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63 year old partnered cis woman, the brand director for überlube.

🔗 CHERYL LINKS |  uberlube.com / linkedin

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00:00:00:09 - 00:00:13:04

Luna

And our guest today is a 63 year old cis woman who is currently partnered. She is the brand director for Uber Lube Premium Lube and loves what she does. A confused Capricorn who loves the mountains and the water. Welcome, Cheryl Sloane.

00:00:13:10 - 00:00:23:17

Cheryl

Thank you. Thank you. I am a confused Capricorn. Nobody ever gave me that choice before. But that's so me.

00:00:23:18 - 00:00:46:11

Luna

Yeah. I feel like it's very excellent, you know, to be a Capricorn. That's like the seagull that climbs out of the water to the mountain to gather the wisdom. And you're a leader which you are here today to tell us about. I mean, being a leader in the world of lube. But start out by telling us if you had to rate yourself today on a sexual shame meter, with ten being the most full of sexual shame and one being like, I'm good, where do you fall today?

00:00:46:11 - 00:00:47:09

Luna

Right now?

00:00:47:11 - 00:00:53:10

Cheryl

Oh, I'm pretty much in the I'm good category. It's been a lot of years. Okay.

00:00:53:12 - 00:00:57:08

Luna

Can you give us a little like, arc of your shame roller coaster throughout your life?

00:00:57:10 - 00:01:21:16

Cheryl

I mean, honestly, I don't think I really had sexual shame. It's so weird. I mean, I'm sure I did, but I can't remember because everybody does, so I'm sure I did. I just can't remember because I owned a store for about 20 years with some couple of business partners. And when we opened our store, we sold sex toys or, you know, erotica and really good lingerie.

00:01:21:18 - 00:01:39:14

Cheryl

And when we opened the store, I promise you, I just thought everybody was having great sex because I was. Yeah. And I just thought my partners were. I thought that's the way it was. Like, you grow up, you start having sex, and it's awesome.

00:01:39:20 - 00:01:41:22

Luna

Wow.

00:01:42:00 - 00:01:42:23

Cheryl

And I did.

00:01:42:23 - 00:01:45:13

Luna

It. That's a first. I think this is a first.

00:01:45:15 - 00:02:14:23

Cheryl

Really? That's really what I thought. And, I mean, I guess my sexual shame was probably. Now that I think about it before I actually had intercourse. But everything leading up to intercourse, I didn't have shame with either. Wow. You know, but I think there's probably that like crossed the line thing. You know, there's so much societal emphasis on virginity which doesn't really make any sense.

00:02:15:03 - 00:02:44:08

Cheryl

You know because you could stick anything up your vagina and it's okay. Yeah. As long as you're not having sex with the penis. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So that's kind of ridiculous anyway. But I think, yeah, I got really lucky that my first partners were just really smart, caring people who fortunately didn't know a lot about my body because I feel like that is where women take up.

00:02:44:08 - 00:03:07:11

Cheryl

A lot of their shame is that they're learning about sex from somebody who has no idea how a woman's body works, because we don't take the time to explore our own bodies enough at a young age. And so I think a lot of sexual shame, I know that it's deep rooted and it's whatever people say, you know, your parents, your religion, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:03:07:13 - 00:03:23:05

Cheryl

But I really feel if we just encourage people to have some time with themselves and know what gives them pleasure, that there will be a lot less sexual shame in this world, because we're all doing it because we want pleasure.

00:03:23:07 - 00:03:35:00

Luna

Yeah. I mean, yeah, figuring that out for ourselves, figuring out what desire is, that is so key. Did you get a little sex ed growing up, other than the partners that you had? Like, did you get a sex talk or anything like that?

00:03:35:06 - 00:03:58:19

Cheryl

Zero. Oh, I literally learned about sex, like from the neighborhood kids. Okay. Yeah. Like I went to private schools and I lived in a neighborhood where everybody went to public school. I grew up with some kind of top kids, and, like, I was the youngest. Okay, so they were, like, talking about sex in ways that I didn't completely understand.

00:03:58:19 - 00:04:18:23

Cheryl

But, like, that was my way. I learned about it. Though I never got that talk, never ever. And sex ed in grammar school was like, I so remember this, that the boys were on one side of the hall and the girls were on the other, and we had to shout the word penis. Really loud. That's what I remember from sex ed.

00:04:19:00 - 00:04:20:20

Luna

Oh my gosh. Interesting.

00:04:20:21 - 00:04:29:10

Cheryl

And I think they had maybe had a vagina or something, which is really just the opposite. We should have had a vagina, right? Right here.

00:04:29:10 - 00:04:30:00

Luna

All of if.

00:04:30:00 - 00:05:02:16

Cheryl

Anything, I mean, the whole it's all stupid, but. But, like, that's all I remember from sex I had in grammar school. It's crazy. And but I went to a very small high school, and I will say that we were all, like, just in general, kind of gentle and caring with each other, just in terms of where we were at in whatever journey it was, whether it be like sex or drugs or bras or what jeans we were wearing, you know, everybody was sort of kind of gentle with each other.

00:05:02:16 - 00:05:08:19

Cheryl

So there was that. I don't know, I don't know, I just got lucky. Let's just leave it at that.

00:05:08:21 - 00:05:17:02

Luna

That's cool. It's actually really refreshing to hear that sort of story. Could you tell us now what is sexy to you?

00:05:17:04 - 00:05:45:08

Cheryl

I mean, so many different things are sexy, right? Like, I could look at some handwriting and go, wow, that's really sexy handwriting. Like, there's, like, really good looking people that I will see, that will walk by me and I'll be like, wow, they're really good looking, but it's not sexy to me. You know, I did this whole study once about like, animal attraction and how animals are attracted to each other primarily through scent.

00:05:45:10 - 00:06:08:22

Cheryl

And that attraction in the animal kingdom is actually based on finding the mate that will make the strongest offspring, so they'll survive somehow. I feel like attraction in humans has some. I mean, you know, we're not going around sniffing each other's backs all the time, but.

00:06:09:00 - 00:06:11:22

Luna

Not all the time. All the time, right?

00:06:12:00 - 00:06:36:09

Cheryl

But I feel like attraction is a really personal thing. And I feel like I remember I was once at this event and this friend of mine met this guy there who she really liked, and I was dancing with them or next to him in some way. And like, he was super nice, but his odor kind of was like really difficult for me.

