listening on Spotify, please answer our question. Help us through that algorithm and tell us what sort of smut you like to read, or where you like to read your erotica and what you're into. I also wonder if that will get us. I wonder how the Spotify algorithm works.
00:30:32:21 - 00:30:50:02
Luna
Well, it'll be a place proration experiment. Or you can just email X stories podcast at gmail.com with recommendations. Okay. Hi. While I've been catching up on your Patreon shares and I have a question, what do you do for fun? It seems like you work a lot. I'm curious if there's any fun in your life that is not related to your art.
00:30:50:04 - 00:31:01:05
Luna
Thanks for your podcast and for the wonderful Patreon. Please take care of yourself. Well, okay.
00:31:01:07 - 00:31:22:11
Luna
Mostly I work, My relaxations are walking, sometimes hiking, working out. I really enjoy preparing my food. I do love a good hot tub or a good bath. And then I have a couple of close friends here in Los Angeles that I do. I also love to get spanked by a partner that I see regularly, and then I also love to have sex when I can.
00:31:22:13 - 00:31:41:16
Luna
I don't know if sex counts. I mean, I guess technically sex always counts as work because it's always here, I don't know, does this count as work? Is this fun? This is technically fun for me, you know, I guess I guess this is a really tricky question, and I've actually gotten some, like, judgment lately from people who are like, but do you do anything not sex related or, like, not art related?
00:31:41:16 - 00:32:14:08
Luna
I'm like most of the time that I spend unpaid, I am creating stuff I really care about. That is why I'm tired a lot. I am going from client work to my own work, and my work is the most fun thing for me. So I really only have friends who understand that, and most of my friends who I speak with regularly, whether it's on the phone or in person, like my number one noodle friends know that I love noodling about work, but for me, work includes a lot of personal stuff.
00:32:14:10 - 00:32:37:16
Luna
It includes relationship patterns. It includes noticing stuff out in the world and wondering about it. It includes, I find, painting very fun. I have been paid for paintings, but that started out as pure fun. I haven't sold one in a while because I don't want to yet, but but maybe soon that will change, actually, because my house is very full of paintings and, you know, that could be a fun gallery party finale for 52 days of fun and fucking.
00:32:37:18 - 00:32:55:22
Luna
I am curious about different types of fun. I would like to take a dance class. Kind of. That seems like related to sex a little bit. I am curious about primal. Someone just told me about primal movement and because I was trying to figure out like, where do people who listen to the Huberman lab hang out? I mean, I went I went to Kink Fest in Portland.
00:32:55:22 - 00:33:19:00
Luna
I fucking love that. That was a fuckton of fun. Being a baby drag and dressing up was fun. But again, I was also technically there for learning, for meeting people, for education and research purposes. But I would say for me, learning is fun and learning is probably my number one. If I had to put everything in like a category and describe it as fun, even if I'm creating, I am learning, I create to learn.
00:33:19:00 - 00:33:44:17
Luna
If I'm learning about myself, I'm learning about other people like it's win win. So for me, sex is the purest form of fun. Partnered sex in particular is extremely fun, especially when I have a partner who really can hold space for me and who really wants to play with me. That is when I experience the most fun. And then I have the second most fun talking about sex and learning about sex and I eat food for fun.
00:33:44:17 - 00:34:04:09
Luna
I go to museums for fun, but that also is related to the art stuff for me. I don't have, clear work life, personal life, boundaries. Be not. Not because I don't have good boundaries, but because I don't really care to draw it. Like it doesn't actually make sense. It's like when people try to, like, separate the mind from the body.
00:34:04:11 - 00:34:29:04
Luna
What are you talking about? Your mind is in your body. It's a two way signal system. I don't know, for me personally. So, I experienced life for fun, and I also have been told lately that I need more hobbies. I don't know if I need more hobbies, but I guess I would like more topics to talk about that are not sex or neuroscience because not everybody likes those.
00:34:29:06 - 00:34:48:08
Luna
And I do miss movies. I used to go to the movies a lot and that's like a normal thing. But that is one thing that, like, I don't do, I used to do when I was in relationships, like movies and TV and as a solo person, it's just not part of my job. I'm much more likely to, like, be in the bathtub or in the hot tub reading a book or writing.
00:34:48:10 - 00:35:12:16
Luna
So I would like to go back to more movies. And I also, I mean, I don't know if photography is fun. Making videos is fun. It's probably my number one favorite thing. That's not fucking thing is making pictures and videos of fucking or sexy related things. So, I'm I recognize the defensiveness in my tone, and I love that question.
00:35:12:18 - 00:35:29:05
Luna
I love that you are making sure that I'm having fun. Also, I'm about to do 62 days of fun. We're doing it now. I'm in my second day of 52 days of fun, so I have a lot of fun, like brainstorming, writing out things, creating schedules, redoing them, and just like visualizing futures that could make the world a sexier, more loving place.