00:06:36:10 - 00:06:45:17

Cheryl

Yeah. You know, and I said to her, okay, he's a really nice guy, but that odor. And she was like, what are you talking about?

00:06:45:19 - 00:06:47:18

Luna

Interesting.

00:06:47:20 - 00:07:09:12

Cheryl

And I was like, whoa! Eyes open wide. Like, we are so individual. And that is something to be celebrated. Yeah. And I just was like, well, okay, not have to worry about me sleeping with them, you know? But I think that's like. But I just thought that was really telling. That was a moment in my life where I learned something.

00:07:09:12 - 00:07:21:00

Cheryl

I don't know what it was, but. So what? Sexy is really personal. I think thunderstorms are super sexy. I think hands like hands. People's hands.

00:07:21:06 - 00:07:22:05

Luna

Oh my gosh. Okay, two.

00:07:22:05 - 00:07:35:06

Cheryl

For a sexy or not at all, right. Yeah. I did a tantra workshop once, and we were supposed to, like, choose a partner at the end of the day. And I was looking at everybody's hands, you know.

00:07:35:08 - 00:07:40:23

Luna

Chasing. I love that. Okay, so what counts as sex for you?

00:07:41:00 - 00:07:50:05

Cheryl

Oh, I saw that question on there, and I really thought about it. And I was like, oh, I don't care, right? No.

00:07:50:07 - 00:07:51:20

Luna

I love that answer.

00:07:51:20 - 00:08:13:06

Cheryl

If somebody says like, oh, well, I just touched them, but I didn't have intercourse with them. I mean, the only difference is that is that like if at a certain age, like you might or might not get pregnant, right, if you're not well protected, but that intimate moment is sex. I mean, that intimacy is sex. I don't care how people define it.

00:08:13:06 - 00:08:26:06

Cheryl

I think sex is all about vulnerability. And if you think that somebody got into your space and you were vulnerable to them, then what's the difference? Like what physical things happened.

00:08:26:08 - 00:08:40:12

Luna

Yeah, I love that. Okay. So now I would love to hear how does your work make the world a sexier, more loving place and tell us your professional origin story. Like, how did we get from this shop? Or did anything come first to where you are now?

00:08:40:14 - 00:09:17:16

Cheryl

Oh yeah, I was in theater most of my life. I was a producer and a general manager of live theater Improvizational Theater in Chicago. I worked the Second City for 12 years. That was my background. That was my growing up. That's what everybody thought I was going to do for the rest of my existence. I took a break from that, and it was like a bunch of girlfriends out talking, and one of my friends actually was looking to buy some toys for a little roundtable she was having, and we couldn't find any products in Chicago that we felt comfortable, like going as women.

00:09:17:16 - 00:09:37:06

Cheryl

And we knew that good places existed on the West Coast and on the East Coast. You know, there was like good vibes at that time. And so we were like, okay, this is ridiculous. Why are we being discriminated against? Because we live in Chicago. Let's open a store. And we had no background in retail, nothing, I mean, nothing.

00:09:37:09 - 00:09:58:08

Cheryl

And we just did it because we knew it was needed. And, you know, a lot of people really enjoyed our it was I'm not a shopper, I don't know. I know a lot about retail now, but I still am not a shopper. And so my store had to be a place that I wanted to hang out. So it looked like a boudoir.

00:09:58:08 - 00:10:21:23

Cheryl

I mean, it was just very comfortable. It didn't really look like any other store that exists, but we had fun. We did a good job. We quickly learned that as a matter of fact, not everybody was having great sex, and our real mission was education and listening and helping. And so that it was what it was about for the whole time.

00:10:21:23 - 00:10:47:22

Cheryl

And then I closed it when for me personally, it stopped being about that because I was too busy doing the business part of retail. And I was like, wait a minute, this isn't what I'm here for. I need to get back to educating and helping. And so then I took a little break and started working with Uber Lube, because I was actually the first person to sell Uber lube in my store.

00:10:48:04 - 00:10:52:06

Luna

Really? Oh, that's so cool. Y yeah. Okay.

00:10:52:08 - 00:11:24:23

Cheryl

So when Uber Loop first started, it's made right outside of Chicago and Skokie, and the guys who invented it came to my store and said, we sell it, and we were the first to pick it up. So then my background in theater, you know, as a producer, is a lot about marketing. And so we were able to help them get a lot of press, and we were able to talk to gynecologists we worked with and show them the product, and it quickly, like, skyrocketed.

00:11:24:23 - 00:11:45:13

Cheryl

I mean, you know, people love it. It was our best seller. So then when I close, I saw the Uber lube team. They had kind of taken a little break too. And then they regrouped and they came back. And then they were doing very well. And they asked me to come be a part of that team. And I said, yes, of course.

00:11:45:18 - 00:12:07:02

Cheryl

How could you not do what you love? Right? So I started working there. I am now the brand director, so I get to talk about love and sex all day, which I've done for, you know, the past 30 years or 35 or something like that. And I still enjoy it. So at Uber Lube, like our basic marketing strategy is education.

00:12:07:04 - 00:12:20:13

Cheryl

And that's what we do all the time. And we work with about 7000 doctors and therapists and nurses, nurse midwives to try to help get our product to people who need it.

00:12:20:15 - 00:12:21:17

Luna

That's great.

00:12:21:19 - 00:12:47:06

Cheryl

Yeah. It's awesome. And then we have like a team of people. One of them is my sister who go around to stores and do trainings and educate people. But we're all about the value of using lube. Which lube has this horrible stigma, right? Because it's sticky. It's gummy. It's means that you're dry. Well, we're trying to turn all that around because like, lube is fun.

00:12:47:06 - 00:13:04:12

Cheryl

It makes good sex better sex. Even if you don't need lube, you should just try it. It's great, you know, because lube doesn't have to be sticky and gummy. It can be actually feel really sensual. Talk about sexy. Like a little bit so sexy. I mean, the bottle is sexy and the feel of the loop is sexy, right?

00:13:04:12 - 00:13:18:14

Cheryl

And it performs. I mean, number one, it's performance, right? The way it was created was for performance, and the way it was tested was all about performance. So I got to go tell the world about that water. Lucky person.

00:13:18:16 - 00:13:38:00

Luna

That's so cool. Okay, what happens at those in-person trainings in the store? Are they literally like, here's how the lube feels. You know, because I was introduced to it by a friend. It's my favorite silicone based lube. And so using it, I use it for like, massage. I love it for a good like thigh hump while I'm, you know, playing with someone else.

00:13:38:00 - 00:13:41:14

Luna

But like, what happens at those trainings in person that.

00:13:41:16 - 00:14:02:05

Cheryl

Well, basically it is it's like here, try this. And now let's talk about it. And like Uber lube is I mean, you see, our packaging is very simple, but it's also very well thought out, like the pump is metered, you know, the bottle is crimped so you can't really add anything to the bottle. It's bio static is what we say.

00:14:02:07 - 00:14:23:08

Cheryl

So there's a lot of thought that goes in to the way it's made. The pump has a curve in it so that you can get every last drop out of the bottle. And so what we want to train salespeople is like all those little details that make Uber lube really unique in the category, you know? So why does Super Loop stand out?

00:14:23:08 - 00:14:37:08

Cheryl

And then of course, performance is number one. So yeah we do try it. And then we put it in our hair because it's a great hair product. You know a lot of our sales team in the stores will use it under makeup.

00:14:37:10 - 00:14:38:22

Luna

Under makeup like a.

00:14:39:00 - 00:15:03:20

Cheryl

Yeah like a primer. Oh yeah. So we're actually doing some testing on that now. But you know, that comes from our retailers are telling us this. You know, people put it on their blisters. People use it to help heal scar tissue, like there's a lot of uses for it. And basically, if we can educate salespeople to just a few of those different uses, it's great for sport.

00:15:03:20 - 00:15:07:01

Cheryl

Anti chafe okay. Just walking around I.

00:15:07:07 - 00:15:20:18

Luna

That tell me about that. I looked at the little pamphlets that were like sport anti chafe. And I was like I'm really not a runner. I don't even know what that means. Like what is chafing and what is it like. Is it like you said, blisters or is it also like pants and shorts?

00:15:20:18 - 00:15:25:05

Cheryl

It's like chub rub. Yeah, yeah, it's like top rope.

00:15:25:07 - 00:15:27:00

Luna

Okay, okay.

00:15:27:02 - 00:15:46:23

Cheryl

But not you don't have to be chub, but, you know, it's just like, a lot of times, even when you're wearing a tank top, like when you walk for a while, you get under the arm, you got a little red. Got it. You know, or when guys are running like, their nipples are rubbing on the tank top they're wearing and they get chafed on their chest.

00:15:46:23 - 00:16:05:10

Cheryl

So. And then swimmers, by the way, they're wetsuit right around the ankles. They get chafing around the ankles. So there's so many different ways that our body like rubs against itself and winds up a little sore. Red. Yeah. You know.

00:16:05:12 - 00:16:13:15

Luna

Oh I wonder how many dudes out there are going to discover nipple play as they pursue. And hey, chanting.

00:16:13:17 - 00:16:17:03

Cheryl

Right, rub your nipples, guys.

00:16:17:05 - 00:16:29:16

Luna

Yes. So what is your day to day like? Like, are you ever getting to go in person or is it mostly like online education? Like give us a slice of like day, week, month, like whatever kind of makes sense for you in the life.

00:16:29:18 - 00:16:46:23

Cheryl

So like, I don't go to the store as much, but if I'm traveling somewhere, I always stop in a store to because I love to do the store trainings, and I love to just see our product in the stores and talk to the salespeople there. I always learn something from them, but I do a lot of medical trade shows.

00:16:47:04 - 00:17:13:03

Cheryl

Okay, so I talk to doctors a lot. Right now I'm on a little hiatus. I'm pretty happy about that. But we do like 15 to 20 trade shows a year. So wow, my sister does some of them for me, thank goodness. So I spend a lot of time just talking about the advantages of Uber lube and why silicone lube and how to discuss lube with their patients.

00:17:13:03 - 00:17:39:16

Cheryl

You know, there's a lot of awesome doctors who recommend great things. And then there's a lot of doctors who don't even talk about sex, right, with their patients. Right. Especially older patients. Yeah. You know, when I had my store, I had this woman walk in and she was, you know, she was maybe in her late 50s. And she said, I told my doctor that sex was painful, and my doctor told me I've had enough sex.

00:17:39:18 - 00:17:43:13

Luna

Oh, no. What? That hurts my heart.

00:17:43:13 - 00:17:59:12

Cheryl

Saying this on the air. I'm saying if your doctor tells you that you need a new doctor. Yeah. No matter what you're going through, there's things you could do to try and help, you know? And if you don't have a doctor that will talk to you about it, you need a new one.

00:17:59:18 - 00:18:03:12

Luna

Wow. Those people have shame and stigma that go deep. That's what we got to.

00:18:03:12 - 00:18:22:00

Cheryl

How about that, So most of my day is doing that. And then we're right now growing our business in Europe. So I spend a lot of different hours on the phone with Europe talking about stuff. And then, you know, just dealing with our social media and our website and things like that. That's what my day looks like.

00:18:22:00 - 00:18:34:02

Cheryl

But I still get to go out and talk to people. I think if I had to be in the office and not talking to the public, I would get anxious. But that wouldn't work for me because I learn from other people.

00:18:34:04 - 00:18:48:07

Luna

So I really feel that even just this summer, I got into a mode where I was like doing a lot of interviews and catching up on admin work, and I was like, this is making me crazy. So I go to the park on Sundays and I collect sex stories in the park so I can meet whoever, you know, because it's like that.

00:18:48:07 - 00:19:00:10

Luna

That's great. Love learning from each other. Okay, so tell us, what are some of the reactions that you get from people when you're like, hi, I work with lube. Like, do you ever get any funny ones or are they mostly just like, excited to talk to you? What does that like for you?

00:19:00:12 - 00:19:17:15

Cheryl

Well, some people have shame okay. So they're embarrassed. They're like what? And they giggle and giggling is great. Like I used to tell people who came into my store giggle as much as you want. Like, that's what it's about. They're called sex toys for a reason. Like this. You're supposed to giggle. It's good to.

00:19:17:15 - 00:19:18:12

Luna

Play. It's fun.