00:35:29:05 - 00:35:45:13
Luna
And then working toward that. Right? So that's also why when someone like wants my time and attention to just focus on their personal, like they just want me to pay attention to them in a personal life because they want to feel special. I'm like, well, do you want to contribute? Do you want to do you want to join forces and make the world a sexier, more loving place to go?
00:35:45:13 - 00:36:08:18
Luna
No. You just want me to. You just want me to listen to you complain. That's a date I. Oh, no. Work, I gotta go. Oh, but work is so fun. Okay, this one is from w oh, another w collaboration. Oh, actually just thinks hi. While I paint daily for fun Leslie sequences. This is from a picture on your website.
00:36:08:18 - 00:36:27:18
Luna
I love the pose and shading and couldn't resist trying you as a golden figure. I love you hear your podcast give so much. Thank you for that. If you like the painting seven by ten and there's a way to meet your privacy needs, I'd like to send. God damn, I love thoughtful people. That is so. Yes. Thank you all for being so thoughtful.
00:36:27:18 - 00:36:51:05
Luna
I'd like to send it to you as a way to say thanks. No. Anything attached just thinks w. This is a really excellent painting and I love Kimberly helping me stay on top of email and organizing things. So that I actually respond to things that need to see my eyeballs. And so it's such a lovely, beautiful surprise to see this W.
00:36:51:05 - 00:37:10:00
Luna
Thank you. Another message from our married middle age male. Oh, I love an introduction. Who heard you on Amy and April's podcast Shameless sex? Yeah, I love Amy and April. I've only gotten to interview Amy so far, but I met April in person at Amy and great. They're lovely and wonderful. I think they're on a retreat right now.
00:37:10:02 - 00:37:28:10
Luna
You sounded like one of the most fun people on this planet. Okay, so see, I do bring my own fun with me. I love this theme of fun. Keep doing what you're doing and thank you, I love it, I love it, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Another message from Jay Dearest. While long time sex. Oh that's so cute I love it.
00:37:28:14 - 00:37:52:06
Luna
You get it. Sex stories. Listener. First time emailer. First off, I adore the podcast and the amazing work you do through stories. It's helped me tremendously through a really difficult year last year and keeps inspiring me as I reconnect my sexuality, intimacy, neuro spiciness and just myself. I feel you. So a couple days ago I'm listening to your episode with Cora Love, Cora, where you both go like, let's do this, let's wear flower crowns and fucking them.
00:37:52:06 - 00:38:11:18
Luna
Oh my god, that's not even written on my bucket list yet. Not even the big one. Kimberly, can we add it to my bucket list? And that's where I'm like, This is where I can make a meaningful offering and contribution. Oh, I grew up in a Slavic country. We're talking post-communist 90s, and for some reason, flower crowns are just a thing you learn to make at like five years of age.
00:38:11:18 - 00:38:30:11
Luna
But when I did my undergrad, my master's in the States, every spring, without fail, an American friend would be like, what? How do you make a flower crown? Just writing this makes me remember the warm spring afternoons teaching friends how to make dandelion crowns. Wait, what? No yellow ones? It's got to be with yellow dandelions. Could you make a crown?
00:38:30:11 - 00:38:44:23
Luna
With the puffy ones? They would fall apart. So I thought, well, Cora. And why? I'll need some flower crowns. They probably know how to make them. But on the off chance y'all have never made one, it'd be my absolute pleasure to send you a weed tutorial. Oh my God, I love. I love all of the words happening here.
00:38:45:01 - 00:39:01:23
Luna
It's a wee bit early for dandelions just yet. There is some here in Los Angeles. I saw some great ones. Yeah, here on the West Coast they're everywhere. But once they start popping up, I'll make a little tutorial and we would be happy to send it your way. Oh my God. Also, wait, I would love to do that along with you and have a crown.
00:39:02:01 - 00:39:20:10
Luna
I mean, I made clover ones in elementary school, but I don't know if they were the good kind, so I would be. I'm definitely curious about your flower crown method. Also, more importantly, I've been thinking of applying to go on next with yes, yes apply here. Not exactly. Sure when? Right now. I'll do it now 52 days.
00:39:20:10 - 00:39:42:02
Luna
If the calendar is full and you really want to do it during 52 days, let me know, okay? Especially like unless I'm fully fully booked with guests, which as of this moment I am not. I have a lot of like tentative, probably, but like the calendars open. So I want to save time for people. But like, I would love to be recording stories if I am not doing 52 days of fucking with a collaborator.
00:39:42:02 - 00:40:00:18
Luna
So not too distant future. Yes, yes yes yes. And I trust the divine timing, right? I want guests to feel ready. I never want anyone to feel rushed, or rather, I always want people to feel ready and prepared. And again, the questions are there. You can look at them ahead of time. I'm also streamlining things and bringing it down into this simple format.