00:19:18:16 - 00:19:34:10

Cheryl

Yeah, it's play right? But mostly I just get people, like opening up about their sex life immediately. It could be a stranger in a train. And I'm going to hear how many times they have sex a week now.

00:19:34:12 - 00:19:46:01

Luna

It's so funny because at the park I have to be like anyone sex toy, anyone know? Okay, you know, like, it's so it's like sometimes it's like creating the opening is so specific. Do you like that? Like, is it interesting for you or do you have to, like, put up boundaries?

00:19:46:07 - 00:20:06:18

Cheryl

I mean, I think we all have boundaries, but for the most part, I'm, you know, I'm pretty open to it. I mean, I always have people say, what do you do? I always tell them, yeah, right. So and I'm always willing to answer questions because everybody is like a potential person who needs a little education, right? Who needs something.

00:20:06:20 - 00:20:18:02

Cheryl

And so I always carry little samples with me. And, you know, we're able to give them out and something because, you know, if you change one person's world like you've made a difference.

00:20:18:04 - 00:20:24:19

Luna

Yeah, I really believe that. So you love talking to people. What other aspects of your work do you love the most right now?

00:20:24:21 - 00:20:52:07

Cheryl

Well, what I really love is working with these people who are so smart about things. We, you know, we're rebuilding our website right now. I'm working with these people. I call them the hackers, you know, because they're just so smart, like they're so digitally advanced. I learn from them every day. Like I love it, you know, I love learning, and it doesn't just have to be about sex, right?

00:20:52:07 - 00:21:11:08

Cheryl

I love how we're changing our business all the time, doing new things, talking about developing new product. Eventually. It's just really nice to learn new things every day. So I like that now, you know, what else do I like? I like being in my backyard and taking my dogs for a walk and garden at the beach.

00:21:11:09 - 00:21:14:06

Luna

Okay, totally, totally.

00:21:14:08 - 00:21:17:20

Cheryl

And I could do a lot of that. I love free time.

00:21:18:01 - 00:21:23:03

Luna

That's awesome. What would you say makes you excellent at what you do?

00:21:23:05 - 00:21:48:01

Cheryl

I love it, I love Uber lube and I love people and I just have this drive for people to experience pleasure. And I don't care how you define that. If it's taking a bath, then take a bath. Yeah, yeah. If it's going to the beach or walking in the woods or if it's sitting in, you know, sometimes I think we all sit in a chair or couch and stare at a wall.

00:21:48:03 - 00:21:59:02

Cheryl

Yeah. And if we don't, we should, you know, but whatever it is that brings you pleasure, I have this, like, really? It's like my mission to just tell people, do it.

00:21:59:07 - 00:22:25:00

Luna

Totally large and small. I am so with you. And my chair is right over there, and it's by the window, and I, like, open the window and I get sunlight in my eyes and, like, stare at the outside. And it's those are good times. Have you encountered any sex related stories through your work? I mean, you were kind of talking about people oversharing or maybe like surprise sharing, but like, is there a story you can share with us that you never would have encountered if it hadn't been for the work that you do?

00:22:25:02 - 00:22:53:02

Cheryl

I think that the stories are not unique in that. I think that there are a slice of life for a lot of different people. I just think that we're sometimes able to, because we're in this industry, change people's point of view. So like, for instance, our store was mostly women and couples like women mostly. And then for like ten days in February, it was mostly men, right?

00:22:53:06 - 00:23:31:18

Cheryl

Yeah. And a lot of times those men would come in and be a little braggy. You know, I need the biggest, hardest thing you sell, you know, and to work with those people and be like, you know what you don't because you have that. And she actually might want something different, things like that. Or like they'll come in and tell you their sex stories and they'll come in and tell you, you know, we had this one person who would, like, come in for Valentine's Day and buy four gifts, and he would describe every woman to us.

00:23:31:19 - 00:23:32:21

Luna

Oh.

00:23:32:23 - 00:23:56:20

Cheryl

And he would do it in a way that was kind of bragging, you know, I do. And we would be like, we're not impressed. Yeah, I gotta tell you, like, if you're talking to all of them and they all know about each other, that's great. Yeah. Do you, do you. But from what you say, like, this isn't the way to impress other women.

00:23:56:22 - 00:24:01:17

Cheryl

I just told them that. Like, I just said that to them. Yeah. What?

00:24:01:19 - 00:24:03:20

Luna

I mean, you need to. The education. That's good of you.

00:24:04:00 - 00:24:21:04

Cheryl

I'm like, I like you. You seem like an okay person, but like, this is an impressive, like, are you hurting people? And he came back the next year and was like, I really thought about what you said. And, I mean, I don't know if he changed. I don't know, I don't want to, you know, I didn't have to know his whole story.

00:24:21:04 - 00:24:43:16

Cheryl

But he just said, I really thought about what you said. Yeah. So we get that kind of stuff. We would get that always. I'm not like 100% vanilla, but, like, I don't really delve into the Bdsm world very much, you know, like really soft stuff or a blindfold or something like that. Yeah. But before we opened our store, we had this opportunity.

00:24:43:16 - 00:25:03:19

Cheryl

We were at some party and there was this like, you know, really hot guy who was sexy, in my opinion. He was in line in the buffet line and I was like, I'm going up for food, you know? And I agree. Yeah, right. Right now. And, my business partner and I met him and he invited us to a dungeon.

00:25:03:19 - 00:25:27:07

Cheryl

And had we not been opening a store, we probably would have just said no. But we went and it was actually, like the best education because we got there kind of early, and we went in there when it wasn't full of people and we were strapped into every thing they had, and they showed us and we asked a million questions and we learned about it.

00:25:27:07 - 00:25:41:06

Cheryl

And now kind of everything's on the internet, right? Like it's, you know, people learn. I mean, I have cousins who are in high school who know a lot. Yeah. You know, maybe sometimes a little too much. But anyway.

00:25:41:11 - 00:25:44:03

Luna

Yeah, varying degrees of context. Yeah.

00:25:44:07 - 00:26:05:05

Cheryl

Right. Right. But we didn't really know very much. And we learned everything. And we got to ask all these questions. And it was like a great experience to be with people who were experts. Yeah. And be able to get schooled and then open a store and be able to talk about it with like I can tell you because I've been there.

00:26:05:07 - 00:26:05:21

Luna

Yeah.

00:26:05:23 - 00:26:25:10

Cheryl

And so like those kind of experiences, I think, you know, maybe I wouldn't have had that if it weren't for being in this business. I've also been really lucky to be in this business in the last like 25, 30 years, where the business has changed completely from a male driven business to a female driven business.

00:26:25:12 - 00:26:28:22

Luna

Say more? Yeah. What have you noticed? What have you seen? What does it look?

00:26:28:22 - 00:26:50:06

Cheryl

So when we opened our store, sex toys mostly came in boxes with naked women on them and they were pretty cheap. And, you know, a lot of them weren't really well-made, but they didn't have a warranty, you know, and nobody would bring back their sex toy. Right. And there was one company when we first opened that was making higher end stuff.

00:26:50:06 - 00:27:28:06

Cheryl

They were at a Germany. They're called Fun Factory. We brought them in our store. At that time they were so much more than any other sex toy, and I think they were like $50. Okay. Which anybody who's out there shopping for sex toys now knows you can like spend $200 like in a flash. Right. And then there was another company called Tantas who was owned by a woman who was making like really not just making really quality dildos, but also preaching what quality was love, you know, and both of these companies were talking about, why do we use silicone?

00:27:28:06 - 00:27:47:13

Cheryl

Why do we not use fair lights, why do we do this? And so quickly, like being two women who were opening a store, we were like, okay, we want more of that. Yeah. And we don't want this. And we never put a box out on the floor anyway. We never because they weren't pretty. Right, you know. So we had them all behind the curtain.

00:27:47:13 - 00:28:15:20

Cheryl

We have the toys out. So you could try the toys but not the boxes. And in the last couple of decades that has completely evolved so that toys are higher and they work longer, they're warranted, and they're really made with women in mind. Like I said, when a man walks into my store and says, I want the biggest, hardest thing, you know to buy for a woman, that's like a man's point of view of what a woman would want.

00:28:16:02 - 00:28:18:11

Luna

Or maybe it's what he secretly wants.

00:28:18:13 - 00:28:26:09

Cheryl

Or what he secretly wants. Yeah, well, you know, I always tell everybody, if somebody wants to put something in your butt, they want something in there. But I promise you.

00:28:26:14 - 00:28:28:09

Luna

All right? You totally.

00:28:28:11 - 00:28:57:16

Cheryl

Now, they're really made for a woman's desire. You know, they're toys that are made to help you find your G-spot. There's toys that, you know, there's a lot more. Just clitoral toys, which a lot of women just want a clitoral toy. There's this whole, er, technology that is, you know, now there is more couples toys. Yeah. So what happens when you have these better designed, easier to look at and better functioning toys is you start a conversation.

00:28:57:18 - 00:29:22:09

Cheryl

Right. So not only does it give me something to talk about to people because I can talk about quality, but it also has people in a relationship able to start a conversation. And that goes no matter what the relationship looks like. You can talk about really what pleasure is to you, and then you can choose a toy based on your definitions of pleasure.

00:29:22:11 - 00:29:39:08

Cheryl

Yeah, right. And there's a ton of education behind it. So that's been so rewarding. Like it's such a pleasure to go to the trade shows now and see toys that are really like they're beautiful and they work and they're developed with the woman in mind. And the packaging is developed with the woman in mind.

00:29:39:10 - 00:29:39:22

Luna

I love.

00:29:39:22 - 00:29:45:22

Cheryl

You know, and I don't mean to dislike guys because I know the guys like the better packaging to.

00:29:46:00 - 00:29:50:13

Luna

I think beautifully visual things improve our all of our lives.

00:29:50:15 - 00:29:55:05

Cheryl

Exactly. So I'm not you know, but I'm just talking about the transformation.

00:29:55:05 - 00:29:56:00

Luna

Yeah, yeah.

00:29:56:00 - 00:29:59:09

Cheryl

And it really happened after sex in the city.

00:29:59:11 - 00:30:00:11

Luna

Oh, really?

00:30:00:13 - 00:30:30:02

Cheryl

Yes. There was an episode of sex in the city that had the rabbit vibrator featured, and after that, well, the next day the rabbit sold out everywhere. But also it started the conversation in a much different way, and women started talking. And then, you know, we had that 50 Shades explosion. But all those things, whether you like them or you don't like them, they start the conversation and you get to talk to people you know now, like sex toys are everywhere.

00:30:30:06 - 00:30:38:15

Luna

So yes, they are. Yes they are. These conferences where you're seeing sex toys, are those different from the medical conferences or is there overlap?

00:30:38:17 - 00:31:07:16

Cheryl

There is overlap, but yes, they're different. So like if I go to a conference for gynecologist, there are always some sex toys there, but very few you know, like 1 or 2 companies. But we go to our tradeshow conferences and it's all manufacturers of toys and lube, and you know, bachelorette stuff and Bdsm stuff, but all stuff that you would find in an adult store, like that's where adult stores buy from.

00:31:07:18 - 00:31:17:01

Luna

That sounds like a cool conference where it's like a conference where I would want to walk around with my group and be like, what do you do? Oh, good. Wow.

00:31:17:02 - 00:31:28:23

Cheryl

Yeah, you probably would actually. People do. Yeah. Oh, right. People do. Yes. There's a lot of bloggers, podcasters, you know. Who are they are I got to it. Wow. Yes.

00:31:29:00 - 00:31:43:23

Luna

What do you notice or learn? I mean, we talk about shame a little bit, but from talking to other people in your industry, like what do you notice trend wise about like emotions in the culture, are there like sexual trends that you're seeing beyond the vibrators that you just talked about?

00:31:44:00 - 00:31:52:20

Cheryl

Yeah, there's always different trends going on. Like anal sex has been a big trend for a while now. Yeah. Like just trying it and talking about it.

00:31:52:22 - 00:32:00:12

Luna

Does Uber lube do you like instruct people because like lube is the key to anal stuff. And so like how explicit do you guys get in your education.

00:32:00:14 - 00:32:30:02

Cheryl

Pretty explicit. My take on it is like people who know about anal sex, if you just try overlap, you'll see, oh yeah, this feels like it would work and it's great. But if you don't know about anal sex, what I think happens in relationships a lot is that one partner wants to have anal sex, and the other partner is afraid, and then the way they try is like by sticking something big and hard into somebody's spot who's never had anything inserted before.