00:40:00:20 - 00:40:18:20
Luna
And we might go with the love, work and sex format going forward too. I'm so curious how the 50 days is going to unfold and what I will discover every time I do an interview. I learned something new, not just about the people, but also that that's my favorite part, but also about how to listen and how to ask questions.
00:40:18:20 - 00:40:50:09
Luna
And I really am practicing being a better listener always. And that looks like sometimes more silence and just holding space better. Have a lovely weekend when it comes. Love J. Oh thank you. Amazing! Lastly, we are going to finish with some more celebrations. I am celebrating and feeling very grateful for those of you who have taken the time to rate and review X stories on Apple Podcasts, that helps boost our algorithm, that helps other people find us, that helps other people understand what value this show provides.
00:40:50:11 - 00:41:07:14
Luna
It's also helpful for me to understand what you are getting out of it, right? The more that I know what you like, because I follow my own curiosity streak no matter what, but I am heavily inspired by whatever is landing with the people I do hear from. So that's why I fucking love hearing from you. And I love hearing your answers.
00:41:07:19 - 00:41:26:12
Luna
And I love knowing you make flower crowns. And I love hearing about your dates and your dating wins in her dating struggles that I'm right there in it with you. So Michael, honest and real converse love this podcast and all of the real and honest stories. Love hearing folks that live the life they love. No shame. I love it to curious.
00:41:26:12 - 00:41:47:23
Luna
Listen up, Ginger says. Eavesdrop on a conversation about people and how they sex. Oh, what a great way to say it. The host's enthusiasm and curiosity are sincere and seemingly simple format just work. Yeah, it's basically like shame. A meter back story details. That's like if you ever want to interview someone about their sex stories, those are the outlines in my head.
00:41:48:01 - 00:42:09:15
Luna
And then, of course, I have a million follow up questions. The same questions are asked of each guest, but the answers vary wildly. It will get you reminiscing and analyzing your past or inspire the future. You, as well as open your eyes to other ways of being. It also just makes me feel connected to the whole wide world, and also especially on the days where I'm like, I'm never going to have satisfying sex again.
00:42:09:20 - 00:42:23:04
Luna
That's when I get the people who are in their early 20s that are like, yeah, so my partner and I, we just talk about everything. We're really good. Open communication are the threesomes we have? No, but we're really dedicated to each other. We just talk about everything. No best friend. Love them, love them, love them. I'm like, okay, so they exist.
00:42:23:04 - 00:42:45:05
Luna
I love it. Religious man says good, really great content. Lots of exclamation points from a religious man. Love you think you religious men Sorelle is it says excellent. I absolutely love this podcast while has the most wonderful interviewing style. Thank you. And I love how completely open and accepting she is of all of her guests and their lifestyle.
00:42:45:07 - 00:43:04:12
Luna
Her open, honest and loving approach is so refreshing. I strive to be as open minded and as inclusive as she is. Thanks for each and every episode. Oh well. I think if the desire is there, you already are right? We might have these kneejerk reactions of shame and judgment. It's not that I have zero judgment, I just I really notice it come up.
00:43:04:14 - 00:43:28:22
Luna
And I promise people when they come on the agreement is if it's legal and consensual, I'm here to celebrate. I don't yuck your yum. I'm here to learn. I also am a person that is just has a wide, wide, wide net of yes and am so hyper curious and want to try a lot of things. So someone recently called me Undiscussed Obel.
00:43:29:00 - 00:43:54:12
Luna
I read that that is not true there. I'm sure I have discussed, but it's maybe lower than most people. So lovers, those are the questions. Those are really answers. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you to all of you who write to me. I love hearing from you. It's been a really difficult year for sex stories, for a lot of logistical reasons that have nothing to do with the fact that I fucking love this work.
00:43:54:12 - 00:44:14:05
Luna
And when I get too far away from hearing from you, that's when I get on the brink of quitting. Right? And there's some tough stuff happening right now. So really, every review is so deeply appreciated. Every share is so deeply appreciated. Word of mouth matters. Encouraging your friends were interesting. If you're too shy, you know I love getting good, interesting guests.
00:44:14:05 - 00:44:33:06
Luna
And the next step is to really get outside of my own bubble and again, never want to fetishize. I never want to tokenize, but I just want to connect with people. And so I'm hoping that in the next year or so I can really, like go out into the world, especially if we frontload and batch create a bunch of stuff over the next 52 days.
00:44:33:08 - 00:44:48:00
Luna
So be a part of it, even if all my slots are full on the calendar. If you really want to be a guest on Sex Stories, reach out x stories podcast at gmail.com. Kimberly helps me stay on top of email. We fucking love Kimberly. Let's give Kimberly a shout out. Kimberly keeps this podcast going and so do you.
00:44:48:00 - 00:44:59:03
Luna
So thank you for joining me and keep sending me those sexy, sexy stories. I mean, x stories, whatever, any kind of stories Y Wycombe's share. They could be very safe for work.
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