00:32:30:04 - 00:32:52:16

Cheryl

So there's like a few just quick rules you have to learn, and then you get to make the decision. And my whole thing is just get educated so you can make the decision. I mean, and that's a big trend now, there's tons of stuff on the internet about it, too. Prostate massage is a big trend. Yeah, it's a huge trend in that even with people who've been having anal sex for years, like that's what the relationship is.

00:32:52:18 - 00:32:55:20

Cheryl

Maybe haven't really gotten into prostate massage.

00:32:55:22 - 00:32:57:15

Luna

Interesting. Okay.

00:32:57:20 - 00:33:04:07

Cheryl

So just like a woman who, you know, if you're having vaginal sex, you might not have ever felt your G-spot.

00:33:04:09 - 00:33:05:21

Luna

Yeah, that's true, right.

00:33:05:21 - 00:33:32:14

Cheryl

So similar. So I think those are kind of trending right now. And I also think just with the inclusivity of our culture, and I speak from you know, I live in Chicago, like I speak from a big city, sort of open space. And I know that it's out this way all over the or even our country. So I apologize to those who don't have the same like outlook that I have.

00:33:32:14 - 00:34:05:02

Cheryl

But what I see is a ton more inclusivity. Yeah. And I think that inclusivity opens up so many different conversations. Right. And so I think we're talking online more about pleasure, about, you know, shamelessness, about experimentation and about consent, about all these things that like, it's just we're entering a new space, you know, and I think it's primarily good.

00:34:05:02 - 00:34:09:04

Cheryl

We just like the pendulum has to swing and find that center.

00:34:09:06 - 00:34:10:14

Luna

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well yeah.

00:34:10:14 - 00:34:13:05

Cheryl

And it's so it'll never be all good, right?

00:34:13:07 - 00:34:27:08

Luna

There never is anything all good, right? Like humans. Right? When humans are involved, there's always going to be some kind of fuckery. Do you feel comfy saying how your work that is sex related has informed your own sex life?

00:34:27:10 - 00:34:53:23

Cheryl

I mean, I will say, like when I started doing this, I was in my 30s and I didn't know as much about sex toys or lube. Yeah. And, you know, I might have felt my G-spot, but I certainly didn't know, like, how to access it on my own anytime I wanted, you know, or I knew what felt good for me, but a lot of it was still based on being with somebody else.

00:34:54:01 - 00:35:16:04

Cheryl

I read everything I read about. I just learned more and more. Like when I opened my store, somebody wanted me to get them the violet wand and I was like, no. And because I didn't understand it and I was like, I don't feel comfortable telling you something that's going to electrocute you, you know? Yeah, like that's a liability that I'm not ready for yet.

00:35:16:05 - 00:35:36:20

Cheryl

We've been open for two weeks, you know, because I didn't know what it was. But then we did this big Bdsm party in our store and the person was running it. I was like, okay, show me this so I know what it is. Yeah. And I'm not really a big fan of electrical stimulation. Like, I don't really like it.

00:35:36:20 - 00:36:06:17

Cheryl

It doesn't really turn me on. But I understand that you're probably not going to die. Yeah. You know, so I feel comfortable with that. So things like that. Just being open to try everything, you know, like shivery. It's so beautiful. But I don't like to be, like, confined God. Right. Yeah. But it's so beautiful. So then we had a shivery teacher in our store who showed me how you can do it with just like small parts of your body being confined.

00:36:06:19 - 00:36:33:00

Cheryl

Right. So the picture isn't everything. I learned a lot about Tantra, which helps me so much in every relationship. I mean, partner sex, friendships, everything. I think Tantra is a way of life that can inform your whole life, and I think most people don't understand what it really is. But when you start reading about it and learning about it, it's just a way of looking at people and listening to people.

00:36:33:00 - 00:37:06:08

Cheryl

Now my background is in Improvizational theater and there are so many similarities really. Like it's all about being connected to the person you're playing with, right? Yeah. Whether you're playing on a stage or you're playing in the bedroom, you have to have connection. So what I learned in the sex industry built on what I already knew and showed me how, like my basis in Improvizational comedy Improvizational theater Improvizational training really took me into the next stage of my life.

00:37:06:10 - 00:37:25:18

Cheryl

It was really easy for me to learn this stuff because I already knew it. I just even in my own mind, never thought of it that way because you just don't. But it's all the same thing. And so then I could take my improv training and I could use it to help in workshops, you know, with couples. And it's like brings everything together.

00:37:25:19 - 00:37:35:12

Cheryl

And it's really been fundamental. So that's one thing I could say. And then just like in my own sex life, like, I'll try anything because I know how to do it safely.

00:37:35:14 - 00:37:38:01

Luna

Yeah. Oh, that makes such a difference, right.

00:37:38:07 - 00:37:53:05

Cheryl

You know, almost anything. I probably want to try anything. But I also know where, like, I know what my consent form is. I'm sure I have limits and I know what they are. And I'll tell you. And I have no shame in telling you. No.

00:37:53:07 - 00:38:09:08

Luna

That's amazing. That's what I mean. That's amazing. And it's an important skill. And which kind of leads me into my next question that I wanted to ask you is like, do you have wisdom to share with us around boundaries? You know, in a work setting where you are talking about such sensitive topics and you've been doing it for so long?

00:38:09:08 - 00:38:19:07

Luna

Like, what have you learned about communicating your boundaries, whether it's in work or in a workshop setting, or at a conference or in your own personal life?

00:38:19:09 - 00:38:39:20

Cheryl

I think I'm better at communicating my boundaries in sex and in that part of my life than in the rest of my life. I still tend to overcommit, and I'm also the person who always wants to go. I always do, you know? So I sometimes do overcommit or like run around, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

00:38:39:20 - 00:39:02:01

Cheryl

I think that's just who I am. And when I need to sit back and just be by myself, I get that. I do it at work. It's really interesting. Every time we hire somebody new, there comes a point where they're sitting in our office. We're all like together, basically where they're sitting in the office and all of a sudden you look at their face and you're like, but you never heard that at work before.

00:39:02:03 - 00:39:38:22

Cheryl

I because we do talk about sex, like we talk about stuff all day. But I think also because of that we have like a huge respect for each other. I think boundaries are really important. And two levels, one is knowing what your boundaries are and the other is expanding. That seems like when I coach couples, a lot of times, one of the problems is like finding the root of what their boundary is and why you're stuck with it, and you get to keep it if you want.

00:39:39:00 - 00:40:04:15

Cheryl

But is there a possibility that maybe it could be stretched a little? Yeah. And if there is, is this the person you want to stretch that boundary with? Because if not, then what's the trust element going on here. Yeah. Yeah. So I think there's two parts of boundaries I mean consent is 100% the boundaries. We sometimes if to stretch them.

00:40:04:17 - 00:40:22:22

Luna

Yeah. And figure out the rate like not just the who but the how. And I think that's such an important piece because most people I talk to have a desire to grow and they want to do it with people, and they don't always want to do everything themselves. I'm one of those people. I'm like, I want someone else to sort of like shepherd me in these certain places.

00:40:22:22 - 00:40:25:07

Luna

But like you said, that's that's cool.

00:40:25:09 - 00:40:39:05

Cheryl

Yeah. And I think that's how it happens mostly anyway. You know, I remember when I was in college, I could never keep a major because I would be out at a bar and somebody would tell me about their major and I'd be like, that's how it's so cool. I'm changing my major tomorrow.

00:40:39:07 - 00:40:50:02

Luna

You know, that's like me interviewing people about their sex related jobs, and I'm like, I'll be a porn star. No erotic part. No. I like, okay, so.

00:40:50:02 - 00:40:57:21

Cheryl

I think mostly other people do kind of stretch your limits. And if you're open to that, I think it's great, but then you still have to know who you are.

00:40:57:23 - 00:41:07:15

Luna

Absolutely. Wow. Okay, so now tell us, with all your wisdom, what sex related norms would you like to shift?

00:41:07:17 - 00:41:12:07

Cheryl

I would like to shift sex education.

00:41:12:09 - 00:41:13:00

Luna

Yeah.

00:41:13:01 - 00:41:43:01

Cheryl

Drastically. Hugely. And especially sex education for girls and boys. My focus is more in my head. It's more on girls, but actually it's both, you know, I guess so I guess I would say like gender neutral sex education. I would like for age appropriate education about respecting your own body. Yeah. And exploring your own body and being honest about what feels good and what doesn't feel good.

00:41:43:03 - 00:42:06:13

Cheryl

And I going to repeat age appropriate because I really mean it. And there's several countries that do this really well. Yeah, we're not one of them. Yeah. People who are born with a penis frequently come out touching their penis and touch their penis all the time, and by the time they decide to do something else with their penis, it involves sex.

00:42:06:13 - 00:42:30:18

Cheryl

They know their penis really well. And the same is not true of people born with a vagina, because our parts are inside of us, so we don't tend to explore as much. There tends to be a lot more shame involved in us exploring, and we tend to learn about our own parts from somebody with a penis. I think that has to shift.

00:42:30:18 - 00:42:52:09

Cheryl

I think there has to be a shift. I think we've started doing this shift of like gender stuff so that kids now accept gender neutrality and accept transgender, and that's all very accepted. But I really think it's not necessarily about what gender you are, it's about how you treat your own body. And so those are the norms I'd like to see.

00:42:52:09 - 00:43:13:16

Cheryl

Also, like I've taught high schoolers sex ed before and what we teach them is don't get a disease and don't get pregnant. And what they want to know is, what's it supposed to feel like? Yeah, how do I know if this is right, if this is good? You know, I think they have the right to know that from as much as we can give.

00:43:13:16 - 00:43:37:12

Cheryl

Like, I think part of learning about sex is exploring it with your partner. Right. But I think there's something there's, like, ancient wisdom that used to be handed down and a maternal line that we don't have anymore because we don't live in community with our, you know, extended families anymore. And so it wasn't like just mothers who taught their daughter.

00:43:37:12 - 00:44:08:00

Cheryl

It's about sex. It was grandmothers and aunties, and we don't have that anymore. So, of course, I lived in the middle of a hundred relatives and nobody talked to me about it either. But. So maybe that doesn't matter. But I know, but I think we need to bring that back, that we have like a maternal education. And I think if we were more open throughout a child's life, it wouldn't be so difficult and awkward and creepy to, like, actually talk about sex with your parents.

00:44:08:03 - 00:44:20:09

Luna

Absolutely, absolutely. And like, we have to rebuild those norms ourselves. And in a country that says talking about sex with anyone under age of 18 is like basically a crime, it's problematic. You know, everything.

00:44:20:09 - 00:44:22:22

Cheryl

Is it? It's tough. Yeah, I know.

00:44:23:00 - 00:44:39:10

Luna

But I'm I am right there with you and like, wouldn't it be great if we could just, like Uber lube, like anyone who's just, like, exploring their body for the first time, you know, like like I think about what if I had known about lube at a younger age because the second time I ever had sex, I remember being like, this can't be right, but I wonder what I'm missing, you know?

00:44:39:10 - 00:44:55:20

Luna

And there wasn't a whole lot of judgment like. But I was like, it doesn't feel good. And looking back, I was just like, you know, dehydrated. And we were super dry and it was horrible, you know? And I didn't know lube existed. I just didn't know. So, you know, much less the difference between water based and silicon based stuff.

00:44:55:22 - 00:45:15:12

Cheryl

I mean, I know I used to when we did use loop when I was younger, I would get a yeast infection and I was like, right, what's going on? You know, and I go to the doctor and get monistat. And then the doctor was like, well, you might be passing it back and forth. And so then I like made my partner deal with that.

00:45:15:12 - 00:45:26:14

Cheryl

And really it was lube or a lubricated condom or, you know, something and oh, well, I could that's so much easier to fix. Yeah.

00:45:26:14 - 00:45:27:09

Luna

I'm totally.

00:45:27:12 - 00:45:32:04

Cheryl

And that conversation should be opened. Yeah.

00:45:32:06 - 00:45:41:08

Luna

What are you the most excited to explore in your work coming up? Like what does Uber lube up to? What are you up to? Like? What are the fun next steps?

00:45:41:10 - 00:46:11:08

Cheryl

Well, we're really concentrating a lot on the European market, so that's fun. You know, because I get to go to Europe. So yeah, so exploring that is really interesting. And we're trying some new medical field trade shows, like we're doing the primary care trade show this year and the San Antonio Breast Conference. So we're going into new avenues where we can reach more people.

00:46:11:10 - 00:46:11:18

Luna

Yeah.

00:46:11:21 - 00:46:46:10

Cheryl

Really want to reach out to more cancer patients because a lot of young women are kicked into menopause at a really early age after treatment. And okay, they're alive. It's great. But then what? Yeah. Right. Then there's some health that they need and that conversation needs to be had more often and more primary care where like a lot of times you get more time with your primary care doctor or not even doctor, but physician's assistant usually.

00:46:46:12 - 00:47:00:00

Cheryl

So reach out for that. So we're doing a little bit. We're like taking a little sneaky route through the medical field right now. So that's kind of fun. It's been a lot of fun learning about the European market.

00:47:00:02 - 00:47:18:07

Luna

Yeah I'm curious what that's been like and like are conversations with Europeans more open? Less open. Because I will say, talking to people around the world, sometimes it's as open as I would think, and sometimes they're just like me or more so or more repressed, you know? And so it's like, I'm curious what you've learned, Europe wise.

00:47:18:09 - 00:47:36:18

Cheryl

I think people are people. I agree with you. It's like a yes and no thing. Sometimes it's one thing and sometimes it's another. Yeah, but we do pretty well at having the conversation. We actually have a team of people who work with us on a marketing basis who speak like five different languages.

00:47:36:18 - 00:47:37:09

Luna

Oh, cool.

00:47:37:09 - 00:48:05:00

Cheryl

So I think for Americans, the thing that we take for granted, like we think of Europe as Europe, but Europe isn't Europe. Europe is like, what, 27 different countries and each country actually like we do, has their own personality and from their own rules and their, you know, and the different ways they do things. So what's nice is to be able to slow down and actually like, learn about, you know, this is how we do in Spain.

00:48:05:00 - 00:48:06:07

Cheryl

This is how we do in France.

00:48:06:07 - 00:48:11:06

Luna

And the regions of each, like north, south, east, West Africa. It's different all over. Yeah.

00:48:11:08 - 00:48:36:21

Cheryl

Right. And I think there's some loyalty to some local brands over there which I get. Yeah. Like I totally understand that. So it's made us take a step back and really like figure out what we're going to say about our product. We say the same thing. It doesn't matter. But we'll get different feedback over there. And even talking to the medical profession is different.

00:48:36:21 - 00:49:00:11

Cheryl

You know, there's socialized medicine, right? Right. So it's a different medical profession. People go to the doctor for different things. People go to their pharmacies for some things. We go to a doctor for them. It's very different, very different. But, you know, we have a product that we believe in and the performance is great. It looks great, but it performs and we know people like it once.

00:49:00:12 - 00:49:10:20

Cheryl

All we have to do is squirt some in their hands. I guess that's the challenge we're at, is that so much is over the internet now, and we do best when I can go, here, try this.

00:49:10:22 - 00:49:17:14

Luna

I feel that so much. I'm like, yes, get me in 3D. Like feel how soft it is. So soft and glide. It's so soft and glide.

00:49:17:16 - 00:49:27:10

Cheryl

Right. Because people touch it and they're like, oh I got it. Yeah. So that's our biggest challenges. Like we have to be in front of people all the time. Wow.

00:49:27:10 - 00:49:39:07

Luna

Okay. We talked about this a little bit, but maybe there's a different answer. We'll see if you could wave a magic wand and teach everyone everywhere something about sex. What would you teach them?

00:49:39:09 - 00:50:06:15

Cheryl

I would teach people how to explore their own bodies. Like, I would teach people with vaginas how to find their G-spot people with penises, maybe how to do prostate massage. And I would teach everybody. Here's the final word here. What I would teach them. I would teach them that sex is about the process and not the product.

00:50:06:17 - 00:50:33:02

Cheryl

So sex isn't just, line to orgasm orgasms. Great. But sex is about what happens between, you know, when you start having some intimacy and when you have an orgasm. It's really about that middle ground, and you don't even have to have an orgasm every time we have sex. Yes, yes. So I think that's what I would that would be what I would teach them.

00:50:33:04 - 00:50:48:05

Cheryl

Yeah. You know how to explore without a goal. Like we're so goal oriented especially I know in the like we're so goal oriented and yeah, you know what? You don't have to have a goal except for the intimacy. The intimacy is your goal.

00:50:48:07 - 00:50:52:02

Luna

Yeah, yeah. What if the pleasure process is the goal.

00:50:52:04 - 00:50:57:16

Cheryl

Right? Right. That connection with yourself or another person, that's the goal.

00:50:57:18 - 00:50:58:13

Luna

Yeah.

00:50:58:15 - 00:51:02:07

Cheryl

You know, so I guess that's what I would want to teach people.

00:51:02:09 - 00:51:23:04

Luna

I love that okay. Now for a fantasy brainstorm. If there was an unlimited budget to build a sexy, it could be a playroom or structure or a house or something to represent Uber or to like showcase Uber lube. What would it be like? What would go in it? What would people do there? What fantasy would you dream up?

00:51:23:06 - 00:51:25:17

Cheryl

Well, I think there would be a giant slip and slide.

00:51:25:18 - 00:51:35:22

Luna

Yeah, I would love to do that. I would, that should happen. We should do that. Right. That must have happened. Yeah. Yeah I love that. Okay.

00:51:36:00 - 00:51:47:08

Cheryl

And probably some water and a lot of and water. But that's just my own thing too. I like water and it would be open and accessible to all beautiful lovers.

00:51:47:08 - 00:51:54:04

Luna

You can find Cheryl on LinkedIn via the link in the description below and visit Uber Live.com. Anything else we want to share?

00:51:54:06 - 00:52:04:00

Cheryl

Sure, I'll share that if you visit Uber, Lucas and put in my first name. C h e r y l, you'll save 10%.

00:52:04:02 - 00:52:09:07

Luna

Amazing. Go check it out, lovers. Thank you so much, Cheryl, for being a guest on Sex Stories.

00:52:09:12 - 00:52:10:23

Cheryl

So much fun. Thank you.